non horse people

Explaining different riding disciplines to non-horse people

Jumpers- gotta go so fast

Hunters- based on how much money you have

Equitation- whichever rider is the skinniest wins

Ponies- spoiled little girls with crazy midget horses

Dressage- where people fork out thousands for dancing horses

Eventing- a triathlon for the insane where equitation doesn’t matter

Barrel racing- a competition to see who can do the best splits midair

Reining- the art of spinning really fast

Trail riding- a test to see how bombproof a horse really is

Western pleasure- drugs and glitter

Liberty- every single girl on Instagram who has a “bond” with their horse

  • Non Equestrian: So you ride horses?
  • Me: Yes I do! :)
  • Non Equestrian: So you race right? Or are you a cowboy? You're a jockey!
  • Me: ...
  • Them: ?
  • Me: No, no I'm not, *goes on a rant about the different disciplines of riding, and tells them how just because I ride it doesn't mean that I race or ride Western, amd that riding Western doesn't necessarily mean you are cowboy*
  • Me: See?
  • Them: But you do race right? Or do you ever want to race?
  • Me: *sigh*
  • Me: No not really.
  • Them: Okay.
real conversations I have had with non-horse people, pt. 1

Normal: “How was your morning?”

Me: “It was okay, except for when my horse tried to kill me.”

Normal: “What?! Why would it do that?!”

Me: “Because… he’s a horse… Sometimes they just do that….”

Normal: “Even if you love them?”

Me: “Yes, just like men, even if you love them with all your heart, they will still hurt you.”

Shit non horse people say

“Why do you need lessons if you already know how to ride?”

“Why are you covering his eyes with that mask? Can he see?”

“Wow he’s so big”

*points at foal* “look at that pony!”

“Riding isn’t a sport, you just sit there” *flops around like dying fish on horse*

More equestrian questions
  • What do you consider "jumping high" for yourself?
  • What are your short term goals for riding? Do you think you'll reach them?
  • Long term goals for riding? Do you think you'll reach them?
  • How many barns have you been at in your riding career?
  • How many different trainers have you been with in your riding career?
  • Ever worked at a barn? What did you do?
  • Scariest thing that has happened at your barn?
  • Have you ever given a lesson? What level was the rider?
  • What is your opinion on the accuracy of critiquing riders online?
  • What is the ideal height of a horse for you?
  • How old is the youngest/greenest horse you've ridden?
  • How old is the oldest horse you've ridden?
  • Were you scared of horses when you first started riding?
  • Would you say you're a more nervous rider or a confident rider?
  • Biggest pet peeve about non-horse people around horses?
  • A time you've been scared for your life? (horse related)
  • Have you ever fallen off at show? What happened?
  • What's a breed of horse you've never ridden but would like to ride?
  • Describe the worst behaved horse you've ridden?
  • The most frustrating ride you've ever had?
  • Does your horse need shoes?
  • What do you think of the barefoot vs shoes debate?
  • Favourite season for riding?
  • How many shows do you think you've gone to?
  • Do you consider yourself a good rider?
  • How experienced do you think someone needs to be to own a horse?
  • Credits to bridle-less on tumblr
Things I wish I could tell non horse people......

1. A Pony is NOT a Baby Horse

2. There is a distinct difference between being Bucked-off and FALLING-off

3. Trotting is NOT the same thing as Galloping.

4. The horses in the field are NOT blindfolded

5. The horses in the field laying in the sun are NOT dead, they’re just napping.

6. Jumping is not what you see in the old western movies

7. You cannot just throw a saddle on ANY horse, and expect to ride it.

8. Yes it IS hard to ride a horse, no it does NOT do all the work and NO you don’t just SIT THERE.

9. True in the wild horses didn’t live in stalls, wear blankets or get their feet trimmed, but they also did not do dressage or jump 3’ with an extra 180# on their backs.

10. There’s a difference between galloping for fun and being run away with.

11. Just because my horse is a boy does not mean he is a stallion.

12. Kicking a horse in the ribs and yelling “YAAAHHH” isn’t the appropriate way to start.

13. An awful lot of the big names in the movies actually couldn’t really ride that well. The horse deserved his own award for tolerance.

14.yes… every girl at one point love horses. Well i am one of the few that is gonna stick with it! for me its not just a phase!

15. In real life, horses do not whinny constantly like they do in the movies.

16. She’s not “white”, she’s a grey.

17. No, he will not automatically kick you if you walk behind him.

18. Not *all* horses are either Beer Horses (Clydesdales) or Race Horses.

19. Just because you are a good rider doesn’t mean you no longer need a trainer.

20. Not ALL baby horses are COLTS! They’re FOALS and girl horse babies are called FILLIES! Colts are boys.

21. Getting a pony and keeping it in your backyard for the kids is not a good idea.

22. The nails in shoes are NOT sticking into the ‘feeling’ part. They horse really can’t feel the nails. I promise.

23. Rearing is not cool.

24. Just because you have children and they ask you for a pony, it doesnt mean you should get them one.

25. ALL chaps are Butt-less. If they had a butt, they’d be leather pants, wouldn’t they?

Okay but the aliens aren’t staying away because we’re warlike or smart or superior.

They’re staying away because we have dogs.

They’re staying away because we took a entire species, that’s every breed now, of these wild, scary predators and we made them love us.

How to explain the difference between hunters and jumpers to non-horse people

A hunter is like a ballerina. They’re athletes, but they are elegant, graceful, beautiful, and effortless looking. 

A jumper is like a rugby player. They’re athletes, they are fast, smart, and tough. 

things non-horse people say: rebekah & annika edition
  • them: oh you ride horses? how many races have you won?
  • them: are you a jockey?
  • them: you can ride me like your horse
  • them: can you teach me how to ride?"
  • them: i've never ridden a horse before
  • them: i rode a horse once at camp
  • them: i've galloped before
  • them: how do you cut their hair?
  • them: do they like jumping?
  • them: what are those colored sticks for?
  • them: why are they wearing coats?
  • them: *points at a pony* look at the babY AWWW
  • them: why do you need a horse belt

The fact that non horse people are wearing equestrian styles is a good thing.

Next time someone calls you the weird horse girl, look them in the eye and ask them why they dress like you then.

Then put on your sunglasses and sashay away like the bad bitch you are.