nobody screws with me

The Weepies - Nobody Knows Me At All (cover)
Nemerk

@myrobotlandlord, thanku uwu

this song is a bit relatable, so i had a lot of fun recording! enjoy!

parkerroos masterlist

“i find a solace in the words that i write.”

last updated : september sixteenth

most recent : drive in with sam headcanons [sam holland]

*300+ notes

°personal favorites


imagines/fics

temporary 1 | 2

fearless

shiver°

macarena

a lovely night

oops 1 | 2

calm

daffodils

nobody*

uneasy°

terror

dance with me

nightmares*

good girl

poetry°

screw it°

impressive

city lights

freckles

hearts don’t break around here


drabbles/blurbs

1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6*° | 7 | 8 | 9° | 10° | 11 |

blurb night!


headcanons

1°* | 2 |


moodboards/snaps

1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 |

me in class today: *being bored as usual*

random classmate: what is the date today?

teacher: 22/02/2017

me: wait.. 2022 *has a heart attack* WHAT

me: ok everybody is staring… 

me: *whispers* phan wedding mmmMMMMMM

me: SCREW IT

classmates: wut

teacher:

me: *sobs*

✰ * º ❛ how to lose a guy in 10 days sentence starters. ❜

          (   part of the rom com series   )

‘  our love fern! you let it die!  ’
‘  no, honey. it’s just sleeping.  ’
‘  unattached?  ’
‘  psycho?  ’
‘  interested?  ’
‘  hungry?  ’
‘  you can’t lose something you never had.  ’
‘  i’m gonna make you wish you were dead.  ’
‘  poor guy.  ’
‘  listen, you can’t name my… member princess sophia.  ’
‘  is she on something?  ’
‘  are you saying i’m some kind of mental person?  ’
‘  true or false: all’s fair in love and war.  ’
‘  let’s take a break because the woman is driving me crazy.  ’
‘  so that’s what i was, huh? i was a guinea pig. somebody you can test you theories on?  ’
‘  i was just a girl somebody picked out in a bar.  ’
‘  you know what? big deal!  ’
‘  hell, i’m sure now you can even use it as a little twist in your story.  ’
‘  that’s a good idea. maybe we should bet on it.  ’
‘  you wanted to lose a guy in ten days, congratulations, you just did it. you lost him.  ’
‘  you’re the first girl he ever brought home.  ’
‘  don’t you break his heart.  ’
‘  the one night that we even thought about having sex, she up and decides she’s going to name my penis princess sophia.  ’
‘  you owe me three hundred bucks.  ’
‘  c’mon, blow. nobody likes a mr. sniffles.  ’
‘  i hate mr. sniffles.  ’
‘  do you have an ethical problem with rifling through a woman’s purse?  ’
‘  it’s hardly a purse, dude. it’s more like a clutch or something.  ’
‘  a woman’s purse is the secret source of power.  ’
‘  there are many dark and dangerous things in there, that we, the male species, should know nothing about it.  ’
‘  my boyfriend thinks i’m fat!  ’
‘  so, tell me, how long have you guys been seeing each other?  ’
‘  i love you, binky… but i don’t have to like you right now.  ’
‘  you see, the key to this game is being able to read people.  ’
‘  where’s the sexy, cool, fun, smart, beautiful you i met?  ’
‘  you’re up, you’re down, you’re here, you’re there – you’re like a frickin’ one woman circus.  ’
‘  due to intense humiliation, the king has momentarily abdicated his throne, okay?  ’
‘  take care of our love fern, honey.  ’
‘  now i’m going to go back inside and finish watching ‘sleepless in seattle’. nobody screw with me.  ’
‘  i don’t think i can be with someone who doesn’t like animals and thinks i’m a mental person.  ’
‘  look, just give me back the necklace and then you guys can go kill each other.  ’
‘  oh, you are never going to pull this off.  ’
‘  tonight, i’ll hook a guy. tomorrow, pull the switch. before the ten days are up, i’m going to have this guy running for his life.  ’
‘  you’re not going to burn his apartment down or bite him, or anything?  ’
‘  the whole family suffers from tourette’s, i hope that’s not a problem.  ’
‘  *points to crotch* does princess sophia want to come out and play?  ’
‘  drunk and tone-deaf is not a good combination.  ’
‘  you named my penis after a dame!  ’
‘  you’re so vain.  ’
‘  you probably think this song is about you. you probably think this song is about you, don’t you?  ’
‘  you fooled me to win a bet and you should feel ashamed.  ’
‘  you took me to a goddamn celine dion concert.  ’
‘  you made me miss the big game!  ’
‘  oh, smart guy’s a rhymer!  ’
‘  do we want everyone to know that you’re love making is lame?  ’
‘  you know, i really think you have to get over that.  ’
‘  c’mon, you’re so vain. you know that this song is about you, don’t you?  ’
‘  is this true or are you just trying to sell magazines?  ’
‘  i meant every word.  ’
‘  where are you going?  ’
‘  no, i’m not buyin’ that. i think you’re running away.  ’
‘  why don’t you save your mind games for your next bet?  ’
‘  bullshit.  ’
‘  you heard me: bullshit.  ’
‘  i love everything about this house… the noise, the smells.  ’
‘  when your mom hugged me today, she really hugged me… for winning a game of bullshit.  ’
‘  okay, that’s it. that’s good. at least you’re scaring me.  ’
‘  i’m taking this love fern with me!  ’
‘  you gotta watch him, he farts like a howitzer, but he’s family.  ’
‘  why do they always forget my bacon?  ’
‘  i can’t believe you got that guy knocked out.  ’
‘  when are you seeing him again?  ’
‘  disgusting! i can barely eat over here.  ’
‘  i have to crack this guy. i mean, this is defcon 5 and i have to do something truly appalling.  ’
‘  like, do blondes, like, do they have more fun?  ’
‘  hanging out with her for ten days is gonna be no problem.  ’
‘  oh, you are already falling in love with me.  ’
‘  you’re not a therapist, are you?  ’
‘  seven days isn’t like a lifetime or anything but…  ’
‘  smile. now give me a smile.  ’

