a friend of mine linked this to me a while back, saying it was the funniest thing he’s ever watched. i watched it, chuckled a bit. didn’t think it was that funny. bit of a disappointment.
flashforward to two months later. i’m sitting in the library, dead silent. i’ve completely forgotten about this video until now, but then in my head i just hear the opening line, “hey there youtube, uh, stu here” pop up and i just lose it. i can’t stop laughing. i’m laughing the hardest i’ve ever laughed in my life. i’m desperately trying to stop laughing and i just can’t. people are staring, gawking at this poor man trying to suppress his laughter with some kind of contorted mixture of joy and horror on his face. i spent the next half an hour in a toilet cubicle, cackling to myself about a fucking spicy chipotle chicken pizza unboxing video, trying to calm myself down
please do not watch this video it is a ticking timebomb
I’m far more interested in travelling to various African countries, the Caribbeans, Asia/The Middle East, South America, different islands etc than I am in going to western countries. I just find Western countries to be boring and fake. European countries are just dry in my opinion, just generally crusty and they all resemble each other. America doesn’t interest me and in fact it scares the shit outta me but I’m still gonna go because I wanna eat all the foods I hear about like Chipotle, Taco Bell, Popeyes and shit. Oh & I have family there. Maybe go to Disneyland but that’s it. Western countries are trashhhh otherwise and their food is less than mediocre but they do make bomb desserts.
I have been whining a lot lately on here and fully recognize that. The majority of my posts are negative, self-absorbed, and not especially productive except in terms of me processing my thoughts, which for some reason seems to resonate more for me with an audience or some form of response. It’s not that I want to be particularly performative (at times I’ve been the most unfiltered I’ve ever been on here), but those tiny hearts and your kind words over the past couple months have really helped me through a lot.
It’s also not to say that I haven’t typed nearly 100 pages in a Google document where the most private and disturbing thoughts are being housed. Almost everything I’ve posted here has held some more meaning than the ramblings and paranoia piling up over there, whereas here I try to be more deliberate in my words and even venture into prose at times. Everything here has had at least some purpose (though today’s post about Chipotle may be a low point - yes, I know I could have gotten one for leftovers, I was just cranky and being overdramatic).
My point is, I’m a bit of a loss of what to say in terms of the space I’m taking up here these days. In some ways, I’m sorry for being a Negative Nancy and clogging up everyone’s feeds for so long now with long, emotional posts. I know they aren’t exactly interesting to read. But at the same time, I’m also not really sorry because this is my space and I suppose I can do with what I please. Perhaps the weirdest part of it all for me is that this used to be a legitimate teacher blog with PBL project ideas and now it’s the blog of a media specialist in the midst of a minor breakdown.
My follower count is in the thousands, though its climb has trickled in the past year or two since the #Education tag ceased to exist and it became more difficult to get exposure to new audience. I don’t know if that spurred this blog to become more personal or if it was the other way around. Regardless, because of its size, I don’t often look at the follower count. However, I’ve been hovering near a milestone so I’ve been glancing at it more the past couple weeks and today I noticed it went down. I really don’t care about it (I probably only regularly interact with 100 of you or so) but I realized it’s probably directly related to the kind of “content” I’ve been producing lately.
I don’t really have a point here besides to promise that I know in time I’ll return to myself and post more positive things (maybe even job-related? who knows?), but in the meanwhile, I wanted to thank all of you who have made me feel heard in these two months. Sometimes I look back at your comments on earlier posts just to give me some more courage to move forward. I know I don’t always get a chance to respond to everyone, but it means a lot to me. I couldn’t have gotten this far without you, so thanks for sticking with me through the good and the bad.
