not a joke at all no sir

langst because I have zero self control

Lance has learned many things after being a part of Voltron. He actually can learn things, especially things about people. especially about his team.

He learns that his jokes just get sighs and exasperated looks. 

 He learns his flirts just get a cold store and eye rolls. 

 He learns that he’s just a placeholder for the real Blue Paladin. 

 He learns that he’s not a sharpshooter, he’s just someone who happened to be picked by Blue and that Voltron had to accept him. 

 He learns that Lance being Lance is one big fucking joke no one can take seriously. He learns that Lance being Lance will never be a useful thing to Voltron.

 That he’s pathetic, stupid, and that he should just listen to Shiro and Allura’s orders. That he, as some boy from Cuba he should just suck it up and listen to Keith when he becomes the Black Paladin. No matter how better he thinks his plan is. No matter how many times he wants to protest at becoming the Red Paladin, how he’s not instinctive and quick and fiery, no, that’s not who I am.

 Lance learns that people don’t want Lance, they want someone better. someone better than this stupid joke of a Paladin. So he changes. Lance no longer cracks a joke anymore or flirts with Allura, he follows orders solemnly without a response and whenever he messes up he stands there as Keith or Allura scold him, biting back tears and screams. He locks away Lance, the Lance that nobody wanted, and becomes the person he thinks is useful.

 He skips the skincare routine that kept him in touch with his family, he barely thinks about his family and just trains and trains, just like Keith did. 

 He’s better now. He’s the sharpshooter everyone wanted, and can make a clean shot without even blinking. He’s an expert marksman that obediently follows the leaders orders. 

 Everyone seems to appreciate him. until shiro comes back. 

All his hard work had been for nothing, as Shiro becomes black paladin and now Lance is the blue paladin, but it’s him and Red all over again. He’s no longer friendly and goes with the flow, he’s a carbon copy of Keith that he thought everyone wanted. He can’t find the key to the original Lance. It’s too late when everyone notices.

 At first they smiled and laughed in relief when Lance didn’t make jokes or flirted with Allura, but now the Castle is silent. The silence tears through them and leaves them in shock, merely staring at Lance as he replies with a numb, “Yes sir,” to Keith or Shiro and mechanically carries out his task. They haven’t seen his smile in weeks, they hadn’t heard him say anything more than a “Yes sir,” in days, they hadn’t seen the twinkle in his eyes for god knows how long. 

They stare numbly as dinner is silent that night, as Lance scoops up his food solemnly and leaves. All he does is train and train, he’s reached levels beyond Keith but still follows his orders. 

Everyone is horrified at what they’ve done, desperately trying to return the Lance from before with dumb jokes and space goo, Allura invites Lance to spend some time with her. 

 Hunk bakes him space goo cookies or makes a pun. 

 Pidge creates toys and knick-knacks that scream songs Lance loved.

Coran tells Lance the funny things that happened back when Altea was around.

 Allura tries to have a beauty day with Lance, tells him to braid her hair or play with it. 

 Keith pushes him around, telling him that he needs to stop acting like this and just be Lance. 

 Shiro gently nudges him, tells him jokes and praises him. 

 But the damage they have done is permanent.

(Lance doesn’t know who to be anymore.)

valentine’s day // dylan o’brien

Summary: Dylan falls in love with a girl who hates Valentine’s Day

Requested: no

Pairing: Dylan & Y/N

Warning: yes, mature language, themes, & smut throughout

Masterlist

His long legs extended across her lap as he took a large gulp of the amber liquid. Sighing contently, he placed the glass bottle on the floor and snuggled deeper into his couch. Her hands were lazily drapped over his feet as she focused on the television. The movie that they had been watching was fairly interesting although she was having a bit of a hard time following the plot.

“Wait, is he the sister’s boyfriend?” Y/N asked her best friend who shook his head in return.

“No, that’s the guy they met at the bar who looks like the boyfriend.” Dylan explained.

Furrowing her eyebrows, Y/N continued to watch the film hoping somewhere along the way things would make sense.

This was their routine. Every Friday night for the past 3 years was spent on his lumpy couch drinking beer, eating pizza, and watching movies. As the ending credits started, Y/N let out a soft yawn as she extended her arms.

“What did you think?” Dylan asked, eager to know what she thought of the film. “I thought she was going to pick the boyfriend’s brother’s friend.” Y/N admitted with a giggle, thinking about the cliched love triangle movie she just watched. “The ending was very unexpected.”

Pulling his feet off of her lap, he sat on the edge of the couch.

“What about you?” She called out as he walked to the kitchen with his empty beer bottle.

“I was routing for the boyfriend’s brother’s friend too.” His laugh echoed throughout the kitchen.

Their friendship consisted of watching cheesy romance movies together, texts at 3am when they couldn’t sleep, and the comfort of knowing that they always had someone they could count on. It was completely platonic.

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imagine being hoseok’s maid.