Bar Sinister (pt 3)

Summary: You make a deal with Negan to save your friend Daryl’s life. But when you can’t give Negan the child he wants, you ask Daryl to help make it happen.

Pairings: Daryl x Reader, some Negan x Reader

Chapter: 3/?

Word Count: 4,651

Warnings: Language, smut, unprotected sex (obviously), dub-con?**, angst

**It’s pretty consensual honestly, but Negan is an asshole so I’m putting a warning anyway.

Originally posted by talkinboutmyimagination

At first glance, Negan’s bedroom was just like the harem, bathed in both lamplight and candlelight. It sported the same plants and plush cushions, but the rest of the décor made it imposing. Stuffed animal heads stared at you. There were five paintings on the walls and all of them were illustrations of snakes. There was even a skull on the trophy shelf.

This, combined with the fact that all of his furniture was black, made the dimly lit room feel like it belonged to a Victorian ghost story.

“I know,” Negan whispered in your ear, his hand on your lower back. He was letting you ‘admire’ the room from the doorway. “You can hardly believe your luck. If I was you? I’d feel the same way. I’m sure it’s not like the pretty little house you shared with Daryl… that nice little suburban place with running water and flowerbeds,” he smirked, leading you towards the bed. Even the bed sheets were black.

“But you see this? This antique oak four-poster is where queens are made. Because as soon as you lay down with me in that bed, there ain’t nobody alive who’s gonna screw with you!” he stepped right in front of you, chewing his lip and grinning as you looked up at him. “And nobody alive who’s gonna screw you… except for me. That clear darlin’?”

Keep reading

Drunk Joker x Drunk Reader -  “Double the trouble”

You and the Joker don’t drink very often, but when you do you have to take turns. One always has to watch the other to make sure things are not going…south. And if it happens that you both go down in flames and glory, the burden to keep an eye on both will fall on Frost. He so loves it…Yeap.   T___T

You just had one drink and stopped, J had about 6 and you cut him off because he’s already drunk. You tried to put him to sleep fast so he won’t bother you because you want to watch scary movies all night. You lured him in bed and right now you are uncomfortable as hell. Why? Because he loves to spoon with you, arms crossed on your boobs, holding them tight like his life depends on them. That is the only way he would sleep when he’s drunk. And you can’t wait to get away from the uncomfortable position. You try to take one hand away and he’s nuzzling in your hair, mumbling:
“No…no…”

Dammit, first attempt failed. After 5 minutes, you try again, even slower this time, careful not to wake him up. It worked, but you know he might wake up if he doesn’t feel you. You make a run for the kitchen, grab two personal size watermelons and rush back to the master bedroom. You place them in between his arms and cross them on top of the fruits. He smiles in his sleep and squeezes them to his chest, happy. Have fun with your melons, Mister J. Mine are coming with me.

You snap a pic on your phone and send it to Frost downstairs:

“Ain’t he cute, Frosty?”

Jonny gets the picture, snorts and starts laughing, not really associating the word cute and Joker in the same sentence.

You go to the living room and start watching “Lights out.”

10 minutes into the movie and you hear J’s steps dragging on the granite floor.

“Princess? Where are you?” he whines, rubbing his eyes.

Crap, no!!!!! Why is he awake?!

You sigh:

“Over here, baby.” The Joker comes and sits by you on the couch, having a hard time concentrating. After 6 drinks, you bet ‘cha.

“Y/N, why are there watermelons in our bed?” he sulks, sniffling.

