nose-pick

…listening to Frozen’s “Fixer Upper” and I’m wondering if we’re going to see that kind of thing sung about a woman someday…

so she’s a bit of a fixer upper…her feet smell, she farts in bed, she forgets to shave her legs three times out of four, she will punch you to communicate affection, she’s got disgusting lint between her toes, she picks her nose…

i want that women be allowed to be disgusting and still be seen as a romantic interest, you know, like boys already are. 

Sharing a Futon

After the students of Shouka Sonjuku cleaned the room, many of them were getting their futons and blankets out and started preparing for another night. Everybody was busy arranging their beds to either be close to their friends or have a good spot in the crowded room. The red light of the sunset flooded the busy and noisy room accompanied by the loud chirping of the cicadas. Gintoki was lazily sitting on the floor picking his nose while Katsura finished arranging his blanket and pillow.

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i want to emphasise how much i love adventure time for how GROSS it allows its female characters to be we always see finn and jake doing yucky bodily stuff but for once it extends to the other sex! like marceline is this really cool demon vampire queen, described as ‘sexy’ by other characters, who we also see picking her nose (and wiping her snot on the settee), not washing her hands after using the loo, digging bugs out of her belly button, and actually being drawn as the ugly shapeshifting monster she occasionally is instead of being prim and proper all of the time. there’s a muscle princess and a slime princess and raggedy princess and they’re all in-depth characters who independently rule their own kingdoms despite not being ladylike at all bubblegum is a real fucking sociopathic dick half the time who gets way too caught up in her goals and puts literal lives on the line in order to get what she wants it’s just nice to see girls normalised as actual humans for once. or vampires/bubblegum/slime. whatever.

I just want to take a moment to remind everyone that stimming isn’t always pretty, and it doesn’t always make sense. It might seem gross or make people uncomfortable. These include skin picking, hair pulling or eating, groaning or yelling, nose picking, scalp picking or scratching, and many more. They are still real. They, and the people that use them, still need acceptance. It’s still a way to regulate and calm down. It’s still soothing. People with “unnatural” or “gross” stims don’t deserve to be stared at or punished or mocked for using them. I have done several of these and believe me, they aren’t what I would have chosen if it were up to me. It’s okay if you have stims like these or can’t relate to all these other posts about stimming. I understand. I just wanted to give a shoutout to anybody feeling embarrassed or alone because of their stims.

Knock knock... Our favourite Christmas cracker jokes

Cheesy jokes that leave you cringing and grinning in equal measures are one of life’s greatest pleasures! And there’s one type in particular that beats the others to the punch line – Christmas cracker jokes. Here are 20 of the best to turn your ‘Ho Ho Ho’s into ‘Ha Ha Ha’s…

1.     Why was the turkey, the drummer in the pop group?

Because he was the only one with drumsticks

2.     Why was the snowman looking through the carrots?

He was picking his nose

3.     What do Santa’s little helpers learn at school?

The elf-abet

4.     Who hides in the bakery at Christmas?

A mince spy

5.     What do you call a blind reindeer?

No eye deer

6.     How did Scrooge win the football game?

The ghost of Christmas passed

7.     What do you get if you cross Santa with a duck?

A Christmas quacker

8.     What do reindeer hang on their Christmas tree?

Horn-aments

9.     Who delivers presents to sharks at Christmas?

Santa jaws

10.  What do angry mice send to each other at Christmas?

Cross mouse cards

11.  What’s the most popular Christmas wine?

“I don’t like Brussels sprouts”

12.  Why is it getting harder to buy advent calendars?

Because their days are numbered

13.  Why did Santa have to go to the hospital?

Because of his poor elf

14.  How do snowmen travel around?

By icicle!

15.  What do you give a dog for Christmas?

A mobile bone

16.  What is an ‘ig’?

An Eskimo home without a loo

17.  What did Adam say the day before Christmas?

It’s Christmas, Eve

18.  What’s worse than Rudolph with a runny nose?

Frosty the snowman having a hot flush

19.  Who is Rudolph’s favourite pop star?

Beyon-sleigh

20.  What do you find in Santa’s drinks cupboard?

Festive spirit

All for his omega.

Requested by anon!!
⚠ Warnings: a/b/o dynamics, biting, and just rough foreplay/smut. ⚠
Enjoy!
—————————-

Tap, tap, turn.

Tord said the pattern quietly in his mind as he worked on a machine. It was a tiny one, a spy camera if you will.
One of his best ones yet, he decided. He continued to tinker and play with his new gadget before his nose picked up a certain smell.

He knew that smell. It was very familiar and it made his body move without thought.  He’s caught whiffs of it
His eyebrows turned and raised as his eyes looked around the hallway.
The only other omega around here was Edd, Matt was a beta, and so was Tom.. Edd was out with Matt and everyone knew Edd’s cycle to make sure he was okay.

