no scratch that i feel like this has always been relevant

dan and phil play my horse prince #3: a summary

two seconds in and already a questionable horse impression okay time to strap in for another weird one 

“i knew you were going to start clopping" 

clopping??? klopping???? clopping looks better so i’m going with that 

"cloppity clop when will we stop…. is the question many of you have been asking” aw they saw my tweets 

dan licked his lips as he looked over to phil SAME 

he is wearing the ladybird jumper so i agree 

remember the ladybird jumper selfie??? let’s take a moment 

okay back to the video 

it was a nice moment of remembrance though right 


“i like a good divisive series" 

"this is our great youtube controversy, phil" 

those people that are uncomfortable, it’s legit the same level of sexual tension dnp have on a regular basis just in the form of a girl and horse like,,, it’s 2017 the hat/cherry/lung/milk/kitten/whatever else fic exists there are more disturbing things out there

they’re validating those of you though, good for you i’m happy for your notices

"it’s not literal bestiality” // “it’s just a lol” “a nice little lol… just a casual lol" 

"i think we should do this one and see how we feel” i mean finally putting that positions book to good use 

there’s not much eye contact so far are they okay 

i think recently we’ve been spoilt with eye contact and now we’re feeling like something’s wrong because they’re not gawking at each other 

“so whether you want to or not, strap yourselves in for ten minutes of erotic equine roleplay”

phil demonstrating that sweet sweet hand porn 

“i don’t think we should’ve encouraged you with the fanart” story of your life innit lads 

congrats to those phanartists that got noticed!! you’re very talented and i appreciate you!!! 

i appreciate the last one which highlights the shaved sides i liked that a lot ty

“the less we talk about that the better” legit the phandom about 2012 

dan’s reaction to the fanart,,, get those screenshots 

“keep it coming…. or don’t, it’s up to you” phil pls you’re making it too easy for me 

“do you need to do that though?” // “i do, it’s a thing now” living for the little domestic i feel deprived 

“dog. dog has a moustache." 

"phil that makes no sense” as if u never make any mistakes howell phil’s waiting to call you out like the absolute savage that he is 

remember the thomas the tank engine fuck-up, phil was right on that 

phil’s laugh my ears are blessed 

they have two very different reactions to a horse making breakfast 

i found another of dan’s kinks who’s keeping tabs on them all we’ve got another to add to the list 

“what’s a good… lad? one that makes breakfast, the morning after” is that a subtle wink wink nudge nudge, daniel 

“i’m hyped. this, this is, this is a soap.” dan is so excited he’s tripping on his words 

he’s staring at phil okay world order has been restored 

“you know you love it, stop lying to yourself” // “you love it. just thumbs it up anyway, if you don’t like it" 

i love the detailed hair angles we get when they both look down on the screen i appreciate it a lot 

do you think phil will ever ditch the straighteners 

"that’s really posh” phil the savage already getting his revenge

congrats hp stans for phil dropping that reference 

did they just compare all of our mums to a horse 

“anyone that exudes glitter and makes sure that you’re resting on the weekend… that’s who you need in your life" 

"maybe susankun’s on the crunchy nut like us” i bet you both are 

maybe see a doctor about that 

i’m not sorry 

“am i the dog? i think i’m the dog” phil says after barking and effectively claiming the role of the dog 

“you just frickin volunteered” dan the savage 

“that was some good borks” so any excuse to compliment phil huh

“what is this video” me every time i read these summaries before posting them, i relate phil 

“some good pottery" 

"unless this is a magnetic knife, how is the horse holding it? with that horse thumb he’s just gonna grow?" 

dan demonstrates the claw technique 

look at that hand movement fluidity this ain’t his first rodeo 

dan… are u ok…. you’ve just been in this position for four seconds… 

turned into seven seconds, the longest seven seconds of my life…. is it one of the new 7sc they tweeted out for

“can i stroke him?” // “i’ll give him a stroke”

lanky emo lads fawn over hairbrush functions

that sounded like a weird porn didn’t it oh god no

“look at this roleplay, we nintendogs now”

“oh yeah, feel my brush” 

dan gives that side-eye, he doesn’t like phil saying that to anyone else

the singing quota for this video has been filled

thought they were going to give us a sweet harmony for don’t speak and do no doubt proud but nope dan decides to parody it

this is not the harmony i wanted stop singing a weird cult theme or whatever the fuck it is

leek or spring onion will we ever know

phil is intent on killing simulations recently is he ok

“sorry guys” dan is on hand to comfort us

may need to rethink some comfort fic prompts i have

“is it okay? is anything about this okay?” if the existential crisis branding was still relevant he’d be on the floor rn

“shall we have a chat? a little horsey chinwag?” yes phil come back to your northern roots i’ve missed you

“a really long-faced chinwag” you tried dan but you will always be a southerner you can’t pull off chinwag

“is a carrot a fruit?” mister university asking the real question

is dan actually googling it

“AHA it was to catch us out for being an idiot!” i mean, you googled it so…. aren’t you still an idiot

phil is an orange kinda guy, dan is a grapefruit kinda guy…… explains a lot if you think about it

“he hates me again!” // “i can’t believe he hates me again, straight away…” pretty sure i’ve read that exact line of dialogue in a fic before

“what can i say? i’m more in tune with my inner…. horse… man”

casual head scratch as he silently prays for nobody to pick up on that quote

“deep fry anything, and that’s a winner”

“the choices hurt me so bad”

trying to justify this game just falls flat

no amount of meaningful speeches are rectifying it dan

but it’s not stopping him trying

oh he’s stopped now

“i think we should get our things back”

“this is our life” enjoy u demons

“great. i love my life” phil i just don’t even know what to say stop looking like you’re showing a lemon a good time 

take out the lemon and stare at your wavy haired companion

if i used that line in a fic would you disown me

what kind of accent did dan just try to say field in because he sounded like me

“a horse can’t go on rollercoasters is what i’m thinking” // “can a horse go to the cinema?” “no, he’s going to get in the way of everyone’s screen” wow dan and phil, damperers of horse dreams since their corresponding years of birth

“yes, dan’s credit card is about to spend more money on this horse app” of course it’s dan that volunteers his card, phil would never 

he’s the voice of emo goose he only spends money on luxury apps

mister moneybags high brands stan has no problem forking it out tho good for you son get some

“i am this entire developer’s number one supporter” me when dapg was announced

the frenzy time music is something special

“phil you’re doing the impossible quiz again and that is like ten out of ten banned” younger kirsten is crying

phil’s real laugh comes out to play again welcome back old friend i love you

“is she falling in love with the dog? is that what we’re asking?”

phil’s voice is like monotone throughout all of these videos he couldn’t give less of a shit

he’s just humouring dan’s kink(s)

dan stop criticising phil’s horse voice you can’t have it all for yourself all of the time we need as much of it as you do

“i am ready for this” me whenever they upload on a day that’s not the same day i’m posting a fic

there are very different theories about the multitude of onions

again phil’s includes death

i’m beginning to expect it

“oh he’s gone a bit sassy”

“passive aggressive…. okay” dan we feel the same way when we found out phil’s sent a dm

“i feel it coming…. i feel it coming… are you ready? am i ready?”

“that’s just dreamy. i’m in love with that” // “that is dreamy. i’d like that as a poster in my bathroom” 

“that is the thickest spring onion i have ever seen in my entire life” // “it’d take a lot of gnashing” phil demonstrates said gnashing thank you for showing those teggies

“look at the girth on that one” you know what you did dan don’t blame us when the fics come rolling in

the onion fic

“how do you not love this? people, i mean come on, this is better than the current season of the walking dead”

uncomfortable fidgeting as dan realises he’s pissed off hundreds of thousands of people

staring at phil again yes i’m living

“this is better than the wire” phil doesn’t want to leave dan all alone in the opinion firing line

“it’s turning into that cake outtake from tatinof” HOW DARE YOU.

feeling less guilty having watched it now u fuckers

“it’s literally the cake situation”

seriously i’m going to watch it again just to spite you both

“imagine a horse pushing you against a wall and force-feeding you spring onions” dan i love you but i’m going to have to reject this prompt

the game turns sinister and they both look the most excited they’ve looked for the entire video

“this is fulfilling every kink that our audience might have” in which dan tries to push his weird kinks onto us out of fear phil will judge him

“is the next one set in the afterlife?”

“i feel like i went to a place i didn’t think i was going to”

“so real talk, let’s get real” phil i like that you’re trying to get close to the camera but you’re still too far away it’s not doing what you think it’s doing

“if you don’t want us to do this ever again…” “what’s wrong with you” honestly dan same

they’re literally encouraging thumbs down??? how long have they been in the youtube game???

“tell us your opinions down there” oh dear god they’re encouraging the fanfiction

“if you want the horse, we want to give you the horse. you know what we’re saying?” 

it’s hard to quote when they’re both talking at the same time BE POLITE AND LET EACH OTHER SPEAK 

“this is a two way relationship…” why did phil’s smile grow when dan said that

“slice our subscribe button like a spring onion” // “please don’t stab your laptop and/or mobile device” // “trot over to our other channels”

danisnotchoking (but he wants to be)



Pairing: Jared x Reader

Word Count: 5.6k (haha whoops)

Warnings: Ridiculous amount of cussing (usual in my writings), OC’s, minor humour, size!kink, hip!kink, nail scratching, hair!kink, dirty talk, sweet, sweet passionate smut.

Summary: You win a competition to film on the set of Supernatural and meet your idols. During your first day on set, you notice not only that Jared Padalecki has been eyeing you, but discover the fandom’s biggest headcanon on him in the bedroom is true.

A/N: This is entirely written in first person BUT it is still technically a reader insert, just a different format. For the purpose of this fic, Jared is single. Obviously no hate on Gen, it is fiction for entertainment purposes only. This was written and posted within hours, so all grammatical and spelling errors are my own. I apologise if there is a slight switch between tense, I was tired and in a rush to get all my thoughts on screen and posted that I wasn’t too stressed. It’s fanfiction, it doesn’t have to be perfect. Anyway, please enjoy. Feedback is appreciated.

Originally posted by carryon--my--wayward--butt

Beep beep beep beep beep.

“For fuck sakes,” I groaned, slamming my forefinger on the ‘stop’ on my phone to silence the alarm. I closed my eyes for a few more seconds, already knowing my phone was about to buzz yet again with a second alarm. My sensible self knows how much I like to sleep in. My sleepy self wants to fucking punch my sensible self for being so… sensible.

After silencing the second alarm, I stretched and rubbed my eyes, already reaching back for my phone to browse my social media like I do every fucking morning because I like to ignore my daily responsibilities and shove my eyeballs onto a screen to pretend like my life is interesting.

I go through all of my notifications, none of them worth really looking at, and begin to scroll down my Facebook page. I stop suddenly when I see Jared Padalecki’s latest post, my eyes catching the photo of Jensen, Misha and himself holding up a sign that read ‘WE WANT YOU!’

Keep reading

Stupid Cold (Dean X Reader)


Relationship : Dean Winchester X Reader

Warnings : demons, spanking,consensual sex , death,mentions of violence, graphic scenes.

Rating : Mature + (Please do not read if you are under-aged)

Summary : You’re a hunter, living with the boys in the bunker for some time now. Although you started as friends, soon enough friends with benefits, you and Dean finally decided to admit your feelings and became an item. The feeling is strong so you both get scared and react in different manners : you became overly attached and Dean feels suffocated. It should be one of your typical days but Dean has a cold , feels bad and snaps.
Lots of fluff and some makeup sex. Enjoy

CopyRight: I do not own Dean Winchester, Supernatural nor any of the other characters mentioned in this story.  No copyright infringement is intended .

Originally posted by littlehobbit13

Life hasn’t been that kind to you. A hunter your whole life and not by choice. Your parents were killed by an avenging spirit when you were only six. You don’t recall that day entirely, and nothing much from before actually… what you do remember is the wrinkled old man who got you out of the closet where you were hiding and said: ‘It’s alright kid, I’m here now’.

 He soon became your family and hunting with him your way of living. 

Losing him to werewolves broke your heart but you moved on burning his remains and drowning your sorrow in whiskey, at his favorite bar. If there’s one thing that he taught you besides being a skilled killer, that is to be strong and cold. 

