nobody's probably even reading these

okay so i tried my hand at writing for the first time in Years and idk if it’s any good?? idk its just Neil being introspective more that anything, mostly about andrew,, idk,, pls be nice to me it been so long since ive written 

In his 19 years of life Neil Josten had concerned himself with one thing: survival. He knew the concept like he knew every ugly blemish that marred his torso, like he knew the insistent need to get out of there perpetually lodged in his throat, like he knew the feel of cold steel against warm flesh again again again. That is to say he knew what it meant to survive intimately so. Neil knew how to shoot a man to make him bleed out without fatality and he knew how to kill a man without leaving a trace. The snik of a lock successfully picked, the consuming smoke and fire in his lungs, in his throat, on his tongue, the ricochet of a bullet and the resounding finality of the resultant echo were all sensations Neil had familiarised himself with over the years. Fear was something that had woven itself between Neil’s fingertips, burned behind eyes and weighted down his tongue. Intimacy meant feeling his mother’s heartbeat roaring in his ears on those nights it was too close, it was the back of his mother’s hand and the side of his face when he looked too long, it was Lola’s breath on his neck, hot and heavy.

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Why the AoT fandom is the worst I know

I’ve had this in my head for a while now and even though I know probably nobody will read this, I just have to get it off my mind.

First of all, I’m one of the few people who’s on the side of the warriors. I really like their characters and completely understand the situation they’re in, so I personally think their actions are justified. However, if other characters are your favorites, I’m totally fine with that. This post is not supposed to get you to like a character you don’t sympathize with, it’s just to get some people to think what Attack on Titan is even about.

The story and perspective of the main characters got weird to me when they fought Reiner and Bertolt in Shiganshina. Suddenly I couldn’t sympathize with the main cast one bit anymore and it really bothered me, especially because Bertolt died, a character I personally really love and appreciate.

Being a fan of the series since 2014, I met many people in the fandom which I didn’t question back then, but when I think about it now I just straight up get angry. I guess almost every fan got into the series because it was/is mainstream, so it’s understandable there are a lot of different people in the fandom. But to be honest, never have I ever experienced such an ignorant fandom.

Like, 75% just watch Attack on Titan because they think Levi is hot and badass and because they ship the all so popular Ereri. I have absolutely no problem if Levi or Eren or Mikasa or whatever character is your favorite. I also don’t care what ships you ship. But I do care when people start ignoring other characters or even the story itself because of their weird obsessions over a fictional character or couple.

Attack on Titan isn’t a series for lazy brains. Every damn character fights their own war, there is no good or evil side. And it’s making me sick seeing people all over the fandom who don’t see or appreciate the quality of Hajime Isayama’s work.

Please, do every sane person in the fandom a favor and give other characters besides the main cast (including Levi and Erwin) a chance. Give the story a chance. Because it’s great and it deserves much more love.

It’s okay if you don’t like the Warriors. But please stop begging for the main cast just because you want to see how much hotter Levi or Eren got after the timeskip. Because if you do that, there’s no point for you to even read the manga because apparently you don’t understand what Attack on Titan is even about.

sexuality, twitter, babygate, management, and louis: a messy rant

Okay. This is just a rant that nobody would probably even read but I’ll give it a shot because I believe there’s no other larries to be found within 50 meter radius of this shithole I’m in and I. Just. Need. To. Say. This. Or else I’ll get even more crazy than I already am.

I have made very little and a tad bit lazy research about the things I’m going to talk about, so my opinions are no way the most credible one out there. I’m just going to voice out what I have known and read from the fandom from the moment I have engaged in this roller coaster that is larry stylinson. I started 2012, if that matters.

I’ll also probably get hated for this but here goes.  


From what I have read and from what I have chosen to believe from the things I’ve read, both of them are bisexual. However, Harry seems to be embracing his sexuality more daringly and freely than Louis. No way to confirm this, I know. But.

