not in public!

A Performing Arts High School
  • Everyone makes fun of the Dance Majors because they all wear athletic clothes, and all kinda waddle.
  • The main campus monitor is a fat man that just drives around on his cart all day, yelling things at people. Not even angry things. Just things about Celine Dion and diets that are strictly bread.
  • The vice principle once had a conversation with me about sissy websites. I told him he should dress up and wear a tutu. He laughed.
  • Everything is always broken. There’s always something broken. Always.
  • The school is in the downtown area, and there are a LOT of homeless people around. Once a homeless man walked into the VD2 class and just yelled.
  • One homeless man killed himself on campus before school. School still went on that day, though.
  • The school has a sleepcam account, and an account dedicated to one of the pigeons that stay on campus. His name is Chad.
  • Everyone hates the band majors.
  • My art teacher asked our class to bring her dead birds, and like 3 people did.
  • There were like, 3 fires in one day. Fuckin theater tech majors, man.
  • There are a bunch of levels of basements to the main theater. A kid was rumored to have lost his hand at the bottom.
  • A kid was rumored to have died from falling from the catwalk in that same theater, actually.
  • The photo teacher doesn’t give a shit. About anything. She lets us roam campus all period as long as we tell her we’re shooting for a project.
  • Once during photo, me and my friend found some of the tech majors destroying a wooden end table with a hammer. Their eyes were glazed over. They let us hit the wooden end table, too. Fuckin tech majors, man.
  • No one questions the printed out pictures of Robbie Rotten in the hallways. 
  • Once there was a fleshlight in the Fraiser building’s boy’s restroom. I didn’t realize till I peed on it. People took selfies with it.
  • All of the art majors are dead inside, some of them are on a lot of drugs, too.
  • Once someone broke a toilet off the floor in the girl’s art bathroom. 
  • Everyone thinks the jazz majors are all on drugs. 
  • Under the gym by the field is where a lot of the emos gather at lunch. It’s called the emo canopy.
  • Other schools in the city call our school LV-Gay instead of LVA. There are so many gays, yet no one stable enough to actually date.
  • There was a boy in the Ballroom one class that would just, stop every 15 minutes or so and do 10 push-ups. Every day. Without fail.
  • All of the film majors are horny. All the time.
  • No one knows what’s going on, ever.

VERNER PANTON, Canteen in the Spiegel Publishing House, Hamburg Germany, 1969