“I have no idea, handsome,” you innocently reply, trying to distract him.” Let’s get you back to bed, hmm?” you muster the brightest smile you can, trying to convince him.

“No, I want strawberries,” J pulls back on the couch when you try to lift him.

Great!!! Just go back to sleep dude.

“OK, I’ll go get you some.” You know you have to, otherwise he won’t shut up.

“I’m coming with you,” he gets up and grabs the hem of your t-shirt, following your steps. You roll your eyes: Make up your mind.

“You don’t have to.”

“No, I’m coming, you might leave me again.”

So needy when he’s drunk.

He drags a chair on the way to the sink, not letting go of your t-shirt and resting his head on your hip while you wash the strawberries.

“Done, let’s go back.”

He doesn’t say anything, he follows you back on the couch like a puppy, finally letting go of your t-shirt when you sit down again.

“What are we watching, Pumpkin?”

“A scary movie, baby.”

“Feed me,” he demands and you close your eyes, exasperated. Why won’t you go back to sleep?!

“Kaayyy, here,” you keep on giving him one fruit at a time, thrilled at least he’s quiet so you can continue the movie. After a while, you look over to him to see why he’s not eating the last strawberry. He’s dosing off. Yes!!!! Thank you God!

You try to lift your butt off the couch so you can place the bowl on the glass table in front of the TV. Wrong move.

“Where are you going?” he complains, grabbing your t-shirt and pulling you back on the couch, wrapping his arms around your waist.

“Nowhere…” you grumble, disappointed. He shifts so he can place his head on your knees.

“What are we watching, Pumpkin?”

You roll your eyes again.

“A scary movie, baby.”

“Gimme that black marker,” he suddenly signals towards it. You reach your hand and grab it from the chair.

“What are you doing with it, J ?”

“Stuff,” he shortly answers. You give him what he asked for and he starts drawing on his left arm. Since he’s preoccupied with something, you can pay attention to the movie again. After about 15 minutes, he shoves his arm in your face:

“This is my next tattoo,” he proudly states with a wide smirk.

“Would you look at that, it looks great, baby: I love my wife. And who might that be?!” you inquire, pretending to be puzzled while you slowly take your wedding ring off behind your back and hide it in your pocket.

He lifts his head up for a few seconds.

“Well, you, who else?”

“We’re not married,” you try to contain your laughter. Man, at least you can tease him to the maximum, this way it’s fun for you.
“Wh-whaaa’? Why not?!” he frowns, looking you in the eyes from your lap.

You caress his green hair, biting your lip so you look serious.

“You asked and I said no.”

“What??!!! But why???!!!  I’m such a catch! ” J is stunned and you are so entertained.

“Meehhh,” you lift your shoulders with an indifferent expression on your face.

His mouth opens with indignation:

“This is soooo not cool, Doll; I’m the Joker, I am a catch and you have to marry me.”

“Maybe,” you answer, absent minded, really wanting to continue your movie.

He takes your hands and kisses them both.

“Marry meeeeeeee, marry me, marry meeeeeeee, marry meeeeeeeeeee,” he keeps on begin over and over again, annoying the crap out of you.

“FINE!!!” you shout so he will be quiet again.

“I win,” he smiles to himself, victorious. He abruptly gets up, getting down on his knees in front of you. He’s rubbing his eyes again. Please just go to sleep.

“I’m horny, Princess,” he blurs out, crawling in between your legs. “Let’s go, take care of my needs!”

“I’m watching a movie, J.”
“I-I-I, I- I don’t care,” he stammers, so amazed you dare telling him no. “I am more important. I want you, NOW! Get naked!” he impatiently pulls down on your skirt.

You sigh. Of course you want him too, but it would be nice to finish this movie.

“Hey, Jaaayyy,”you seductively whisper, taking his hands in yours and placing them on your thighs. “We’ll have some wild sex, but first let’s drink some more, hmmmm?” you try to convince him, hoping that after a few more drinks he’ll be out cold.

“Really, you’ll drink with me?” he licks his lips, trying to keep his head straight.

“Oh, yeah, baby, then we’ll…(you kiss him) have (kiss) so much (kiss) fun (kiss).”

“All right,” he grins, anticipating the crazy night you promised him. His blue eyes sparkle with content.

You bring the whiskey over and plan just to take a few sips, this way you don’t get plastered.

“Come on, Y/N, drink”, he keeps on urging you and you have to.

Shit, you got drunk too.

***Frost wonders if everything is OK, he knows his boss is drunk and you are supervising him. He decides to check up on you and see if you might need help; J can be a handful when he’s inebriated. The elevator’s doors open up and he steps in the penthouse. Why is it so dark?! He turns on the light and the first thing he sees is you making out with the Joker in the middle of the living room.

You let out a surprised scream and hide behind J who is protectively holding you now with both hands behind his back.