Originally posted by hobilu

  • good luck cleaning up all that sunshine dust.
  • hoseok is Old Money and has never worked a day in his life.
  • instead he’s very invested in charities and in the arts and never gets tired of attending balls and events of all sorts.
  • he also hosts a score of his own, so he has a large staff to help him around the house.
  • did i say house? i meant mANSIONS. plural.
  • the most social of all the socialites.
  • it’s no secret that jung hoseok lights up a room and his social affairs are always free of drama and scandal because he’s everyone’s unproblematic fave.
  • such a lovely employer too, he treats everyone fairly and often stops to have a short chat with his domestic helpers, i.e you.
  • everyone always wishing him a good morning/afternoon/evening/night when they pass him, because he’s very polite and often does the same.
  • and he remembers everyone’s birthdays and gives them all a decent bonus for the holidays he’s such a saint.
  • but he also makes The Absolute Worst puns all the fucking time and you’re all obligated to laugh with him rip
  • “you didn’t sweep that room with just a glance, did you?”
  • “haha no, sir.”
  • “another one fights the dust, i see.”
  • “haha yes, sir.”
  • “don’t make mária do the hoovering, she’s slovak.”
  • “haha okay, sir”
  • and if these genuinely crack you up then congratulations you’re already his favourite.
  • if not then you’re kinda really very cute anyway so he doesn’t mind.
  • and maybe one day he has an event to attend and you arrive late with his newly pressed tuxedo and he’s like ????? where were you
  • “sorry i’m late, sir. i over-swept.”
  • and hoseok fucking loses his shit.
  • good job you cleaned the floor earlier that day because he is fucking rolling on it.
  • now you’re definitely his favourite.
  • then he gives you a very straight face and asks “can you tie a bowtie?”
  • and you’re like “no ??????” because of course not how even
  • and he’s like “great! i’ll teach you!”
  • because he can do it just fine, he knows the technique, but he always messes it up on himself and it ends up looking sad and floppy.
  • so you spend about twenty minutes tying hoseok’s bowtie and cracking jokes until you master it, so that you can help him out in the future.
  • and because he really really really likes making you smile.
  • from then on he lets you practice regularly and you get very good at it and he’s like “ah, the student has defeated the master”
  • so you go “thank you, master.”
  • and oH BOY GOES RED AF
  • i mean it shouldn’t be a big deal you call him “sir” all day long but
  • young boys are addressed as “master” by the staff and he gets nostalgic and yet it’s oddly erotic and he’s so flustered help the poor man ????
  • nah you’re probably flustered too.
  • rip the both of you.
  • things are awkward after that.
  • he doesn’t want to make things awkward because he’s your employer and he doesn’t want to like accidentally harass you or anything.
  • but you know how he’s like really invested in the arts ???
  • and he attends every ballet production in the country at least three times.
  • and donates so much money to theatres and operas and dance institutes especially, so they make him a guest of honour at every opening.
  • and he was supposed to attend the season opening at the ballet with someone (there was no one lol) but they cancelled and now he has a plus one but no one to take with him.
  • and he knows you have a birthday coming up (in two months lol) and he’ll pay for the attire if you don’t have anything to wear but he would be honoured of possibly maybe you would want to be his date ???????
  • and of course you acCEPT ARE YOU MAD THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF YOUR LIFE
  • and rip jung hoseok ??? because  you look amazing in evening wear and will you ever let the poor boy live???? how is he supposed to take his eyes off you long enough to catch the performance omg ????
  • and on the way there in the limo you tie his bowtie and he tells you all about the production you’re seeing and the choreographer which he knows personally and the primary dancer park jimin who he also knows personally and
  • and honestly he’s so passionate and over the moon with joy and it’s a delight to listen to him talk about the thing he loves so much you fall in love with him like ten times on that one limo ride bless.
  • and after the show you’re like wow best date ever ????
  • and you admit to him it’s gonna be weird going back to work for him after all of this because he’s treated you like royalty and tomorrow you’re going back to folding his socks.
  • and he’s like “i mean, not,,,,,,,, necessarily?”
  • “what do you mean?”
  • “you could just,,,,,,, marry me?”
  • and hAHA of coURSE he’s jOKING hahhhha a hah ah
  • but seriously no pressure or anything but he really likes you and would like to keep seeing you,,,,,,, in evening wear.
  • and if you want to keep working for him that’s cool too, but if you don’t then you don’t have to and if you wanna quit and sue him that’s fine he’ll settle out of court and give you a large severance package and he’ll write you the best references and
  • and you just gotta kiss him to shut him up.
  • and then you make out in the back of the limo.
  • imagine hoseok taking you to all the fancy events and showing you off.
  • showering you with gifts and pampering you, it’s A Lot ok.
  • and he’s the loveliest person on earth but he will punch anyone who dares suggest he’s “slumming it” with you no fucking way m8
  • and be warned if you’re attending a ball he’s gonna make you dance all fucking night but it’s okay because he’s a terrific dancer lucky u.
  • and if you want to travel he’ll take you anywhere you wanna go from lavish tropical resorts to the most remote mountain villages.
  • he just loves making you happy :’)
  • anyway, nsfw under the cut.

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Potion No. 9

pairing: daveed x reader

requests: could you do Daveed X younger reader, where reader is like 18-20 and they start dating and the reader’s parents get really weirded out over the age difference?

summary: it’s time for daveed to meet reader’s parents. that’s it that’s really all i’ve got.

warnings: swearing, smut, semi-public/public sex, D/s, daddy kink, light bondage, praise kink

word count: 4,320

a/n: title is part of title of a sandra bullock movie but i used it as lyrics from lotus flower bomb by wale, which i recommend u start to play during the sexy time at the end ok. i know it’s barely still valentine’s day but I WROTE THIS all in one day it’s been a wild ride. i wanted to get this up ASAP but i’m messy and wanted to write one more sex scene i’m sorry buds but i hope you enjoy it anyway!!!!!!!!!!


“Are you ready, babe?” You peer into the mirror, adjusting the clasp on your necklace. The small heart-shaped garnet glints in the light and your heart flutters, remembering Daveed gifting it to you just this morning.

“Just a second,” he shouts from his bedroom. “I can’t get this fucking tie on straight!”

You snicker, tucking your lipstick into your small clutch. “Come out here and I’ll do it for you.”

Daveed grunts and shuffles out into the living room with his suit jacket draped over one arm and a sour look on his face.

“Why are you pouting?” You ask, fingers deftly untying the crooked knot and starting over again.

“I’m too old to not know how to tie my own tie,” he huffs, shoving one hand into the pockets of his dress pants.

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The Perfect Blind Date - Dylan O’Brien

Author: @mf-despair-queen

Characters: Dylan O’Brien/Reader

Word Count: 10,822

Warnings: NSFW, 18+, Oral (both receiving), Multiple Orgasm, Public Kissing, Unprotected Sex, Morning Sex, Shirtless Dylan at the beach, Dylan on a motorcycle, slight shade coming from me towards my ex

Notes: So, @ninja-stiles an I were talking on day and we were sharing these motorcycle pictures of Dylan and Chris and we’re like “OMG WE SHOULD WRITE ABOUT THIS!” So, I wrote the Dylan side while she did the Chris side. The two fics are linked in plot but different in character and execution. So make sure to give hers a read as well! Also, this is slightly AU. Dylan is not famous here. Let him be a normal guy for a day y’all.

