nobody is that nice

youre at the mall in the bathroom with nobody else in there in the stall taking nice hot shit and you hear the door opening followed by what sounds like a man hopping and “peter! piper! picka!”

hunk and keith headcanons [insert sunglasses emoi] 

  • “so hunk…how do you feel about cryptids?” “oh god. you’re just like pidge.” “don’t worry. we’ll convert you.”
  • a month later// hunk: i’ve decided my favorite cryptid is the jackalope. it’s cute and seems arguably nonviolent keith: oh that’s a good one. my favorite cryptid is pidge pidge, in the other room: i Heard that
  • hunk tries to help make the food coran cooks more palatable for all of them but keith is such a fucking picky eater when he’s able to be
  • hunk: how is it that you ate canned pears for months at a time and were satisfied but now that you’re in space you’ve decided to get all choosy
  • hunk is a really nice guy but that doesn’t mean that he won’t stand up for himself lmao so keith gives him an attitude he gives it right back
  • keith is secretly impressed
  • keith wants to be as strong as hunk wtf…hunk could lift the whole ship if he wanted to probably
  • but hunk is modest so keith says this to him one day and he almost passes out 
  • keith’s work here is done
  • hunk is the only person who can make keith laugh until he cries and nobody else understands it it’s a fucking anomaly
  • how does he do it? teach them hunk
  • keith feels most comfortable discussing concerns with hunk or shiro but because shiro is having such a tough time he starts going to hunk more and it’s really so hard for him to open up to people but it seems so nonthreatening when it’s hunk he’s talking to…it’s weird but he can dig it
  • and hunk never judges him or makes him feel unintelligent for asking about something most people probably know or think is common knowledge and keith really appreciates that
  • plus hunk is literally always both dying and on fire so he can understand the need for reassurance
  • which is actually a great plus side to being friends with keith too because he never gives anything but the reality and that’s very grounding for hunk and his anxiety like keith never makes up anything just to make him feel better he describes the situation as it is
  • on the flip side keith also causes hunk’s heart rate to skyrocket because he’s always doing some type of dangerous shit that everyone has heavily advised against
  • hunk: are you really sure you wanna do that we’ve all discussed at great length how much of a horrible idea that is keith: …anyways [does it]
  • keith is touch starved as hell even if he won’t admit it and hunk is the team’s Official Hug Dealer
  • hunk has had to carry keith away from a fight so many fucking times. can keith calm the hell down. hunk just slings him over his shoulder and walks away with him while keith seethes like an angry cat. 
  • keith cannot get over how strong hunk is. he tried to pick up hunk’s bayard while in gun form and almost broke his spine. what the fuck.
  • keith: so is hunk a nickname or…? hunk: no that’s my real name keith: hm. fitting. hunk: [screaming with his mouth closed]
  • hunk and pidge are So Smart it’s wild y’all. at first when they started talking to each other while keith was in the room he felt like they were speaking a different language but he’s like learning by osmosis and now he can understand like 20% of their technical talk
  • hunk: refers to something using the highly complex technical jargon no one but him understands keith: the what hunk: i’m so sorry. the tool to your right.
  • the nausea hunk experiences while in flight never really goes away even after they start flying on a daily basis so sometimes hunk will lay on the couch dying silently and keith will just rub his tummy

anonymous asked:

I know Steve gets in a lot of dumb fights now, but what was the stupidest fight he got into pre-serum?

we grew up mostly during the prohibition, when alcohol was illegal. i mean, it was still pretty easy to get your hands on some, because people like alcohol, but most of it tasted awful, because it was home-brewed to be as strong as possible.
anyway, stevie and i got a bit of some really terrible hooch and squirreled ourselves away to get drunk. it took steve about four drinks to be totally wasted, and it turns out steve is a pretty entertaining drunk, with crazy fast mood swings and a tendency to want to touch things, just to see how they felt. he was wandering around the apartment trying to figure out if dark colors or light colors felt better, and he wanted to see if my hair–a nice dark color, versus his light blonde–felt nice. so i let him run his hand over the top of my head, and i was teasing him because he had all the fine motor control of a baby, so he’d made a mess of my hair. i think i said something like ‘my hair’s terrible now, stevie, and now nobodys gonna respect me’ and steve went ‘NO!! you have nice hair bucky your hair is GREAT it is SO GREAT.’ which was nice of him, because my hair really was a mess.

 and then he punched me.

he punched me several times. 

drunk steve is not much of a brawler so he didnt do much damage before i tipped him over and sat on him. it wasnt much of a fight. but if youre looking for stupid, attacking me to defend my own hair is probably one for the history books.

sometimes i miss wee steve, because big steve thinks my hair is ridiculous. i bet if tiny drunk steve were around, hed try and fight captain america to defend my hair’s honor. now that’d be a fight worth watching

Pre-Kerberos! Matt HC

[Pre-Kerberos! Matt]

★ Matt is the whitest of the whites, he eats one hot chip and it’s game over.

