no you don't get it i'm hilarious

the signs as Rick and Morty quotes
  • Aries: I've got about a thousand memories of your dumb little ass and about six of them are pleasant, the rest is annoying garbage!
  • Taurus: Get your shit together. Get it all together and put it in a backpack, all your shit, so it's together. And if you gotta take it somewhere, take it somewhere, you know? Take it to the Shit Store and sell it, or put it in a Shit Museum, I don't care what you do, you just gotta get it together. Get your shit together.
  • Gemini: Listen, I'm not the nicest guy in the universe because I'm the smartest, and being nice is something stupid people do to hedge their bets.
  • Cancer: Aw, man. I really liked this life. Well, at least I didn't really crap my pants.
  • Leo: Whatever you're asking, the answer is I'm amazing.
  • Virgo: What, so everyone's supposed to sleep every single night now? You realize that nighttime makes up half of all time?
  • Libra: Yeah sure, I mean, if you spend all day shuffling words around, you can make anything sound bad.
  • Scorpio: I thought the whole point of having a dog was to feel superior. If I were you I wouldn't pull that thread.
  • Sagittarius: You gotta flip 'em off, I told them it means "peace among worlds", how hilarious is that!
  • Capricorn: Don't waste your brain on those weirdos... They just put you at the center of their lives because you're powerful, and then because they put you there, they want you to be less powerful.
  • Aquarius: Okay, well...sometimes science is more art than science. Lot of people don't get that.
  • Pisces: Nobody exists on purpose, nobody belongs anywhere, everybody's gonna die. Come watch TV?
conversations that I wish would stop happening
  • "Real" adult: so... what's your major? Your grad school plans? Your next ten years?
  • Me, technically an adult: I'm majoring in art history and I honestly love it! I don't have any set plans, but I'm really young and I'm just happy with what I'm doing now.
  • Adult: *starts snickering*
  • Me: *trying to be polite* haha yeah it's just something I really love, i know it's stupid...
  • Adult: HOW YOU GONNA GET A JOB WITH THAT hahahaha wow whew hilarious.... good luck with that you stupid millennial.... go eat some avocado toast... haha cracking myself up here
  • fanon holtzmann: smooth 24/7, Sex God, knows exactly what to say and it is hilarious, makes you gay even if you Don't Want That, fashion icon, seriously though look at her for one second and You're Gay, she planned all of this to work perfectly
  • canon holtzmann: certifiably Bad™ at feelings, has no idea. about anything that's happening. ever, fashion disaster, science is her safe place, literally lies down on the ground and hides from confrontation, trash girl, never paid for a thing in her life
Just Irish Things

When you’re playing cards with a lad down the pub and it all seems to be going grand, but then you notice he has hooves instead of feet and ur like ‘ah here, fuck this’

anonymous asked:

Honestly if pyro turns out to be anything other than a sentient giant balloonicorn I'm gonna be low key disappointed

Now that is a truly magical headcanon I could believe in.

  • MC: what are you doing yoosung
  • Yoosung: um
  • Yoosung: what am i not doing
  • MC: your homework yoosung
  • MC: you're not going to graduate college if you don't do it yoosung
  • MC: and you won't get a job yoosung
  • MC: how are you support us and our children yoosung
  • MC: i'm not pregnant but i will have a child to make a point yoosung
  • MC: why are you running yoosung
  • MC: stop crying yoosung
  • MC: goddammit yoosung
*me, this afternoon*

“…whoa.”

“WHOA.”

“New icon communicating what’s been flagged?”

“Actually being told what’s been flagged as NSFW?”

“…and an option to say ‘no, that’s just a gif of Scooby’s strange snout sniffing some secret spooky shoes?’”

*not long after*

“…and email updates that are quick and gorgeously-formatted on mobile? It’s a Christmas miracle!

After previous hilarious, inexplicable flaggings, this is wonderful to see. Fantastic work, Tumblr – it’s a much-needed layer of transparency that improves the system tenfold. Occasional system goofs are inevitable, that’s no big deal… as long as we can get them fixed, we’re golden.