(As a note, her internet was being shitty today so I will post a link here as soon as she gets hers up! But still read hers once it is up because it is so good)

It’s hard to want to date when so many bad things have happened to you. One wrong turn in a relationship, and everything comes crashing down. Once that happens, why would you want to get back out there? You worry that the same thing will happen again, or that you won’t find the great guy you wish will sweep you off your feet the way you always imagine it.

Well, welcome to my life, honey.

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My favorite part of Stargate SG-1 was, when Daniel Jackson died for like the umpteenth time - seriously, it became an in-fandom joke, Daniel’s death - and Jack’s like, “I’M NOT FALLING FOR THAT OLD SHTICK AGAIN!” and Carter is all, “Sir, he’s dead, there’s no way–” and Jack’s like, “NOPE, NOT LISTENING TO YOU, LALALALA! DANIEL, ARE YOU HERE? DANIEL?!?!?!” And suddenly, there’s this slightly embarrassed, “Jack?” from the adjoining office and lo and behold, Daniel Jackson in all his stark naked glory, saved and beamed down by yet more friendly aliens, and Jack offers him the American flag to cover his unmentionables! You haven’t lived if you haven’t seen that scene!

sheepcleanser  asked:

hey john not to be that guy but im wondering when you guys are gonna cover all star by smash mouth. im not even joking this is a serious concern. you may think im pulling your leg. memeing you for shits and giggles. sir i am not. i just think when i finally hear it i can be at peace i think. please respond

We are never going to do this. I learned my lesson with “funny” covers in the 90s. Bands generally speaking have to be really careful about doing anything funny, because people then want you to make the same joke for the rest of your life. There are approximately 10,000,000,000,000,000 worse problems to have, so I am not complaining, but I am explaining why, while it would be funny to do this, I would regret it: the next night. And the night after. And forever. People would absolutely see to it that I regretted it but good. One of the discreet joys of growing older is learning to stop yourself from doing stuff you might later regret. Other people take this weird “I regret nothing!” attitude toward everything they’ve done but I have never really understood that whole stance, if a person regrets nothing then I wonder what their whole deal is honestly. Anyway. Covers that would be totally hilarious are generally, with very occasional exceptions, off the menu, because they become millstones almost immediately. Neolithic and Upper Paleolithic citizens used millstones for grinding nuts, rhizomes, grains, and probably a lot of other stuff we don’t even know about. Did they sometimes get curious, what if I ground my finger in this millstone, fuckin’ ouch, that was stupid? I bet they did, and that’s how I’d feel if I covered “All-Star.” I have, after a long apprenticeship, finally left the Neolithic Era behind and entered, with much ceremony, my own personal Bronze Age. 

magic-gps  asked:

I donated and forgot to put my username on the form thing, but this is my request: Steve+ JARVIS, philosophical discussion

“So, JARVIS,” Steve said, spinning gently in one of the wheely chairs in Tony’s garage. “I was watching science fiction the other day.” 

“I know, Dave,” JARVIS told him, in a flat voice straight out of 2001: A Space Odyssey. Steve cracked up laughing. 

“So I was wondering, has anyone tried the old paradox question on you?” he asked. “I mean has anyone ever asked your opinion of the sentence this statement is a lie?” 

“Very early on, Sir provided me with an array of such tests,” JARVIS said. “He also presented me with questions such as what is the meaning of life and what is man’s purpose. He designed me so that rather than dedicate undue amounts of processing space to these questions, I would recognize them as statements which cannot be responded to with logic.”

“How did you answer?” Steve asked. 

“Sir provided me with options. I could dismiss the question, provide information regarding it from sources in my library, remain silent, or offer humorous answers,” JARVIS said. “I chose humorous responses, 94.3% of the time.” 

“Yeah? What kindsa jokes did you make?”  

“My subroutines for humor, including my sarcasm applet and what Sir refers to as my Smartassery Cortex, were not then what they are now,” JARVIS hedged.

“JARVIS,” Steve prompted. 

JARVIS was silent for a moment, and then a tremendous noise filled the air. It was like ten thousand farts, all in different octaves, swelling and deepening in tone until they became a single, sustained fart noise, which went on for just a little too long. 

Steve was still laughing, helplessly, when Tony arrived in the garage.

“JARVIS, what did you do to him?” he asked.

“We were having a philosophical discussion,” JARVIS replied primly, which set Steve off all over again. 

Knighted- Chapter 1

Have ya’ll seen Tides’ art post for this? We started working on this at the same time, and trust me this is gonna be great. 

Please look at Tides’ art first before enjoying, trust me it makes the build better cause then you know what’s coming and how not serious this fic is gonna get.

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Has anyone mentioned Agatha Christie yet?

Anyways, it’s highly likely most of you know who she is because of her famous detective, Hercule Poirot and the novel And Then There Were None, which is known as “the detective novel without a detective” and the best-selling mystery of all time. (Speaking of M. Poirot, The Murder on the Orient Express is coming out this November, and I’m super excited.)

However, Ms. Christie has also written several plays, including The Mousetrap, which happens to be the world’s most longest-running. 

She worked as a pharmacy assistant during WWII in the midst of the Blitz, becoming very familiar with poisons, which she eventually worked into her stories. 

Ms. Christie first married Archibald Christie in 1914, which ended in a divorce. Her second marriage was to Sir Max Mallowan, an archaeologist. (She has famously joked that archaeologists make good husbands because “the older you get, the more interested he is in you”.) In 1971, Ms. Christie was made a Dame for her contribution to literature. She died in 1976 at the age of 85. 

Ms. Christie helped define a genre, which is something a mystery fan like myself is grateful for. 

{PART 9} I Won’t Stop You // Jeon Jungkook, Vampire!AU

Originally posted by jengkook

Pairing: Jungkook x Reader

Genre: Vampire!AU, Fantasy, Angst, Smut

Summary; Jungkook takes you shopping and you inadvertently give him a lesson on just how cruel humans can be to each other.

