no wait that's sherlock

  • *in a cab; on the way to the christening*
  • Molly: *happily* Oh isn't this exciting? I bet she looks lovely. And John and Mary are wonderful parents...
  • Sherlock: *on his phone* Mmm.
  • Molly: *sighs* Oh, her name is just beautiful *giggles* I always wanted to name my daughter Persephone.
  • Sherlock: *glances at her*
  • Molly: *rolls her eyes* Hey, I was eleven at the time and really into all that mythology stuff.
  • Sherlock: *still typing* There are worse names for a child than Persephone Holmes.
  • Molly: ...
  • Molly: *raises an eyebrow* Why would it be Holmes?
  • Sherlock: *shrugs* I always assumed you'd take your husband's name.
  • Molly: *scoffs* Yeah, well, I'm not going to marry Mycroft!
  • Sherlock: *confused* We've been sleeping together and you think-
  • Molly: *giggles* No, I mean, I just thought you weren't the marrying kind.
  • Sherlock: *sighs* Sex, Molly. I don't do that with just anyone.
  • Molly: *raises an eyebrow* You love me?
  • Sherlock: Obviously.
  • Molly: *smirks* I'm sorry? I didn't catch that.
  • Sherlock: *smiles* I love you.
  • Molly: *takes his hand* I love you too.
  • Sherlock: *coughs* So you'll...marry me, then?
  • Molly: *kisses his cheek* Of course I will.
Normal Girls VS Fangirls
  • Girl: Oh my God. I'm such a nerd! I've been spending so much time on Netflix lately, like you don't even understand! I'm such a fan!
  • Me: How many shows do you watch?
  • Girl: One. Gossip Girl, but like I was up for three hours watching it last night. All the way until ten o'clock.
  • Me:
  • Girl: What about you? What do you watch?
  • Me: Doctor Who, Supernatural, Sherlock, Merlin, Attack on Titan, The Big Bang Theory, Vampire Knight, Vampire Diaries, MARVEL Agents of SHEILD, The Walking Dead... Oh, yeah, and I've seen Gossip Girl too.
  • Girl:
  • Me: Don't even get me started on my ships.
  • me: *has exams to study for*
  • me: *has tons of unfinished homework*
  • me: *is sleep deprived*
  • me: *literally just reads fanfiction and eats*
  • me: I should do something with my life
  • me: or read more fanfiction..
  • me: let's read more fanfiction
Poison and Wine: A Sherlock x Reader Fanfic

Chapter Twenty-One: What’s A Boy To Do

”So, Irene, what are you doing back in London?” Sherlock was sitting in his chair, absentmindedly picking at the strings of his violin. You were busying yourself with putting away the groceries. You and Sherlock had just left the bedroom minutes before. Irene had made it a point to watch Sherlock as he emerged from the bedroom. They were sitting in silence for those few minutes, the sound of bags rustling echoing throughout the flat.

”She did a really lovely job on your neck.” Irene murmured, her chin in her hand as she stared at Sherlock’s new bruise. “I always thought you would be the dominant one, Sherly.. There go those fantasies.” Irene smiled, letting out a bit of a laugh. Sherlock rolled his eyes, but didn’t say anything. “Oh, you’re still learning, aren’t you? Trust me, dear, it only gets better after the first time.”

”Irene. Why are you here?” Sherlock repeated.

”Oh, come on now, Sherlock. It’s been years. Can’t we catch up a bit?”

”Yes. Why did you decide to come back?”

You heard Irene let out a sigh. “You’re no fun at all. I thought you’d be much more fun with a girlfriend.” You turned in the kitchen, meeting Sherlock’s eyes. You raised your eyebrows at Sherlock, a bit of a grin on your face. His mouth quirked up just a little.

”I am much more fun now. For instance, if you don’t tell me why you’re back, I’m going to force you to leave the flat.” Sherlock smiled at the woman now, before allowing it to fall from his face. His expression was serious as he plucked his strings once again.

