Here’s a list of random joke items to use for fun in your campaign. I’d recommend adding them to treasure hoards rather than subbing normal items for them.
Anyway here they are:
1. Ace of Spades - An ace of spades from a standard card deck. No matter where you store it on your body, you will always be able to find it in your right sleeve afterwards.
2. Amulet of Extra Amulet Slot - This amulet allows you to gain the benefit from two magical amulets rather than one. It cannot be further enchanted.
3. Amulet of Feather Fall - When worn, this amulet turns into a feather and falls to the ground.
4. Amulet of Unbreaking Bones - Con-man says you can’t break any bones. Really, he means other’s bones. -100% damage against skeletons.
5. Amulet of weather detection - yells that it is or is not raining.
6. Anti-Matches - A box of matches. Striking one will make it begin to drip water from the tip while the match shrivels away. The amount of water a match releases is about enough to fill a tablespoon.
7. Arrow of Euarere - A silver arrow, suspended on a string. It always points to the person holding the string.
8. Arrow of Slaying, The - This magical arrow is capable of killing a creature.
9. Artist’s Bludgeon, The - Inanimate objects hit with this bludgeon will receive no damage; they will however change color.
10. Attentive Guardsman’s Pike - These ornate and deadly-looking ceremonial pikes are reach weapons and appear to weigh at least 20 lbs, not counting the weight of the fluttering banners that can be unfurled for parade use. Constructed of shadowstuff, they weigh one pound, and inflict only a single point of damage on an attack, being almost entirely for show, although they also have the unique property of remaining in place when set (although unable to support more than 20 lbs), allowing a ‘resting his eyes’ guardsman to prop it up and leave it standing under its own power, while his hand sags off of it.
11. Attentive Guardsman’s Tabard - A dozen of these tabards were fashioned for palace guardsmen in the Empire of Sard, 250 miles from the nearest enemy. The bearer is placed under a glamour that causes him to appear alert and awake, even if his eyes are closed and he is snoring lightly.
12. Axe of Big Numbers - This axe shouts “Big numbers baby, come on!” whenever it is swung, but always deals 1 damage or less.
13. Axe of Empathy - Every time you hit something with this +5 greataxe, you get dealt an equal amount of damage. Both you and the thing you hit are then healed the amount of damage dealt by the axe, even if either are dead. The Axe hopes you have learned your lesson.
14. Axe of Pain - The axe is always moaning and groaning with pain.
15. Bag of Faerie Gold - This sack appears to be full of gold coins and jewels. When one attempts to spend them, however, the glamour on them soon vanishes, revealing them to be nothing but leaves and pebbles. Obviously, most shopkeepers will not be happy about this, and no amount of ‘we didn’t know, I swear!’ will change their mind.
16. Bag of Holding - This item functions as a normal backpack, however when attempting to retrieve an item, a calm female voice tells them there is a wait time of 4d10 minutes before they can retrieve their item (actual time is stated time plus 6d6 additional minutes). During this wait, the bag plays either annoying muzak or advertisements for the bag’s creator’s other products/services. Upon attempting to retrieve an item, there is a chance that the wrong item is retrieved, or that the intended item is simply missing. Obtaining the original item requires an additional 4d10+6d6 minutes and has only a 5% chance of success.
17. Bag of Trading - You can take one thing out of the bag for each object you put in the bag. However, you have no control over what you get, and there are no trade-backs. Past research seems to imply there’s some sort of correlation to what gets you what, but it’s extremely convoluted and far from understood.
18. Bag of Trick - This bag operates like a Bag of Tricks, except it only works once a week and produces a rat each time it is used.
19. Bag of Unholding - Quite a large backpack but even the smallest item doesn’t fit.
20. Bagpipe of Stealth - Grants the user invisibility as long as it is being played.
21. Ball of Eyes - A snow-globe filled with miniature eyeballs. When shaken, it grants the user a blurry, jittery vision of some future event.
