not i have no friends lonely

BTS REACTION: unexpected pregnancy

i loved the exo unplanned pregnancy one you did, please would you be able to do one for bts? thanks very much!


You had told Seokjin that you were feeling unwell, so he called you as often as possible, making sure you had everything you need, and that you weren’t feeling to bad. 

“You look better today,” he smiled at your image on the screen, making you nod. “Your illness has gone?” he asked happily, adjusting so he could hold the camera steady. “It’s not an illness I have,” you smirked before reaching over to pick up the notes your doctor had given you. The confusion wiped from his face when he read what was on it. 

When you set the papers down, you saw him frowning on the screen. “You’re not happy about it…” you joined him in frowning. “Who’s going to make sure you’re eating everything you need to keep you and baby healthy?” he huffed, face screwing up. “I’ll send you some recopies, okay? Remember to take your vitamins. Don’t work too hard,” he stopped when he saw you roll your eyes. “Don’t do that! I want you both to be healthy! When I come home, I’ll take over caring for you.”


You’d ended up arriving at the venue late, as the traffic was a nightmare around the area. You managed to catch your husband before he went on stage again, grabbing his arm to stop him. “Can I talk to you?” you panted, making him. “Of course you can,” he moved you to somewhere with a tiny more privacy.

“Is everything okay?” he asked, fingers locking together with yours. “We’re going to be parents,” you announced, making him grin at you. “Really?” at your nod, he pulled you close and pressed a kiss to your head. The sweet moment was cut off by the announcement playing through the speakers. “Go wait for me at the hotel. I’ll be there in a few hours.”


Hoseok had finally come after crashing at the dorms after schedule. You two slept wrapped in eachother for the first time in weeks. You decided to try give him a good send off, not knowing when the next time you’d see him would be. 

You had managed to break free from his arms and begin your cooking, making as little noise as possible. As the sun began to rise, you had finished, adding your final touch to the meal; a note of congratulations. 

He was sleepily staring at the ceiling when you entered with the tray, his eyes soon going to you. “I thought you were a dream,” he laughed, shuffling so he was sat up. “Breakfast in bed for one hard working man,” you hummed, setting the tray down in his lap. 

He took in everything you had made, his smile faded when he saw your note. “I’m not a Daddy…” his face screwed up in confusion as you settled next to him. “In a few months you will be,” you smirked, setting your mug of tea on the bedside table. “You’re pregnant?” he moved the tray to the floor and pulled you to him. “When all this is over, I’ll treat you like the princess you are.”


You and Namjoon had no time to talk when he’d come home to pack, you focused on making sure he had everything he could possibly need to take with him. When he left the room to collect something, you slipped in the pregnancy test, hiding it within his clothes. He threw his phone charger into the case then zipped it up. “I’ll see you when I come home,” he smiled, cupping your face and pressing your lips together for a final time before leaving. 

A few days after your husband’s departure, you received a call from him, which you accepted happily. “I found your present,” he announced the moment you answered. “Oh?” you smirked, making him grin. “We had to get pregnant before a tour,” he shook his head as he chuckled. “They’ll be kicking when I come back,” he turned his phone so you could see the order of books on his screen. “I’ll use my spare time to learn everything I can.”


Jimin being halfway across the world from you made it hard to talk to him. You had found out you’d both be parents, but couldn’t call him to tell him the exciting news, as he was probably sleeping. You promised yourself you’d wait until he was home, but at 3am, when you missed him more than ever, you decided to record a message for him. 

“So it’s month four of not seeing you… I hope everything’s going well, and that you’re eating lots. I know you said to go out with friends alot while you were done so I couldn’t get lonely, but I haven’t been out… I’m not lonely, though! I have Jimin Junior to keep me company!” you grinned, holding up the forms from the doctors so it could easily be read by him when he watched. “We’ll see you soon, okay? We love you!”

 The moment Jimin saw the video from you, he’d cry, concerning the other members. “What happened?” Hoseok asked, rubbing the younger’s back. He called all the members into the room and let them watch the video. “Let’s do well, okay? I need to go home and see my babies.”


