not being able to go into a store without buying lipstick

jaspup  asked:

Hiii, first of all I wanted to say I really really really loved never gonna dance again so much, and I have a very good feeling it's one of those fics I'm going to not be able to stop thinking about for months. I have a question, though and I hope you don't mind me asking!! So, in the end it says Louis tells Harry about him being the red eyed stranger as if he had no idea so I'm wondering how Harry was leaving him messages (especially the "you are a spy" night) and not knowing about it [1/2]

[2/2] and especially bc he saw Louis and knew his name in the store and I don’t think that would’ve been while he was controlled bc those aren’t things Mikhail would’ve done, right? And I had another question about when Harry was back to his “cold distant ballet dancer Harry” mode. This Harry knew Louis as his teacher but not of their history so was he just put into sleeper mode without the trigger word said? I really hope this makes sense and you don’t mind me asking, again I loved the fic ty!!

hiii hello!!! first of all thank you for sending these asks they just made my day i love being asked things <3


OKAY SO i envisioned three different harrys whilst writing the fic:

1) real harry who has no idea of ANYTHING happening outside of ballet and being in love with louis, who has to have everything explained to him at the end.

2) cold distant ballet dancer harry who has no idea of anything outside of ballet. that’s it: he doesn’t know he’s in love with louis. outside of their trigger word and their assassin mode, these dancers have been consistently brainwashed throughout their entire lives. the trigger word is for them to turn into assassins at the blink of an eye (ie: at the performance, it was mighty lions, so they’d be triggered right in that moment and attack) but they are also brainwashed outside of attacking. so cold distant ballet dancer harry is normal harry that has been brainwashed to /forget/ that he ever loved louis. it’s terrible and fucked up but so is everything the red room represents.

3) sleeper harry who has no idea of anything outside of being an assassin. he’s the best assassin that the reinvented red room has and he’s clever and smart and to an extent, has control of himself. only to an extent. so after louis has his interview to become the dancing instructor, this sleeper harry is sent by mikhail after louis to see if he’s legitimate. not to assassinate him but to retrieve information, as the original ballerinas of the red room did, and as i said, sleeper harry is very intelligent and picked up relatively quickly that louis is not alexander sharpe and that he is a spy. and he’s fascinated even though he shouldn’t be. he’s never seen someone LIKE him in the sense that they can match him in a fight and just the ~beings of an assassin without being an assassin if that makes sense. 

but louis is so DIFFERENT from him, so good, so pure (as far as harry can see anyways) and he’s not being forced into this, not the way harry is and it’s peculiar and interesting and harry can’t help but continue to look into louis which is why he follows him to the store when louis is buying ballet shoes. sleeper harry is also a little bit of a shit and like i said, incredibly fascinated, which is why he steals louis’ shoes after telling him to be more careful (which he did as both a taunt and an actual warning: he knows what mikhail is capable of and louis is far, far too obvious. if any of the other sleepers had been sent after louis, he’d have been figured out too easily. any other sleeper would’ve reported back to mikhail immediately, reported their findings of louis being a spy. but not harry. anyways, louis doesn’t pay any heed to his warning so what does it really matter that sleeper harry, who supposedly has no emotions, cares enough to warn a spy he doesn’t even really know? ;) well) and he keeps the shoes, as a momento of this strange spy who has captured harry’s undeniable interest. 

continuing on, this sleeper harry is all too aware of louis’ spy doings but chooses to tell mikhail that alexander sharpe is a suitable teacher. there’s no promise there that alexander sharpe will be the instructor but there’s a hope inside of sleeper harry that he doesn’t understand and isn’t willing to chase after but won’t actively push away either. so sleeper harry does as mikhail says, does his assassin activities, trains his heart out, continues to be the best but in the back of his mind, always lurks spy louis. 

and again, i’ll reiterate that sleeper harry does NOT know what happens in real harry’s life but that doesn’t change that harry, whoever he is, no matter what state, will always love louis. loves louis so so deeply. and sleeper harry feels the side effects of it, feels a creeping affection for this spy for no reason that he can understand. so when sleeper harry meets louis to return his shoes, it’s because he knows that their performance is coming up and everything can only go to shit. it’s his way of saying goodbye, of getting closure of his fascination but still, he will not tell mikhail (but mikhail has figured out on his own at this point, how could he not?) and so when sleeper harry kisses louis with poisonous lipstick, it’s with so much regret and yet no choice, because as much free will as he has, he still has to take direct orders. 

furthermore, when louis finally finds where mikhail is hiding out with the sleepers, mikhail tells harry to stop sulking over poisoning a spy: because that is what sleeper harry is doing. he thinks that louis is dead and he is the reason and he hates it, hates what he’s a product of what has no choice but to deal with it and live on. he is an assassin, louis is a spy and their worlds do not overlap.

until they do.