22. Banana Walkie-Talkies - There exist two, and only two, of these items in the world. One of which is possessed by a cranky and lonely half-orc. It appears to be an innocuous wooden banana with a coat of faded yellow paint. When an end (doesn’t matter which one) is placed against your ear, you can hear a ringing followed by a click and a half-orc yelling at you for waking him up at this ungodly hour. If you drop the banana or “hang up,” the call ends. If you stay and listen, the half-orc will yell at you, call out obscenities, and start going on about his daily problems and mishaps in his love life. Every so often (2% chance/day), the banana will ring while you are sleeping and the half-orc will want to talk to you about his problems.
23. Barrel of Holding - This large wooden barrel measuring √(12/π) feet in diameter and 5 feet in height can hold up to 15 cubic feet of matter.
24. Beam Sword of Severed Nerves - A beam sword. It cannot cut anything but nerve strings. Will pass through any other material leaving no harm.
25. Belt of Pants - This belt creates illusory pants on the wearer. The wearer can suppress the illusion at will
26. Belt of Tightening - Every time you put this belt on, all of your clothes permanently shrink a fraction of a millimeter. The effect is compound.
27. Belt of Unbathed Breath - When worn around the waist, allows the user to breathe underwater. Does not function when wet.
28. Boogie Skeleton - This pile of bones is small, such as one that might be obtained from a bird or a toad, though it can look as though it came from any creature. When a song is sung or played in the vicinity of the skeleton, it begins to dance appropriately. As soon as the music stops, it collapses into the pile of bones again. The skeleton, when dancing, can be no larger than Diminutive.
29. Book of Canon - A book that automatically transforms into a copy of the sacred text of any religion, translated into the language the user is most familiar with.
30. Book of Confusion - The letters in this book always appear to be upside down, even if viewed from different directions at the same time. The book is a bad novel about zombies.
31. Book of Curses - When opened, the book verbally berates anyone in the immediate vicinity, calling into question their combat ability, intellect, personal hygiene, lineage and profession of their mothers, and other delightful insults. Once closed the book continues shouting (although it is muffled) until placed inside a bag or some other similar container for 1d4+1 minutes and ignored. Replying to the book in any other way causes the insults to get louder and more childish the more time you spend replying to it.
32. Book of Exalted Deeds - Contains a listing of some of the finest houses ever sold and the specifics of the titles to the properties.
33. Boots of Blinding Speed - The wearer’s speed is doubled, and they are blinded.
34. Boots of Levitation - These boots levitate a few inches off the ground when not worn.
35. Boots of Stylishness - Knee high black boots that are always clean and shiny. They never take in water, thus feet are always dry.
36. Boots of Teleportation - Allows the player to teleport wherever they like, but don’t carry the wearer with them when activated; the boots teleport just fine, though.
37. Boots of Walking - The wearer of the boots cannot run, nor can he take a double move action, and takes a -5 to Tumble checks. These boots are made for walkin’, and that’s just what they’ll do.
38. Bottle of Air - It’s a bottle. Full of air. Congratulations.
39. Bottomless Beer Mug - Any liquid poured into this mug treats the bottom as incorporeal, but solid objects don’t.
40. Bowl of Comfortable Warmth - Any liquid in the bowl will feel comfortably warm, so icy cold water will feel like it’s a bit over room temperature. Do note, however, that it’s still icy cold water, it just feels warmer.
50. Breastplate of Secret Detection - If the wearer of this breastplate gains a piece of information that is somehow connected to the concealment of a hidden conspiracy or plot, a live and still wet red herring forms on the inside of the armor.
51. Bullying Gloves - At random intervals, these gloves instil the wearer with a near-irresistible urge to hit themselves.
52. Bunyan’s Belt - When worn, causes an enormous, bushy black beard to appear on the wearer’s face.
53. Cape of Resistance - When this item is placed on any living thing it somehow manages to fall off, untie itself, slip past the owner’s neck entirely, or otherwise avoid being worn.
54. Case of the Litigator - Translates any document placed in the case into legal jargon; non-reversible. Does not confer the ability to understand legal jargon.
55. Cat of Schrodinger - When this cat is not being observed in any way it is both dead and alive. When something observes it, it suddenly becomes either dead or alive with a 50% chance of either.
