*** I only used some parts of the song so that I could try an make it as close to Juice as possible and keep it as realistic as possible. I can’t really see Juice being unfaithful and cheating on someone that he finally had to love him and call his own, unless he was in a reeeeally bad spot, so I’m setting this in season 7 where he’s just a mess. Completely distraught and out of his element, essentially out of his character. Worried about losing everything and without realizing it, ruining whatever little he still had. Hope you guys like it. ***
(Warning for cheating, mention of attempted suicide and just sadness in general because BITCH 😫💔 )
Juice ran his hand over his head as another sob broke from your chest. He’d been sitting with his back to the bathroom door for 30 minutes now, listening to you weep. You’d been through a lot in life, just as everyone had. You had experienced pain and betrayal, but you had never expected it from Juice. You had always been given his love and adoration, and given the same in return. You loved him and took care of him. Gave him a home and a good woman to come home to. You supported him and his club, was always there when you needed him. You had expected his tenderness, not his infidelity. Life had a funny way of doing things though and apparently, some other woman had given him something more than you had and got him to stray.
I wish we could just pretend to be
Like we always were before, as happy as the Kennedy’s
No one told Jackie about Marilyn’s tendencies
You had found out that she wasn’t a Croweater, she was just a girl that lived in town and had shopped at his dispensary. She wasn’t a sweet butt that was just being there for a Son, no intentions of hurting you. She was a girl that had gotten with your man because she wanted him and apparently he had wanted her too. You weren’t sure what hurt more. You had your suspicions, his calls coming less frequently, his time at home getting smaller. The thought had been at the back of your mind for weeks, eating at you and ripping apart your heart a little more each day. But you tried to ignore it. To push back the thought of not being enough for the man you loved. You had been with Juice for years, since Queens. Married at 18, not counting the days of how long you’d been together. It felt like you had spent your whole life with him and you found it hard to remember a life before him, without him. You didn’t want to believe that all this time of your life had been in vain. That you would lose the one that meant everything to you. You couldn’t.
Ignorance is bliss when you’re married half a century
Life is too short, trying to hold it all together
You pulled your head up and looked at your reflection in the mirror. Your eyes were red and puffy, the tip of your nose pink from all your rubbing at it. You sucked in a breath and blew it out shakily. You weren’t sure what you were going to do. You didn’t want to stand for the betrayal and humiliation, you deserved better than that. However, you weren’t sure if you wanted to let this relationship go to waste. You knew you had to make a big decision and you weren’t sure if you trusted yourself to make the right one in this state of mind. Your heart was in shambles and you knew nothing good ever came from making choices like that. You needed a nights sleep before you determined what you were going to do.
I want to love you
But if it’s not right what can I do?
Everything will be alright
So baby get some sleep tonight
You wiped at your swollen eyes once more before you turned towards the door, unlocking it and pulling it open. Juice immediately turned to look at you but you simply stepped over him, walking into the bedroom and going towards the bed. He stood slowly and watched you as you climbed into bed, slipping under the covers and sitting up. He slowly walked towards you, roughly swiping at the tear in his own lashes as he sat at the foot of the bed, wanting to give you some space. He still knew he had to speak to you though. He had to try to make things right.
You didn’t say anything, just sniffled.
"Baby, please, say something. Anything.”
"What do you want me to say Juice? What is there to say?“ "I don’t know just…just say something. Yell at me or something."
You rolled your eyes, your anger finally starting to seep in.
"I don’t need to yell at you. You know you fucked up."
He nodded and looked down at his lap.
"I know. I never meant to hurt you though. I was just stressed with the club. I know I should’ve gone to you but she just, she was a breath of fresh air kinda.”
You scoffed in disgust at his words, his eyes going wide as he realized how that sounded.
"I didn’t mean it like that! I meant a breath of fresh air from the club, not you. I didn’t mean I needed a break from you, I just…“
His words trailed off and he took a deep breath to steady himself, knowing he was just going to dig himself deeper if he kept on that route. He’d kept you entirely in the dark with everything going in with Roosevelt and the club. You had no idea about him giving up info or trying to kill himself or being weak and a rat in the clubs eyes. He hadn’t wanted to bring that home to you. He never wanted to involve you in his mess and put any more weight on your shoulders. He wanted to let you continue to be happy without the added stress of what was going on with him but he was the only one hurting you now.