**anyways, sorry for this essay and i hope you don’t mind that i published this publicly for others’ reference. thank you again for the asks! <3

Fights pt. 2 (Cashton/4)

Requested: yes this amazing anon did!  

Words: 1728

A/N: More of a forgiveness one. Might be confusing if you haven’t read the first part, but that’s your choice, you could probably skip the first part… ALSO I GOT A BIT CARRIED AWAY WITH ASHTON’S SORRY ABOUT THAT! 

ALSO Hair Color pt. 6 is in the works, so is pt. 2 to Paid to be Popular, for those people who care about that. I promise it will come out sooner than later. But for now, read this, enjoy it and shit :*






“Fuck of. “ Ashton chuckled, his eyes watering up.

“I’m sorry. “ You said as you closed your eyes, hoping a simple apology was enough.

“Yeah I bet. Just get out. “

“Ash, come on. “ You mumbled scared. Was he just throwing you out of the house or out of his life?

“Get out, Y/N. Please. “

And you did. You took your coat and walked outside. The sun was hanging, shining. It was wrong. It was supposed to be raining, pouring. Instead, the streets were filled with happiness – even the weather was too happy. You didn’t know what to do, so you unsteadily pulled out your phone. Your hands were shaking, dialing up the number of Calum.

“Hello, Calum’s talking. “ He answered, also excessively happy. “I can’t take the phone right now, so call back later or leave a message after the tone. “

And an annoying, high bip appeared. You wanted to throw your phone onto the ground so bad, just to watch the glass splatter. But you put it in your pocket, right where it belonged.

Then you started walking. You didn’t have a destination, you didn’t even release you were walking. But you did like a trance. People bumped into you and came with a rushed apology. But it didn’t matter if they hurt you – because you were already hurt.

How could you say those words? How could you hurt the one you loved?

You couldn’t get Ashton’s reaction out of your mind. He was smiling at you, clearly not seeing the insult coming. However, his eyes… his beautiful, green eyes filled with an ocean of tears. He didn’t yell, just talked very slowly, like he was trying to tame you, like you would attack him.

You had stopped walking. You were looking up at a store. Why did you stop here? You looked to your side, hoping that Ashton would come running down the street, begging for forgiveness. But, you knew, that this time you’d have to beg.

It hit you. You needed to buy him flowers and it was as if your unconsciousness knew that, because the store you were looking pointlessly at just happened to be a florist.

You walked in, the bell ringed. The strong smell of flowers hit your nose. They had everything in here: roses, lilies, daisies, tulips, everything. The desk was filled with flower decorations and behind it stood an elderly woman.

“What are you looking for, dear? “ She said with a calming voice, not noticing the tears on your cheek yet. She was smaller than you, walking with a bowed back. “Oh no, are you okay? Do you want anything? “

You chuckled. “I need some sort of apology. I’ve messed up. “

“Oh no. Was it your boyfriend? “

You nodded, swallowing. You just admitted something you wanted to do-over, making the tears appear again.

“Well, if you just wait here, I’ll make something for you. For free! “ She said smiling. Then she went out of your sight.

You stood on your heels, paralyzed. You wanted to look around, you wanted to smell the flowers and pick the prettiest. But you were nailed to the floor, not even moving your feet. You didn’t know how long you had been gone. It could be hours or just a few minutes. Right now, time stood still.

The lady came back with a bouquet of beautiful flowers. It was a mix of sunny colors and white colors. Sunflowers were almost hiding behind the white lilies and yellow roses sprung beside the white roses, all making it seem so happy.

“Here you go, sweetie. Get that boyfriend of yours. “ She handed you the bouquet and waved you out. But you turned around to say one last thing.

