non clinging

its CRAZY how white/non-black people cling to AAVE like people get made fun of because they’re “ghetto” like even black people make fun of them but so quick to claim the shit they started like y’all have to cut it OUT. today. 

every other day i’m seeing white/nb people using “booboo the fool” and “bet” and the clapping in between each word (when its supposed to be every syllable but ok) like stop susie!! it ain’t cute/funny when you do it y’all stay perpetuating this modern colonization and appropriation of ghetto black culture!! GO THE FUCK AWAY!! FOREVER PLEASE&THANKS!!

I was reading a thing about how sexual/romantic gay relationships in media are more important, progressive, and necessary than platonic ones, and just… no?

Media is definitely sorely lacking in healthy romantic relationships between gay characters (especially ones where both characters survive). There is is also a problem with media that defangs its gay characters for non-LBTQA viewers by perpetually denying the idea that characters with marginalized sexualities can be, well, sexual (you know, unless it’s for the viewing enjoyment of those outside the community).

Even so, I think that the lack of platonic relationships between LGBTQA characters in media is a huge issue that needs to be addressed and talked about. Why? Have a list.

- A lot of pieces of media that include some form of gay couple then proceed to have them be the only non-straight characters clinging desperately to each other in a sea of heteronormality. Giving them some friends who are also not straight would do a lot more to normalize their identities than having them constantly be the only ones.

- Two people not being straight doesn’t necessarily make them a compatible couple. Lack of friendships and non-dating interactions between LGBTQA characters encourages this idea that if, by some stroke of luck, a non-straight individual encounters another individual of the correct orientation out in the wild, they better fall in love asap, because that’s the only open form of interaction (and also, you’ll never find anybody else).

- People’s orientations, in works of fiction, are too often conflated with who they are dating. A lesbian character gets to be a true and genuine lesbian character once she kisses another girl. A bi character is either labeled as straight or gay, depending on who they are dating. A characters orientation needs to be allowed to exist both in and outside of their relationships.

- Throwing ace and aro people under the bus in conversations about LGBTQA representation in media definitely isn’t nice.

- Basically, both romantic and non-romantic LGBTQA representation need to exist, and there needs to be *a lot* of both of them, preferably within the same pieces of media. If we are talking about a movie with ten major characters, for instance, there’s no reason not to have a lesbian couple, their currently single friend who is also a lesbian, and their other friend who is actively trying to figure out whether or not he’s ace spec.

- In a lot of progressive media there seems to be this idea that we need to create / demand a certain amount of one kind of representation before we can level up and get another. I can see where the idea came from (as sick as we all are of the Dead Gays trope, it started as a way of sneaking gay characters into media at all). I’d like to think that the time has come to get past that idea, however, and recognize that platonic and non-platonic LGBTQA representation can and should happen simultaneously.

eadgbex  asked:

Any tips for naturally starting to transition & pass pre hormones, I'm expecting my first appointment around May/June but I'm so impatient. I already, bind & pack. Any tips welcomed thank you so much in advance :)))

It’s very hard to give generic “passing tips” as everyone is different, and there are a lot of factors which go into what you’re read as as well as your physical appearance, such as mannerisms and other subtle clues which people use to make assumptions about other’s gender.  Each person has different limits as to how far they might deviate their presentation from their own personal style too.  Physical appearance factors in too, some people are fortunate enough to be read as male with little effort, others have more trouble until they have been on testosterone for a period of time.

If you mean the use of supplements and dietary changes by “natural transition”, then this is something to steer clear of.  There is very little evidence that this is useful in cis males who have the right “equipment” (testes) for it to work, it does nothing for trans people.  At best it’ll simply be a waste of money, at worst it could put excess strain on the liver and thus delay medical transition.  Just because something is natural and can be freely brought doesn’t mean that it’s safe.  There’s nothing wrong with getting into good habits with working out and eating healthily, but avoid anything claiming to boost testosterone levels naturally.

