nobody matters but me

“If there was anyone who cared about me, God already killed them. My mother died when I was eleven. She had heart problems because of all the drugs. These two tears are for her. I can’t even remember her face. I remember going to her funeral but I don’t remember her face. When I dream about her, all I hear is her voice. There’s no dialogue or anything. It’s just her voice, saying: ‘Come here, Jeff. Come here, Jeff.’ After she died, all that mattered was surviving. Nobody showed me love. Maybe things would have been different if I had parents. Maybe I’d have a place to live. Maybe I’d have accomplished something. So I don’t feel guilty for anything. Why should I? God doesn’t feel guilty for killing my mom.” (2/2)

(Rio de Janeiro, Brazil)

I wish they’d quit.
 Quit talking. 
The voices.
 They keep telling me I’m not enough. 
I’ll never be enough.
 They tell me not to try.
 It’s no use, they say. 
They tell me it doesn’t matter.
 Nobody really cares. 
They get me late at night.
 When I’m all alone.
It’s just me, and them…..
And they won’t stop talking. 
I wish they’d quit.
—  wordsbyt 

i find it funny (not) when some people say there’s no reason to be mad because evak were hardly seen this season…. it’s not about how much screen time they get, it’s about how much attention people pay to them instead of sana…. who… is….. the….. main….. or have i missed something?

these are the most popular posts from the MAIN tag…. . out of 10 posts, we have 3 that are sana related, which is, well, a bit odd because, again, she’s this season’s main. 

don’t get me wrong, i absolutely adore evak, they’re the reason i discovered skam (just like many other people), but… this season is about sana. she’s magnificent and all her scenes are beautiful. people should just pay more attention to this amazing girl. 

also, absolutely no hate or whatever to the people making these posts, they are wonderful and the fact that they take time to make these beautiful gifs is great. (as far as i can tell, most of these blogs - if not all of them, i haven’t checked - make sana gifs as well) 


okay so i’m gonna start working on requests and stuff but!!!!! THANK YOU GUYS SO MUCH FOR 500 FOLLOWERS????? Like?? I made this blog not even a month ago and I honestly didn’t even expect like 50 followers?? I know it’s a super small goal and nobody really cares but it matters to me a lot so!! Thank you!!!

Also have a Maid AU Alexander thing that I may or may not develop because,,,boys in dresses

i just witnessed something that pissed me off and if you got eyes it’s gonna piss you off too

i’ve been watching this korean variety/game show called running man and there are six male cast members, and in one ep they had a poll where fans ranked them by attractiveness. these are the results of that poll:

like.. in what universe

I used to depend so much on what people thought of me and weather i was useful/welcome presence in their life because I honestly thought that i couldn’t live if nobody wanted me alive, I couldn’t matter if i wasn’t bringing benefits to everyone, I wasn’t a good person unless I was proving it constantly and giving everything I had to anyone who could benefit from it, I needed people to want me alive, because if they didn’t, I was afraid I’d be abandoned and left to die.

It changed when I realized I could live without anybody else. I could live even if nobody else wanted me alive. I could feel good about myself even if I wasn’t constantly doing favours to everyone and giving myself away to others. I could survive even if I wasn’t beneficial to everyone.  Because I finally did the crucial thing, I put myself into that equation, I counted myself as a person. I want me to be alive. And that’s enough. Me wanting to live for myself is enough. Nobody else needs to benefit from my existence. I don’t have to do anything for anyone else’s sake, ever. This life is mine, all mine, and nobody else has even the right to decide weather I should live or die. I get to be beneficial to myself, and nobody else. I get to do whatever I want, weather others like it or not. I get to do this unapologetically and without guilt, I get to own and live my own life because this life is all I got.