“Thank you. “You sobbed, making the woman seem worried sick. You didn’t know why the next sentence needed to be said. “People like you… there need to be more people like you. “

Then you stepped out in the sun. It was the same; people were busy, happy, living their lives. You started walking again, letting your senses guide you home. You remembered a few things; a certain poll, a red, big house and a small dog park. Then you were home, standing in front of the door.

You exhaled, knowing that you shouldn’t wait because then you would overthink it. Knocking at the door seemed ridiculous, but also like the only normal thing to do in this situation – barging in seemed wrong and hysterical. So you knocked, 1, 2, 3 times.

You heard steps walking towards the door. The door opened and showed your Ashton, the one you really would hate to lose. He blushed when he saw the flowers, making you more nervous. Your mouth went dry, but you know you had to say something. Ashton was trying to hide his smirk.

“I’m sorry. “ Ashton had been crying, without a doubt. His eyes were still slightly red, making your head redder.

“It’s okay. “ Ashton’s mumbled and went sideways so you could come inside. You walked a couple steps and he closed the door behind. You saw the donuts, untouched, on the kitchen table.

“It’s not okay. “ You exclaimed, throwing your arms out, forgetting you were holding the bouquet.

“Yes, it is. “

“Not, it’s not! “ You looked down on the happy colors of the bouquet. “You were going through a hard time and I’m supposed to be supporting, but I’m not. Instead, I’m hurting you!”

“I said hurtful things too. “ Ashton walked towards you. “It’s fine now. We’re both forgiven. “

You handed him the flowers in a rush, looking anywhere but his eyes.

“Here. It’s a sign of my apologies and my regret. “

Ashton laughed, which made you look up and see his gorgeous smile. He gladly accepted the bouquet and kissed you on the cheek.

“You’re adorable. “ You smiled foolishly when your phone rang. You picked it up as Ashton’s was finding a vase or something to soak the flowers in.

“What’s up? You called? “ Calum’s raspy voice sounded from the other end.

“It’s nothing. “ You confirmed, looking in Ashton’s direction. “I’m just hanging out with the one I love. “  


“Okay, okay, sshh…. “ Calum mumbled beside you on the floor, trying to make the tears to stop. “I love you, okay? “

He couldn’t just… That didn’t make it alright. You knew Calum loved you more than anyone did – just like he knew that he did take you for granted lately. Your brain started to hurt and you felt your whole body being weaker and weaker. So you leaned your head against the wall. Calum stopped breathing as soon as he saw your face. The mascara running, lipstick smeared and a wounded look behind the eyes.

“I love you. “ Calum whispered, making you turn your face. Calum didn’t usually cry – sometimes you were wondering if he even was able to. Still, it looked like his eyes were wet. It could have been the lightning or your blurry eyesight, but you wished that he did cry. You wished that he knew how much it hurt, every time he ignored your text or hung up on you.

“I need to sleep. “ You said, leaning up against him. Calum inhaled quickly as if he could hurt you by his breathing pattern.

“I’m sorry. “ He kept whispering, keeping you awake. “I’ll make it better, I promise. I promise. “
Then you fell into deep, calm sleep.

You almost forgot what was going on when you woke up. You lied with your head up towards the ceiling, your head still hurting from crying. You heard someone yelling and voices you couldn’t identify at the moment. You got out of bed – Calum must have carried you to the bed. You weren’t sure, but you thought it was night, since everything outside was dark and cold.

After standing up a couple minutes, you knew the voices’ owners, making it clear it was Calum, Ashton, Luke, and Michael discussing something. You could hear what, so you practically run to the living room and slammed the door open. The boys’ heads turned towards you so fast.

“Were you talking about me? “ You asked them, wiped sleep out of your eyes.

“No. “ Michael answered shortly, then sitting in the couch. Calum didn’t look at you, neither did Luke. But Ashton couldn’t stop looking you with a pity.

“Yes you did. “ You confronted. “Luke’s face is about as red as a tomato. “

Calum walked towards you and you remembered everything. The whole thing came back to you. Him getting home, him yelling, accusing, you crying, falling asleep on his shoulder. The flashback shocked you, making you take a step back in surprise, stopping Calum’s movement towards you.

“Guys, can you just get out? “ Calum asked, looking at the ground, fists clenched together.