Have you seen any of the shit about ""Leafs"" in chipotle food"? In actuality they were just bay leafs. A spice that is supposed to be removed. I found it really funny how some peeps refuse to eat foreign food bc "appropriation" and then they shit on a spice bc they refused to do an ounce of research. Also, DO NOT EAT THE BAY LEAF. Some people insist bc its in the food, it HAS to be edible and bay leafs are nOT. Do some fckin research guys geez. -Sincerely, an Asian that uses bay leafs a lot
I have seen that. I do find it pretty funny but I also understand that to people who have never used bay leaves before that they would be confused. But yeah, my girlfriend is Cuban so she uses bay leaves in her cooking as well. I still don’t fully understand how a bay leaf changes the flavor of food but I can never complain about her cooking so I don’t question it lol!
damn…its weird to think that my bros won’t be able to hang out at my house on Friday nights because we’ll all be at different colleges. I really don’t know what I’m going to do without them…its like…im getting on a train and they arent coming with me..but i have to do it…..I’ll find other bros…but these bros have always been there. The first kiss. The soccer championship. The silent exchange of homework worksheets to help a bro out…but this is something i NEED to do. I’ll always be there for my bros but we wont be hanging out, talking about girls, or grabbing chipotle. they will be in the back of my mind…but I’ve got to move on…so I can grow and become the best person I can be
Anon: Can I get a Calum Hood imagine where your friends dare you to kisscam him and he ends up with your number or something? My name’s Kaitlyn.
I hope you like it, I’m not that satisfied with it. You didn’t leave your friends’ name so I made some up.
“I’m bored.” My best friend,Myra groaned, throwing herself back into the grass.
“You can say that again.” Julie agreed with her.
The three of us were currently at the park, sitting in the grass. We were bored out of our minds and didn’t know what else to do, so we came here. We got on the swings for a bit, but then somehow just eventually ended up sitting here.
“Think of something to do, Katie.”
“I’ve got nothing.” I shrugged.
“You didn’t even try!”
“Neither did you, Julie!” I told her and she laughed. We sat in silence before Myra hopped up with a smile on her face.
“Let’s do a kisscam!”
“I don’t wanna.” I immediately protested and they rolled their eyes.
“Come on, Kaitlyn. You never do kisscams.” Myra whined and I crossed my arms.
“That’s because I don’t find kissing strangers on the side of the street fun.”
“Please, just this one time.” Julie begged. “I promise we’ll find someone hot.”
“Please.” Myra asked, giving me the puppy dog face. She knows that’s my weakness, and it doesn’t help tbat she has these huge big brown eyes.
“Yes!” They high five each other and went on a hunt to find someone for me to kiss. It took them over ten minutes since he had to be cute, but boy were they excited.
“There’s four guys for you to choose from, they’re all hot.” She pointed to a group of extremely tall boys. There was one with black hair, blonde hair, one with a cute little bun, and the last one had a blonde patch in his hair.
“But it looks like they’re recording something, I’m not just gonna-”
“I’ll take you to Chipotle right after.”
“Oh its on.” My whole attitude changed once I heard Chipotle. I decided to go with the one with the blonde patch because he was just a tad bit more cuter than the rest in my opinion, but they’re all pretty hot. The girls took out their phones and I calmed myself by taking deep breaths.
“Just do it already, Katie!”
“I’m going!” I yelled back. I saw the bun guy pull out his phone and it looked as if he was recording the guys. I quickly ran up to him, standing on my tip toes and grabbing his face, crashing my lips onto his. He was shocked,but for some reason kissed back, his hands wrapping around my waist. We somehow ended up in a mini makeup sess and his hand went to grab my ass while my fingers played with the hair at the nape of his neck.
“What the fuck?” I heard one of his friends say while one of them wolf whistled. I was hesitant to pull away, his lips felt so perfect against mine, and they were oh so soft. I backed away from him and he looked down at me smirking and I felt my face get hot.
“Who are you?” Blondie asked and I looked back at my friends. Myra was doubled over in laughter and Julie was too shocked to do anything.
“I’m uhm…I’m Kaitlyn.” I said.
“Calum you know her?” Black haired guy asked and he shook his head no, not taking his eyes off of me.
“No, but I would love to get to know you. Can I have your number?”
