not aligne

We're the bad guys

CONTEXT: I’m hosting D&D tonight and my party is in an underwater treasure hunt. they broke into an underwater dome and found it to be inhabited by shark people, 2 to be specific. After being discovered they proceed to attack him, then the other shows up shouting in his language (which one character, Davkul, can translate but isn’t at this time). After some fighting and shouting they find out these two are a Gay Selachian (sharkmen) Couple and they broke into their house and attacked them, which they hadn’t figured out just yet.

Sam, our Ranger: Okay I’m gonna stealth forward…and use the hook I steeped on earlier to stab him in the neck.

DM (Me): oh…oh god okay… *audibly worried*

Sam: *Rolls Nat 20* HA! I’m also gonna use both my swords to stab him! *Rolls 19’s*

DM: *whimpers* oh no….they hit….

At this point the second shark came out and started shouting in their language.

Spot, our Rogue who’s obsessed with guns: I’m gonna shoot him!  *Roll’s 2 nat 18’s, they hit*

DM: *AUDIBLY UPSET* Davkul, you hear the second Sharkman shout this in his language.

I then proceeded to send him the dialouge privately, this follows.

Selachian 1 (Joe): OH GOD BOB NO!!

Davkul: *Recites lines to party* Oh no, I’m gonna punch him anyway!

DM: …the selachian collapses, unconscious, the second one cries out…

Selachian Joe: WHY!? SHOOTING AND STABBING HIM WASN’T ENOUGH?! TAKE WHAT YOU WANT AND JUST LEAVE ALREADY!!

Davkul (ooc): OH GOD THEY’RE GAY. THEY’RE A GAY COUPLE AREN’T THEY?!

S.Joe: He was making dinner! Why did you do this??

The whole party is in hysterics

Sam: TELL THEM IM SORRY (ooc) I slide them a potion and try to look apologetic…

Davkul: ITS NOT MY FAULT I SWEAR…I DIDN’T KNOW

Spot: WE BROKE INTO THEIR HOUSE AND ATTACKED THEM OH GOD WE’RE THE BAD GUYS

With a nicely picked attire, granted he didn’t himself- this was actually his friend Welordrels choices in clothing. Wel had always had the better fashion sense than Calastrien- though the man is trying harder to make sure he looked good.

With a soot-free face and just gripping the crates of supplies, even with his engraver nowhere to be around a shrug was made. He’d be good whether or not Wel had arrived there, it was his job to stand there pretty and quietly to be able to take peoples orders- Welordrel… Well, he knew fully that the friend wouldn’t be able to keep still for very long, a hyper and well-talented elf the man was- always assuring the detail was written down nicely and legible.

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Cleric: “Do you think my goddess is going to be mad at me because I accidentally contacted a devil when I was trying to contact one of her avatars?”
Wizard: “…maybe. Do you plan on making a pact or converting?”
Cleric: “What? No.”
Wizard: “Then you should be fine.”
—–A few days later
Cleric: “So the devil contacted me this time to offer aid. He said no strings attached and just to listen to him. Of course he wants to make a pact. He says he just wants to help us make sure the world doesn’t get destroyed, nothing nefarious.”
Ranger: “You’re not gonna make a pact with him, right?”
Cleric: “I don’t plan on it.”
——A loooong while later
Wizard: “Hey, when did your healing spells become purple.”
Cleric: “Oh. You know.”
Wizard: “…you made the fucking pact didn’t you.”
Cleric: “My goddess was ignoring my calls! I needed my powers, what was I supposed to do? He was a civil guy and has been since! He even taught me to make power stones to help contact him and such.”
Wizard: “And how do you do that?”
Cleric: “Er. Forget I mentioned it.”
Wizard (OOC): I’m gonna use detect alignment.
Cleric (OOC): Oh yeah she’s neutral evil as hell now.
Wizard: “Damnit! You were our moral compass!”
Cleric: “I still can be! What’s a few souls sacrificed anyways?”
Wizard: “IMMORAL.”
Cleric: “You got me there.”
Ranger: “Does that make me most reasonable person in the party now? Besides you.”
Wizard: “By default, probably.”
Ranger: “Nice. Let’s go do some morally grey shit!”
Cleric: “YEAH!”
Wizard: “I hate you both.”

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short lesbians make me go: 💖💛💕💘💜💞❤️💙💓💚💝🧡✨

tall bi girls make me go: 💞💖💙💓💘💜❤️✨🧡💛💝

short bi girls make me go: 💜🧡💞💖✨💝❤️💙💕💘💓

tall pan girls make me go: ✨💓💕💝💙💞💖🧡💜❤️💛💘💚

short pan girls make me go: 💛❤️💓🧡✨💝💜💘💙💖💚

tall questioning girls make me go: 💞✨💕💙💝💖💛❤️🧡💜💚💓💘

short questioning girls make me go: 💞💛💝🧡✨❤️💚💜💓💘💙