Keep reading


Sherlock was staring at him as though he was an idiot, and John wanted to scream.

It was too much. It was all too much. John could feel the tight ball in his chest tensing even more, to the point of it being painful. With each word he said, he could feel himself inching closer and closer to an explosion.

“She’s out there, she likes you, and she’s alive.” He was shaking. When did he start shaking? “Do you have the first idea how lucky you are?”

He wasn’t even upset to learn that Sherlock had deceived him into thinking Irene – the Woman – was dead. At this point, it was just another disappointment, another tiny, piercing lie to add to the pile of other piercing lies that had accumulated over the years. Lies told by Sherlock, by Mary. By John himself.

But he was upset that Sherlock was wasting the very opportunity John so desperately wanted. Although upset didn’t seem like the right word. Angry. Angry was good.

Furious was better.

Keep reading

Writing theory in relation to the Check Please fandom

in regard of posts I’ve seen circulating lately, I just want to give some depths to the discussion around characters most used in fanfics. Bear in mind that this is not a way to take a stance in the debate, but merely a tool for people who think about the issue. 

The question at hand it: Is the CP fandom racist because it prioritises white characters over characters of color?

First, I want to redirect you to a post on Writing Theory and the different tiers of existing characters.  If you’re lazy, it’s okay, overall it says that characters come in tiers of importance to the story, and tier 1 gets all the characteristics, tier 2 gets 2, tier 3 gets 1, etc.

If we analyse Check Please characters, you have

The Main Character, which is Bitty. The story revolves around him, his coming of age, his doubts and fears and love, etc. His characteristics are: sweet, likes to bake, vlogs, used to be a figure skater, plays hockey, fears checking, etc.

The secondary character is Jack. Some plot points revolve after him, since he’s the antagonist in year 1, and the love interest in years 2 and 3. Jack is focused on hockey to the point of anxiety, and soft when he has control of said anxiety. Notice that he already has less depth than Bitty. Not because he’s a less rounded character, but because the story is not built around him. His life affects Bitty, that’s why we know about it.

The rest are, at the very least, third tier characters, they get 1 characteristic each, and will never divert from that description. Holster is a loud bro, Ransom is a smart bro, Lardo is an art bro, and when you get further away, the rest have less and less leeway in their personalities. Dex is grumpy, Nursey tries to be chill, Chowder is excitable. Then we almost know nothing of Tango and Whiskey, because they just need to fill spots, like Johnshon the metaphysical goalie needed to fill a spot before Chowder could get there. Notice I didn’t mention Shitty because I’m on the fence between putting him in second or third tier. His story arc doesn’t affect Bitty, I should place him on third tier, but he’s more nuanced than the others.

(loads more under the cut)

Keep reading


Sasusaku is a fraud

 or how sasuke has been manipulated into SS.

I’m gonna analyze it through two POV: Kishimoto’s and canonverse’s.


let’s say he was genuine about it.

1) He admitted in one of his interviews that he even wanted to write a love triangle (that’s just… wow) but ACCORDING to his own words, it wasn’t possible because a) this is a Shonen, and b) he had to prioritize. So, if you say romance was equally important here, you’re deluding yourself. He was focused on everything appealing to boys, i.e. just friendships, popularity contexts and fights. So, it’s only normal, that no romance would have deep development.

In this case, some positive and ROMANTIC-looking moments -no matter how few they are- are enough for romance in this genre. Yet SS doesn’t enjoy from such privilege: part I, team 7 is like family to him (canon), so Sakura is like a sister. He thus protects her as one. Part II -call it ‘he’s in darkness’, or ‘fake Sasuke’- but there’s nothing left of this relationship. The worse is SS went from sibling relationship, to nothing, to romance with a guy that never showed interest in such trivial things as being “attracted to girl or romance”, despite him knowing it actually existed.

2) Kishimoto had only cared about Naruto, his MC, tailoring the rest of the series around him. It’s so bad that every fodder character, every guy from the “main cast” and every evil has surrendered their soul to him. So, once he’s given Naruto his fucking acknowledgement, nothing else mattered for the author.

Sasuke who should have been seen getting over UCM, mending, finding his ways, healing or anything catering to his mental abuse and this abominating genocide has never happened. Why? Because Kishimoto never cared. It wasn’t in his plan.

How can a real Sasuke fan be satisfied with that?

The fact that romance wasn’t even relevant to Kishimoto, and that he didn’t cared about his own creation, he just took the nearest short-cut possible, since ‘Sasuke’s chapter’ was closed to him the moment Naruto beat him.

Since then, he manipulated everything to suit their –SP & Cie’s agenda -Boruto-

Basic reading comprehension.


First, proofs that sasuke is broken and damage i.e. in a state he can be manipulated and driven to do something he doesn’t much care about in the first place.

He’s a ghost of himself

You see there? Sasuke ceased to exist at that very moment. How any decision he made after this can is something genuine? He just surrendered his soul to the world. He keeps living for other people, putting their wishes first, since he doesn’t have any drive himself.

This fragile sasuke can easily end with sakura not because it’s something he has always wanted but, he’s not himself anymore.

Here, he shows us that he’s always been inferior to Naruto and Itachi. Here, you witness a broken man who doesn’t have any more self-love or self-esteem. He’s lost. How is he that Sasuke who made choices because he felt it necessary or what he wanted?

Also, very important, is his dynamic with Itachi. Sorry Itachi fans but he accepted to side against his own family. He betrayed his family, so how Sasuke who is pro-Uchiha forgave a pro-Konoha! Itachi was the last link to the family he ever loved.

Obviously, Sasuke became someone who can be manipulated and everyone who can substitute to his family/Itachi can manipulate him just as well. So, no silly things as “Sasuke can’t be manipulated or driven to do something that doesn’t go with his normal way of being”. He hasn’t even a mind for himself anymore, lol. He deemed necessary to become another Naruto/Itachi.

Because team 7 became that substitute, team 7 can have a huge impact on his mental, and that include Sakura with all that pushing her obsession on him until he breaks. That’s his reality now.

When Sakura confesses, he thinks back again to his family.

For Sasuke, nothing was as much important as his family. He even admitted that he had craved for love, and how he sought for a substitute in Naruto.

That’s back when his old family was more important than anything. After Naruto wins, he breaks down his final wall. What kept team 7 from replacing the Uchiha family, has been vanquished by that final fight. Now Team 7 is not only his sole “decent” connection but his only family.

Like he drank Itachi’s words, he’s bound to drink Team 7 words too.

By the way, why Sasuke felt like helping to save the world but then pull that bullshit? Another bullshit to end this too-long Shonen for Kishimoto.

That he had always loved his family, that team 7 took this place now, that he feels that what he fought for or thought is inferior to Itachi’s and now Naruto’s moral and that Naruto beat him until he had surrendered shows that he shifted his emotions from his old family to team 7.

Now he thinks he’s the worse person to ever walk on this earth when he actually acted like any other ninja. That lets it read that Itachi and now team 7 are always right and he’s wrong to think otherwise. Because he puts himself under those people he thinks are saints moral-wise, he surrendered to their wishes.

He’s like a wound left open now. Every bacterium that ever existed can contaminate him. Yahoo!!

What happened after the big fight and team 7 reunited?

-Kakashi just keeps reading his porn in a shady place.

-Naruto gave up on him.

-Sakura kept confessing until he said yes.

-He has no one but team 7. This team 7 is what is left for someone who put connections above else, and once craved for love.

-All that is important in Naruto is to be pretty, cool and have super power-ups and whatnot. Also get married. You know, ticking everything on the usual bucket-everyday-lists without actually giving it second-thoughts. What? Friendships? Forget about it! Let’s just scratch it a bit and forget about it later on.

So, Sasuke pleases them now, and there’s no one out there to put him first or at least help with his mental health or scars. I mean, now that he isn’t against the Shinobi system why cares about him? Just know something: the moment you get married, whatever pain or mental scars you have will vanish without actually caters to it. (Sarcasm again)



-The OOC of both to make SS:

Sakura went:

From this:

and this

note her promise

(Makes this face):

to this:

like this:

and that:

a) Sakura reverts back to her 12 self around Sasuke. Crying and repeating confessions. b) Her natural confidence that could have helped Sasuke is none existent. Now she acts like a doormat. Please go watch canon written by Kishi –she’s got little to no backbone when Sasuke is concerned. As long as Sasuke answered positively to her confession she’s okay with everything. c) Sakura who is a cheerful young lady tone down her personality to match Sasuke’s moody one.

Meanwhile, she never writes letters to Sasuke or even tells him to visit to see his daughter, but she wears gladly his Uchiha crest. See how SSS in gaiden is another guilt-trip session for Sasuke. He wanted a family and now it became a source of stress. Everyone, from Sasuke to Sakura, going through salad, everyone was apologizing.  Sweet love!

I like Sakura (she’s evolved emotionally and physically), and I love Sasuke but together? I wanna choke a teddy-bear.

-Sorry but Sasuke has NEVER showed romantic interests or whatsoever in anyone. Instead of ending like Jiraya or Orochimaru, aka with no burdens like raising child but travelling freely, he’s got now a child? What happened? How? Sakura raped him or something? Did he ask her? Had they actually had sex? That’s insane.

-In real fucking life, when a boy doesn’t show interest for any girl, he’s gay or aromantic.  Don’t even start with culture. Naruto showed interest. Jiraya did. Rock lee did. Heck, shojo and shounen ai come from japan.


-yeah SS is canon lol. So? If I could fucking take it seriously though, it’s empty, boring and with no real sparks or frictions. Nothing at stakes or anything one could write books about except their aesthetic. Just headcanons like Sakura opening Sasuke’s heart to life -when it’s Naruto-, Sasuke looking like a love interest from a shojo or SNS rip-offs…

They don’t match the canon, neither their respective in character persona.

So, only stupid people can get butt-hurt over the fact that not everyone wants to ship it or find it logical. You like it, ship it elsewhere instead of looking for trouble with antis or other shippers.

To summarize my point is:

-SS indeed happens because Sakura drives him -along team 7- to response to her feelings, not because he was “in love”. (It’s not the same old independent Sasuke). There’s nothing remotely special or admirable about it.

-Sasuke’s last relationships aren’t what could have helped him. Look at him; he’s still vagabonding. Even Naruto ‘let him down’. You think that it’s not Naruto’s job? Then their bond is cheap. You think otherwise? Then let’s admit together that Kishi mostly ruined it all.


I don’t care if you ship SS but how Kishimoto handled it and some extreme fans of his had me angry as hell. 

I can’t believe I’m still receiving “kill yourself delulu fugly”, “kill yourself” and the likes because I ship a crack-ship, like wut?? Please come down your high horse, lol. You ain’t nothing special, neither is your ship.

The Outcast and The Exiled: Chapter 35

Brought to you by Gay Idols & Co. and co-written by sei-tan48 and @tyrant-king-toru

This and no other is the root from which a tyrant springs; when he first appears he is a protector. -Plato

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

HC: pastel!dan and punk!phil. Dan wears booty shorts and has a gf but he doesn't really know if he likes her and phil likes Dan and they fuck in the toilet

quick note just to say that Dan is 19 and Phil is 21, they’re in university and I needed to shrink the age gap a bit~ very very slight degradation and also praise kink~

THIS GOT SO LONG I’M SO SORRY this is probably totally not what you were thinking when you asked for this lol

* Dan walked down the hall holding hands with Christina, but it felt more like habit rather than something he wanted to do. It wasn’t anything about her as a person; she was lovely, very sweet and kind and considerate, but he just… didn’t know.

* He supposed they might be an interesting sight to strangers, the two of them together with their matching flower crowns. Dan was wearing black booty shorts and an oversized pastel blue jumper that draped off of one shoulder while Christina wore a white tennis skirt and a baby pink crop top. The two of them often joked that they were like two candy hearts in a bowl filled mostly with Skittles (but of course, they knew that they weren’t the only ones who dressed like that.)

* Dan made eye contact with one of the other students; his light eyes contrasted intensely with the vibrant tattoos on his arms that were shown off by the black t-shirt with rolled up sleeves that he was wearing. He smiled at Dan, warm and friendly, and Dan smiled back at him. Phil wasn’t quite a friend of Dan’s, but that was only a product of environment and circumstance, so they were amiable to each other when they crossed paths.

