not breaking my heart

Please Don’t Go.

I wanted to write a fic of how I think it might play out tonight, or you know, how I wished for it to happen in my mind. Because I’m Bellarke trash :P Anyway ignore my bad explanation and enjoy!!

“I’m going to stay behind.”

For a moment Bellamy couldn’t think, it felt as though his heart had dropped to his stomach, completely speechless. He should have expected her to do this, he should have noticed from the quizzical look on her face when Raven was talking that she’d stay behind. Bellamy wasn’t alone, everyone elses expression was blank except Echo and Emori who weren’t really bothered by Clarke’s decision. Clarke had informed them all but her eyes were piercing into Bellamy’s she knew what he’d say, she knew him better than he knew himself at this point.

“No.” Bellamy managed, his throat tight but the words came out stern, the others eyes darting from Clarke to him. “You’ll die, Clarke. You’re not staying.”

“Someone has to go out there and remotely turn on the launch pad, you are my people and seem as Kane isn’t here to make the sacrifice, I am.” Clarke spoke as though she’d planned her argument in her head.

Our people, Clarke. We lead them together, not alone.” Bellamy finally moved, taking a step closer trying to seem intimidating, doing his best to keep him safe, just like he’d promised Abby. “You’re getting in that rocket with us, Clarke.”

Clarke shook her head, she strode over to were they’d hung up the suits, they only had ninety minutes and she didn’t have time for arguing. Raven came forward this time, stepping in Clarke’s way of the suits. “Raven, move.”

“You’ve done a lot to save your people, Clarke. But I don’t think killing yourself is a good idea, you might have nightblood but as far as we know it’s useless against the radiation.” Raven reasoned, she held her helmet in her her hands, she’d been practicing her plan in the rocket until she heard Clarke’s declaration.

“Raven you won’t leave this planet on time if I don’t, it’s what has to be done.” Clarke sighed, moving around Raven and snatching up her suit, sparing Raven a glance. Raven didn’t continue to fight, she knew she couldn’t shake Clarke.

“If you’re really doing this then we need to talk,” Bellamy’s low voice echoed throughout the lab but when she turned to look at him, the suit clamped in her hands. Bellamy’s eyes wouldn’t meet hers, focused on the floor. Clarke knew she was hurting him, she knew her decision could end horribly for her, she’d never see her mum again, her friends…she’d never see Bellamy again. “We can talk upstairs.”

Clarke mustered a reply and followed Bellamy’s lead when he headed towards the stairs, she was preparing herself for a lecture of how she was risking her life and how there was another way. Because they always found another way. Except this time they didn’t have time for a second plan.

Clarke closed the bedroom door softly, turning only to see a blur of Bellamy’s blue shirt before her face was buried in Bellamy’s chest, his arms weaving around her like she was something precious, keeping her close to his heartbeat. Clarke didn’t hesitate to hold him back, startled at first, Bellamy never initiated contact and the fact that he was meant it was serious. They remained enveloped in one another for a couple of minutes, they didn’t want to let go. Especially not knowing this could be the last hug they have for five years. Bellamy eventually released her, his eyes instantly boring into hers.

“I don’t want you to go.” His words were simple, but she could see the pain in his eyes as he let out the words. Clarke bowed her head, she hated being the one that caused that pain.

“I know.”

“I promised your mum that I wouldn’t let anything happen to you, that I’d take care of you.” Bellamy sighed, his hand quietly brushing back a strand of Clarke’s blonde hair which had fallen out of it’s plait. Clarke caught his hand before he could drop it back to his side, his eyes flickered to their joined hands for a moment, his thumb smoothing the back of her soft, pale skin before meeting her eyes once more.

“I promised to take care of you too, I promised Octavia that I’d do everything in my power to keep you safe and that’s what I’m doing, Bellamy, I’m keeping you safe.” By this point tears had welled in Clarke’s eyes, threatening to spill down her cheeks. Bellamy’s heart broke at the sight, his grip on her hand tightening.

“Then I’ll stay behind too, you can’t do this alone, Clarke.”

Clarke turned away as a tear fell, letting out a choked sob before shaking her head once more. “No, Bellamy. You can’t.” Her words barely making sense now. “I at least have a chance at surviving, you’ll die and I-I can’t…I won’t lose you too.”

Bellamy’s free hand swiped her tears away, his own approaching. “I won’t let you do this.”

“You don’t have a choice, if you don’t let me go Bellamy, our friends will die. I know you don’t want to let me do this, I know it’s hurting you, god, it’s hurting me Bellamy, do you think I want to leave you? But they’re our people and we can’t let them die.” Clarke breathed, her words continuously getting caught in her throat but she knew Bellamy understood. The look that had crossed his expression had told her that she’d won him over, but she couldn’t miss the water brimming in his eyes. The way he could no longer meet her gaze, she could practically hear his heart break.

Bellamy sucked in a breath, “I love you.” His words were steady, he wanted her to know and he didn’t want it to be a sad, shaky confession. He wanted her know that he loved her, that he was proud of her. His words pushed Clarke over the edge, tears pouring from her eyes, her nose starting to run but she let out a happy laugh mid sobs.

“God, I love you too.” She managed, pushing herself on her toes taking a moment to trace Bellamy’s features before squeezing her eyes shut, forcing her sobs to stop whilst she just took this moment to kiss him. Bellamy didn’t care about her soaked cheeks and the fact that she was holding back a cry. He returned the kiss gladly before breaking away and sliding her hand back into his. “I-It’s time.” 

“We will meet again, Clarke.”

A small smile tugged at the corners of Clarke’s lips as she nodded, “We always do.”