”It’s Moriarty.” Sherlock’s violin immediately ceased to be heard. You paused, holding a carton of milk in midair, preparing to put it into the fridge. Irene raised an eyebrow at Sherlock, “That has your attention.”

Keep reading

Family Dinner
  • Mycroft: *whines* Why are we doing this? We never do this.
  • Mummy Holmes: *pouring out the wine* We're celebrating life.
  • Mycroft: *rubbing his forehead* We already knew Molly was fertile, we do not need another celebration (to Sherlock) Or is this because you still boast a healthy sperm count?
  • Sherlock: *glaring at Mycroft*
  • Mummy Holmes: Not at the dinner table, Mike.
  • Sherlock: *leans in to Molly* Remember, this was your idea.
  • Baby Holmes: *tugging Sherlock's shirt* Daddy, can I have some wine?
  • Sherlock: *shrugs* I don't see why- *catches Molly's eye* Sorry, son.
  • Mummy Holmes: *rubs her hands together* Right, I take it you still say grace, Sherlock?
  • Sherlock: *sarcastic* Every day, mother, dearest *tight smile*
  • Mummy Holmes: *rolls her eyes; clasps her hands and bows her head* 'For what we are about to receive, may the Lord make us truly thankful. Amen.'
  • Baby Holmes: Amen.
  • *knives and forks clatter*
  • Baby Holmes: *suddenly; thoughtful* Granny?
  • Mummy Holmes: *smiles sweetly* Yes, angel?
  • Baby Holmes: *prodding his peas* Does God ever listen to people?
  • Mummy Holmes: Of course he does, my dear. He listens to all.
  • Baby Holmes: *confused* Then why doesn't Mummy ever get any more? Is it because she always asks at night time?
  • Molly: *chokes on her drink*
  • Sherlock: *clatters his cutlery*
  • Mummy Holmes: ...
  • Mycroft: *horrified*
  • ...
  • *flat door opens, revealing John, Mary and baby Rosie*
  • John: Sorry we're late *sees everyone's shocked expressions; confused* What did we miss?
Johnlock AU, Sherlock loses his memory
  • John: Sherlock, its me. John.
  • Sherlock: John who?
  • John: *quiet for a moment* John. John Watson.
  • Sherlock: Never heard of you.
  • John: For gods sake Sherlock! Its me!
  • Sherlock: I've never seen you before in my life.
  • John: Sherlock. Its me, John, your flatmate, your best friend!
  • Sherlock: *clearly confused* I'm sorry, I think you have me mistaken for someone else.
  • John: *chuckling sadly* Who else do you know is named Sherlock? Sherlock Holmes? Hmm?
  • Sherlock: How do you know my name?
  • John: Because I'm John Watson! I'm your best friend! Have been for the past 3 years!
  • Sherlock: *slowly backing away* I'm sorry, I don't know who you are. I don't know who you think I'm suppose to be.
  • John: Sherlock Holmes. The Sherlock Holmes. Consulting detective, only one in the world. MY best friend.
  • Sherlock: You're clearly mistaken. Thats my name but I'm not any of the things you've just mentioned.
  • John: *completely baffled* Jesus, you really don't know who I am?
  • Sherlock: I'm sorry. I don't.
  • John: This isn't right. This is wrong. All of this is WRONG.
  • Sherlock: Um, right. I should probably get going.
  • John: No! *more softly* Please, don't.
  • Sherlock: I'm wanted at Uni. I'm already late as it is.
  • John: Uni?
  • Sherlock: Yes, I was suppose to take some exam. Though I quite frankly don't see the point of it. They're just simple, dull, to-the-point questions; I could do them in my sleep.
  • John: You don't go to Uni.
  • Sherlock: Of course I do. I know I haven't been for the last four days but-
  • John: You haven't been for the last couple YEARS.
  • Sherlock: *chuckling* I think you've had enough to drink, don't you? I suggest you go back home-here I'll pay your taxi.
  • John: I haven't had a single drop.
