not another doozy

no place to call home by suspendrs (21k)

“What are you smiling about, Harrison,” the boy spits, body language suddenly getting defensive. “I’ll have you know that I’m-”

“Harry,” Harry interrupts, giggling. “My name is Harry. And if you’re not called Peter, then what are you called?”

The boy tilts his chin up slightly, surveying Harry like he’s checking if he’s worthy of knowing something as important as his name. “Well, Herschel, it’s nice to meet you. I’m Louis.”

Or, Louis isn’t Peter Pan and Harry isn’t Wendy and Neverland is nothing like Harry thought it would be, but it’s perfect anyway.

(thank you to Gabby @loupsandhirry for the beautiful pictures in this post)

It’s me & I’m back with another new AU despite having 10+ WIPs in my drafts!! (Why am I like this??? RIP) Ok so I’ve got a Rosa/Gina Cake Shop AU fic in the works, but since that’s predictably going to take forever for me to finish, here is a list of headcanons for a Jake/Amy version of that AU: 

  • Charles owns and runs Niko’s (the only cake shop in Brooklyn to boast having the best mouth-feel), and Amy is his acclaimed cake decorator. 
    • She’s not allowed to touch anything that’s uncooked or not made for decorating; even the buttercream frosting and the fondant icing she uses are made by Charles.
  • The first time Jake comes into the store, he’s super frazzled because he completely forgot he volunteered to bring cake for the precinct’s annual picnic. 
    • Charles is worried they won’t be able to finish a Perfect cake by noon, but he accepts the order anyway and even waives the extra rush fee. (”I got you, Jakey! Leave it to me!”)  
    • Amy is Not Pleased because she is the one who has to figure out how they’re going to get a cake chilled, frosted, and decorated in less than an hour. She’s never one to back down from an organizational challenge though, and she manages to get the cake boxed and ready a whole 4 minutes before Jake comes by to pick it up. 
  • Jake becomes a regular at Niko’s and always has the most ridiculous orders.
    • He quickly picks up that Amy is a Type A Perfectionist, so he’s always like, “Alright, today I want… a lopsided cake, tilted exactly 1.5 mm to one side, with a sugar flower 0.78 cm off-center. Oh, and make sure it’s sliced unevenly!”
    • Amy is appropriately infuriated, but she’s all for fulfilling oddly specific instructions. 
  • Let’s be honest, all the cake orders land Jake in crushing debt. After he makes his 20th order in two months, Charles starts to get concerned about his finances and starts creating the weirdest discounts/promos.
    • ”50% off for all NYPD detectives whose first names begin with J!” 
    • “Buy one, get one cake free if you come wearing a leather jacket!!”
    • “Free cake decorating class if you can quote 20 minutes of Die Hard!” (“Charles, I did not agree to teach this!!!” “AMY, YOU GOTTA.”)
  • One day, Jake comes in to order a Get Well Soon! cake for his mom, and there is so much love in his descriptions that Amy’s like… Damn.
    • He orders a multi-tier cake and brings in three messy crayon drawings as samples for how each cake layer should be decorated. (”Try not to look too impressed, but these are my earliest masterpieces from my days as a young kindergartner… I stole them from my mom’s fridge while she was napping yesterday.”)
    • He makes Amy promise on her favorite icing pen that she won’t forget the details on Graham Crackers’s shell. (”This was the last portrait I drew of my dear turtle before he got married and moved in with his wife. Do not ruin this, Amy!”) 
    • She puts her heart and soul into decorating this cake (possibly even more effort than when she decorated her brother Luis’ wedding cake), and the photo of the finished product definitely gets filed in her portfolio of best works. 
  • If Amy were to be completely honest, beyond all of Jake’s stupid requests, he’s actually one of the most Earnest and Pure people she knows.
    • He once overheard Charles stressing over a messed up delivery arrangement and offered to drive the cakes himself. (”Boyle, I can turn on my sirens and be there in no time!”)
    • He periodically brings coffee for everyone, not just Amy and Charles. He’s even got the janitor’s regular order memorized. 
    • He got word that Nikolaj’s birthday was coming up, so he put in a secret order for a truck-themed cake. (“Is there a way you can make sure Charles doesn’t find out about this? It’s gotta be a surprise!!!”) 
  • The first time Jake sees Amy in anything other than her chef’s coat is at Nikolaj’s birthday party, and it’s totally jarring for him. 
    • He thought she looked pretty in her pristine white uniform with her hair in a neat bun, but when she’s in a red dress and her hair’s all shiny, soft, and let down like that… wow.
    • He def trips over his words for a good full minute, and Amy just giggles and does the Double Tuck. 
  • Jake walks in one Saturday afternoon, and Amy immediately gets her notebook and pen out cause oh boy, this is gonna be another doozy. 
    • After she says she’s ready to take down his order, he blurts out in one breath: “doyouwannagotothemuseumwithme?”
    • Amy may have been president of her high school’s stenographer’s club, but even she’s not fast enough to jot all of that down. ”Wait, slow down, I didn’t catch that. Did you say museum?”
    • Jake obviously did not mean for that to be on an actual cake, so he’s just like, “………………. Ames.” 
    • She looks up, and he’s got this shy adorable grin on his face, and then it hits her. “OH. OH. Uhm. Yes? Yes!! I- I’m off in 15??????” 
    • Charles is watching this entire exchange from the kitchen (he’s got the door cracked open about an inch, just enough for him to hear everything) and he’s SQUEALING because America’s dream couple is finally getting together!!!!!!!!!!!