★ He’s allergic to pickles

★ He got Katie into aliens and cryptids

  • He doesn’t regret it                                                                             

★ Him and Shiro were friends, even before the Garrison.

★ He’s a little shit, the Garrison teachers expected him to be the perfect student since he was Sam and Colleen’s son.

  • They were wrong, he started a black market and wasn’t found out until it was too late. He made more than $500 bucks cash.

★ Whenever he was called into the office to talk about his future he just answered with “Kick ass, go to space, represent the human race.”

The cost of losing a bet with him was high

  • Once a kid had to go up to Iverson and ask if he was a furry and if his boyfriend was bigfoot.
  • They were required to help Iverson for the rest of the year during their free hour.

★ Anytime anyone asked if him and Shiro were dating, he did finger guns and awkwardly backed away.

★ Has been the cause of the science lab blowing up at least 5 times.

  • Shiro was apart of three of them.

★ Puns were his shit no one could escape

  • Shiro does this make us…..Kerbros?”
  • “If it weren’t for the laws of this land, I would’ve slaughtered you, Matt.”

★ Would fight you if you said Pluto wasn’t a planet

★ Is the most oblivious of people, two kids had a crush on him at the same time and he never noticed

  • But he can somehow notice when people have crushes on each other??

★ He met Neil Degrasse Tyson once and cried

★ Katie and him show their love by roasting each other on the daily

★ “I know you love those peas, Dad.” was only the tip of the Yikesburg™ .

★ He dyed Shiro’s hair once

  • It went as well as expected
  • It was neon blue

★ He smuggled Pidge into the Garrison once with the help of Shiro

  • Keith found them dragging her through the window
  • He just stared silently and walked away

★ He can do a perfect Yoda impression

  • Katie sadly found out when she on the verge of sleep at 3am

★ Subs always liked him for some reason, no one really knew how or why though.

★ He could name all 206 bones in the human body, and he taught Keith how to break every one of them

★ Katie popped out the lens in his back-up prescription glasses

  • He cried

★ He can quote back to the future word for word

★ “What are you gonna do punch me???”

  • The kid decked him
  • He broke their leg

★ He threatened to sell Katie to the Garrison for a pizza

  • A guy’s gotta do what they gotta do to get some decent food

★ “How’d you do in your flight test, Matt?” “Oh, I nearly killed Shiro. it’s chill though.”

★ He cries whenever he sees dogs since the Garrison is in the middle of nowhere

  • He once cried for more dog deaths in three school days than his entire life

★ “Hey Matt, high-five the stars for me okay?” “Of course, Katie.”

  • She hasn’t found out if he did or not.

★ It was his idea to name their dog Gunther

  • “What the fuck, Matt” “It haS CHARACTER KATIE”

★ Him and his mom are kickass together.

  • Everyone is low-key terrified of them

★ He crashed his bike into a tree once

  • “Lol you guys will never guess what happened”
  • “What”
  • “My bone is no longer in my leg”

★ “Do you think Iverson and—” “I’m gonna stop you right there.”

★ He hacked the speakers in the Garrison to play Bill Nye the Science Guy when someone said he wasn’t a real scientist

★ Believes in the multiverse theory and soulmates

  • Maybe in some other universe him and Shiro are happy

★ He’s pan and poly, fight me   

  • Katie got him a shirt that read “Pans for Bigfoot”    
  • He wore it everywhere

★ He finished the office in a week and stares at a security camera whenever something stupid happens

★ Someone confessed to him once and he panicked and said “Thank you”

★ Matt is actually a super good crossdresser???

  • Shiro and Keith are surprised???
  • Katie had to get it from somewhere y’all

★ Lowkey likes to make fun of Keith for being Texan

  • “Y’all’d’ve done good if y’all had listened to me.”
  •  “I hate living because of you, Matt.”

★ Bill Nye the Science Guy is his dad and you can’t tell him otherwise.

