author’s note: titled this after the song by saint motel cuz i wrote this while listening to that and then i remembered the whole “nancy’s not my type” line and that is purely coincidence i promise lol
Summary: The reader was supposed to be Steve’s tutor, but Steve walks into the library to see her helping Billy. Does he really get the right to be jealous if they’re just friends?
Word Count: 3519
Authors note: I cannot believe how smutty this is guys…holy shit…get ready for smutty angsty Steve!! Lmk what you think:)
You were chewing on a pen, focusing on the paper you were currently reading. Your concentration was broken, however, when you felt someone staring.
Bringing your head up you saw Billy looking down at you, to be fair you were grading his paper, but to also be fair he was giving you the most sinful look ever.
Normally you’d be helping Steve with his papers, but he’d become weirdly distant lately. So you distracted yourself, and how much you missed him, by helping Billy.
Billy licked his lips, “What’s the damage sweetheart?”. You tried not to blush from all the attention. Looking away you said, “Well I can’t exactly read when you’re staring at me like that”.
You laughed lightly, trying to ease the situation. His smirk only grew, “Sorry, I just badly want-”. Billy paused briefly, wanting to see how you’d react. Letting out a breath he finished, “To do good you know?”.
David Tennant, Catherine Tate, and Euros Lyn from the DVD commentary:
[talking about End of Time Part One after part of David’s suit gets burned] David Tennant: Now we just saw one of the Doctor’s suits being incernated, which was not a happy time for Louise Page, our costume designer.
Catherine Tate: No - I bet.
DT: She was very sad, because there were only a few left - particularly the brown suit, which was made out of a material that we could no longer get any access to, so there would never be another one.
CT: So you couldn’t even replicate it?
DT: No, ‘cause that material has gone.
Euros Lyn: How many suits did you have?
DT: There was always a bit of a mystery about it, and I was never quite told…
CT & EL: [ Laughter ]
DT: I think that’s because Louise was protecting them, like a cat protects her kittens. She was very proprietorial - quite right too. She looked after those costumes very lovingly, and the thought that one of them would have to be trashed… In fact, in this episode, two of them end up getting trashed because one at the end gets all slashed and burnt. She was very nervous of that. I mean, you know, this is the final story they’re going to be used in, so it had to be done, but… yes, she was very manful about it in the end but she found it pretty tough.
CT: Not without a struggle.
EL: What happens when Matt wears it at the end? Was he wearing your suit?
DT: Well he was wearing the cut-up one… No! No, that’s not true. Because I get cut but then I change back, don’t I. He was just wearing one of the suits.
EL: One of the spare ones.
DT: But I’m not quite sure what happens in his first episode. I think he then maybe uses the one that got a bit torn up in ours, because doesn’t it get a bit torn up in… I don’t know maybe we shouldn’t talk about that. That’s probably a secret. Sorry Steven Moffat. Yes, those suits are high currency because we can never make them again.
EL: So did you get any of your costumes?
DT: I did. Louise very kindly gave me one of everything
CT & EL: Awwwwwww
DT: Yeah. So I’ve got one brown suit, one blue suit, and versions of all the shirts and ties and various combinations
CT: Oh, brilliant
DT: …and the tux, I’ve got that as well. I think with the proviso that, come “The Fourteen Doctors” in 2020 I’m expected to provide my own costume.
Imagine Billy making special brownies (weed) and Steve takes one without knowing and he's ends up high. Billy would not know weather to laugh or be concerned. The shit that comes out of Steve's mouth when's he's high is amusing and weird.
“Billy…what is this show…?”
“I dunno. It’s Small Wonder. You wanted to watch it.”
“Do we have more Fritos.”
“Nah, you ate all the Fritos.”
“Why do they make the little robot girl sleep in the closet.”
“I dunno. Here have a Twinkie.”
“OH my GOD. I love you. I love Twinkies-“
“Yeah I know-“
“Billy, how does no one know she’s a robot when she talks like a robot and she always wears the same outfit?”
“I dunno, man.”
“This show is so fucking disturbing. When we have a robot girl we’ll be so much nicer to her.”
“When we have a robot girl?”
“Yeah I mean don’t you want a family someday.”
“No more brownies, Harrington.”
What an episode. There was a lot in it, a lot. Even though
the case was rather simply, it was so full of layers over layers you might call
it puff pastry. And as much as last week’s episode was about Sam and Jack, this
week was all about Dean, from every angle. And as painful as it was to watch
all of Dean’s despair the episode gave us one of the most beautiful, hopeful
endings. Steve Yockey continues to be one of the currently best writers (I’m
still amazed with all the talent to new writers brought to the show). So, let’s
take a closer look.