–Colin

Ps. Y’know, you could even save an intern some time, and whitelist SDM… we’re 2,865 family-friendly posts in, and I don’t feel like pulling a Hollywood and making a gritty reboot in a couple years ;)

i really really need to talk about last night’s episode of brooklyn nine nine. that is not the kind of episode that you can fully appreciate in one watch so i had to go back and see it again before i talked about it. i am not in a place to speak on racial profiling but when i read the press release of this episode and found out that my favourite show is doing an episode on this very important and complex topic, I was intrigued but also worried. when taking on a topic that is incredibly urgent and relevant in today’s world, there definitely is a huge amount of responsibility that the show needs to take in highlighting the issue and giving it the importance it deserves while also maintaining the structure of the show. i definitely do not doubt dan goor and the brooklyn nine nine writers and actors for even a second, but taking on a topic like this in a cop comedy show where cops are believed to be inherently good and protective of their citizens is an incredibly huge risk, one that i did not want the show to take unless they were certain that they could do justice to it. and justice they did. 

i honestly cannot express how incredibly happy i was to see someone other than jake be a part of the A plot. don’t get me wrong you know jake peralta is the absolute love of my life, but the supporting characters in this show are so incredibly interesting and there’s so many great stories to be explored with them and sometimes they are underutilized in episodes and it’s frustrating because you know they have so much more to offer. terry excels in mediocre C plots so when he is given a fantastic A plot, he absolutely nails it. 

right off the bat when terry tells the squad about the incident, i absolutely love jake saying that he has never been stopped by a cop and he has done some really crazy things and the flashback that follows, b99 has never been a show to shy away from discussing white privilege and i love that this continued on in this episode. i love that terry’s first course of action was not to punish the officer for making the mistake, but rather talk to him about it and ensure that he wouldn’t ever do it to anyone else again. i loved the conversations between holt and terry, it was interesting to see the differing perspectives of two black men in positions of authority and who belong to different generations. holt is justified in worrying about terry’s career and telling him to pick his battles, regardless of how deeply wrong the incident was. terry is justified in wanting to do the right thing and make the officer pay for what he did because this incident had nothing to do with his career in the first place. terry’s childhood flashback and viewing a cop as a superhero and telling holt that he can’t stop thinking about the thought of his daughters one day being out on the street looking for their child’s toy and being stopped by a bad cop and not being able to play the police card was heartbreaking. i love that terry chooses to file the report and doesn’t care about it affecting his chances of getting the city council job because it is the right thing to do. i can’t express how amazing terry crews is in this scene and how he makes me cry within seconds because his emotions are so raw and to see such a positive and happy person feel so defeated really hits you hard. i love that holt tells terry that when he went through these situations, he was alone and he had no one to turn to so he had to rise through the ranks to create change, but now he’s there, and how he decides to support terry regardless of the consequences. i love that there isn’t an easy resolution to this plot and it is a bittersweet ending because terry does not get the city council position likely due to his complaint against the officer and he does consider the thought of him maybe being able to do more if he had gotten the position. i love that holt and terry do acknowledge the fact that it’s tough to survive in this world, regardless of their position or rank. the writers don’t sugarcoat the issue but they also don’t let it slip to a dark and grave place that offers no hope, they find the perfect balance between the two, making their treatment of the issue that much more effective. 

jake and amy babysitting cagney and lacey was so so so important to me but i loved that it didn’t take away from the seriousness of the issue in any way. jake and amy showed immense growth in this episode, from thinking that cake and movies is the perfect diversion for the kids so they can avoid talking about the subject of race to actually having the most difficult conversation that a parent could possibly have with their child and handling it with so much care and sensitivity and not sugarcoating the issue for the children but also not giving them more information than they could handle. i love the last scene between them and how they go back and forth about the idea of kids, acknowledging that yes they’re super stressful but the experience of being with them is rewarding and being able to shape young minds is a powerful feeling. but wait kids are exhausting but they also have the cutest shoes and hands. our babies are ready to have their own babies!! i always knew that jake and amy would make perfect loving supportive and caring parents but if this episode is any indication, they’ll be even greater than i ever imagined. 

best jokes of the episode:

  • “get woke scully” I SCREAM EVERYTIME
  • all of charles’ creepy hilarious lines about jake and amy being parents!!
  • gina’s song on racism
  • “oh and one more thing, i love you” “i love you too jake” so cute so cute so cute
  • “tv and cake were my parents”
  • “what kind of kids don’t wanna eat cake, should we call child services on terry”
  • the handling of the orgasm question
  • gina and rosa babysitting cagney and lacey (lord knows i’d kill for an entire episode of this)
5

Newt: Credence, is that your real name?
Credence: Yes.
Newt: Oh you could do better than that. I’m gonna help you out right now, your name is Angelo. Angelo thank you so much for coming out. Get a thicker tie, it looks weird on you. It makes your head look like a fish.

