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Favorite Vauseman scenes: Alex and Piper adopt Linda

Hello and welcome! Its the return of my favorite Vauseman scenes: Seasons 4 and 5 and in no particular order.

So lets start things off with Vauseman and their adopted puppy Linda. Every scene these three were in I found incredibly entertaining. All of Alex’s facial expressions and snarkyness towards Linda were just gold. Absolute gold.

Piper is all: Hey Alex can we keep her

Alex: No

Piper: Please

Alex: No!

Piper: Pretty please I don’t want to lose my humanity

Alex: Grrrr. Fine

I think my favorite part was when Alex told her to take off her shoes and Linda continues to be difficult. And then there’s Piper, knowing how thin Alex’s patience is with her already, looking at Linda like “just do what she says” and Linda just keeps spitting annoying bullshit. I loved Alex being just so done with her lol

I also love that little domestic one liner when Alex says “As long as you promise to feed her and walk her every day and she never comes into our bed.” Actually all of season 5 is filled with these little domestic quips and I love them all dearly.

And of course I have to mention that Alex said Vauseman, Alex said Vauseman! This was the first time in the season where Vauseman fans everywhere lost their shit. I had to pause, rewind, and turn on the subtitles to make sure I heard her correctly and that my shipper brain didn’t just hallucinate that. Nope Alex said it and I love it. It almost felt like a fourth wall break. Also, how do I apply to the Vauseman Finishing School?

Another piece of awesomeness: Piper flipping the fuck out when Linda had the nerve to threaten to tell Alex’s secret. I got to admit at first I was a little surprised by Piper here just because I guess I wasn’t expecting that sort of retaliation from her. But then I realized I totally can because Piper is an emotional person and has shown that she does indeed have a temper and when provoked she lashes out, even violently. Doggett had to get new teeth because of her. And when Piscatella  broke Alex’s arm Piper was like a dog trying to break from her leash so she could get at Piscatella’s throat (but more on that later)

She goes up to Linda like “look here bitch you threaten my girlfriend again and you’ll find out that SHE’S actually the nice one.” Piper put that heifer in her place and just took control from that point on and it really told me what kind of Piper I was going to get this season. Piper’s not bullshitting this year when it comes to Alex’s safety. I like “Gangsta with an “A” Piper if it’s at least on Alex’s behalf.