It was an unusual long teaser this week, but it did the job
right, because even though I knew what was coming (or maybe because of it) I
sat anxious in front of my screen. The actual ghost story was rather simple and
something we saw quite similar back in 1x10. What is interesting about it is
how both the victims and the ghost of the doctor inform Sam and Dean’s story.
We start the story with two boys, thinking of them as a unit, only to learn
later about a third friend, and that the three of them were inseparable. They
split up and in the end two of them died. Parallel to that we start the episode
with two Winchesters and end it with three. The last time the three of them
weren’t on the same page one of them ended up dead.
Dean is mirrored with Shawn. After the traumatic event of
seeing his best friend die Shawn became mute, the same way Dean was mute after
his mother died (and Lucas in 1x03 who was back then a Dean mirror as well).
Shawn tells Dean in the veil that he misses his mom and he wants to go home.
Dean of course longs for a home as well and misses his mother. Dean lost his
mother and Shawn’s mother loses her son – two parents and children separated by
The most interesting parallel though is the fact that Dr.
Meadows tried to cure his patients by performing a lobotomy. He did it to treat
mental illnesses such as depression and anxiety. Not only did it result in the
death of many patients, but it is also the wrong treatment by modern medicine
standard. And even though Sam of course doesn’t try to lobotomize his brother,
his cure/treatment for Dean is wrong as well. This episode is a great example
of how Sam sees/reads his brother, or rather the performance Dean puts on, and
the layer underneath. Sam is aware that Dean is not ok, that the fact that he
no longer believes in anything is a warning sign, and his intentions might be
good (reading reviews for a strip-club, my heart), but the ways he tries to cheer
up are as effective as trying to fix a missing limb with a band aid. He only
sees the tip of the iceberg, but the fact that Dean so casually killed himself
might have given him an idea how bad it really is for Dean.
The Wounded Hunter
Oh Dean. Dean, Dean, Dean. Partly responsible for Sam’s
blindness when it comes to his big brother is of course Dean’s willingness to
participate in the performance. He tells Sam that he will be ok, that he will
get through, with “bullets, bacon, booze” (interestingly no women), and we can’t
blame Sam that he wants to believe that. Especially as Dean actually goes to
the strip-club, though it appears only to get drunk. But we see how deep Dean
is buried in his grief the moment they start to work the case at the abandoned hospital.
He seems almost apathetic when the doctor attacks him, as if he is willing to
risk it (dying). The most heartbreaking moment is though he calm he was when he
talked about killing himself in front of Sam. It is the third time Dean killed
himself in order to get to the veil. In 6x11 he did it because it was the only
way to talk to Death and get Sam’s soul back. In 11x17 we see how messed up he
really is, demonstrating the whole ugly truth about his co-dependent relationship
to Sam. But here? It is just a means to an end, another hunter-tool. Dean is
fully aware of the risk and even then it seems like part of him wants to die. Of
course there is difference between actively wanting to die (because Dean’s goal
is to talk to the ghosts) and choosing death, which he later does in his
conversation with Billie.
We already talked about the absence of deals in this season
(even though Dean asked Chuck for help), which in general is a good thing and
progress. We see this theme continued here, with Dean offering a deal, but he
neither asks for his own life or for Billie to bring back Cas and/or Mary, but
only the ghosts of the victims to be freed (though technically Dean knows that
Billie doesn’t have the power to bring back Cas). On the surface it looks like
an altruistic act, but Billie sees right through Dean’s act.
Billie: […] You have changed, and you tell people it’s not a
big deal. You tell people you’ll work through it, but you know you won’t, you
can’t, and that scares the hell out of you or am I wrong?
Dean: What do you want me to say? It doesn’t matter, I don’t
Billie: Don’t you?
Dean: I couldn’t save Mom. I couldn’t save Cas. I can’t even
save a scared little kid. Sam keeps trying to fix it, but I just keep dragging
him down. So I’m not gonna beg, okay. If it’s my time, it’s my time.
Billie: You really believe that. You wanna die. Dean, every
notebook on this particular shelf tells a version of how you die. You
specifically. Heart attack, burned by a red-haired witch, stabbed by a ghoul in
a graveyard, and on and on. But which one’s right? That depends on you. On the
choices you make.
Dean: Well I guess I made my choice.
This huge pile of angst is so revealing when it comes down
to how Dean’s purpose in life has changed. He defined himself over his job,
both hunting and protecting his brother. But what is the purpose of a hunter if
he no longer can save the people closest to him, the people he loves? If he can’t
even save strangers? If he only seems himself as a burden to his brother, as
someone whose actions no longer have any value?
