nose hair trimmers

The Fun Process of Imprinting

“You coming Y/N?” One of your brothers yells at you.

Rolling your eyes, you say goodbye to your friends and turn around. Your third oldest brother smiled as you made your way over to him and the rest of your siblings.

“You guys are really impatient, you know that right?” You tease Emmett, softly slugging his arm. His wife, rather, one of your sisters, grabbed you by the hand and led you into the car.

“Carlisle wants to see us right away. Esme called us and said it was an emergency.”

Your eyebrows immediately scrunch together as you pile into the family’s car. Alice starts up the vehicle as the rest of you try not to worry about what your father wanted to talk to you guys about.

“It’s probably nothing,” Jasper tried to soothe you. 

Your emotions were coming off strong as you tried suppressing your fear. He leaned across Emmett (Both of your sisters sat in the front as Rosalie called shotgun!) and took your hand in his.

Despite him having problems with blood and humans, your brother taught himself to familiarize your scent ever since you were a child. It didn’t affect him as bad as Bella did or the others did.

Seeing that you were still stressing out, Jasper began to manipulate your emotions until you felt calmer. Sending him a smile, you nod your head in thanks.

“Let’s see how much trouble we’re in now,” Emmett muttered as Alice pulled into the driveway of the house.

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Pink Tax Is Another Con By Feminists

Feminists say that they’re being discriminated against for being women because products advertised to women are sometimes more expensive than products advertised to men, even though they’re exactly the same product. 

So, if they’re exactly the same, then why the fuck aren’t you buying the cheaper option? 

Imagine men complaining that they’re being charged more for their suits and ties. Imagine men complaining that they’re being charged more for their life insurance and car insurance. Imagine men complaining about being charged for their beard trimmers and nose-hair trimmers. Feminists would tell them to shut the fuck up and rightly so. Now it’s time for feminists to take that same advice.

These “pink” products and services are only more expensive because we’re the only ones gullible enough to pay for a pink razor with a goddess on it and believe it’s better than the simple grey razor alternative next door.

The same thing applies for health foods, they’re usually priced higher because they know weird vegan people and health fanatics are dumb enough to fork out cash for pumpkin seeds and carrot juice. 

The same thing applies with make-up and beauty products, you slap a label on them that tells us it hasn’t been tested on a pig and people are willing to pay triple the price. 

The same thing happens with medicine, just because the fancy looking boxes look better than the generic brand of medicine, people will pay 2-3 times more even though they’re exactly the same thing. 

The same thing happens with sports team merchandise and clothing and footwear, men’s versions are usually more expensive than women’s because they know men will pay whatever it costs to wear their teams colors.

The same thing happens with phones, fashion, flights, televisions, computers, cars, furniture, music, food - it happens everywhere we look, women are not exclusive to this targeting, if you’re dumb enough to pay for it then they’re smart enough to continue to charge you for it. 

But it’s not just the direct comparison in products they’re bitching about. An even more ludicrous tantrum they’re having is about women having to pay more for certain services. 

They complain how mistreated they are because women get charged more to get a hair cut, even though on average women have more fucking hair to wash, cut and dry and men aren’t exactly lining up to get highlights, curls and extensions now are they. If a guy walks in with thick locks down to his ass and asks the hairdresser to wash it, highlight it, curl it and style it, she would tell him to pay for it.

The same thing applies for dry cleaning. It’s always going to cost more to clean delicate silk and lace over a scruffy old man cotton shirt. The very same reason applies to why some particular women’s clothes or lingerie is more expensive than men’s boring plain old trunks and tops, because silk and lace costs more. It’s the same if you compare men’s leather shoes to women’s rubber flip flops, they’re going to cost more to make, buy, clean and repair so should we tell men’s designer labels to start selling their leather accessories and shoes at the same price as women’s rubber flip flops? Come on now, let’s be sensible.

If that’s not enough, they complain that it costs more to get their nails done as if there’s even a competition between men and women in the first place. 

Listen ladies, it’s not rocket science, it’s simple business that keeps our economy one of the strongest in the world, as I said, if you’re dumb enough to pay for it then they’re smart enough to continue to charge you for it. So either pay for cheaper alternatives or just as we’d tell those pesky privileged complaining men: sit down and shut up. 



The boys come sloshing across the ground to see what all the yelling is about, Brutus in the lead. Angus’ face is rigid with cold and disapproval. Joël blinks. The resemblance to Sonia is uncanny.

Angus: Why were you shouting, Dad?
Roy: I thought I saw a snake. I was yelling to try and scare it away. But it just turned out to be a stick. Sorry, son. Sorry, Jar. Didn’t mean to alarm you.
Joël: I think you’d better take your poor old Dad to get some glasses when we get back to town, Angus. No need to be embarrassed, dude. You can’t force back the hands of time forever. Hey, maybe you could pick up a nose hair trimmer too. Just saying. I couldn’t help but notice since we’ve been sitting here that some of them are so long you’ve got icicles hanging off them-
Roy: You know, I reckon that ought to be your job, dude. What kind of a best friend are you that you can’t yank those bad boys out for me?
Angus and Jared look at each other.
Angus: Ewwwww.
Jared: Ewwwww.

Roy scoops Angus onto his lap and starts tickling him and Joël sags further into his chair, his bones weak with relief. Thank Christ Roy’s black mood seems to have evaporated. If Roy had erupted in a fully-fledged temper tantrum Joël would have taken Jared and Brutus and hitch- hiked back to Bridgeport. No question about it. 

After a while they all decide to go for a walk, but they’ve only reached halfway around the lake when it starts snowing darkly and heavily. Within minutes their surroundings have shed their charm and novelty to become grey and wet and foreboding. Then they hear a long, drawn-out doleful cry that makes the hairs on the back of Joël’s neck stand on end.
Jared: WOLF!

I had to go to Ulta this last weekend to get some special hair product, and while walking around, I wondered…what if the War Boys, or the Wives and Furiosa, stumbled upon a buried Ulta.  Can you imagine what they’d do with some of this crazy stuff.

War Boys making guns out of hot pink glitter hair dryers.

Imperators painting their foreheads and adding a touch of shay butter shimmer lotion, for those extra dry days.

Black Thumbs trading scented candles to keep the stank out of the garages.

War Pups ironing their trousers with extra wide hair straighteners.

The Wives laying about in the garden with hydrating eye masks on.

Furiosa stealing a deluxe nose hair trimmer to use the motor for a new arm.

Max being sad because he wanted the nose hair trimmer.

War Boys hanging brightly colored loofahs from their V-8 mirrors.

War Pups using the Milking Moms brightly colored eyeshadow for war paint.

Ace finding a bottle of ‘beauty smoothie’ and being confused if it’s a dessert.

War Boys attaching bath bombs to lances, only to find out they are not real bombs.  Their enemies thank them for making their war brigades smell like Hawaiian Coco-lada Breeze.

A War Pup asking Max what Booty Parlor means.  He tells the pup to go ask Mom.