not drunk tonight

Tonight got weird.

(I won’t go into much detail, which I know is unlike me, but I will partially describe in the tags, which is very much like me.)

It occurs to me that the reason Todoroki is so chill about Bakugou throwing giant fits is because he’s already faced worse at home and he knows what bluster vs. an actual threat looks like

You live in a universe where people survive off of alcohol instead of water, living drunk 24/7. Tonight, in a recent scientific discovery, you drink “Water” and get sober.

more texts for you bitches

ANGSTY TEXTS, BITCH

[text] You should have told me you wanted me out of your life.
[text] I should have never let you back into my life.
[text] Okay [muse’s name] what’s the deal, pretty sure this is you…listen if you want me to leave you alone, please just tell that.
[text] Please don’t walk away.
[text] Please don’t do this.
[text] When are you going to realize I want nothing to do with you?
[text] You want nothing to do with me, I get it.
[text] I’m an idiot. You fooled me again.
[text] When I think things are about to change … I’m always proven wrong.
[text] I just want you to be happy. And you’ll be happier without me.
[text] I just hate that someone could make me trust [him/her/them] the way that I did
[text] The truth is I’m not over you.
[text] The truth is I never really wanted to be with you.
[text] I’m seeing someone else.
[text] How the hell did you get my number, stalker?
[text] You’re so selfish.
[text] I just saw you leave with [her/him/them].
[text] FUCK YOU AND YOUR DUMB CUTE FACE

LOVING TEXTS, BITCH

[text] Did I tell you today that you’re the most adorable? Cause, yeah.
[text] Be careful.
[text] I’m only saying it because I love you.
[text] I’m only saying it because I care about you.
[text] Okay, I’m bringing coffee.
[text] I’m thinking dinner and a movie later this week?
[text] Let me take you out, please?
[text] Let me make you dinner tonight.
[text] I want you to be happy.
[text] You’re always safe with me.
[text] I can’t stop thinking about you.
[text] I seriously don’t know what I’d do without you.
[text] I know you may not feel like you are, but you are loved. And important. Please don’t forget that.
[text] It was so good seeing you.
[text] You don’t need this shit.
[text] I’ll be there in five minutes.
[text] Let me help, please?
[text] You’re important to me.
[text] Stop falling asleep in the bathtub. You’re going to drown and die and leave me and I’m not having that.
[text] I would gladly watch Netflix and eat Thai with you any day.
[text] I’d give up my phone charger AND the last piece of gum for you. That’s love.
[text] Hey beautiful no judgment but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??

ANGRY TEXTS, BITCH

[text] If you don’t want me to bust your window, I suggest you answer the phone. Now.
[text] To quote Mean Girls, you’re a fugly slut.
[text] Are you SERIOUSLY bringing that up right now!?
[text] Lose my number, asshole.
[text] You’re so predictable and obnoxious. And it’s not only me who thinks so.
[text] …The least you could do is answer, wtf.
[text] You’re a piece of shit human being and an even worse friend.
[text] This is YOUR FAULT. And you can’t even pretend like it isn’t, because you know it is.
[text] Why couldn’t you just stay out of it?
[text] Holy fucking shit, take a hint, asshole.
[text] Go fuck yourself.
[text] What the fucking hell is wrong with you?
[text] You can take your stuff back as long as I don’t light it on fire first.
[text] I have cramps and a migraine so you do NOT want to mess with me right now
[text] Bye and have a very fuck you day

SEXY TEXTS, BITCH

[text] Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
[text] Why are you so hot…like honestly, it’s not fair.
[text] Yeah, you looked good in your [dress/shirt/pants] last night but really, they looked way better on my floor.
[text] Come over. With condoms.
[text] You should come over, clothing optional.
[text] I feel like a nasty slut and I LOVE IT
[text] Sorry I got drunk and texted you about my sex life
[text] Sex on a rooftop - trashy or adventurous?
[text] If you’re not at my apartment, shirtless, in five minutes, I will be personally offended.
[text] I don’t think he likes that I’m always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
[text] It’ll be like The Notebook, except with way more of my penis.
[text] I didn’t know that all of his brothers would be hot and musically inclined, too. That’s a dick move on behalf of biology.
[text] I DON’T WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
[text] So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
[text] I just need some of your time and all of your body.
[text] I am available for nakedness
[text] I think about [him/her/them] when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love

