no player

So a demon is possessing the body of my rogue’s adoptive-brother. She obviously doesn’t want to hurt him, but she doesn’t want him to hurt the rest of the party.

Rogue: Well that leaves one person. I stab myself in the stomach.
Everyone else: WHAT THE FUCK.

The DM laughs a bit, making some rolls as I get yelled at for stabbing myself.
Fighter: “The fuck is that going to accomplish-”
DM: The demon seems frazzled for a moment before rushing over to [rogue’s] side and using a cure spell on her.
Demon: “The fuck was that?! How did you do that?!”
Rogue: “You’re possessing my older brother. Unless you got rid of him completely, I doubt he’s suddenly going to become passive rather than fussing and obsessing over me when I’m injured.”
Demon: “Well-”
Rogue: “Try your luck at killing me. See how that does over in my brother’s body.”
Demon: “Bullshit! I’ll deal with you and your gross sibling love later-”
Rogue: I stab myself again.
DM: *More rolls* He returns and heals you again.
Rogue: “Thanks for the healing.”
Demon: “Quit it, can’t you see I’m trying to kill people!”
Rogue: I stab myself again.
Demon: “STOP THAT YOU FUCK!”
Rogue: “NEVER. TEENAGE REBELLION!”

My confused party takes this as permission to attack him, knocking him out pretty quickly while he’s distracted with me.

Fighter: “…what just happened?”
Wizard: “Familial bonding.”

TL;DR: Rogue beats demon possessing her brother by distracting him and tricking him into healing her from brotherly instinct.

(Note: anything in quotations is in character, if not, it’s ooc)

Good job

NPC Dragon: Thank you for helping me with this quest. For your reward, dragonkin, I will allow you to change your elemental power.

Dragonkin fighter: Thank you, I would like to change my fire breath into ice breath.

Other player OOC: Hey, are you sure you’re going to remember that you changed your elemental power?

Dragonkin fighter OOC: Sure I will!

—The very next campaign—

Dragonkin fighter: I use my fire breath to light the fireplace.

All other players: *forehead slap*

DM: Your *ice breath* encases the fireplace completely in ice. It will never light again. Good job.

A rocky start

Some Context: one of my fellow players in a game is a rock golemn named Scoria. This exchange happened when the GM asked us on skype if we were available to play over the upcoming weekend:

GM: what’s the weekend plans guys?

Scoria: I am ready to roll.

GM: But are you ready to rock?

Scoria: You’re a real gem, GM

Player: stfu

Scoria: I’m sorry, shale we talk about this later?

Player: How dare you

Scoria: I got a bit boulder

Player: I s2g

Me: I think the puns rock. Perhaps you’re just too impatient to wait for a really nice one to crystallize. In the meantime you’ll just be losing your marbles over some lime jokes

Player: Why do you do this to me?

GM: Because we love you. Granite, we’re not very nice people.

Me: I wanted to throw out more puns in response, but I’ve hit a wall. They’re really too hard. Player is right, we should all some back down to Earth and start over, you know, with a clean slate. No more forced rock puns to stalagnate our conversations

Player: F***ING

Me: Uh oh, I’ve sent your and my relationship down a rocky road. Maybe if I’m gneiss you’ll be willing to drop all this grit and work with my based on sediment alone.

Player: z;ldkfjgn;zkjb

Me: I suppose I have norite to ask for forgiveness. Of quartz, I’ve earned your skarn. If you can’t forgive me I’ll just have to boulder on without you.

Player: why do you hate me?

Me: I don’t, I just love puns. But I’m done. I spent a solid 10 minutes reading up on names of rocks. It’s too much effort and I’m not even the rock golemn who should be making these puns.

Player: I’ll just silt over here and be quiet then

Scoria: I was driving!

Me: I’ve put more effort into thinking of rock puns in the last hour then I think you’ve done in entirety of the time you’ve played as Scoria. Not that I’m really keeping Scor(ia).

okay real talk, the hit on guentzel really got to me. it just made me so angry, and when he tried to stand up but couldnt my blood ran cold. there’s nothing worse than seeing injuries like that. ristolainen better be suspended. i hope jake is okay, and if he isnt (he mostly likely isnt) i wish him the best recovery possible.

6

HOMELAND | “Sock Puppets” | Bit Players | Trent, played by Bradford Anderson

Bradford Anderson is most well-known for his role on General Hospital and its spinoff, General Hospital: Night Shift, as Damian Spinelli, a computer hacker. He originated the role in 2006 and continued to play the part until 2016.

His career has been sprinkled with guest-appearances on shows such as NCIS, NCIS: Los Angeles, Castle, Minority Report, and Veronica Mars. His credit on NCIS as “Second Geek” combined with a similarly nerdy role on Veronica Mars lead me to believe that Bradford Anderson is potentially a victim of typecasting. He has not, however, had a role on Law & Order (yet).

It’s worth mentioning that somehow this guy is 37-years-old. He looks 25. It must be the fresh New Hampshire air.

Half our party decided to nope at a cave and stand outside. One of them, our Dragonborn Cleric Lazarus, decided to try and teach his drake Snazzarus, Blackjack. (how he got the drake is a long story) Because they were out there for a while the DM decides to check how they are going.

DM: please roll to see how you are faring at blackjack, I shalI roll for Snazzarus.

Cleric: (rolls a low number) guess not too well.

DM: (rolls a nat 20) well it seems that your drake, albeit stupid in all other parts of life, has gambled you out of all of your belongings. He seems to be a natural savant and blackjack and needed no training at all.