not my drug dealer

My favorite Shady/Illegal tips

*If you don’t have a stamp, reverse your destination and return addresses. The post office will deliver it to the return address for free

*One bag of garbage from a McDonald’s dumpster has hundreds of receipts in it, each of which has a survey. Submit each one for lots of free food

*Holding a cell phone to your ear justifies loitering. This aids in public urination, dumpster diving, stalking, trespassing, etc

*If you’re going to plagiarize, plagiarize something in a foreign language. Use a translator and spend a few minutes touching up the results.

*If they have free refills, save your cup. Next time you eat there, your drink is free.

*A plastic coffee stir stick can fool any push in coin acceptor that loads the coins on edge. Just insert stir stick, push the mechanism forward until you feel the stick hit a bump, push the bump down with the stick and push the mech all the way in

*If you look like you know what you’re doing, no one will bother you.

*When lying, always include something slightly embarrassing, or something that makes you look bad, as part of your story. It’s not only going to disarm their skepticism (admitting to something embarrassing gives an impression of humility), but even if they remain skeptical, they’ll be left wondering why you would make something up that you’d rather keep secret if it were true

*Using Clorox or any bleach will turn the red/pink liquid detection dot on electronic devices back to white so they replace them under warranty

* “A drug dealer in DC taught me to pick my nose if the police are staring at me. No one picks their nose if they think someone is watching them, so it’s the ultimate way of being nonchalant.”

* "I learned that you can get into almost any special event by wearing a chef coat. Even just carrying one and walking like you know where you’re going will work every time. Most people don’t want to look stupid by asking you who you are.“ 

* "My go to missing work call was never "I’m sick”, it was “Family problems”. They never questioned it, it’s vague enough and embarrassing enough that nobody ever asks.“ 

*As part of the employee training at Target, they teach you that if a customer argues over a price, and the full price is under $20, to just give it to them for whatever price they claim. It’s cheaper for the company to move on to the next customer than to call in a price check.

*Put a rolled up sock in the change slot on a vending machine, come back back 4 days later….and pull sock….you will be 6-ish dollars richer.

*If it’s a small lie, like who farted or who put the empty milk carton in the fridge, I’ll tell a terrible lie. I’ll not be able to hold a straight face, contradict myself, basically suck at lying.Now everyone I know thinks I can’t tell a lie to save my life. So when I really need a big lie, I nail it every time. No one ever suspects me when I lie straight faced.

*Bring crutches to an airport. Bypass every line (including boarding) and you are chauffeured to your gate the second you pass through security.

*Make up a secret to share with someone- they may open up and share far more valuable real secrets.

*Here’s a classic. Drive over to your 7/11 of choice. Fill up a Slurpee and drop some candy bars in that bitch. Make sure the candy bars aren’t showing. Cover the Slurpee and pay for it. Free Snickers bitch.

*I tell everyone i’ve never done any drugs. Suddenly everyone offers me cocaine, ecstasy, pot, lsd. I think i’ve had $200 worth of drugs each weekend for free.Same with liquor. "Im not drinking tonight” BOOM! Everyone gives me booze. Its like everyone wants to break your integrity as soon as you tell them you are not doing whatever they are doing.

*If you need to cash from an ATM and its not a large amount, buy a 5 cent piece of gum from a gas station that has the cash back option. Its cheaper than a $3 charge

*Act less intelligent than you really are. Acting stupid can get you out of some tricky situations. Feigning ignorance is way better than admitting you knew better but did it anyway. My old man used to say ‘It is easier to beg forgiveness than ask for permission’…sometimes it’s true.

*Every time I fly, when I land I’ll pen a little complaint to the airline that flew me. You know, I’ll come up with something like “oh, they denied me a drink! Oh, the food wasn’t vegetarian!” Whatever miscellaneous hogwash potpourri comes to my crazy brain. And like clockwork, within a business day, they’re reimbursing me with a $50 voucher, a $100 voucher, I can sell that on the secondary market.