Taehyung has an app on his phone that tracks your periods, so he can get everything ready for you. When he gets a notification from it, informing him that you were two weeks late, he’d make a mental note to talk to you about it if/when he got home. 

“Y/N?” he’d call through the home, to have you appear from the kitchen. “Welcome home,” you smiled sweetly, approaching him to kiss him. “Did you forget to tell me about your period?” he asked, arms wrapping around you. “I missed you too,” your chuckle didn’t change the stern look on his face. “Why are you being so serious?” you frowned. “Because you might be carrying prince or princess Kim,” he mumbled, rooting through his bag to produce a test, finally making you realise you were late. 

“Go get changed, I’ll go take this, then can have dinner,” you wandered off to take the test. When you walked into your room, you husband sat patiently, eyes now wide with hope. “Please tell me it’s got two lines…” he whispered, making you nod. He let out a squeak of delight and fell back against the bed, a pillow was pulled over his face so his shouts of joy were muffled.


Jungkook would notice how you winced everytime he laid his head on your chest, and how certain smells would trigger nausea. He’d take to the good old internet, typing your symptoms in to see if there was something he could do to help you. When he saw the word ‘pregnancy’ he’d tense up, glancing over to you. “I need to go to the store for snacks to take to rehearsals tomorrow,” he offered you a smile before leaving.

When he returned, he’d empty the snacks into his bag, then hand you the box that contained the test. “Can you take this?” he asked quietly, resting a hand on your shoulder when you looked up at him in confusion. “I might be wrong, but I wanna make sure.”

He’d patiently wait outside while you took the test, then hold you in his arms while waiting for it to develop. “What do you want it to say?” you asked as you hid you face in his neck. “I don’t know… I’d love to have a mini us… But not when I’m going to miss it all…” his lips came to your hair. 

When your alarm went off, he guided you to check the test. His eyes widened as he examined the two pink lines. “We’re going to be parents,” he murmured, handing you the test. “I’ll take the best care of you when I’m done with schedule.”

Perchance to dream

A prompt by the lovely @raven-brings-light

It had been an exhausting day and Loki couldn’t help yawning as he tucked himself under the covers. Thor had challenged him to climb Skarstind with him and he just wouldn’t take no for an answer.

“Come, brother, you can’t always stay in and read books,” he urged Loki as he grabbed a book from the pile on the table trying to read it, until he realized he was holding it upside down and tossed it away. “You’ve grown pale.”

“I’m always pale,” Loki quipped licking his finger as he shuffled through the pages of “King Bor: Sustaining peace in the Nine Realms”, a thick dusty volume that no one was interested in during those days of prosperity, no one but Loki. In fact he had decided to read all the books in the palace library. Every single one of them. He’d take his time, he had all the time in the world, after all there wasn’t much a 1400 year old Asgardian prince, who was second in line of succession, was expected to do. Or so he thought.

Because Thor was now distracting him from his precious reading time. It seemed urgent. He was even leaning on Loki’s chair from behind, both hands on the chair ears, shaking Loki with it.

“Come ONNNNN,” Thor roared as his voice echoed in the empty hallways of the library. A solitary reader holding a pince-nez in front of his wrinkled squinty eyes raised his head and blinked in disdain at the two young princes. “Shhhhh!”

Thor leaned over his ear as a long strand of hair brushed lightly over Loki’s cheek like the wing of a bird made of pure gold.

“See? We’re disturbing that nice old fellow over there,” he murmured pointing at the man. “You don’t want us to make any fuss, do you?”

You are disturbing him, not me,” Loki said coldly as he turned another page, unyielding.

Thor sighed and left Loki’s chair to sit on the reading table right in front of him, entwining his fingers on his lap. He looked stunning and so much like father, Loki thought, even if he didn’t have his beard yet.

“Loki. Look. I can’t do this alone.”

“Why not.”

“I need you with me, brother!” he pleaded. “I need company. I need someone to gaze at the dawn with me while…”

“The dawn?! We’re going to have to wake up in the middle of the night if we are to catch the daybreak on the top of Skarstind!”