“Yeah, sure. We’ll be in the bedroom. “ Ashton said as Michael got up with a sigh.

“Don’t do anything naughty. “ You joked and looked at Michael, making him chuckle. Calum stood there a couple meters from you, not talking.

“I’m sorry. “  He said as soon as he was sure the boys were gone. “I know, I’ve been a bad boyfriend lately and I… I just suck, huh? “

“Pretty much. “ You said, ice cold. Calum had to admit his mistakes before he could be forgiven. He knew that as well, but being a stubborn little bitch, it would be hard.

“I’m sorry. “ He said again with a gloomy gaze in his eyes.

“I get that, Calum! But why are you sorry? “ You yelled, crossing your arms, not giving in for his sad puppy-eyes.

“For taking you for granted. “ He mumbled, ashamed. It was like a teacher scolding a kid. “I won’t ever, EVER take you for granted again. I promise. “

He rushed towards your spot, pulling you close, tasting his breath. You felt yourself getting weaker in his arms, your heart racing, pounding against your chest.

“I love you. “ You whispered in his ear, before he pressed his mouth against yours. His hands running up your waist, your hands locking around his neck.

“Love you too. “ He mumbled between your lips.

request - i’ll do anything
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Questions I Still Haven’t Answered

Even Though I’m Getting Older

Do I store my onions in the fridge?

When will gladiator sandals go out of style?

Where do my hair ties go? Is there some sort of demon out there who eats only hair ties and is relatively indifferent towards my flesh?

How do I keep my glasses clean?

Where is Daisy from VH1′s Daisy of Love?

Is my grandmother’s story true of people dying from not being able to poo?

How do I keep good hair days coming, even though I literally do the same thing every day and sometimes it looks good and sometimes it looks like trash?

Who do I have to talk to to get guac for free everywhere I go?

How can I have too much money?

What is a foolproof way to flip eggs without breaking the yolk every time?

Who did I lend that book to?

Why did I care about him in the first place?

Why don’t I talk to her anymore?

What’s that code for The Sims where you get unlimited money?

How often am I supposed to wash my jeans, like really?

Where do all these articles about “all you have to do is travel on a budget blah blah you’re young it’s so easy” come from? 

Why do people still believe that love is being treated like trash?

Why can’t I buy Polar Grapefruit Seltzer everywhere?

Where is my perfect nude lipstick?

What happened at the end of the WB show Popular?

How do I manage my anxiety?

What happened to Jon Taffer’s close working relationship with Bev and Tell, a company which he mentioned often in the first few seasons of Bar Rescue and now mentions not at all?

How am I gonna make good risotto if I’m too short to see over the pot?

Why are some people so insane on the Internet?

How do some girls never have chipped nails?

Where does one buy nice, decently priced dresses?

Why do bad things happen?

Where the fuck am I going?


Chapter 98: You Owe Me

“I’m getting a divorce.”

As the sudden statement registered in her brain, Robyn swiftly turned her head in the direction of her best friend while wearing a mixture of bewilderment and shock on her face. The two women stared at one another as they walked the floors of the Chanel boutique in Soho, and both were waiting for statements to come from one another. While Robyn was awaiting a further explanation about the inevitable, Melissa was waiting for her to express her inner thoughts about it.

“Why are you so shocked?”

Robyn didn’t forget the many conversations they’ve had about the possibility but for some reason she quietly believed that Melissa would never go through with it. Though she had plenty to be unhappy about within her marriage, she also had an understandable appreciation for the comfort and stability it represented in she and her daughter’s life. It kept the bills paid. Their appearances together at events and at Roselyn’s school functions were clean cut although they had plenty of scandal behind closed doors. It kept Roselyn happy and up to par with her friends, who all live in two parent homes. The only thing they withheld from her was a sibling. Melissa couldn’t even entertain the thought of giving him another child, let alone actually doing it. What she and Kenneth shared became less of a marriage and more like role playing for the sake of their daughter and particular standards. Eventually, their forced connection dissipated and all that was left is the further damaged they’ve caused. For Melissa to have abruptly packed up a luggage full of she and Roselyn’s things, and escape to New York for the holiday season, without even considering Kenneth’s feelings about spending the holidays away from his only child, the damage has to be brutal. Nearly everyone knew it, but no one built up the audacity to question it.

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