*I’ve always had a lot of success in shutting nosy people up by blaming any personal issue on allergies. Crying from a panic attack? Allergies giving me puffy eyes. What’s that mysterious pill I’m taking? Allergy meds. Why am I acting spaced out/hungover/tired? Allergies meds making me drowsy.

*If you really wanna get away with some shit, buy a reflective vest, a white hard hat, and a clipboard. You can go ANYWHERE.

Bad Representation vs Tokenism vs Diversity just existing without justification like in the real world

Many authors can relate to the frustrating accusations of their characters and settings simply being the way they are for “diversity points” and writers are often scared of adding diversity out of fear of it being received poorly as a gimmick. Why does this situation exist?

Bad representation and gratuitous diversity are not the same thing and have to be addressed separately. The first one is a legitimate fear; the second one is exaggerated and has the dangerous potential to shut down legitimate representation. There’s so much diversity that you don’t even notice it in real life.

You go shopping in a Korean and Black neighborhood, get directions from some Desi folks, hop on to a bus and sit behind the guy in the wheelchair lift. When you come home to crack open a book (after shopping in that same neighborhood and riding on that same bus), does seeing diverse characters make you or someone you know cry, “WAIT A MINUTE NOW. I AM THE GRAND WIZARD. I SAY THIS IS TOO DIVERSE?"  

What is representation that ends up being harmful instead of supporting diversity?

“I need a tough drug dealer ex-boyfriend for my MC to be scared of. I know! I’ll make him Black and/or Latino.”

“My MC is oppressed by her parents who want her to get married, have babies, and not major in anything that would threaten a man’s ego, when she’d rather marry a girl and become a physicist. I know! I’ll make her Muslim, Hindu, or an Orthodox Jew.”

“My MC is very sexually open and adventurous. I know! I’ll make her Latina because that sounds sexy.”

“My MC has an older female boss who yells at him all the time, who he’s scared of. I know! I’ll make her East Asian.”

When choosing a character’s ethnicity, if your logic flows like this – you have to work harder to free yourself from the white supremacist myths that permeate our everyday life.

This is not the same as “gratuitous” diversity.

People have a way of accusing diversity that doesn’t seem plot-relevant of being “gratuitous”, but a character doesn’t need a plot reason to be Muslim, Jewish, Black, Latina, in a wheelchair, trans, or anything else.

If you have a witness in a trial, and she wheels herself into the witness box instead of walking, you don’t have to sit there justifying it. It doesn’t have to mean anything. If you walk into a coffee house and ask directions from a cute barista in a headscarf, you don’t have to work her ethnoreligion into the plot for that to be “allowed.”

Now, if you have actual significant characters who are diverse – and you should! – their identities should be incorporated into their characterization and not feel like they’re wearing a series of nametags. There are plenty of ways you can do this – giving them names common to a group, mentioning a Black character’s specific natural hairstyle, having them endure a microaggression, having a trans character experiment with presentation, having a gay or bi person mention a partner or a celebrity crush. You can also just say “He introduced me to a tall East Asian man wearing a polo shirt” or “the new doctor was a Black woman with her hair in twists and glasses that looked like they could stop a bullet” and just leave it there, since that’s referencing a visible trait; if that looks pasted on or artificial to you, you may have unexamined prejudices, which is normal, but something to work on.

Remember that if you’re not in a group, your meter for determining whether or not diversity is “forced” is going to be unreliable. Don’t assume that other writers whose works are diverse are trying to coast on diversity stats or that the diversity in their books is automatically unrealistic and forced just because it’s more diverse than the media you usually consume. The real world IS diverse and lots of people get erased by the way mainstream fiction is structured, most of all being people who are marginalized in multiple ways at once.

–WWC

White people, January 1st -May 4th: Build the wall! They’re taking our jobs! They’re drug dealers and criminals! Get them out!

White people, May 5th: We love Mexicans! Their music, their food, their tequila, those festive hats! Woooo!! Cinco de Mayo!!

White people, May 6th - December 31st: Build the wall! They’re taking our jobs! They’re drug dealers and criminals! Get them out!