All the love to @the-pontiac-bandit​ and @jakelovesamy for helping me with some of these and to @elsaclack and @proofthatihaveaheart for listening to me yell about this! ♥♥♥

Here are some of my fave writers in no particular order. Before I got myself an AO3 account, I read stories and left kudos as a guest, so when I finally got around to grabbing myself a name, I haven’t been able to track all of my faves down officially. You all are awesome people with amazing talent and I’m awful at leaving comments, but I cherish and adore everything you do. I had to cut this a bit short and didn’t include all my fave stories, because I have a very squirmy kitten in my lap who is too big for his britches and refuses to move. Kitten teeth hurt.



Look at this nerd and their amazing writings. I wish I could remember which story I read first and of course, I immediately lost track of what I was doing going through everything and reminiscing. I think it was Caramel and Sugar because I’m Swapfell trash and I love my trash raccoon baby. There are so many great fics, I would just be naming them all. Fresh gave me the encouragement to take the first step in writing again. Before Undertale, the last thing I wrote (not counting RPs) was a good ten years ago. Thank you for giving me that little nudge.


How to be a Voyeur was the first thing I read of theirs and I need to catch up on their PharohVerse, because hell fucking yeah who doesn’t love a good ancient Egypt based story. No one, that’s who. Spiraling and spiraling is currently wrecking my soul.


Everything they write is fucking incredible. I aspire to one day reach their level of wit, cheekiness and humor. I found them through their tumblr and by extension their AO3 and just, I wish I could pick a favorite because everything they write is gold. I love their Dad Gaster stuff so much, but I think Life Model might just be my absolute fave. FancyMilk is perfection.


Do you want to be wrecked emotionally? Because that’s what’s going to happen when you read their work. Blissfull Ignorance was the first thing I read of theirs and I was not prepared for it. Broken Bonds just came out of nowhere and I want everyone else to hurt with me, too. I am currently screaming at Desiderium. Come scream with me too.


If you haven’t read These are our Days Then you haven’t lived. Where has this kind of fic been my whole life? Don’t let the size scare you, it is intimidating but Rehlia is a wonderful and fantastic writer, they draw you into the story and this might possibly be my favorite Reader fic ever.


Burden to Bear Oh fuck, Underfell, take me like you took Papyrus. My body was not ready for this. It went from hot sexy shit to omg sweetness to WHAT IS EVEN GOING ON MY SOUL HURTS WHY?! They write a lot of great smut too.


Rottenberry, Kustard and Roommate Bros. Fuck. Yes. Have you heard of String Theory? Because this stormed my castle by surprise too. I was wholly unprepared for it and if you like sobbing on your work breaks like I do, then read this. And then yell at Crush because they deserve to be scolded/praised. Gotta add Discrete Trials is really sweet and touching.


Found them through Crush and Fresh and I’m so glad I did. I have yet to read everything of theirs but soon. SOON. How To Get A Spicy Boyfriend went from heh, to aww, to wtf to OMG YES GIMMIE. I’m so fucking enchanted by everything they write.


Flipping the Script is what made me fall in love with Swapfell. This fucked me up, I’m still fucked up over it. I saw the warnings other people gave, but I ignored it and my life will never be the same. Do you wish to be emotionally compromised? Read this. I’m so happy they’re continuing to write Undertale because FtS was just my gateway drug into their writing.


Perhaps my very first fontcest fanfic I read, Breaking Point holds a special place in my heart. I hope they continue to write what they love and I thank them for giving us this sweetness.


Another great writer who kills me. For An Everlasting Smile is a slow burn into madness and I appreciated every moment of it. They have so many great one shots, I would seriously list them all but you gotta read their work. Give it to me, give me your awesomeness. I make delighted noises every time they pop up in my inbox with a new chapter/story.


