not even close encounters

anonymous asked:

Hi! Do you have like, a list of headcaons for widow somewhere? Your take on her is super interesting and i wanna know more!!!

because lots of people are asking where I ‘align’ myself Widowmaker-wise, here’s a handy list that will also help interpret my art. Most of these are headcanons! It’s okay if you disagree with them! Anyway, here’s the sections included under the READMORE:

THE LACROIX TRAGEDY (The Gerard and Amelie dynamic)

It’s long!

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Weekend Stay for Prospective Students

Weekend Stays for Prospective Students in Elsewhere University are something that had to be planned cautiously, from what places to show to what to put in the introduction pamphlets (not just information, other things too), and who were going to be Tour Guides and Hosts for the students.
Being chosen for one of these jobs was an honour and a curse. To be a Guide, it was given that you should be knowledgeable about the university’s layout and surroundings, about which places were safe and which not and knowing how to react when this suddenly changed. People with authority were preferred for this spot, but sometimes it was the quiet ones who knew the school better and had some especial kind of intuition as to which places were safer.
To be a Host you had to know the rules as the back of your hand, and not just know them, follow them too. Your history with the fair folk had to be as clean as possible of things like debts, favours, and people near you taken away.
Here is where the curse part comes: as a Guide or Host you are responsible for a bunch of usually high school aged teenagers who sometimes weren’t good at following rules. That, of course, wasn’t a problem for Mike, he was in his senior year, and in the three years he had served as guide and host, not one single student had gotten lost.
This stereotypical nerdy kid wasn’t going to be the first.
Sarah really didn’t wanted to come here. She felt wrong, as if she was being observed from all angles, and something was also following her. But Noah, who usually wasn’t energetic about anything, had been so hyped that she really couldn’t say no.
Still the weird felling prevailed, and when the guides distributed the introductory pamphlets it just intensified. First of all, if she wasn’t wrong, a little packed of what appeared to be salt or sugar wand glued to the front of the pamphlets, under it, Elsewhere University was written in a fancy font all surrounded by what appeared to be a lot of green vines, she ignored that, but she really couldn’t ignore the first thing she saw after opening the thing: a list of suggestions on how to speak, or better, how to think before speaking, immediately followed by a short set of rules.
“Noah, are you seeing this? ‘Don’t make deals’? ‘Be polite to plants and animals’? What sort of- What are you doing?!”
“Shh! Do you know if crows can eat jerky?” He asked, he had an open pack of jerky in his hands and was eyeing a nearby crow that appeared to returning his stare.
“How would I know and where even did you got jerky? I thought you didn’t liked it,” Sarah asked, side eying the crow that appeared to be very interested in the piece of jerky that Noah was timidly offering.
“A cousin from Virginia was making a visit, she brought a whole box of the stuff, I have a bunch of-” he was interrupted by one of the guides in front of everyone group.
“Attention please!” The Guide, a dark haired guy who looked like he could have been a basketball player, waited until everybody was mostly quiet to talk again, “Good. Welcome to Elsewhere University, we are glad that you have chosen this university as a possible place to study, but before we give more information, I want you to open you pamphlets and pay a detention to the suggestions and the set rules written there. I ask you that you follow those rules, for your own good- and I’m not joking” he added after hearing some snickers.
After a fast revision of the rules they were assigned of chose a partner from the other prospective students, just groups of two, no more. Sarah immediately took hold of Noah’s arm, he sometimes tended to be a bit distracted and had the custom of wandering off during field trips since he was in middle school.
“Now, stay with your partners, and wait for your hosts, they are here to protect you, they will accompany you through all your stay here, again, for your own safety, the university grounds are vast and have a big part of forests, it’s very easy to get lost. Your hosts will review the principal rules with you in more detail before we begin our trip to the dorms.” the Guide looked down to a folder in his hands, looked around and started walking toward them.
Noah looked about to ask her something (“hey have you seen my-“) but someone touched her shoulder before he could finish, “Um, excuse me, are you, um, is this your picture?” a shy looking girl was showing Sarah a picture of her in of one of those folders that all the hosts appeared to have. She wondered why her name wasn’t written there.
“Yes,” she said with a smile, ”you must be my host, my name is-“
“Wait!” the girl looked altered as if Sarah was breaking some kind of federal law, and then surprised of herself for her outburst “We… we don’t use our given names here, it’s, um, a tradition of sorts, for our own protection” she kinda whispered the last part, looking around a bit, Sarah noticed that Noah was talking to the guide who was speaking earlier. His host, she guessed, “you can call me Tina, and you should come up with a nick name too,”
“Um, ah, you can call me Lara, nice to meet you” she extended her hand for Tina to take, she wasn’t good coming up with things in short notice.
“Yeah, me too” Tina took her hand.
“So this is your friend. I’m Mike, nice to meet you miss…” Noah’s host inserted himself in the conversation, with Noah beside him.
“Lara, nice to meet you too” presentations done, they made a bit of chit-chat, revised some of the rules (Sarah looked pointedly at Noah Nathan from now on, every time rules like ‘Don’t eat food that someone gives you unless you’re sure they are human’ came up) and then started walking again with the tour. Suddenly, Mike was called from ahead, he threw an apologetic smile at them, and ran to where his name was being shouted.
They kept walking. Nathan looked near his feat, stopped, and started to crouch. Tina called her attention to something at the other side, just for a second, just one, and when she looked back Nathan was gone, she looked around a bit but couldn’t spot him, “Um, Tina? Did you saw Nathan walk away?”
“Huh, no, why?” after a some talking, Tina had opened up a bit she was still almost painfully shy, ”Wasn’t he following us?”
“Yeah, he was, but I can’t find him now”
“You mean he isn’t around?”
“Um, no, he just kinda disappeared, one second he was here and the next he wasn’t”