* Dan kissed Christina lightly on the lips before they parted to go to their separate classes. “See you later, babe.” He smiled at her as she waved before walking into her classroom.

* Dan sighed as he turned away, wondering what he should do. Christina didn’t deserve to date someone who wasn’t sure what they wanted or how they felt about her. But is breaking up the right thing to do? What if it’s just a temporary lapse in affection, or cold feet, or something? Is that how relationships work? They’d been dating for 7 months, but Dan wasn’t sure that he felt “the spark” or anything to tell him that this was a relationship worth pursuing. I feel bad; Christina is really nice and I love being around her, but it kind of feels more like I just love her as a friend? Do people get into relationships and fall in love later? How do they know when it’s a relationship worth pursuing?

* Dan bit his lip as he ambled to class, worrying it between his teeth as he went. It was one of his more interesting classes, so once the professor came in, he tried to focus on the lecture instead of his relationship woes.

* “Hello everyone, today we’re going to discuss Love as Theatre. I trust that you’ve all done the reading, as we’ll get right into it. As another quick disclaimer, this reading was not trying to convince all of you young people that love doesn’t exist; rather, we are just trying to examine and identify the meaning of romantic love, attitudes towards love, what it means to express your love, and what kind of love that is. Anyway, de Sousa stresses that ‘…love is the acute consciousness of the impossibility of possession‘…”

* Dan snorted quietly at the irony, opening up a blank document to type notes. This course was an elective, so he didn’t have to take it, but he figured that the philosophy of emotions would be interesting. He didn’t quite expect it to cause him to question everything he’s ever felt and everything he’s ever done because of those feelings, but then again he supposed he should have realized, considering that it’s philosophy.

* “…we expect that every lover we find will create a whole new experience for us. In essence, we expect that we are ‘made new’ for every new lover. De Sousa argues that this is not the case; instead, we develop emotional patterns at a very young age, so while we hope that every new person causes a renewal, it’s really more likely just a re-enactment.”

* Am I about to have an existential crisis in the middle of this lecture? Dan thought to himself.

* “…‘If the conscious simulation of love bolstered by the power of sex, is a valuable form of theater, why should some people not make a profession of it? Unless we condemn theater in all its forms, there can’t be anything wrong with the mere fact that we are being invited to experience emotions that don’t correspond to anything that is immediately real.’” Dan made a reference in his notes to the section that the professor was quoting. He started thinking again about the situation, applying the lecture content to his relationship. Okay, so this guy is talking about prostitution and how romantic love is problematic… We never did much sexually, so that doesn’t apply here even if I generalize the themes… Am I only going through the motions of what I think romantic love should be? I don’t know if I actually feel anything romantic? Could I see myself having a very similar relationship with someone else, with this lack of passion? I guess if I’m wondering about it, then I must not actually have feelings for her?

* Dan sighed quietly as the professor continued on. Even if I do stay with Christina, will I just wonder like this the whole time? What if we end up staying together for all our lives, and I’m just always wondering if I should’ve done something different? Fuck, I don’t want to risk that… I guess it’s better to end it now than keep it going on like this… Fuck.

* Dan leaned back in his chair, staring up at the ceiling as if it would give him strength. There was about an hour left of his lecture and now he was stressing about breaking up with Christina. I owe it to the both of us to not let it drag on any longer.

* He took a deep breath as he packed up his things at the end of class, trying to prepare himself. It feels really sudden. I’m scared, especially since I just saw her before this.

* “Hey, can we talk after this?” He texted Christina, knowing it was cowardly but he didn’t want to have to see her face fall when he said it out loud to her. “Yeah, sure :),” came the reply.

* Dan’s heart was pounding when he saw her. She looked beautiful, and he was about to break her heart probably. She smiled at him. “What’s up?” She asked.

* “Can we go somewhere more private?” He asked faintly, looking down and away. “Sure,” she said, leading the way to a stairwell.

* He looked up at her, not really sure how to begin but knowing he couldn’t back out of this now. “I… don’t think this is working for me, I’m really sorry.” He didn’t really want to look up at her, but he still cared about her, so he forced himself to. He was stunned by her kind smile, and she grabbed his hands, but he didn’t feel like it was in a romantic or pleading way.

* “Dan, it’s okay, I understand,” she said. “I’ve been thinking the same; we fit together really well” – she paused to giggle and gesture at their outfits – “but I don’t think it’s romantic. I think we were both trying to prove something to ourselves, and I think we both realized what the truth is. I don’t mind that we’re breaking up, I think we really are better off as friends. Don’t be a stranger, okay? Nothing has to change between us except that we’re not in a relationship anymore. ” She kissed him on the cheek. “You’re braver than you think.”

* She turned to walk away, but she turned back again to say, “Don’t think too much about things; do what feels right. I think we both should start doing that.” She smiled again and Dan smiled back, feeling like nothing had really changed. It was strange; it was nothing at all like how the books or movies usually made breakups seem, but Dan supposed he’s better off not looking a gift horse in the mouth.

* “Uh, hi Dan.” Dan spun around to see Phil standing at the top of the stairwell, scratching the back of his head awkwardly. “So… Not the worst breakup ever, hey?”

* “…Were you there the whole time?” Dan asked, feeling his cheeks burn as he toyed with the top of one of his thigh high socks. “Please tell me you weren’t.”

* “No, I just came in at the very end, but I got the idea… Sorry that happened.”

* “It’s okay, I’m technically the one who did the breaking up… Although I feel kind of like it was the other way around, because I didn’t say much and she knew anyway…?”

* “Ah, yeah I’ve been there.” Phil shrugged easily. “It just didn’t work between us, though, no special revelations there.”

* Dan looked at him questioningly. “Special relevations?”

* Phil’s eyes widened. “Oh my God, I think I just assumed something I shouldn’t have. From what I heard her saying, it just sounded like… Wow, that’s really embarrassing and quite frankly kind of intolerant of me, I’m so sorry.”

* Dan looked at him with his head slightly tilted and eyes narrowed, trying to parse what he meant. “You… think we were coming out as gay to each other?”

* “…Yeah…” Phil blushed but also looked somewhat upset. “I’m really sorry, I shouldn’t have assumed something like that –”

* “We’re both bi and we knew that about each other already,” Dan corrected him with a smile. “Don’t worry about it.”

* Dan saw Phil’s eyes widen again briefly and a faint blush cross his cheeks, but he wasn’t sure what it meant.

* “So… Have you been with a guy before?” Phil tried to ask casually after a pause, but he started blushing harder.

* Dan squinted at him. “Are you trying to asking about my sexual history or are you trying to come on to me?”

* Phil stepped back and covered his face, mumbling through his hands: “Oh my God. This is so embarrassing.” He peeked through his fingers to see Dan’s eyes steadily looking at him, and he covered his eyes again. “I’ve had a crush on you since we first met in that first year class but I wasn’t sure if you were into guys and then you got together with her so I didn’t want to do anything and now I’m finding out you’re bi like me and –”

* “Well, I’m single and ready to mingle,” Dan joked even as he blushed at Phil’s confession. “I haven’t done anything with a guy for a few years, though.”

* Phil straightened his shoulders and let his hands fall from his face, but his cheeks were still red. “Would you like to fix that?” He said, his voice containing the slightest tremor.

* Dan looked at him in surprise, not really expecting that Phil would propose that right away. He had sort of assumed Phil would be the “take you on a lovely first date and then maybe by the third date have gentle sex” kind of guy. “Like, right now?” He asked, fussing with his fringe.

* “I mean, if you’re free.” Phil rocked back on his heels. He seemed like he couldn’t believe that this was actually happening.

* Dan thought of Christina’s words: “You’re braver than you think… Don’t think too much about things; do what feels right.” He wasn’t sure if this is exactly what Christina meant, but Dan briefly weighed his options. I could have sex with Phil, or I could not have sex with Phil. I don’t really mind, because he’s attractive and he’s kind. Maybe this could become more, even if it’s an unorthodox beginning? Not that that really means anything, considering I just had an unorthodox breakup. I guess ‘your mileage may vary’ is pretty accurate.

* Dan looked back at Phil, who was starting to look increasingly nervous. He smiled and nodded. “Sure, why not.” He winked at Phil. “No trouble on my end,” he said, making a show of looking Phil up and down.

* Phil grinned and Dan swore he saw his pupils dilate, but he didn’t have time to make sure because Phil stepped forward and grabbed his hand, and pulled him, walking fast, into one of the nearby washrooms. Phil pressed him against the closed door of the stall and whispered, “Is it okay if I kiss you?”

* Dan almost melted at the husky tone of his voice, and took the initiative to kiss Phil first. Phil is such a sweetheart, I never really considered how he’d be in this kind of situation. It’s really, really hot.

* Phil intensified the kiss, pressing his tongue into Dan’s mouth. His other hand dropped lower and cupped Dan’s ass.

* He broke the kiss to whisper, “Your ass looks so good in those tiny shorts, but I bet it looks even better without anything on.” He squeezed, and Dan let out a small gasp, his head tilting back.

* Phil saw his opportunity to kiss Dan’s neck, and if he was surprised at the loud moan Dan made at the contact, he didn’t show it. He kissed and licked at Dan’s neck before pulling down the neckline of Dan’s jumper to bite and suck at his collarbone. Dan’s hips jerked forward and Dan bit his lip, trying not to moan so loud since they were in a public space. “Fuck,” he whispered breathily.

* “Your noises are so pretty,” Phil murmured. “No one comes to this part of the building very often; let me hear you. I’ve always thought about how you would look under me. You’re so full of life and you’re so loud when you speak, I wonder if that translates to how you are in the bedroom.” His warm breath ghosted across Dan’s skin and he shuddered.

* “I want you to fuck me,” Dan moaned, his arousal running high from Phil’s attention to his neck. “Right now, please, oh my God.” Somehow, Dan didn’t feel as hesitant having sex with Phil as he had been with Christina.

* “I’ll take care of you,” Phil promised, nipping more at his neck before breaking away to rummage through his bag on the floor. He came up with a travel-sized bottle of lube and a condom.

* Dan, adjusting his erection so it wasn’t pressing so hard against his tight shorts, raised an eyebrow at Phil’s preparedness. “You keep that in your bag all the time?”

* Phil shrugged with a smirk. “Doesn’t hurt to be prepared.” His smirk morphed into a cheeky grin when Dan groaned at the double entendre.

* “Just get on with it already.” Dan rolled his eyes exasperatedly.

* “How do you want to do this?” Phil asked, covering his fingers liberally with the lube. “Do I need to stretch you first?”

* “Yeah, I’ll just bend like this I guess?” Dan faced the toilet and bent over to rest his hands on the toilet tank lid.

* “You have such a pretty bum,” Phil mused, admiring the sight. “I can’t wait to see how it looks with my cock inside it.”

* Dan whimpered at Phil’s blunt words, and palmed at his cock briefly before pulling only his shorts down. He turned to look over his shoulder at Phil and wiggled his bum seductively.

* “Fuck, do you normally wear panties?” Phil groaned at the delicate lavender cloth stretching across Dan’s butt before spanking him.

* Dan jerked forward with a gasp. “Depends on my outfit, but right now I’d really like to not be wearing them.”

* “Who am I to deny a request from such a pretty boy?” Phil slid the fabric down and reached around to gently pump Dan’s cock. He moaned at the stimulation and bent more to push his butt towards Phil. Phil continued to stroke Dan as he slowly put one finger into Dan. It took a little manuevering, but he took a step to one side so he could access the side of Dan’s neck. He licked one long stripe up before nibbling on Dan’s earlobe. Dan gasped and fucked himself back on Phil’s finger, moaning, “More!”

* Phil slipped in another finger, scissoring them as he rubbed the tip of Dan’s cock. When he thought Dan could take it, he slipped in a third.

* Dan almost wailed when Phil touched his prostate, gripping the toilet so hard his knuckles went white.

* “Are you ready for me, babe?” Phil asked, the pet name slipping out.

* “Yes, please, fuck me, touch me there again,” Dan moaned.

* Phil tried to unbutton his jeans with one hand, but he quickly realized that his haste and his natural clumsiness combined made that impossible. He eased his fingers out and it felt like he was punched in the chest when Dan made a sound of complaint at the emptiness. He swiftly undid his jeans and stroked his cock a little to make sure it was fully hard, before ripping open the condom and putting it on.

