no salesmen

Quick Weight Loss Results

I don’t know about everyone else but as I struggle I get so nervous and uncomfortable and these quick weight loss solutions get as tempting as a chocolate cupcake.

Even worse when you look at them there always a subscription/auto ship program constantly taking your money.

You don’t know if you even like them and haven’t seen them in person.

There’s these results but how can you be sure they’re true?

It’s easier to become a seller than a buyer.

There’s all these flags that say no and you’re still so desperate to try it to see if it will help.

I’m trying to stay away but idk how much longer I can hold out?

Has anyone had honest to God encounters with stuff like this?

Close as Strangers

Close as Strangers: Chapter One

You were happy it was your last year of school. That was until you had to start tutoring your old best friend, Jeon Jungkook. Otherwise known as “Mr. Popular.” 

Word count: 5.6k

Genre: High School au, angst

This was my 5sos story I started on Wattpad but I wanted to do a BTS version.

{Playlist} Parts: one | two | three | four | five | six | seven |eight | nine | ten | eleven | twelve


It was August 20th, the first day of senior year. You were pretty excited, you honestly felt this was going to be a great year. You guess you were also happy this was the last year of high school. You got up and turned off your alarm. Your phone read, 7:15. You’d only lived a couple of  minutes away from school, so you could afford to sleep in a little more.

You got up and grabbed your uniform out of your closet. Yet another reason to be excited about this school year, you only had to wear this god awful thing one more year. You got dressed and went to the bathroom, going through your morning routine. Once you were done and ready you grabbed your backpack and headed downstairs. You went into the kitchen and saw your mom and dad eating breakfast.

Your dad looked up from the paper, “Y/N, look at you. You’re up before noon, how does that feel,” his smile was contagious.

“Forced,” You smiled.  

He laughed and went back to his paper. “Y/N,” your mom spoke.

“Yes ma'am?”

She walked over to the table handing you two paper sacks. “Your and Yoongi’s lunch for today.”

You smiled and looked up at her, “Thanks Mom.”

“Sure,” she spoke as she sat down at the table. You’d started to eat some toast that was on the table when Yoogi rushed in.

“Sorry I’m late,” Yoongi shouted from the hallway as he came into the kitchen.

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2

“Over the last few weeks, things have been changing here. Sabre says it is our duty to support the sales team and the salesmen are letting it go to their heads. I think it’s kind of screwed up, because the way this place used to work was: make friends first, make sales second, make love third, in no particular order.”

Try to Understand (Part 1)

Characters/Pairing: Beta?Reader, Omega!Charlie, Alpha!Dorothy, Beta!Benny, Alpha!Dean Smith. Eventual Dean x Reader.

Word Count: 3.9k, or so

Warnings: A/B/O dynamics, language

A/N: I didn’t intend to make this a mini-series, but it’s going down this way. This is my fic for @dr-dean‘s ABO Birthday Challenge. It’s an AU, so just go with it. My song prompt was Magic Man by Heart. This is my first time writing A/B/O, so constructive criticism is definitely welcome. Shout-out to @roxy-davenport for the assist and beta when I was freaking out a little. Hope you enjoy it!

Part 2

Originally posted by dancewithmejensen


“I don’t see why this is necessary,” your mother says almost passively as she groans. The discussion had been going around and around in circles. You just hoped it would finally end with you getting your way.

“Because, momma, before I’m swept off for the merger, I think it’s only right that I get some real-world experience.”

“Stop calling it a merger, it’s a marriage. And you’ve already been helping with the company for years, what else do you need to know?”

“Yes Ma’am, I know.” You pause for a moment before continuing as you try to think of the best way to convince your mother. “But how are we ever going to move forward if we can’t innovate. It’s only an internship, I’m not doing anything dangerous and it’s not like I’m going to the moon. Come on, momma, please talk to him? Let me do this?”

She pursed her lips, “You’ve got to be careful. Consider how this will reflect on our family name.”

“Of course. Always.” You nod, hoping to appease her and speed up the process of her decision-making. Over the years, you’d figured out that she was typically the one with the final say on matters, and while she took her time, you usually found ways to sway her in your favor.

In the end, you’d won, convincing them to let you take the opportunity for the internship at Sandover before moving forward with your other future arrangements - including your engagement to Benny, the heir of his family. ‘Think of the family name,’ you mocked. Like you’d ever get the chance not to. It was known in practically every household for it’s multi-generation, multi-million dollar business. But also known in the more infamous way for the family stance on breeding practices.