56. Chair of Steadiness - This chair can be moved but cannot be tipped over by anything less than a DC 35 Strength check.
57. Charles - This small, unremarkable figurine of a gnome refuses to be called anything but Charles. No other name will leave the lips of the speaker. It has no other powers.
58. Chime of Interruption - This instrument can be struck once every round, which takes a standard action. On any round the chime is activated the user may ready one action without spending an action to do so.
59. Chime of Opening - Commonly affixed to or near doors, when pressed it emits a sound on the interior of the owner’s home to let them know guests have arrived.
60. Chime of Opening (Alternate) - When struck against a solid surface, this chime emits a loud click, and opens along its length, to reveal a tiny compartment adequate to conceal a single 'smoke’ worth of pipeweed or a blowgun needle. When the compartment is closed, it is seamless and can be detected only with a DC 20 Search check. If hit with an instrument such as a small mallet, it chimes.
61. Cloak of Billowing - This black and silver cloak will always billow dramatically behind the wearer, it has no other effects.
62. Cloak of Displacement, Minor - This item appears to be a normal cloak, but when worn by a character its magical properties distort and warp reality. When any attack is made against the wearer the cloak has a 20% chance of falling off, no matter how it is secured.
63. Compacting hammer - The force imparted by it is multiplied, but is spread around the surface of a struck object facing inward.
64. Cymbal of Symbols - This musical instrument enables the user to comprehend dead languages, but only while they are deafened by noise.
65. Dagger of Told Secrets - A simple-looking dagger. If used to backstab someone to death, it will whisper your most embarrassing secret to that person.
66. Dagger of unnatural sharpness - The blade is exceptionally sharp to your touch. It confers no combat bonuses but can be used as a normal dagger for fighting or crafting, but the user seems to always cut himself in minor ways when using it.
67. Dagger of Untold Secrets - A simple looking dagger. If used to backstab someone to death, it will whisper the most embarrassing secret of that person to you.
68. Decanter of Endless Sorrow - A pewter flask that produces limitless alcohol when held to their lips by someone who is troubled. It gets them drunk but they never feel any better.
69. Diadem of Brothaurity - When wearing this headpiece, you are as elegant and well-spoken as a famous diplomat or regent, but you can’t stop calling everyone bro.
70. Enchanted Book of Collected Stories - Opening this will cause miniature creatures/people to pour out and perform a chapter from the book much like a theater.
71. Focusing Ring - The digit on which this ring is worn can be viewed in extremely high definition from a great distance.
72. Gloves of Tinkering - Wearing the gloves will make you able to almost repair any broken item. However, you will always end up with pieces from the item that don’t seem to fit anywhere.
73. Glowing sword of orc detection - When it gets orc blood on it the sword glows.
74. Good Luck ring - Gives your enemies good luck!
75. Greater Staff of Random Summoning - Summons a random creature at a random place. You could be summoning a giant Ogre on the other side of the globe for all you know.
76. Helm of Awareness, The - The wearer is acutely aware of the fact that they are wearing this helmet and that it has a magical effect. - All you need to do to make this work as a DM is frequently remind the player that the helm is magical while they are wearing it but be evasive about exactly what it does.
77. Hoarder’s Wand - Does nothing but for some reason you think it might be important later in your quest.
78. Hood of Offensive Facades - This hood will change your identity in the eyes of others to the appearance of the person they most personally dislike.
79. Hood Of Worrisome Facades - This hood will change your identity in the eyes of others, however the identity used will be random.
80. Indestructible Notebook of Memories - This otherwise normal notepad of normal notepad size cannot be damaged or destroyed, and anything written in it cannot be obscured or defaced. It also has unlimited pages despite its finite size. However, the data it holds only lasts as long as the writer independently remembers it, and decays in exact proportion to the relevant memories. Remember who and when, but not where? Then the words describing the location in that particular entry are the only ones gone.
81. Intransigent Rod - When the button on this artifact is pressed in, the holder’s opinions solidify and they become impossible to convince.