9

“I had a syringe put to my neck by a drug dealer in Dublin when I was about 16. 
I was buying hash in the wrong part of town — well, the right part of town for what I wanted, I suppose — and I hadn’t 
got my wits about me that day. I got jumped on, thrown into this f*cking rubbish chute with a big metal door, which immediately closed behind me and left just a crack of light coming through. And then 
a syringe was pressed to my throat, 
filled with what could have just been 
ketchup, but I wasn’t going to ask for 
the lab results. I’ll never forget that. That was very scary.” — Colin Farrell 

|| Dealer Rick - Making fat stacks the only way he knows how.. 
By synthesizing and distributing drugs to Ricks throughout the citadel and across the multiverse… Sorry no Mortys allowed.

 I assume all drug dealers have cool coats so they can display their goods discreetly… at least the good ones anyway..

All of Mello’s Glorious Outfits

Whattup Tumblr, so I was looking for a post that detailed each outfit Mello wears in the manga and couldn’t find one smh, so here it goes. Please enjoy the high fashion of our favorite pint-sized criminal.

Alright, so when we first meet Mello as a lil bb, his clothes are pretty plain:

Black shirt, black…jeans? I’m having a hard time deciding what fabric this is. And he’s barefoot.

When he leaves Wammy’s, the look is completed with a denim jacket…and shoes:

OK SO LET’S GET STRAIGHT TO IT WITH HIS FIRST APPEARANCE POST TIME SKIP, GLORIOUS:

WOW, THAT FEATHERED PARKA. You’ve got the drug dealer steez down Mello, great job, my boy. Let’s peep those details:

Leather gloves, Catholic symbolism, that flawless bob, damn!

Detailing on the boots:

Alright, last shot of this getup just so we have the profile view, since this is his best known look:

Parka has pockets likely filled with discarded chocolate wrappers, pants tucked into boots, overall nicely done, 10/10 look.

Now onto an often overlooked ensemble, Mello’s spring alternative to the usual leather complete with white pants:

Now it looks like these are the same boots as the first look, just not tied up all the way.

Here’s detailing on the pants:

Decorative stitched seaming details the pockets and…zipper? Cause Mello is fond of drawing attention to the crotch with a variety of accoutrements. Fiendish expression completes the look.

Alright, so you know earlier when I said his iconic look? I lied. That’s a completely different outfit. THIS is his signature outfit:

So this top looks similar to the last, but this one is obviously leather, the last one looks like cloth. Also, this one has the peekaboo cut in the midriff that the other lacks. New belt (last one was square, this one is circular), and we see him in dress boots for the first time instead of combat boots. I think these are new pants, too. They’re frayed at the bottom and flare out like bellbottoms:

(The pair in the first look were tucked into his boots, so I’m assuming they were bootcut—would be awkward to keep tucked.) Also this is the first appearance of the bracelet rosary and the chain on the side of his pants. Still, Mello must be proud of his arms cause he’s really fond of sleeveless vests??

Alright, so this panel I like cause it gives us a detailing on the belt, plus Mello’s amazing expressions are the gifts that keep on giving:

So then we don’t see our mini-mafioso for a hot minute, till he reappears in Hal Lidner’s apartment….and he’s got a new jacket!

Another jacket with a furry hood, although the fur on this one is much more lowkey and less…feather boa-ish. It’s also got some ~sick flame decals around the shoulders and down the arms; frayed edges; and those…throwing star looking decals on the side of the arms:

If anyone knows what that symbol is, feel free to holla at ya girl.

The cuffs on the sleeves are darker and match the color of the flames. You can also see the fraying better here. The pants have laces, which we didn’t see in the previous scenes at the Mafia’s hideout. And just for added measure….

The buttons are skulls, LMAO.

The next new outfit we get is after he appears with Matt wearing this badass moto jacket:

I honestly can’t tell what the design is supposed to be. At first I thought they were zippers, but it looks like they’re either studs or a braided motif (or both):

Also, some pretty sweet new shades he’s rocking, and he’s letting his hair grow out, nice.

