nori you little shit

minervacerridwen  asked:

Only saw your prompt-asking post now! How about: 11 dwarves, only 5 drinks. What happens? (This sounds like a reality tv show for dwarves xD). Only do it if you feel like it, though ^^ (And if you've had enough rest to feel better ;).)

Here you go! Thank you for sending a prompt, I hope you’ll enjoy it <3

Master Baggins’ pantry turns out not to be endless, after all, much to the chagrin of his esteemed guests. Their host himself has retreated into his quarters a few hours ago and has not been seen since; the Dwarves are not too worried. Hobbits are fussy little creatures and they had bigger fish to fry, or taller wizard to get out of the way of their merry-making. Everyone knows what happens when Tharkûn drinks and nobody wishes to go through That One Incident That Shall Not Named again. (Balin still has nightmares.) 

It took them quite some time to get rid of him, only to fall into another predicament.
Alas, to know that it would come to this…

Eleven pairs of eyes stare at the five goblets on the wooden table and asses their opportunities. They haven’t seen each other in a while, they are all in good terms and on the eve of a quest that some of them might not come back from; etiquette and alcoholism battle under eleven skulls as the silence grows deeper. Muscles are flexed, eyebrows are risen and breaths are held.
They know what they’re waiting for. The King of the Mountain might brood his way into snatching one and nobody in their right mind would take his booze away from Dwalin, but everyone else is fair game. Family ties, old alliances, honour and loyalty; all will soon be for nought, for the Dwarrows are about to-

A vicious kick to his ankles and Gloin falls face first onto the wood; Dori yelps and Balin screams, but Nori is already up on his feet, two goblets in each hand and the fifth stuck between his teeth. Bofur springs to stop him, elbowing Thorin in the process, but the company’s One And Only Thief Thank You Very Much is already pushing past Ori and, yes, he’s jumping, he jumps above Bombur, dodges the crown princes attempt at stopping him and makes for the door. He’s outside in a flash, leaving behind only curses and a chaos of entangled limbs.

Fast. That was fast.
Bifur grunts something in his very own version of Khudzul and everyone sort of regains their senses, helping each other back to their seats.
“I think you’re right, cousin,” answers Bofur after surreptitiously trade place with Balin, “it should be safe to get the good ale out now.”

A lot can be said about Dwarrows, but they are very serious about their alcohol.