none of that school or work shit

6 Real things for my favorite girl that commando curtsies… @wittyclitty we are going to have to talk about that, you are a great person to get kicked out of a bar with, but we should slow down a little.

1) I was valedictorian of my class but dropped out of school to dig holes. And get married. I am a hardcore Carnie now (I church it up with the -ie) and looked into going back to school.for an engineering degree but am too much of a princess to listen to someone else talk.
2) I had 3 kids by the time I was 22. Hello birth control, none of that shit worked for me. Well, or maybe I should have tried a few options.
3) I started running when I was 40, and 260 pounds. It sucked. But it improved my physical and mental well being dramatically, especially for those around me.
4) For the first 15 years of my life we celebrated my birthday a day late. Then my mom found my birth certificate. Oops.
5) I lived in a trailer for the first 10 years of my life. But it was a double wide and we were in the rich part of the parks we stayed in.

I was 4’ 11" when I got out of High School. I am 5'6" now, it feels really tall tbh. Thanks for the tag!
Love Me Louder [VxREADER]

 V request completed for @nekomas-heart

Mystic Messenger V route aftermath if he survived and began a relationship with MC.

     Nothing really prepares us for the paths fate has laid out. You could try and fight destiny, but it was a losing battle. In your younger years you’d never given any of this much thought. Why would you? Your life had been relatively easy. School, work, chatty family dinners, meeting friends for lunch, none of this lent much room to existential thoughts. But the person you were now was vastly different. As you sat in this trim and tidy apartment looking over old photos, you let the thoughts cloak over you like a security blanket. It was comforting to relinquish control to fate. If fate called all the shots, it would be pointless to hold on to anger over all of the fucked up shit that happens in this world. There would be nothing you could do to prevent it. There was no skirting around the obvious, your boyfriend was visually impaired. This warm, loving, creative man-was blind. And damn it, you needed to believe it was for a reason.

Keep reading

Phil fucking goddammit Lester

Title: Phil fucking goddammit Lester

Genre: high school/boarding school au with all the fluffs and agnsts and some smutty chapters later

Warnings: none really except for swearing and mentions of smoking oh and also really shit titles

Summary: Dan really liked it here. Here he could focus on his work and his friendsand keeping a low profile and he could just be. But then Phil Lester comes along and fucks everything up. Phil Lester is the school bad boy. He wears leather jackets and smokes and has tattoos and piercings and has sex in the bathrooms. He’s the exact opposite of little shy Dan Howell with his flower crowns and pastel jumpers.


It’s the first day of school. Ridgewell Private School is in the middle of nowhere, far from Dan’s parents and town.

As he walk threw the front doors of his dormitory and into the office he notices his best friend pj. Pj’s sitting with Chris, his other best friend. They spot Dan and motion for home to come sit down with them. He walks over, sets his stuff down and sits across from pj. They’re waiting to be assigned their dorm rooms so they talk about their summer vacation, what teachers they want to have (or don’t want to have) and school in general. When Dan hears his name called he lifts himself off the chair and walks to the desk where one of his favorite people in the whole world is sitting with a bright smile and and dyed pink hair.

“Hi, Louise” Dan says with a smile.

“Hello Daniel” she says back with a laugh.

“Don’t call me that!” Dan says as he feels a blush rising on his cheeks.

“Oh, stop it. I can call you whatever I please.”

“Anyway, what’s my dorm room” he’s say hastily wanting to change the subject.

“You’ll be in room 405. It’s on the 4th floor so here’s the elevator key.” She exclaims and hands Dan a laniard with 2 keys on it.

One is bronze and worn down from use. The other is fairly new and silver. He takes them and nods as he makes his way back to where Peej and Chris are sitting. He informs them of his room number and then grabs his bags and makes his way to the elevator.


He presses the button for the elevator and waits. The door opens a few moments later and out walks Phil Lester. Phill fucking Lester. With his dyed black hair and electric blue fringe tips. His leather jacket covering his tight black t-shirt that shows of how lean but muscular he is. He has a lighter and box of cigarettes in his hands. His snake bites glisten in the florescent lights of the hallway. He can see a few of his tattoos. They suit him very well. At least the ones he can see from underneath the cuff of his jacket and the ones adorning his Chet and neck springing up from the collar of his shirt. He looks so fucking hot. Like so fucking hot.