“Well, we could go now, make camp for the night and wake up when the sun comes out.”

“Why don’t you take your friends with you?” Loki murmured turning another page. His face was calm but a slight wrinkle appeared between his brows.

Thor scoffed. “My friends? Hogun has joined his father hunting in the forest, they won’t be back for two days. Fandral is meeting a girl tonight. Or two. Or… did he say it was three girls? Oh well. And Volstagg is… well he is…”

Loki raised his gaze from the book, keeping a straight face as slight mockery was about to reach his eyes; he knew what Volstagg had been up to, it was the talk of the court.

Thor scratched his head in embarrassment for his mighty ginger friend. “Well Volstagg is helping the servants with house cleaning. His mother said he will be doing this for a week as punishment for sneaking into the kitchen and eating alone the whole stuffed boar they were having for dinner last night.”

“I thought Volstagg was a grown man,” Loki blinked, baffled.

“Well he still lives with his mother. It’s her cooking, he can’t live without it.”

Loki tried hard not to laugh; Thor’s friends were always laughable but he wouldn’t let his brother know. He wouldn’t hurt Thor, no matter how many times his friends hurt Loki.

“How about Sif? She’s always an eager candidate to join you in your adventures, isn’t she? Much too eager these days…”

Loki said that in one breath going back to his reading, avoiding Thor’s eyes. His tone was light, teasing Thor like he always did for the constant admiration he got from girls, still there was a trace of contempt and bitterness as Loki tried hard to keep his lips from frowning. The smile he forced didn’t quite reach his eyes.

Thor sighed. “It’s not Sif I want with me on the mountain. It’s you. So are you coming or not?”

Loki’s heart leapt a bit. If Thor had found yet another excuse why Sif couldn’t come, thus making Loki the only candidate to join him on his climbing adventure, he would be able to dismiss Thor saying he didn’t want to be someone’s “last resort”. Or he could just lie like always, saying he had lots of reading to do, and then spend the rest of his day wallowing in the fact that his brother only remembered him when his new friends weren’t available, going over the same dusty page over and over again, eyes stinging but never letting go because it was enough for him to drink the bitter cup of pride again and again until the day was done and he went back to his lonely chamber.

“You could have just said you wanted me all along instead of mentioning why your friends can’t join you,” Loki sighed impatiently as he closed his book with a thud, a thin cloud of dust filling with tiny sparkles the sunbeam that was crossing the room from the large stained glass window behind them.

“Well you asked about them, didn’t you?” Thor grinned and turned. “I just answered that question.” Loki swore he could punch him in his self-satisfied face if he wasn’t afraid he might break his knuckles on Thor’s jaw.

Why did Thor always get his way? And why did he let him.

With soft movements Loki made himself comfortable under the covers trying not to wake his brother who was sleeping like a babe next to him. There should be two beds in this room, two beds. Thor and Loki had been sharing a chamber ever since Thor was old enough to protect his baby brother and keep him company; Frigga insisted on the boys being raised together, doing everything together. But on Thor’s 1400th birthday Odin ordered the servants to prepare a room for Loki. “They’re old enough to have separate chambers now,” the All-Father commanded as Loki’s bed was being moved to another room at the other end of the palace, “they’re not babies anymore.” It’s not like they didn’t have enough beds in the palace. It was a symbolic act, Odin wanted to make sure Loki got the message of not clinging to Thor anymore. Frigga protested because Loki was obviously still in need of company and support seeing that he had no other friends but Thor. Ironically, it was on that evening during the birthday celebration that Odin introduced Hogun and Fandral to Thor, both of them first born sons of Asgardian and Vanaheimian aristocracy. As a child Sif had always joined the boys in their games but now she was introduced in her satin tunic, with a hairdo that revealed her neck and a few long curls falling down her back like black snakes, all dressed up like a proper princess; her role wasn’t that of a playing companion anymore. Thor and Loki’s carefree days of games and studying together were over. Thor was meant to take the throne with a queen on his side, and his upbringing would change radically. He would now focus on sparring sessions, training all day long with the master at arms and his new friends. There was no time for daydreaming and childlike adventures, and certainly no time for Loki. Thor had to grow up.