* Phil put the tip in first, and he felt Dan clench around him, so he started stroking Dan’s cock again to get him to relax. “Relax for me, that’s it,” Phil coaxed. “You’re doing so good for me, you’re better than I’d imagined.”

* He finally bottomed out and then he firmly gripped Dan’s hips. He thrusted slow once, just to make sure Dan was okay, and when Dan thrusted back to meet him he picked up the pace.

* Dan was panting out little moans in time with Phil’s thrusts, and Phil saw one hand leave the tank lid to stroke himself.

* “Fuck, Phil, yes, right there,” Dan moaned as Phil shifted angles slightly. “Don’t stop, fuck!”

* “Clench around me, babe, let me feel you,” Phil said, and the added pressure felt so good.

* “You’re so tight for me, it’s like you were made for my cock.” Phil’s mouth ran as he got closer to his release. “You’re so beautiful, you look so perfect like this.”

* Dan whined, pumping himself faster and harder as Phil continued to hit his prostate.

* It was hard to tell who came first, because everything happened so quickly. Dan’s cum shot into the toilet and partly over the seat and he felt Phil’s weight lean a little heavier on him as the grip on his hips tightened, and they both heard the door to the washroom slam open.

* “Wait, what do you mean?” was all they heard from someone before the door slammed shut again. The intense adrenaline burst both from cumming and also the surprise was intense and it was almost all a blur.

* Dan started laughing as Phil pulled out, and he could hear Phil laugh too as he gingerly slipped the now-full condom off of himself. Dan straightened up and pulled his underwear and shorts back up, turning to look at Phil.

* “Well, that was definitely an experience,” Dan said, breathing heavily. He reached up to fix his flower crown.

* Phil’s cheeks were red with exertion. “I hope you wouldn’t be opposed to doing that again.”

* “Of course not, but hopefully next time we’ll do it in a bed?” Dan said. “Maybe after going out for coffee sometime?”

* Phil looked at him, a smile lighting up his face. He stepped forward and pecked Dan on the lips.

* “I know this was a really strange start, but I would definitely like to see where we can take this.” He gestured between the two of them with one hand as he slung his bag over his shoulder with the other. “If you’re still free, maybe we can go for that coffee right now?”

* Dan picked up his own bag. “Are you suggesting round two afterwards? Because I would be down for that.”

* Phil led the way out of the stall, but turned to look at Dan. “Looks like you’re the one suggesting round two.”

* “What can I say, you’ve rubbed off on me.” Dan said with a straight face, and they both laughed.

* “I’ll be sure to rub off on you later tonight, then.” Phil said with a wink, and pinched Dan’s butt. “Let’s go to the place down the street, they have the best muffins…”

this really ran away from me lmao I really didn’t want to write Dan cheating so I wrote in the whole breakup thing.

also check me out, putting my degree to use by throwing in some philosophy. I did actually take a philosophy of emotions class in my second year lol but it was at 9:30am on Mondays and Wednesdays so I have literally no idea what went on in the classes. For this hc I just looked at the syllabus and picked a reading that I thought might suit it, then googled the content and paraphrased it lol. It was a little bit of a stretch but it wasn’t that important anyway lmao.

I should probably just stop pretending that these are hcs and call them actual fics but like eh lol. I might start titling them though.

- Rebecca

Send us your sins

Scared of Pretty Girls and Starting Conversations [Robb Stark x Reader]

Author’s Note: At this point, basically all the titles to my imagines are lyrics that may or may not be relevant to the content of the imagine. I choose them because they sound nice and I’m not stuck thinking of a title for five billion years but that’s kind of it lol. Anyway, who else is pumped for season six of GoT? Gah. Can’t believe it’s that time again. 

Word Count: 1,317

Keep reading

Uneven Heart   Joker x Reader

25. When you love someone, you don’t just stop. Ever. Even when people roll their eyes or call you crazy… even then. Especially then!

66. “Look, I don’t have much time, but I wanted to say I love you.”

50. “I need you to forgive me.”

64. “Talk to me.”

71. “You are the single best thing that has ever happened to me.”

78. “You weren’t supposed to hear that.”

Warnings: Torture, miscarriages, this is pretty dark

The Joker’s hand rests on Y/N’s belly as they sped through Gotham. She smiled at him.

“Ten and two, daddy.” He flashed her a wide grin.

“Can your heart handle this, baby?” He might have been joking, but heart problems did run in her family, and unfortunately she inherited some. She rolled her eyes and rested a hand on his thigh.

“Nothing can handle you.” She jumped as something landed on the roof of the car.

“Ohhh, we’ve got company.” J said it playfully, like it was a good thing.  She gave him a nervous smile.

“Bats! You’re upsetting my girl!” He punches the roof and drives towards the edge of the bridge.

“Um, J.”

Look, I don’t have much time, but I wanted to say I … care about you.”

“Uh, J.”

You are the single best thing that has ever happened to me. Wait, you weren’t suppose to hear that.” He shakes his head slightly. Y/N would have giggled if she wasn’t so nervous.

“J, the baby!” She yelled as they crashed through the railing and she passed out.

1st Month

She awoke at Gotham, and was pleased to know J didn’t get caught. A little part of her was disappointed he left her and their child, and they weren’t exactly getting the best care. She tensed as someone opened her cell.

“Who are you?” Y/N spoke cautiously as a man in a doctor’s coat entered her cell. He ignored her and beckoned guards into the cell. She gave them a confused glance before one of them suddenly punched her in the face. They held her down as she tried to fight, but they managed to get her strapped to a familiar table.

“Wait, you can’t do this. My heart, it’s messed up! Don’t you know?”  She glanced at his name tag. Salone Patel. Dr. Patel ignored her.

“Where is the Joker?” Y/N blinked.

“What are you, the police force? You’re doctors, you’re not suppose to be interrogating me-” She was cut off by a slap to the face. The doctor’s ring scratched her cheek. He punched her again as she glared at him, and she realized he was doing this to control her. She held back tears.

“Please! Please, I’m pregnant!” The doctor didn’t stop preparing the equipment.

“Didn’t you read my file? I have a heart problem. If you won’t stop for me, do it for my baby.” Y/N sobbed as Patel leaned over her.

“Why would we want a little clown running around Gotham?” Y/N’s eyes widened.

“No! Don’t touch me! Please, they didn’t do anything! Help! He-”  Something hard was pressed into her mouth and wrapped around her head.

“Hit her.” Was all she heard before electricity zapped through her.


They tossed her back in her cell and her body just laid on the floor. She was weak from starvation and abuse, so she couldn’t fight back. The guards left with one final kick to the stomach. She sobbed, tearless as she felt blood trickle down her leg.


2nd Month

Y/N dreaded noon. That was when Patel would come get her and make up the most ridiculous excuses to beat her. Most of the times it was the guards who did it, with their steel-toed boots. She never slept, so hallucinations were often. She always imagined one of the guards coming to get her in the middle of the night. Her miscarriage lasted a couple of days and it didn’t stop the guards from harassing her. She mourned her and J’s child and often kept herself awake at night with imagining what it would look like. It would have J’s eyes, with her hair. They would be slightly sane, but with a mean streak. The perfect mix.

After her miscarriage, Patel told her J was dead and went through hell to prove it. Of course, it was just a mind game and she sobbed with relief as she saw him wreaking havoc on the television. There has never been so much crime in Gotham, hospitals were blown up, hotels, banks, banquets, you name it. Y/N didn’t condone J’s actions, but it made her smile nonetheless. People were scared to leave their houses but they were also too scared to stay. Her smile didn’t leave as the guards came for her.

Her arm along with six of her ribs were broke that night.


3rd Month

Y/N devoured the food, but vomited it back up. They only fed her every couple of days, but she couldn’t stop herself.  She looked forward to being taken to the common room to watch the television. To see the destruction her king caused for Gotham taking her. Security was upped at Arkham, so it was difficult to break  or sneak someone in. Her shoulder was sore and she had trouble breathing, but instead of staying in her cell and resting, she choose to walk to the room with the TV. No one questioned her injuries, she was the Joker’s girl. She deserved it. She told herself she didn’t, and fantasised about J. She often carried out conversations with him, which increased the electroshock therapy. It didn’t stop her until Patel ordered the guards to break her fingers. She didn’t see how the punishment was relevant, but what did it matter when she deserved it?

When they brought her back to her cell, she spit out two pieces of her broken molars.


4th Month

Her eye was swollen and her nose was broken. She hated broken bones, so this was possibly the worst thing they could’ve done. That and killing her baby. She finally gave into sleep after three sleepless nights, and didn’t wake up till a couple days later. The swelling went down and her nose was less sore, but there were some injuries that she knew hadn’t been there earlier. Whatever. It didn’t matter, because she deserved it.

A week later she found she could barely stand. She’s not been able to move because of her injuries and exhaustion, but she still tries. Sometimes she does little exercises in the mornings, even if it’s just walking around her cell. But today, like most days, she can’t get up.  She’s thinks she feels the ground shake, but that could just be a hallucination. Her cell opens but she doesn’t have the energy to lift her head.

“Please, I can’t take anymore.” She feels a hand gently rest on her chin and she can’t control her body flinching. Her head is gently turned until she sees two gorgeous blue eyes she’s been craving.

“J?” Her weak body launches herself into his arms. He’s in riot gear and she feels two gloved hands rest on her back.

“Hey, doll.” She feels embarrassed she showed weakness in front of him, but that’s gone as his lips press against her ear.

“Daddy’s got you doll, just hold onto me.” She sobs as she wraps her arms around his neck. Four months. He takes off his helmet and puts it over her head, even though it’s way too big. He frowns as he realizes he can feel her ribs through her shirt. She’s definitely smaller, and he lifts her up with extra care so he doesn’t hurt her.

“Let’s go home.” The tears on his neck break his heart.


She doesn’t let go of him, even in the car. Her body is shaking and when he mentions it she says she doesn’t notice it. He hums to her and it calms her down. When they get home, he brings her into a cozy room with a fireplace and a bearskin rug. J changes into sweatpants, not leaving the room as she takes in her surroundings. She looks dazed, as if she’s in a dream and her mouth is open in awe. The way she looks at the grape soda makes it look like she’s never seen anything like it. Her shaking hands reach out and she cautiously runs her fingers through the rug. She jumps as he sits next to her and hands her a glass.

“A doctor is ready to see you whenever you’re ready, and you can have whatever you want, baby. Are you hungry?”  She giggles, is there a thing such as not being hungry? Her hand goes up to her mouth, just incase he can see her broken teeth. She flinches as his hand grabs hers.

“What have I said about that, doll? No covering that beautiful smile.” He notices she won’t look him in the eye, instead her gaze falls on his shoulders or feet.

“Sorry.” Her voice is as broken as she is.

“Do you want me to get the doc-” The grape soda spills as she smashes her lips against his, making him grab her waist as she climbs on top of him. They spend their night making up for lost time, showing each other their love and sorrow for what they lost.


J caressed Y/N’s back as she lay on top of him, her arm thrown around his stomach. He frowned as he studied her face, more specifically the worry lines that weren’t there when he last had her. Her face scrunched up in her sleep and her arm twitched. He muttered to her, giving her a kiss on her cheek and she calmed down. He took note of some faded scars, one below her eye, and on her nose. Frost came barging in and averted his eyes when he saw their undressed state.


“She wakes up, and your head goes all over that wall.” Frost cleared his throat and spoke in a lower tone.

“We found her files and some security tapes from Arkham.” This piqued J’s curiosity and he gently removed Y/N’s arm from his stomach.

“Get her a blanket.” Frost quickly left the room. J rubbed her arms as goosebumps appeared and then tucked the blanket around her as soon as Frost brought it back.


When they went through the tapes, the torture, the miscarriage, everything, J was shaking with rage. He saw how she barely got any sleep and wondered if she knew no one touched her.

“You have him, right?” Frost nodded, making sure to stand a couple feet back.

“Yes, boss.”

“She was pregnant.” J said, his voice void of any emotion.

“I know, boss.” Frost said gently.

“Do you think Jonny would’ve been a good name for a boy?”  Frost smiled, J could be sweet when he wanted to be, this didn’t just go for Y/N.