Dan just gawks at him. He freezes when Phil brushes past him not really noticing the boy until he stumbles into the elevator. They turn around simultaneously and lock eyes for a second. Dan blushes as Phil looks him up and down then smirks. Dan wants the walls of the elevator to swallow him whole, because Phil fucking goddammit Lester smirked at him. And fuck it was hot.

When he gets to his room it’s unlocked. Probably because his roommate has already got there. He pushes the door open and expects to see some kid unpacking his stuff, but the room is empty except for a suitcase on one of the beds. It’s decorated with a blue and green plaid duvet and little lion plushies. A Buffy poster is hanging half assed on the wall.

Dan wonders for a second who is roommate might be then decides it’s not that important seeing as he’ll just ignore them whoever they are and hang with Chris and Peej. He begins to unpack. Firstly grabbing the bag he knows has his bedding in it. He pulls out his black and grey plaid duvet and notices that it matches the one sprawled on the other bed. He laughs to myself as he pulls out his aqua colored sheets. He quickly makes his bed not forgetting to put his Haru body pillow on the right side.

He turns to grab his suitcase with his clothes in it and his flower crown swings off his head. At the same time the door swings open and Dan can hear whistling and the loud smack of bubble gum. He looks up to see a structured face. His cheekbones quite high and prominent on his face. His jawline very defined with a tiny hint of stubble on it. His nose is slightly crooked and a nose piercing hangs from his left nostril.The most beautiful part is the boys eyes. Clear blue with thin stripes of green that match the duvet run out from his pupils. Little specks of yellowish gold litter the iris. It looks as if you could swim in them. The black hair on the boys head slightly covers one of his eyes and he notices it dyed a familiar blue. Dan is mesmerized but is quickly snapped back to reality by the smack of gum and the low gravelly “Hey” that leaves the boys perfect mouth pierced by two metal rings on either side of his bottom lip. Dan recognizes the voice and the hair and the eyes and takes a step back to see Phil Lester in all his glory.

“Hey,” he says again a little louder this time.

“H-hi” Dan manages to squeak out.

Phil chuckles a little and moves past Dans almost frozen form. He picks up Dans flower crown and hands it to him.

“Th-thanks” Dan splutters out. Phil turns to his bed and plops down on it reaching for the phone in his back pocket.

Dan turns and continues unpacking as nonchalantly as possible. He can feel Phil’s eyes on him as he bends over to get his clothes out of his suitcase. Heat rising in his cheeks and spreading across his body.


“So, Flowerboy…” Are the first words Phil utters to Dan the rest of the day. “…like what you see.”

Dan is surprised by the comment and turns around still blushing from earlier.

“U-uh uhm, what?” He stutters and mentally curses himself for letting Phil have this affect on him.

“I said, ‘do you like what you see?’” Phil repeated. He got up and walked over to where Dan was standing beside the wardrobe. He continued to back Dan up until his back was flush against the wall and Phil was looming over him staring hungrily.

Dan nodded frantically as Phil ghosted his hand over the boys thigh. Dan whimpered and Phil backed all the way up until he hit the wall opposite Dan, leaning like he owned the whole building. He looked Dan up and down and laughed once before getting up and blowing Dan a kiss then walking out the door leaving Dan to ponder what the fuck just happened.

Later when he’s hanging with Peej waiting for the orientation to start he tells him all about what happened.

Peej stares at him, a look of nervousness and pity washing over his face as Dan continues with the story. Peej lost his virginity to Phil Lester in year 10. It tore him up real bad because after, Phil pretty much pretended like it hadn’t happened. He’s mostly over it now but Dan knows he doesn’t want that to happen to him. Pj has always been very protective over his friends.

When Dan finished telling him all about it Peej looked more angry and concerned than pitiful.

“This is bad Dan really really bad. You need to stay away from him. He’ll chew you up and spit you out then walk over you like a paper bag blowing in the wind.”

“Damn Peej calm down. I know that and I will stay as far away from him as possible.”

“Promise me”

“Ugh, ok I promise.” Dan held out his hand for Pj and he took it shaking wearily.


Chris had come to sit down with them and orientation started as usual. The administration saying how wonderful it was for everyone to be back and introduced some new teachers and staff. Then he got on to the bit about expectations and rules and dress code. Unlike most boarding school, Ridgewell didn’t require a uniform. Dan loved that bit because he was free to wear his pastel jumpers and skinny jeans and his little flower crowns.