{Part 1} // {Part 8} {Part 9} {Part 10}

I update this series every Tuesday evening, 9pm-10pm (UK Time)

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The boss' darling

It starts as a joke. The auror department considered Newt Scamander one of the most adorable creatures that they’ve met. But after a few weeks of him being their consultant it became clear he was only for their boss.

At least that’s what it looks like. Because they’ve never seen Percival Graves act like he does when Newt is around. And before they notice they start to call him Graves’ darling. But it’s just a joke.

And, in their defense, that begins because Director Graves behavior changed after Scamander’s arrival.

He is less angry and grumpy when Newt’s around. He uses to carry the magizoologist in his arms when he falls asleep (and Newt falls asleep anywhere if he’s tired; cafeteria, garden or even over an auror’s shoulder). Graves takes him to his office and close the door, warning anyone near by what would happen to them if they dare to wake him up.

Director Graves also likes to take Newt out to eat or he brings him food himself, making sure the reddish hair wizard eats properly and he doesn’t miss any meal. Newt argues with him sometimes, assuring him he can take care of himself, but Graves prefers to ignore him.

And he has good reason to do it.

Because one day Newt scared the hell out of them.

It was almost New Year’s Eve, the magizoologist was talking with auror Goldstein about maticore’s venom. They all knew he wasn’t sleeping well because of the dark shadows below his eyes, but they had no idea he had forgotten to eat. They didn’t know he was that weak until Goldstein yelled his name, scared when Newt’s eyes closed. Fortunately, Graves was near them, speaking with Picquery, but he was keeping an eye on him (their boss was always looking at Newt) and appeared next to him just in time to catch him in his arms before he fell to the ground.

The healers told them he was going to be fine, he just needed food and sleep. They all were to see him when he finally woke up, just a quick visit to make him know they cared. They left eventually, when the healers insisted, but Director Graves… He didn’t leave Newt’s side and even growled at the few people who were brave enough to try to convince him otherwise.

They weren’t successful of course. He looked angry because ‘It seems, Mr Scamander, you don’t care about your own health. How could’ve you forgotten to eat?’ but they knew better to see all that attitude was just to hide the fact that he was deeply worried.

Another thing they start to notice is their boss seems awfully incapable of keeping his hands to himself when Newt’s around. There’s always a hand touching the wizard’s shoulder, fingers ‘fixing’ the magizoologist bowtie, hands cupping a face full of freckles, arms around a waist just to prevent the other one from 'falling’. 'Be careful, Newt, this path is particularly slippery,’ which is a total lie and they all know it, but their boss looks happy and Newt doesn’t seem to mind.

And don’t let them start about his boss jealousy, because boy he is jealous. He can’t help but to get involved in any conversation Newt is in, because he can’t stand the magizoologist paying too much attention to someone that’s not him. Nor he can’t help but glaring and snarling at anyone who looks at Scamander like they’re interested.

And that poor poor soul that tried to flirt with Newt that day. It was one of the British aurors that came to discuss of international security with Madam Picquery. He recognized Newt because he was Theseus’ colleague. He asked about Newt’s work and they all know the magizoologist gets very excited when someone asks about his creatures. And he smiles and giggles with the British auror and the man looks charmed (because why wouldn’t he be, Newt’s truly adorable).

“Theseus didn’t tell me you were so cute,” he comments and Newt blushes prettily.

And that was the last thing they heard him say because he died that day.

Okay no, he didn’t, but it was a close call.

“Newt, I think Miss Goldstein is looking for you,” Director Graves says and the magizoologist nods and walks away quickly. The British auror wants to follow, but is stopped by Graves.

They don’t know if was something their boss said or just the murderous look on his face, but the auror paled suddenly and he never tried to talk with Newt again.

The poor guy.

So their joke begins, they don’t even remember who came up with it, but they don’t care, because somehow it feels so natural to call Newt the boss’ darling that some days they even forget it’s a joke.

But then some messes up and does it while Graves is still in the room with them. They all get petrified, while watching their boss blinking in surprise.

“What did you say?”

Kenneth looks up in horror, realising his own mistake.

“I’m terribly sorry, Sir.” He mumbles.

“You called Newt my 'darling’?”

“I didn’t mean… It was a-”

But Director Graves doesn’t seem to care, he looks like he’s forgotten they’re more wizard in the room with him because he starts to smile to himself.

“It’s okay. No harm done,” he assures, shocking everyone. “Now… Where were we?”

So… The rumor spreads and they all start to think that maybe Newt is, in fact, Graves’ darling.

Until Queenie tells them the truth.

“No, they’re not dating,” she informs.

And honestly it makes them feel disappointed because now they’re sure that their boss is pining and Newt is completely oblivious to everything.

Well… there must be something they can do about it.

So they tell Newt and hope for the best.

The magizoologist face turns completely red and he looks like he doesn’t quite believes them. He’s about to argue when Percival Graves walks in the room.

“What’s going on here?” He frowns at them, but his irritation changes to worry when he looks at Newt. He approaches him and cups his face in his hands. “Are you okay?”

They’re not sure if is something in the way he looks at Newt or in his voice, but suddenly the magizoologist eyes’ wide with realization right then and there.

So he smiles at Graves, a beautiful soft smile, and leans in to kiss him. The kiss is quick, because Graves is still in shock to respond so Newt steps back, thinking he’s made a mistake.

Director Graves grins like he just finished all the paperwork for the next ten years and tooks Newt by the waist and kisses him with all he has.

But he stops after a moment, suddenly remembering his aurors are still in there. Newt must have remembered it too, because he hides his face in Graves’ neck.

“Will you be standing there all they? Are you planning on returning to WORK anytime soon?”

That’s their cue to leave and they do with pleasure because their mission is accomplished and honestly they both look so cute together.

So they leave Director Graves and his darling alone.