200 years had passed since then, Thor was now 1600 years old but Loki couldn’t bring himself to forget that day.

He just couldn’t sleep, his back was aching from carrying his heavy sack up that hill all day long, his thighs and glutes burning from the strain. The dawn Thor promised him was indeed glorious, with bright golden and violet colours filling the sky, and Loki surely enjoyed watching his brother giving names to snakes and beetles they’d find on the slope. They sat on the ground to rest before reaching the peak and enjoyed the view. It was indeed magnificent.

But now there was nothing left in Loki’s body but pain, a pain that wouldn’t let him sleep. He turned to see his brother’s serene face, his calm breathing. Loki smirked thinking about father. “That day” Odin had forbidden them to sleep together but Thor whispered that father’s rules were the rules of an old fool, and Loki was still the best conversationalist he knew. The best mate. Loki would always listen to his dreams and fears about becoming king, and give him good advice. But whenever Thor asked Loki what he wanted to do when he grew up, Loki remained silent. He would either change the subject or tease Thor for wanting to be king at such a young age.

Thor would tease him back, mentioning the ladies-in-waiting at the court who would giggle whenever Loki walked by them. Thor was too used to be the center of attention and was a bit shocked to notice that his shy studious brother had his own admirers as well. To be honest, Thor thought, Loki wasn’t so bad, was he? He was rather easy on the eyes. Whenever Thor’s baffled gaze traveled from the girls back to his brother he wondered who Loki had taken after seeing that his hair was so dark compared to their parents’. And that was what always fascinated Thor, how different Loki was. From all of them. Maybe the girls saw that in him, the lanky introverted raven-haired prince with the big blue eyes and the coy smile, so different from the golden-maned heir to the throne with the broad shoulders. Thor had caught himself staring at the corners of Loki’s mouth for a bit too long, more times than he could remember. Things had changed a lot since they were kids and sharing a chamber. Thor had grown, and so did Loki, in a way Thor couldn’t fathom. He just couldn’t understand what was so thrilling about the way Loki looked at him these days.

And the way he smiled whenever Thor was around.

That smile.

Still he was the big brother, sworn to protect and guide his younger sibling. As as soon as he got used to the idea that the ladies fancied Loki as well he was eager to encourage him to court them, although he didn’t quite know how to do that. He could do it himself, but he couldn’t teach it to someone else. So his encouragement always sounded more like teasing, and that made Loki even shyer, turning the other way whenever the girls caught his eye.

But Loki didn’t turn his eyes now. Instead his gaze traveled from Thor’s hair to his naked arm, to the curve of his covered hips. Thor, as if sensing his brother’s eyes upon him in his sleep, shifted his weight and turned on his back. Loki was startled, afraid that Thor might suddenly wake up, but his brother was too deep in the realm of dreams to notice his presence. What was it that mother said the other day? “Know a man’s dreams is knowing him.” But what was there to know about Thor? Loki knew everything about him, Thor always made sure his thoughts were spoken out loud and his intentions plain as day.

Among other things Frigga had taught Loki to read minds; that was one of many magic tricks she was teaching him when Odin wasn’t looking. “I won’t let you pass your days idly for the rest of your life,” she had stated, “You may never be king but I can make you the greatest magician on Asgard.”

Soon Odin found out about their lessons but he was too busy preparing Thor to be king, traveling with him to all Nine Realms to show him the kingdoms he would rule, so he didn’t take the time to stop Frigga from taking Loki under her wing.

Making illusions of himself and other objects or animals was a fun thing to do, and Loki was very proud of his skills but he quickly got bored. Reading people’s minds was much more enjoyable. Soon enough he was teasing the servant boys telling them to put back the things they had stolen but Frigga advised him against that; people should never know his strengths, they should never know he had the advantage. Laying low was the thing to do if he wanted to get what he wanted.