Everything was going quite smoothly. They split off into groups and wandered the campus with a guide telling them about all the great opportunities and clubs and things they had to offer. Dan hadn’t noticed he was in the same group with Phil until they reached they science hall and Phil brushed past him. Phil cupped dans ass and squeezed ever so lightly making a small gasp escape from Dans mouth without his permission. He saw Phil smirk as he moved forward to get to one of his friends. Pj burned a death glare into the back of Phil’s head. He was absolutely fuming and Dan could see that. His fists were not balled up and he was moving tensely.

“Hey Peej calm down ok. It’s fine I won’t let him do that again”

“No it’s not Dan. He can’t do to you what he did to me. I won’t let that happen.”

“What are you all going on about?” Chris said hesitantly looking over to Dan

“I’ll tell you later” Dan said a little reluctance in his voice.

When orientation was finished everyone went back to there respective dormitory. Dan stayed with Peej and Chris for a while since they were assigned the same room. They ordered a pizza from the campus call box and talked about school and everything. They played a quick few games of Mario kart before it was time for roll call.

Dan returned back to his room to find Phil lying on his bed on his phone with a big evil grin on his face. Dan scurried to the bathroom and locked the door behind him. He took a quick shower and got dressed for bed. He was wearing a mint green shirt with a large Eiffel Tower printed on it in black. He wore just his regular pastel boxer briefs and laid out his clothes for the next day. He walked out of the bathroom and Phil looked exactly the same as he had left him minus the maniacal grin. His jacket was laying on the edge of his bed and now Dan could see his various tattoos. A galaxy crawled up his chest and neck. A graphically drawn lion adorned his biceps and a dragon crawled up his wrist. He had loads and loads of tattoos but those were the ones that stuck out to Dan. Dan cursed himself when he realized he had stopped in his tracks just to stare at Phil.

When he looked away it was already too late. Phil had noticed and he was smirking again. That fucking smirk that made him look like a hungry hyena searching for his pray.

Phil stood up and pulled his shirt and jeans off and walked into the bathroom in just his boxers leaving his clothes on the floor. As he walked past Dan to the bathroom Dan turned to look. He could see all of his tattoos now. He had two diamonds placed on his pelvic bones and another dragon sprawled on his back creeping up to meet the nape of his neck. He had tiny stars and dots littered across his arm in different shades of purple and blue and black. They surrounded other tattoos to form a very spaced out looking sleeve down Phil’s arm. A few different roses in different colors and patterns adorned his neck and chest. Though all of them were different they all seemed to work very nicely together.

When Dan realized what he was doing it was too late (again). Phil was grinning as he said “wanna join me?” In a low smooth tone. Dan tore his eyes away from Phil’s body to look at his face. Dan’s eyes widened and he managed to squeeze out a small ‘no’ before turning to crawl into his bed. Phil continued into the bathroom. Dan heard the water turn on and he slowly but surely fell into a restless sleep before Phil got out.

Pansmione Headcanons!

On how they re-enter each other’s lives. For Pansmione Weekend!