Tina looked around, standing in her tiptoes trying to look over the crowd and when does couldn’t find him, she turned pale. “Oh my God” she took a deep breath, her eyes open wide, “oh my God, please no,” now Sarah was a bit scared, and also somewhat confused, “please no, not the first one in three years, not in my first year” Tina was starting to hyperventilate, typing erratically in her phone. Sarah didn’t understood why she was so altered, Nathan had just wandered off, just as always, he would come back in a few minutes.
She saw Mike approach them running, evading people with a grace she wished she had. He had a worried expression on his face, but not as panicky as Tina. He immediately took hold of Sarah’s shoulders, just making her more confused about what they were freaking out, “You sure you didn’t saw him wander off?” he asked.
“Um, yes, I’m sure, but, guys? Why are you so worked up? He’ll turn up in a few minutes”
“No, no, you don’t understand, that’s not how it works here” Tina looked like she was having a panic attack, Sarah looked at Mike unsure of how to react. He had a sour expression on his face, but he let her go to approach Tina.
“Calm down Tina, calm down, we don’t need panicking hosts, remember training. It was near this spot, right? I’ll contact the AR they know what to do, don’t worry about it and attend to your own charge”
“Yes, yes,” she whispered, looking like the only thing grounding her was Mike’s hands, “I’ll do just that,” she looked closer to calm after that. Sarah was pulled away by Tina to keep going with the tour. The last thing she saw was Mike frowning while hurriedly speaking on the phone.
Mike couldn’t believe it. He wasn’t mad with Tina, she was pretty good at this, almost no dangerous encounter in her history, but it was her first year doing this and having a really close encounter (even if she didn’t saw it) during her firsts time probably wasn’t good, so it wasn’t her fault. No, he was mad at himself. He had years in this. Four years to be exact, the first freshman to participate in planning. He was the one people (especially freshies) came for help, he was supposed to be trust worthy.
And then his charge (his charge) was lost in to the Other realm. He couldn’t really know what was being bargained with the Fae, he wasn’t a AR (couldn’t be, really, his major and ‘always ready for danger’ personality caused both respect and fear, but sometimes bit too much fear and anyone would feel cornered and attack, so he couldn’t approach the fae), but he knew that they weren’t making a lot of advances; Fae were chaotic neutral, but sometimes, some of them fit the chaotic part more than the neutral, and it so happens that his charge was lured by one of those. They tried to control this with agreements and other things, but every few groups of prospective students, one or two got lost, and without knowing the rules or constant contact with the fair folk to learn the most basic unwritten rules, they were more difficult to be returned.
His charge, Nathan, was a nice kid, a bit too peppy for his taste, but he was overall nice: followed the rules without questions, and, curiously, seemed to have a connection with the place. If he decided to study here, he would have done well, but now they probably wouldn’t even know.
They tried to keep it as quiet as possible, no one outside the weekend event organisers and AR were allowed to know to not scare the prospective students away. One day, 6 hours and counting. Tomorrow evening was the end of the weekend event, guests were supposed to go back to their homes. The event had been a blast for them, but all the school residents in the know were worried underneath, they just knew how to hide it better.
It was the morning of the last day. Sarah had slept a total of 6 hours in her whole stay here, she hadn’t texted or called he parents in fear of revealing something in accident. They had explained her everything (or as much as they dared to say aloud). Fae. The fairy tales, those that her grandmother liked to tell her, had just turned into a more morbid- realistic view. Noah had been kidnapped by the Fae.
Well, not really, but something like it, and now he was lost on the “Other Real”, a difficult place to get to and even more difficult to get out of. She understood the names thing now, Names have power, more power than ever should be assigned to something so simple.
She was standing near the place with other Tina who was trying get to console her, other university students were passing near. Crows were unusually loud that day. She wasn’t sure why they were standing there, it was her decision, but that didn’t meant that she understood it. She supposed it was a way of coping, and that maybe, if she wished hard enough, he would just come out stumbling from the trees….
…Just like he was doing right now.
“No- Nathan!” he tripped on something and took a hold of a branch for support, “My God, Nathan, are you ok? Are you hurt? Do you remember me?”
She ran to him, being careful to not touch him in case he was hurt, he looked tired, but happy, well, not happy, satisfied was more like it, and a bit more confident than two days ago. He still had his backpack with him, if a bit lighter, his clothes looked ruffled and a bit dirty, but not much. “I’m glad to see you too, Lara, I’m ok, I’m not hurt, and yes, Lara, I remember you, but first things first. Let’s find food, I’m starving” she was happy to obey.
After he was fed and watered, and a comfy as he could without taking a shower Sarah asked him why he had wandered off “My keys. I had lost them near there, and I saw something shiny on the floor, so I confused it with them”. Someone, he thought it was his host, but he wasn’t sure, Some specific recent things were a bit fuzzy in his mind, asked how he had gotten out. “I followed the crows, of course, very trusty fellows if you treat them well”
If he took two extra salt packets from the cafeteria and stuffed them in his pockets, nobody said anything; if not two weeks later he decided on getting hire ears pierced and was looking for iron and silver earrings, Sarah preferred not to comment; and if that year he only applied for Elsewhere University and nothing else, his parents took a look at the place’s prestigious reputation and decided it was better to ignore it.
In campus, the tale of the prospective student who managed to get out of the Other realm by his own will, would continue to spread. Facts changing to make it more interesting (“He came out with the Sight”, “He was blessed by the Queen-“(“Don’t ever mention the Queen, you idiot!”), “He went back in a few hours after and hasn’t been spotted since then”), but if you went near the tree where crows liked to congregate, you may see (very probably) a student, a bit nerdy, but confident, with an aura that seem to fit with the place, feeding the crows, and smiling like he knew something they didn’t every time he herd the tale.
Note: It’s been a long while since I’ve written something that wasn’t a school paper, I think it is glaringly obvious in my inability to write actually short stories. Anyway, when I saw the Elsewhere University post I experienced love at first sight and after reading some asks about prospective students and some people that just seemed to fit in the university this was born. I apologise for the length, I really tried to make it short (yes, it was way longer before editing).