82. Key to anywhere - opens any door into a closet with a water bucket that falls and hits the player’s head. Inside this closet is the treasure of true adventurers. If opened with a key, it opens a closet…
83. Lunch Box of Delicious Unfulfillment - This lunch box will hold whatever food you desire. However you will never get full and the food will deliver no nourishment.
84. Mask of Concealment - Hides the wearer’s face and conceals everything from them by blocking their eyes! Bonus points for requiring a strength check or a time limit to expire to be removed.
85. Mattress of Poverty, The - No matter how you fluff this gorgeous, thick, mattress, you will always sleep on the thin part of it.
86. Mug O’ Dissatisfaction - A mug that always produces a steaming hot cup of coffee or tea when tapped on the bottom. It conjures the opposite of what the tapper prefers, so if you like tea you get coffee and vice versa. Handing the full mug to another person will make the drink in it transform to the opposite of that person’s preferences.
87. Murder Dagger - All damage it would deal is instead replaced by the target being harassed by crows for that many hours.
88. Needle Of Learned Compromise - This needle will create beautiful tattoos of any design, however they hurt a tiny bit more. When used to sew it is entirely normal.
89. Portable Dark Tavern Corner - Consisting of two wooden boards connected by a hinge, this artifact draws those nearby into assuming it is a perfect spot to conduct seedy business.
90. Potion of fire breathing - For the length of time that the potion is in effect, every breath out is on fire, whether you want it to be or not.
91. Potion of Quelchment - Cures thirst when consumed
92. Ring of Fire Detection - becomes warm when placed into Fire.
93. Ring of First Impression - Wearing the ring will make you able to perform a perfect handshake with the hand wearing it.
94. Ring of Stoneskin - Turns your skin, muscles, and organs into stone! Character is now a stationary statue. Can’t be reversed until someone takes the ring off.
95. Rope of Entanglement - Becomes entangled when left in a pack
96. Sack of Hive Eggs - Crushing one of the numerous tiny eggs will cause the thoughts of everybody in the proximity to merge. Everybody can hear what you think and you can hear everybody.
97. Shirt of fire protection - this shirt is sopping wet.
98. Shoes of the Restless Traveler - These shoes allow their user to run for miles without feeling fatigue, but if they try to do anything else with it (walk, sit down, jump), they will instantly trip
99. Sword of Parrying - Parries every attack, swinging it yourself will force it to “parry” your opponent’s weapon/attack even though he/she/it is defenseless.
100. Torch of Night Vision - grants bearer Night Vision while lit.
101. Vorpal Grindstone - It can “sharpen” any object to become vorpal. Any object.
102. Wand of command - Lets your character be controlled after saying the command word!
103. Wand of Create Wand of Create Wand - Creates a Wand of Create Wand. Consumes original Wand.
104. Wand of Pigeon Summoning - summons 1d20 pigeons everyday. On a 20 it breaks and summons a giant pigeon god (can be the size of Godzilla or like 5 pigeons.) Giant pigeon god should be in the mid 20s for CR, but is uninterested in attacking, and will simply fly away when summoned.
105. Water Hat, The - A small red hat, when worn, causes water to pour from the wearer’s fingers at the speed and pressure of a kitchen faucet at half power.
106. Wineskin of the Eternal Primary - This wineskin never runs out of water, but even the tiniest sip makes you have to go potty, like, super bad. Right now.
i've been repeatedly called offensive for pointing out the non existence of reverse racism to my WHITE british teachers. I straight up told them they couldn't be oppressed, they seriously "offended" and it is going to a) affect my grades bc i made a presentation on it and my teacher got mad b) possibly get me in a ton of trouble because another teacher reported me to the head of school. I genuinely hate white people at this point and i want them to go away forever.
Well I don’t know how to solve the issues of your teachers and school but I can back you up on the other crap they’re denying. Expect a long post.
And not that I’m trying to put the spotlight on Germany but the atrocities of World War II are taught to German children in school with “great depth” and is mandatory. Now if white people were taught and actually understood about all the crimes their ancestors did, how it all benefits them today, and how it all spills over in today’s world (especially in America), then perhaps white people would be a little more sympathetic to and understanding of everyone else, instead of denying everything.