I’m the only one who is going to experience consequences of my choices, there is nobody who I owe my time or favours, there is nobody who I need to impress, nobody I need to like me, nobody I need approval from. And no, this is not an abusive mindset, because I don’t need to hurt anyone or benefit from anyone in order to live, taking my own life for myself does not hurt anyone in this world, only ones losing something here are the abusers who assumed the ownership on my life, to which they had no right. My life is only mine, and I’m going to fight and defend the right to do with it whatever I want until the ends of this earth. My freedom is the most valuable thing that I have, and I resent that they could have ever convinced me that it doesn’t matter if I have it or not.

do you ever think about how the simulations are everyone’s personal ideas of hell and how the boss knows what all their crew members’ hells are and some people want to discuss it and some people don’t but johnny’s the only one who asked what the boss’ hell was and wanted to know if they were okay? do you ever think about how the boss is so so guarded all the time and that’s probably why nobody else asked but johnny did and he even got a full answer? do you ever think about how this was such a quiet vulnerable conversation in the gentlest voices you ever hear from these two human wrecking balls who are STILL killing and destroying things while they do this?

ri reacts to the deh soundtrack for the first time without watching the musical irl (TW; SPOILERS)
  • Anybody Have A Map?: i lov this !!!! im connor tbfh love this so much ALSO THAT LIL BIT AT THE END WAS FUCKIN LIT I AM ALSO MAKING THIS UP AS I GO IM HYPED
  • Waving Through A Window: here comes the ugly ass 11 year olds thinkin they can sing ,,,, also,,,, gna be blasting this forever
  • Requiem: FUCK WHAT IS EVAN DEAD OR SOMETHING wait is connor dead????? what ????? im so lost ?????? also,,, girl singing needs to chill but IIIIIIIIIIIIII CANNOT PLAY THE GRIEVING GIRL AND LIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE also I WILL SING NO REQUIEM TONight
  • If I Could Tell Her: haha the old classic "i wanna tell you what i feel about you but i'm scared so i'll say he said it instead" i feel ya evan ,,,, also hEEEE THOUGHT THAT YOU LOOKED REALLY- UH IT WAS REALLY PRETTY LMAOOOOO SAME ALSO I LOVE YOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUU fuck that note ended me bYE
  • Disappear: "no one seems to care or seem to notice that we're there so we get lost" fuck same ???? i think im gonna cry ??? nobody deserves to be forgotten ??? could you not hit me the fuc k hard thanx ???!!! YOU STILL MATTER FUCK AH SHIT THAT WAVING THROUGH A WINDOW REPRISE IM GONE ??? THE CONNOR PROJECT OKAY SOO CONNORS DEAD AND IM SOBBING OKAY BYE
  • You Will Be Found: piano ??? will this be sad??? "have you ever felt forgotten" um yeah, "like you could fall and nobody could hear" "when you don't feel strong enough to stand...." oh why is there a tear in my eye ? "when you're broken on the ground, you will be found.....lift your head and look around" i really cant go on typin cause im sobbing cause ben platt's voice is a fucking blessing and this musical is heaven-sent and 200% of the time i really have this overwhelming desire to just end it all cause nobody cares abt me and im literally bein told i matter so yeah im fucki n in tears don't touch me bye
  • To Break In A Glove: "this glove's really cool wow" ben im in the middle of cryin and youre such a fuckin nerd i snorted,,,, are they talkin about how to break in a FUCKING BASEBALL GLOVE WHAT THE - oh now i get it,,, evan's still a nerd tho love ya ben,,, oh shit hes talkin about connor.... well okay now i know how to break in a baseball glove and feel sad @ the same time
  • Only Us: oh this is EVAN AND ZOE ,,,, zoe is connor's younger sister ,,,, are they in a relationship ??? nice + this is such a lovely love song AND THE REST OF THE WORLD FALLS AWAAAAAY WHADDYA SAY this is so Cute im here for evan/zoe ,,, laura dreyfuss' voice is givin me fuckn chills
  • Good For You: please let this be a cover of daveed & leslie's cover of good for you OH FUCK ITS NOT ALSO,, THIS IS REMINISCENT OF GIVES YOU HELL???? oh fuck she's pisseddddd that vibrato is giving me life sis !!!! YEEEEEAH I HOPE ITS ALL THAT YOU WANT AND MORE !!!! @ evan look at what you've done to your mom this isnt cool GOOD FOR YOUUU GOOD FOR YOU YOU YOU YOU!!!!! these layers fuck STOP IT STOP IT JUST LET ME OFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF BEN I LOVE YOU
  • Words Fail: im not even going to attempt because im crying so hard i can barely see the screen but this hit me H A R D
  • So Big / So Small: im emotional this is so sad whY omg evan's mum deserves better ???? i love her i love this motherly bonding the breaks in her voice are really killin me the development from complete obliviousness to evan in Anybody Have A Map? to this is killi ng me
BTS reacts to getting into a fight with you.