  • Pansy doesn’t go back to Hogwarts after the war
  • It’s not that she has any shame or anything, she’s just not masochistic
  • [and that school was shit anyway]
  • Instead she finishes up her schooling at Durmstrang, and then opts for some specialized training for another two years
  • This effectively leaves everyone she’s ever known with no idea as to her whereabouts for three years and that’s exactly how she plans to keep it
  • It’s why she goes for a job as an Unspeakable, so even though she works in the ministry with half her old schoolmates, no one knows she’s there
  • Until about eight months in when she’s leaving late one night and runs into none other than Hermione fucking Granger
  • Hermione “doesn’t give up until she has answers” Granger
  • And boy does Hermione need a lot of answers
  • Pansy? Is that’s really Pansy Parkinson?
  • Why is she in the Ministry so late at night?
  • Where has she been all this time?
  • What has she been doing?
  • And why is her hair green?
  • Pansy manages to slip out but Hermione’s obsessive brain can’t stop coming up questions and making up her own answers
  • So Hermione keeps an eye out now, when she’s on her way to and from her office
  • Hoping to see a flash of green, thinking maybe she can get Pansy to sit still and get some answers
  • Obviously Pansy notices and it’s so annoying, knowing someone’s trying to look out for you, find you
  • And then there’s the question of if Hermione told anyone? Who? How many people? Would it get back to her old friends that she was back?
  • So after a week of this Hermione sits down at her desk one morning to find a small bit of super fancy parchment folded neatly on her desk and in a deep green ink in neat and precise handwriting is the name of a muggle pub and a time
  • Signed P
  • And so that night she walks into the pub and looks around and finds Pansy at a back table behind a glass of gin and a swirl of smoke
  • Here’s how this is going to go, Granger,” Pansy says as Hermione sits down. “I will answer your questions and you will leave me alone. No more looking for me in the main hall, no more asking about me - it all stops.
  • Hermione agrees and orders a club soda
  • Pansy makes her order a real drink
  • It starts off very clinical. Hermione asks a question and Pansy answers it in a few words as possible
  • But the night wears on and the drinks keep flowing and before they know it it’s last call and they can’t stop laughing
  • The pub is closing and they are standing outside with their breath in the air and Hermione gets serious
  • Well Pansy, it’s been a surprisingly good night. But, as agreed, I will leave you alone from here on out,” she says, and turns to leave
  • Pansy lets her get a couple of steps away before she feels the word fighting it’s way up her throat
  • Wait!”


    What with the chaos in Inaba and importance of school, it has been some time since Naoto has been called in to work on a case in person. The vast majority of her recent work has been done remotely, whether simply figuring out connections between victims or motives, or analysing the collected data from a distance. It is the summer, however, and as much as Naoto enjoys spending time with her friends, it is difficult to deny a personal request for her help on a case.

    This is how she has found herself standing next to someone very blatantly not Japanese, with quite possibly the most official-looking officer she has ever seen in front of her, with several more (though with slightly less decorated outfits) scattered around the not particularly well organised office. He offers the both of them a stiff nod, then walks away, leaving her and the stranger to their devices.

    “Well,” she finally begins, breaking the drawn-out silence. “Cyber crimes and multiple murders? It sounds like the work of an organised group to me, though I suppose we would need to take a look at the collected evidence before we make too many assumptions. I am surprised more about this hasn’t made it onto the news, though I can see why they would wish to keep this quiet…” She trails off, mind distracted by processing the briefing they have just received. “—Oh, but forgive me. I am Detective Shirogane Naoto. It is a pleasure to meet you.”


do yourself a (NOT) favor and

read “Hogwarts School of Prayer and Miracles” on by “proudhousewife”.

not in chronological order, some excerpts. 

i’m from a Christian family, even if I’m not one myself, and even my mom said “i forbid you to keep reading this shit” after i kept sending her these screenshots. it gets much worse, she denounces roman catholics as being as bad as pagans essentially because they worship Mary as well, she calls women who work ‘career women’- a derogatory term- and for some reason birthdays, socialism, and evolution are involved. But it’s hilarious if none of it is taken seriously, and best read out loud in caricature voices ( @lemma-lassie ). 

I’m sorry for her more than anything. Her children will grow up, move out, and choose to stick with these beliefs or make their own way, but she’s been coerced by a book she mentions in the author’s notes to believe that it’s her duty as a woman to ask her husband permission, and he’s the one who eventually tells her that writing this story and taking a writing class to help her do it were taking away from her time in the home, and she ends the story prematurely.

So, make of it what you will, but this rivals My Immortal imo.

So you wanna fight the Game Grumps?

Of course you do. I mean hey, they’re totally sweet people who care a lot about their fans. But you spend all your hard-earned money on merch and cons and video games to send them, you stay up all night watching their content and have to drag your ass into work/school like a complete zombie the next day, and none of your real-life friends hang out with you anymore because all you wanna do is watch two grown men yelling at video games. And that makes you mad.

So I have compiled a list to let you make informed decisions about which grumps you should and shouldn’t take your chances with.

who will you meet in the pit?

