Looks can be deceiving. Oh Sehun is far from being a prince charming.
Belonging is a strong and inevitable feeling that exists in human nature. Coming to an unfamiliar environment I had high hopes to find that belongingness. To wed a prince for the purpose of my country.
Yet all of my hopes were scattered all in the first fifteen minutes of my arrival at the court of my fiancé.
He has already decided to be hostile without even knowing me. Without ever interacting with me. So while having tea with the entire Oh family and me and my mother, I wonder… what must I have done to have made him disapprove of me?
One of our most beautiful memory from Morocco was this small waterfall hidden in the middle of the desert, near Ouarzazate. We had the chance to meet Malika, a doctor woman working for Médecins Sans Frontières (Doctors Without Borders), she drove us in some of her favorite places like this one, a miniature paradise swarming with life: birds, frogs, dragonflies, fishes… We stayed there for hours, swimming in the clear water and drawing watercolor sketches.
Look at me closely, say this isn’t what the paradise looks like. When you make me feel like a garden of your love, I feel like the storage of your lies. Every sip of those words, there are thorns stinging on my neck. Draining my empty rapture. Playing with my feelings. Like a little kid picking the best part of me, tearing apart the petals until my skin is no longer sealed from storms. Burning ices, the melting fire in your camouflage eyes.
Someone says I am worthy of something better, but ripping down on my bones, I would show my scars and they would open and can easily bleed it again. I say I wouldn’t jump into the falls, either it can break or drown me, but I always do it anyway. I never care about colors that fading away. Hurt might make my life useful.
Sometimes facing what hurts, lessons are dripping down my brain, being processed by my heart, absorbs by my soul. This is not a vacation place in your life. I’m not a paradise. Maybe I like a home that you can feel the comfort of tired silhouette, through darkness, brightness, confusion, I’ll make you feel your smile grows more than what you’ve thought of me as a garden.
You made me cry as the sprinkler for my root that lost its breath. You tried so hard to make me a perfect image for people around us, but I don’t want perfection, maybe If you would be true to yourself.
Don’t build my universe in your hands, pick me up and build up my feet through your care, if it’s real.
Hurt me like I would find myself, just stop hurting me until I lost myself. I’ll never going to be your beautiful place, I’m worried to be messed up and never be good in your eyes anymore. Tell me someday someone’s going to be with me because I am the safest place, no matter how close or far I am.
Summary: You decide to ask Dean about how is Heaven like and share one of your biggest fears.
Warnings: some angst, some fluff. Flangst?
A/N: Hope y’all like it! Feedback is very appreciated!
A couple of months ago, you were hurt on a job. A werewolf dug its claws horribly on you and you’d lost so much blood, you had thought that was it for you. Despite your condition Dean and Sam did not give up on you. You were in and out of consciousness, they stitched you up, and stayed at the bunker waiting for you to be completely healed before going on a hunt again.
Since that moment you were afraid of dying. You’ve always been afraid of the idea of dying, but now you had a close encounter with death and that scared the hell out of you. It got you thinking what is beyond the veil.
One night you were lying in bed with Dean watching a movie and you couldn’t help but ask that question that was running inside my head for a while.
A/n- (feel free to change the friends name I was just too lazy to write y/f/n that
may times) IT’S HERE! bet ya weren’t ready for that plot twist ;)
The night ended with all six of you heading back to
the hotel. It wasn’t until about 2 am that the guys left.
“Wait!” you protested as they stood up. “We all need
to switch numbers so we can have group chat after we leave!”
“Ok,” Justin laughed as he grabbed your phone.
“Gimme,” you motioned for Tyler to give you his
After everyone had each other’s number, the boys
“Alright, I’m going to bed.” you said as you plopped
onto the bed.
“Same,” Alice yawned.
“I’m gonna go call Sean,” Olivia grabbed her phone
and headed to the balcony.
You three didn’t wake up until about 11 am. And none
of you rushed to get ready.
“Hey, I’m gonna call Anth and see what the plan is,”
you said as you walked out to the balcony, leaving the other girls to continue
After a few rings, Anth picked up. “Hey, Y/n.”
“Hi. What’s up?” you ask, looking at the city below.
“Nothing, just chilling at home.” He sounded
hesitant, but you brushed it off. It was probably nothing.
“Do you still want to go to the Santa Monica Pier?”
“Listen, Y/n…” he trailed off.
You laughed, “You can say no.”
“It’s not that…” he said and you began to worry.
“Y/n, Conor left.”
“What do you mean he left?” your voice cracked.