Still confused by this design, but it’s likely braided.

This next one isn’t actually in the story, it’s just a chapter illustration, but it does feature Mello in yet another jacket, this time with what for sure looks to be a zipper appliqué:

This is definitely different from the one above—not a moto jacket, and looks like it might have a hoodie attached (or it could be a different piece layered underneath, as we see some of the white fabric at the bottom, and the hoodie is white).

Back to the plot! So Mello kidnaps Takada and blesses us with yet another jacket:

This seems like more of a true motorcycle jacket. Nothing fancy, has padding at the shoulders and elbows. The front zips up and includes a snap enclosure at the neck. These are also different gloves that go to the mid forearm. Also can I just say, Mello looks like…ten years older post-scar. 

Ok, last but not least:

Mello looking clandestine af in his parcel deliverer uniform.

Thank you for your many costume changes, Mello. Each delivers. What a guy.

SECRETS MASTERLIST

i think we’re all tired of having our characters have the same dirty little secrets. so here are some realistic secrets you can use for your characters. i am putting an overall trigger and mature warning on this. they’re in the sections of: lighthearted, hardcore, family, involving others, criminal, embarrassing, sexual, romantic, and other..

scared your secret isn’t creative - change it up! it mentions drugs? change it to sex or alcohol. something mentions family? turn that into a romantic secret! the options are endless if you change details.

Keep reading

Randomness From A Skype Group Chat  {Sentence Starters}

  • ❛❛ I am trash Satan. ❜❜
  • ❛❛ Only ten alcohol per hour.❜❜
  • ❛❛ Hello, jazz-hater. ❜❜
  • ❛❛ Erase your own existence. ❜❜
  • ❛❛ Stop leaving, you little punk. ❜❜
  • ❛❛ Fuck you, Uncle Shady. ❜❜
  • ❛❛ I JUST WANNA MAKE PUNS ❜❜
  • ❛❛ That’s all he learned in juvie: how to fuck someone back to life. ❜❜
  • ❛❛ How have you seen my ass? ❜❜
  • ❛❛ Oh man, I’d love to die! ❜❜
  • ❛❛ Bitch, I’m gonna smear blood on your motherfucking macaroni. ❜❜
  • ❛❛ I feel like my cat is judging me right now. ❜❜
  • ❛❛ When did wishing to die become such a casual topic in here? ❜❜
  • ❛❛ I’m indifferent to cheerios. ❜❜
  • ❛❛ Dying requires effort, for fucks’ sake. ❜❜
  • ❛❛ MURDER IS PLANNED ❜❜
  • ❛❛ Just laugh, I’m laughing about it now. I mean at the time I was crying, but I’m laughing now. ❜❜
  • ❛❛ Reasons people should date me: there are no reasons, stay far away. ❜❜
  • ❛❛ If Hagrid and Weird Al had a love child… it would be you. ❜❜
  • ❛❛ Hey, bitch, tell me about your fourth cousin Jenny. ❜❜
  • ❛❛ OMINOUS KAZOOING ❜❜
  • ❛❛ Stop it, you’re gonna trigger T -Bag. ❜❜
  • ❛❛ My arm is half-black. ❜❜
  • ❛❛ You look like a shady drug dealer. ❜❜
  • ❛❛ One time I was at the dentist’s office and this hot dude came in and my first thought was actually ‘DEATH STAR APPROACHING’. ❜❜
  • ❛❛ My hair looks like Sonic the Hedgehog’s deformed pink cousin has been run over by a truck and used as a toupee. ❜❜
  • ❛❛ Just take out the middle man and just die. ❜❜
  • ❛❛ Screw joint weddings, hello joint funeral. ❜❜
  • ❛❛ You might need to get me a bigger coffin. ❜❜
  • ❛❛ I PUT THE ASS, SASS, AND SIN IN ASSASSIN  ❜❜
  • ❛❛ Would prison really be that bad compared to your work? ❜❜
  • ❛❛ IT’S A MOTHERFUCKING DUCK I WILL STAB A HOE ❜❜
  • ❛❛ I can die happy and in toasted cheese heaven. ❜❜
  • ❛❛ I did not subscribe to bible meet ups. ❜❜
  • ❛❛ I speak no bullshit, my potato friend. ❜❜
  • ❛❛ Watch dumb teenage singing with me, ya’ll. ❜❜
  • ❛❛ Yeah, no fluff in Prisneyland. ❜❜
  • ❛❛ She is a sad smol murder bird and needs to be loved. ❜❜
  • ❛❛ If I had feelings, I’d be offended. ❜❜
  • ❛❛ We’re not naming our son Bear. ❜❜
  • ❛❛ Shit, how do I go home and tell my wife that our adopted kid got eaten. ❜❜
  • ❛❛ Give me your disorder, I’ll take it off your hands for you. ❜❜
  • ❛❛ Murder is fun. It’s cheaper than divorce. ❜❜
  • ❛❛ This is fox-kidnapping. Put the fox back. ❜❜
  • ❛❛ The snail fucked off. ❜❜
  • ❛❛ DAMN YOUR HOT SHADY ASS ❜❜
  • ❛❛ STOP BEING LEPRECHAUN RACIST ❜❜
  • ❛❛ I am going to murder myself with a kazoo. ❜❜
  • ❛❛ Does Britain have its tea? Find out next week. ❜❜
  • ❛❛ I leave to eat some goddamn bbq ribs and there is hell. ❜❜
  • ❛❛ You’re about as angelic as Lucifer, don’t fool yourself. ❜❜
Writings