(Parks and Recreation; Season 4, Episode 2: Ron and Tammys)

Tagged by the wonderful @gracebabcockwrites 😘

Is there a snack you like to eat while writing?

Usually Oxygen but no, not really.

What time of day do you usually write?

I used to write at night like really late at night but since I discovered that night time is meant for sleeping and I started using it for that, I write usually during afternoons or evenings or while the night is still young.

Where do you write?

On a bed. Anyone’s for that matter and not necessarily my own.

How often do you write a new thing?

As often as I want to.

Do you listen to music while you write?

I like to concentrate while writing, so, nope.

Paper or laptop?

My love and I have a connection which makes it easier for words to flow, so it’s always my dear laptop.

Do you have a special pre-writing ritual?

Yeah like, umm…, oh wait, no I don’t.

What do you do to get into the writing?

It just happens, I guess.

Do you have a reward system for word counts?

Before this question, I‘ve never even thought about word count.

Is there anything else about your writing process your readers don’t know about?

I use a secret word processor which the world does not know about yet but you know what I’ll reveal the secret today.
It’s called MS Word.

Now I think they know everything.


Tagging everyone who would like to do this. Please do tag me if you do this, I’d love to read your answers :)

  • Maggie: Jesus, do you like Daryl? You seem to stare at him a lot and open up to him quite a bit.
  • Jesus: Excuse me? How dare you.
  • Jesus: I am shocked that you would ask such atrocious things.
  • Jesus: I could never. He is one of my best friends.
  • Jesus: Like how could you even think such things?
  • Jesus: I mean yeah, he's really cute and he brings out the best in me but how dare you accuse me of having incredibly strong feelings for Daryl which I obviously don't have.
  • Jesus: Yes, I can open up to him and he doesn't judge me which is a relief but HOW dare you ask me such a ridiculous thing.
  • Jesus: He does make my days brighter just by looking at me but I am appalled that you assume such things.
  • Jesus: I'm going to go talk to Daryl about this accusation. *storms off*
  • Maggie, to herself: I knew it. He totally likes Daryl.

luna-person  asked:

(2/2) Also, can shiro proposing to keith be a yearly thing( building on the "I'll say yez to you if you asked me 50 times they don't have to get married every year just think it'd be cute(though they'd definitely get married on the 50th year)) And, I think one of my favorite tropes in the family au so far is keith calling shiro nicknames (such as bro, dude ,man, etc.)and keith going monotone (I live for it)(I'm scrolling through your voltron family tag and it's amazing, so sorry for spam) xoxo ♡

OKAY. I absolutely ADORE the fact that Keith and Shiro calls each other “BRO” “DUDE” “MAN” too despite being married ‘cause I just find it utterly hilarious that’s why it makes its appearance from time to time. ;) They did call each other “BRO” and “DUDE” when they got together even when Shiro proposed. Keith going monotone LMAO I’m so happy you live for that because SAME. 

The 50 times thing Keith said is not joke. SHIRO DOES PROPOSE YEARLY. Let’s have a breakdown on how it went through the years.

[The Voltron Family] The times Takashi Shirogane proposed to Keith. They didn’t always have a wedding because that’s just absurd. They, however, do something special, like a dinner date.

[1st]  We know this was during their 8th year of dating. Had a wedding in Japan with the parents and all—traditional Japanese style.

[2nd] He proposed while they watched CSI before sleeping. Had their second wedding in Japan—modern style. The kids were there.

[3rd] Keith was eating his cereal because he was stayed up late editing so he didn’t have the energy to cook anything for his breakfast. Also he woke up late, it was already noon. Shiro went down to the kitchen and saw his husband, still in his Adventure Time pyjamas, messy bed hair everywhere, eyes closing every 5 seconds, spoon hanging in the air. 