Original #14: Don’t Drink The Water

Length: Super long

I used to work as a long-distance transport driver. Although low-paying and tiring, I loved the freedom that the job entailed. I was given the opportunity to travel to many parts of the country that I had not been to before. I’d met dozens of drivers just like me, and have exchanged numerous thrilling and hilarious stories with each other.

Throughout my years of driving, I’d encountered some rather dangerous occurrences. There was the time where I was chased by a group of motorcycle gang riders who’d threatened to run me run off the road. And there was the time I was almost attacked in a rest-stop toilet. And then who could forget the time where some crazy drug junkie decided to break into my truck in the middle of the night and drive away, while I was sleeping in the back of the very same truck. That was something insane.

But these incidents do not even come close to my most dangerous driving encounter. I’d escaped from my most dangerous encounter by the skin of my teeth, and it was this sole incident that changed the entire course of my driving career. And here’s what happened.

This particular driving assignment started off just like any other. I was assigned to cargo which I had to drive all the way to a small city about 20 hours away. Easy peasy. I made the trip, dropped off the goods, and headed back.

About 10 hours into my return trip, I was getting knackered and hungry, and decided to call it a day. Besides, it was getting dark, and I generally prefer to travel in daylight. I turned off the main highway, and headed down a smaller road which I’d recalled seeing a motel and diner by its side. I pulled up into the parking lot of the motel, checked in with my supervisor, and got out of the truck. This being a rather quiet highway, there wasn’t much traffic. Besides my truck, there were only a couple of other vehicles parked around.

I made my way to the motel – although calling it a motel may be a bit of a long shot. The motel was little more than a small, rickety building, with faded paint peeling off its sides. A cracked neon sign with the words “MOTEL – VACANCY” blinked at its entrance. I peered through the dusty window of the main door. The front desk seemed to be empty, and the lights inside were switched off. I was getting an odd feeling about the motel.

I tugged at the door. It was locked.

“Great,” I swore, kicking my thumping my fists on the door in frustration. It was late at night and I desperately wanted a bed to sleep on. At that point in time, it seemed that my only alternative was to sleep at the back of my truck – again. I certainly did not relish that idea, and decided to head over to the diner in hopes of finding someone to help with my lodging situation.

Compared to the motel, the diner seemed to be much better furnished than the motel. Spotlights from the ground lit up the exterior of the diner, the window panes were wiped clean, and the walls seemed to be painted within this century. It looked adequate.

I pushed open the door and the fragrance of freshly brewed coffee wafted into my nostrils. It was intoxicating. Besides myself, there were only two other customers in the small diner – both sitting at opposite sides, and minding their own businesses. A waitress emerged from the kitchen behind and nodded at me. Her name tag told me that her name was Katie.

“Hey there, handsome,” she smiled. “Could I get you anything?”

“Sure, could I get a Sprite, please?” I replied, settling myself into a booth at the side of the diner.

“Right away.” Katie winked playfully and disappeared back into the kitchen.

I drummed my fingers patiently on the table top as I surveyed around. Beside my table sat an elderly man, his face well hidden behind a piece of open newspaper. Oddly enough, it seemed like he had ordered nothing, and the only thing that sat on his table was a thermos flask.

Katie sauntered up to my table and set down a cup of Sprite. Once again, she wore a friendly and warm smile on her face. Unlike the other waitresses I had met in most other diners, she seemed much friendlier and eager to serve. I decided to approach her to enquire about a room in the motel. I raised up my glass and made to drink the Sprite, when a low hiss from my side caught my attention. I paused, the cup inches away from my lips as I turned towards the sound.

It was the elderly man. He’d lowered the newspaper and I could now see his face. His gaze was fixed intently on me, and his mouth was set in a firm, straight line.

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Forgiviness - Theo Raeken (Smut)


English is not my native language, so I’m sorry for the mistakes,enjoy!

Warning: Sexual content

Scott had scheduled a pack reunion at the police station, called me saying it was urgent and I found myself getting there as soon as possible, as soon as the door closed behind me the confusion started.

“Ah, there you are, that’s good, come, we’ve been waiting for you”

“Scott, what’s going on here, what’s the big deal?”

Scott was holding my arm and leading me towards a room, opened the door and said.

“Please try not to freak out now, this is not the time for this”

I was more confused than normal, I entered the room after him then I could see the whole pack together when look who was in the corner … Theo.

“What the fuck is he doing here? What are you doing here? I thought you were dead”

Theo got up and came towards me, everyone in the room was quiet with the heads down, after all the last time I saw him, he was screaming being pulled under the earth.

“Y / N … I missed you”

With my eyes full of tears I slapped him in the face.

“You have the courage to betray me and my friends and then you tell me that you missed me, Theo, Theo, I think you’re lying again”

“Y / N, let me explain …”

“Scott, what’s so important for you to meet us here?” I said cutting off Theo, I did not want to hear anything from him, I trusted him, I loved him, and all I get is treason because of power. During the entire encounter Theo was close to me even though I’d been trying to ignore him, only an idiot wouldn’t realize that there was still something between us.


We were coming home after all the confusion. When Theo call me.

“Y / N wait, let’s talk, please,” Theo said taking my hand as he headed toward my car.

“Theo there’s nothing for us to talk about”

“I know I’ve been wrong, I’ve always been wrong, all this time I’ve been here, but in any moment I pretend to feel something for you”

“I gave you my trust, and you put a knife in my back, I did not even have the opportunity to try to understand why you had gone, I cried for weeks, months, everything because I trusted you, Stiles was right all along “

"Y / N don’t do it please, I NEVER, never lied to you, I understand you’re angry at what I’ve done to your friends, and I regret it, but I’ve never done anything to hurt you, baby, please let me convince you ”

Theo now had tears in his eyes and when I realized he was already holding my waist and a hand was on his chest .

“okay. You come with me then ”

I pulled away from him, he sat in the passenger seat, and from outside I could see Scott’s worried gaze, I think he knew te truth, Theo was already forgiven.

“I just want to make it clear to you, just because I forgave you doesn’t mean that everything will be the same as before” with that I turned on the car and headed towards my house, the whole way was silent.


As we arrived at my house and opened the door Theo began to explain, but I interrupted pulling his shirt and giving him a kiss.

“You have no idea how angry I am that you left me”

“I’m sorry baby”

“But you also have no idea how much I missed you”

Theo smiled and gave me another deep kiss grabbed my waist and said

“Jump baby”

And so I did, like at all other times. Theo led me to my room while he kissed me, he did not even have to look at the way, he knew the way, so many times that he was there. Arriving on the edge of the bed he put me down and took off my shirt, and I repeated his actions, removing his belt and opening his pants as he kissed my neck, Theo unbuttoned my skirt and she fell easily, he took me to the bed while he looked at my eyes, he always did that, he never let his eyes go away from mine.

“I missed you baby, you have no idea”

We were lying on my bed, Theo between my legs, he started kissing my neck and went down towards my abdomen, as soon as it came to my sex, he looked at me and give it a kiss still covered by my panties.

“Don’t be a tease love”

He kissed on my thigh and removed my panties, soon he returned to kiss my neck and I was trying to remove his underwear, as soon as he took it off, he gave me a hot kiss, while I pulled his hair so he looked at me , he left my lips with a bite and smiled.

“I’m not going to make you wait any longer, baby, We’ve already waited too long.”

“Please, I need you.”

It is as if my words were an order he obeyed without thinking twice, he was inside me with slow movements.

“Huum, I can not stay away from you, my love, never again,” Theo said.

No matter how much shit he had done, it was not going to be the same, I loved him. I put my arms around his neck and kissed him.