Harry never seems to like being correlated with girls in interviews. For example, when OT4 played Never Have I Ever with Ellen, she blatantly threw questions to Harry about Taylor Swift and his history with older women. Harry seemed dismissive and even slightly annoyed (in Harry’s way) by those questions, as he always seem to be whenever his womanizer image is being brought up. I have watched other interviews to support this claim, but I can’t remember exactly where. I myself believe that sexuality cannot be judged simply because of certain stigmatized behaviors. However, I have seen videos and gifs with Harry not “acting” very masculine especially in concerts. I mean, if I’m close-minded and thankfully I’m not, I’d call Harry gay simply because of his behaviors. Moreover, Harry’s the one who seem to be the most supportive of Rainbow Direction, the one running around with rainbow flags, the one carrying a rainbow mug in Drag Me Down music video. In conclusion, I’d say that Harry is definitely sexually fluid and definitely not straight. Plus, I’ve seen Harry’s pictures with his first girlfriend Felicity Skinner, and they looked genuinely happy together.

Louis, on the other hand, seem to know how to play the sexuality games really well. He seem to be more willing to have beards and be a dad. He’s also, unfortunately, to the public eye, slightly homophobic. He’s definitely not as supportive as Harry about Rainbow Direction. For one, I think it’s because Louis is older so he knows how things work in the industry. I’m not saying Harry doesn’t, but Louis’ a couple more years of existence have probably made him aware of how venomous society is when it comes to sexuality. It probably have made him bitter and scared (search: internalized homophobia). In addition, he’s the one who’s been in a long-term relationship with a beard and the one who’s been publicized to be a father soon. I’ve also seen his pictures with his first serious girlfriend, Hannah Walker, and well, it seemed legit. In conclusion, he’s also bisexual.  

Back in the fetus days and when larry stylinson is still allowed to be asked in interviews (I’m not saying it’s not, but I’m throwing a few cents here), Louis seemed to be the more confident one in responding to the question about the fan’s “genuine” belief of their romance.  Harry’s body language is very closed during these moments, but Louis handled the situation a lot better, almost with practice.


Another thing, and this thing I do hate, is Louis’ twitter vomits. I have been discouraged and hurt many times by the things he tweeted concerning larry and the LGBT, but whenever I remember that Louis has a sharp tongue - a tongue that he himself have sharpened because he needed it to defend himself, I forgive him. You know what tweets I’m talking about. Especially the one when he went all gaga when we were so proud of him for wearing a shirt with a rainbow apple. Okay that still hurts. Skip.

There was a time when, whenever I run out of reasons to believe that Larry is real, I remind my self that Louis and Harry have never denied it. But then, after going over Louis’ tweets concerning Larry, that argument felt weak. Because despite not actually mentioning the words confirming that he’s not in a relationship with Harry, the implications of his words/tweets are not far from that. I know management can control their twitter account, but I’ve been following Louis long enough to discern which tweets are his and which ones are for promos. The only consolation is that he haven’t denied it in front of a camera for the world to see. I guess that would be too real, for him, and for us.
When it comes to Larry Stylinson or sexuality, Louis, on one hand, can put on a very convincing mask and make it look like it’s his true self. He can speak lies and make it sound like truths. It’s not meant to hurt anyone, it’s just his way of dealing with the difficulty of his situation. On the other hand, Harry is more reserved. He can’t speak of the truth, but he’s trying and is not afraid to show it. Louis is strong but Harry is brave.

Babygate is, probably the most tragic and insane stunt that the management have pulled. Zayn leaving have pulled rags under our feet, but we’ve always known the boys can’t be together always. The whole thing is still shady af, but we’ve managed to come to terms with it.

Louis’ having a baby, however, is just a disaster. There’s just so many reason that this is wrong, but what concerns me the most is how this is hurting Louis’ image. His name have graced the headlines a lot of times in a span of a few months. Which is the goal, I think, because they needed something to distract the fans from Zayn leaving and Louis is probably going to be an X-factor judge during the hiatus. He broke up with his long-time girlfriend only to be seen kissing a girl in a pool the next day. He shades NaughtyPig and Zayn over twitter. And the worst of all, he impregnates Briana Jungwhatever.

