no your majesty

anonymous asked:

What are some gendernuetral terms for royalty?

Your highness, your majesty, the ruler, and person in power are the ones I can think of. If anyone knows more feel free to add them!

Why King Harkinian is the best King of Hyrule:

  • Cares more about peace than war: “This peace is what all true warriors strive for.” [1]
  • When Gwonam came to the King to tell how Ganon had seized Korradai his first instinct was: “How can we help?” Clearly a selfless man willing to help another Kingdom in need.[1]
  • When he thought that Duke Onkled was under attack from Ganon, he went straight to Gamelon to help him out - another selfless deed and willing to go all the way there just to help him out in the flesh [2]
  • He soothes Zelda’s fears, and makes a smart decision, by taking the Triforce of Courage to protect him  [2]
  • Another smart decision by suggesting Zelda to send Link if he isn’t heard from within a month [2] 
  • Clearly an assertive King as he is able to silence everyone with a simple “Enough”, it’s clear he has power but isn’t feared for it [2]
  • A simple man - still thinks about dinner so he must obviously be respected by his people as he could be considered a relatable ruler [2]
  • Clearly a formidable opponent in duels as Link claims Ganon would be “no match for the King”  [2]
  • Thanks Zelda for saving him - not condescending or unbelieving but genuinely thankful for his daughter saving his life [3]
  • Gives proper punishment for those who deserve it, doesn’t let Duke Onkled get out scot free [3]
  • Respected by his royal guards: he calls him “Your Majesty” and “My Liege”, and follows his orders once again showing that Harkinian has power [3]
  • Enjoys spending time with his daughter, holds her dear to him - doesn’t put a ton of pressure on her, and just enjoys her company (see the ending) [3]
2

“This is your new bodyguard, your Majesty” aka:: First meetings

The prince and his Captain!AU where Prince Lance of Altea is designated a guard after an attempt of kidnapping, sending Captain Keith to guard the flirty and problematic prince without knowing how this meeting would change their lives forever.

I AM SO OVERWHELMED BY THE FEELINGS IN MY HEART RIGHT NOW. MY TINY HEART IS TOO TINY FOR THIS NONSENSE LIKE WHAT IN THE FUCK

EMMA IS MAKING FUCKING PANCAKES

IN A ROBE AND WE ALL FUCKING KNOW WHAT HAPPENED THE NIGHT BEFORE WHILE KILLIAN WALKS UP BEHIND HER IN AN UNBUTTONED VEST WHICH LBR IS BASICALLY HIM BEING NAKED LIKE THE NUMBER OF LAYERS ON THIS MAN AT ALL TIMES IS ABSURD BUT LIKE

THIS IS TOO MUCH. I CANNOT LOOK DIRECTLY AT IT.

THIS IS LIKE THE FUCKING SUN. I AM BLINDED BY THE JOY AND THE HAPPINESS AND THE CONTENTMENT AND THE WAY HE’S GRINNING INTO HER SKIN AND THE WAY SHE BITES HER LIP. THIS IS AHHHHHHHHH MAKE IT STOP

AND SHE LIKE FUCKING POUNCES ON HIM AND HER HANDS DON’T FUCKING STOP MOVING AND HER LIPS ARE SO INSISTENT AND 

SHE KEEPS FUCKING PULLING HIM CLOSER AND CLOSER AND WHAT T H E F U C KKKKK I CANNOT HANDLE THIS EVEN A LITTLE

ALSO CAN WE TALK ABOUT HOW WILD HER HAIR IS? SHE CLEARLY JUST WOKE UP AND CAME DOWN TO MAKE THEM BOTH PANCAKES BECAUSE THEY MUST BE STARVING AND HE GOT DRESSED HALF WAY AND CAME DOWN TO FIND HER WHEN HE SMELLED ALL THE NICE THINGS AND THEN HE SEES HER WITH HER HAIR ALL WILD AND HER FACE ALL FRESH AND GLOWY AND HAPPY AND WHO CAN BLAME HIM FOR WANTING TO KISS HER OK?