Lmao I started crying when I wrote this I’m sorry.


Requests are open!

WARNNING: Skip Yoongi if you do not like the discussion of Depression, Bipolor disorder etc.

-Admin Meinai -


Jin: You and Jin weren’t really getting along that night. You tried to help him relax but that only made him more irritable, causing him to snap at you. You both were yelling at each other, you stood your ground as you protested against Jin’s behavior.

“Are you fucking kidding me!? I come home to this!? Just leave!!” He yelled. You jumped in complete shock. But before you could say anything, Jin was already in his room. You took the chance to just go. You didn’t take the car keys. You just grabbed your shoes and left. Disappointed about how everything turned out, it was only 8:45 at night. When Jin calmed down, he looked at the clock. It was 10:38 pm. He got up and out of his room and into the living room. The TV Showed a womens body was found, the women that had been missing for months, Jin’s eyes widen as he slipped on his shoes and ran out the door. Forgetting the car as he ran down the street to find you. Trying not to scream your name to disturb the peace. But when he crashed into someone. He recognized that voice. He looked at you as you had tears down your face, your eyebrows furrowed in annoyance. Jin sighed in relief as he hugged you tightly.

“Yah!! What are you doing !?” You strained. Jin hugged you tighter, crying into your hair. “I-I’m so sorry, I…I know you’re trying your best. A-And I love you for that. Oh my god I love you so much for that. Please, I’m sorry but please don’t leave me. Please… Don’t leave me so soon.” He cried.

Originally posted by jiminahhh

Yoongi: You stood in the living room as Yoongi would scold you. “Y/N you’re so fucking full of it! Stop playing the fucking guilt trip for once damn it! “ He yelled, you were always a person to keep your feelings bottled up. But today was just down right horrible, you felt you can trust your boyfriend with your feelings. But your fear came true. You already had your feelings stepped on and crushed by other people, sometimes even your family. But your boyfriend? You never felt so empty and useless, well. You have but. Nevermind, you look at the floor as Yoongi kept screaming.

“Depression my ass, if you say you have all this shit prove it! I have problems too!! Why don’t you just sit down and listen to me for once huh!? “ He screamed, stomping closer to you. You fell onto the floor as you covered your head. Yoongi knew this position well, he knew everything about you. He sighed, 

“Get up Y/N….” He said quietly, you stood up, and walked pass him quickly, Yoongi turned around in confusion. “Y/N…? What are you doing-”

“I’m leaving! Since I hardly sit down and listen to your problems!! I’m leaving! You wanted me to leave anyways!!” You yelled, Yoongi’s eyes widen in shock, he never heard you scream before. 