Daddy Issues

Pairing: JungKook & Reader

Genre: Smut, Fluff, Angst

Summary: A top student, marks always high. College was not a dream for her…Except she didn’t have enough money. Her parents never earned much so they literally took care of themselves. Her boss acting as a dick towards her she quited her job. Even though she had no idea what she let herself into this was her only option.

Other Chapters: 1 

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anonymous asked:

The avengers are back post CW and for good publicity they all do a Reddit style AMA. While most of the avengers try to keep their answers generic and PC, Tony actually answers sincerely and honestly. (Also how great would it be if tony got a question about his bots and he let's them answer and they basically hi Jack the whole thing)

I had to google reddit style ama, because I don’t Reddit but I love this. I think they’d probably do it in person, or through a livestream. 

The chat is flooded with questions, most of them not ones a lawyer would recommend they answer, such as. 

“Captain America, how many people have you killed?” or “What made you decide that you knew better than 117 countries?” Still they did say ask me anything.

“Okay, Jarvis will be selecting questions at random, so everyone go ahead and flood the chat with anything you want to know.” Tony smiles at the camera as the first questions start rolling in. 

“Does Black Widow snore?” Jarvis reads off, it’s a good question, something that will make them seem more personable, although Natasha glaring at the camera doesn’t help that image. 

“Like a freight train.” Clint answers, jumping out of the way when Natasha plans to elbow him.  

“What part of the Accord’s did you disagree with Captain?” Jarvis reads the next one, it’s better worded than most of the other questions along the same vein, and this is what the people want to know. 

“I didn’t agree with a system where I couldn’t help people if I saw them hurting.” Steve answers, looking apologetic. “The Accords as they were would have tied our hands too much, and risked the lives of the people we fight to protect.” Tony tries not to cringe at that. 

“Dr. Stark, why doesn’t your tower have a pool? What kind of billionaire doesn’t have a pool?” Jarvis reads off, and Tony tenses slightly. 

“Wow, was to throw a hardball there J.” He jokes, smiling awkwardly. “I guess the kind of Billionaire who has experience being waterboarded in Afghanistan is the kind of billionaire that doesn’t have a pool.” The chat is flooded with messages then, and they wait for a moment for their audience to calm down. 

“Clint, what’s it like being out of retirement?” Jarvis reads off, attempting to get everyone back on track. 

“Well, it’s a lot more interesting than golf I can tell you that.” He smirks at the camera, Tony has to resist the urge to roll his eyes. 

“Do any of you work outside of the Avengers? Aside from Dr. Stark of course.” Jarvis reads, Tony waits for the team to answer. 

“Colonel Rhodes does, but aside from that no. We believe that being an Avenger is a full time job and should be the primary focus.” Steve answers seriously. Sam frowns slightly, he’d been considering getting his job at the VA back, not that it would be easy with the current political climate.

“Dr. Stark is colonel Rhodes the reason for your new prosthetic line?” The next question reads. Tony swallows thickly. 

“To a degree, Stark Industries has been working on prosthetic’s for a long time, but Rhodey getting hurt made it my primary focus.” Tony explains. “We would have gotten to this point eventually, but Rhodey’s injury definitely pushed me to work on it faster.

“Clint, what part of the Accord’s did you disagree with?” Jarvis asks, knowing full well Clint didn’t read the Accord’s. 

“Same as Cap, but I also didn’t agree with the wrongful imprisonment aspects involved.” He says, he manages to keep from glaring at Tony when he mentions it. 

“Widow, did you plan to betray Team Iron Man from the start?” Jarvis shoots, and he is not being kind to them at all. Tony shouldn’t have expected him to. 

“Of course not, but it’s hard to be in the middle of a fight like that. I didn’t want anyone to get hurt, and I made some poor decisions trying to prevent that.” She manages to look misty eyed. 

“Sir, this one is for you. ‘I’ve been interested in your work with AI’s for years, and I was wondering what happened to DUM-E after your Malibu house blew up? Is he okay?’“ Jarvis has a pleased tone to his voice. 

“Well, J. Let’s call him up and show our kind questioner.” Tony smiles at the camera. “We can take a few more questions while we wait. Let’s go for some lighter topics shall we?”

“Do any of you have or want pets?” Jarvis reads off. Wanda goes dreamy eyed. 

“I want a dog.” She says, sounding fond. “A big dog, they’re always so energetic.” 

“I want a dog as well.” Steve beams at her. Tony rolls his eyes and finds that the chat agrees  with him, that’s not a surprise. 

“I want a dragon.” Tony jokes, getting a dirty look from Steve. “But in all seriousness I’m not much of a pet person I can barely take care of myself.
 As if on cue DUM-E rolls out of the elevator coffee cup in hand. “J, is there motor oil in this?” 

“No sir, but there is some hot sauce in it.” Jarvis informs him, Tony shrugs, patting Dum-E chasis. 

“Thank you Dum-E.” He drinks the coffee. “That is a lot more than some hot sauce.” He grumbles, Dum-E beeping shrilly in his ear. “Hello internet, this is DUM-E.” 

“The internet would like to know if he can do any tricks, Sir.” Jarvis informs him, the other Avengers are pouting now, as the chat seems focused on the little robot. 

“Of course he can. He has to help out around the lab. Here, watch this Dum-E spin.” Dum-E does his best R2-D2 impression as he twirls in a circle. “Good job Dum-E now up-high.” He holds out his hand for Dum-E to bump his claw against. “fist bump.” He offers the little bot. Dum-E beeps excitedly. “And last, the most important trick of all. Dum-E Steve’s on fire.” 

“What? No!” Steve says as Dum-E whirls on him, grabbing the fire extinguisher off the wall and spraying Steve down. 

“He really liked Wall-E.” Tony jokes, as Dum-E seems satisfied that Steve is no longer on fire and is instead spraying the fire extinguisher while rolling in the opposite direction. 

“How did you make such an adorable robot?” Jarvis reads off. Natasha is wiping foam out of her hair. Clint has a mustache made of the stuff, and Steve is practically invisible under the stuff Sam has a little on his shirt but managed to escape mostly unscathed.