“Oh my God, Frosty, don’t look, we’re naked!” you shout, embarrassed, slurring your words. Mister J is just shirtless, your t-shirt is lifted and you short skirt is pulled down low on your hips, but that’s it.

“Ummm, you’re not naked,” he points out but you don’t believe him. You slowly reach your hands from behind J and cover his nipples with your fingers.

“Don’t look, Frosty, this is so embarrassing,” you almost start crying, upset.

J looks down at your palms covering his nipples, his green hair falling on his face:

“Thank you, Princess.”

“You’re not naked, believe, me, ok?” Jonny tries to reason with you again.

“Are you saying my girl’s a liar?” the Joker snaps, growling at his henchman.

God dammit, Frost thinks, panicked, taking a deep breath. The emergency response team (which is you) is down. Now it’s up to the crisis task force (which is him) to take over. Frost needs to babysit you two now and make sure you don’t burn down the penthouse or worse. He’s seen it all.

“I will just go and make some very strong coffee, OK?” he nods his head, trying to stay positive.

None of you answer; you still hide behind J, convinced you’re naked, but finally take your hands down, uncovering his nipples. The Joker gives him a dirty, mean look.

Frost goes in the kitchen and brews coffee, knowing it might help a bit. Anything he can do to make his task easier.

He comes back to the living room and doesn’t see you two. Oh, no!

Jonny starts looking for you around the penthouse, checking the bedrooms first. When he gets to the master bedroom, his hand stops on the handle when he hears you:
“God, J, It doesn’t fit in anymore,” you whimper.

J grunts:

“But it always fits, Baby Doll. Here, hold it better.”

“”I’m telling you it doesn’t go innnn,” you whine.

J grunts some more.

“Dammmmiiitttt, it’s always more fun when it goes in,” you complain, exasperated.

“I know, Pumpkin, Daddy will make it slide in, hold on.”

Fuck no, Frost gulps, someone please shoot me now. Not fatally, but maybe just in the leg or arm so I can be out of commission for a while.

He finally decides to knock on the door:

“Sir…Ummm, you all right in there?”

“Frosttyyyyyy, come innnnnnnnn,” you whine.

He takes a deep breath, then another one and another one. He opens the door with only one eye open. What a relief: you and J try to put together the Christmas tree. It’s July.

“What are you guys doing? Coffee is ready,” Jonny announces, thrilled it’s not what he imagined.

“Stupid tree!!!!!!!!” you shout, pushing it and it falls down. You are getting mad and keep on stomping it.” Stupid, ugly, tree! I hate you!!!!!!!!”

Great, her temper is starting to kick in, Frost sighs. The Joker claps, content at your outburst.

“That’s right, nobody screws with my girl!!!! Except me!”

You both look at each other for a few seconds before starting laughing like crazy.

“Wanna screw me, Mister J?” you close your eyes, thinking you’re winking, trying to regain your balance.

“Daddy always wants to screw you,” he purrs and walks towards you with a devilish smile on his face.

Shit! Frost gets alarmed.

“Boss, coffee is ready, waiting for you guys in the living room. I saw you paused a movie on TV, were you guys watching something?” he tries this strategy, hoping it will work.

“Oh, my movie!!” you snap your fingers, yanking the Joker away when he was trying to kiss you.

“Oh, yeah, that scary movie,” he agrees, forgetting what he was trying to do. Thank God you two have the attention span of a dead snail when you’re drunk.

You head back to the living room, holding the Joker’s arm with one hand and Frost with the other.

“Ok, you boys sit here. Frost, get in the middle of us.”
“But why, Doll? I wanna sit by you,” J whines again, hurt you don’t want to sit by him.

“Frost is fluffier; we can use him as a pillow! Duh!” you tell J, amazed he didn’t get the point.

“Oh, I see,” J smiles, leaning on Frost.

“I’m not fluffy, I’m husky,” Jonny mumbles to himself, unhappy he gets to sit in between you.

You lean on Frost too.

“See, baby? Told you he’s soft, I always know better.”

“U-hum,” J agrees, watching the movie now.

Frost takes a few deep breaths, resigned. At least you’re behaving. After a few minutes:

“Itsy bitsy spideeeerrrrr…” J walks his fingers over Frost’s tummy, getting over to you and trying to tickle you. You scream and laugh, hitting Jonny like it’s his fault.

I really need a raise, he puffs, slowly blinking, hoping you’ll both fall asleep soon since you didn’t want to drink any coffee.

After you calm down, The Joker feels his hair getting pulled. You reached your arm behind Frost and did it, snickering.

“Hey!!” J gets startled.

“It was Frost!” you point your finger at him.

“Keep your hands at home, man!” J elbows him so hard Frost loses his breath for a sec.

You giggle with your face in Frost’s shoulder and he’s considering calling Batsy at this point.

“You guys want another drink?” he tries his last ace in the sleeve.