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Traveling Roomba Salesmen

It was my first attempt to dm Star Wars: Saga edition. In my party, I limited force users to having only force sensitivity since Jedi Powers are broken. I had one cat soldier, a jawa, and a droid from the trade federation.

At one point, they were on a mission to find an item for a crime mistress from Tatooine.

Me: How do you approach the fortress?

Droid Character(ooc): I know, we can sell them a roomba.

Me: ( has tiny aneurism) Fine, but it better be impressive. This is in a galaxy a long time ago etc. You need to create a sales pitch.

All players build a roomba and then proceed to sell it via the droid. Manage to get past the front security and enter the compound.

Alas, they forgot to tell the npcs not to blow the building…

in response to ‘what’s the weirdest thing about your dad’

starfoozle said: When I first showed up he emerged from the house looking like a mad professor with that one shirt with the scary baby head on it and within the first few hours of meeting me had brought out jars of various mushrooms and old-timey poisons to show me?
Also the fact that he designs dieselpunk ufos. and ran away to join the historical reenactors as a kid. and lived for three years on eggos while selling flyswatters out of the back of a van, if I recall correctly. 

My dad says that you need to acknowledge he made the waffles from scratch. But that’s… yeah, that’s a pretty good start. He sold 75,000 flyswatters and was one of the very first salesmen of Billy Bob Teeth. 

Couple Items

Originally posted by korean-hip-hop

Couple Items

When your boyfriend suggested you two get a few couple items you thought it was cute. He had a tendency of buying you a lot of jewelry and you’d just make him return it. His taste was just a little over the top and too expensive. You were hoping that shopping together would mean you could hit up a few local shops and get a matching phone charm, or cute couples shirts. But of course, Joon Kyung wasn’t that simple. When he said he wanted to shop in Gangnam, it should have been your red flag that he wanted something over the top.

“Yah, Oppa please put that down that’s expensive.” you pouted. He’d dragged you all around the city going from Versace boutiques to Armani stores and buying all of these outfits and bags that you just know you’re not going to wear.

Joon Kyung held up the gold chain, inspecting it with the jeweler. “But you wanted matching things. Let’s get a whole outfit.”

“I meant something cute and meaningful-That chain cost more than my car.” you crossed your arms over your chest.

He grinned looking over “We can fix that too. Matching couple cars? I could get you one in rose gold?”

“No”

“But you love Rose Gold, it’ll match your phone”

You sighed holding his hand. “Please, I don’t even wear chains. And don’t even think about buying me a car.”

He smiled pecking your lips. “I’m probably still going to buy you a car.”

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Happy Birthday Tim Curry!!!

Today, April 19th, marks the 71st birthday of the one, the only, TIM CURRY!

The Rocky Horror fandom knows him best as the deliciously demented Dr. Frank-n-Furter, of course…

But Mr. Curry’s body of work goes far beyond that. Over nearly five decades(!) of acting, he has portrayed the Bard of Avon, Will Shakespeare

Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart in the original Broadway run of Amadeus

Miss Hannigan’s dashing but dastardly brother Rooster in Annie

The Pirate King in the 1982 West End production of The Pirates of Penzance

The demonic Darkness of Legend

The butler, Wadsworth, from that board-game-come-to-life Clue

The Grand Wizard in the film-length meme that is The Worst Witch (and yes, Tim, we all want to see your *ahem* “tambourine”)…

Steven King’s carnivorous clown Pennywise, causing generations of horror fans to develop coulrophobia (Beep Beep, Richie!)…

Ferngully’s Hexxus, whose slimy, seductive song “Toxic Love” gave 90′s kids of all genders very confusing feelings for an animated smog-monster…

The smarmy, sycophantic Concierge in Home Alone 2

The conniving Cardinal Richelieu, the Three Musketeers’ powerful foe…

The entire creepy-ass Brackett family in the Tales from the Crypt episode “Death of Some Salesmen”…

Ariel’s oddly muscular antagonist, the Evil Manta, from The Little Mermaid TV series…

The Pebble and the Penguin’s devious Drake (once again, why on earth is a penguin that buff?)…

The infamous Long John Silver, complete with Muppet crew (and a smouldering past romance with Miss Piggy)…

King Chicken in the strange, crass adult cartoon Duckman…

The patriarch of that beloved creepy, kooky family, Gomez Addams

The bumbling wildlife expert (and father of 1,000 smashing memes) Nigel Thornberry

Ben Ravencroft, a horror writer with a mysterious past in Scooby-Doo and the Witch’s Ghost

The greedy Ebenezer Scrooge in Madison Square Garden’s 2001 Christmas Carol (as well as a number of other Christmas Carol projects, including voicing an animated Scrooge in 1997, recording an audiobook, and even participating in a Sesame Street version!)…

King Arthur in the original run of Monty Python’s Broadway blockbuster Spamalot…

Prince, Garfield’s royal doppelgänger… 

Chancellor Palpatine in Star Wars: The Clone Wars

The ominous Auntie Whispers in Over the Garden Wall

…and did the Time Warp again in 2016 as the Criminologist in FOX’s totally unnecessary remake of The Rocky Horror Picture Show.