“I want you just for me, and nobody else, just you and me”

“Huuum, I love you baby girl, you are mine and I am yours”

With this he accelerated his movements and I was almost cumming.

“Cum to me, I want to feel you, I miss you, love”

All he needed was the right words and I was already cumming, and moments later he followed my actions. We stood in the same position for a few minutes, I hugged him, and he stroked my neck with his nose, neither of us wanted to say anything afraid to ruin the moment, Theo leaned his head against my chest and we ended up sleeping like that.

Originally posted by withjunhui

TYPES OF KISSES: A kiss after yearning for it for far too long // 1.7k words.

“Thank you for meeting me here tonight.”

Seungcheol’s voice was quiet as he spoke, warm brown hues glancing over at you as he leaned back to rest against the grass. Underneath the glow of the moon, he still somehow looked as if he was shining, the rapper’s silhouette illuminating in the light of the moon as he stared up at the night sky. It wasn’t the first time he had taken your breath away just by simply looking at him – hell, it wasn’t even close to being the tenth time.

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anonymous asked:

I'm not sure Sansa is gonna survive S7, I try very hard not to feel this but from time to time I think ab it. I'm more Sansa than Jonsa, but I'd really like J/S to happen, so certain things keeps me going, like their 1st conversation, it was awkward in an odd way, ppl say to me it was awkward bc they weren't close when kids or didn't get along... but I ask wth it seems so romantic/flirtatious? They find excuses but don't refute the romantic undertones, which is interesting... I wasn't JS bf 604.

Hi Anonny! 

I can’t give you any certainty, this is still Game of Thrones, so anything could happen really… But I must say I’m actually fairly confident Sansa is going to survive season 7! I believe Sansa will be the one to lead the North through the Long Night, not at the head of an army, but holding the fort back in Winterfell. And after that, she’ll be one of the key players to rebuild the world after the Battle for the Dawn is won.

She could have a close encounter with death though. She might even die, but she won’t stay dead. There are theories that she might be poisoned or (nearly) die in childbirth. But no worries, in case that happens, she’ll be brought back to life by the Kiss of Life! @aryasmeatpies and I believe Jon could be the one to give her that kiss, @natty86 thinks Sandor will be the one, sacrificing his own life for her.

That’s it for the tinfoil! 

The Jonsa fandom and people outside it have been discussing those season 6 scenes for over a year and we’re still not done talking about them! Whatever it is, there is something there and it’s hard to pin it down. Some people do indeed simply attribute it to the awkwardness of getting reacquainted and the uncertainty of what they mean to the other, but to me it’s more than that.
Jon’s longing looks, Sansa’s flirting, the lighting, the framing, the romantic parallels, the romantic comedy tropes, … It all just seems too much to be the sum of awkwardness and coincidence, wouldn’t you agree? I didn’t start shipping Jon and Sansa till after I’d seen most of season 6 and I think there are many people who found themselves in that situation.

I must say that most of the time I’m really confident about Jonsa becoming canon, but I have my moments of doubt… My biggest fear is that we won’t get anything real in season 7 and we’ll have to wait till season 8 for Jonsa. I’m mostly worried about that because of the reactions of antis.

All in all, I think Sansa is safe and there is a good chance Jonsa will be endgame. And of course I’d like to see at least a kiss in season 7!

Don’t Forget about the Dangers of Conjuring Sometimes

One thing Tumblr is famous for is making stuff out to be totally okay without thinking about the consequences of actions. This is especially true among a lot of spirit keeping peeps, and I just want to make a bit of a blog about some of the risks. I think this sort of thing is not talked about as much as it should be here. I know I’ve been posting a lot lately, but these are all blogs I wanted to do this past week that I didn’t get to, what with Pandora’s grandfather’s funeral and all that. I might get a little hate for this, but I feel it’s necessary.

Let me tell you a little bit about the rocky road I took to get into spirit keeping. (Stomach-knotting trigger warning)

Imagine little Lu, 15-16 years old growing up in a rural house way out in the boonies with one best friend–Pandora. Ten years ago, Pandora and I were very close. Uncomfortably so for our parents. We spent days and nights together locked up in a bedroom, but not doing what you might think we were. No, we did like each other, but it was different back then. I was fighting off a nasty demon that was latched onto her. I tend to tell this story a lot, but I don’t go into depth. This time I want to talk about what exactly happened–how I ended up getting down the road of conjuring in order to banish the demon.

I met a spirit whom I’ll simply call AJ. She informed me that the only way to understand how to remove the demon from Pandora was to learn how to be possessed. It was my job to transfer the demon from her to myself, because I had a steadier mind and could get rid of him that way. It seemed like bogus to me at the time, but I learned. I spent night after night learning how to channel spirits and banish demons. I stayed up until 5am on school nights just so I could safely rescue my best friend. This demon tortured us during this time. He would send me sideways glances and pass me notes in school and at church telling me about how he was going to kill Pandora when we got home, and that he wouldn’t let me stop him this time. I was beyond traumatized. I stopped Pandora twice from suicide, but failed twice as well. She got close while I was away with my family, and at one point even ended up in the hospital. I didn’t know what to feel. I was grief-stricken and sick to my stomach every night. We hadn’t conjured this demon to begin with–he’d been there for a long time. But he tortured us. There wasn’t a day that didn’t pass by that we were unharmed. I went without eating for a time, too caught up trying to stop him from driving a knife into one of us, or downing a bottle of pills. I was slapped, beaten on, pushed into shelves and walls every night, bitten, and molested. Both Pandora and I were.

Originally posted by torturezone

It was a victory for me when I finally gained his favor. I spent nights with him after that, allowing him to have his way with me and grow attached to me instead. He wanted attention, and I gave it to him. I finally allowed him entrance into my mind, and with AJ’s help, we banished the hell out of him.

Now jump forward several months after. Pandora purchased a ouija board because she felt it would help us get more in touch with our spirit friends we met along the road. I thought it was all fun and games. We conjured a few spooks and had some good laughs, especially when the board would literally tell us to “f**k off,” or we’d ask the spirit to talk to us, and they’d immediately move the planchette to “no.” Things got worse for us, though. We thought it was all over. We were just having fun, but we weren’t shielding. We didn’t know how to, and didn’t even know what shielding was back then.