Both Sam and Dean make a small step in the right direction
in the end, with Sam refusing to let go and forcing Dean to talk, instead of
trying to be nice, and with Dean opening up. Dean who admits that he is not ok,
that even though he has lost people before (John, Bobby), this time it is
different. He needs a win, and it is no coincidence that he echoes Cas’s words
from 12x19 here. Cas’s desperation for a win has led him to make all the wrong
choices (releasing Lucifer, betraying the Winchesters etc) and got him killed
in the end.
The last two or so minutes of the episode were a thing of
beauty. The music choice was great (Steppenwolf’s “It’s never too late”) and
even though we all expected the “Hello Dean” I really liked that they choose
the show the return of Cas without words. Kudos to Jensen and Misha, and John
F. Showalter, for acting and directing the scene the way they did. (And did you
all notice that giant neon cross in the scene? They couldn’t have made it
clearer that Dean has found his faith again.)
Death Becomes Her
Remember all that speculation if Billie is the new Death?
Guess what, you were right guys. Well, somehow. But as much as I am delighted
that Billie is back (as the big boss) I have two questions: Does that mean that
in the time between 10x23 and 12x09 there was no Death? Who was in charge? And
did Billie got herself killed on purpose knowing that she would get a
promotion? (Ok, three questions). Because making deals with the Winchesters is
a fool proof way to get yourself killed. She also says that killing her is what
got Cas killed (in a way), confirming that the cosmic consequences of breaking
the deal were indeed Cas’s death and possibly the opening to the alternative
Speaking of, I wonder why Billie is interested in the
multiple worlds (and if she perhaps has her own agenda regarding Jack). My only
speculation is that opening the rift between the worlds could cause cosmic imbalance.
If people (especially those who are dead in one world and alive in another)
travel through the worlds it will cause chaos. We already saw that with Mary,
who wasn’t supposed to be alive, and the ripple effect her actions caused.
I found it rather amusing that Billie had her table in her
huge office right in front of the “W” section (though I admit I thought the
Winchesters would have a whole shelf for themselves by now). The fact that
multiple notebooks exist with all kind of possible deaths for Dean (and Sam as
well) confirms that the future isn’t set in stone (something Missouri already
told us and is in stark contrast to the idea of Jack seeing the future in
12x19). (Also, a red haired witch? Rowena?)
With her new job Billie sees the bigger picture and knows
now why the old Death has brought back Sam and Dean so many times. She tells
Dean that he and Sam are important, that they got work to do, without telling
them exactly why. Just as Chuck Billie puts a massive amount of responsibility
into the hands of Sam and Dean, something that at least Dean has admitted he
has no interest in. It is possible this is related to Jack, as I can imagine
that he will play a bigger role on a cosmic scale in the future (he could be
the one to bring balance).
Some other things:
- The PB&J. Remember how we all speculated who
would be the one Dean is making it for (Jack or Cas)? And none of us considered
that Dean would make it for himself. Interestingly enough the PB&J is tied
to both Mary and Cas. Mary is the one who used to make sandwiches for Dean; the
PB&J is a childhood memory and comfort food. On the other hand though we
all associate PB&J with Cas since 9x11, and in hindsight we could say the
PB&J foreshadowed Cas’s return. (I’m sure there is crack meta already out
there, explaining how it was the PB&J that brought Cas back and that @elizabethrobertajones has written already 10.000 words
about it <3)
- Jack digging through Sam’s old DVD’s, becoming a
full time nerd. (Please let the two of them make awkward references soon).
- Dean living out his cowboy fantasy with his
boyfriend next week. (It is the cowboy boots that make him sexy)
A/N: Two things.
Teaser clip triggered this. Was going to hold out for a few days to write this
next bit but that cute little exchange of men perfectly aligned where I was
going to take this. Secondly, Ben with a southern/Bostonian accent might be the
death of me. Also sorry that is just a part within a part – can’t help but be a
The air was thick with
tension as the shadows of four soldiers slumped their way to the hidden bar.
Didn’t matter that they were in Istanbul for the next two days, temporarily
considered a safe zone, to find time to unwind. They still walked with their
eyes in their pockets, their trained eyes watching civilians on guard.
It was a tough week.
They had lost almost a
quarter of their recon team over the past three days and the weight of that
realization laid heavy on their minds as they slunk through the door of the well-used
establishment. They had decided to go out to distract themselves. Get drunk.
Maybe get laid. Anything to help them forget about the impossible mission that
was taking them out one by one, like a row of cans standing vulnerable to be
Billy refused to allow
it to bring him down.
He knew loss. Knew
what it felt like to look someone you loved dearly in the eyes and tell them
that everything was going to be all right while you slowly watched the light
burn out of them until you’re left with nothing but their shell. He didn’t get
attached anymore so that sort of human experience – grief - could move past
His comrades had yet
to learn such an art.