And that’s just a tiny selection of roles from his huge body of work! (I should know: I spent literal hours combing his résumé for this post.) Mr. Curry is a true jack-of-all-trades talent—from stage and screen, to audiobooks and voice work for animated features and video games; he even released several albums as a solo musician!

For almost half a century, Timothy James Curry has inspired the weirdos, the queer kids, the theater geeks, and the freaks of the world. His life shows them—shows us—that being ourselves will pay off in the long run, no matter how much we are told that we have to “learn to fit in” and “be normal, for god’s sake.”

Mr. Curry, you are a motherfucking hero, and for that, we honour you. Here’s hoping you are healthy and happy, today and for many birthdays yet to come.

So everyone join me in a rousing chorus of a song even the virgins will know!

if you’ve ever thought that adults have it all together, keep in mind that I, a 35-year-old married woman with a stable job I’ve had for over a decade, have driven a car with the check engine light on since October

(to be fair I knew what was wrong with it, I just didn’t want to spend $1200 to fix it given that the car is 11 years old)

today it wouldn’t shift into a higher gear and now it smells like burning  😂 😂 😂 😂 😂

my wife’s report is that our lives smell like burning

guess I’ll be buying a car this weekend, which is literally one of the worst ways to spend a weekend

You are swimming in a lake. The shore is quite far off and you know that beneath you there is a wall of water multiple times the length of your body. Your feet tread nervously as you keep yourself afloat. The water is dark beneath you, darker than you think it should be, but you tell yourself it must be a cloud passing overhead. You don’t look up. The sun is caresseing your head. Suddenly you feel something winding around your foot, and instincitvely you start to kick out in fear. But the more you struggle, the more the stringy, slick something tangles around your ankle. Something breaks through the surface in front of you, and as you look down you find yourself staring into the large eyes of a terrifying monster.

“Excuse me,” it says, and the entire lake trembles, “I’ve noticed the callused skin on your feet. Can I interest you in our newest and incredibly effective corn parer?”


The stairs creak under your weight, and you balance the glass of water in your hand carefully. It is night. It was thirst that got you out of bed, but now you wish you would have turned over and pulled the blanket over your head. There is something behind you. Rationally, you know it is nothing, but your nerves are on edge and your heart is hammering. It takes every ounce of self-control for you to not start running up the stairs until you reach the safety of your bed. You need to stay calm. Once you start running, it will be too late. But then someone clears their throat behind your back, not far away at all, and there is no holding you back. You run, spilling your glass of water.

“Mam, wait a second!” you hear someone call after you with a voice like a million screaming children, “We have stair lifts on special offer!” 


The water is hot as it splashes onto your head and runs down your body. You feel warm and comfortable. But as you apply shampoo to your hair and the bubbly water runs over your face, you instinctively close your eyes. Everything goes dark. And suddenly there is no more comfort. You feel the need to open your eyes, but you know the shampoo will sting, so you tell yourself to calm down. You know there is no one there, cannot possibly be. But you are wrong. The water is uncomfortably hot, and suddenly feels sticky. You don’t dare to open your eyes anymore. A hand that is not your hand moves through your hair, and then you feel hot breath tickling your ear. You stay very still.

“Today’s your lucky day, Miss,” the voice hisses, “I don’t usually do this, but because I like you I’ll offer you two Gentle No-Tears Kid Shampoos for the price of one.”


monstrous salesmen // (inspired by this post)

Hidden Enemies in the 12th house

Please Note: I don’t want this post to scare anyone. This is just a method I am trying out. Astrology shows us potentials, but it doesn’t have to be the end all truth.

A “dispositor” is the planet that rules the sign that another planet is in. For example, Venus would be the dispositor for Mars in Taurus. Jupiter and Neptune would both be dispositors of Saturn in Pisces.

Mars traditionally ruled Scorpio before Pluto was discovered by Percival Lowell.

Saturn traditionally ruled Aquarius before Uranus was discovered by William Herschel.