OK BUT WHAT KILLS ME THE DEADEST IS THAT SHE PULLS AWAY JUST SO SHE CAN LOOK AT HIM. CLEARLY SHE WANTS TO KEEP KISSING HIM BUT IN THAT MOMENT, SHE NEEDS SO SEE HIS FACE, TO SEE AGAIN HOW MUCH HE LOVES HER AND WHAT SHE HAS NOW AND I CANNOT LOOK AT HIS SMILE THIS IS TOO MUCH *SHIELDS EYES*

GUYS, GUYS, GUYS. I THINK SHE LOVES HIM.

AND I THINK HE LOVES HER.

SHE’S SO FUCKING HAPPY AND SHE LOOKS SO YOUNG HERE AND SO HAPPY AND IN LOVE AND SHE LOVES HIM SO MUCH OMG

HE CAN’T BELIEVE IT EITHER BECAUSE WHO WOULD HAVE FUCKING THOUGHT RIGHT? 

AND THEN SHE’S LIKE FUCK WAIT MUST GET BACK TO THE KISSING. HE’S SO GOOD AT THE KISSING. MUST TOUCH SOFT LIPS AGAIN.

AND UGH IT STARTS SO SOFT BUT PICKS UP SO FUCKING QUICK LIKE WTF AND HE JUST RESPONDS WITHOUT MISSING A BEAT LIKE THIS IS TOO MUCH FOR ME BECAUSE THEY LOVE EACH OTHER AND WANT EACH OTHER SO MUCH, IT MAKES MY HEART MELT ALSO SEEING THAT RING ON HER FINGER IS HURTING MY EYES AGAIN.

THE HANDS, THE HANDSSSSSS

WILL NO ONE THINK OF THE POOR FANGIRLS?! WHY WOULD YOU KISS THIS WAY?! WITH THE FRANTIC PULLING EACH OTHER CLOSER AND THE HANDS THAT WON’T STOP TOUCHING. WHY WOULD YOU HURT ME THIS WAY YOU ASSHOLES?!

I CAN’T TAKE IT BECAUSE THEY’RE SMILING THE ASSHOLES DO THEY NOT KNOW WHAT THIS IS DOING TO MY SMALL TINY HEART?!

TO HELL WITH THE PANCAKES. YASSS EMMA, YASSSSS.

AND SHE FUCKING PUSHES HIM INTO THE TABLE AND SHE’S PROBABLY BETWEEN HIS LEGS RIGHT NOW AND HIS HAND IS RUNNING UP AND DOWN HER BACK AND HIS HOOK IS HOLDING HER STEAD BECAUSE SHE CANNOT STOP MOVING HER HANDS

AND LIKE FUCKING SOMEONE HAS TO KEEP THEM FROM FALLING ONTO THE TABLE BUT BY THE LOOKS OF IT, EMMA TOTALLY WANTS KILLIAN TO FALL ONTO HIS BACK RIGHT THERE OK?! LIKE NOPE LET’S JUST DO THE DO RIGHT HERE. SMOOSHING BOOTIES ON THE DINING TABLE.

AND LOL THE SHOCK! THEY’RE SO DAZED THIS IS HILARIOUS

AND KILLIAN SAYING LIKE OH YOUR MOTHER HAS A KEY. THAT’S GOOD INFORMATION. YES OK. TRY TO CALM DOWN NOW.

THE SHOCK AND THE WIDE EYES LOLOLOL

BUT OK I FUCKING LOVE HOW EMMA JUST LOOKS AMUSED PRETTY MUCH THROUGH THIS WHOLE EXCHANGE BECAUSE THOUGH SHE REALLY, REALLY WANTS TO DO THE DO WITH HER FIANCE IN THEIR HOUSE (WHAT THE FUCK HOW DID WE GET HERE FROM CLIMBING A BEANSTALK TOGETHER ONE TIME FUCK FUCK FUCKKKK) 

SHE NEVER THOUGHT SHE’S HAVE THIS EITHER? HER MOTHER ACCIDENTALLY WALKING IN ON THEM AND LIKE IT’S LIKE EMBARRASSING OR WHATEVER BUT SHE’S JUST SO FUCKING HAPPY TO HAVE ALL THIS IN HER LIFE NOW? THESE MOMENTS OF PEACE AND LOVE AND SILLINESS

