no really

Ronan and Romance.

Blue: So how did you finally win Adam Parrish’s heart?

Ronan: Well, Sargent, it went something like this: - *counts on fingers* - first, I dragged him behind my car, then I insulted his girlfriend (that was you - sorry, bro), then I beat up his dad, then I paid his rent without telling him, then I slept on his floor and THEN I showed up at his work with a ten-foot monster bird and asked him to help me blackmail our latin teacher- 

Blue: That went well, I take it?

Ronan: Well no, he kicked me out, so I broke into his car and left him some hand lotion and a mix tape with only the Murder Squash Song on it. 

Blue: I have a vague memory of that tape.

Ronan: It worked! So I took him to see some cows, then we went shopping and I crashed a grocery cart with him in it-

Blue: Gansey never did that to me.

Ronan: See, you need to know how to pick’em. Anyway, there was a slight snafu in a church involving some bodyparts in an envelope and my own bloody corpse, but we got through it, it’s all good. I went on to produce a hooved supernatural child who eats everything in sight  -(he adores her, it’s really sweet), acted as his personal chauffeur during an evening hunt for the Devil, then took him to do a little frolicking in a magical woods where I gave him a nervous breakdown by revealing that said magical woods came from inside my head-

Blue: Fair. 

Ronan: *glares* - He got over it, alright?! Anyway: finally, on my 18th birthday party, after accidentally calling him a shithead, I sent him upstairs to my bedroom for some aluminum foil and there, I kissed him on the mouth after playing a little too long with a toy car and presto! One Parrish-Lynch coalition in the bag!

Blue: …

Blue: If that worked, you deserve each other.

Ronan: - *beams* - Thanks! 

An Average Morning in the Pynch Household
  • Ronan, from the kitchen: How is the walking-talking miracle boy today?
  • Adam, not looking around: I'm not sure. How are you Ronan, baby?
  • Ronan, barely able to stand and blinking back tears: I'm fine Parrish. Now, go eat your pancakes.

Person: This bad thing just happened! *goes on to explain how scared, angry, and abhorrent of the thing that happened they are*

INTJ (me): *shrugs*

Person: Aren’t you scared, though?! This is a terrible world we live in!

INTJ (me): I am not at all scared. In fact, I do not have any feelings upon the subject. I learned a long time ago through personal experience that this world is not fair. The sooner you embrace the void the happier you’ll be. Have a nice day.

That’s about when you first met, right, long before meeting again on The Americans?
  • Keri Russell: Like over 10 years ago. We were at—this is not a joke—a kickball party in Rustic Canyon in California.
  • Matthew Rhys: In fact, it was Jennifer Grey’s kickball party. I was drunk. The sun was setting, and we went home…
  • Russell: We were straying into a parking lot. You had your friend with you…
  • Rhys: [Keri] had a bottle of beer that she couldn’t open, and I was trying to open her beer.
  • Russell: The boys were trying to get me to stay in the parking lot…
  • Rhys: That sounds so bad!
  • Russell: [Laughs] No, like to keep the conversation going! He opened the beer with his thumb, and he really hurt his thumb. We stayed, we laughed. And I had to leave to New York right after.
  • Rhys: And that was that. On our training day when we were on The Americans, I said, “We actually met before.”
  • Russell: And then I went…
  • Rhys: “Oh, you’re that fool who cut your thumb on that bottle of beer!”

I’m just going to put this out there. Even though I know only about three people will agree with me.

It’s all going to be fine. It’ll all work out. Even if this sl all plays out in depressing, predictable fashion, it’ll be fine. Robert is sorry, Aaron will forgive him. Breathe.

I mean, look at it this way. The last time I shipped Aaron with someone and it looked like he might be happy for five minutes, that fucker got hit by a TRAIN. This is nothing.

I’ll be bitter about Robert being treated like shit until the end of time but I’m going to have to make my peace with that.