If you haven’t heard of Eiznel, then you’ve been living under a rock. I have read and reread everything of their and I am thirsty for more. Adjustments may possibly be the second Fontcest fanfic I read.


I heard about them through someone else’s recommendation by lurking on another’s tumblr and incognito checked it out. Must Love Animals was the recommendation and at the time it was 25 chapters long and I was like shit, I don’t have time for this and spent the entire day devouring it. It’s another doozy in length but god, is it so good.


Chemistry of Cooking and Other odd Events was one of the first Undertale fics I read before I got an account and introduced me into the whole Reader fic phenomenon. Their smutty, smut goodness is très bien.

The Universe Gave Me the Middle Finger

So, I sent in a submission a few days ago about my LOD being a jerk, but oh man, do I have another doozy for you. I work at an office supply store, normally as logistics, but I’m “trained” in the print department (trained = I figured out how to do enough shit to keep the department open). I hadn’t been in the department for a few months, and while the store was being remodeled, some of the equipment was changed out, and recently some of our programs were upgraded. Sounds simple enough, but it’s enough of a difference that I’m essentially having to relearn the department. And trying to do that while the department is burning to the ground around you is not an easy task.

Last Tuesday (6/13), I was closing in the print department, my first shift in months (because one of the regular print persons is on vacation), and it fucking sucked. We have two color printers behind the counter (beforehand it was one), and not long into my shift, they both broke. At the same time. In the same way: I would tell it to print from one tray, and it would attempt to print from another. The only size I could print at was 11"x17", which is not a common size. So, essentially, I couldn’t print anything in color. I called the company that owns the printers to have a guy come in to fix them, but it couldn’t happen til the next day.

And then, the B&W self-serve copier alerted me that it needed a new fuser. So I got what I thought was a new fuser (because that’s what the box said it was) and attempted to replace it. But fuck me, because as soon as I opened it up, one of the paper rollers broke off and fell into the machine. I got it out, but I had to call the company yet again to get that fixed as well.

But man, as if that wasn’t enough. So, as part of our remodel, we got these computers in that customers can use (for a fee) to print things they need. It was about an hour until close, and we had a customer using one…when it crashed. There’s a phone in between the computers for the customers to use to call a support line if they need anything regarding the computers…except it doesn’t work. So we called the support line on one of the store phones and let the customer use the other computer…which also crashed. I was so tired and angry after the first incident that I left the department (helped that it slowed down a lot), and after the second I wanted to go back to the stock room and start sorting the freight, especially since I had to be back the next morning to do that, anyway.

TL;DR: I wasn’t in a department for a long time, it changed drastically, and my first shift back every machine I had to use broke.

image is of a screencap of a post by user autisticbadger that reads:

autisticbadger: honestly i no longer care about or fear the idea of being called biphobic

i don’t care about bi women anymore. i really, really don’t

sickofwhinybisexuals: yup sick of um beyond belief tumblr Bis are the worst so self righteous!

geekandmisandry: Self righteous isn’t creating a side blog just to hate on bisexual people, particularly women? Interesting take.

speaking of no-platforming, here’s another screencap of a doozy from our whorephobic, ableist, transmisogynistic, racist friend who laughs at rape victims, autisticbadger/badgerbutch

though for the record I think the second blog is a troll

anonymous asked:

You seem to know a lot about Lost so I came here to ask about Ben Linus. I don't really understand his character (is he supposed to be good or bad or what?) or his relationship with the island and John Locke or his motivations or really anything. I know he's a deep, complex character but I don't exactly know why. Could you explain this to me? I can't find a good analysis anywhere. PS. I love your blog.

OH GOSH I LOVE BEN SO MUCH okay i’m going to use a read more because i’m sure i’ll end up typing a lot

Keep reading

Anything But Ordinary (part one)

Anon request: Pre serum Steve X reader fic please? Total fluff!!  I will love you forever! Pre serum Steve needs more appreciation

**I really wanted to write this as a HELLA LONG one shot but with school, I decided to make it multi-parts so sorry for the suspense it’s just easier for me this way! LET A GIRL KNOW IF YOU LIKED THE SETUP THOUGH**


You gazed into the small mirror hanging above your friend Margaret’s vanity, applying your mascara with concentration and with a small smile as Margaret rambled on excitedly.

“And Y/N, I can’t WAIT for you to meet James, he’s just a dream and his friend Steve sounds absolutely perfect for you,” she squealed happily, her blond curls bouncing before she fell backwards onto her bed with a contented sigh.

Without looking up from the mirror, you gave a patient reply: “Just like all the other meatheads you tried to set me up with were supposed to be perfect for me?”