Some things which people find useful, depending on their individual struggles:

  • Wearing patterned, thicker, and non-clinging clothing on the upper body, and layering it to disguise the shape of your upper body.
  • Zip-up hoodies worn slightly open can detract from your chest and make shoulders appear broader.
  • Some people who struggle with their hips find that buying trousers which are a size up in waist but in a slimmer cut than usual works to balance things out.  Straight or slim cuts tend to be popular.
  • Some people feel that wearing trousers lower down can work to hide the backside, but this can also make you look shorter, which isn’t generally desirable.
  • Haircuts are important, but can be quite personal as to what works for someone’s face shape.  More traditional male cuts, or a short back and sides with enough left on top, can serve better than more exciting cuts.  Squaring off the side-burn area rather than allowing it to be tapered gives a more masculine appearance.
  • Shaving off the “peach fuzz” on your face can possibly help, or in the least make people feel better.  Fake facial hair is generally noticeable as being fake.
  • Working out, particularly the upper body, can help give a more masculine bodyshape.
  • Practicing speaking in a more monotone way, will less inflection, can help you voice, more so than simply trying to deepen it.  If you do attempt to deepen your voice make sure you do so safely, it can be damaged by forcing it lower.
  • There are also further tips in this guide, however I personally find some of the language less than ideal and it’s not particularly inclusive of differing body types.

There’s no rule that you have to do all of these things, or that they will help you.  You have to find what makes you feel the most comfortable, and often relaxing and not trying to “pass” actually has better results.  Confidence is often one of the most important things.

~ Alex

Chance Meeting.

Read the rest: Page 1-2, page 3-4, page 5, page 6, page 7-8, page 9-10 (spread pages), next 12-13.

I always found it hard to imagine how much pain must have been in Kenobi… especially as an empath (as the Jedi are) dealing with the emotions of others as well as his own… and trying desperately to cling to his training of non-commitment… clinging to the light like a desperately drowning man. 

More to come!

Likes are loved, but reblogs are even more so! Help spread my art by reblogging (plus I love to read your tags and reactions to my stuff)

The Metastability of The Relationship Between Brian Kinney and Justin Taylor

SO. What I’m interested in in life is connecting pieces of media to culture, and culture to media, and how the two feed off of each other.

For my study abroad travelogue I’ve been connecting ideas in our course readings to happenings in fiction and…

I ENDED UP WRITING 4,287 WORDS ABOUT BRIAN/JUSTIN.

IT’S SO LONG.

IT TOOK SO MUCH TIME.

I DON’T KNOW WHAT’S WRONG WITH ME I REALLY DON’T.

(also musical references bc I couldn’t help myself.)

It’s very QAF canon heavy, but the core ideas behind my analysis works for any couple, really, if you’d like to skim. Or if you’re just interested in Brian/Justin and not be relating it to academic writing you can definitely skim through for the feels.

I’d love it if you guys would give me some feedback; does it make sense without background knowledge of the text I was using? Does it make sense without encyclopedic knowledge of queer as folk? Is it completely incomprehensible? Am I a complete disaster?

Long post ahead.

I AM SO, SO, SORRY IF YOU’RE ON MOBILE.

Keep reading

Great Bodhisattvas perform the acts of enlightening beings throughout the future in one world, giving such things to one and all, satisfying everyone, and as they do in one world, so also do they do in all worlds in space throughout the cosmos. They cover all with great compassion, unremittingly, extending sympathy and mercy to all, providing them with what they need. They do not let conditions stop their practice of giving, and never grow weary of it, even for a moment.

When great Bodhisattvas give in this way, they give rise to these frames of mind: an unattached mind, an unfettered mind, a liberated mind, a mind of great strength, an extremely profound mind, a well concentrated mind, a non-clinging mind, a non-subjective mind, a well controlled mind, an undistracted mind, a mind without arbitrary conceptions, a mind endowed with all kinds of precious essences, a mind not seeking reward, a mind comprehending all things, a mind abiding in great dedication, a mind skillfully determining meanings, a mind to cause all sentient beings to abide in unexcelled knowledge, of mind producing the great light of truth, a mind entering omniscient knowledge.