“Why would you say that I don’t sit down and listen to your problems when I can’t even tell you mine over the phone Min Yoongi! I love you so much, but- but this isn’t working at all!! Nobody listens to me at all!! No matter how many times I scream for help no body comes for me! It’s dark in here! I hate it here! I’m scared of pain! I’m scared of the dark! But I hate being here! I’d rather be dead!!! I get called selfish, bitch! Attention hog! And- And all I said was that I was feeling sad! I DON’T CARE WHAT YOU THINK ABOUT ME!! I WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A HUMAN FUCKING BEING FOR ONCE!!!” You screamed, hyperventilating as you cried harshly. You pulled yourself together as you grabbed your things and walked out the door, leaving Yoongi in such great pain, 

All the things he said was a lie, you sat down with him for hours, listening closely to his problems. While he just merely hung up on you when you tried to come to him for your problems, you had timed where you didn’t say anything at all, and when he did ask what’s wrong. He didn’t listen, he felt like he didn’t care. I did the opposite, of what he should have done. Thinking nothing was going to happen, 

He sat there, in the living room. Listening to silence closely. He didn’t notice that he fell asleep, when he opened his eyes, it was 11:25 pm. He shot up,

“Y/N?” He called as he ran down the hallway to check the bedroom. Every room in the house but no sign of you, he called your phone. Only to see it on the kitchen island. He cursed as he hung up the phone, only for one of his members to call. He picked up the phone,


“Hyung!? Where’s Y/N! We’re getting really worried!” Taehyung cried out, 

“Why-W-What happened-”

“There was this letter that came in the mail, t-this doctor sent Y/N a note. It says she had critical depression, ani-social disorder, bipolar disorder-A-Anxiety  B-But the fans got to it and wrote all these horrible stuff on it, calling her a monster -a -a freak all the horrible things Hyung where is she!?” Taehyung cried, scared for his friend.

“M-My god!” Yoongi screamed as he ran out the house looking for you, he ran down the block, asking people where they have seen you, no luck. When he made it home, he saw you phasing fast in the kitchen in the dark, mumbling to yourself, he walked quietly as he saw you in such a traumatic state.

“God Damn it!!” You screamed, putting the kitchen knife down. You fell onto the floor as you continued crying, 

I’m fine I promise…” 

“Nothing, don’t worry about me, how about you?” 

“Are you okay?”

All the times she worried about me, I never asked her those questions, have I?

“I’m okay… I-I’m okay…. I-I’m not, I’m not okay at all….” You uttered, gripping your hair tightly as you tried to bring yourself together, It wasn’t working, 

“Is this, is this what I’ve been putting you through. “  Yoongi asked, kneeling beside you on the floor, grabbing you into his arms. It all came so fast, he never seen you this hurt before.

You nodded your head no.

“Tell me the truth… Is this what I’ve been putting you through? Is this what has been holding you down all this time?” He askes, it only took a few seconds for you to break. You tried to hold everything together for years, nobody came up to you and truly sat down and listened to you. You gripped onto Yoongi’s sleeves tightly.

“My god… I-I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry,” He whispered, it took until 4 in the morning to calm you down, he sat down with you. Stayed awake for you to let out everything, answering all the painful questions you wanted to get off your chest. When  Yoongi woke up on Yoongi, your head on his chest as you held on tightly onto his sleeve, he kissed your head.

“I’ll never let that happen again, I’ll never, ever. Let that pain consume you ever again…” He whispered quietly. Holding you tighter.

Originally posted by tahyns

NamJoon : You and Namjoon were at each other’s necks as you were fighting about the party you attended.

“You were too fucking extra Y/N! Clinging onto me like a god damn bug! “ He screamed, you were trying to tell him the reason but he wouldn’t have it, “Go be clingy some where else! I bet your using me for my money huh!? Here! Take it,” He scoffed as he threw all the money from his pocket, throwing at you. He saw all the color from your face when you dropped down and picked up the money off the floor. “Thank you….” Your murmured, you took off all the jewelry he bought, the shoes. You changed into your normal clothes, grabbed your shoes and walked out the door. You called Jin for a ride, he happily accepted and picked you up.