“Oh, yeah, good idea!” you shout, bouncing up and down the couch, impatient.

He brings you both two glasses full of alcohol, sits back down and waits.

It takes more than one hour but finally he looks left and right and you are both asleep.

Thank you, he lifts his eyes towards the ceiling, grateful. Now he can finally watch this damn movie he wanted to see anyway. He starts from the beginning and he’s so exhausted he passes out half way through.

Too bad there is nobody to take a picture and frame it.

All three sleeping on the couch: you put your leg over Frost’s lap so you can touch J, and you are also holding his hand over Frost’s chest, both resting your heads on his shoulders. Batsy would love this for Christmas.

Also read: MASTERLIST

http://diyunho.tumblr.com/post/153664676321/joker-x-reader-masterlist

Vex: THE HELL YOU SAY ABOUT ME?!
Vikk: YOU HEARD ME OVERSIZED CHIHUAHUA!
Vex: YOU WANNA GO YOU LIL RUNT?!
Vikk: WHERE AND WHEN?!
Vex: RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW!
Vex & Vikk: LET’S GO!

Doodled this at work between commisions I had.

When I initially began this, I was thinking that @radioactivesoda-gw2​ would never look at little old me, a nobody, but then I thought: “Eh, screw it, I’m a little old nobody, nobody won’t notice me.

I initially mentioned mine and a guildie’s gay asuran couple Nesvell and Vikk (NesVikk) are a polar opposite of Vex&Khallah seeing that Vex is extremely protective of Khallah but he actually has the muscles and brawn to pull it off. meanwhile my smol espresso Vikk is a small, skinny Asuran Tempest that would fight Balthazar himself if it meant that he could keep his ball of fluff (Nesvell).

Meanwhile Nesvell is the tol, caring ball of fluff that would worry himself to death if Vikk would get hurt is as tall and muscular as asuras can get. Khallah is the very definition of calmness and control knowing full well that if this scene would unfold, it’s nothing but bluffing and showing off their assets.

I could imagine that both couples actually are friends due to their similarities, with Vikk inviting the two over to their inn (The Gentle Sail Inn in LA) for drinks. Of course after Vex and Vikk have calmed down xD

If I even get any sort of response on this post, I might do Nesvell and Khallah too, just for shits and giggles.

The Tale of Harecules Chapter 2

@trashasaurusrex @judylavernehopps @hoppsforwilde @ryutolbx


Hera and Zeus loved their daughter dearly, but sadly, only gods were allowed to live on Mount Olympus. So they watched from afar as baby Judy grew up believing Amphitryon to be her father and Alcmene her mother.

______________________________________________________________________________

           “Judy!” Amphitryon shouted as the cart careened down the path, “Slow down!”

           “Sorry dad!” She shouted over her shoulder, continuing to pull the cart at breakneck speed. They went over a pothole, causing carrots to go flying out of the wagon and Amphitryon to bounce out of his seat and back into the cart.

           “Judy!” He yelled from the bed of the wagon, “Slow down!!!”

           “We’re almost there!” She shouted back, ignoring his frantic shouts. They flew over the crest of the next hill and thundered down towards the agora, their speed creating panic at the entryway. Mammals dived out of the way as Judy thundered through the entrance, clipping the pillar on the side and knocking a workmammal off the top of the structure.

           “Sorry!” Judy yelled as they flew by. Judy jumped in the air and dug the heels of her paws into the ground to slow them down, creating a slipstream of dirt and dust behind them. The cart slid the length of the marketplace, coming to a stop just in front of the columns at the end. Judy put the cart handles down and turned to face Amphitryon, who was clambering out of the wagon bed.

           “Sorry dad.” She said sheepishly, “I thought I had it under control.”

           “It’s ok dear.” He said, rubbing his now sore backside, “Just watch the cart for a minute while I look around.” Judy nodded her head and plopped down on the cart’s seat, annoyed at herself for getting out of control. A few moments after she sat down, a discus skidded across the ground and landed at her feet, quickly followed by a group of young mammals.

           “Hey could you toss that here?” The hyena asked.

           “Do you guys need someone else to play?” Judy asked eagerly, springing to her paws and picking up the discus.

           “Oh, uh, hey Judy.” He replied awkwardly, “Well we already have five and want to keep it an even number so…” The hyena snatched the discus from her paws and sprinted the other way, his friends racing after him.

           “What an idiot!” She heard them laughing to each other in the distance. Judy sighed and sat back down on the cart, her ears drooping behind her. She looked up and noticed Demetrius, a large cape buffalo, having trouble balancing his vases and she rushed over to help him.

           “Need some help?” Judy asked, steadying the enormous vase in his arms before it could fall.

           “Oh thank you!” He replied gratefully, “I almost— Judy!” He shouted, finally getting a look at his helper, “No I’m fine!”

