not beautiful

anonymous asked:

but actually like why are you so nice its really weird

tbh a lot of it is bc in hs i was OBSESSED with this one writer and it got to the point i was like “i’m gonna watch an interview w/him, he changed my life+writing, i should see what he’s like irl.” he was an asshole. not a “i’m tryna be funny” way but in a way that little 17 year old me was watching my idol talk about how people like me deserve to die (he literally said “i don’t get why people like that are still alive”) and like it REALLY messed me up and  on further research, it was confirmed 100% he was Not A Good Guy  and now i can’t even look at his books w/out feeling this odd sickness in my tummy + like i’m not a world-famous author but i never forgot the feeling of having somebody you genuinely look up to turning out to be a dickbag and since i have no way of knowing who looks up to me, i try to make sure that every single thing i do is a gentle thing. i don’t want somebody to regret liking me. and like in person im usually referred to as “sassy” and like i like being funny + ridiculous, but i know a lot of people struggle w/things like sarcasm or hidden meaning and tone can get lost over things like text, so online i’m just 100% all the kindness w/out a side of sass + i just try not to hurt anybody!!!

my mother always said, “if you’re going to do anything worthy of being someone else’s inspiration, make sure you’re worthy to be that somebody’s inspiration.”