nonfat tofutti rice dreamsicle

people talk a lot of shit about revival’s. 

“it won’t be the same/it won’t have the same chemistry.” 
“no one has original ideas anymore.” 
“they’re trying too hard to bring this back.” 

like shit dude, I don’t care, I would watch 12 hours of David and Gillian sitting in a dimly lit anteroom, throwing pencils at an I Want To Believe poster and eating nonfat tofutti rice dreamsicle’s, while the sound of a dial-up connection played in the background. 

and I would be so happy about it.

  • “How do I get this off me quickly without betraying my cool exterior?”
  • “No one would kill you. You’re just a little puppy dog.”
  • “Well, hey, I didn’t spend all those years playing Dungeons and Dragons and not learn a little something about courage.”
  • “There are hits and there are misses… and then there are misses.”
  • “I’m warning you. If this is monkey pee, you’re on your own.”
  • “I would never lie; I willfully participated in a campaign of misinformation.”
  • “I have to admit, that fulfilled one of my boyhood fantasies.”
  • “That’s why I like you. Your ideas are even weirder than mine.”
  • “No, wait. This is the part where they bring out Elvis.”
  • “I could smell you a mile away.“
  • “Well, they told me that even though my deodorant is made for a woman, it’s strong enough for a man.”
  • “You think they would have taken me more seriously if I wore the grey suit?”
  • “If there’s an ice tea in that bag, could be love.”
  • “Does this pitch somehow end with a way for me to lower my long distance charges?”
  • “Did you really think you could call up the devil and ask him to behave?”
  • “Maybe it was another bald-headed, jigsaw-puzzle-tattooed, naked guy I saw.”
  • “It’s not a funhouse, it’s a tabernacle of terror.”
  • “I’m exhuming… your potato.”
  • “Exactly how does one become a professional blockhead?”
  • “Life… is like a box of chocolates. A cheap, thoughtless, perfunctory gift that nobody ever asks for.”
  • “Sure, fine, whatever.”
  • “I wouldn’t want to disappoint you by not disappointing you.”
  • “Please explain to me the scientific nature of the ‘whammy’.”
  • “If you had to do without a cell phone for two minutes, you’d lapse into catatonic schizophrenia.”
  • “Does your policy cover the acts of extraterrestrials?”
  • “Your kung-fu is the best.”
  • “Aluminum foil makes a lovely hat, and it blocks out the government’s mind control rays.”
  • “Maybe it’ll start raining weenies and marshmallows.”
  • “Maybe if it rained sleeping bags, you’ll get lucky.”
  • “Not everybody’s dream is to get on Jerry Springer.”
  • “Do you have an old cemetery in town, off the beaten path, the creepier the better?”
  • “…and then he sort of flew at me like a flying squirrel.”
  • “One more anal-probing gyro-pyro levitating ecoplasm alien anti-matter story and I’m going to take out my gun and shoot somebody.”
  • “It’s not ice cream. It’s a nonfat tofutti rice dreamsicle.”
  • “I scream, you scream, we all scream for nonfat tofutti rice dreamsicles!”
  • “One more pun and I pull out my gun.”
Ice Cream

I’m literally so cheesy and sappy lately, guys.  I don’t know what’s wrong with me.  A love triangle between Stefan, Caroline and Caroline’s ice cream cone.

“Yummm,” Caroline drawled out as she savored the first lick of her hard-earned ice cream cone.

“That good?” Stefan asked, watching with a smirk as she took another long lick of it. 

“Perfect,” she said with a contented smile.

“I’m glad to hear it,” Stefan said, “It only took checking every ice cream shoppe in a 50 miles radius to find it.”

“I wanted cinnamon!” she argued, “It’s not my fault that we had to go all the way to Roanoke to find some.”

“You would want the least common ice cream flavor known to mankind,” he teased.

“That’s because it’s the BEST flavor, Stefan,” she explained.

He sighed and rolled his eyes, crossing his arms.

She narrowed her eyes at him before turning her attention back to her ice cream cone.  Stefan watched as her tongue chased a rapidly melting drop down the cone and lapped it up before it could drip onto her jeans.

“Wanna lick?” she offered, as she felt his eyes on her.

“No, I couldn’t take something so precious to you,” he said.

She shrugged and continued eating.  Stefan smiled as he watched her in this simple moment.  These moments were his favorite.  Where she was safe.  Happy.  Young.  Human.  Like she deserved to be.   

“What are you looking at?” she asked with a smile.

“Nothing, you just got a little..” he leaned forward to brush his thumb across the corner of her mouth.

The late summer air became suddenly thick as he leaned even closer to gently press his lips to the spot his thumb had just left.  He gave her a whisper of a kiss before pulling away to gauge her reaction.

She looked surprised, followed by happy, followed by shy.

“I guess you earned that,” she said, “For driving me around all day for ice cream.”

“I would have driven you anywhere anyway,” he said, sincerely.

“I know,” she said, unquestioningly.

Stefan smiled at her before looking back at her ice cream.

“You know, maybe I will have a taste,” he said, before suddenly lunging for her cone.

“No!” she screamed, jerking it away in a panic and sending it flying to the ground.

They both looked at the rapidly melting cone, oozing onto the sidewalk, mouths agape in shocked silence.

Caroline lifted one arm and pointed Stefan back inside the ice cream shoppe.  He nodded and marched in obediently to fetch her a replacement cone.  Caroline smiled and licked her lips, tasting the leftover stickiness of her ice cream and the remnants of Stefan’s kiss.