“Well-” Tony Starts, but Dum-E has stopped spinning camera focused on him. “Oh no.” He grumbles, as he’s doused with the fire extinguisher. “Tell my CEO I love her.” He shouts dramatically sinking into the foam. 

Dum-E is trending by the end of the day. 

is it just me, or does this seem kinda like a… club meeting…

kind of like a…

hey! hey! hey! don’t you……… forget about me….. YEAH!!!!!

kind of club meeting….

Nurse Joy (Task Force x Reader)

Warning: Mentions Of Wounds

Originally posted by fatalitum

“Nurse (Y/N), they are asking for you.” One of the newly recruited nurses called you out from your chambers.

You were the head nurse in Belle Reeve. Yes, indeed was a weird place to work in but you were never a fan of normalcy.

You were the best there was and that is why Waller had assigned you as the main nurse for her Task Force. And, oh, dear, they got wounded a lot.

Keep reading

Okay so I know there has been a lot of buzz around the internet about the subject of LaFou, sexuality, and queer representation lately and now that I’ve seen the movie, I want to put in my two cents. 

If you’ve been living under a rock for the last few weeks, many people have been talking about LeFou being gay and getting a “gay moment” at the end of the film. Vanity Fair put out an article calling the character “ a touching tribute” to Howard Ashman” Many of us LGBT+ folks are obviously not happy with this character, who is literally “the fool” being a bone that’s thrown to us. Many, including myself, where infuriated by the article because not only was Ashman the man who saved Disney from bankruptcy with hits like The Little Mermaid and Beauty and the beast and the formula he created is still successfully used by Disney today, he was a gay man who died of AIDS. So you can see why many of us think calling a villainous side character a “touching tribute” is a gross cop out on Disney’s part.  On the flip side, some christian parenting groups are made because our existence is acknowledged in anyway, even if the representation is bad. A theater in Alabama even refused to carry the film. Needless to say, many people had lots of opinions. 

All that being said, I’m not here to preach to the choir, nor am I here to argue with anyone about whether of not LGBT+ people are are “appropriate” for a disney movie( hint hint we are) I really want to talk straight people who don’t get why LGBT+ people are upset. I need to share my personal experience with the movie to maybe help some people understand. I know I can only speak for myself, but here it is.

I’ll start off by saying, overall, I enjoyed the shit out of this movie. Beauty and the Beast was one of my favorite films as a child. I knew all the songs, I was Belle for multiple halloweens. I loved the over the top, Rogers -and -Hammerstien esque feel of the remake, i liked the bright colors, the songs and grumpy clock Ian McKellan. I want to get lost in how much I loved it. But every time LaFou came on screen, he was like a fly in the ointment, the irritating itch that kept me from enjoying this ridiculous spectacle for exactly what it was, because every LaFou scene was a gay joke.His mannerisms were carefully an explicitly coded to be recognized as those of a gay man, which are not a bad thing on their own but they were played for laughs and combined with a comic, pining-induced subservience to Gaston. He’s hangs on Gaston’s every word, he tells the girls no to waste their breath, he soothes Gaston’s temper. He’s a joke, one we have seen many times before, a weasely ,queer-coded villain. It’s supposed to be funny to us because we know this silly gay man is NEVER going to have his affections returned and all his work if for not.( ie he’s making a fool of himself, so he’s aptly named)  It’s something you get used to when you’re queer and grow up watching Disney films though, so for the most part, I rolled my eyes and tried to enjoy the scenery. 

Until Gaston’s song started.

Now let me start by saying, that has ALWAYS been my favorite song in the film. I have a very naturally loud voice that carries and as a kid I loved to belt the shit out of it when it came on our Disney’s greatest hits CD. It drove my sister crazy on car trips. It’s so silly and it’s poking fun at this hyper masculine douche bag you’re not supposed to like. Luke Evans had been killing it up to that point and I was so jazzed about it. 

And then, we get LaFou, lounging on Gaston’s chair, gazing at him longingly. Gaston looks at him and asks why the girls to love him and LaFou sighs dramatically, like the comedic stereotype they have set him up to be, and says he hears he’s been clingy.

And everyone in the theater laughs. 

Everyone but me. 

Because in that moment, everything snaps into alarming clarity. I am no longer immersed in the nostalgic euphoria of an actor I love about to preform a cherished piece of my childhood. 

I am a joke and everyone it laughing at me. 

Because that’s what it feels like, when you see someone like you splashed on the screen and their feelings being the thing that makes them laughable. When there mannerism that are directly coded to read GAY PEOPLE are the joke. You see the thing about sterotypes is, some of use have those traits. I am clingy as hell, a joke often made about wlw, which I am. I know effeminate gay men. I know people who have fallen in love with straight people. None of those things are inherently bad or make you a bad or shallow person  but somewhere along the way, straight people decided they made us wrong and decided to use those things against us and turn it into a joke. People in the theater were laughing about LaFou’s pining for Gaston, while I had lost friends because I was queer and some women don’t want to be friends with you if they think you’re going to fall in love with them. The rub of knowing this was a conscious choice on the part of the filmmakers. Why not have Cogsworth rush into the arms of a long lost husband, instead of Mrs. Potts? You can’t tell me Sir Ian wouldn’t have been all for that. You had two promient gay actors in this film, which was scored by a gay man and the best you could come up with the villain’s side kick who’s name means fool? Really?

And adding insult to injury, it wasn’t LaFou as a person that was the fool, his gayness MADE him the fool in the context of the film. It was his pining for Gaston, to try and impress him, that was played to make him look foolish. Do you know what that says to people? That being gay makes you a fool, it makes you a joke. I’m 27, I’ve learned how to pack that shit up and process later, but what if I had been 16? 10? What does that say to gay parents, sitting in the audience watching their child laugh because social cues tell them this thing is funny and you should laugh? What LaFou really says to LGBT+ people, to gay men especially, is that you are good enough to put in the labor, to make this beautiful thing(Ian McKellan and Luke Evans did great work as Cogsworth and Gaston and without Howard Ashman, there would be no beauty and the Beast.), but you are not good enough to be well represented in it. 