You see, white America does everything it can to erase all the atrocities it committed (even those being committed today) while conditioning white people to deny when said atrocities are brought up. It is both erasure and denial of white supremacy, white privilege, colonialism, genocide, racism, and many other things that keep white people in power and the rest of us oppressed. In fact, the moment white people see such terms, they automatically become defensive and harbor a state of denial, which is proof of their conditioning.
so it's more like a Harem verse, not actually poly?
If you want to think of it as “harem,” I’m not stopping you, but for me at least “harem” implies power imbalances between the person at the center and the people who love them, has some negative connotations, and invokes the idea of jealousy/competition among the “suitors.”
Polyamory, to my knowledge, does not necessarily need to mean equal romantic/sexual attraction among all parties involved, but it DOES imply that all parties are fully aware of what’s going on and consent to the relationship. Polyamory, for me, is associated with the image of a unconventional but functional and content family where everyone contributes in some way, which is what the relationship in this AU is supposed to be. (Polygamy, to my knowledge, refers strictly to the marriage and doesn’t have the same relationship connotations as polyamory)
Hope this explains my choice to label this as polyamory ^ ^
What non-'reverse' fic are you currently working on right now? Any hints you'd like to give us that would leave us chomping at the bit for more?
If Obito were even ten seconds slower, he’d have been too
It all happens in a blur; the moment he swings himself up
onto the edge of the balcony, his eye catches on a slim figure in dark clothes,
just approaching the wide glass doors with their covering of steel grills. In
the same moment, there’s a spark of red across black cloth, all but invisible
in the night. Across the busy street, on one of the top floors of an office
building, light dances across cold metal, and Obito doesn’t even try to shout a
warning. He hurls himself across the balcony with every ounce of speed he has
and tackles the figure just as they reach for the lock.
In the same instant, there’s a muffled pop, and a bullet
slams through the thick glass.
“God damn it!” Obito’s captive hisses, but Obito wraps an
arm around her waist and leaps for the far edge of the terrace. Another pop,
another bullet, and this one is even closer as it slams into stone, showering
them with chips of stone. With a snarl of warning, Obito shoves his target
around the corner, pushing her down, and whirls to bring his own gun up.
There’s no time to aim, no chance to actually hit the bastard when Obito doesn’t have a rifle and scope with him,
but he eyeballs it, squeezes the trigger, and dives after the woman as another
shot cracks the stone where he’s been standing. At the same moment, glass
cracks with a shattering crash across the street, and Obito pushes the target
hard, trying to get her moving towards the far side of the building.
“Go!” he urges, and with an irritated huff she scampers
along the narrow ledge, grabs a zip line between gloved hands, and vaults over
the side of the museum. Obito shoves his gun back into its holster and follows
her, landing lightly in the statuary garden behind the building. The woman is
nowhere to be seen, but a maintenance gate is standing just a little ajar, and
Obito wriggles through the gap, emerging into the lush darkness of the
botanical garden that abuts the museum.
“You know,” he says into the darkness, more than a little
annoyed, “thank you is generally what
people say in this kind of situation.”
“My diamonds,” the
woman says instead, a mournful lament, and Obito rolls his eyes as he steps
into the small pagoda that overlooks a decorative pond.
“Sniper, Rin,” he
reminds her, exasperated. “Aiming for your head.
Rin drags her ski mask off to pout at him, brushing her
bobbed hair out of her face. “Diamonds,”
she insists. “Obito, we’ve been casing that building for weeks, and now it’s ruined.”
“But your head
Of course, Rin just waves that off. “Now security’s going to
be insane,” she complains, folding
her arms over her chest.
Obito is so done with this. “Someone just tried to kill you, and you’re worried about
“Pretty rocks. Valuable
rocks. Rocks that I spent a very long time planning to steal, Obito,” Rin
insists, casting a dark look back at the museum. She heaves a sigh that’s
overly thick with regret. “I bet every silent alarm in the place is going off
“Except the one for a dead would-be intruder,” Obito reminds
her, because it can’t be overstated. “If I hadn’t gotten to you in time—”
That at least gets him a laugh, and Rin reaches up to cup
his scarred cheek. “Yes, yes, you rode to my rescue like always, dashing hero,
et cetera, et cetera. And here I thought you’d heard about our heist and were
coming to join us again.”