           “Are you sure?” She asked, “I’m happy to—”

           “No, no, no, I’m alright.” He insisted, “You should just go wait for your father.”

“Ok.” She replied, discouraged by his dismissal. Judy turned around and began trudging back towards the carrot cart while Demetrius continued to struggle.

           “Watch out!” The hyena yelled suddenly. Judy looked up and saw the discus flying up and over her head, flying towards the edge of the market.

           “I got it!” She said excitedly, running after the runaway discus and leaping into the air to grab it. Judy felt a thrill of elation go through her as her paws closed around the flying disk, but her momentum carried her into one of the massive stone columns that supported the marketplace. She crashed into it with a sickening crunch and slid down to the base.

           “Oh no.” She whispered as the column began to sway, “Please don’t fall, please don’t fall, please don’t fall.” She pleaded, grabbing the column and trying to steady it with her incredible strength. The column began to stabilize and Judy let it go with a sigh of relief. She turned around and walked back towards the cart, but froze when she heard a loud grinding followed by a series of crashes. She turned around and watched as each column toppled the next like a line of dominoes, decimating the entirety of the marketplace. With each successive crash Judy winced and shrunk a little, until all that was left was Demetrius’ vase shop.

           “You freak!” He roared across the now destroyed marketplace, marching out of his shop towards the cowering bunny, “Look what you did! You almost destroyed my shop!”

           “I tried to stop it.” Judy said weakly, a crowd beginning to gather around her, “I thought I had, but I guess that—”

           “You guess that what?” The hyena taunted, “You guess that you ruined everything? You guess that you destroyed the marketplace? You guess that you almost killed everyone?”

           “Enough!” Amphitryon shouted, walking up to the angry crowd, “She’s only a child! She doesn’t know her own strength!”

           “She’s a menace!” Demetrius shouted back, “And if you ever want to sell your produce here again, she will never come back to this marketplace.” Amphitryon opened his mouth to defend her but Judy placed a paw on his arm.

           “They’re right dad.” She said sadly, looking down at the ground, “Let’s just go.” Amphitryon let out a sigh as he watched his daughter trudge back to the cart, pick it up, and head home. He glared at the assembled crowd and followed Judy out of the market.

______________________________________________________________________________

           Judy walked out of the house and up the hill to her favorite tree, sitting down and leaning against its enormous trunk.

           “Judy?” Amphitryon asked, appearing at the top of the hill, “Are you ok?”

           “No.” She said miserably, refusing to look at her father, “Everything I do, I screw up! Nobody likes me, and sometimes I just feel that I’m out of place! That I’m not where I’m meant to be.” Amphitryon nodded and sat down next to her.

           “You know, it’s ok to mess things up.” He responded, “Messing up is how you learn. Do you think I was always a perfect child?” He chuckled, “But Judy, don’t let the world keep you from being who you truly are. Just keep trying and doing your best.” He put an arm around her shoulder and Judy looked at him, teary-eyed but smiling.

           “Now there’s something your mother and I have to tell you.” He said nervously after a few minutes, getting to his paws, “And I think it will help you make sense of what you’re feeling right now.” Judy clambered to her paws and wiped her nose on the edge of her tunic. She followed Amphitryon back down to the house where Alcmene was waiting anxiously in the main room.

           “Is something wrong?” Judy asked, worried by her parents expressions. Alcmene shook her head.

           “No dear, it’s just that we have to tell you something that we should’ve told you a long time ago and we’re scared that it might go badly.” She replied with tears in her eyes.

           “Nothing you could ever say would make me stop loving you.” Judy assured her, wondering what secret could possibly be so monumental.

           “Judy,” Amphitryon began, “you’re not our daughter.”

           “Wait, what?” She responded, dumbstruck, “But why—”

           “We found you abandoned when you were a kit.” Alcmene interrupted, “We weren’t able to have children and prayed to the gods for help, and then one day, we found you. All by yourself in the middle of a canyon, like a gift from the gods.”

           “But I don’t understand, why’re you telling me this now? What does it mean?” Judy asked. Amphitryon walked over to a chest in corner and pulled a bundle of cloth out of it.

           “This was around your neck when we found you.” He said heavily, handing her the package. Judy unwrapped it to find a gleaming gold medallion with her name carved into the back. She turned it over and jumped in surprise.

           “The symbol of the gods.” Amphitryon said while Judy gazed at the medallion, enraptured by it.

           “I can find out where I belong.” Judy said slowly, a smile growing on her face, “I can go to the Temple of Zeus and find out where I’m really from, I can—” She stopped as she noticed the sad smiles on her adoptive parent’s faces and realized what leaving would mean.

           “I’m really going to miss you guys.” She said, her voice thick with emotion.

           “Go.” Alcmene whispered as they hugged her, “Find out where you belong and come back to us if you can.” Judy just nodded, returning the hug as tears streamed down her face.