He hesitated before placing his hand on Thor’s forehead. He just didn’t know exactly what he was looking for, or what Thor’s dreams might show him. Did he really want to know? Or better, did Thor have anything of value in that thick skull of his but dreams of battle, conquest, triumph and ruling? And probably a load of half-naked girls waiting for him on his bed, eager to please. Surely his brother had changed since they shared a room and Loki didn’t want one more proof of the different paths they had taken.

Still, he was curious. He removed a few strands from Thor’s face, tracing his lean chin with his finger, almost touching the tip of his lip. Thor gave a faint smile and Loki’s breath hitched. He didn’t move a muscle before making sure his brother was still sleeping. As Thor’s face relaxed Loki placed his fingertips on his forehead, closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

A bright flash of lightning crossed Loki’s mind like a dagger made of pure light, slashing  through his thoughts, cutting him open, blinding him. He gnashed his teeth trying not to scream. It was so much easier when he was doing it with mother, her thoughts were always soft and smooth and welcoming like warm waves or pillowy clouds. But now Loki was feeling as if he was entering a forbidden room, like Thor had closed the door right on his face, slamming down heavy bars to keep everyone out. This was not a place that welcomed strangers.

“I’m no stranger, brother, let me in.” Loki thought, trying to focus on the center of Thor’s sleeping mind.

His mind-reading ability was still bouncing back, finding obstacles, making his spirit suffer. The more Loki tried the harder the light got until he remembered mother’s advice to take a deep breath and relax. Soon the light grew softer, dimmer, and melted away like a waterfall of sparkles making way for him to enter Thor’s mind.

The room was dimly lit by the setting sun, light escaping the curtains that were drawn over the windows. It was Thor’s room but it looked… bigger. With walls and pillars reaching the sky and everything bathing in an eerie golden light. As Loki walked on, he touched the furniture and it felt… soft. Smoother than ever, like velvet made of water. The colours that were being projected on the floor by the stained glass didn’t have names anymore, they weren’t “blue”, or “yellow”, or “red”. They were notes. They were music. Loki tried to remember what tune they played but the more he tried to listen the more the music faded away, giving way to different sounds coming from a different place in the dream. It was the echo of a young man sighing.

Loki’s spirit walked slowly towards the sound. The more he approached the clearer it was to him that it was Thor whose breath hitched from time to time as he whimpered and moaned. But it wasn’t just Thor’s breathing that Loki’s spirit could hear, there was another sound, softer, wetter, like the sound of a hungry creature, lapping.

Loki heard his own voice.

It sounded as if Thor was hurt, or wanting, and the Loki in the dream was soothing him, guiding him, encouraging him.

“Do you like it like that?” Loki heard himself whisper in a gentle voice he never knew he had. “Do you like what I’m doing?”

YES…” Thor gasped impatiently. “Please, Loki…”

“I can’t hear you, brother…” Loki was teasing, taunting him, but there was something more in his voice, something warm and dark and lustful.

“Please. Please do it,” Thor begged.

Loki had never heard his brother beg before.

“Do what?”

“Put it back in your mouth.”

Loki’s spirit stopped as he realized what his dream self was doing to his big brother, making him plead like a defenseless little boy. As he walked around a column to face the visions of Thor’s dream he stood in shock.

There he was sitting on his heels, his dream self, half-naked, with his breeches in a bundle around his knees, with his short black hair all messed up by Thor’s hand that was pushing him back on his hard-on like it was the most important, the most urgent thing in the world, like his life depended on it. Loki had seen Thor’s penis before but never erected like that. They would go swimming together in sunlit lakes or hot springs in subterranean caves when the weather was too cold, but when they were kids Loki could never imagine how… How big Thor could get.

And Thor looked glorious in his godly nudity, his naked skin shining like the sun, his warrior body like soft marble.

“And what else?…” his dream self cooed playing gently with Thor’s testicles. “What else, brother? Tell me.”

“Oh no, not that, Loki.”

“You’re going to love it, I promise.”

“If you dare put your finger inside me-“

“Then I’ll let you ride me,” Loki quipped still stroking Thor’s manhood, teasing the tip with little licks in between sentences, his big eyes wet with longing. “I’ll let you fuck me fast and hard just the way you like it. Just the way you fuck those girls.”