DRUNK TEXTS, BITCH

[drunk text] So wat are you really over me no w
[drunk text] AND I UNFOLLOWED YOU ON INSTAGRAM TOO, BITCH
[drunk text] You are my queen and my savior and I love you forever
[drunk text] You are the most beautiful girl I have ever known
[drunk text] I’m eating macaroni and cheese on a slice of pizza and autocorrect just wrote that text for me pretty much, what’s your night like
[drunk text] Listen up slut, you’re one hot piece of ass and if [he/she/they] doesn’t realize it, it’s their loss
[drunk text] but what’s the point of a Disney sing off party if you’re not here. You have to be be the Pumbaa to my Timon
[drunk text] Can you pls remind me tomorrow of how much of a fool I made myself tonight
[drunk text] FUCK YOU YOU’RE GORGEOUS
[drunk text] I think maybe you and me should like go out and eat pizza or something check yes or no
[drunk text] Please don’t hate me I’m too tired and too dizzy to be hated
[drunk text] I hate (him/her) but less when I’m drinking. Thanks, alcohol.
[drunk text] Omf g you need to get over here now I think I’m dyin
[drunk text] SWEEEEEEEET CAROLINE

The Most “Moon” Things My Friends Have Ever Said

Thought this would be pretty fun & silly lol

Aries moon: I want to stop playing. Not because I’m losing, but because this game is fucking dumb”.

Taurus moon: I’m just looking to get wine-mom drunk tonight.”

Gemini moon: “Sometimes I stay up really late and enter random chat rooms for fun. They tell me their fetishes and everything…”

Cancer moon: “I feel like I really care about everyone but no one cares about me.”

Leo moon: “I skipped class because they don’t deserve my presence.”

Virgo moon: “Yeah, it’s that modern art shit that’s just a potato chip crumb on a plate. Genius.”

Libra moon: “There’s no hot people at this party, what’s the point?”

Scorpio moon: “Crime shows bore me, I always know who did it within like 5 minutes.”

Sagittarius moon: “I dropped 2 tabs of acid yesterday and became the best artist of all time.”

Capricorn moon: “Fuck you, I could beat Gordon Ramsay in a cook-off any day.”

Aquarius moon: “The state of our country right now…no actually, the state of our WORLD right now terrifies me.”

Pisces moon: “I don’t care that it’s just a game, you can’t leave those dogs in such small cages like that!”

-Admin L

Watch on thefederalistfreestyle.tumblr.com

Lin-Manuel Miranda Leaves the Best Drunk Voicemail in ‘Drunk History’ Deleted Scene (ET) [x x]:

Have you ever imagined what a drunken voicemail from Lin-Manuel Miranda would sound like? No. Just me?! OK, well, we have thought about it over here at ET and luckily, Drunk History gives us a taste of what that would be like in a deleted scene from season four.

In the clip, the Hamilton creator brings his rap game to the Comedy Central series when he calls musical director Alex Lacamoire. “Lock up your horses and daughters, I’m getting f**ked up on the couch with [creator] Derek Waters,” Miranda raps in a bleep-heavy freestyle.

[…]

In addition to this deleted scene, there are more outtakes and extended drunk narrator moments on the home release of Drunk History: Season 4, which is available on DVD March 14.

Body Heat

Request: Can you write a Sirius Black x Reader but the reader is James’ sister and Sirius tries to flirt with the reader and James is all like are you flirting with my sister and Sirius fires back or something?
Warning(s): Bar scenes, drinking, swearing, intense hugging(?), major Sirius feels. Honestly, just look at the title.
Note: This is my first Marauders’ imagine, so feedback is appreciated.

⇢  A Sirius Black x Reader work where the reader is James’ younger twin sister.


Most brothers preferred to keep their social life separate from their siblings’. James Potter was no exception. Which is why, when Lily and Marlene urged you to meet the Marauders at the bar with them, you fervently declined.

“A bar? Filled to the brim with drunkards? James would never let me out of his sight,” you argued, moving away as Marlene approached you with a tube of lipstick. “I’m not going.”

She crossed her arms, her lower lip jutting out. “Please, Y/N.” Marlene gestured at your attire: Black hot pants and a long sleeved crop top. “You’re already dressed for it.”

You glared down at your outfit, tugging at the hem of your shorts. “I didn’t know you guys chose clothes for me to wear to a bar.”

“What did you think? Your arse is hanging out for tea with the Minister of Magic?”

Lily gave Marlene a warning look as you flushed a bright red. “Don’t listen to her, Y/N. Your arse is not hanging out.” She paused, giving you a once over. “Well…You’ll blend in, at least.”

You groaned, pinching the bridge of your nose. “James is going to kill me.”

“So what?” Marlene interjected. “He’s your brother, not your dad. Who cares what he thinks?”

I do; he’s my brother.”

A slight snort came out from Lily. “Marlene is right. You’re your own woman. You shouldn’t let the opinion of that arrogant toerag dictate your decisions.”

You and Marlene exchange glances. It was quite obvious that, over the years, James’ crush was becoming less unrequited. And although it was disturbing at first, you quickly accepted the idea that one of your best friends fancied your brother.

“You mean that arrogant toerag you so happen to like?” you said, raising an eyebrow. 

Lily raised hers back defiantly. “I don’t like James Potter.”

