non euclidean

creepypasta (bad, for little kids): super mario’s eyes bled hyper-realistic blood and instead of the music there was someone saying “death” so i threw the game cartridge at the window.

scp entry (for intellectual, manly adults): william shakespeare’s eyes bled non-euclidean blood and the music was replaced with sad daevite poetry. we killed a d-class about it.


To avoid the wrath of the copyright gods, I’ll refrain from posting any video links to the Star Wars Holiday Special and simply remind everyone that it can be found online.

But be warned: Those who dare to look upon the greatest pop culture phenomenon of all time filtered through the schlock that was late 1970s variety television descend into an almost Lovecraftian nightmare. Just as the surreal, non-Euclidean geometry of Cthulhu’s R’lyeh does not belong in our world, neither do Harvey Korman or Bea Arthur belong in the Star Wars Universe.

breaking down the difference between game systems for cami
  • DnD: Congratulations! You found a magic sword, giving you just enough experience to level up. Now you are powerful enough to slay the dragon!
  • CoC: Condolences, you found a magic sword. The sight of its glistening non-euclidean geometry has knocked your sanity down six points, just enough to drive you irrevocably mad. You are now crazy enough to be a thrall of Dagon.
Eldrazi Meat Review

Hello, its everyone favorite Multiverse cuisine reviewer, Cid here and today we are going to try the most exotic Eldrazi meat straight from Zendikar.

Now the first thing you will notice is the smell. being made of fragments of stuff that lie between realities you will smell aromas that are well beyond your mortal comprehension. While words cant really do it justice, I think id say it smells like, a mix of calamari, non-euclidean minerals, anxiety about an unknown future, and a hint of lemon at least the closest I can get with my mortal taste-buds.

The texture and taste varies greatly based on what Titan Brood it hails from but the sample I have today is from the Emrakul brood and this daunting dame dost disappoint when it comes to a dinner date. The texture had a very wire like outside much like that of a candy like Red Vines or Twizzlers. While fun to just bite off when deep fried, when boiled or baked unraveling the outer lattice feels like eating a gum like net of wire. Unraveling is not only a real treat for those among us who hate to floss (Raises hand).

Biting into uncooked or poorly cooked Lattice at the same time fills you with…. this unmistakable sense of going in loops of dread and ecstasy. One that you have never felt before but somehow have a deep nostalgia for. You know the one, that one where somewhere deep down you have an understanding that you will die and that will be it, and the frailty of mortal life feels somehow unfair to you but also knowing that every being that has existed has also felt this too. You panic as the world around you continues as normal but you and only you seem to understand that… Th͞ing̀s…. h͘o̡r͜ri͡ble͠ t̡h̸in̵g̕s lurk just below the surface and even if you have seen alternate realities where the laws of space and time are trivial, the….  Th͞ing̀s mere existence mocks the very nature of reality and you are not only filled with despair about this but also a bizarre sence of joy, at the possibility that maybe one day you will find a way b͍E̩̪͙͈c̢̗͎͙̣̠̻͓o̮̙͈͚͉̕ME̹̱ ͕͇̜̀s͉̦͇̗̰̙̦o̳̳̪̫͕M͏̖̖͚̠͍̤E҉͓͍͔̥͍t̛̘̝̥̬h͏͉̻̭̗̟̗i̟͘n̵̠͕̗g̨̲͚̜͖̱͖ ̡̟̫͈͎̬̠ͅm̞͖̟̱̬̻͘o͙̻̳̻̖̼̰R̯͖͙Ḛ̼̥͈. ̤͍̖̪̦ This may be an allergic reaction so if your normally allergic to fish stay away from Eldrazi meat.

The actual flesh meat of the Eldrazi is rather very succulent and tender, but also tough and gamy and also hard and brittle like hard candy but most of all it has texture much like Jellyfish. My theory may be that manifesting in moral realms, and exposure a cooking wok may cause temporal contradictions and  the Eldrazi cut your using to simultaneously manifest not only in our reality where they are jellyfish like, but also manifest as more of a cloud of possibilities where countless permutations of the cut seems to all be happening at once. I recommend Goblin Salt as an all purpose so it will taste fine in any reality shape it takes at a given time.

The aftertaste of Eldrazi meat as one would expect is very fishy, again like squid and jellyfish but mixed in with the feeling of being free of the fear of death because you have found a greater calling in life and a feeling of even deeper nostalgia for things that have yet to pass or have occurred before your birth and that maybe one day.

I suggest Emrakul Brood Meat if one is ever traveling to Zendikar or Innistrad. It pairs well with white wines, and light salads and is perfect for brunch, early dinner and playing a roll in countless eon long machinations far too complicated for the mortal mind



- Nostalgic food like grandma used to make unless those are false memories
- Great for fish fans
- Abundant and cheap right now
- Enlightens t́h̛e ignorant on ̶th̕e b̨lessings o̧f m̧ot̴h͏e͏r EM͝R͟A͞K̕U͠L̵
-Great with pastas and salads

- Makes you question your place in the greater cosmos
- Manifesting as countless permutations of reality at once are bad for those with allergies as it can and will take those shapes
- 1 week shelf life unless frozen

Non-Euclidean calculus and quantum physics are enough to stretch any brain; and when one mixes them with folklore, and tries to trace a strange background of multi-dimensional reality behind the ghoulish hints of the Gothic tales and the wild-whispers of the chimney corner, one can hardly expect to be wholly free from mental tension.
—  H.P. Lovecraft “The Dreams in the Witch-House” (1933) 

anonymous asked:

If a human met an Eldritch abomination, do you think the human would try to pet it in that split second between shock and insanity?

depends on the human and the abomination, i spose. like if a snake-loving human met some sort of snake-based elder god, or if it was the Eternal Infinite Cat. i mean if an inexplicable transcendental demon existing in non-Euclidean space had fur, probably someone would want to pet it. or if it looks like that putty or w/e that people stim w/ like esp if it had sparkles and all in it probably it would elicit an ‘mmm gotta squeeze’ impulse in many

on the other hand if it tapped into humanity’s basic distaste for Looks Dead Probably Bad To Touch i dunno how many people would be petting it but uh to each their own


MP43/1 assault rifle, a StG44 by any other name
Designed by Hugo Schmeisser, the first assault rifle ever produced. Due to the non-euclidean nature of German nomenclature and bureaucracy during WW2 it was known as the MP42, MP43 and StG44, with various numbers and letters attached for various variations.
Chambered in the intermediate cartridge 7,92x33mm Kurz, with a 32-rounds magazine.

Non- Euclidean calculus and quantum physics are enough to stretch any brain; and when one mixes them with folklore, and tries to trace a strange background of multi-dimensional reality behind the ghoulish hints of Gothic tales and the wild whispers of the chimney-corner, one can hardly expect to be wholly free from mental tension.
—  H.P. Lovecraft, The Dreams in the Witch House

eldritch witchsona sketch and her coat of arms

rides around on a piece of driftwood, enjoys scrying and non euclidean jewelry, wears ink makeup, morally dubious, literally empty inside, likes long walks above the beach

I’d love to see how that works AT/UG crossover works.

Uncle Grandpa: *duplicates*
Princess Bubblegum: Perfectly natural, this being reproduces asexually at a rapid rate, like a bacteria.
Uncle Grandpa: *pulls out a giant dog out of his belly bag*
Princess Bubblegum: Clearly his bag is home to some non-euclidean space which leads to our own.
Uncle Grandpa: *creates perpetual motion, breaking the 2nd law of thermodynamics*
Princess Bubblegum: Ummm…
Princess Bubblegum: Scheiße