Y/N woke up alone and started crying. At first she thought her rescue had been a dream, she’s had a lot of those, but the bearskin rug beneath her proved her wrong. She sighed and clutched at her uneven beating heart. Chest pains were more frequent now, and she felt wave of dizziness come over her as she stood up. She wondered what happened to the doctor at Arkham, the one that did this to her.  Picking up her blanket, she walked to the corner and sat down in it. Her time at Arkham made her always rely on a corner to comfort her, even though it prevented escape. You could still see where the blow was coming from though. Her entire body flinched when the door opened but she relaxed a tad bit when she saw J.

He didn’t see her, and she saw his face flicker to anger and confusion before finding her in the corner. His grin lit up his face and she couldn’t help but smile back.

“Whatcha doin’ over there, baby?”  She wrapped her blanket around her when she realized she was the only one naked. He had on one of his fancy suits, gold that almost seemed to sparkle. It was half open, showing his tattoos and those annoying gold chains. She didn’t realize she didn’t answer his question until he closed his eyes and sighed through his nose. He walked over to her and crouched in front of her, pulling her legs open so he could get closer. She bowed her head when he looked less than impressed at her not answering and grabbed her face.

“Doll I need an answer. Talk to me.” This sinister look on his face caused tears to well up in her eyes.

“I don’t know.” He rolled his eyes at her answer and she couldn’t help but be annoyed. Can’t you be like, nice for once?

“Why did it take so long for you to find me?”  The bruising grip on her face returned.

“Listen here you little brat. You talk to me like that again and you won’t be able to sit for a week. You think you had it hard, hon? You were in there for four months. I was in there for longer than that, and I didn’t see you batting an eye at how they treat their patients. Don’t insult me again, daddy worked hard to find you.” She basked in shame at his words, but kept a stern face. She still thought she deserved what she got, but she never knew the extent the abuse went to. Though she had her suspicions on the abuse of patients, she never did anything about it.

A light smack on the cheek startled her, and her face turned red from embarrassment on how hard she flinched.

“I expect an apology.” The tears came again, and she lurched into his arms. She was pleased by the warmth he gave off, they always kept it cold in Arkham.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry, daddy. I just missed you so much.” Her naked body curled in against him, and he wrapped his arms around her.

“You’re forgiven, doll. Walk with me?” She shook her head knowing he would have his men out there. Apparently he didn’t like her answer.

“Doll, no one will look at you. I’ll make sure of it.” She whined.

“Please no more killing.” She has seen enough already, but he just laughed.

“Close your eyes, pumpkin.” She did as she was told and he lifted her up, blanket and all. Her heart started racing uncomfortably in her chest. She was having slight chest pains and softly groaned as she placed a hand to her heart. When J walked out the door she broke out in sweats, her legs turned to jelly and she knew she would have passed out if she was standing. She jumped when J yelled, and he frowned

“Alright! Anyone who looks at my shy little princess will get shot, if you’re lucky.” Y/N panted as he continued to walk to their room. Despite the sweating earlier she shivered when he sat her down on the bed. He pulled out a baggy T-shirt and sweatpants, something he normally didn’t let her wear because he wanted to make her feel like royalty. That was one good thing about Arkham, they let you wear sweatpants. She didn’t protest as he dressed her, being surprisingly gentle and kissing all the skin he could find.

“I got a surprise for you, pumpkin.” Her heart raced again, this could be either very good or very bad. She wiped her tired eyes and saw him frown.

“Baby how do you feel?” She couldn’t exactly lie to him, so she decided to tell a complete understatement.

“I’m tired.” His frown didn’t lift, and she found herself tearing up. She’s waited four months to see that smile, and now he’s actually showing concern for her in his own way. He didn’t point out that she slept for over forty hours.

“Alright, hon, let’s go.” He lifted her up again and let out a giggle as she pressed a feather-light kiss to his neck.

“Watch it.” He warned and patted her butt. His head subconsciously leaned against hers as she placed her forehead into his neck. Despite her being fully clothed, she shut her eyes as they walked out. She nearly jumped out of his arms when she heard a tortured scream. J smiled and if anything walked faster towards it. Before they went in he looked at her and said,

“Keep em’ closed.” She hesitantly obeyed. He walked in, placed her in a chair and then stood behind her, his hands on her shoulders. Leaning down, he whispered in her ear.

“Alright, doll. Open those beautiful eyes.” She blushed at the compliment and obliged. She didn’t expect to see the sadistic doctor that tortured her the most, tied to a chair. His face was black and blue, one eye was swollen shut, and he was missing one of his front teeth. She didn’t know how she felt. He was sadistic, yes. He put her through the shock therapy despite what her file said about her heart condition and her being pregnant. He often ordered guards to beat her for no reason, but no one really questioned it since she was the Joker’s girlfriend. She deserved it. She remembers the day when he told her J died, just to see her cry since she refused to when he tortured her. He told her how the guards would have their way with her when she slept, which kept her up most nights. He deserved this, but why wasn’t she happy?

Her eyes found Frost in the corner, his knuckles bloody and bruised. Then she turned her eyes towards the floor. She never looked the doctor in the eye, she couldn’t. She was trained to fear him, even when he’s tied to a chair and beaten to a pulp. It’s hard to refrain from asking him how it feels.

J notices her not looking a him and growls. His queen should never have to fear anyone but him, she should never have to hang her head for anyone but him. If even him.

“Doll, look at him.” She held in a sob and shook her head.

“Please just stop.” It took everything J had not to recoil in shock.

“You’re going back to Arkham.” Patel said with clenched teeth. She’ll give him this, he’s not a coward.

“Once you get there, there’s not a courtroom in the world that will stop me from the things I will do to you-” The crowbar cracked across his jaw, knocking loose another tooth. Y/N was hyperventilating by this point. He meant it. He would get her back to Arkham. He would take her away from J and make sure she suffered until the day she died.

“Did I say you can talk to her? What did he do to you, Y/N? Tell me. You don’t have to do a thing sweetheart, just tell me what he did.” He looked like he wanted to beat her with the crowbar next.

“He hurt me.” She sobbed. J rolled his eyes and pointed the end of the crowbar at her.

“There should be a ‘daddy’ in front of that. Be more specific, doll. What did he do?” This was humiliating, right now she couldn’t decide who she feared more.

“Daddy, he signed off on the electroshock-” J made an ‘oh’ face, as if she reminded him of an old friend.

“Show em’ who you belong to, Y/N. Come give daddy some lovin’” He held open his arms. Her legs were wobbly as she stood but she rushed to him all the same. He gave her a hungry kiss before pulling back and looking her in the eye. His hands cupped her face so she couldn’t look anywhere else.

“Did he touch you?”  She really didn’t know. There were threats, yeah, but he always had her either drugged up on something or making sure she had too little drugs. She didn’t doubt the possibility if she stayed though.

“I don’t know.” She answered truthfully. His eyes darkened at her answer, and she swore there was some type of recognition in his eyes. Something she didn’t know.

“That’s all I need to know, doll.” He sent a quick look at Frost who then guided her out of the room.

J continued to stare at the door Y/N just walked out of. His jaw clenched and unclenched.

“I didn’t touch her.” J blinked and looked back at the doctor who was now showing some fear.

“She was pregnant.” He kept his face blank as he stared at him. Patel nodded.

“She was, but no one touched her. It must have been before Arkham-” J sat down in his lap, not at all playful.

“Me. It was mine, doc, don’t you dare suggest otherwise. You made her think that someone other than me touched her. You made her stay up at night, worrying someone would come into her cell and touch what was mine.” He chuckled. “And they call me a sadist.”

“Why do you think she miscarried? I mean, would it have happened if she didn’t go to Arkham? Or, did the lack of food, sleep, and the excessive amounts of shock therapy to her already damaged heart play a role in it? Tell me, what did you do right after she miscarried? I already know, but I want to hear you say it. Own what you did.” His hand wrapped around the doctors throat when he didn’t speak.

“Doc, I am not in a happy mood even with you, the man who tortured my queen, at my entire mercy. Tell me what you did.” No answer.

“Did she deserve it, doc? Why was she even at Arkham? It’s because she was dating me. She was labeled a psychopath, my sweet little girl, who’s never hurt anyone in her life, was labeled crazy because she’s in love with me.” He giggled.” Well maybe she is crazy. But did she deserve to get tortured for it? When you love someone, you don’t just stop. Ever. Even when people roll their eyes or call you crazy… even then. Especially then! Or in this case, when they torture you for it.” J turned the doctor towards a TV and Patel’s five year old daughter was shown, tears running down her cheeks. She was beside her mother and they both had knives pressed against their throats.

“It is on you, doc! But you can’t do anything, can you? You can’t stop the madman from torturing your loved ones! Even if they didn’t do anything.”

He turned to Frost. “Kill them.” Dr. Patel cried as his daughter’s throat was slit.

“Tell me what you did, and your wife lives.” Patel kept his head down.

“I told her you were dead.” J closed his eyes and let out a little breath.

“After she lost my baby, you told her that her only family was dead. Wow. I think you take the cake, doc.”

“Let her go, please.” J didn’t say anything, just grabbed Patel’s arm and slowly cut off his ring finger. He had to saw to get through the bone, but kept at it. Patel weeped as J finished.

“Love is a beautiful thing. Too bad your daughter will never feel it, much like mine.”


Frost led her to her room, not saying a word. She muttered a barely audible ‘thanks’ and shut her door, not taking long to collapse on the bed. J came in the room minutes later, covered in blood. He sat on the edge of the bed and ran his fingers through her hair. Some strands were falling out from stress.

I need you to forgive me.” Y/N looked up at J in confusion.

“For what?” He placed a hand over her stomach.

“For leaving you.” Y/N sighed and pulled him down so his head was against her chest.

“I don’t blame you. I’m just glad I have you again.” J purred as she massaged his head and he fell asleep to the beat of her uneven heart.

ICHF Key Concepts: The Four Horrors

I’ve been writing Iconic Characters of Horror Fiction articles for over a year to a modest amount of success, and in that time I’ve covered a lot of strange territory - both in the number of different characters I’ve written about, and in the number of weird personal theories about them and the horror genre in general that I’ve shared in the process.  While I feel I’ve barely scratched the surface of what I want to do with this series, I have come to the point where I feel some of those weird theories need their own article.  So allow me to present to you the first ICHF Key Concept article!  And what better to start off with than my moderately popular genre taxonomy: the Four Horrors.

When it comes to Academic literary criticism, the horror genre is mostly uncharted territory.  I was fortunate to have a college that offered two courses on horror literature - I mean, they both focused almost exclusively on British horror literature that was published before the 20th century, but y'know, baby steps and progress and all that.  One of the things I was surprised to learn in those courses was that, as far as literary critics are concerned, there is no distinction between Gothic Horror and Horror in general - all horror is gothic, apparently.  As an amateur scholar of horror stories, I felt that was INCREDIBLY wrong, and so I began working on a more accurate description of the horror genre - one that allows for more diversity.  One that recognizes multiple modes of horror.  A taxonomy, if you will.

I ultimately settled on dividing Horror into four main subgenres, each of which can be divided into even more subgenres on top of that.  Let’s find out more about them, shall we?

Gothic Horror

We’ll start with the only officially recognized horror genre, the Gothic.  Part of the reason I protest it as the ONLY form of horror is that, according to literary critics, it’s a very narrowly defined genre - one that cannot contain all the horror stories we’ve come up with in our history.

Gothic Horror demonizes the old, primitive, and ancient parts of our history.  The horror in a Gothic story comes from the past - a crime committed in the olden days, or an ancient evil that has survived despite the passing of time.  In Gothic horror stories, evil is something that humanity has to grow out of - it its destroyed by progress and discovery.

Monsters in Gothic Horror stories tend to be either undead creatures (like ghosts, zombies, vampires, etc.), mythological monsters (dragons, sphinxes, etc.), or humans that are turned into a more “primitive” creature (Mr. Hyde, Werewolves, etc.).  Decay and degeneration are the main tools of Gothic Horror - the audiences is presented with vivid images of rotting bodies, both literal and metaphorical.  Evil is defeated in Gothic horror stories by uncovering the truth and civilizing the old world - society must progress to keep the dead wickedness of the past buried.