  • He’ll fight you if you say he isn’t a real Scientist

★ MATT REALLY LIKES AVATAR: THE LAST AIRBENDER, LIKE I HAVEN’T EVEN SEEN IT BUT I KNOW HE DOES.

★ Him and Katie learned Latin for kicks

★ Speaks fluent meme

★ **Drops one piece of candy on his room floor** “,,,,,,,,” **Kneels down to look for it**

★ 10/10 doesn’t know how to handle any crushes he has

  • He realized he had a crush on Shiro with the “help” of Katie and Keith
  • He tried to eat an entire jar of pickles afterwards

★ “Matt, you have a crush on my brother, admit it” “New glasses, who dis?”

★ “Shiro, when I was your age,,,,,,” “One day, you’re just not going to wake up.”

★ He somehow convinced Shiro to dress up as Watson while he was Sherlock

★ Hamilton’s number 1 fan

★ He spits out facts at random

  • “Y’know Alexander Hamilton spelt Philadelphia wrong in our Constitution?” 
  • Katie, who has been running on 3 hours of sleep: please shut tf up

★ “You’re a little shit Matt” “Atleast I don’t quote Fairy Tail any chance i get”

★ Matt: THIS BITCH EMPTY 
★ Katie, grabbing his backpack full of assignments from the Garrison: Y E E T

★ He hates coffee but will drink 5 cans of soda in an hour

★ “YOOOOO I TELL YOU WHAT I WANT WHAT I REALLY WANT” “SO TELL ME WANT WHAT YOU REALLY WANT” “I WANNA–”

  • Sam Holt voice: Please,,,,just go to sleep”

★ He’s a Gryffindor

★ Someone bet him that he couldn’t eat 2 of the new Grand Macs

  • He ate 4, Katie ate 5
  • Everyone was impressed and low-key terrified

★ Shiro: bro take off your glasses
★ Matt: bro everything’s a blur
★ Shiro: that’s my life without you
 Matt, tearfully: Bro… 

Iverson: any questions?
Matt: Yeah, first of all, how dare you?

★ “Would you slap Katie for $2,000?” “I’d break both of Katie’s arms and my own leg for a small fry from McDonald's”

★ Shiro gave him one of his sweaters when it was cold out once

  • Shiro hasn’t seen it since

★ He had an emo phase that lasted 2 months before he got tired of the eyeliner

  • Katie likes to bring it up at the worst times

He’s covered in bandaids 90% of the time

  • Most times it’s because he and Katie were fucking around while building smth

★ “The amount of uses for a dead horse is infinite” “Matt, honestly, just go to church”

★ His mind is just a constant loop of that scene in VeggieTales where the realized they didn’t have hands and just sadly looked at each other

★ “KATIE POKEMON PIDGEOTTO HOLT

★ Mashed potatoes can and should fuck him up

★ Learned to play the kazoo for meme opportunity

★ Once burnt off one of his eyebrows from boiling water

★ Him and Katie do the handshake thing from Zack and Cody

★ Whenever someone asks to see a picture of Katie, he just pulls out a picture of Pidgey from Pokémon

  • Matt: Isn’t she pretty?

★ He beat every island in poptropica

★ He can make really nice flower crowns nobody has questioned it

★ He talks with his hands a lot

  • He’s hit Keith in the face more than once because of it

★ You know when it snowed in Egypt for the first time in years and that guy had that giant ass snowball and was gonna fucking dunk it on his friend?

  • That’s Matt

★ He can dance?? Where did he learn it? Nobody knows

★ “Keith I came as soon as i heard! I can’t believe it I knew you two were close”
★“Wtf are you talking about?”
★“Punk is dead, Keith”

★ When the rumour that MCR was coming back you bet your ass Matt was ready to blast every song whenever he saw Keith

★ “I’m Matt, the radar technician”

★ He recreated BB-8 from Star Wars: The Force Awakens and cried

★ “Bitch, I am a gift of God, square up”

  • Get it? Because Matthew means gift of God??

★ He can solve a rubix cube behind his back in under 35 seconds

★ If he laughs hard enough he’ll start snorting

  • 50% of the time he won’t notice because he’s too busy laughing
  • The other 50% he’ll stop and frown in disgust at his own snort

★ He found out Shiro poured his milk in before the cereal and kicked him out their dorm

Matt: Hey, Shiro, want to stay for dinner?
Colleen: Do you want to stay forever?

★ Iverson lowkey reminds him of Snape, so by default he just doesn’t like him

★ “Work, work!” “Matthew!”
    “Work, work!” “Katherine!”
    “,,,,,and Keith”
    “The conspiracy theorists!”