Shiro: Good Morning, sleepy head. *gives Keith a kiss on the cheek*
Keith: Who are you? *blinks sleepily* *spoon still hanging in the air*
Shiro: *bends down to take Keith’s spoon and eat his cereal*
Keith: What the hell? *tries to look angry but is still sleepy*
Shiro: *gulps* *chuckles* Marry me?
Keith: *eyes widens* *blinks repeatedly* Looking like this?
Shiro: *examines Keith* Looking like a college student who had 10 minutes of sleep because of thesis paper and is definitely not ready to face the day to take not only one, but five of his final exams? *smiles* DEFINITELY.
Keith: *rolls his eyes while smiling fondly* Fine. Gimme a second to wash my face and we can let the kids wed us.
Shiro: Perfect. *leans in the give Keith a peck on the lips* KIDS!!!! DADDIES ARE GETTING MARRIED!!!! 
Pidge: AGAIN? *shouts back*
Shiro: WHAT IS WITH THAT TONE, YOUNG LADY? YES. AGAIN.

[4th] Keith was washing the cars with the help of Shiro. He stepped on the stepping ladder to reach the top when he was met with Shiro on the other side.

Shiro: *beams* Marry me, oh sweet sexy car washer guy!
Keith: This sweet sexy car washer guy will only marry the other sexy car washer guy if they actually finish washing the cars. *throws foams of bubbles at Shiro’s face*
Shiro: *still beaming* *foam lands on his nose* I’ll take that as a yes!

[5th] They were doing groceries at the PRODUCE section with the kids when suddenly Keith turned around to call for Shiro and he saw him down on one knee, holding out a beansprout tied at its ends in a poor attempt of a ring.

Keith: I’m not that cheap! *places hand on chest* *scandalized*
Shiro: *holds out another beansprout ring* *smiles*
Keith: Now that’s what I’m talking about. I like my men rich. *holds out one hand for Shiro to put his rings on*

[6th] Keith was in the bathroom when Shiro knocked. 

Shiro: *opens the door to enter* *slides the shower curtain aside* *frantic* Keith, will you marry me?!!
Keith: *eyes widens* *tries to cover his body with more bubbles* SHIRO WHAT THE HELL? *slips in the bathtub*
Shiro: *catches Keith in time* Why hello there, handsome. Did it hurt? When you fell for me? *wiggles eyebrows*
Keith: Shiro, I love you but I swear to god I’m going to kill you.
Shiro: Great! That’s settled then! I’ll pick you up at 8pm for our dinner date, fiance~ *winks* *leans down to kiss Keith on the lips* *blinks repeatedly as he tastes his own lips* Huh, soapy.

[7th] Keith received an urgent call from Shiro telling him to come immediately to the hospital, he wouldn’t tell him what the emergency was, just that Keith needed to be there ASAP. So Keith drove as fast as he could, leaving early from work. He looked for Shiro frantically until he found him, looking devastated in his own office.

Keith: Shiro, what’s wrong? *approaches him* *places hand on his shoulders*
Shiro: Keith, I want you to be calm, alright? 
Keith: Okay. *nods*
Shiro: I got my recent heart scan and I found out that…
Keith: *gulps* *sweats nervously* Yes?
Shiro: *sighs* I guess it’s better you see it yourself. *takes out a big brown folder from his drawer and hands it to Keith*
Keith: *takes it and opens it* *the scan reveals Shiro’s heart but in there were white veins that spelled out “WILL YOU MARRY ME?”* 
Shiro: *smirks*
Keith: *looks up* *slaps Shiro* *smiling* I FUCKING HATE YOU! 
Shiro: *laughs* *grabs Keith’s hand to stop him from slapping him further*
Keith: Though I gotta hand it to you, this is really creative.
Shiro: Yeah? You think so too? *looks at the X-Ray.
Keith: Yeah… *looks up at Shiro and slaps him again* DON’T YOU EVER SCARE ME LIKE THAT AGAIN!
Shiro: *chuckles* Sorry, sorry! But I just couldn’t resist. So? What’s your answer? *smiles fondly at Keith while interlacing their hands*
Keith: Of course, it’s a yes. You still have 44 proposals to go.
Shiro: *smirks* Wow. Someone’s counting.
Keith: Someone has to. I wonder what you’ll do next year. Gonna get creative every year, aren’t we?
Shiro: *sways them* I dunno. I could propose while I’m pooping—
Keith: And I’d still say yes. *leans in to give Shiro a peck on the lips*
Shiro: *chuckles* Wow, okay. I know you liked me, but I didn’t know you liked me THAT much, Keith!