“But that’s the thing! This guy isn’t a meathead at all! He’s not even a soldier!”

That got your attention. “What do you mean he’s not a soldier?” you asked, taking your gaze away from the mirror, dumbfounded. Practically every man your age was in some form of military service unless he was in the hospital or a farmer. “Marg,” you said with a groan. “Is this guy some schmuck from the country? I won’t have two things to say to him.”

Margaret giggled and grabbed your hand. “No, silly! He’s from Brooklyn, don’t you worry. But,” her normally cheerful countenance fell and you looked at her with concern, “James told me that Steve was real sick as a kid, like scarlet fever and everything, and it made him real sick when he was growing up and all.” She continued on sadly. “He’s got asthma and heart problems and is pretty skinny from being so sick all the time. The army wouldn’t let him in – he tried at least three times. But James absolutely adores him; said he’s his best friend and the sweetest and toughest guy he knows. They’ve been friends since they were little; James’ family took Steve in after his parents passed away. They’re like brothers.”

Your skeptical expression softened as Margaret spoke and your heart broke for this Steve, the torment and bullying he must’ve been put through growing up and his frustration with being held back from joining the military with so many other men ready to serve their country.

“Wow,” you said softly. “That’s really sad.” You continued with a sad smile. “At least he’s definitely different than those other guys you had me go out with.”

Margaret made a face and you laughed with her. “Yeah, there were a few doozies in there. I just want you to be happy, Y/N. You deserve a great guy. And this Steve guy sounds awfully nice, I think you’ll actually like him.”

You sighed and looked at Margaret’s bright and happy face and couldn’t bring yourself to tell her the truth: that you hadn’t felt true happiness in months, and you really didn’t think some guy you were set up with would change that. But how could you say no to your best friend and a free date?

“Thanks, Marg.” You stood up and ran a hand through your loose curls, grabbing your dark jacket with your other hand. You forced a grin. “Here’s to hoping he’s not another doozie.”

You linked arms with your best friend as you shut the door behind you both, hating yourself for the longing you felt in the pit of your stomach for your words to hold true. That you did want someone.


“I’m telling you, Stevie, you’re going to love Margaret. She’s a doll. And the way she described Y/N makes it sound like you two are going to get along wonderfully.”

Steve sighed and stared at Bucky, who was currently running his hands through his dark locks, eyes fixated on the mirror in front of him as he slicked his hair to the side. Steve’s heart twinged with jealousy, knowing full well how girls looked at Bucky and how girls looked at him. Steve tried to handle his countless rejections with humor, but it still stung inside watching his dates stare after Bucky; their glassed over eyes full of regret that they were stuck with Bucky’s friend and not the soldier himself. He never blamed Bucky, of course, but going out only to be let down time and time again was really starting to get old.

“Just like you said about the last three girls, Bucky,” Steve said dryly, a sas smile appearing on his face as Bucky immediately ran over to him and shook his shoulders excitedly.

“Yeah, OK, well those girls weren’t the sharpest tools in the shed anyways. And we know how smart you are! And Margaret’s friend is really smart too, she’s in her last year of college and everything!” Bucky noticed the forced smile on Steve’s face and sighed, his expression softening as he clapped his best friend’s shoulder. “Look, Steve, she really does sound like a nice girl, and I know she’s pretty because Margaret showed me a picture. You, Steven Rogers, are going to have a nice time with a nice girl tonight, alright? I promise.”

Steve looked into Bucky’s face, so full of concern and sincerity; his genuine desire to lift his friend from his loneliness and to have someone see him for who he was past the scrawny kid from Brooklyn. And while Steve had resigned himself to the notion that just wasn’t possible, he just couldn’t say no to the date when looking into Bucky’s eager face.

Forcing a smile to pacify Bucky, Steve swallowed and grabbed his jacket, carefully tucking his sketchbook in the inner pocket. If the date didn’t work out, he could at least get some good sketches in. He turned to Bucky, the same forced smile on his face. “Let’s give this a shot.”

Flight of Stars and Fire: Part 3

Oh man, this was another doozy to write. I hope you guys are enjoying the long chapters (they’re a bitch to edit btw, hope you all know that!) AANYYWAAYS, enjoy the next part to this tale!

A freaking huge shout out to @luckybachi for betaing this fic for me. I just keep writing these long chapters and somehow you still put up with me. Thank you so much!

Summary: The custom of Fiore is to bestow everyone a dragon when they come of age. It is seen as a passage into adulthood. Lucy was no different, but with her father attempting to control her now more than ever, she finds herself living on her own terms and travels about Earthland, heading to Pergrande as her final destination. A Fairy Tail Dragon Rider AU.