Thor covered his face with his hand trying to process what Loki had just told him. “Ugh… I want… But if you hurt me…”

“Oh I’d never hurt you, brother,” Loki smiled.

He took Thor’s silence as consent and he proceeded to put his middle finger in his mouth, licking it like the sweetest candy, then pulled it out to push it gently between Thor’s butt cheeks.

“Scoot forward,” Loki urged him. “Open your legs.”

Thor complied with a groan of defeat. And as Loki’s dream self swallowed him whole with one breath, taking him all in like a sheathe welcoming its blade, Thor cried out with bliss and grabbed Loki by the hair once more.

Loki’s spirit was speechless. He couldn’t process what he was seeing. He couldn’t believe those were Thor’s inner thoughts and secret desires. He closed his eyes as he felt his own young member hardening in his breeches, making it so painful, and he knew the hard on was happening in the real world as well as he was lying next to Thor with his hand on his forehead. He was hoping Thor wouldn’t wake up before he could get out of his mind.

But he didn’t want to get out of this dream. Not yet. Not ever.

When he opened his eyes again Thor was whimpering with bliss as his dream self was pushing his middle finger again and again in his brother’s virgin hole while he sucked him with the same rhythm. With each push Thor would cry out, with each shove Loki would bury his member deeper into his throat. He then pulled back and sat on all fours, stroking Thor’s manhood as he reached for his crack with his tongue, making it wet again.

Thor’s breathing got faster as Loki went back to sucking him more violently this time, his head going up and down in Thor’s lap at a frantic pace as he grabbed his brother’s hip with one hand to steady him.

“Oh… brother, this… this is it,” Thor breathed with a husky voice. “I’m-I’m going to… Oh. Don’t stop… don’t… Ah. AAAAaaah.

Thor squeezed Loki’s shoulder hard and bucked his hips forward as he came with a loud gasp, filling his brother’s mouth with his hot seed, almost choking him. And only then did Loki’s spirit realize that his dream self was jerking himself fast with his other hand, ejaculating on his hand as he let out a deep sigh. Thor closed his eyes panting as his head lolled back, and Loki held on to Thor’s knee resting his head on it, trying to catch his breath.

Loki’s spirit, still standing numb by that pillar, touched his crotch hesitantly and he almost felt his physical body lying next to Thor do the same. The sight of his dream self and his brother making love to each other and pleasuring themselves was too much to bear. And then Thor, whose hand was still lost in Loki’s dark hair, opened his eyes and looked straight at him, straight at Loki’s spirit.

Loki was terrified. He had seen him, Thor’s dream self had seen him. Suddenly he felt a violent pull at the back of his head and his navel, and the golden string of light that was connecting him with his physical body retracted like a spring, pulling him all the way out of Thor’s mind and back into the real world.

He sat right up, gasping desperately for air as his mind and body were one again and jumped right out of bed, terrified of what Thor might see in the light of the moons coming through the window, or what he might feel if his brother was too close to him. However Thor’s awakening was rather calm and peaceful. He slowly rubbed his eyes and yawned, then patted the mattress next to him looking for a presence that was no longer there, and lifted his head a little.

“Loki, what are you doing standing there?”

“I’m… I was about to… to take the pot and…”

“Hmm? Well you don’t seem to need one since you’ve already pissed yourself. Are you alright?”

Loki stared down his crotch and saw the large wet stain on his white linen breeches.

Thor blinked in disbelief, still not fully awakened. “Did you have a dream?”

“I - What? Uuuuh…” Loki was still searching for the right words. Did Thor really see him watching him in his wet dream?

“I know I did,” Thor said cheerfully as he lifted the covers to look at himself. “Look at this mess.”

Loki lowered his gaze in embarrassment as Thor got up to grab a towel from the drawers; he gathered any courage he had left and managed to form a sentence, trying to sound as indifferent as he could.  “It must have… I gather it was quite a dream, wasn’t it?”