“Uhh, yeah sure.” I said and we traded phones.“ I’m uh,sorry about this. My friends dared me to kisscam one of you and-” I tried to explain myself while I put my number in his phone.
“Dammit, I wish you picked me.” Blondie pouted and I giggled, my cheeks turning red.
“How about lunch at Chipotle around one tomorrow? I’ve been dying to try it.” He asked
“That sounds nice. Sure, text me later?”
“Definitely.” He kissed my cheek and I walked over to my friends who jumped on me, giving me hugs. I heard four laughs coming from the boys and I looked over only to have Calum bite his lip and wink at me. Maybe this kisscam thing wasn’t such a bad idea at all.
I ONLY HAVE ONE EXAM TOMORROW SO I FINISHED THIS OMG I’m actually so glad this is finished its been in my drafts for like ever ok
daddy!5sos imagines are the cutest ok
You stared at your iPad screen, watching as the FaceTime call tried to connect. A yawn escaped your lips, glancing at the time which read 3:27 AM you sighed, longing to see Michael’s face after him being on tour for so long. You had no idea where in the world he was at the time, possibly somewhere in Asia, but wherever he was you knew he was wide awake. The annoying ringer ending signaled the call had connected, and the second Michael’s face popped up your entire planned out speech on announcing your news vanished.
“Hi love!” Your husband greeted, a bright grin spread across his face.
“Hey babe.” You said tiredly, another yawn overcoming you.
A giggle emitted from Michael’s mouth. “You look so cute when you yawn. I miss you so much, Y/N.”
“I miss you too, Mikey.” You cooed, looking at him with tired eyes.
“Oh! Before I forget.. there’s this one mixed drink they make over here though, you would definitely love it. It reminded me of you especially. You gotta try it when I get home.” He told you excitedly.
You smiled at him and sighed. “It’d have to be after 7 months or so.”
He quirked an eyebrow at what you had said. “What do you mean 7 months? Why can’t you…” He trailed off, looking to the side in thought. You just sat there, chewing on your bottom lip and watching as his eyes widened and he gasped, looking back at you. “Wait, you’re joking.” He said, the widest smile crossing his face.
“Nope. Mikey, I’m pregnant.” You said, tears pricking at your eyes as you watching your platinum haired husband nearly drop his phone.
“I’m gonna be a dad?!” He asked breathlessly. You nodded, bringing your hand up to your mouth as you watched him smile even larger. “GUYS I’M GONNA BE A DAD!” He shouted, and you immediately heard the other 3 guys in the background congratulate him. “Oh my god, I wish I could hug you so tightly right now, Y/N. This is just…it makes me so happy. When does it, y’know, come out, or whatever?”
You giggled at how he stumbled over his words, and also how you heard Ashton mock Michael, telling him 9 months is how long someone is pregnant for. “Actually 7 months, since you all left for tour 2 months ago.”
“See, and you said trying right before I left would be a stupid idea.” Michael teased.
“Well, from the looks of your schedule you’re going to still be touring during the due date…” You told him.
“Fuck touring, I’m not going to miss the birth of my first child.” He said determinedly. “I don’t want to miss a thing, and I’m not going to.”
“The arenas are already booked, Mike.” Calum said, and Michael frowned.
“I don’t care.”
You shook your head, another yawn escaping. “You do your job, Michael. Don’t let me get in the way.”
“Y/N, you know there’s no way I’m going to miss this. And you know I’ll do whatever it takes to be there.”
You smiled at your husband, marveling at how happy he still looked from the news. Nodding your head, you ran a hand through your hair. “Whatever you say Mikey.” You yawned once more, and Michael chuckled.
“You need sleep.”
“I need you here.”
“I know, baby. I’ll be home soon. Now please get some rest, it’s not healthy for the baby if you’re up at 3 in the fucking morning.”
You laughed. “Hey, don’t swear. The baby will hear you.”
“Fuck off, Y/N.” He joked. “Now go to bed.”