Originally posted by real-bad-day

A few weeks later, Pandora and I got in trouble for having the ouija board in the house, and so we moved it to her car. On the way home to my parents’ place, Pandora was suddenly washed over with this gaunt, hollow energy. She stared out the windshield and simply said, “I’m going to ram this car into that pole up there.” I was filled with dread, because I understood that particular tone of voice. It wasn’t the demon from before, but it was another influencing spirit. One who wanted mayhem and wanted to hurt. I screamed at her to slow down. My heart was pounding in my chest as she took violent turns. Finally by the time we made it to the last mile near the house, she slammed on the breaks, and I forced her out. I circled around so I could drive home, but just as I touched the car door, the whole vehicle jerked out of my way and revved, crashing into a fence about thirty yards away. No one had been in it to drive it.

By the time Pandora and I had stopped shrieking in terror, we went over to inspect the damage. The car was fine, but I’ll bet you can guess what had pushed its way out of the trunk and somehow made it up near the back driver’s seat. That’s right–the ouija board.

Think that’s all? Oh no, not even close. Pandora and I have had some frightening encounters from other spirits years after that, but that incident has always stuck with me. It damaged me. It terrorized me. I couldn’t sleep that night, or the next. I was petrified and wanted nothing to do with conjuration after that.

Of course, if I would have dropped conjuring right there, I wouldn’t be a co-owner of a spirit conjuring shop today. We’ve met some big nasties before–human-eaters, serial killers, nightmarish poltergeists… but this blog isn’t to scare you. Please don’t think it is. Just be careful. Use wards. Use shields.

Spirit conjuring isn’t a game. In mine and Pandora’s lives, it’s a service. Be aware that many legitimate shops have had years worth of experience before they offer beings. They’ve gone through pain and terror like we have, and they know what to watch out for. There are still some beings that I have been offered to conjure, but I won’t because they frighten me–even with protective wards in place and the promises of guardians. One being the Yaw–a Peregrine race of deformed humanoids that are best known in their realm for devouring human beings.

Take care, folks, and just remember that not all conjuring is fluff. Have safe astral travels, and always remember to bring your guardians and guides with you, wherever you go. I don’t want anyone to go through what I did in my teens. There are still songs I hear, or looks I get on occasion, that will send shivers down my spine or wrack my body with dread. I use more specialized tools for conjuring nowadays, and never go anywhere without my guardian angel or one of my guides. My life in the astral has been much safer, and I only hope the same for all other conjurers out there.


Hynek’s Scale of UFO Classification, 1972

We’ve all seen, or at least heard of the 1977 film; ‘Close Encounters of the Third Kind, but do we really know what it means or where it came from? Hynek’s Scale of UFO Classification has played a major role in identifying the type of contact or encounter an individual may have had with a UFO or an alien entity. Many years after, his work in the USAF he carried out independent research on UFOs, developing the Close Encounter Classification System and is widely considered the father of the concept of scientific analysis of both reports and, especially, trace evidence supposedly left by UFOs. 

UFO reports differ in many details but can be categorised by similarities that recur such as feature, shape, appearance, disappearance, sound and colour.

Relatively Distant Sightings, or Distant Encounters (DE)

  • Nocturnal Lights or DE-1: Features sightings or well defined lights in the night sky whose appearance and/or motion are not explainable in terms or conventional light sources. The lights may appear red, blue, orange or white. These DE’s form the largest group of UFO reports. 
  • Close Encounters of the First Kind or CE-1: Though the witness observes a UFO nearby, there appears to be no interaction with either the witness or the environment. 
  • Close Encounters of the Second Kind or CE-2: These encounters include details of interaction of the UFO and the environment which may vary from interference with car ignition systems and electronic gear to imprints or burns on the ground and physical effects on plant’s and the surrounding area.
  • Close Encounters of the Third Kind or CE-3: In this category, occupants of a UFO - entities that are human-like or 'humanoid’ or not human-like have been reported. There is usually no direct contact or communication with the witness. However, in recent years, reports of incidents involving very close contact - even detainment of witnesses have been reported.   

There have also been additions to the scale such as:

  • Close Encounter of the Fourth Kind or CE-4: This involves a person being unwillingly abducted and used for experimentation purposes.
  •  Close Encounter of the Fifth Kind or CE-5: This is when there is a direct form of communication between ETs and humans, this is the rarest experience of them all and very few people have experienced it. 
  • Close Encounter of the Sixth Kind or CE-6: When contact between ETs and humans results in injury or even death. 
  • Close Encounter of the Seventh Kind or CE-7: The mating between an ET and a human subject, that produces a hybridisation, usually called a 'Star Child’. 

random Pokemon game idea, wondering if anyone’s ever thought of it before

imagine a park management game that’s pokemon themed. You make your own safari park essentially.

You can set up regions, teraform to appeal to different pokemon types, and have to take care of them to make sure they don’t feel out of place or get sick or injured.

Teraforming would be a huge part in building environments, since you’d need to be able to build things like rivers, lakes, volcanos, forests, fields, etc., even man-made areas for some of the more mechanical pokemon. You could also place down structures that appeal to certain pokemon.

While the primary goal would be setting up regions for your mons, you can also designate visitor areas and sections for people to observe mons, and even have sections were people can get close to Pokemon, as well as set up shops like a normal park management game to earn extra revenue.

And the best part, you could even set up tracks through regions for close safari encounters. You could ride on these encounters yourself as well–at which point the game switches to a pokemon snap format. Good pics can unlock upgrades for your park and new photography equipment.

And, you can even visit other peoples’ parks to check out their safari tracks and biomes they’ve made.

All I Can Taste Are Poppies

For the record, I blame @thealicehuntt (your title for the fic game just got the creativity going!) and @bouncyirwin for suggesting Coldplay (I wrote this listening to a playlist of their heartbreaking songs so… thanks lol)

ANGST ahead! You’ve been warned.

All I Can Taste Are Poppies
Words: 1,382
Rating: T

Kakashi was lying flat on his back staring up at the sky. It had been a long time since he’d just taken in the world above him. Winter was pressing in; if it hadn’t been evident in the muted blues of the skies, it was known by the wind blowing through branches shedding themselves of their foliage - the blaze of red and orange leaves extinguished as brown ones fluttered down around him like snow.

Winter had always made Kakashi a little sad. The days were shorter and it was colder, and he’d always found it difficult to stay warm. Everything just felt lonelier, and he found himself reminiscing more. The memories were bittersweet as he tasted them.

Even though he’d accepted the reality of his biggest regrets, it didn’t make them any less painful. But then he began to remember the tender moments: Rin’s smile, the way Minato would encourage him, how Obito’s antics would pull a secret smile from him.

He couldn’t remember his mother, but he could remember the feel of her hand brushing through his hair. The smell of rice, and the eggplant his father would grill for him.