A/N: I added (comedic) summaries. Don’t let that fool you into thinking any of my fics are lighthearted lmao

BTS

✧  Ex’s & Oh’s 

The one where you date all the BTS members and a surprise idol

Nothing yet

✧  One More Day (M)

The one where yoongi is a sexy ass mafia boss 

✧  It Will Come Back (M)

The one where yoongi’s innocent neighbor is the source of all his torment

Nothing Yet

✧  Wicked Games (M)(A)

The one where Hoseok doesn’t realize how perfect he is and it’s emo

✧  Kissing The Clouds (M)

The one where Jimin is your kissable sub roomate 

✧    Manspreading (M)(A)(F): Part 1, Part 2 , Part 3 , Part 4, Epilogue (Finished)

The one where Tae is your sexy bff and things get hot and emo

✧  Stealing The Bite (M)(A): Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6 (Finished)

The one where Tae is a werewolf, Jungkook is a vampire, and you’re a witch and there is a deal with the devil

✧  A Masseur with a Secret (M)(A)

The one where Tae gives you a massage

✧  I Carry Your Heart with Me (F)

The one where Tae is magic

✧  Avoiding Confrontation (M)(A)

The one where you bottle things up and Tae hates it

✧  Good Boys Like Bad Girls (M)(A): Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Final Part

The one where everyone is in high school. Tae is your sub, Jungkook wants to be your sub, and the whole thing is messed up

✧  Back To Black (M)(A)

The one where I give you my take on the chaebol son/poor girl kdrama trope and unsurprisingly it’s emo

✧  Bunny Boy (M)(F): Part 1, Part 2

The one where you’re a boss ass bitch and kookie is your pretty bunbun

✧  Stealing The Bite (M)(A):  Part 4, Part 5, Part 6 (Finished)

The one where Tae is a werewolf, Jungkook is a vampire, and you’re a witch and there is a deal with the devil

✧  Good Boys Like Bad Girls (M)(A): Part 4Part 5, Final Part

The one where everyone is in high school. Tae is your sub, Jungkook wants to be your sub, and the whole thing is messed up

 Free The Animal (M)(A) + Loving You To Death (Sequel)

The one where kook is a fuckboi and you’re fucking him, but with feelings


★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★


TWICE

✧  Je Suis Malade (M)(A)

The one where Mina left you to become idol and it hurts just as much as you imagine it would

✧  Florida Kilos (M)(F)

The one where Sana is your neighborhood’s damn tantalizing drug dealer