“Yeah, right,” Marlene scoffed. “That’s like saying Y/N doesn’t have the hots Sirius Black.”

You frowned, ignoring the slight amount of heat rising to your cheeks. “But I don’t.”

Now it was Lily and Marlene who gave each other incredulous looks. It was clear neither of them believed your poorly concealed lie. They knew, no matter how much you denied it, that you had developed a crush on Sirius the moment he gave you a bundle of white flowers for Christmas. Just the thought of his hand brushing against your cheek as he tucked a single flower behind your ear made your butterflies come alive.

“Let’s pretend, for now, that we believe you.” Marlene checked the time. “But in this moment, I hear the firewhisky calling my name. Are you coming?”

“Sirius will be there,” Lily sang.

You threw your head back defeat. “Fine.” You paused. “But not because I want to see Sirius.”

Keep reading

Picture from this post, because I didn’t want to scrawl out Louis and Nick thoughts all over someone else’s post. (Tomlinshaw, 2,100 words)

BUT ANYWAY, imagine a world where Nick is a friend of Harry’s from work who Harry’s adopted (and Nick’s adopted back, because that’s how they work), and for two years now, Louis has poked and prodded at Nick because he secretly fancies him but won’t ever, ever, ever admit it. He won’t admit it to Harry, who is his best friend, or Niall who is his flatmate, or Liam who’s his best mate from work. He definitely won’t admit it to Nick, which is fine because Nick has been in love with Louis for about eighteen months now, and it’s fucking up all of his attempts to fall in love with anyone else, and he refuses to acknowledge even to himself that he even likes him. Their friends sometimes find their constant bickering amusing, but most of the time they try to keep them apart because there’s a fairly good chance one of them will murder the other. 

So they’ll have Sunday roasts all together, or barbecues round at one of their places, or stupid afternoons in with beers and nachos, and despite all of their best efforts, Nick and Louis will end up arguing over something, bickering over something innocuous, playing devil’s advocate just for the sake of arguing. The others despair of them. They’ve even started having whispered conversations about trying not to invite them to the same place at the same time. 

But, like, sometimes, just sometimes, Nick will see Louis looking a little vulnerable, or quiet, and he’ll do something like make a round of teas so that he can give Louis one without him being suspicious. Or Louis will remember that Nick can’t eat that much cheese so he’ll demand a plate of chili nachos and be super mouthy about it so that it pisses everyone else off, but Nick will get to pick off that plate without making a fuss. 

Keep reading

"hamilton" summarised

act 1

alexander hamilton: HELLO YES HI THIS MUSICAL IS ALL ABOUT ME I AM THE STAR I AM WONDERFUL LOOK AT ALL THE COOL STUFF I DID WOW GO ME

aaron burr, sir: you’re an orphan? nice lets go mURDER THE GOVERNMENT (ft. drunk squad™)

my shot: im PAst patiently waitin im PASSionately SMAshin every expecTATion every ACTion’s an ACT of crEATion

the story of tonight: more drunk cuties

the schuyler sisters: FEMINISM GIRL POWER F U C K THE PATRIARCHY (ft. peggy bein a lil bitch)

farmer refuted: Sassy Ham™ (ft. dONT MODULATE THE KEY THEN NOT DEBATE WITH M E)

you’ll be back: king george iii is a psycho

right hand man: I HAVE THREE FRIENDS PICK ME

a winter’s ball: salty + creepy burr (ft. LAAAAaaaAaAaaaADIES)

helpless: ELIZA IS A PRECIOUS PURE CINNAMON ROLL D O N ’ T T O U C H H E R

satisfied: did somebody say bitter (ft. goosebumps)

the story of tonight (reprise): drunk and gay (reprise)

wait for it: burr has secrets™

stay alive: FUCK OFF CHARLES LEE

ten duel commandments: oKAY so we’re doing this

meet me inside: ham fucks up™

that would be enough: THE CINNAMON ROLL IS BACK AND SHE’S PREGNANT HAM COULD U N O T

guns and ships: lAFAYETTE

history has its eyes on you: gwash has Feelings™

yorktown (the world turned upside down): that one line @ trump tbh, HERCULES MULLIGAN

what comes next: oh no king george is just hella salty

dear theodosia: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

non-stop: HISTORY HAS ITSwhy do you assume you’re the smartest in the room why do you assume you’re the smartest in theNON-STOPhe will never be satisfiedISN’T THIS ENOUGHsatisfiedWHAT WOULD BE ENOUGH

act 2

what’d i miss: tjeffs is back from being a hoe in paris and he’s getting down to Business™ 😎

cabinet battle #1: FUCKN FIGHT ME ILL TAKE ANYONE — alexander hamilton, probably

take a break: spoiler! he doesn’t take a break (ft. UN DEUX TROIS QUATRE CINQQQQQQQQ)