Obito rolls his eye, though he doesn’t bat her hand away.
It’s Rin, after all. “I don’t think assassin falls under the necessary
skills to be a white knight, Rin. I’m not a thief anymore. You shouldn’t hold
your breath that I will be again.”
Rin rolls her eyes right back, stepping a little away to
prop her hands on her hip. “But we were good
thieves,” she wheedles, though Obito can see the mischief in her expression.
“Remember the casino in Kiri? The bank in Suna? The hotel in Ame?”
Making a face at her, Obito looks away, checking their
surrounding so he doesn’t have to face the full force of Rin’s puppy dog eyes. “You
know I make as much in one contract as you do in three heists,” he reminds her.
“And this is a family business. If you have a problem with me killing people—”
Rin smacks him over the head.
(Obito probably should have seen that coming.)
With a yelp, he leaps back to get out of range, because Rin
never stops at just one hit. At the same time, hands close around his elbows
from behind, dragging him up against a hard chest, and it’s only a very vivid
burst of sense-memory that keeps Obito from flipping the bastard over his
shoulder and stabbing him.
“What are we talking about?” Kakashi asks, almost directly
against Obito’s skin. It would take a stronger man then Obito not to shiver at
“Assassinations,” Rin says cheerfully, stepping forward to
tap her fingers against Obito’s chest.
Kakashi hums in acknowledgement, though he doesn’t lift his
head. His flyaway hair brushes Obito’s cheek, and Obito can feel the sound more
than he hears it. “Is that what that was? Rin, did you get into a death feud
with someone and not tell me?
“It was Madara,” Obito says before she can answer. “And—can
you let go of me? Hands to yourself,
Kakashi, of course, does not let go. “Madara?” he asks, and
there’s the faintest edge of darkness to his voice. “Your partner Madara?”
Rin is starting to frown as well, and Obito waves his hands
as much as he can while still in Kakashi’s grip, trying to get them off this
track. “No, no, not like that. He was an asshole so I left to work on my own,
and he’s pissy because I’m better than him and he’s only making half as much
money now. This was him trying to get revenge against me.”
“By coming after us?” This makes Rin beam. “Obito, you
really do care!” she says cheerfully.
“Of course I care,” Obito grouses, huffing and slumping back
into Kakashi’s hold. “It’s been the three of us since we were, what, six?
You’re not getting rid of me that easily. Not even by getting married.”
Kakashi chuckles, his fingers tightening just a little. “I
would have thought the way we fought over who got you as best man was
“And we offered to
let you join in on our wedding night,” Rin points out, her smile far too bright
to be saying things like—like that.
Obito flushes, on the verge of spluttering, but before he can she adds, “So how
many times has Madara tried to kill you since you left?”
Behind him, Kakashi goes stiff, but Obito ignores the
overprotective idiot. “Ten times?” he hazards, though he can’t quite remember
clearly. “It’s fine, he’s a moron who can’t use a gun. All of his stuff is
arranged accidents or poisonings. I’m fine.”
“I don’t know,” Kakashi says mildly. “That sort of looked
like a gun to me just now.”
Obito snorts rudely. “Yeah, and no offense to Rin, but if I
was behind the trigger she would have been dead six times over before she even
got to the balcony. Madara’s an overly dramatic moron.”
“Says the man who cried at our wedding.” But there’s tension
easing out of Kakashi’s fingers, and when Obito glances back and up at him, he
crinkles his eyes in a smile about his half-mask.
“Emotional is not
the same as dramatic,” Obito insists hotly. “And would you let me go, please?”
Kakashi hums low in his throat like he’s considering it, gaze
slipping away from Obito to land on Rin. He lifts a brow in silent question,
and Rin’s grin slides back onto her face, her delight clear. Apparently that’s
answer enough, because Kakashi chuckles a little and leans down again, pressing
his mouth to the curve of Obito’s neck.