           “Wow.” She said, pulling away and wiping her face off, “I’m really doing this.”

           “Stay safe dear.” Amphitryon said sadly, handing her a knapsack full of food. Judy looked down at the knapsack, then back at her parents.

           “Thank you.” She uttered, torn between her love for her parents and a desire to find out who she truly was, “I’ll be back someday.” With that, Judy left the only home she had known for eighteen years, heading off on her journey to the Temple of Zeus.

           “I can finally find where I belong!” She whispered to herself, hardly daring to believe it, “I won’t be the freak anymore, I can make my life mean something!” Judy laughed aloud, feeling the most lighthearted that she ever had.

           “Next stop,” She crowed, “the Temple of Zeus!”

______________________________________________________________________________

           Judy entered the temple with trepidation, looking for traces of any other mammal in the cavernous building. At the end of the structure was an enormous statue of Zeus, seated upon a massive stone throne. Judy approached the statue warily, noticing the same sigil on the statue that was on her medallion.

           “Lord Zeus?” Judy asked, kneeling before the statue, “I—” She was interrupted as a bolt of lightning shot from the sky and hit the statue. The stone softened and the statue gave her a craggy smile as the braziers in the temple ignited.

           “Judy!” It boomed, spreading both of its arms wide, “It’s so good to see you!” Judy immediately bolted for the exit.

           “Oh come on,” It said, plucking her off the ground like a bug, “That’s no way to greet your father is it?”

           “Father?!” Judy exclaimed, “How?! You’re a lion and I’m a bunny!”

           “Well your mother’s a bunny too!” Zeus explained with a huge smile, “You take after her, but you’ve always had my strength!” He opened his paw and let Judy stand normally on the palm of his paw.

           “My father is Zeus.” She muttered to herself, pacing back and forth on the stone paw, “My father is Zeus! But wait,” She began, furrowing her brow in thought, “if your my father and Hera’s my mother, wouldn’t that make me—”

           “A God.” Zeus completed solemnly, “Or you would’ve been one.”

           “What does that mean?” Judy asked in distress, “And why did you abandon me?!”

           “We didn’t abandon you dear.” Zeus said tenderly, “You were stolen from us and rendered mortal by some foul means. And mortals can’t live on Mount Olympus.”

           “So I can never be where I truly belong.” She uttered, each word dripping with disappointment. Zeus let out a hearty laugh, causing Judy to look up at him in confusion.

           “What you once had can be taken back.” He explained happily, “If you prove yourself a true hero, you will be restored as a god and can finally join us on Mount Olympus!”

           “But how do I become a true hero?” She asked despondently.

           “You must seek out Finnicktetes.” Zeus instructed, “He trained all the great heroes of old and he will train you as well.” Judy nodded and mouthed, “Find Finnicktetes” to herself.

           “Wait!” Zeus shouted, “Before I forget, there’s an old friend of yours that can help you on your journey.” The statue let out a long, piercing whistle and one of the stars in the sky streaked towards them. As it got closer, Judy saw that it was a flying horse!

           “Is that—”

           “Pegasus.” Zeus confirmed as he landed, “The greatest steed ever created.”

           “I thought he was just a dream.” Judy muttered as Pegasus nickered in greeting. She rubbed her paw along his neck and looked back at the statue of Zeus.

           “I’ll find Finnicktetes father. And I will become a true hero!”

           “That’s my girl!” He shouted. Judy hopped onto Pegasus’ back and the pair flew out of the temple. Zeus watched them go and then removed his presence from the temple, turning the statue back to stone and extinguishing the braziers.

______________________________________________________________________________

           Judy and Pegasus landed on the island that was reputed to be the home of Finnicktetes.

           “It looks deserted.” Judy said softly, surveying the foggy landscape. Pegasus whinnied his agreement and pointed a hoof towards what appeared to be the head of a large statue. Judy approached it and noticed an open door where the mouth of the statue would be. She started towards it, but then heard giggling coming from the woods to her left. She crept towards the noise and peeked through the bushes to find one of the strangest sights she had ever encountered. Lounging around a tiny pond were three female mammals unlike any Judy had ever seen. Their fur was streaked with blues, purples, and reds, and they glowed with a faint light. Judy pulled her head back and shook it in disbelief, trying to make sense of what she had just seen. She then noticed a tiny fox watching the creatures a few yards away.

           “Hey little buddy!” Judy shouted, “Are you lost?”

           “Be quiet!” The fox barked in a deep bass, “Oh gods!” He yelled as the creatures noticed him and ran away. He chased after them, but each one escaped, the last one dissolving into a pile of flowers just before he caught her.

           “Thanks lady.” He spat venomously, “You just ruined my chances with those nymphs!”

           “Uh, are you Finnicktetes?” Judy asked uncertainly. The fennec fox picked an apple off the ground and bit into it.