Some of the subgenres of Gothic Horror include Ghost Stories (where the spirit of a deceased person must be put to rest by discovering the horror that killed them in the past), Vampire Fiction (stories with vampires in them), and the Imperial Gothic.  The later is particularly interesting to me and relevant to my Four Horrors concept, as the Imperial Gothic is sort of the bridge between Gothic Horror and the other three horror genres.  You see, while the Imperial Gothic still claims that horror is rooted in the past, it adds on the idea that said horror is being brought back to the present BECAUSE our “progress” in the present is, in fact, a barbaric retread of our ancestors’ mistakes.  It claims that modern man is backsliding, and the old defeated horrors of yesteryear will roam free as a result.  Other horror stories will take the genre even further from there.

Detective Fiction also has its roots in Gothic Horror stories, but whether it still counts as a horror genre or evolved into its own animal altogether is debatable.  I personally wouldn’t count most detective tales as horror stories, but it’s interesting to note their connection.

Examples of Gothic Horror Stories: The Castle of Otranto, Frankenstein, Dracula, The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, “The Yellow Wallpaper,” “The Legend of Sleepy Hollow”

Cosmic Horror

Cosmic Horror was the first horror genre to split off from the Gothic entirely (in this little concept of mine, which is not law).  In many ways, it seems similar to its parent.  Heroes in Cosmic Horror stories often try to uncover the truth behind a supernatural mystery, and it often involves exploring some horrifying and primitive relics of the past.  However, while uncovering the truth solves things in a Gothic horror tale, it only makes things worse in a Cosmic Horror story.

Cosmic Horror does not demonize the past.  Instead, it demonizes existence itself.  The universe is a cold, uncaring place that is beyond human comprehension, and as such it is also beyond caring for humanity.  Evil is rooted in the very fabric of reality, and built into the utter apathy and indifference our world has for us.  Madness, confusion, and miscomprehension are the main tools of these stories - our ability to see the world around us and not understand the meaning of it keeps the reader ill at ease, especially when that world grows increasingly awful and terrifying.

The main monster of a Cosmic Horror story is the… *sigh* eldritch abomination, whose good name as an archetype has been sullied by people applying it to any and all monsters.  At one point, though, eldritch abomination was a phrase that meant something - specifically, a “monster” whose anatomy and nature cannot truly be comprehended by human minds, one who is almost thoughtlessly destructive simply because we are utterly insignificant to it.

We’re probably going to need a new word for that archetype soon, since people seem to love calling any and all monsters that are even remotely strange “eldritch abominations” these days.

Cosmic horror stories rarely offer their heroes a way out - if one does manage to defeat the evil, it is always temporary, and the hero is generally scarred beyond repair by the experience if they survive at all.  One is only safe from the horror if one is ignorant of it - and even then, “safe” only lasts as long as the horror remains ignorant of us as well.

Examples of Cosmic Horror Stories: The Cthulhu Mythos stories, most Slender Man stories, Burrgrr, Awful Hospital, Hellstar Remina, Uzumaki, The Thing

Atomic Horror

When the Imperial Gothic Horror genre suggested that our progress may be unleashing the horrors of the past, it laid the seeds for the third main horror genre to blossom.  Atomic Horror takes things a step further by suggesting our progress will make its own evils - evils the likes of which humanity could never have experienced in the past, for they could only be made by unleashing the newfound powers of modern technology.

In other words, evil is rooted in the present/future in an Atomic Horror story, rather than in the past like in a Gothic tale.  Many Atomic Horror stories try to temper this aspect of their genre by emphasizing that progress is only bad when it is unchecked and uncontrolled - while scientists may make a monster, they can also be the ones to find a way to stop it.  The progress in question doesn’t have to be scientific, either - industrial development schemes or military campaigns are just as likely to create a monster in Atomic Horror as a mad scientist’s experiments.

There are (at least) four main monster archetypes in Atomic Horror stories: the Prehistoric Monster (creatures from the past that are taken out of their rightful time and place by humanity - an archetype that Atomic Horror took from Gothic Horror stories and made its own), the Mutant (a creature that is made by humanity meddling with nature), the Robot (a machine that can operate without human assistance, often with deadly purposes), and the Alien (a creature from another world - often acting as a dark mirror of humanity, showing us how awful we could end up if we don’t change our ways).  Mutation and dissection are the main tools of Atomic Horror stories - we are horrified to find that our “progress” requires us to destroy the current world to build an awful new one in its place.

To stop evil in an Atomic Horror story, one has to change the way humanity is progressing - either stopping the progress itself, changing its direction, or simply reining it in a bit.  We have to rethink what we are doing and consider the effects we have on the world we run - or else the end will always have a question mark.

Two of the subgenres within Atomic Horror include the Alien Invasion Genre, where monsters from outer space invade earth with superior technology, and the Kaiju Genre, where humanity is attacked by a literally gargantuan monster because of our violation of the natural order.  Kaiju stories sometimes leave the horror genre altogether, but I personally think most still stay within its boundaries.

Examples of Atomic Horror Stories: Godzilla, Them!, The Beast from 20,000 Fathoms, The Creature from the Black Lagoon, The War of the Worlds (1953 film), The Blob, Invasion of the Body Snatchers, The Fly

Slasher Horror

Finally, we have Slasher Horror.  Born out of the exploitation films of the 70’s an 80’s, Slasher Horror doesn’t focus on the past or the future very much.  While it shares an existential dread with Cosmic Horror, it looks inward for evil rather than outward.  It’s not the universe that is evil, necessarily, but rather humanity itself.  Something in the human condition is sick, twisted, and, with rare exception, predisposed to wickedness.  Slasher Horror holds one thing as true: humanity needs to be punished, and oh how cathartic it is to watch that punishment unfold.

Slasher horror demonizes humanity itself, and it does so by presenting a cast of almost completely unlikeable and one dimensional characters.  Humans aren’t necessarily moustache-twirlingly evil in Slasher stories, but they are selfish to a ludicrous extent.  They ignore drowning children, have sex even as their friends are being slaughtered in the next room, and rarely trade words with each other that aren’t petty insults.  When a character is introduced in a Slasher story, they are almost certainly designed to make you desire their death.

However, there is generally an attempt at making an exception to this rule in most Slasher stories.  You will normally find at least one character who is unique in that they care about other people and, y'know, aren’t shitty human beings.  This is your hero, and they have the enviable task of stepping over a very low bar to become the least wretched person in your story.

“Monsters” are rare in slasher stories, as most tend to go for an anonymous killer instead - some ominous masked man who picks off the other awful people one by one, often in increasingly preposterous ways.  When one of these killers survives long enough, they may gain an identity - and since this tends to involve surviving several definitely lethal injuries, they often become undead monsters as well.

The main tool of the slasher movie is gore.  Splattering organs, buckets of blood, and impossible wounds are the gross out of choice, and often play less like horrifying scenes and more like money shots in a porno.  Slasher Horror is all about catharsis - while other stories may want to horrify you, Slasher tales let you indulge your darker desires for a time.

Evil is defeated in a slasher movie when the hero loses almost everything and, in desperation, finally snaps and raises a hand against the awful nature of humanity - in a literal fashion, i.e. by killing the slasher.  This violent act may also be why few heroes in Slasher stories survive coming back for a sequel - by killing the slasher, they have become another wicked person who selfishly put their own life above others.

Examples of Slasher Horror Stories: The Halloween series, the Texas Chainsaw Massacre series, Friday the 13th series, the A Nightmare on Elm Street series, the Saw series, Behind the Mask: the Rise of Leslie Vernon, the Scream series

The Axis of the Four Horrors

skeletonphonic was the first to make an axis out of my four horror genres, so credits go to him for the idea for this visual.

If you look at my four horror genres, you can see that there are two pairs of apparent opposites.  Gothic Horror vilifies the past, while Atomic Horror villifies the future.  Cosmic Horror claims the universe is evil, while Slasher Horror claims evil is inherent to humanity itself.  We could use this axis to try and force existing horror stories into one of these four genres - for example, the more a story vilifies humanity, the more Slasher it is.  Simple, right?

Well… no.  See, these pairs aren’t actually opposites.  A story can vilify the past AND the present - hell, that’s basically what the Imperial Gothic does.  Likewise, humanity being evil doesn’t necessarily mean that the universe itself isn’t evil too.  A horror story could hit all four points on the axis.

If one were to graph horror stories on this axis, I think it would be smart not to do it with a simple point.  Instead, show how far a given story stretches in each direction - some may lie firmly in one direction, while others may stretch into two, or three, or even all four.  It could be an interesting experiment for more mathematically included horror scholars than myself to try.

Problems with the Four Horrors

While I obviously like this little division of the horror genres, and have found it very useful in my writing about Horror in general, I can’t say it’s flawless.  It’s mostly based on Western literature, specifically English language literature, and as such there are A LOT of horror stories out there that could theoretically not fit anywhere on this axis.  That’s a major problem that I can’t address entirely on my own - even a glutton like myself could never read every horror story ever made, or even MOST of the horror stories ever made.

Academics might also argue that my division is forced.  A lot of Slasher and Cosmic Horror stories have an evil of the past as part of their story - the murder of Jason Voorhees, the ancient cult of Cthulhu, etc.  We could force them into the Gothic, and then kick Atomic Horror stories out of the Horror genre and into Science Fiction (which a lot of critics do).  I think that’s too simplistic, but y'know, I’m not God.  I’m just a weirdo who thinks too much about horror stories.

There are other taxonomies as well.  Some have divided horror into Supernatural and Radcliffian tales - Supernatural Horror has a horror that is, obviously, supernatural, while Radcliffian Horror reveals that the horror was man-made all along (think Scooby Doo).  Others have divided Horror into Thrillers and Creature Features - Thrillers involve a mundane, realistic threat, while Creature Features have monsters in them.  Or we could divide horror between its two sibling genres, Sci-Fi and Fantasy - Sci-Fi Horror, Fantasy Horror, and Mundane Horror for those tales that don’t have a supernatural element.  There are probably a billion ways we can divide the genre.

But the Four Horrors work for me, and they’ve helped form ICHF into what it is.  They won’t be leaving this blog any time soon.

(For those interested in the little mascots I made for this essay, here are their names: Count Gothic, Cthon Cosmic, Doctor Atomic, and Sam Slasher.)

For the anon who asked for tips for driving

I have to disagree with you on your advice about driving stick:

If you have co-ordination problems or your working memory capacity is low, then IMO stick shift is not a good option for you, because when you’re driving in town or in cities you have to divide your attention to several things simultaneously (traffic lights, the other cars, pedestrians, cyclists, steering the car and co-ordinating your legs and your arms for changing the gears). My car has automatic transmission, and IMO it makes me a safer driver b/c I can pay more attention to the traffic instead of focusing on manually changing gears. However, if driving stick helps to keep you focused, go for it. Just be aware that it’s not a good option for everyone.

For me, paying attention to the traffic and my surroundings is enough to keep me focused. In red lights I focus on what is happening (observing the pedestrians, on the cars in front of me and around me, trying to predict the flow of the traffic and when the lights change, etc). Driving in the dark is the biggest challenge for me because I can’t see what’s around me or the other cars, just their headlights, so it gets boring fast. That’s one of the reasons why I try to avoid driving late at night.

Other good tips on top of my head:

*Check the mirrors when you’re still parked. Don’t touch them when you’re driving!!! If you need to adjust them, pull over, position them to your liking and then continue.

* Listening to radio is a good idea (upbeat music keeps up your energy), but pick a station before starting the car. If you want to change stations mid-drive, pull over. Also, pick a station that has programming you are not passionate about. If you get immersed in an exciting football game or singing with your favourite artists, your main focus is on the radio, not on the traffic. 

* If you can afford it, a cheap GPS device ensures you don’t miss your turns or get lost if you’re distracted. Always program it before you start driving, not while driving!!! Get one with lifetime free updates (it’s cheaper in the long run), and update it via internet before longer trips. The GPS tells you where you have to go, so you don’t have to worry about getting lost or reading the signs. It also shows what the current speed limit is, so you don’t have to worry about getting a ticket.

* Keep the car free of junk. It’s a safety issue, and miscellaneous things on your front seat and dash do not distract you while driving.

* Put your phone on silent while driving (or in aeroplane mode), and keep it out of sight. Again, no distractions. Even if hands-free devices are legal or recommended in your country, they are not a good idea for somebody with ADHD.