Except Frank. Frank, similarly
to him, understood that to maintain sanity that meant sacrificing intimacy. It
wasn’t the best exchange but it guaranteed an existence that didn’t end with
you shooting yourself in the head or getting yourself killed. Ironically, they
were closer because of this knowledge, and Billy nudged him now as the group
slowly made their way to a booth.
“Bet we’re a sight to
see.” He says, his eastern drawl causing a few naked ears to turn their way but
nothings done or said. Just watching. Like an exhibit at a museum.
All I can imagine right now is Karen answering the door while holding Holly and Billy still trying to hit on Karen and the whole “I didn’t know Nancy had a sister” thing and Karen just starts going on and on about Holly, leaving Billy standing there like “Not. What. I. Meant.”
Steve dug his thumbs into Billy’s stiff neck muscles and beneath him his perhaps-someday-boyfriend gave a guttural groan. He was straddling the narrow hips, putting his weight behind each dig.
“Fuck, baby.” His voice was slightly muffled, since his face was resting on his arms. “Where did you learn to do that?” Steve shrugged and replied something vague, distracted as he was by Billy’s muscled back. After ten minutes of intense massage his touch softened and slowed. He sank down, folded until he more or less rested on top Billy, burying his face in the curly hair. A rare moment of peace…
“Steve fucking Harrington. Is that a boner?” Billy sounded amused but Steve sat up straight, mortified at being caught. He had honestly just wanted to cuddle. As he dismounted, Billy reached back and caught his wrist, rolling on his side so that he could pull Steve down into his arms. “C’mere”, he leered and Steve huffed a laugh and let himself be dragged down. To his surprise Billy didn’t try anything immediately, only held him until he was relaxed.
Billy: Did you send me flowers, Teddy? Teddy: No, why would I do that? Billy: (amused) Yeah, like you’d ever be romantic enough to do something like that for no reason. Billy: "Dear Billy, I lied. They’re from me, love Teddy.“ Billy: You scum!
Since you all know how much I love lowkey possessive!Jason for boyfriend characteristics, please consider the idea that Billy 100% knows about it and defs uses it to his advantage whenever he can. Like the team are pretty chill about Jason being a possessive wank, AND THEN BILLY COMES IN AND RUINS IT. All the fudging time.
And it’s worse for times when Jason really can’t placate Billy on something and so the rest of the team have to suffer through death threats becuase Billy just has to be a dick. And it’s so surprising a thing because normally Jason’s pretty calm but then he’s making heavy murder threats when Billy’s out of earshot because of a miscellanous comment and it’s like the moment in Parks and Rec when Leslie threatens to kill Ben over a fucking game.
Zack usually gets the brunt of it because it’s so easy:
Billy (after Jason has to decline a movie date bc homework): Hey, Zack, do you wanna see a movie?
Zack (wary as fuck): Sure. Which one?
Billy: Slaughterhouse 5. Though I’ll probably get really scared and have to hold your hand.
Jason: *IS SUDDENLY AWARE*
Billy: And you’ll have to cuddle me during all the really scary parts.
Jason: *full-on glaring at Zack*
Zack: *nervous* Okay.
Billy: Great! I’ll text you the details later. *smooches Jason’s cheek and leaves*
Zack: Okay, now Jason-
Jason: I’m going to kill you.
Trini is a little harder but most of the time she just plesantly reminds Jason that she is very very gay. A:nd in love with Kim. And full-on homo.
Jason: You’ve betrayed me
Trini: It’s just dinner? We’re friends. And I’m gay. Stop taking this shit seriously.
Jason: Maybe Billy's your exception. MAYBE YOU’VE BEEN LYING FROM THE START TO GET INTO HIS PANTS.
Trini: Jason. I’m gay. I like girls. Billy is not an exception and never will be because I only like girls. I’m also in a relationship! With Kim! Who I’d die for! Why the fuck would I want to sleep with Billy???
Jason: I guess you have a point…
Trini: So we good?“
Jason: Yeah, but what if-
Trini: *half ready to punch a man twice and then maybe once more* Jason.
AND THEN. BILLY AND KIM ARE JUST THE WORST LITTLE SHITS EVER AND JASON IS ONE ARM-STROKE AWAY FROM THROWING HER OFF A CLIFF.
Kim flirts back. She loves riling him up. She thinks it’s fun. Trini thinks she’s gonna die. Zack finds the whole situaiton amusing. Billy does too. Jason does not.
Jason’s going to kill Kim if she keeps this up.
Trini: It’s literally fake. They’re just trying to get a rise out of you.
Zack: Or maybe Billy’s confessing his undying love.
Trini: You’re making it worse, Zack.
Zack: I know.
Kim: *throws her hair over her shoulder and winks at them before squeezing Billy’s arm*