She said, you’re always gone.
I said, The fuck do you expect from me?
"I didn’t mean to hurt you or betray you. I wasn’t thinking. I just, I needed to just get away from everything and we kept getting in fights over how distant I became with you. You kept getting mad at me, telling me I was always gone and I got pissed because it was true. I knew I wasn’t giving you the attention you deserved. I was neglecting you and I felt like shit. I was tired of fights at the club and I was tired of fights with you. I got drunk and I fucked up. She caught me at a weak moment. She knew I was in a bad place and she gave me that opportunity to completely take my mind off of everything and I’m a fucking idiot so I took it. She kept trying and I caved."
I swear my intentions aren’t as evil as you think
But temptation’s always pushing people to the brink
Fuck, I always lose my judgment when I drink
My only wish is you would settle down and hear me out
I know I haven’t been completely honest and devout
It’s difficult for me, these girls try to seek me out
You sniffled again as you felt your eyes welling up once more. You didn’t know what you were going to do and it scared you. It scared you to think of having to think of a life that didn’t have him in it. But could you live with the nagging at the back of your mind from the betrayal? Could you live with that little voice constantly telling you that you weren’t enough and that’s why he’d actually strayed? That even with you giving him everything, giving him all of you, giving him your best, that it just wasn’t enough? That you at your best wasn’t enough?
With a shake of your head, you willed your tears back and blew out a breath, running your fingers through your hair and pushing it out of your face.
"I just need to sleep Juice. I’m really hurting right now. I don’t wanna think about this anymore."
Your voice cracked as you finished and Juice closed his eyes, hating the sheer pain in your tone.
"Can I stay here tonight? Please? Just give me tonight with you. Then tomorrow you can do whatever is best for you. We can talk tomorrow. I just don’t want you to be alone tonight. Let me try to comfort you. I never meant to hurt you."
His voice quivered as he thought about all the pain that was swimming in your eyes and he felt like he could hear that warm heart of gold you had, crumbling from what he’d done to you. You nodded softly and he crawled his way to his side of the bed, climbing beneath the covers with you, pulling you to him closely. He held your head to his chest, his other arms wrapped around you tightly, almost as if he was scared that you’d leave him in the middle of the night and if he was being honest, he was. He didn’t want to ever have to let you go. In that moment, he spilled out everything to you. Told you every single little detail, in hopes that maybe, just maybe, you would see where he had been. Maybe see what a wreck he was and even though he knew he didn’t deserve it, you would grant him another chance. Another chance to be the man that you deserved. The man that his mother had raised him to be.
You laid there quietly as he bared his soul. Listened as he told you what he had been through. He didn’t mention what he did that night in the forest, he would never hurt you even more by telling you that. He would take that to the grave, but everything else he let come to the surface and when he was done, he pulled your face up by the chin, laying the most gentle kiss you’d felt upon your lips. It was slow, drawn out as if he didn’t want to stop, because he didn’t. It felt as if time had stopped and the universe had given you a chance to feel his love. He pulled his lips from yours, the tears in your lashes glittering in the moonlight that cascaded through the curtains and onto your face, almost as if the moon herself was reaching out to soothe you. As he looked down at you, he tried to memorize every single detail of your face, just in case it was the last time he ever saw it.
So if tonight turns out to be
The last night before you peaced then walked out on me
Let’s let it all hang out like a balcony
One last time, the best is what you about to see
So make it worth it tonight, only so you know I never hurt you in spite
Love me like you never will again, it’s our last time
Tonight forget about the pastime
You cuddled into his chest, the both of you lost.
"I don’t know if I can stay Juice. I love you, but i don’t know."
He nodded in understanding, leaning to kiss the top of your head.
"I know baby. Just sleep. Tomorrow we’ll see."
You let your eyes slip closed and let Juice hold you for all that he was worth. His happiness was something long forgotten, lost in the sweep of fate from his wrong doings, but yours was still there. Weak and tattered, but there. He’d do everything he could to make sure that light in your eyes never died out.
Everything will be alright
So baby get some sleep tonight