* During the summer have your sunglasses somewhere where you can reach them easily. If the sun suddenly comes out, you don’t have to start reaching for the glove box or rooting around in your bag, but instead you can just flip them on. It’s much safer!

* For longer trips, have a bottle of water and chocolate ready in your bag. If you get dehydrated during the drive, you might get a headache which can be distracting. If you feel yourself losing focus, pull over and have some chocolate. It contains caffeine which helps our brains to remain focused.

*If your body comes with an uterus, have pads and painkillers in the glove box. That way if you get a surprise period, you don’t have to worry about getting blood on your seats. (Yes, that can be a real concern for some of us.)

* Don’t drive while you’re very tired, having a strong emotional reaction, or have just gone through something extremely stressful. This is an advice that is also given to neurotypicals, but it’s especially relevant to us. If you can’t postpone leaving, ask somebody else to drive you, or take public transport. If you absolutely have to drive, wait a while to calm down before getting behind the wheel, and if you notice that you’re still distracted, pull over for a while. It’s better to be late than to be a danger to the others and yourself.

As for reassuring anecdotes: I got my driver’s licence way before I was diagnosed with ADHD. I’ve never been in an accident because I was aware of my concentration issues (I just didn’t know what was causing them), so I was always very careful and safety conscious. 

The only time I’ve lightly scratched my car was the day I was diagnosed. You see, that was also the day that I tried my meds for the first time, and they suddenly made driving so easy I became overconfident. By the time I scratched my car I was coming down from the meds, my attention was waning and the static was creeping back, but I had not realized it because I was riding the high of how easy the whole day had been. Suffice to say I was pretty dismayed, but I haven’t had any problems since that day, because now I know that I still need to be careful.

If it’s at all possible, I drive during the morning and the day, because then I know the meds boost my attention and make me a better and safer driver. Generally, I try to avoid driving at night, but when I expressed my concern about having to drive late at night to my doctor, he prescribed me a booster I can take before getting behind the wheel. If taken late it messes with my sleep cycle, but it’s still better than having to drive without it.

Hope that was helpful! :)

Headcanon: Suitors’ Rapping Styles

Because I’ve been listening to a lot of rap music recently (Sorry if y’all don’t understand my rambling about rapping, LOL. :P).

Alyn Crawford - The Storyteller: 

  • Stage Name: Captain Badass
  • Pretty good at freestyling: Alyn can definitely beat his fellow knights at rap battles (he used to practice with Leo when they were kids). 
  • When he raps, he has to tell some kind of story. Otherwise, he’ll get lost if he doesn’t know what he’s rapping about. He feels like it’s the most effective way to put some meaning into his rhymes. 
  • He likes to use movements/hand gestures to emphasize his lyrics. 
  • EXAMPLE: “As a knight of Wysteria I vow to serve the crown / Mess with my country and I will shoot you down.” *”shoots” audience with his finger guns*

Louis Howard - The Genius Lyricist: 

  • Stage Name: Ice Rhymes (Geddit? B/c he’s the “Ice Prince”? ((Hey, I didn’t say their rapper names were gonna be good, okay? :P)))
  • Louis picked up some rapping skills from Sid when they were younger (Louis probably overheard Sid one day, which then led to impromptu rap sessions during their free time.).
  • Louis hardly freestyles anymore because he’s worried that he’ll say something dumb, even though he’s actually really good at freestyle rapping. 
  • He prefers to think about his rhymes beforehand. Once he comes up with something good, he writes the lyrics down, finds a good beat/backing track, polishes up his song, and then memorizes the rap in case he needs to share it with his buddies in the future.
  • He probably practices in front of Lucia TBH.
  • EXAMPLE: “I’m ignoring all the haters: all their faces and their words / Cuz once the ice starts breaking they’ll see how much it hurts…. Oh wait, that was good. I need to write that down.”

Leo Crawford - The Linguist:

  • Stage Name: Double Entendre
  • One of the best freestylers of this list (Maybe freestyle rapping runs through the Crawford family? Lol, idk: I’m just putting some things out there. 😂). Leo’s a fast thinker, so he can come up with lyrics in less than a nanosecond.
  • He also loves playing with the words he uses - he’ll experiment with close-rhymes, monosyllabic & polysyllabic words, and even words from other languages.
  • He’s such a show-off, but that’s what makes him awesome at rapping: he’s not afraid to show his confidence. 😄
  • Also, Leo’s a witty and sassy little firecracker, so he’s got a few diss tracks up his arsenal (he won’t roast you too hard though, I promise).
  • EXAMPLE: “I’ve been learnin’ and searchin’ about why you’re standing there lurkin’ / Why don’t you come a little closer? I won’t bite ya, good lookin’.”
  • (Did I mention that his flirtatiousness skyrockets when he raps? 😂❤)
  • Also, Sebastian can now rap thanks to Leo.

Giles Christophe - Emotional Rapper:

  • Stage Name: Cat Daddy (LOL, LIKE THE DANCE MOVE. 😂)
  • Giles can freestyle if he’s in the mood for it (or if he’s got time for it), but he usually prefers to write down his rhymes.
  • He’s kind of like Alyn when it comes to rapping: Giles often tells stories through his raps, and they always end up being so emotional (His raps often get pretty deep.).
  • He can change the moods/tones between his rhymes very smoothly through both his rapping and the lyrics themselves. His audience is always moved somehow by his performances, so I promise that HE WILL MAKE YOU FEEL THINGS if you ever listen to him rap.
  • EXAMPLE: “Helpless and hopeless are the voices in my head / As darkness consumes my reality in bed.” (Shooot, this got super-emo real quick. Whoops. :b)

Sid Arnault/Lloyd Grandier - A Freaking Legend:

  • Stage Name: $iD (I’m not even sorry about this one: I can totally see Sid signing his name with a dollar sign instead of an “S.” 😂👌)
  • Name three or four of the best rappers you can think of. Now, imagine that they all had a baby (Hypothetically! :P): their child would be Sid. Honestly, this guy’s rapping skills are so good that he would probably have the honor to be considered as an equal among rap legends IRL.
  • Sid was basically born with the talent of rap (it’s a legit God-given talent), but he definitely honed his skills while traveling for his job. He especially learned from the best rappers while hanging out at different bars.
  • Sid will most definitely destroy his challengers in a rap battle (It happens like 99.9% of the time, so watch out!), but he can also sit down and write actual masterpieces.
  • There are no other words to describe Sid as a rapper except for this one: A-FREAKING-MAZING.
  • EXAMPLE: This was how Sid ended his first rap battle (Which he won.): “They call me S-I-D. Don’t you dare forget my name / I’m the dude who straight-up put all you f*ckers to shame.”
  • (Oh, did I mention that he almost never strays away from profanity? LOL, classic Sid~. 😂)

Nico Meier - The Disser:

  • Stage Name: MC Clutch
  • Nico is one of the best rappers on this list (I could see him as a really good improviser.). I also think he’s also one of the fastest.
  • He can make up silly/fun rhymes if he’s just jamming out with his buddies, but hoooo boy he can be brutal when it comes to rap battles.
  • Heck, anyone will REGRET challenging this guy to a rap battle because he will lay out ALL THE DISS TRACKS. I guarantee that HE WILL ROAST YOU LIKE A MARSHMALLOW UNTIL YOU BURN (he is the 0.01% that Sid has yet to beat, LOL).
  • Besides completely annihilating his challengers at rap battles, Nico can write pretty decent rhymes if you give him enough time (because I don’t think he has the patience for that kind of thing: he’d rather just spit out whatever comes to his mind at the moment).
  • EXAMPLE: “You’re in a pickle? You’re stumped! Let’s let everybody know / That your flow is as slow as your bank account’s growth.” (BTW this was an example of one of Nico’s “nicer” roasts. I promise it gets worse: it’s just that I couldn’t think of anything more savage to say at the moment. 😅😂)

Byron Wagner - The Inspirational Rapper:

  • Stage Name: Star Lord (jkjk). His rapper name would probably just be BYRON (Yes, with all the caps.) because honestly, his name’s already cool enough to be a stage name. 😊
  • Byron’s okay at freestyling, but he prefers to prepare his raps ahead of time.
  • He would rap as if he was giving an important speech to his people. I’m not saying that his lines are boring and monotonous: he actually finds ways to connect to his audience (He’s basically the motivational speaker among the other rappers in this list.).
  • He also isn’t afraid to rap about touchy or controversial subjects, especially when they are relevant to whatever’s going on in his kingdom or in the world.
  • EXAMPLE: “Though tragedies like war and famine may never end / We must join hand-in-hand to keep the peace and make amends.” (Aaand this sounds like the conclusion to a Shakespearean tragedy. Whoops x2. xD)

Albert Burckhardt - The Rhymer:

  • Stage Name: Al the Poet
  • For a guy that loses his glasses quite often, he sure doesn’t lose his flow (LOL sorry, Al. 😂)! Albert’s actually pretty talented when it comes to freestyle rapping.
  • He’s really good at rhyming, but not just at the ends of his bars. Oh noooo, this guy can find rhymes almost ANYWHERE in his raps.
  • He really only stops freestyling when he thinks his raps get a little… umm… “out of hand” (Which is why he’d rather write down his lyrics than embarrass himself in a rap battle. 😅😂).
  • EXAMPLE: Al: “You know I’m gettin’ down to business when I put on my glasses / All these ladies are so fine, so I’ll compliment their - *record scratch*” Nico: “Ooo, Al was about to say something dirty~.” Al: *blushes madly* “No I wasn’t, you brat.” Nico: “Oh yeah? What were you gonna say?” Al: “… classiness.” *brusquely walks away* *locks himself in his room for three hours* 😅

Robert Branche - The Innovator:

  • Stage Name: DJ Robert
  • Robert treats rap music as an art: he’s the kind of person that acknowledges the genre as poetry.
  • Like Louis, Robert is a master lyricist. However, Robert’s raps are intriguing and unique, mostly because he ignores the “conventions” of rap. Like he doesn’t mind if a few words don’t rhyme or if the rhythm isn’t consistent throughout his song. Some people call it strange, other call it new and different, Robert calls it art.
  • Along with surprising his audience with his unique lyrics, Robert’s known for making (somewhat subtle) references towards his own life as a way to get his listeners emotionally invested into his songs (Yup. Robert’s an emotional rapper too.).
  • EXAMPLE: “The ruler of a country that doesn’t exist / Was a boy; was a son; was a king that won’t be missed.”

And here’s something a little extra for y’all:

The Princess of Wysteria - RAP GODDESS:

  • Stage Name: Queenie
  • There’s a reason she has that stage name…
  • And that is because….
  • EXAMPLE: “Princess today, queen tomorrow. / Not even one of you fellows can suppress my flow.”
  • (Lmao, I couldn’t help myself, okay? 😂)
More questions about Hide (and analysis on the play he and Kaneki were part of).

About his family

Anon said: Were there any mentions of Hide’s family/background in Tokyo Ghoul? It just popped up in my head but I was wondering why he was always hanging out with Kaneki and maybe he himself was a lonely kid (albeit his optimistic outlook and personality).

Hide never mentions his family, nor Kaneki. We see him living alone, similar to Kaneki:

But even before that, he gives no signs of living with his parents. That, or whoever he lived with as a child was never home; he was always with Kaneki, even in the middle of the night:

It’s probable that because of this, he felt lonely and could feel empathy towards Kaneki, whose mother was always working and his aunt didn’t care about him, adding another reason why Hide decided to stick with Kaneki all that time. In my perspective, Hide and Kaneki only had each other while growing up.

thestrangerprjct said: do you have any information about Hide’s family? Oh and also wonder where Kaneki lived after his mother’s death.

Kaneki lived with his horrible aunt and her family:

Anon said: Hide looks an awful lot like Kuramoto - the closed eye investigator - especially when smiling. Do you think they might be related and do you know anything about Hide’s family? 

At this point, anything could be possible. Guess we’ll need to wait for Hide to appear again (or Sasaki to investigate about him) to know more about Hide and his family. Still, they do look alike:

What happened to him?