           “Call me Finn.” He said, his reply muffled by the apple.

           “Great!” Judy exclaimed, “I need you to train me to be a hero.” The fennec glanced at the bunny.

           “Not interested.” He responded, walking back towards the statue head.

           “But you trained all the other great heroes.” Judy protested, “Why not me?”

           “Two words.” He said, stopping in the open door, “I am retired.” With that, Finn grabbed the door and slammed it shut in her face.

           “Give me a chance!” Judy pleaded, grabbing the door and accidentally tearing it off its hinges. Finn, who was still holding onto the door, let go and fell to the ground, glaring at the bunny.

           “Sorry.” She said hurriedly, placing the door back on its hinges.

           “You know what kid,” Finn fumed, “come in here, let me show you something.” Judy followed the fennec inside the statue’s head, ducking through the low doorway and under a beam of wood.

           “You see all this kid?” Finn asked, gesturing at all the weapons, trophies, and mementos in the room, “My life’s work was training heroes and this is all I have. Memories of failures. You wanna know why I retired? Because nobody could ever go the distance. Even Achilles, the best hero I ever trained, was brought down by one arrow to his freakin ankle! I retired because not one of these failures could be a true hero. What makes you think that you’re any different huh?”

           “Because I have to do it.” Judy retorted, “It’s my only chance!”

           “Your only chance for what?” Finn sneered, “To be famous?”

           “To fulfill my dream!” Judy shouted back. Finn snorted.

           “Dreams are for rookies kid.” He said, turning around. Judy glared at the fennec fox and grabbed him by the paw.

“Just let me show you what I can do!” She urged, yanking him outside and leading him towards the broken remains of a giant stone arm with a shield on it. She put him down and picked up the piece of statuary, whirling it around a few times before tossing it out over the ocean and out of sight.

“Wow.” He uttered, “Maybe I could—No.” He said firmly, “I am retired.”

“Please.” Judy pleaded, “It’s the only way I can rejoin my father Zeus!” Finn started laughing.

“Your dad is Zeus!” He cackled, “The big guy!” Judy nodded her head, confused as to why Finn found it so funny.

“And my mother’s Athena!” Finn spat out in a fit of laughter, “Nice try kid, but I’m not that stupid!”

“Hey Zeus-y,” He shouted at the sky, “why don’t you teach your little girl here how to throw a lightning bolt?!” Finn, who was still convulsing in laughter, was immediately hit by a bolt of lightning and knocked to the ground. Pegasus snorted in amusement as the fennec struggled to his paws.

“You weren’t lying, were you kid?” He wheezed, his entire body covered in soot. Judy shook her head.

“Fine!” He shouted at the sky, “I’ll train her!”

“You will?!” Judy shouted in excitement. Pegasus raised a hoof in the air and Judy high-fived it, elated that Finn had agreed to train her.

“Alright, alright, calm down.” He said, interrupting their celebrations, “This isn’t a party. You’re going to train until you drop. And then you’re going to train some more. Do you understand?” Judy straightened her back and nodded.

“Good.” Finn said, “Now go clean up the practice field over there!”

______________________________________________________________________________

           Judy cleaned up the practice field and trained with Finn for months, learning how to wield swords, fight different opponents, and save mammals in distress. She got stronger, smarter, faster, and braver with each day, until she was ready to go out and become a true hero.

______________________________________________________________________________

           “Finn, I’m ready.” She insisted, “I’ve been training for months and I’ve handled everything you’ve thrown at me. I’m ready to fight monsters, stop natural disasters, rescue some mammals!”

           “I’ll be the judge of what you’re ready for.” Finn retorted grumpily, “But if you’re so eager to be a hero, we can go to Thebes.”

           “Why Thebes?” Judy asked.

           “Because Thebes is a city where a lot of bad things happen.” Finn replied impatiently, “Now stop asking questions and get on the horse.”

anonymous asked:

Saix crying using palette 19? (I know they can't feel anything, but let's pretend!)

When your coworkers don’t fill in their mission reports properly and you’ve already been awake for three days and your coup d'etat isn’t going how you planned.

Head Canon to Console Some People (SPOILERS "FAMILY FIRST")

Okay so NCIS deliberately never had Ziva’s remains being an item plus Tony’s confidence, happiness and determination in the basement scene cause me to believe what I “gotta believe”.

So in my head Ziva went out that night leaving her daughter with a nanny. She returned when the house was burning and watched her daughter being pulled out of it from Mossad unharmed. Thinking she was the actual target of the attack, she went into hiding to protect her daughter knowing Mossad would bring her far away to Tony. Once she became aware she wasn’t targeted by an old enemy, she decided to contact Tony. They meet up in Israel and go to Paris together with Tali. And they lived happily-ever-after. Ziva didn’t leave her daughter hanging. She just wanted to protect her and in the end all of them get the happy ending they deserve off-screen