Namjoon was fucking furious, taking his money and just leaving like that. He decided to take his anger into the studio, but as soon as he logged onto his account, he saw all the recent google search history. “Save and rescue animal shelter…” He uttered, he looked around, looking at the same dog, the deposit dates and all, then and e-mail popped up on the side of the screen. He clicked on it, as it was your job. You were some how fired for lack of response at work.

“How in the world….” He trailed off, he jumped as he cell phone rung, looking at the caller Id It was Jin.


“Yah, Kim Namjoon, what happened between you and Y/N?” He asked sternly.

“W…We had a falling out, but she wanted me for my money anyways-”

“I knew you were going to say that, she told me everything. Namjoon, she took that money to get her dog back, the dog her father threw in the pound when she moved in with you. That dog was the last thing she had from her father and she worked since she was 16 to get this dog out of this pound Namjoon. “ Jin explained,

“So…What is that supposed to me-”

“She’s not who you think she is Namjoon, I helped her pay for the dog because what you threw at her wasn’t enough. She never looked so happy when she got her dog back, she’s not a gold-digger Namjoon, she wanted her companion back…” Jin stated, 

“Where are you? “ Namjoon said as he stood up fast, already headed for the door. “We’re at the park near the lake, I’ll see you soon.” Were Jin’s last words before hanging up,

By the time Namjoon got there, he saw Jin staring at you and your dog, you hugged him tightly. 

Namjoon walked up to Jin, “His name is Stanley… She had this feeling that, that dog. Was her last gift from her father before he left her Namjoon, She worked hard for her to get her best friend back, Step up.” Jin said as he pushed Namjoon towards you, he walked quietly, guilt washing over him every step he took towards you.

“Y…Y/N…” He called, you looked up at him with tears in your eyes, he sat down on the grass next to you. He engulfed you into a hug tightly. 

“I’m so sorry, I-I didn’t know. If only you told me-”

“Not everyone has a relationship with there dog like I do… I didn’t want you to feel burdened about something I can handle myself.”

“You worked for so long for him. A-And I made you feel horrible, I’m so sorry…”He sniffeled, I smiled as you hugged him back, only for Stanley to nuzzle his way into the hug.

“Let’s take him home.” Namjoon smiled, your eyes widen as you look at him in shock.

“R-Really? You mean it?” You asked in shock, he nodded.

Originally posted by jhope-shi

(Translation) Rouge et Noir 2 - Check in the Dark

(R18!! Please proceed only if you’re above 18!)

CV. Nakazawa Masatomo

T/N: Commissioned by kind soul @ryoutako - thanks for the commission! i’d like to issue a public apologize man, i should’ve read your message more thoroughly wow im an idiot sandwich

this dude’s technical terms tho… im sure mc is like ??? dude i only know mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell

it’s tough to translate the jargon but it’s somehow endearing to see him talk about science, idk if it’s just the nerd in me, but he’s so elaborate on the terms it’s cute. trust me im a science i lov bio, physics, and especially [looks at smudged handwriting] cemetery

(yo special thanks for dauri, chi, mila, and mimi’s harem of bois for the matrix neck help lmfao, i’m 👌 this close to editing the cover title into rouge et noir: check in the matrix neck)

ok sorry for the sidetrack, without further ado, here goes it! *police sirens and gunshots*

Keep reading

procrastinatingbookworm  asked:

They will find out eventually. They'll be more upset and disappointed if you try to cover it up, not to mention terrified at your disappearance.

“yeah, well, i don’t have to be there when dad finds out. and… like he’d care if i wasn’t there, he doesn’t even want me…”

“AUGH! NOTHING MATTERS! i’m going to the woods and nobody can stop me! i’m going to eat bugs and fight a bear! ahhh!!!!”

I wish they’d quit.
Quit talking.
The voices.
They keep telling me I’m not enough.
I’ll never be enough.
They tell me not to try.
It’s no use, they say.
They tell me it doesn’t matter.
Nobody really cares.
They get me late at night.
When I’m all alone.
It’s just me, and them…..
And they won’t stop talking.
I wish they’d quit.