Word Count: 5234 (Hey, it’s shorter than the last one!)


Parts: Part 1, Part 2, Part 3

The man stood up and walked away, leaving Lucy dumbfounded. He said that he wanted to discuss things over dinner, but all he did was evade her questions. She had answered all of his. She ground her teeth in frustration, clenching her fists in her lap. This man. He was impossible, but why did he demand so much of her attention?

Lucy watched as he strode up to Jenny and took the key she offered him. He looked back at her, winked for a final time that night with a sly grin and disappeared up the stairs.

All she wanted to slap that blasted smirk off his face. It felt like he was toying with her.

Her eyebrow twitched and Lucy reached up to smooth her brow. She hadn’t expected her journey to end up like this. It was exhausting in the first place, and now she has to deal with this frustrating stranger. She didn’t even know his name!

With a heavy sigh she pushed back from the table and stood up. She felt the warmth radiating out of her bag from her egg. It eased some of her frustration, comforting heat washing through her as she shouldered her bag.

She made her way up to Jenny, a yawn escaping her.

“Can… ah, sorry, excuse me. Can I have the key to my room?”

“Sure thing, Lucy!” She ducked behind the counter for a second before reappearing with a key. “You’re down the hall from Mister Flirts-A-Lot, but he shouldn’t be much of an issue after tonight.”

Lucy looked at her quizzically. “Is he leaving in the morning?”

Jenny shook her head and waved her off. “Nothing to worry about. He just needs sleep like you do. Come on, I’ll show you to your room.”

Lucy smiled at the kind woman, gracious that she hadn’t been left to wander the town and pay for an overpriced room.

She followed behind Jenny, dragging her feet as her exhaustion tightened its grip on her once again. She had really wanted to speak with that man for a while longer. She had so many questions. How did he know Mister Makarov and Laxus? How did he know about her egg? Why was he sent to look after her? Didn’t he know that it would be years before she and her dragon would be able to fly by themselves? He had to know that he was committing to watch over her for at least three years.

She stumbled out of her thoughts as she bumped into Jenny’s shoulder. The other woman caught her before she bounced off and fell to the ground.

“Easy there, don’t need you bumping your head.”

Lucy nodded, head feeling so fuzzy that she was sure that when she hit the bed, she would be out for the night. Jenny handed her the key and wished her goodnight.

Another jaw-popping yawn crawled out of Lucy’s frame as she struggled with fitting the key into the lock. Eventually, she managed to stumble into the room. A bed and armoire made up the furniture of the room. No desk or another room leading to the bathroom. She didn’t really bother to think about there being a public bath for Blue Pegasus.

She dropped her bag on the mattress and took out the egg, hugging it to her chest. She didn’t waste time before she crawled into bed. Covers be damned, the egg warmed her enough that she didn’t need them. Her thoughts about the man from earlier faded to the back of her mind as she drifted off to sleep, a light hum the only sound alongside her gentle breathing. She nuzzled the egg.

“I can’t wait to meet you…” she whispered. “I want to meet my friend…”

Lucy swam away into the sleep that conquered her mind, never noticing the light that filled her room.

Keep reading

after another doozy of a long day at the brewery, i came home & flopped on the couch.

me: takeout?
boyfriend: i was kinda feelin goin out?
me: [indecipherable moaning]
boyfriend: we can stay home if you want, but i was thinking oysters… mussels…
me: ugh you’re killin me smaaalls
boyfriend: no big deal
[the tension is building]
me: OK but we have to get in the car RIGHT NOW & you’re driving & you have to pour me a road wine. those are my terms.
boyfriend: you’ve got a deal


ATTENTION—The Marble Hornets fandom is officially on un-hiatus and has been declared to be in an EMERGENCY SITUATION for the following reasons:

1) We’re nearing the end of the series.  In fact, the next episode is rumored to be the finale.

2) We recently added a new word to our fandom lingo—"doozy"—that signals a particularly important and intense episode.

3) Bad things happen during doozies.

4) Bad things happen all the time in Marble Hornets, actually, but especially during doozies.

5) The show has relatively recently picked up the habit of killing off a major character every few episodes.

6) One of them died during the last doozy.

7) In fact, come to think of it, there are really only two characters still alive.

8) And they both want to kill each other.

9) No, really, one of them actually tried to burn the other one alivein his own house.

10) Anyway, we’re getting another doozy sometime this week.  Probably Thursday, though it may come a bit earlier or later.

11) We’re a really anxious fandom.  You would be too if you watched this show.

12) We’re all afraid Tim’s gonna die.

13) Oh God Tim’s gonna die isn’t he?