Obito stiffens, jerks, and squawks, “What are you doing, Bakashi!?”
“If you’ve forgotten,” Kakashi says, still perfectly mild,
“I think it’s about time we remind you.”
“Like a thank you for saving my life!” Rin agrees
cheerfully, trailing her fingers down the center of Obito’s chest. “Think of it
as a Hallmark card, but with more orgasms.”
Okay so Anti-Heroes are super cool and all but imagine Reverse!AU in which Marinette is a very calm and quiet girl who doesn’t care too much for people but talks to them anyway and Adrien is the dangerous rebel delinquent who no one messes with because he could destroy them if he wants to and one day Adrien does something to annoy Marinette and she just decks him in the face and everyone but Marinette is stunned and she just tells Adrien off and he just falls in love on the spot because wow this girl is so amusing and she is the only one who has ever dared to defy him so he is constantly flirting with her and trying to get a rise out of her but she just ignores him and gets annoyed with him because she’s already madly in love with the famous villain Chat Blanc but TURNS OUT Adrien is actually Chat Blanc and Marinette is actually Miss Fortune, his partner in crime. Miss Fortune is completely in love with Chat Blanc, to the point where she is willing to do literally anything for him but Blanc doesn’t care for her and only gives her attention when he needs something from her (think along the lines of a Joker/Harley type of relationship except probably less dark) SOMEONE MAKE THIS A THING
So, because I’m obsessing over SKAM right now and the hiatus is killing me, let me go all literary student on you and analyse the season 4 trailer (which I’ve wanted to do since I saw it for the first time because it’s such an amazing trailer).
This is gonna be long and it will contain spoilers for season 4, so I’ll put it all under the cut.
Pick a character I’ve written and I will explain the top ~three to five ideas/concepts/etc I keep in mind while writing that character that I believe are essential to accurately depicting them.
No one asked me but I wanted to write it anyway! Rosie knows I am weirdly Tharja trash despite me disapproving about 99% of her portrayals.
1) Limits to Dark Magic
Creepiness and powerful dark magic does not equal absolute confidence or the ability to get away with everything. This is a big one. I want to write Tharja as a person, not just a strange manifestation of a stalker or this endless energetic ball of cackling dark magic. She can be unsettling and powerful without being absolutely confident. She is not a seductress, she is not confident in her ability to have her love reciprocated, and she could not escape being press ganged to die for Gangrel’s cause. Dark magic has its limits and she is no total master of it either.
2) Tone Down the Sexuality and Sensuality
Tharja in her supports is not a really sexual creature. She is sexualized by everyone but as a character she’s not particularly interested in dripping with sex appeal. The Tharja who hides the truth about Nowi’s parents from Nowi to not upset her and who is insecure enough to change her personality to appeal to her crush is a far different person than the dark mage who gets posed here and there in media. Tharja has better things to do than to vainly appeal to the male gaze.
(Also Scramble convos don’t count because their entire purpose is fanservice and therefore really weird, shallow, and out of character conversations happened.)
3) Upfront and Honest in her Power
Tharja is unapologetic about who she is and what she likes. She doesn’t suffer fools, she knows she enjoys some of the savagery of war, she has romantic fantasies. When she involves people in her dark magic, she pretty much tells them outright. It almost seems as a soldier, she’s in it for the interesting life and the possibilities for both her dark magic and her crush, rather than choosing to defend something to death. It’s some mutually beneficial utilitarian relationship and so while Tharja is ‘creepy’, she’s ultimately not an unscrupulous person.
The easiest way to understand this for me is to contrast this to Niles/Zero, strangely enough. They’re both written to be perverse and inappropriate characters but in two completely different directions. Niles says shit to rile people up and to push people’s boundaries. He says things to purposefully mess with societal standards. He wants other people to confront the cynicism and bitterness he is aware of. Tharja says perverse things because she’s kind of absorbed into her own world and therefore isn’t bothering to conform to societal standards. Her cynicism is just a fact of her point of view, not something that has to be impressed on other people. She knows she can be unpleasant but she doesn’t care enough about most people to bother. If she does care about you, she assumes you are already inured to this method of communication.