say no to this: oh jesus what is that two letter word starting with n, ending with o, it has escaped my vocabulary completely

the room where it happens: so apparently aaron burr is Salt Personified™

schuyler defeated: bros don’t take other bros’ father in law’s senate seat wtf

cabinet battle #2: if u tie ur hair into a ponytail, u are a completely different person: confirmed

washington on your side: salty burr, jeffersalt, madisalt: the salthern motherfucking democratic republicans™

one last time: washington’s gone, thanks a lot jefferson

i know him: no it turns out that king george iii is actually a fCKN PSYCHOPATH

the adams admininistration: Great Googly Moogly, It’s All Gone To Shit™ (ft. sIT DOWN JOHN YOU FAT MOTHERFUCKER)

we know: so burr’s shady as fuck

hurricane: hoe don’t do it (spoiler! he does it)

the reynolds pamphlet: how to fuck up your own life for no good reason — by alexander hamilton

burn: CINNAMON ROLL IS UPSET AND IT BREA K S Y O U

blow us all away: HE DIDNT MEAN LITERALLY ??¿ (ft. philip organising a threesome)

stay alive (reprise): count to ten in french after this without crying, i dare you

it’s quiet uptown: YOU KILLED YOUR S O N WHAT THE FUCK ALEXANDER CHILL

the election of 1800: alex likes causing drama. what a surprise(!)

your obedient servant: i have never talked shit about you. BUT IF I EVER DID here is a list of everything i said about you and when, it’s 30 years long, take your pick (ft. S A L T )

best of wives and best of women: he doesn’t go back to sleep

the world was wide enough: you done fucked up a-a-ron

who lives, who dies, who tells your story: eliza schuyler hamilton is an angelic cinnamon roll and the world does not deserve her, she singlehandedly made sure her idiot husband made history and she deserves more credit than she is given honestly (ft. your ugly crying)

Types of Drunks
  • *Check Jupiter, or 11th House
  • Aries: The Frat Boy-Type. Kinda always trying to bone someone before the end of the night. Pounded like, 20 beers. Probably wakes up with someone they thought was hotter/prettier when drunk.
  • Taurus: Ditzy-Drunk Type. Girl who constantly compliments you and leans on your boyfriends shoulder and basically flirt w/ everyone and asks shit like "What's Aleppo?"
  • Gemini: Toilet-Hugger. You don't *usually* get drunk, but tonight you did. At first you were socializing, and somehow, you ended up hunched over the toilet puking. You havent left. Your bestfriend almost puked in your hair. One time, she did.
  • Cancer: Expresso Depresso. "No, I don't always drink when I'm sad." You kinda just came to the party to "escape". You don't want to be here, and in every movie EVER, you find some goth bitch to complain about existence with. That, or you're in a bar wanting to die cause your wife left you. Your choice, i guess.
  • Leo: Game Maker. You're the asshole who suggests 7 Minutes in Heaven, Truth or Dare, and other shitty games at middle school parties where someone found some Mike's Hard Lemonade. You still get drunk off of the shit, too. Somehow.
  • Virgo: Socialite. You don't really get drunk. You just get buzzed, and go home. You talk to everyone and anyone, and get as many numbers as possible. You're quite the hook up when it comes to some drugs at a party, though.
  • Libra: Hoe. You're the girl who compliments everyone and smiles at everything. You also basically wanna suck someone's dick before the night ends. Who's? Idk.
  • Scorpio: Dirty Dancer. Someone complained about there "being too many clothed people" at the party. So, you took your clothes off, threw them at the person, and began dancing. Truly a Titty Hero.
  • Sagittarius: Drunk "Driver". You're the guy who suggests they go on an adventure, or brought tons of booze to do some really illegal shit. As a kid, you literally drank just because "if we're doing something illegal, may as well do two!!"
  • Capricorn: Bartender. Nobody really appointed you bartender. Nobody really asked, either. But, nobody is complaining. You make the best booze, and the more YOU drink, the funnier, quicker, and cuter the drinks are made. By the end of the night, the drink counter looks a bit like a Scorpio's room -- clothes all over the floor in order to mop some mysterious liquid up.
  • Aquarius: Royal Rebel. Drink the keg. Bring the big ass case of booze. Make some kid puke. And then do it again. Dare devil galore, and kind of an asshole about it. That, or stays in the corner like they may make the party into a murder scene. One or the other.
  • Pisces: Just like Taurus, but also drinks twice her weight and probably asks "Where's the weeeeeeEEEeeedd???" 20 times.

my manic shadow self, being impulsive and self-destructive, needlessly wreaking havoc, and masturbating every 0.02 seconds: lmao tight

me, watching with binoculars, drinking straight bourbon from an antique teacup: you fucking Trainwreck™,,, whomst told you this was okay