In every moment of thought great Bodhisattvas dedicate the roots of goodness they have gathered in this way: “May all sentient beings have abundant wealth and lack nothing; may all sentient beings develop inexhaustible stores of great virtue; may all sentient beings fully experience all peace and happiness; may all sentient beings develop and extend the work of great Bodhisattvas; may all sentient beings fulfill infinite supreme qualities; may all sentient beings gain the vehicle of universal knowledge, which never rolls back; may all sentient beings see all the Buddhas of the ten directions; may all sentient beings be forever rid of the dust and dirt of confusion and delusions of the world; may all sentient beings attain pure, impartial minds; may all sentient beings be free from difficulties and attain omniscience.

Avatamsaka Sutra - 629, 630

Note on the image: Thousand armed Avalokiteshvara extending the hand of mercy.

anonymous asked:

Can you speak on detachment, specifically in romantic relationships? I am happy with myself and do not feel that I 'need' a partner, yet I still struggle with confusing detachment with indifference.

Detachment is a good enough word although it conveys a sense of “something.” It suggests detachment is some sort of added or extra feeling. This is too much. 

Using the term “non-attachment” may better frame this for you. Non-attachment means not adding something extra. 

By all means, relate to other people! Love them, feel them, let yourself experience what is here to be experienced. But do not cling. 

We cling because we want to make an experience last longer, or even to make it permanent. But the truth is that our clinging does not prolong an experience, it only muddles it. Through our clinging comes fear, insecurity, and anxiety, which poison the pure experiencing. Furthermore, no experience can be permanent. If we resist this truth we suffer, if we flow with it then we heal and grow.

Detachment seems to suggest that you should keep a distance. Non-attachment simply means not to cling. Non-attachment does not preclude intimacy. 

Of course you do not need a partner. But you may find a partner all the same! Someone with whom you enjoy spending time and sharing intimacy. It is simple to remember you are whole when you don’t have a partner, it is more challenging to remember that wholeness when you do have a partner. If you don’t remember this, you may find yourself becoming co-dependent and less self-reliant in certain ways. 

Remember that a relationship is about what you bring to it, the ingredients you add to the stew. It’s not about what you take but what you create and enjoy together. 

Yet in the end all relationships are temporary too. They have a lifespan. Even if their lifespan is the lifespan of your body, it all ends. To find peace with this too, you must go within and know that placeless place in which we are all one. 

A book I highly recommend is The Places That Scare You by Pema Chodron. 

Namaste :) Much love. 

glittergal666  asked:

how do I become less clingy to someone and have a more peaceful mind when they don't want to hangout with me

There is a quote attributed to Buddha I quite like: “You only lose what you cling to.”

More than just something we apply when people don’t conform to our expectations, this notion of non-clinging must become part of our state of mind. 

The general idea is that the act of clinging itself overshadows the reasons for which you may cling. Maybe you love someone, maybe you enjoy their company, maybe they stimulate your curiosity and intellect, maybe they make you laugh. 

The moment you start clinging, however, those experiences begin to change. The clinging takes up more and more space and those positive elements have less and less room to be experienced. 

The implicit perspective behind clinging is fear and poverty-mind. In the example of love, you may cling to someone that you love because you have misidentified the source of the love you feel. You think it comes from them and you forget it comes from your own heart. You fear to lose them as that “source” of love because without it you feel that there is no love to be found–all the while forgetting that you have it within you. This not only means you start treating people like objects from which to attain love but it also reduces the depth of your experience of it. 

Furthermore, imagine an addict who sits at work all day just thinking about the moment they can get home to indulge their addiction. And then when they finally get home to do so, a moment of relief is experienced before they already start thinking about how it will soon be over and they will have to go back to work the next day. This is called false refuge and it is where clinging leads. It creates a cycle that makes this world appear like a sea of suffering with small islands of happiness sprinkled far and wide between. Lasting peace cannot be found from transient circumstances.

Once you apply your attention to thoroughly investigate this situation and see for yourself the way your mindset is creating suffering, it becomes easier to let go. Once you realize you are clinging to a hot coal, you do not need motivation to release it. 

Due to the habits of the mind, this can be very difficult. We may manage to let go one day and wake up the next already clinging again. Patience and persistence is necessary, as it was the same persistence that created the momentum of this habit in the first place. 

Daily meditation practice will greatly expedite this process. While you think your attachment is to a person or thing, your attachment is really to an idea or perception in your mind. Therefore it must be addressed on that level. 

