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OFFICIAL SPEAK YOUR LANGUAGE DAY: Cursing in French + relevant sentences when in a fandom ( French edition)

Hi Tumblr!

Today, it’s the official “Speak your language day” on Tumblr. I’m French, from Paris, so here are some expressions that are gonna be very useful if you visit my town one day (in part 1) + some fandom related expressions (in part 2) + other stuff! Alors, merci qui?

Part I: Cursing and insulting people how to survive in Paris.

Go fuck yourself: Va te faire foutre, va te faire enculer, va chier

Shut up: Ta gueule, ferme-la

You are a bunch of assholes: Vous êtes une bande de bâtards, vous êtes une bande de trous du cul

Look at these fucking bobos(1) with their fucking Vélibs(2): Regarde-moi ces putains de bobos avec leurs putains de Vélibs (1. Bobos= bourgeois-bohème, sort of unbearable French hipsters - 2. Vélibs: Bikes that you can rent a bit everywhere in Paris)

Move your fucking car, asshole: bouge ta caisse, hé, connard!

Why don’t you go have a walk on the motorway, jackass?: Pourquoi t'irais pas faire un tour sur l'autoroute, connard? (or “connasse” if you are talking to a woman)

The day when ______, you’ll be on the cover of Vogue, bitch: le jour où _______, tu seras en couverture de Vogue, pétasse.

I can’t stand your fucking face: Je ne peux pas blairer ta putain de tronche.

The subway is on strike again, fuck it!: Le métro est encore en grève, fait chier!

I’m fed up of these bloody piegons: J'en ai marre de ces putains de pigeons.

I’m hungry as hell but there’s nothing open in this fucking town: Je crève la dalle mais y'a rien d'ouvert dans cette putain de ville!

(if you are a pirate at a tavern): Barkeep! Give us something to drink or I fuck the dog: Tavernier! A boire ou j'encule le chien!

I’m paying my taxes!: Je paye mes impôts! (basically, the ultimate sentence used by the French to justify absolutely everything and anything. Ex: I’m not racist, I pay my taxes! - It maybe doesn’t make a lot of sense to you but for us, it does.)

Part II: Relevant to your interest, fandom edition

I could spend my night counting one by one Jensen Ackles’ freckles: Je pourrais passer la nuit à compter une par une les taches de rousseur de Jensen Ackles.

Misha Collins, you and your blue eyes are ruining my life: Misha Collins toi et tes yeux bleus, vous me pourrissez la vie.

If Jared Padalecki comes knocking at my door, he won’t sleep in the bathtub: Si Jared Padalecki vient sonner à la maison, il ne dormira pas dans la baignoire:

Chris Evans has the shoulders-waist ratio of a dorito and the finest ass ever. He can crush at my place too, particularly if he brings his uniform: Chris Evans a le ratio taille-épaules d'un dorito et le plus beau cul de la planète. Il peut venir dormir à la maison aussi, particulièrement s'il ramène son uniforme.

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