not just because of wine i'll have you know

  • Ed: Oswald I'm home and I got the wine
  • Oswald: oh thank god I thought you ditched me
  • Ed: I'm your friend, chief of staff, and I live here I at least owe you a dinner
  • Ed: dang this looks delicious I'm glad I got here before all this food went to waste
  • Oswald: yah cool here's a wine glass
  • Ed: but seriously I think we should call the GCPD
  • Oswald: tf why
  • Ed: at the wine place there was this woman that looked just like my gf I murdered
  • Oswald: wtf
  • Ed: and then I told her she reminded me of her because I freaked out and stuff
  • Ed: and then she told me a riddle
  • Oswald: what did you do
  • Ed: I ran so far because jfc I think Strange made another monster
  • Ed: I accidentally stole this wine in the process
  • Oswald: let's just eat and report this to the police tomorrow
  • Ed: alright what did you want to talk about
  • Or:
  • Oswald: it's a shame I don't have a plus one
  • Ed: whoa you'd invite me to the most exclusive dinner in the entire city
  • Oswald: yeah and with the top hat man on the loose who knows what could happen
  • Ed: we can land some business deals too
  • Oswald: yeah but don't you have a date
  • Ed: this is work stuff she'll understand
  • Ed: I'll wear my best green tie and maybe a hideous green suit
  • Oswald: I also wanted to talk to you about something
  • Or:
  • Oswald: oh god what
  • Ed: so yknow Isabella
  • Oswald: yeah
  • Ed: so I tried to break up with her personally
  • Oswald: uH HUH
  • Ed: turns out she dressed as my ex and told me I had nothing to fear AND LIKE SHE DYED HER HAIR AND STUFF OZZIE
  • Oswald: is she stupid or something
  • Ed: I mean I got really scared so I tried to leave
  • Oswald: tried?
  • Ed: she slapped me in the face
  • Ed: and put my hand on her neck and trusted I wouldn't choke her
  • Ed: I got really scared and freaked out from the memories so I pushed her choke me daddy self away from me and barely left with my life
  • Ed: I saw Gabe was in the limo outside for some reason and he drove me home
  • Oswald: wow okay I was planning on killing her but now she actually deserves it
  • Ed: you planned to WHAT
  • Gabe: it's okay boss the brakes are fine
  • Oswald: she said she wouldn't let you go so I panicked and also I had a motive of other sorts...
  • Ed: tell me I'll try to understand

anonymous asked:

Could you do one where they find out you have an rating disorder? I just really need that right now. It's been kinda hard for me and I know this doesn't really make sense but I feel like it will help Ilysm

[I’ve been through it all, and know how hard it is. Please message me off anon so we can talk. You’re so beautiful and don’t deserve to be suffering this. Am considering making a proper one shot, regarding a topic like so, if I get any response from this. xxx]

Okay so you would always try and hide the disorder from him, like, always trying to have dates that didn’t involve eating and I can just imagine so many problems would arise from it all the time. Like, he would be really really keen to take you out for a really nice date because he always just takes you to like the movies, or just to beach or something, or you’d just hand at home. So basically, he would be dying to just go out somewhere really fancy. 

So imagine that you’d just be lying down on his bed hanging out together and then he would be like, ‘babe, tomorrow night I’m taking you out to that new italian restaurant and we will fucking dress up and have a damn 3 course meal and I’ll even order bloody red wine.’ And you would be like wtf, because it was so random for him to suddenly be so into this idea and then you’d also be thinking like no no no we can’t go out for a dinner. So you’d just be like, 'babe, I kinda like just staying at home and just being casual with you,’ and he would think you’re just saying that and he’d be really determined like, 'no, sweet heart, I know every girl wants to be taken out by their man and I never take you any where nice,’ and you would go to protest again but he’d just put his hand over your mouth and be like, 'nope, we are doing this and you can wear that dress you’ve been telling me about.’

And right about now, you were just thinking well okay, I’ll just have to go for option 2 right. So then on the night you would just have to go to the toilet after every course and get rid of it all. But every time you would come back, he’d say something like, ‘are you okay?’ ‘are you feeling sick? That’s like the fourth time you’ve been to the toilet?’ and you’d just brush it off like, 'nah nah I’m fine, stop worrying.' 

And anyway that was that night in a nutshell. (quite awful) and you would just find that after that event, he would continuously want you to go out to restaurants or even if you were at home, he’d always buy junk food or any food really and he’d be chomping away at stuff constantly and offering you food, but you’d just always have to deject the offer awkwardly or, like, eat a little bit and then somehow get to the toilet after. And this would just go on for weeks, and gradually he would just get more and more pressuring with heaps of questions and comments, like, 'oh, okay, not eating again I see,’ or, ‘do you really always get the runs when we go out to eat.’

Just the consistent pressuring from him would be getting to a point where you didn’t know if you could handle it anymore and every night you would go home crying and stressing out about what your next excuse would be when he tried to make you eat. And it would be so awful for you being in the relationship that eventually you would just have to admit that you can’t do this. You can’t be in a relationship. 

So the next time you were together, you’d be so out of your mind and literally just letting the disorder take over your actions and you’d do the typical 'we need to talk,’ and you’d sit him down. And you could tell he was just as nervous as you were bc he’d be like heavy breathing and gulping and you would just flat out say it, ‘I don’t think this is working, and I would like to break up with you.’ And hearing this, Ashton wouldn’t even react in the slightest, he would just bluntly reply with, 'Why?’ And you’d think, like, fuck did not prepare for this, and you’d stutter like, 'um, I, I just don’t think we are good together,’ and he’d be staring directly at you and not letting it go and being like, 'No, I actually don’t believe that. What’s the real reason?’

And he would be so harsh about it, you would have tears rolling down your face because you were just embarrassed and feeling stupid and he would see that you’re about to full on sob and he’d keep his serious tone and be like, ’[Y/n], are you trying to break up with me because I keep taking you out for meals?’ And you would be like… wait.. where is he going with this.. And realising you weren’t going to reply, he’d continue brutally like, 'Is it because you can’t eat? And you’re starving yourself and throwing up every single bit of food that goes into your mouth, so now all of your ribs are poking out?’ and theree we go, he definitely knows what’s up. So you wouldn’t even be able to respond at all and then he would just take in a huge breath and must’ve noticed he was being too harsh or something and he’d take your hand and be much much softer like, 'baby, I’m not stupid. I know what you’re doing to yourself, and I’ve just been waiting for you to tell me about it in your own time. But I’m not letting you break up with me, okay? I’m gonna help you, love.' 

That would just make you absolutely weep because nobody had ever realised before that you had a problem like this before, and nobody had ever offered to help and ugh he’s just beautiful. And you’d be balling it into his chest and he’d just be rubbing your back and stroking your hair and cooing words like, 'You’re not going to do this alone, gorgeous, I’m going to do everything in my power to get to the bottom of this and help you to get better. I love you so much and we aren’t going to let this disorder win, okay?’