Anon said:  What do you think about the possibility that Kaneki did eat a little bit of Hide -but just a tiny bit- when they were at the sewers? (and maybe Hide was the one who came up with that idea so Kaneki could regain some strenght but without making him feel guilty for eating his best friend). Kinda like what happened back at the church when Touka bit Kaneki’s neck/shoulder(?) so she could be able to defeat Tsukiyama. I don’t wanna think Kaneki ate Hide completely :c

Unless he had brought some sort of food or Kaneki ate himself at some point (can actually see him doing that), I think that’s what happened.

livingupcitrus97 said: Will hide appear on the comic? I hope he really do! Also hide’s hair looks like young pineapple when he is working. So yellow and shiney

I’m pretty sure he will appear once again in Tokyo Ghoul:re, but I guess we’ll have to wait. Still, don’t use the pineapple analogy; that’s a death omen.

Anon said: What do you think about the possibility of Hide being part of Floppy?

I guess it’s a possibility; he knows Amon, after all. I mention it here.

Anon said: i know this was probably already asked, but what do you think hide DID put on his will after all? 

Most likely something related to Kaneki; we all know he cares deeply for him. That, or he wrote something like Akira’s “I won’t die, I have a cat waiting for me at home”.

Random Questions

Anon said: Has Hide encountered any ghoul other that Kaneki?

He has encountered many ghouls, actually.

  • The people at Anteiku (Nishiki, Touka, Hinami, Yoshimura, Koma and Irimi maybe also Yomo) - Root A implies that he knows about them all being ghouls.
  • Oumi - A customer in Anteiku who hadn’t eaten in a while. He spots Hide and follows him after getting out of the coffee shop, but looses him in a dark alley (Hide knew he was after him). Hungry, he attacks Kureo Mado without knowing he was a ghoul investigator and the latter kills him. Whether Hide knew Mado was there or not is not known.
  • Cain - In the story “Bible” from the light novel “Days” (Hibi), while Hide tries to prove that Kaneki is not a ghoul he and some guys from Kamii met him. Hide discovered his identity as a ghoul and was forced to fight him: he evaded his attacks and got some human food in his mouth; he also distracted him with fireworks that lured some ghoul investigators, eventually getting him killed when they get in the way of the investigators (he escapes after that).
  • Sanko - One of the people who were with Hide when they met Cain. I don’t think Hide knew she was a ghoul.
  • Momochi Ikuma - They meet in “Bible” too. This one is a pacific ghoul who befriends Hide. When they meet, he was playing guitar and Hide stops to listen to him; then he gives Hide some advice and in exchange for that and his music Hide gives him some coffee. Since he hadn’t eaten in a while, he was extremely grateful. He later affiliates with Anteiku and befriends Kaneki, but a few days later Hide takes Kaneki to see him playing and they have to act like they don’t know eachother (honestly, he is one of my favourite characters).
  • Jason - After Kaneki was abducted by Aogiri, Hide somehow figured out Yamori’s identity as an executive of Aogiri and after disguising himself with a dead ghoul’s clothes, he put a tracking device under Jason’s shoe and anonymously notified the CCG the location of Aogiri’s hideout (I assume it was all for Kaneki’s sake).

Anon said: Have you read detectivecanon’s tumblr post about Hide and his possible relationship to Kanou? It’s very interesting and it also proves quite convincingly that Hide has a habit of scratching his face when he’s lying. What are your speculations on this if you don’t mind me asking hehe

I haven’t read it, but it’s easy to figure out what’s it about. About Hide’s habit, it’s not when he is lying, rather when he is nervous. You can read unspiral’s observation here.

About the Play

naota- said: ok so the ask box wouldn’t fit my question in under 2 asks so i decided to send a message, hope you don’t mind. Q:part 1. ok so i was looking through some chapters from part 1 of tg and then i noticed on chapter 62 page 6, at the lower part of the page, hide is wearing a joker/clown like clothes. it said he was playing a witch’s servant in a play (i don’t know if the translations are correct and i couldn’t find the raw’s :c). that put a bunch of ideas in my head about hide and who this “witch” might be. i know people have theorized hide was with the clowns and stuff and this just really stood out because i doubt that little detail was just put there for nothing,maybe Ishida is hinting something idk ¯\_(ツ)_/¯. Also its the fact that the play has kaneki as the main character :o, the play was mentioned somewhere else in part 1 but i forgot when. Anyways i just though that meant something, dunno if its been mentioned before and idk if its at all relevant but i thought id just point it out. have a nice day :D

First things first, the other time when they talk about the play was in Chapter 118, when Hide and Touka talk.

Now, about the play, I’ve seen people talking about it for a long time, so I’ll go panel by panel with that.

At first sight, nothing out of the ordinary. Typical school play:

Then, Kaneki goes on stage:

Then he fights with who seems to be “The Witch”:

And then Hide shows up, wearing a jester-like outfit:

He is introduced as “The Witch’s Servant”

People have wondered for a long time who is the witch. Many have said that it’s related to the Clowns, especially because the star in Hide’s right eye is similar to the one in Ganbo’s eye:

Based on this, we can associate Hide with the Clowns.

However, I’ve never once seen anyone wondering who is Kaneki in the play. We know he was the protagonist, and we assume he is “good” because he is fighting a witch (witches are typically assumed to be evil).

Still, reading that part again I noticed something quite interesting. Both in chapter 62 and chapter 118, we see him wearing the same outfit:

What I noticed is that Kaneki’s cloak has a particular symbol in it:

That’s not a random symbol, that’s one of Aogiri’s Tree’s symbols:

  • They have this one, used by all the subordinates:
  • And this one, that is in the One-Eyed King’s clothes:

The first one looks like a Phoenix. The second one looks like a leaf of the Chinese Parasol Tree.

We know that Kaneki has been associated with the phoenix before (read why is he associated with it here and what does it mean here), and now we can associate him with the leaf.

In the end, we can associate Kaneki with Aogiri Tree.

But we know that he wouldn’t join them (in the manga; in Root A he was meant to join to find and eliminate the One-Eyed King). 

So, based on this, I’d say that the fact that both Hide and Kaneki are associated with some of the antagonists in the play doesn’t mean that they are or will be part of these certain groups, rather that they will destroy them.

Kaneki will eventually get rid of Aogiri… 

…Hide will get rid of the Clowns…

and together they’ll discover the CCG’s hidden secret.

The Violets in the Mountains Have Broken the Rocks-Charlotte

a/n: i wanted to write some angsty pearlet AU with side trixya about jason running away from his parents after coming out. tw abuse and hinted homophobia, slight demonizing of the dardo family, and slight misgendering of the flawless jason dardo

Bartender AU

3000+ words

SUMMARY: Matt is a bartender who likes poetry, his co-workers Brian and Brian, marijuana, and a long haired angel who won’t help him solve the mystery of the corrupted boy and cryptic poem carved onto the bar.

Keep reading

In the End I'd Do It All Again

A/N: I haven’t written anything in quite a while and this is my first phanfic altogether so I’m a bit nervous about uploading this. But I hope you all like it.

Title: In the End I’d Do It All Again

Genre: School AU I Angst 

Warnings: Alcohol

Description: “Lester, you’re with Howell.” With these words their English teacher assigns Dan and Phil to be partners for a project. The two boys have never spoken before but they quickly discover that they have quite a lot in common. Phil just hopes he won’t screw it up.

Author: phancywork

Betas: phangirlingforphan, deadbeforeithappens

Word Count: 7000

Keep reading

Hannibal Rewatch: 1x13

Season 1, Episode 13: “Savoureux”

**Warning: rewatch blogging, written with knowledge of the full series

Ok moment to talk about the “Previously On Hannibal”, if you can believe it, because they used the clip where Abigail asked Will if Hannibal had told him about her involvement with her dad’s murders and Will responding that he hadn’t, which, u may recall, I was fantastically floored to discover was a conversation that took place all in Will’s head. So the Previously On has ALSO gotten so wrapped up in Will that his imaginings are presented as part of the factual objective recap, and that’s marvellous to me. Because god, we’re in “Savoureux.” It’s the finale of Season 1, things fall apart, the center cannot hold, and from here on out, the relationship this show had with Will is fracturing. What tilting ice sheet are YOU gonna jump on as the glacier breaks apart?

LET’S FEEL IT OUT, as is our way.

Live Feed:

NOPE NOPE NOPE, T minus nope seconds into this and it’s THE BULLROARER. And that thing travels RIGHT down my spine to the tune of nOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOOOPE. Curse these nice headphones, fucking MONSTER TUNERS.

It sounds like hunting and the Gods and being encircled. All of that. I mean it’s, pun-intended, pitch perfect for where Brian Reitzell is using it, don’t get me wrong, that’s WHY I’m so upset. Because here’s Will, oh Will Graham, finally trying to hunt down the monster always in the corner of his eye. And he chases the Ravenstag, until at last he finds —

the Wendigo, hunched by a tree in the enchanted forest like Voldemort feeding on a unicorn. Angular and so hungry, crimson wet pools in the leaves. Will, run.

Keep reading

Fic: Better Angels [Percy, ensemble | T | 2700 words]

[AO3 | FFN | More Fic]

Percy knows a thing or two about losing the battle but winning the war. They all do.

Vox Machina, in the aftermath.


Better Angels

He sits for a while in the workshop he used as a boy, head tilted toward the faint drumming of rain on the stonework outside. He should by rights be working, should be feverishly assembling new projects, new ideas. New weapons. Instead he sits cross-legged on the soot-stained floor, workbench looming above him like a monolith, and lets his thoughts spool out from their tangled wad of thread.

He fought a war, once. That is to say, he’s nearly certain it was a war he fought for all those years when he was sinking alone in the shadows. He says softly, to the air, “To engage in war is the last refuge of someone who knows they have already lost the battle,” and, “War is a shift in perspective that places defeat at the head of a long line of future victories,” and, “Make no mistake, a war is an illusion we all maintain to keep from losing hope at the things we’ve already surrendered.”

“Fear,” he says, finally, “is the shield we prop up against the atrocities we commit.”

He smiles, then, and presses a gasping laugh into the palm of his hand, face flushing and eyes watering with the force of it. He remembers Anders, fussing fastidiously with the parchment and books laid out on his desk, speaking those words with a flippant wave of his hand, remembers leaning into his own scroll and scribbling determinedly, as though siphoning the knowledge from the air around him would make it relevant, would make it matter to a boy whose greater destiny was only ever going to be the wasteful personification of the Idle Rich. Remembers the kick of the List in his hand, the snap of a gunshot fading into the rustling clamor of shadow.

The rains tapers off, eventually, and he pulls off his glasses to rub at his eyes with the blackened, frayed edge of one sleeve. He stands. Goes to find the others.

Keep reading

teaandsunflower  asked:

i love your writing! here have a prompt! sterek, one of them has been pining forYEARS but the other is in a relationship with someone TOTALY DIFFERENT from them, so obv even if the other will break up it wont be relevant. and then the other one breaks up and then hits on the first one whos all like Me??? But u like em blond/female/quiet/fragile etc. and the other's likeDID U NOT NOTICE HOW THAT ONE DIDNT WORK I WANT U. then, fluff. thanks anyway even if u dont write it!*brings u sunshine&smiles*

Aw thanks man! Sorry if this isn’t what you expected, but this just kinda happened? Also I’m sooooo sorry this took so long, I started off writing this completely differently, but that didn’t follow the prompt so I had to start again… Anyways, I hope you like it ^^

The door creaks when Stiles opens it, just like it always has. He’s been telling Derek they should get it fixed some time, but Derek never does anything about it and neither does Stiles. It’s not urgent or anything, but it’s another thing to add to the list of minor annoyances.

He toes off his shoes as he steps inside, hanging up his coat as he cracks his neck. He loves his job - don’t get him wrong - but spending seventy percent of his time staring at a computer screen does nothing to alleviate minor aches, or the fact that he should probably buy glasses some time soon.

“Honey, I’m home!” he calls out when he opens the door to their living room. They’ve been living together for - what - three years now? Since Stiles decided to get his Master’s anyways. They’ve certainly had enough time to build their own little quirks and rituals, and Stiles has had more than enough time to pretend the thought of Derek doesn’t send his mind reeling, doesn’t set his heart alight.

“Hey, I’m in here!” Derek calls - predictably - from the kitchen. Stiles can’t even remember the last time Derek didn’t cook a meal for both of them.

“What’s cooking, good-looking?”

Keep reading