AND LOL SHE’S LIKE NOOOO AND KILLIAN IS LIKE HAHAHA YES WE WERE ABOUT TO BANG YOUR MAJESTY. I HAVE A SERIOUS PROBLEM RN LOL ALSO I LOVE THAT THOUGH SNOW IS RIGHT THERE, EMMA STRAIGHT UP DOEAN’T MOVE FOR FUCKING AGES AND JUST KEEPS RUNNING HER HANDS OVER KILLIAN’S SHOULDERS, SOOTHING HIM  AND TOUCHING HIM STILL AND KILLIAN’S HAND DOESN’T MOVE FROM HER WAIST EITHER

LIKE DESPITE THE DISCOMFORT, IT’S ALSO SUCH A COMFORTABLE MOMENT?! IT’S SO DOMESTIC AND ORDINARY AND EMMA IS STILL STROKING KILLIAN’S ARM HERE AND I AM IN SO MUCH PAIN *CRIES TEARS OF BLOOD* AND THEY ONLY FUCKING STAND WHEN SNOW IS LIKE UMM PANCAKES LOLOL

AND THIS ASSHOLE LOLOLOL HE IS SO UNAMUSED. I’VE LOST MY APPETITE. BRACING FUCKING SHOWER HE SAYS  LOLOLOL

THIS CHEEK KISS, THE PANCAKES, THE KILLIAN’S HAND ON HER WAIST AGAIN. THE DOMESTICITY OF IT ALL

LOOK HOW HAPPY SHE IS. DO YOU SEE IT? DO YOU SEE THE JOY IN HER EYES?! SHE’S SO HAPPY GODDAMNIT

*THROWS ALL THE THINGS*

THIS IS TOO MUCH. I CANNOT HANDLE THIS. FUCKING FUCK FUCKKK

BSOD in D&D

We’re playing a homebrew 5e campaign which featured a quest inspired by Alice in Wonderland.
While meeting the Queen of Hearts, our monk stuck her foot in her mouth and pissed the queen off, which resulted in our sorcerer (who always seems to have a plan for everything) having to surreptitiously cast one hell of a knockout spell that enabled the monk to escape. He and I faked being knocked out as well so as not to bring her wrath upon us too.

When the queen and her guards awoke, she started questioning the sorcerer about what had happened. Then she turned her attention to me (playing a warforged paladin).

DM (as the queen): You there- metal man. What did you see?

Not wanting to answer in a way that would throw off the sorcerer’s scheme, I had to come up with an adequate answer without giving anything away. Luckily, I just so happened to have a quip for just such an occasion.

Me (IC): System32 damaged. Rebooting…

*entire table erupts into laughter*

Sorcerer: I apologize, Your Majesty. He runs on Windows 98.

The night before her would-be ascent to the throne, a princess pricks her thumb on a curse and falls into a sleep like death.

A hundred years pass and still she dreams, unaging, until at last a prince comes passing through. His kiss breaks the spell and rouses her from her long enchanted slumber.

“By why?” he pleads, when she furiously orders her guards to behead him. “Forgive me, your majesty! I knew not that my kiss would be unwelcome.”

“It’s not the kissing that I mind,” the princess replies. “But you broke the spell and woke me, and now I no longer have an excuse to avoid my responsibilities.”

Humans Are Weird

Okay so I wanna make my own ‘humans are weird’ posts cause I love that this is a thing and I wanna make my own before it diies out.

Okay so like what if aliens don’t understand celebrities being treated as dieties? Like they would probably see all the merchadise and photos and news coverage and fanclubs that accompany celebrities and might understand it the same way they would with religion. Like an alien sees a bunch of posters of a celebrity in a human’s room and asks about it and then the human says

“Oh them? That’s (insert celebrity name here)! They’re amazing! I’d be soo excited if I ever got to meet them. 

The alien would proably think that meeting the celebrity was some special privilige only granted to the few that the celebrity deems worthy and that’s why humans freak the fuck out whenever meeting a celebrity. 

So like imagine that an alien, with the understanding that celebrities are beings with very high influence and power in society, met a celebrity.

Like an alien was visiting earth and then miraculously saw Beyonce on the street. The alien would only know how to react in terms of how they see crowds react on tv and how humans talk about celebrites

The alien would probably bow down and then say “Its truely an honor to meet you! I understand you have great influence in society! If it is not too much trouble, your majesty, would you please write your name on a piece of paper?”