“Fine, I love you.” You said, blowing a kiss to him.
“I love you and our baby more.” He said, pretending to catch the kiss before the call ended.
With your feet swung up on the couch and Orange is the New Black on, you checked your phone to see if your friend was almost to your house. She picked up some Chipotle for you, and was going to hang out with you like she usually does, now that Michael is still on tour and you’re left on your own. It’s nice to have her around most days.
Right as you clicked the home button on your phone, there was a knock on your apartment door. You pushed yourself off of the couch, feeling your baby boy kick around in your 8 month pregnant stomach.
“Hey bud,” You mumbled, resting a hand on the bump and walking towards the door. No more than 6 steps towards the door and you felt a sharp pain in your lower abdomen, causing you to groan out loudly in pain.
“Y/N? Everything okay in there?” Your friend called from the other side of the door.
You stood there, both hands clutching your baby bump as you felt wetness rush down your legs after another pain ran throughout your stomach. “Y/F/N, I think my water just broke.” You called to her.
“Can you get to the door?”
You made it to the door and opened it, and immediately your friend grabbed your hand. “We’re gonna get to my car and I’m going to drive you to the hospital, okay? You think you can walk just outside?”
“What about the Chipotle?”
“You can eat it later. Can you walk to the car?”
“Yeah, I’ll be fine.”
10 minutes later and you were at the hospital, sitting in a bed with your friend across the room, pacing back and forth and biting her nails nervously.
“Have you called Michael yet?” You questioned after one of the doctors left for a second.
She shook her head. “I didn’t know if you wanted to or not.”
“I do. Can I see your phone?”
Taking her phone in your hand, you quickly dialed Michael’s number, and knowing it was almost midnight where he was, you prayed he answered the phone. After 3 rings, he finally picked up.
“Y/F/N?” He asked, sounding extremely confused.
“Mikey? It’s me, Y/N.” You told him, your eyes trained on your friend as she gave you an encouraging thumbs up.
“Y/N? Why are you calling from Y/F/N’s phone? Is everything okay? How’s our baby?” He bombarded you with questions, his voice growing more and more concerned.
“Everything’s okay with the baby, it’s just that…I’m kind of in labor. Right now.”
“WHAT” He nearly shouted. “Guys, Y/N’s in labor right now, oh my god I’m freaking out.” His voice was distant as he spoke to his friends. “Babe, I promise I’m going to get there as soon as possible. Just…try to hold him in.”
You groaned as you felt another contraction over come you, your hand loosening it’s grip on the phone and your friend taking it from you, allowing you to clutch her hand tightly.
“Michael, just try and get here as quick as you can.” Your friend told him.
“I’m doing everything I can, Y/F/N.” He told her. “I’ll be on the first flight out.”
“Is that even possible?” Ashton asked.
“I’m going to make it possible.” Michael affirmed. “I’ll see you two soon. Make sure Y/N knows I love her.”
“Michael says he loves you.” Your friend relayed to you.
You let out a tired scoff. “No shit.”
The next 6 hours were filled with a lot of painful contractions, and an even more painful delivery. But, thanks to your friend being your rock for the time being, you delivered a healthy baby boy.
“Hey baby.” You cooed to the little human resting in your arms. “I’m your mommy. And I love you so much, okay?” You placed a sweet kiss on his forehead, looking up at your friend who was teary eyed just like you. “Could you call Michael or someone and see where he is?”
“Of course.” You friend replied, stepping out of the room to call.
“Your daddy loves you too, he’s just running a little late because of his job.” You told the now sleeping baby. “He’s a famous rockstar, and when he found out you were a boy, he was so happy that he would have a mini rockstar son. Not that a girl can’t be a rockstar either, but he’s so glad to have a son. And I am too.”
You held the child in your arms tightly, tears of joy escaping your eyes. Due to the amount of exhaustion put on yourself, you fell into a deep sleep with your baby in your arms, a cute little beanie adorning his bald head.