Keep reading

girls getting pulled from class because of their clothes.

the first day of school last year, do you know how many girls got called to my school’s office for their outfits? so many that the office was literally stuffed full all morning.

there were so many girls they had to wait outside the office.
there were so many angry moms coming to the school from work.

do you know how many guys were sent to the office? absolutely none.

i watched that office the entire time i was there.
i walked through the hallways and witnessed girls getting pulled by the 3 principals, and by teachers male and female.

i’ve seen the same guy wear a half naked woman on a motorcycle
and not get in trouble, but all those girls got in trouble for what??

i could HEAR a phone call from another room of an angry mom.

guys can wear shorts and those side revealing tanks?
but girls can’t wear shorts or show their collar bones??

it gets super fucking hot in a school filled with body heat in the summer. even not in the summer it’s hot, but yes let’s stuff all the girls in long sleeves and pants.

let’s just pull girls from school who have tests that day, finals.
let’s make them miss out on important notes.

because apparently their kneecaps are “too distracting.”
because their thighs will “excite the boys.”
because their shoulders are “unfair to the male teachers.”

it’s disgusting and it’s unfair that all these girls get sent home or pulled from class, for what? trying to keep cool in the heat? wanting to wear clothes they fucking paid for?

and keep in mind that it’s really hard to find girl shorts that schools will “allow" because the clothing companies make the shorts too fucking short.

it’s not the fault of the girls
it’s the fault of the companies and the schools


as long as i can’t see your nipples or your ass or your dick or vagina, then what the fuck ever go to class, like jesus fucking christ, is it really that difficult?

Things Italian xenophobic assholes like to defend as something public schools MUST HAVE in every classroom beacuse it’s “part of our culture” although we are supposed to be a laical country:

  • the crucifix

Then I suppose that 

  • toilet paper
  • tissues
  • a heating system that works in winter
  • an air conditioning system 
  • classrooms large enough to fit 25+ students
  • laboratories
  • chalks
  • just more space
  • outdoor facilities (aka fields and running tracks)
  • basic hygienic requirements (aka no dead rats in the buildings)
  • walls that are not falling to pieces
  • a good gym
  • locks in bathroom stalls
  • qualified teachers

are not “””part of our culture””” because we got none of those things and no one ever gave a shit

The signs as School Thoughts
  • Aries: Imma kill this bitch rn
  • Taurus: Wtf why is there still an hour left till lunch
  • Gemini: Why are all these hoes causing drama like stfu ugh
  • Cancer: Why is everything so hard to do omg I'm gonna fail *cries*
  • Leo: Get the fuck away from me, I didn't ask you to come over here
  • Virgo: *Working on Math test* "Is this the right answer?" *Looks at choices* *See's none of them are what they have* "OH FUCK"
  • Libra: Lol fuck this shit I'm just going to text Britney
  • Scorpio: *See's the only attractive person* HOT DAMN, FUCK ME PLEASE *Creepily stares and sighs over their singleness*
  • Sagittarius: Literally you can stop now
  • Capricorn: Wtf why do I always have all this fucking shit to do, I'm just a fucking teenager let me live oml
  • Aquarius: Why the fuck am I here, everyone is so dumb omg
  • Pisces: I can sleep in this class right? Right.

You just have to believe some illusions no matter how what reality tells you. I guess, this is film. This is Cinema.

You do get a sense — there’s like an aesthetic working in Melville’s work that you get a sense that you don’t have to know how to make a movie. If you truly love cinema with all your heart and with enough passion you can’t help but make a good movie. You don’t have to go to school. You don’t have to know a lens — you know, a 40 and a 50 and a — fuck all that shit — crossing the line — none of that shit’s important. If you just truly love cinema with enough passion — and you really love it, then you can’t help but make a good movie.

Quentin Tarantino talking about Jean-Pierre Melville. Footage from Reservoir Dogs bonus features.
Music Geek Nirvana --ottertrashpalace

Summary: Music Ho AU where Dan is a lonely pianist and Phil is a modest but excellent soloist in the choir Dan is accompanying. The rest is basically my personal relationship fantasy.
TW: none, let me know if otherwise
Tags: fluff, music, pianist!dan, singer!phil, American AU, High School AU, first meeting
A/N: this is set in the U.S. because that’s where I’m from and I can’t write about Britain for shit. See the end note for links to music!

Sebastian being a college student who volunteers to guide high school students, searching for college, around the campus. Ciel Phantomhive, a third year high school student who’s searching for a good college, but ends up choosing the one with the attractive tour guide, Sebastian Michealis. So now, Ciel has to work double, with the usual school work, registration and financial aid papers, and trying to get the man that dragged him into this. Even tho said man knew none of this…