Jupiter traditionally ruled Pisces before Neptune was discovered (I’ve heard it is debatable who truly discovered Neptune first.)

Sun’s dispositor is in the 12th house: Your father isn’t always thinking about what’s best for you. Your father might have been selfish in ways that were hurtful to you. You learn to be a better person and not fall into his behavioral patterns.

Moon’s dispositor is in the 12th house: Your mother didn’t always raise you with your best interests in mind. Your mother might have been selfish and made you feel victimized. As you do your “shadow work”, you transcend any awful experiences, instead of allowing them to affect how you treat other people.

Mercury’s dispositor is in the 12th house: Your siblings made you feel like you didn’t measure up. Watch our for young people who may try to manipulate you. Your mind can tap into the collective to gain inspiration if you ease your mind to be open to the universe.

Venus’s dispositor is in the 12th house: Women may try to manipulate you. Lovers make you feel victimized, and you’re meant to have relationships that bring out deep emotions. You gain appreciation for the beauty of the universe as you allow yourself to grow from tough relationships, releasing pettiness, grudges, and old heartbreaks.

Mars’s dispositor is in the 12th house: Men may make you feel victimized and it is up to you to find your own power. Something always seems to hold you back from feeling motivated and following thru with tasks, but as you do your “shadow work” and heal your inner world, you sabotage yourself less and you become more powerful. You are learning to move forward and fight for what is right in the most effective way, after you identify what drains your energy and the way of life that is best for you.

Jupiter’s dispositor is in the 12th house: Teachers, gurus, leaders, and healers might not be as grand as they seem. There are many psychics who con people out of their money, by making the client feel scared, so that they come back to them for more “healing” or advice. There is a huge grey area between genuine psychics/healers/gurus/teachers that truly help people, and the ones who kinda sorta help, but make the person/client feel invalidated, all the way down to “snake oil salesmen” who cold read people, and catch onto their desires. There are “gurus” and people claiming to be on a spiritual path who influence women to get in bed with them. Just watch out for leaders who don’t have your best interest in mind. Find your own truth, you are your own guru!

Saturn’s dispositor in the 12th house: Authority figures, people much older than you, bosses, your father, elderly family members, etc. may not have your best interest in mind. It may be tempting to ask for advice from someone you admire, but you might be inviting them to criticize you.  I had it happen to me where I had someone blame me for my “mistakes” without even listening to my whole story and how things came to happen. Remember that elderly people can be full of wisdom, but they can also be stuck to principles/ideas that do not work for everyone. Sometimes people who are older could be so stuck to their opinions that they refuse to be receptive to a young person. Find the wise crone within you and be very careful about revealing parts of your life to authority figures and elders.

Uranus’s dispositor in the 12th house: Rebels, badasses, geniuses, etc. might not be the best influences in your life, they could be manipulative, or lead to your own self undoing. Find the wildness within you and embrace it! Accept the parts of you that stray from the norm, as they lead you to your brilliance.

Neptune’s dispositor in the 12th house: Your desire for escapism can become a self-undoing. This is another case where a person could be prone to snake oil salesmen, as well as gurus, and psychics who cause damage to a client/student/follower without owning up to it. When a healer or psychic gives a session and says something inappropriate or damaging, and the client calls them out/stands up for themselves, the healer might say something like, “Ask yourself why that hurt so that your healing process can start”, instead of holding themselves accountable for saying something inaccurate/uncalled for. Over the course of my life, I’ve had over a dozen psychic readings, (maybe a lot more than that) some left me feeling invalidated, and some were wonderful. Choose wisely who you allow to read for you ;). Neptune is full of deception… Psychics are ruled by Neptune, perhaps therapists could be as well. Clients come to these people in their weakest hour, and sometimes they get taken advantage of.

Side note: if a psychic, astrologer, teacher, guru, healer, etc. actually cares about whether you are satisfied with your reading/session, that’s a good sign. Many healers will mirror any dissatisfaction back to the client, making the client feel like it is their fault, I’ve heard of this happening. Some psychics will insist they are correct about what they perceive about someone’s life, instead of accepting it when the client tells them they’re wrong. I absolutely love the metaphysical community, but it comes with just as much deception as it does wisdom.

Pluto’s dispositor in the 12th house: Someone who you perceive as magnetic, seductive, and influential might actually be self serving, or just not that great of a person for you to associate with. For example, maybe you have Pluto in Sagittarius, the dispositor would be Jupiter, then maybe you have Jupiter in the 12th. Another example, you have Pluto in Libra, and you have Venus in the 12th.