When you woke, you expected to feel your child in your arms, but he wasn’t there. You blinked your eyes rapidly, senses heightened when you realized he wasn’t in your arms, but you breathed a sigh of relief when you noticed a bright blue head of hair sitting in the chair next to you, the baby in his safe arms instead.
“Mikey,” You whispered, tears forming in your eyes as your husband looked up at you, the biggest grin spread across his face.
“Look, bud, Sleeping Beauty has awoken from her deep slumber. Except it’s supposed to be from true love’s kiss…” He spoke to your son, leaning up and placing a chaste kiss against your lips. “Hey beautiful.”
“Hi babe.” You said, yawning quietly.
“Still as cute as ever when you yawn.” He complimented, stretching his arms out. “Wanna hold the cutest baby ever?”
You smiled greatly as your took your son back into your arms, Michael’s hand pushing stray hairs out of your face. “I got here as quickly as possible.” He told you. “I’m still pissed that I missed him being born.”
“It’s okay, you didn’t know he was gonna come early.” You reasoned with him, looking down at your baby and smiling. “He’s so adorable.”
“That’s what my mom said.” He said. “She’s still outside if you wanna see her.”
You shook your head. “I’ll see her later. Right now I just wanna be with my family. My beautiful, beautiful family.” Looking up at Michael, your lips connected once more into a quick kiss, yet full of passion and love.
When he pulled away, he looked down at the sleeping boy. “Y’know, he kind of needs a name.”
“Shit, you’re right.” You said, thinking about the list of names you had thought of over the past couple months. “Y’know, I kind of like the name Matthew.”
Michael nodded his head. “I like that name too. Oh! Then we can call him Matty for short.”
“That’s so cute.” You said, looking back down at your boy. “Welcome to the family, Matty.”
“Guess what, Matty? Your daddy’s coming home from tour today!” You cheered, picking up the 3 year old and propping him on your hip.
He clapped his hands together, smiling brightly. “When is daddy getting home?”
“I think during dinner time, bud. Just a few more hours.”
“How many episodes of Pokemon is that?”
You laughed at how early on Michael seemed to get Matty hooked on the cartoon. “About 4. You want me to put it on and I’ll make some dinner?”
“Yeah!” He said, trying to pry your arms off of him. You set him down on the ground as watched as he scurried to the living room, using his tiny little arms to get on top of the couch and nuzzle into the pillows. Grabbing the remote, you turned the show on, and you couldn’t help but watch the first few seconds of it before remembering how many nights you and Michael had spent cuddled in bed watching this at 2 AM.
You looked back at the kitchen, before making up your mind. “How about we just order some pizza for dinner, Matty?”
“Yay! Pizza!” Yep. This was definitely Michael’s son.
You sat on the couch next to your son, putting your arm around him. He shifted so that he used your stomach as a pillow, and once the two of you got comfortable, you let all of your attention go to the mindless children’s show. And before you knew it, you were fast asleep.
“Mommy?” Matty asked after an hour or two of watching the show. “Mommy, someone’s at the door.” He said, tapping your stomach. He looked over to the door, which a fumbling noise was coming from, and he grew scared. “Mommy, there’s a weird noise!” He screeched, which woke you up immediately
“What? What’s wrong? Matty?” You asked, looking around.
He pointed to the door. “Someone’s there.”
You got up curiously to go see who it was, hearing a familiar voice on the other side, cursing “fucking keys” to himself. You just laughed and shook your head. When the door flew open, Michael was standing on the other side, and at the sight of you, he dropped his bags by his side. “Hello family.”
Your hands flung to your mouth as you ran towards him, his arms winding around your waist as he hugged you tightly. He quickly pecked your lips. “I’ve missed you.”
“I’ve missed you so much.” You said, hugging him even tighter.
Little Matty came running. “Daddy!” He yelled, latching on to Michael’s leg.
Michael let go of you so he could bend down and pick his son up, peppering his face with kisses. “Daddy’s missed you.” He said.