  • Sherlock: Clearly you have.
  • John: Sherlock, please. Its me. Your friend.
  • Sherlock: Okay, I'm going to call that taxi for you.
  • John: No, listen to me. Your name is William Sherlock Scott Holmes. You're a consulting detective, a job you invented for yourself. You haven't been to Uni in years. You live at 221B Baker St with me, John Watson, your flatmate and best friend. We solve crimes together. I blog about it.
  • Sherlock: *chuckles* Thats absurd.
  • Sherlock: Wait. You know my name. How, how do you know my name? I've never mentioned that to anyone.
  • John: *sad smile* Because you told me.
  • Sherlock: Thats impossible. I don't even know you.
  • John: Let me help you, Sherlock.
  • Sherlock: No. Stay away from me. *backing away*
  • John: Sherlock, please, don't!
  • Sherlock: Stop! I don't know you! You don't know me! Stop saying my name!
  • John: If I didn't know you, how would I know you had a drug addiction?
  • Sherlock: You could have easily heard that from someone in Uni.
  • John: Or that you like talking to your skull Billy?
  • Sherlock:
  • John: Or how about the fact that you use three nicotine patches when you're trying to think? Hmm? Or that you prefer texting to calling? Or that you have a brother named Mycroft that you despise and he in turn spies on you?
  • Sherlock: Who are you?
  • John: I'm John Watson. 5th Northumberland Fusiliers. Army doctor. Your best friend.
  • Sherlock: How come I don't know you?
  • John: I don't know. But I'm going to find out.
Actual Scene from The Empty Hearse, Transcribed
  • Sherlock: JOHN. OMG. OMG JOHN YOU'RE HERE OMG OMG LET ME GET MY PARENTS OUT OF HERE SO WE CAN TALK AND MAYBE MAKE OUT OR SOMETHING I DON'T KNOW I'M OPEN
  • John: Clients?
  • Sherlock: Just my parents.
  • John: Your parents! But they're so...not extraordinarily brilliant and beautiful and fabulous like you are! They aren't even made of pixie dust and starlight like you, how is that even possible?
  • Sherlock: it's a mystery.
  • John: Did they know too? Was it only me who had to live in the crushing alternate universe where you committed suicide IN FRONT OF MY FACE AND BROKE MY HEART AND SHATTERED ME SO COMPLETELY THAT I MAY NEVER ENTIRELY HEAL?
  • Sherlock: Uh......yes. Sorry about that.
  • John: MY PAIN IS THE SIZE OF YOUR EGO MAYBE BIGGER AND YOU KNOW THAT'S SAYING SOMETHING
  • Sherlock: I really am sorry. I wish there were more words for sorry so I could at least stop repeating myself. It's got to be as boring for you as it is for me.
  • John: [big tragic sigh]
  • Sherlock: I see you shaved the moustache off.
  • John: It wasn't working for me. Which, in case you're not following along, is the phrase we use when what we really mean is, YOU DON'T LIKE IT AND YOUR OPINION MATTERS TO ME BECAUSE OF COMPLETELY LEGIT REASONS I WON'T GO INTO RIGHT NOW
  • Sherlock: I'm glad.
  • John: You didn't like it? I mean, you already told me you didn't, but I want to set you up for this next glorious statement.
  • Sherlock: You're so much hotter without it. I prefer my doctors clean shaven.
  • John: That's not a sentence you hear every day.
  • Sherlock: Wait: which of those sentences reveals my crush on you the most? I'll take that one back for the sake of preserving the mystery.
  • John: It's genuinely hard to say.
  • Sherlock: How are you feeling since I braved the flames and pulled you to safety yesterday with my heart on my sleeve for all to see?
  • John: Smoked.
  • Sherlock: You mean HOT. LET'S MAKE OUT NOW OKAY I SAID I WAS SORRY AND YOU REALLY ARE VERY HOT OMG PLEASE WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO TO GET YOU OUT OF THOSE PANTS TODAY