★ Unlike his sister, he likes to garden and starts one in their backyard with their mom

★ Matt would totally force Shiro to cosplay Team Rocket for Halloween with Pidge being Meowth and Keith being an edgier version of Ash Ketchum

  • Shiro as Jessie and Matt as James of course

★ He owns every pokemon game in existence

  • Pokemon Snap was his shit when he was like 7
  • He 360 noscoped the Pokemon with apples

★ Has read all of the Harry Potter books three times

★ He tried to teach Shiro how to dance

  • They never finished though because neither of them could take the sexual tension

★ He was more into the galaxies and multiple universes part of space, while Katie was excited for the tech advances 

  • They were both 100% ready for aliens though

★ Shiro told him he couldn’t create the Marauders Map, so he did out of spite

★ Talked in nothing but Shakespeare for a day to piss off Katie

★ He loved ducktales

  • Too bad he can’t see the reboot

★ Barbie and the 12 dancing princesses was his shit

★ When Katie was born, he brought a potato with him when he went to the hospital to compare the two

★ He always wore sweaters that didn’t quite fit him, so he could have Sweater Paws

★ There was a supposed ‘haunted’ house on his street, so him Katie and the Broganes all snuck out to investigate

  • A window broke while they were in there
  • Keith shapeshifted into Sonic and bolted, Katie started hysterically crying and laughing at the same time as she ran, and Matt jumped into Shiro’s arm and Shiro fuckin’ booked it
  • They all agreed not to talk about it

★ Once in gym, a ball was about to hit someone in the face but instead of yelling “duck!” he yelled “dICK”

  • To this day no one has let him live it down

★ Uses an absurd amount of emoticons when texting

★ 10/10 would meme again

★ Used the word “Yo” too many times to count

★ Tried to bury Katie underneath a bunch of snow when she was 10

★ He can’t swim

★ He’s cried during nearly every Disney and Pixar movie


[Read Part Two// Post-Kerberos! Matt HC here!]

  • Far Cry 1-4: Shoot at brown people.
  • Far Cry 5: Shoot at white people.
  • Far Cry 6: Shoot your parents.
  • Far Cry 7: Shoot nobody.
  • Far Cry 8: Stay home and have a nice pepsi.

“I PAID FOR EARLY ACCESS! I PAY A SUB! THIS IS UNACCEPTABLE!!”

Uh no, no you didn’t. You either paid $40 for normal or $60 for Special Edition Digital. Or like $200 if you got the physical Special Edition. You did not pay a penny more for Pre-Order. Your get the privilege of early access if you ordered it early. That’s it.

Early Access is useful because it allows SE to  get a hang of some bugs with a high congestion of players now rather than on the 20th. So all this bitching about standing in a line that you chose to do? Or whining about the DCs and high queue rate? You knew these were coming. This happened in HW! We’re a high population server, folks!

So just..sit down, have some tea, and check your privilege. Be thankful you’re one of the fortunate folks that could afford the game early, or you won it in a giveaway, or you were gifted it. You didn’t pay a penny more and it’s really not that big of a deal. Don’t like it? Go sit in the back row and wait for the 20th like the folks who didn’t pre-order for one reason or another. 

If you ever worked QA, you’d understand that this is useful stress testing on a lower load level than when we approach the 20th. Sure, thing may still break on the 20th, but I’m sure they’ll do their best to fix what they can now, with what early access players are experiencing.

This isn’t exactly new for MMO expansion releases, folks.

Chill.

Originally posted by angelinatrechcoat

Hey, so

if you have been abusive to someone….

  • even if you don’t mean to be abusive
  • or even if your abusive behaviour is you reacting really badly to mental illness or old traumas
  • even if you’re making an honest and sincere effort to not be abusive anymore and not engage in controlling behaviours

if someone does not want to be around you they have the right to leave

nobody owes you extra chances, nobody owes you a nice sit down where you just explain, nobody owes you forgiveness or understanding or patience or the opportunity to hurt them again just so you can prove you won’t take advantage of that opportunity, this time

if you try to guilt or coax or bully them into staying, no matter how sad you are or how sure you are you can stop hurting them – you’re just doing the same damn thing all over again.

if you are truly committed to not being an abuser anymore, you have to do it specifically to stop being an abuser at all, not as a way to get someone to stay when they don’t want to.

you have to actually follow through with that commitment, and let people make decisions you don’t like without trying to punish, manipulate, or intimidate them into doing what you want.