While she’s not a nationalist, she is Plegian through and through. She is not Grimleal, let me make a distinction. She does not worship Grima or believes in that type of subservience. Dark magic is built on the premise of knowledge as opposed to faith in old Fire Emblem and I believe that remains true here. She is someone who has fond memories of her homeland but hates its governments and its wars. For her, the Plegian-Ylisse conflict is not so black and white and allying with the Shepherds does not mean she forsakes Plegia.
Also her relationship with Noire is fucked up in canon and I would like to propose alternate canon, kthx.
It is literally impossible for oppression to “go both ways”.
Oppression is when a lot of traditions, laws, stereotypes, and social rules give one group unfair social, political, economic, and/or legal power over another. Privilege is the opposite of oppression - it’s when you’re part of the group with the power.
The only time oppression can “go both ways” is when there’s a different group oppressing both of you for not having the same privileged trait - and you’re not oppressing each other, it’s “lateral aggression” (or “horizontal aggression”). Bi women and lesbians can be laterally aggressive, for instance, because we’re both oppressed for not being het, but neither has the systemic power to oppress the other.
Oppression also happens on different axes.
You can be oppressed as a woman and privileged as a white person. Since there are many axes of privilege - including disability, being cis or trans, and social class - it’s possible to be privileged on several axes and oppressed on several others.
Trying to figure out which kinds of oppression are worse isn’t useful or meaningful. The point of realising that you have privilege on one axis is to recognise your responsibility to work on ending that privilege, by becoming an ally to the people whose oppression gives you that privilege.
This is why there’s no such thing as “reverse racism” or misandry. Oppression isn’t about people not liking you, it’s about the power your group holds over theirs.
I wish i could watch that scene with tarrys dad again before monday, cause god i could sit there and pick apart his whole fucking spiel for hours. As someone who has dealt with an abusive father that views good parenting as enforcing his beliefs on his children and who cares more about the name than the person behind it, i would take great fucking joy in it. Calling out scumbad fathers is sort of my thng
I mean, right down to the non apologetic apologies, the reversal and denial of past behaviours to lure you into a falls sense of trust…. even the fucking “settle down, marry a woman, have kids.” thing is fucking….. ugh.
I hate tarrys dad because he reminds me of my own awful father and the kind of shit he pulls. though, atleast tarry got away with coming out without a scratch…
muslim men love calling out islamophobia and racism. they will continue to call out white racists and bigots they will sit down and hold hour long conversations about how reverse racism isn’t real or compatible with the eurocentric historical structures set out by the white world but will they stand up for muslim women especially women who don’t fit their sexist and misogynist narratives? will they discuss the non-existence of reverse sexism just like they do reverse racism? will they stop knocking down feminism as a western ideology? cause i know so many muslim men with inherent socialist some of them even communist rhetoric but they are never deemed as too westernized or too white which is funny to me cause what color were Marx and Engels in your deformed reality?
Are muslim women allowed to be angry and stand up for their rights without getting knocked down? Should i answer this or should i keep quit and keep my mouth shut to save your ego’s, to save your imagery, to not bow down to stereotypes of muslim men that have been propagated by the west? Are we going to open up about internal communal issues about the abuse and discrimination women face in muslim communities or not? Will we have a genuine debate about how power relations between men and women have horrendous outcomes for us? Or is the fear to look uncivilized in front of white people of more importance? If muslims did address issues of sexism and misogyny on a wider scale we wouldn’t have racist white feminist speaking up for us. In fact, if muslims stopped ignoring all of these issues, we wouldn’t have prototypes as Hirshi Ali, Wilders, Le Penn, Sam Harris and bunch of others. We share a fair contribution to their existence and their money making political discourse.
Also, don’t prove that you aren’t shit by sending me hate or dive into the ‘’not all men’’ narrative cause the majority of you is guilty of the abuse we are facing so i’m not here for it. For white ppl and non-muslims, you might want to stay out of this.