There is no way, no way in hell to know if he’s really the father or if the baby is even real. Larry shippers, natural detectives as we are, have found holes in the whole story. We’ve also heard how “buzzin’” Louis is about it. We’ve learn about how much time he’s going to spend with the baby during the break (oops we didn’t). We have that, we have theories, we have facts, we have observations, but we don’t really have the truth. A few months from now a certain “truth” will come out of the headlines (The Sun, I’ll bet), but even then we’ll never know if it really is the truth. So as much as I want to believe that the baby isn’t real, I can’t. I’m not saying it’s real, either. But the fact that we are able to chuck out the possibility of a baby, an actual human being, in the category of publicity stunts, is too much for me. Even if it isn’t real or Louis isn’t the father, the outcomes will still be devastating because it’s a BABY.

And that, the fact that Louis acknowledge (grudgingly and with apathy, I know) that he is having a baby soon, is the biggest blow in my faith in larry. Because just how much Louis Tomlinson is willing to pay to hide that he is in a relationship with Larry? What is he willing to do? I can deal with rumors, shady tweets, or beards. Just, just not a baby. That’s too much.

NOW, MANAGEMENT (This is the part where I might get hate)
What bothers me the most is the fact that Louis agreed with all of this. I know, management. But I refuse to believe that they have zero control over the things that the management put them through. They have contract, I know, and none of us have any idea what kind of contract they have signed, but I am confident that they are still allowed to decide. I can blame management for the absence of larry interactions for the past years (even though I don’t), but Louis being rumored having a baby? I can’t blame that to them. That’s Louis. He may have not liked the idea, but he’s still participating. I refuse to believe that he doesn’t have any call to that, that’s absurd. I want to stop blaming the management for all the shit that’s happening. It’s true, they are perpetuators, they have control, but I believe the boys still has autonomy. They wouldn’t sign a contract stating that they should follow orders blindly. Okay, maybe Louis didn’t have a choice about Eleanor, maybe it’s in his contract to have a beard, maybe. But agreeing to be a father to a baby? With a girl he met and apparently shagged from a club? I don’t think he should have agreed with that. I’m questioning the morality of it.

And if Larry is really real, just imagine what kind of catastrophe awaits them when they come out. The more publicities like this, more girlfriends, and more denials that they do, the more difficult it will be for them to come out someday. All those things will be held against them. At least I think so. Because, for the most part, they have lied to the public. To the fans. I’m not saying that they owe us the truth, but I like to think that to some extent, they do.

But if they do come out, I’ll rejoice. That’s all I’ll be doing. Probably for a month. I’ll think of these consequences again, but I’ll be happy for them first. I also think that, if they do go through hell with the media or the fans or the world after coming out, it’s gonna be okay. It’s gonna be the most wonderful thing because they’re finally free. And they’ll have us.

(I’m a hardcore Louis girl, by the way. He keeps hurting me, I know. But it’s always the bad boys, isn’t it?)

insert-punny-username-here  asked:

Hey. I just saw your Undertale Morse code post. In what order did you read the dots and dashes? Did you translate directly from the FIGHT screen you posted?

i tried reading the markings in a multitude of different orders, and i tried “reversing” the dots and dashes, as in reading a dash as a dot and a dot as a dash. as i said, i don’t really know if this has any meaning to it. 

“—” translates to an “O”

“-.” is an “N”

read in a straight line “-.-.” means “C”

read straight “-_-_” (with the dashes as underscores) means “AA” - where i’ll be going if i keep theorizing like this.. 

“–” is “M”


“..” is an “i” (where things start to go fuzzy)

there are many ways this could be read, and ive considered reading the dots and dashes as the black and white line hits them, but it didn’t seem to hold much.

but there is no denying that there’s 

N O - O - Y   C A M -

(it probably doesn’t even read “but nobody came” but im just using that as an example as it fits)

E is a single dash.. but i cannot find a “…” to create a B (-…) so i don’t really know where to go from here

again, idk. suggestions and others looking into this would be greatly appreciated :)) 

thanks for the question!