Literally this episode
  • Annalise: OMG how funny would it be if someone shot me in the leg lol? Connor you do it!
  • Connor: ERM no thank you I played such a small part in the last murder I don't want to go to jail!
  • Annalise: Well maybe I'll send Oliver to jail?
  • Connor: Give me that fucking gun.
  • Annalise: Omg do it! In the leg tho I don't wanna die lmao
  • Michaela: NO DO ME FIRST ITLL BE HILARIOUS!!!!
  • Connor: Michaela no
  • Michaela: Michaela yes
  • Connor: I'm out bitches this isn't fun anymore. I want to go back to being a domesticated husband.
  • Michaela: If I'm not getting shot then I'm out too
  • Annalise: WES YOU DO IT BRO
  • Wes: No
  • Annalise: Laurel? Help a girl out! I promise you'll love it! I'll help you get Michaela to date you!
  • Laurel: Tempting but no thanks
  • Annalise: Wes your ex is dead does that change things?
  • Wes: YES IMMA SHOOT YOU IN THE STOMACH
  • Annalise: Hoe don't do it!
  • Wes: Bang!
  • Annalise: I said in the leg ur such a bitch Christoph
  • Wes: What the fuck?
Can I Just

Bun is one of the best writers out there, and everyone needs to know that. Whenever her fingers move across a keyboard, and words are turned into stories- my heart swells with every character and plot and feeling that she tries to convey. @rbuns, you are amazing, and I’m so lucky I have you as a friend. <3 <3

Originally posted by bombom-doce

anonymous asked:

To be honest, if I ever met Darren and the worst von beard ever was with him, I would purposely ignore her and talk to Darren instead. 1, he's the actual talent. 2, I actually like him. 3, she's a nobody who desperately is trying to get a hold in Hollywood, which has rejected her plenty. And 4, I'm sure it would be hilarious to see her squirm and get pissed that I don't care about her at all.

Honestly, putting my obvious intense dislike (putting it mildly) aside, why would you pay attention to her?  She is not famous. She has no accomplishments. And she is not interesting. The only reason to give her attention is because of who it is perceived that she dates.

That is literally the only thing that is even remotely distinguishable about her as opposed to the other woman walking in the same casino in Vegas.  Take a photo with her, why not take one with me? At least I have a respectable job that I work hard at and am able to independently support myself.

So I agree with you, if I saw them out together (and honestly, that is something I am happy to pass on), I would wholly ignore her. Darren is the celebrity. He is the person I admire. He is the one who has provided me with endless entertainment since the first time he graced my TV screen almost 7 years ago. 

And I would think the same even if this were a real relationship.

  • Charles: do you want to hear a joke?
  • Erik: no.
  • Charles: okay, what did the cell about to undergo mitosis say to the interested geneticist?
  • Erik: Charles, please don't.
  • Charles: I HOPE I HAVE YOUR DIVIDED ATTENTION
  • Charles: get it? because the cell divides during mitosis?Isn't that hilarious?! I'm so clever, Erik!
  • Erik: kill me please.

anonymous asked:

Dude, I just watched Right Hand Man and I just wanna tell you how proud I am of you. You work really hard on all of your animatics and they always come out so beautiful and at the same time utterly hilarious. My sisters and I love watching your animatics. We actually get really excited whenever you post a new one and watch it nonstop until you post a new one 😆 I'm sorta rambling now cause I don't really know how to talk to artists that I admire, but yeah. I'm just really, really proud of you

dude this is so sweet ;;; im rly happy you’re proud of me :’))) thank you love <3 say hi to ur sisters from me!

anonymous asked:

Honestly, I just wanted to let you know that you're an amazing person. I know I don't personally know you but I've been watching your videos for months now and I'm glad to have found your channel. You're such a sweet person, you're hilarious, you give off such positivity it's amazing. I genuinely hope life is treating you well because you deserve happiness and much more! I don't think you realize what a great impact you have on some of your viewers (such as me), so thank you! Keep being you!

UGH YOU ARE TOO SWEET. Putting positivity out into the world is da best bc you just get it right back!!! & that’s what YOU JUST DID you positive lil bean❤️❤️❤️❤️