Naruto’s energy and enthusiasm, as much as Kakashi would deny it, was infectious. Even if the blond was loud and brash, he got things done. His faith was unshakeable. Kakashi admired that about him, was maybe even a bit envious of that quality.

The laughs and close encounters with death he’d shared with Tenzo - there were times he never felt more alive as he did than when returning from a mission with him.

And Sakura. He smiled just at the thought of her. She was perhaps the most bittersweet. They had spent so long dancing around one another, and the transition from friends to something more had been so gradual - so subtle - that he’d been unsure if she held any feelings for him at all until the night of Naruto’s inauguration.

Like a photograph, he could remember every detail of her that night - how her hair was styled, the color of her dress, how she smelled, the way her laughter reverberated into his chest, his soul. He could still see the dust of pink on her cheeks as they slow danced off in the back corner of the room, as she pulled herself closer and whispered how she didn’t want him to let her go as the song ended.

He could remember the thrill in her chakra as he pulled her out onto the terrace and into the shadows, as her fingers curled into his hair, and around his heart, as he dragged his mask down and kissed her. And Kakashi knew from that moment on that he was hers.

Sakura, she’d been just as fiery in their relationship as she’d been on the battlefield. Sometimes she knew just the right buttons to push, the right combination of words to elicit his knee-jerk responses. Their arguments had been as passionate as their embraces under the crisp white sheets of her bed.

But most of the time she’d been quiet understanding, and even now if he closed his eyes he could still feel of the smoothness of her skin against his cheek as he lay curled up in her arms.

The soft mornings they shared were rare, and treated with care as if anything beyond a whisper would shatter the fragility of the moment. But those mornings - when their legs were twined together and his nose buried in her hair, her slender arms around his middle - were always his favorite.

Beyond dinners and scattered empty bottles of shochu, more than holding hands on the balcony and how she looked dwarfed in his clothes, aside from how she’d sigh his name or how she’d laugh at his dry jokes… those mornings were more precious to him than anything she could give him.

And she’d given so much, and tried to give more and more. Her love could be nearly suffocating at times, but that’s just how she was. When she loved - when she fought, when she attempted anything - she went full force.  And she deserved the same full force of his love, but he had no idea how to reciprocate.

She insisted that she was okay with it: she didn’t need to hold hands as they walked the village. She didn’t need kisses stolen when no one was looking. She didn’t need extravagant dinners or double dates with her friends.

But she wanted it, he knew. He could see it in the tightness in the corners of her eyes when Naruto would kiss Hinata and make her blush in the middle of the marketplace. He could hear it in her voice when she turned down invites.

“I only need you, Kakashi,” she’d say time and again.

But he could hear the change in her tone every time she reminded him. Light and airy with a smile, to sounding like she was convincing a child there were no monsters under the bed, to sounding like she was convincing herself.

He never wanted to do that to her, to dull any of her edges, smother any of her fire. Sakura had been one of the best things to happen to him, however Kakashi did not feel that the opposite was true. She deserved so much more. The last few weeks of their relationship had been arguments about their future, about the state of her happiness, and how much more she could be if he just stepped back.

He can still see the angry tears rolling down her face as she’d yell at him to shut up, to stop pushing her away. As she asked if he still loved her. Which he thought was a ludicrous question. Of course he did, which was why he was doing this, she just couldn’t understand. And every fight would end with them hugging, with her pleading him to just come to bed, that they’d figure it out, that they’d be okay. He loved her and she loved him and that was enough, was in it?

“Tell me it’s enough.”

Those delicate mornings never came again.

Kakashi had been ready to take all the blame, to shoulder all of her discontent. He could do this for her. He’d been ready for everything except the quiet devastation on her face. He had been expecting more yelling, more pushing, more fire. Instead, he could remember with perfect clarity the exact moment he’d broken her heart. The hurt and betrayal she felt screamed on her features though she didn’t say a word, only crumbled.

A shaky breath parted Kakashi’s lips and he closed his eyes, cutting off the view of the sky. Warmth spilled down his cheeks and he sniffled, reining back the emotions. If only he had a second chance, he’d do things so much differently. He cracked bleary eyes open again, his gaze drawn to the cottony wisps of clouds passing. Another breeze passed through, shaking more leaves free, rattling his bones. Briefly, he considered that it was time to go inside, but his body felt so heavy, as if his limbs had rooted him to the ground.

With all of his energy he lifted his hand up, up, blocking what little sunlight remained. Crimson dripped from his fingers and slid down his forearm.

That’s right…

A single humorless laugh jerked his shoulders as his hand fell to the ground. Iciness had gripped his body and for the first time Kakashi wished for a miracle. He’d spent so many of his Anbu days wondering which mission would claim his life. He had volunteered up that same life to save his village. He’d been ready to meet his maker so many times. But now, now he wanted to live, to have the opportunity to fix his wrongs, not even for him but for Sakura. Because she deserved more than this. Because she was still listed as his contact, even all these months later. She didn’t deserve that visit.

Kakashi concentrated, but he could barely pull any chakra forward to his hand. He laughed, a deep and hollow sound, before he pulled in a sharp breath through a sob. His eyes focused back on the blurry sky. Please, someone… anyone… come for me. Find me… save me…

If only he had a second chance.