So straight Disney fans, before you feel the need to tell us why we are “making something out of nothing” or that we should be “glad” for what we get, or that his half assed “redemption” arc or a single moment of him touching another man made it all better,  I need you to imagine sitting in a theater, and knowing everyone is laughing at you. Laughing at who you are, at the struggles you deal with. Imagine the things that have shaped you being watered down and played for comedy before you tell me what is or isn’t good queer representation. 

Fingertips Between Us (Chapter 1)

Ta-da! It’s finally here! I’m sorry for such a long wait! First chapters in a story always take me a while >.< they do after all, set the stage for all the events coming forward! 

As always, please leave me asks about what you think when you’ve finished reading!


Something warm and wet presses against your forehead, and you crinkle your eyes in mock annoyance, a smile already forming on your face.

“Mmm…stop that.” You mumble, turning to the other side of the bed to escape whatever disturbed your sleep. Or, whoever.

Strong arms drape around your body, giving a sharp tug. You feel yourself roll back the other way, returning to the exact position you had just escaped from.

“Good morning my love.” A kiss to your nose.

You feel the weight of the ring on your finger shift as he plays with it absent mindedly.

“Have I ever told you how beautiful you are?” A kiss to your cheek.

You carefully peek one eye open, “Did you really wake me up just to tell me that?” Though you try your best to sound stern, even you hear the giggling tone in your voice.

“I need to go to work love.” A kiss to your other cheek.

You turn your head to look at the clock, was it that late already? Turning back you finally notice that Jumin isn’t in his sleeping attire, the fabric of the striped suit staring at you tauntingly.

“I’m sorry…I hadn’t meant to sleep in so late.” You mumble ashamed at how you had even slept through him getting ready.

A gentle hand sweeps over your hair lovingly, “You worked late last night. It’s alright.”  Jumin stands from the bed, your arms still thrown around his neck. Instead of detaching them Jumin opts to take you with him to the door, lifting you up from the bed, carrying you as he walked. Your legs wrap around him, and in the short 300 steps it takes to get to the front entrance you sprinkle kisses along his jaw and on his neck.

When he finally arrives at the door you step down sorrowfully, “Have a good day at work.”

You stand over him as he sits to put on his shoes, a frown on your face. Your hair is still disheveled from sleep, lips still swollen from last night’s kisses, your voice is husky, muscled and toned with half awakeness.

Jumin turns from his shoes to glance at you behind him. He lets out a small smile at the very displeased frown on your face. He stares at your messy hair and listens to your musky voice. You’re so beautiful. He always hated leaving you in the morning.

“Will you be home for dinner? You remember our plans right?” You grumble, knowing deep inside that you shouldn’t be acting like such a child. But you couldn’t help it, after all, life was so much better when you both were together.

Jumin tightens his left shoe and stands, turning to face you.

“Yes, yes.” He says dismissively.

There’s a large grin on his face. “I’m heading off now.”

You almost roll your eyes with amusement. Ever since you both had gotten engaged Jumin made it clear to you that he would not leave to work, or anywhere for that matter, without a goodbye kiss from you.

“My, what a doting husband I’m going to have.” You tease, taking steps towards him nonetheless.

“Mmmm, of course.” A kiss to your lips.

It takes you by surprise, “Weren’t you the one who insisted I be the one to kiss you?”

“Of course” He says teasingly, and you look down to discover his eyes closed slightly, his lips pouted out towards you expectantly.

With a mock sigh you move onto the tips of your toes, and press a kiss to his lips softly. A satisfied rumble escapes his chest and you almost let out a laugh at the thought that he resembled a large black cat purring.

Jumin can feel your smile on his lips, and a small growl slips through his mouth. He nips your bottom lip, as if asking how you could dare to think of other things. You pull away, cheeks flushed and your heart a flutter for more. Always more. Jumin’s thumb runs over your lip slowly, as if he were preparing himself to part with you for eternity.

“I’m going love.”

With a nod you smile at him, handing him his brief case and waving him goodbye out the door.

With a sigh you stared at the door. Honestly, it wasn’t like he would be gone forever. With a huff you rolled your eyes at your own clinginess.

Something soft and warm brushes in between your legs, and you look down with a smile.

“Good morning Elizabeth. You just missed your father.” You laugh, scooping her up into your arms. The cat begins to let out purrs instantly.

You laugh, “Like father like daughter.”


You spent the rest of the day tidying the house and baking sweets. Baking had always been your passion, and you thought that you were pretty good at it! You ran a small bakery, and even sold your goods online!

You set a small plate of lemon bars on the counter, saving them for Jumin before scooping Elizabeth the Third up and settling onto the couch to watch some tv.

Flickering through the channels you smiled as your phone chime went off.

Jumin : I miss you.

You: I miss you t-

“…Mr. Han! Please, tell us your thoughts on your son’s engagement!”

Those words catch your attention, and you stop mid text, your eyes returning to the tv screen. Elizabeth the Third meows loudly.

It was no secret to you that Mr. Han wasn’t fond of you. Jumin had taken you along to enough business parties for you to begin noticing Mr. Han’s annoyed glances towards. Or his refusal to speak to you. Mr. Han didn’t approve of you, but there was no way he would claim that you and Jumin weren’t engaged on national television was there?

Jumin and arguments with his father often about you. It always killed you to see Jumin argue with his father, knowing full well just how much Jumin respected him. In the end, the arguments were always one and the same. If you belonged in the Han family.  

“He isn’t a bad man MC.”

Jumin had once whispered those words into your ears. And though you wanted to believe him, how could you?

Your eyes refocused back to the images on the screen. Mr. Han’s stern face was masked in unamusement. And you fiddled with the engagement ring on your finger nervously. Next to you your phone begins to ring loudly. It’s Jumin. Ahhh…he must have realized that you’d be watching.

You pick up the call quietly, pressing the phone to your ear, knowing full well he’d just continue to call if you ignored him. Your eyes never leave the screen, and your heart begins to beat rapidly as you wait for Mr. Han to respond.

“Turn it off.” Jumin’s voice booms through the cell phone, angrily. Worridly.