“I missed you more, Daddy.” He replied, putting his small hands on either side of his dad’s face and playing with his cheeks.
“I don’t think that’s possible.” He said, setting the child down. “My, have you grown since I’ve last seen you.”
“You’re still gigantic.” Matty said, tilting his head to look at Michael’s 6′ stature.
Michael laughed. “When did you learn to say a big word like gigantic?”
“Matty’s started reading little things while you’ve been away.” You told Michael. “Haven’t you, bud?”
Matty nodded proudly. “I like reading.”
“Well, the only reading I like to do is reading music.” Michael mused, grabbing his bags and stepping further into the house. “I’ve missed home.”
“I’m sure you have.” You said. “I’m sorry for not making dinner; I thought we could just order a pizza or something.”
“Don’t be sorry, babe. I’m always up for pizza.”
Dinner was filled with many of Michael’s tour stories, a lot filled with Uncle Luke, and Matty always loved hearing about his father’s exciting job. He asked Michael if he could go on tour with him one day, and Michael agreed, but when only Matty was a little older.
When Matty was put in bed, showered and all, you crawled into your own bed followed immediately by Michael. You reached over to grab the book you were currently in the middle of off of your nightstand, opening to where you left off. Putting you glasses on to read, Michael leaned over and grabbed the book out of your hand.
“Can we talk a second?” He asked, putting the book down.
You pushed your glasses to rest on top of your head. “Of course, Mike. What’s up?”
“It’s just….I feel like Matty’s growing up way too fast and I’m missing all of it. He went from being a baby to charging around the house and speaking fluent sentences? I feel like I missed so much.”
You shrugged your shoulders. “I guess you have, just from being on tour. But it’s your job, Mikey. Your dream. This is all you wanted in life.”
“Yeah, but having my own family, someone to come home to and to watch my kids grow up, teaching my son how to play video games and all that, that is my dream.” He told you. “And now, I’m living it, but I feel like everything is just slipping between my fingertips. I told you I didn’t want to miss a thing when you told me you were pregnant with Matty, and I ended up missing the most important part, his birth.”
“So what are you going to do about it, Michael? We need an income so we can pay the bills, and Matty’s starting preschool in a little over a year, and–”
“What if I took a break from the band and settled down?”
You looked down at your hands in your lap and shrugged again. “I mean I guess that would help since you’d be around some.”
“It’d be good for all of us. Luke’s getting married in a month or so, Ashton’s wife is pregnant again and he’s been missing his kids just like I have. If we all just took a break and slowed things down some, maybe stopped touring around the world for like a solid 3 years, we could actually get on with our personal lives. I mean for Christ’s sake, we’ve been doing the whole band thing for the past 10 years of my life, it’s like I haven’t had any family time.”
“If that’s what you want to do…”
“It’s what I need to do, Y/N. I need to be with you and less with the guys.” He told you, taking your hands in his. His thumbs rubbed over your knuckles. “I’m so fucking happy that we have a little family, such a perfect little family, and I shouldn’t be neglecting it.”
He leaned closer to you, pressing his lips to your jawline and dotting kisses all along it. “Maybe I could actually be there to see our next baby be born.”
“Next baby?” You questioned, closing your eyes and wrapping your arms around his neck, bringing him closer to you.
He brought his face right in front of yours, his lips ghosting over your plump ones. “Mhm. Come on, babe. Give me another chance to be here for our next baby.”
You nodded, crashing your lips onto his into a heated kiss. “Alright. We’ve got some lost time to make up for…”
After years of resistance, Chipotle is testing a queso menu addition
We went to a Chipotle test kitchen in NYC to try its new queso dip. Chipotle resisted having queso on its menu because it tends to be processed. However, the restaurant has now come up with an all natural alternative.
If a trial run in the chain’s public test kitchen in New York City goes well, the cheesy Tex-Mex favorite could soon be served at locations across the US in about a month, Chipotle Chief Marketing Officer Mark Crumpacker told USA Today on Tuesday.