“I have no idea,” Thor shrugged as he pushed the towel in his breeches wiping himself. “I don’t remember my dreams lately.”

“But… but surely you must remember what caused this,” Loki stuttered, pushing himself to smile like it was nothing.

“Well, if I had to guess it was probably Sif and that new girl from Vanaheim, the blonde, you know her? I’m sure if she and Sif agreed to bathe together one day they would gladly-”

Loki squeezed his eyes shut and cringed. “Did you really have to tell me? Now that image is imprinted in my brain.”

Thor chuckled as he bundled up the towel and threw it at his brother who grabbed it with a reluctant frown. “Well you asked, didn’t you?” he smirked. “I just answered your question.”

Honestly, I’m just fucking lonely

Not in the romanticized “when will i meet the one” type of way.

It’s in the way that i have almost no interaction with other people. No one texts me. No snapchats. No one is in my life quite literally…

I’m aware that it is pathetic. I’m aware that the first thought that comes to mind is that obviously something is wrong with ME. That is not the case. I can completely honestly say that.

I’ve been in some weird, some uncomfortable, some unsafe, some unfortunate situations…

Dear Diary (DRARRY FANFIC <3)

July 17th, 2005

Dear Diary,

It’s hard to love someone when you know they aren’t going to love you back. It gets hard to breathe when they walk by you but they don’t have a clue. Loving Harry is hard. Acting like you’re “just friends” is hard when all you want to do is put your hands through that mop that he calls hair and gaze into those sea green eyes and just cherish him and kiss him after Quidditch practice because his hair is messy and he’s flushed from the flying and his smile is huge because he’s doing what he loves. Every time he hugs me after he has nightmares are painful for me as well because seeing him in pain kills me inside. I’m lonely and I know he is too but I’m so scared to make the first move because I can’t afford to be broken again. I can’t handle not being able to love him. He’s what I need. Moping about it isn’t going to help but I’m too much of a weakling to do it. Blaise told me to get a move on or he would do it first. Dammit.

July 20th, 2005

Dear Diary,

Fuck it. I’m asking him. If anyone finds this diary, I died of embarrassment. Tell  Mother I love her.

July 21st, 2005

Dear Fucking Diary,

He said yes. 

art by @upthehillart 

Here is angsty Draco’s diary entry ( is angsty a word? does this qualify as angst? I don’t know English anymore). The urge to type Dear Drarry instead of Diary was REAL. I’m sorry :)

Ways That Jack Has Helped Me

1. Jack has helped me to start believing in myself more, and helped me to focus more on the positive things in life. I still struggle with this, but Jack has made such a difference and I have got a lot better thanks to him. I’m slowly building my self-esteem and a better outlook on life, thanks to Jack.

2. Jack has helped me through anxiety attacks. His videos have helped calm and distract me from anxious thoughts, and made me feel less lonely when my anxiety isolated me from everyone. Jack was a friend I could turn to even when anxiety was at its worst. No matter how loud and overwhelming my mind was, he could always cut through the noise and quieten it enough to soothe me.

3. Jack has helped me when I’ve felt sick, like last night. His videos are a good distraction from feeling ill and from pain, and have made it easier to relax and get to sleep when it would have otherwise been difficult. And they say that laughter is the best medicine - I don’t feel like laughing when I’m sick, but listening to Jack makes me laugh and smile.

4. On my bad depression days, Jack has been there to convince me that there is still good in the world, in my life. He makes me smile when little else can, and reminds me that things will get better. He never fails to lift me up. No matter how dark things were, he was always a light. When everything seems hopeless, I watch Jack and things aren’t so bleak.

5. Because of Jack saying ‘I believe in you’, and generally motivating us, I was able to start making videos. I already made videos but i was never in any of them, but that was something I wanted to do. I didn’t have the confidence and I feared I would be no good, but Jack convinced me to try anyway. I did, and I love it - and I’m not as bad as I thought I’d be. I have a passion for it and hope to be even a fraction as good a YouTuber as he is.