Spellingg Bee - SuperSmeller/ SuperSniffer
Speak Now or Forever Hold Your Piece - Peter Panic
9 Lives - Gus “Sillypants” Jackson
Who Ya Gonna Call? - Francois
Shawn vs. The Red Phantom - Magic Head
Shawn vs. the Red Phantom - Chocolate Columbo
Forget Me Not - Dr. Mc … Tock
Game, Set… Muuurder? - Earnest Lambert Watkins
Poker? I Barely Know Her - Felicia Fancybottom
Scary Sherry: Bianca’s Toast - D'Andre
American Duos - Gus T.T. Showbiz
Zero to Murder in Sixty Seconds - Ovaltine Jenkins
And Down the Stretch Comes Murder - Burton “Oil Can” Guster
And Down the Stretch Comes Murder- Burton the Billowy Bear
Meat Is Murder, But Murder Is Also Murder - Magic Head
Rob-a-Bye Baby - Shmuel Cohen
Bounty Hunters! - Galileo Humpkins
Gus’s Dad May Have Killed an Old Guy - Schoonie “U-Turn” Singleton
The Old and the Restless - Nick-Nack
Lights, Camera… Homicidio - Lavender Gooms
Black and Tan: A Crime of Fashion - Tan (Tangus)
Shawn (and Gus) of the Dead - Bruton “Gasty” Gaster
Shawn (and Gus) of the Dead - Paddy Simcox
Ghosts - Fearless Guster
Ghosts - Lemongrass Gogulope
Daredevils! - Die Harder
Daredevils! - Squirts MacIntosh
The Greatest Adventure in the History of Basic Cable - Ernesto Agapito Garcés con ya de Abelar
The Greatest Adventure in the History of Basic Cable - Big Baby Burton
The Greatest Adventure in the History of Basic Cable - Black Star
The Greatest Adventure in the History of Basic Cable - Homeskillet
Disco Didn’t Die. It Was Murdered! - Methuselah Honeysuckle
There Might Be Blood - Chesterfield McMillan and wife
Talk Derby to Me - Longbranch Pennywhistle
Christmas Joy - Scrooge Jones
Six Feet Under the Sea - Hummingbird Saltalamacchia
Earth, Wind, and… Wait for It - Step Anthony Wally Ali (Cat Stuck in a Tree)
Any Given Friday Night at 10pm, 9pm Central - Dequan “Smallpox” Randolph
Truer Lies - Hollabackatcha
Tuesday the 17th - Slicks
An Evening With Mr. Yang - Sterling Cooper
An Evening With Mr. Yang - Trapezious Milkington
He Dead - Jazz Hands
The Devil’s in the Details… and the Upstairs Bedroom - Shawn
High Top Fade Out - Detective Miles
High Top Fade Out - Gus Brown
High Top Fade Out - John Slade
Let’s Get Hairy - Ron Davis
Let’s Get Hairy - Rich Fingerland aka Bob Adams
Let’s Get Hairy - Black Magic
Let’s Get Hairy - Harry Munroe
Let’s Get Hairy - Cheswick
Shawn Takes a Shot in the Dark - Doughnut Holschtein
You Can’t Handle This Episode - Ghee Buttersnaps AKA The Heater
A Very Juliet Episode - The Vault of Secrets
Think Tank - Clementine Woollysocks
The Head, The Tail, The Whole Damn Episode - Guts
The Head, The Tail, The Whole Damn Episode - Ol’ Ironside
The Head, The Tail, The Whole Damn Episode - Old Iron Stomach
The Head, The Tail, The Whole Damn Episode - Tin Tummy
Mr. Yin Presents - Gustice
Romeo and Juliet and Juliet - Johnathan Jacob “Jingly” Schmidt
Feet Don’t Kill Me Now - Santonio Holmes
Feet Don’t Kill Me Now - Deon Richmond
Not Even Close… Encounters - Gurton Buster
Chivalry Is Not Dead… But Someone Is - Chaz Bono
Shawn and Gus in Drag (Racing) - Chocolate Einstein
Shawn and Gus in Drag (Racing) - MC Clap Yo Handz
Shawn and Gus in Drag (Racing) - Road Rash
Shawn and Gus in Drag (Racing) - Mellowrush
Shawn and Gus in Drag (Racing) - Miss Whittlebury
Shawn and Gus in Drag (Racing) - Crankshaft
Shawn and Gus in Drag (Racing) - G-Force
Shawn and Gus in Drag (Racing) - Sher-Black-Lock
Viagra Falls - Control Alt Delete
Viagra Falls - Imhotep or He Cometh in Peace
Extradition II: The Actual Extradition Part - Yasmine Bleeth
Dual Spires - Lodge Blackman
We’d Like to Thank the Academy - Mission Figgs
Dead Bear Walking - RadioStar
Dead Bear Walking - Gusjay Gupta
Dead Bear Walking - Original G-String AKA Crowd Pleasa
The Amazing Psych-Man & Tap-Man, Issue 2 - Watson Williams
Shawn, Interrupted - Suggs
Indiana Shawn and the Temple of the Kinda Crappy, Rusty Old Dagger - Brutal Hustler
Heeeeere’s Lassie - Fellatio Del Toro
Santabarbaratown - Sh'Dynasty
Santabarbaratown 2 - Gurn Blanston
Juliet Takes a Luvvah - Immaculate Conception
100 Clues - Domo Arigato
Right Turn or Left for Dead- Yarnis Gustafson
Juliet Wears the Pantsuit - Blue Ivy Carter
Santa Barbarian Candidate - Bill Ofrights
Dead Air - Vijay Armitraj
Dead Air - Django Unchained
No Trout About It - Burton Trout
No Trout About It - Bad News Marvin Barnes
Psych: The Musical - Lil’ Wayne
S.E.I.Z.E. the Day - Trending Ontwitter
Remake A.K.A. Cloudy… With a Chance of Improvement - Robert “Booooooooooob” Jones

In the Season 8 episode Cog Blocked Gus took the lead and came up with some names for himself. Here’s the list of names he told the waitress at the Buena Vista Lounge:

Dr. Alan Champion
Angela Bennett
Jack Devlin
Jason Bourne
Jack Bauer
Tony Stark
Billy Elliott
Ferris Bueller
Edward Scissorhands
Hans Solo
Hans Landa
Han-Na Montana
Mr. Popper
Mr. Bee
Mr. Ripley
Mr. Deeds
Mr. Pink
Mr. White
Mr. Brown
Mr. Blonde
Mr. T
Dr. T
Dr. Jekyll
Dr. Phibes
Dr. Evil
Dr. Horrible
Dr. Dolittle

Repetitive Nicknames

Although originally appearing in Spellingg Bee, Gus has frequently been referred to having a SuperSniffer. Other such episodes are Shawn (and Gus) of the Dead, Earth, Wind, and… Wait for It, and Shawn and Gus in Drag (Racing). Shawn has referred to Gus as Magic Head in different episodes such as Shawn vs. The Red Phantom and Meat Is Murder, But Murder Is Also Murder.

On several occasions Gus’ name gets misspelled or mispronounced such as in Shawn (and Gus) of the Dead, and Not Even Close… Encounters.

—  List of Gus’ Nicknames [’_Nicknames]
Kimi ni Todoke Chapter 121 Translation

Hey my fellow Kimi ni Todoke fans!

I’m so sorry for the long wait on this translation! Thank you for your patience!