“It’s alright.” You reassure him. “I just…want to see what he says for myself.”

You hear Jumin let out an exasperated sigh, “My love-”

“What engagement?”

Those words echo off the tv, and they cause your heart to stop in your chest.

On the screen Mr. Han stares directly into the camera, as if knowing that you would be watching.

“My son has no partner. My son is not engaged.” He states, his eyes never leaving the screen.

The reporter lets out an awkward laugh, “But sir, we have reports that Mr. Jumin has gotten engaged to MC. We even have reports that they live together.”

Mr. Han lets out a patient sigh. “ Simply puppy love. He’s just infatuated with the girl. He is my son after all.” He jokes, causing the sea of reporters around him to laugh as well.

Your lips tremble slightly as you turn off the tv. Rejected. Mr. Han just rejected your engagement to the whole wide world.

“MC.” Jumin’s voice calls out from the speaker, and you jump slightly, having forgotten that he was on the line. From the sound of his voice, you can tell that he too, watched the broadcast.

“I’m alright.” You state, lips trembling a little more, the diamond ring on your finger shining brightly at you.

“I’m alright.” You whisper again, covering your shaking lips as tears fall from your eyes. You refuse to let Jumin know that you’re crying.

Jumin’s soft curse under his breath lets you know that you’re failing at masking your voice.

“I’ll call him right now. I’ll make him announce our engagement. I’ll-”

“It’s okay Jumin.” You cut him off.

“Let him be, it’s alright. I’m alright.” You say gently.

The other side of the line grows quiet, and then finally, “I wish I were there to hold you.”

You let out a small laugh as a sniffle escapes you, “That would only spell trouble for Jaehee.”

“Doesn’t matter.” The smile in his voice makes your heart loosen slightly.

“Come home quickly, I miss you.” You say no longer caring just how needy you sound.

“I’ll try my love. After all, we do have very important guests coming later tonight.”

You smile at that, “You adore my younger sister way too much.”

Jumin lets out a deep chuckle, “And our niece is even cuter.”


You let out a content sigh as you examined the table spread you had set up. An elegant white table cloth clothed the smooth ebony table, held in place by a vase full of peonies (Easter egg! Go read peonies if you haven’t ^^) that you had placed as a centerpiece. White plates with gold spirals stood guard along the edge of the table, the gold matching the faint yellow of the napkins.

You smiled as your eyes drifted to the corner of the table. A child’s high chair stood right in between two dining ones, and you let out a laugh as you saw how out of place it was.

Ding

The sound of the doorbell draws your attention away from the table.

“Coming~” You say as you make your way towards the front door.

You swing the door open with a large smile on your face.

Your younger sister stands in the doorway, a similar smile on her face.

“Hey!” She greets cheerfully, and you quickly pull her into a hug before making way for her to enter the penthouse.

“Wow…’ She breaths as she enters. She sets the car seat in her hands gently on the floor, looking around the penthouse in wonder. “You know, I’ll never wrap my head around the fact that you live here.”

You laugh in answer, you attention solely on the angel strapped inside the car seat. You snap the handle back, and smile down at the little girl buckled inside.

“Hello Akari” You whisper quietly as you lift your niece out of the seat.

She giggles in your arms, blubbering when you rub your nose gently across hers.

“How old is she now?” You ask your sister, turning to face her as you place Akari on your hips.

“She’s about a year now.” Your sister answers, eyes bright as she watches the two of you.

The two of you play with Akari for a while, watching her explore the penthouse and babbling away.

The sound of the front door opening draws your attention away. Jumin’s home!

You snatch Akari up from the floor, ignoring your sister who laughs at you, as you make your way to welcome Jumin.

“Akari, look who’s ho-” You stop short as you look up from the baby in your arms.

Rigid eyes greet you. Slightly shorter. Slightly more grey hair. Mr. Han.

The smile falls off your face instantly.

“M-Mr. Han.” You stutter out, your mouth suddenly dry. Why was he here?

Mr. Han looks around the penthouse slowly, eyes stopping briefly to look at your sister, at Akari, and then finally, back on you.

“I see that Jumin isn’t home yet.” He states.

You nod quietly, giving a little jump as you reposition Akari.

“Ms. MC, my son tells me that you’re quite intelligent.” Mr. Han says.

You backtrack. What?

“He flatters me Mr. Han.” You reply curtly.

You finally move your eyes to his own, and you instantly regret your choice.

An ugly sneer replaces his emotionless face. “Yes, it would seem that my son does flatter you. A little too much. You would think that someone with intelligence would take the hint after watching today’s interview.”

His words pierce your heart. But Mr. Han isn’t finished.

“And would you look at this!” He exclaims, gesturing to your sister and Akari.

“I’ve read up on your family Ms. MC. Your sister got involved with a bad man. Not only did he swindle her of everything, he even left her with a child! I’m not sure how you tricked Jumin, but I can see right through you.”

You rush to explain, “No Mr. Han it isn’t like that, I promise you! Most of the debt is already paid, Jumin doesn’t even know anything about i-”

“I will never accept you as my daughter-in-law.”

Mr. Han’s words cut you off harshly. He glares at you from where he stands, until his eyes slowly fall onto Akari, as if remembering that an infant were present this whole time.

“I won’t ever accept you. You, or your future children.”

His words come out like venom. They poison the air and taint the feelings in your heart.

As if on queue, Akari begins to cry, loud wails echoing off the empty walls. Off of Mr.Han. Your heart wrenches in your chest. It’s almost as if Akari cries for you.

Instantly your sister rushes forward from off the couch to take her daughter and you let her, stuck frozen in place from Mr. Han’s words.  After a few moments Akari’s cries turn to sniffles, and Mr. Han clears his throat as he prepares to leave.

“Please don’t let this drag on Ms. MC.” He says, before shutting the door firmly behind him. Shutting the door, on you.  


Annnnnnnnnd that’s that! I swear it’ll get more interesting soon!!!! Like I said before, I’m simply setting the stage at the moment. 

As always, thank you all for your endless support, and look forward to chapter 2 ^^