This was not Edd. And in all honesty, Tord likes this smell better than Edd’s.
He thought it was a good moment go use his little spy cam, pressing a few buttons on the control pad to make the device airborne. He smirked and had it fly out into the hallway.
Tord watched through the screen, searching into Edd’s room, then Matt’s, then finally Tom’s.
That was not expected.

Tom gasped, peeling away his clothes. It became unbearably hot in his room.
Tom never wanted to really become an omega, and he hid that fact really well. The smell from his alcohol and this cologne, along with suppressants, really helped mask the smell.
Only, he ran out of the two good things:
Cologne,
and Suppressants.
God, he wished if would be over but he couldn’t just magically poof and be rid of his omega ordeal.
Tom groaned as he started to grind into his pillow between his legs, trying to get any friction against his ass and dick. He felt his thighs get slick, groaning as the pillow rubbed up against him.
He huffed, his body rolling as he continued to grind against the object, pulling off his boxers as they were soaked. He panted, biting onto his hoodie. 
He was just glad no one was home..

Tord couldn’t believe his eyes. He could feel his body get riled up from just the smell wafting into the lab. 
He just.. Needed to feel that. He needed to be close…
Tord found himself standing in front of Tom’s door, hearing the omega whimper and whine. It made his skin crawl and the heaviness of his scent made his nose and throat burn.
He rolled his hips a bit, listening in more intently now.

Tom huffed, humping the pillow ecstatically. He was just getting enough friction to..
To..
 He forgot his thought and let out a loud moan, feeling the extra pleasure on his cock.
He moaned a bit more before the reality hit him like a brick.

That wasn’t his hands..
Tom whipped his head around, almost knocking foreheads with Tord.
“TORD, WHAT THE FUCK, STOP TOUCHING ME YOU COMMUNIST PRICK!!” He squalled, trying to cover his lower regions with the pillow.
Tord chuckled a bit lowly, his accent making his voice at least 10x times sexier than intended.
“Oh, but Thomas, you looked so good and you obviously need help. Why don’t I take over and- oW-” Tom slapped Tord’s hand, frowning.
“I’m not letting some asshole touch me.”
Tord held a resting expression before shrugging. “If you say so, I won’t push it.” He stood and sauntered out the room.

Tord had to sit outside to get away from the smell.
Tom huffed, thinking over his options. Edd and Matt still don’t know he’s an omega and they might find out when they come home, but Tord could.. Fix that..
“Alright, you bitch ass commie, get in here.” The bassist called from his window and Tord stumbled a bit before rushing in the door.
Tom met him on the stairs, being scooped up into Tord’s arms and pressed against the wall beside Tord’s bed room door.
He gasped, feeling Tord’s tongue and lips against his neck, suckling and lathering his hot tongue over the kisses.
“Am I allowed to bite-?”
Tom was surprised he asked, but nodded anyway. Tord smirked and latched on, biting down roughly and suckling.
The omega let out moans and chirps, humming as his neck was littered in bites.
Tord pushed into his room, setting Tom down a bit roughly onto his bed and crawling on top of him. The alpha rolled his hips down into Tom’s bare crotch, making the smaller groan.

Tom felt Tord’s hands all over his body and soon felt them between his legs, rubbing his member, balls and entrance.

Tord huffed, suckling on Tom’s sensitive nipples, his mouth soon heading south to lap at Tom’s natural slick.  The bassist moaned and rolled his hips.  The attention was a good choice.. 
Tom felt Tord lather his tongue over his entrance, making him squirm. Tord held Tom’s hips still as he slipped his tongue into the warm hole, resulting in the bassist moaning out.

Tord continued to lap at him, before pulling away to pull his member out.
Tom panted heavily as he watched, seeing Tord’s dick. Not too long, but definitely thick, along with the large knot at the base. He swallowed thickly.
The Norwegian smiled and kissed Tom, slipping his tongue into his mouth. He explored while he rubbed the tip against Tom’s entrance, slowly moving his hips and pushing in the head.
Tom moaned and his voice raised in volume as Tord forced more into him. He pulled away and panted, feeling the size shrink before fill him again.
Tord moved his hips slowly and soon sped up, making the smaller male bounce on the bed. Tom’s moans and gasps filled the room, Tord’s grunts not as loud.

Tom let out a loud squeal as he released, the foreplay and the actual banging got to him.
Tord wasn’t finished, oh no.
He gripped Tom’s hair, forcing him down as he rocked his hips roughly into Tom’s. The bassist squealed, his ass becoming raw and sensitive. Tord sped up even more, growling as he went to release;

Only to knot at the last second.
Tom squealed, feeling stretched. Tord bucked his hips, popping the knot in place.
Tom panted, his vision a bit blurry. Tord gripped his jaw and made sure he was still coherent and gave his cheek a smooch.
Hopefully, the knot would go down before Edd and Matt get home. Tord wouldn’t want his omega being found out. Maybe he’ll even get more suppressants once it releases.
All for his omega.