In meditation, you learn to ease up the clinging of your mind as well as the fear and repulsion of your mind. You focus your attention and sit with relaxation as best you can. If horrible experiences arise, you do not push them away or reject them. If bliss and peace wash over you, you do not cling to them. No temptation, no fear. 

When you do catch your mind engaging in those habits or you find that you have wandered down a train of thought, you simply and gently bring your attention back to the focus of the meditation. 

I know it is counterintuitive but this is how you find happiness and peace. It is not something you obtain from objects or circumstances but something you uncover within and then learn to radiate freely. 

Namaste

0ccidentalist  asked:

Hello Lazyyogi, how can I detach and stay detached?

Detachment is not a state you maintain. It is an inward-pulling current. 

Either we are going outward with our minds and attachments into what appears to us as a world or we are going in what appears as inward with our attention only to discover we are the placeless place that is all. 

To detach means to come back to yourself. It doesn’t matter if you are attached to family, a lover, a pet, or a sentimental object. All such attachments are only thoughts. All such beautiful and wondrous things are impermanent. You can enjoy them and appreciate them but you cannot maintain a lasting connection with them via impermanent means. Not the body, not the mind, not even the emotions.

In our culture, we often equate such futile attachment with love. It is little more than romanticized consumerism. 

By coming back to yourself and continuing inward, you uncover a communion with any and all things. It is the essence of what you seek by going outward, by adhering to attachments. It may sound selfish to go within and yet in doing so you discover that you are not a human being alone. 

How to approach this indescribable knowledge? By practicing it. This is one such benefit of daily meditation. Detachment is cultivated by abiding without preference. Pleasant thoughts come and you let them go. Unpleasant thoughts arise and you do not resist them. You rest in and as awareness, the space in which all of these come and go. That is practicing detachment. You aren’t thinking “detachment…detachment…detachment” while trying to maintain it. 

Another practice is Tonglen. Tonglen forces us to let go of excessive self-cherishing so that we can rejoice in the happiness and good fortune of others while also helping to ease their burden of suffering in our own way. 

Practicing mindfulness and body-awareness throughout the day is another way. Giving offerings to the divine is another form of detachment. Offering your body, mind, and speech to the divine. Serving others and participating in charity is another form of detachment. 

Detachment is not without consideration or emotion. It is non-clinging wisdom and love. There is no need to hold someone or something else in your palm while you are both resting in the lap of the divine. Be there together and in your beingness you will know the place in you that will never separate from one another–that was never separate. 

Namaste

The Story of Job: How Yahweh Wins a Bar Bet with Satan

The book of Job in the Hebrew Bible is unique. It seeks to explain why bad things happen to good people. The evidence suggests that it was an ancient tale from Sumer which found its way into the Bible through Babylon. It is interesting to note that this is the ONLY place in the Bible where Satan has the power to harm people directly rather than as a tempter leading them astray.

Satan in this story is not the snake from Eden nor his he the goat legged horned creature we now associate with “the devil”. Satan means adversary in the sense of a prosecuting attorney. Satan literally bets God that Job a good man, a prosperous man only loves God because God gives him things and will curse God if they are taken from him. So, God grants Satan the power to take it all away which he does. Job loses his flocks and servants to fire from heaven, his children through a tempest. Then Job is afflicted with boils and reduced to sitting naked on a pile of manure.

Never does Job curse God. Instead he evokes God through an ancient Hebrew spell and demands to be put on trial and claims his innocence. This was back in the days when you could summon God with the right words. God duly shows up but God never answers him but says “where were you when I laid the foundations of the Earth? This shuts Job up and he realizes that he is nothing compared to God. He has a spiritual transformation. Incidentally this section of the book contains some of the most poetic and beautiful language in the entire Bible.

Now, this is where the original story ends but later scholars tacked on a Hollywood ending where Job gets it all back and lives another 140 years as a great leader of his people. What is the moral of this strange story? It is that when bad things happen to good people we must accept them and bear them with patience, the patience of Job. Acceptance and non clinging to material things. A very Buddhist concept found in this ancient Jewish tale.

๑ Samsaran ๑s