Thank you, Jack, for all that you’ve done for me. You really have changed my life for the better, and you have no idea what this all means to me. This post doesn’t even begin to describe how much you have helped me. You’ve done more for me than words could ever say. You mean the world to me and I hope that one day I can meet you, so I can thank you and give you the biggest hug ever. I love you. <3


I think at this point I’ve lost any right to complain about feeling lonely in the fandom.

After at least five online friendships failing because I’m distant, space-needy, poor friend material, a failed group chat effort and several failed attempts at joining fandom discords only to put a foot in my mouth and get all bristly, prickly and confrontational then hightailing it, it’s not others.

It’s just plain old me. I have no idea how to make friends anymore, and if I do find someone who I click with, the crippling distrust from experiences not too much past rears its head. 

Making friends or even regular acquaintances is hard when there’s three feet of reinforced plexiglass between people and you, manufactured and installed by yourself, but you’re just as clueless as anybody as to how to get rid of it. And most of the time I can manage it, it’s ok. But sometimes it just makes me so damned sad. And envious.

Five Things

Thanks @sfw-haikyuu-nsfw for always tagging me in fun things, I finally did one this time!

Five things you’ll find in my tote bag:

1.       Gum

2.       Chapstick

3.       Wallet

4.       Cellphone

5.       Keys

Five things you’ll find in my room:

1.       My computer- it’s been so lonely these days

2.       Books scattered here and there

3.       Artwork (I want to get more)

4.       Bed of course- it’s so comfy!

5.       Teal curtains that I LOVE

Five things that make me feel happy:

1.       Watching anime

2.       Writing (when I’m able)

3.       My bulldog Mr. Chubbs

4.       My husband- he’s my best friend

5.       Getting to hang with my friends

Five things I’m currently into:

1.       Log Horizon (amazing anime, I love it)

2.       Losing weight – I have to be in it to win it

3.       Rewatching Full Metal Alchemist Brotherhood

4.       It’s sad, I have nothing else I’m in to right now lol

Five things on my to do list:

1.       Start reading again, not just fics but books. Especially the graphic novels my friend loaned me

2.       Start exercising (hehe, of course right?)

3.       Getting back to writing next month (I really, really hope)

4.       Reconnecting with friends (I’ve been in a hermit hole for months)

5.       Do some deep cleaning (I have so much crap that just sits)

I’ll tag @rock-n-magick, @haikyuulovercompany, @nsfwhaikyuu-knb, @baesketballers, and @imagine-that-haikyuu  

Of course no one has to do this, I just wanted to do a little something fun and spread the love!

awwww omg my roommate said that sometime next week she and i should drink together and have roommate bonding time cause she feels bad that i dont go out partying with her and her friends…..shes such a sweetheart we have a weird bond cause were both lonely gays even though were so different. i think itd be fun and nice and shes so nice about it too like she didnt want to make me feel weird or anything i love her 

Does anybody else ever feel that your friends have other people that they call friends, they have other people to fall back on and you, you only have them. If they were to leave, you’d have nobody, whereas they would still have those other people in their lives. Such a lonely thought.


Shaw + first & last scenes with the team (and by herself) 。◕ ‿ ◕。

Working with a team required her to change and learn how to be a polite assassin and have some sort of bedside manner, but she’s still who she is. - Sarah Shahi

Just a reminder that dating in the LGBTQ community is pretty tough. If you feel discouraged, you aren’t alone. I’m 23, and my longest relationship has been 3 months (with a girl) in high school. So often I get my hopes up high, just to have them plummeted back down. It’s been really taxing to seek something serious and time and time again feel let down. I know that there are a million cliches about being young and finding your soulmate, but I’m lonely. Really lonely. It can happen to anyone, and sometimes you might not even be able to tell and it sucks. It feels like I’m a Sim, and all my bars are full except for a close connection with someone. It feels a bit unrealistic as I’ve scanned through a majority of the gay community in my area over the years. I just hope there is a day soon when my loneliness will ease up a bit. In contrast to all of this, I am so thankful to have all of my internet friends to motivate and encourage me. Please know that I’m here for you as well. Thanks for letting me vent. Feel free to vent in my inbox. Much love. Be kind.