Ugh, Anon, that’s tough. I’m sorry you’re being so poorly treated by your boss.
I rarely recommend going to Human Resources, but it is an option – make sure you start keeping a record of your boss’s behavior (inappropriate speech, abusive behavior, etc) and talk to your coworkers to see if they’ll back up what you say if you go to HR. Keeping a record and locking down help is a good thing to do whether or not you plan to take it up the chain.
If your boss has a superior you can talk to, you might try going to them for the raise instead; if they ask why you aren’t talking to your boss, you can say that you don’t feel they treat you fairly, and that other people have noticed you get the brunt of their abuse. Or you can open with that, but remember to have your records ready.
You do have the option of asking for a meeting and asking for a raise as a way of creating a record – especially if you can communicate with your boss by email, do that whenever possible so that either she doesn’t have the option to be abusive or you have a written record of it. If that’s not possible, ask a coworker to be nearby when you request a meeting, so that you have a witness. You can’t exactly bring a coworker into a meeting to ask for a raise, but you can take careful notes about what your boss said and go to their boss, or to HR, and discuss your boss’s behavior.
But honestly, were I you, I’d polish up my resume and start job hunting. Abusive people generally don’t change, and abusive jobs are just so terrible. You may not realize how terrible until you’re out of there, but trust me, there is a better job available for you with someone who won’t constantly be bullying you. Ignore your boss, check out of anything but your actual required duties, and start looking for somewhere better. Especially if you haven’t had a raise in five years, you can probably find somewhere with better pay even to start.
Good luck, I know it’s not easy. Remember to keep records, get support from your coworkers, and have witnesses around whenever possible, regardless of what you do.