Before we get started, let me put my usual disclaimer out there. I can read Japanese and I study the language in my free time, but I’m not even remotely close to fluent. I sometimes encounter sentence structures / grammar concepts that are beyond my level of comprehension, and I do my best to figure things out with the help of my dictionary and the internet. With this in mind, just know that I do occasionally make mistakes and misinterpret things; I’m not trying to pass this or my other translations off as the work of an experienced or professional translator. I love translating, and the main reason I do it is so that those of you who adore Kimi ni Todoke but can’t read or understand Japanese can follow what’s happening in the latest chapters. I don’t think it would be fair if only those of us who understand Japanese got to keep in the loop, especially when official English translations are so far behind! So even though some things might be wrong, I’d still like to share what I was able to gather from the chapter with you! :)

Without spoiling anything…my Sawako x Kazehaya shipper friends out there, the next couple of weeks are going to be very hard for you. This chapter ends on a cliffhanger, but stay strong! October 13th will be here before you know it!

Now before we jump to the first page of this super cute chapter, I want to encourage everyone to buy Bessatsu Margaret (if you’re financially able to). I know it’s a lot easier (and a little cheaper) to read scans online, but if you’re a fan of Kimi ni Todoke / shoujo manga, you will absolutely love this magazine. The images are large so you can see a lot of detail, and the original printings of these last few chapters will be a very special addition to your collection of Kimi ni Todoke books and merchandise. Plus it supports the author, Karuho Shiina; living outside Japan, it’s not as easy to send encouraging messages, but buying the magazines that feature her work is a great way to offer her support and show our appreciation. Again, only if you have the money and are interested in purchasing - I’m not trying to push or guilt anyone, just spreading the word that the magazine is a really fun thing to own and collect!

Okay, now that that’s done, let’s go help Kazehaya move into his new apartment!

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What If? Sims OC Tag

Chosen OC: Billy Holland

I was tagged by @eslanes and @wanderlust-sims I heart y’all ;-; 

I tag: @wallflower-sims, @oatspice, @fluhs, @pansimblr@theartofqueenie, @wanderlust-sims, @bananahut, @essiesims, @femmesim@sandy-sims, @nicotinc & yeah, that’s it. 

If you did this tag already, please do it again!! :DD Now buckle up kiddos, there’s possible spoilers ahead. 


1. What is your character’s favorite memory?: Billy isn’t very fond of            memories. She’s constantly trying to block out her past–whether it be two years ago or two seconds ago.  

2. Who and what would your character give their life for?: Her sister, hands down. Billy only lives for others–she often disregards the body she resides in, wanting more to take on the lives of the people she loves. 

3. What is your character’s greatest fear? Becoming lost within her own mind, allowing the skeleton’s in her closet to plague her completely. Ah, and having others pity her–she hates that shit.

4. What is your character’s proudest accomplishment?: Whenever Billy can make a friend out of a stranger. She tries her hardest to seem “stand-offish” and “cool,” but she’s not. She just wants someone that’ll stick around, y’know? And when they do, her cold, hard, and calloused exterior gets a bit warmer. 

5. What is your character’s #1 insecurity?: Billy hates crying. Even if she’s alone–she still despises it. To her, it’s a sign of weakness. 

6. What will/can break your character completely?: HOOO boy. Billy is constantly on edge. Honestly, anything remotely off in her life has the power to break her. But more than anything, if Leona were to die. She’d shit every and all bricks. 

7. What would your character make a scene in public about?: Billy’s temper is pretty horrid. Like, even if someone made a ‘yo mama’ joke, she’d just lose it. You can’t really take her anywhere without expecting a scene. 

8. What can drive your character to do criminal acts?: I’m laughing. Billy is ultimately a product of her environment–which is very, very bad. Most of her actions are criminal, and are usually for the sake of survival. 

9. What Pet (mythical or not) would your character want to have?: Billy would want a doggo, for sure! Animals make her genuinely happy–too bad ea hasn’t made any yet tho. :// shakes my fist in frustration 

10. What is the cutest thing your character has ever done?: Sometimes, if Billy needs to be alone, she likes to go out to the beach, and sit up on the dunes. She’ll sing “it’s my party” by Leslie Gore until she falls asleep. She wakes up with sand in her mouth every time. 

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Silence Is Gold

Originally posted by thedailyquibbler

Fandom: Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them

Characters: Queenie Goldstein

Pairing: Reader X Queenie Goldstein

Notes/Warnings: Some pure unabashed fluff for my queen. Though I am indeed very sorry for Jacob, but this plotbunny just wouldn’t leave me alone.

Word count: 1,169

Imagine: Imagine Queenie Goldstein meeting you, an occlumens, and being intrigued by the fact that she cannot read your mind.

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anonymous asked:

Parksborn prompt: Spiderman rescuing Harry from an attempted rape/assault whatever, while they're flying through New York on spideys web Peter lets it slip he's Spiderman.

{so, um. this isn’t exactly what you asked for. awk. but there is cute fluffiness and lots of love so yeah. i hope you enjoy!}

Warnings: armed robbery, and lots of miscommunication

Harry had known for a while that Peter was Spider-Man. Peter was careful about keeping his secrets, and he rarely spoke of things that weren’t lighthearted and sweet when around Harry. Harry had enough going on, with the company and his life, that it took more than a year of them being best friends for Harry to notice.

There had always been signs, of course.

{read the rest under the read more}

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anonymous asked:

Reminds me of you: anais-ninja-blog(.)tumblr(.)com/post/159408805352/mathylibrarian-thassalia-vintar-katschy

Lol! No, I am terrified of snakes! 

I mean, as an Australian I think it’s evolutionarily advantageous to be terrified of snakes. Most of them will absolutely kill you. Like, even with pythons I’m like “Okay, no rationally I know that’s a python, and rationally I know it’s not going to  kill me, but meanwhile I’ll be running as fast as I can in the other direction because SNAKE!!!!!” 

Let me share with you my most terrifying snake story. And it’s only one I heard about, not even experiences (I still have childhood trauma resulting from a close encounter with a brown snake when I was about 9, and way too many snake personal snake stories though…) 

Okay, so I work as a police dispatcher. That means we sometimes get odd calls because we’re the go-to people when you just don’t know who the hell else to call. We get snake calls quite a lot. 

One night, past midnight, I get a call from a man who says can I help him contact a snake catcher? Sure, I say, what sort of snake have you got, do you think? 

And he says, well I haven’t really had a good look. I was in the bathroom, and I heard a knocking sound. I turned the light on, and the toilet seat was down and it was rattling. I lifted it up, there was a snake trying to slither out. 

And that’s how I learned that snakes can come up through the pipes into your house. 

And that’s why I’ve never gone to the toilet in the dark again. 

(Also, one time, I took a call about someone whose ceiling had collapsed because the python living up there had gotten so fat eating possums and rats that he just fell straight through,) 

Good luck sleeping tonight, everyone. 

im having a good time