“He went back to London last night. He was really
upset,” Anth was biting his slip almost to the point of drawing blood. He
didn’t want either of his friends to be sad. He just wanted them both to
realize that they were in love.
“About what?!?!” you yelled, tears threatening to
fall. “What could he possibly be upset about?”
“He saw that you were hanging out with another guy,”
“Oh. My. God.” You sighed. “He’s so fucking
childish! Maybe if he actually talked to me then he would know he was just a
“Y/n, just please try to fix this. You guys are
perfect for each other.”
“Obviously we’re not Anth!” you began crying. “He
plays me like a fucking game. He treats me like crap and then gets mad when I’m
not interested anymore!”
“He likes you a lot,” Anth tried to level with you.
“He has a real shit way of showing it.”
“It’s not your fault,” you yawned. “Sorry for flipping
out on you; you didn’t deserve that.”
“It’s okay,” he chuckled. “You still want to go to
Santa Monica Pier?”
“Sure,” you smiled even though he couldn’t see it.
“Meet us there in an hour.”
You tried. You tired really hard. But you just
couldn’t. Every time you weren’t talking, your mind would flood with him.
Whether it be his smile, his hair, his voice or anything else. It was him.
Always had been and always will be.
You walked down the pier trying to stay tuned in to
the conversation, but you just couldn’t. You wanted to see him, feel him, and
be with him. And you couldn’t. And that killed you.
You needed him.
“Y/n? You aright, love?” Alice asked, wrapping an
arm around your waist.
“Yeah, just a lil homesick,” you plastered on a fake
“C’mon babes,” Olivia smiled. “We’ll be home soon
So a few more hours were spent at the pier and then
you four went out to lunch.
After lunch, you guys arrived at Anth’s apartment at
around 2 o’clock.
“So, you girls are leaving tomorrow…” Anth said as
you three entered his apartment.
“Yeah, our flights at noon.” Alice frowned.
“I don’t wanna leave,” Olivia pouted.
“Same, but I couldn’t stay here forever.” You said,
sitting on the floor.
“I could, 100%. This place is like paradise,” Alice
“Have you ever considered moving to London?” Olivia
“Yeah,” he chuckled. “I have actually. But I’m super
close with my family and I couldn’t do that to them. Tours are hard enough as
“That’s understandable,” you give him a small smile.
“So what do you ladies want to do on your last night
“Hmmm, movie night?” Alice suggested.
“Yes! Let’s have a Harry Potter marathon!” Olivia
“Do you have the Harry Potter movies?” you asked.
Anth gasped and put a hand over his heart, “I am
truly offended that you even had to ask.”
Anth put in the first of eight and you four spent
the rest of the evening making jokes and reciting entire scenes.
As the fourth movie came to a close, you looked at
“Bloody hell, its two in the morning!” you laughed.
“We better get back and pack,” Alice said.
“Since when are you the responsible type?” Liv
giggled, earning a glare from the brunette.
“Do you guys need a ride to the airport?” Anth
“Thanks, but we’d hate for you to go out of or way.”
He laughed, “It’s no big deal, I promise.”
“Wanna help us pack too?” Alice said sarcastically.
“No, but I can keep you company if you like.”
“Sure!” Olivia said. “Let’s use the little time we
have left to our advantage.”
“We’re not dying, Liv.” You laughed.
“Who knew packing could be so fun?” you laughed as
you shoved a pair of shorts into your suitcase.
Anth had decided to show you girls his playlist;
which was lit as hell. You all began singing while he watched you three back
Anth paused the music, “Its 10:30, you girls should
probably be at the airport by now.”
“Just a few more things!” Olivia said, cramming a
few more souvenirs into her bag.
“Here,” Alice laughed, grabbing one of the bags. “I
can put it in my bag.”
“Thanks,” she sighed.
“C’mon, you’re gonna be lateeeeeeeee.” Anth whined,
already halfway out the door.
The ride to the airport was also filled with many
good songs. Once you got the airport, the goodbye to Anth was sadder than you
“Thank you,” you cried into Anth’s shoulder. “For
trying to help us.”
“Of course,” he hugged you tighter.
After you finally let go of your American friend,
you three silently walked to your gate. None of you wanted to leave, but you
all three wanted nothing more to be home. The flight back home was filled with
sleeping. Alice and Olivia slept the entire way, except for small bathroom
breaks. But you, you only slept for a little bit. After a tiny power nap, your
mind was racing. You thought of all the things you could do when you got off
the plane. But only one stuck out.
You had to see Conor.
“Do you guys want to go to my place, and just chill
before we get back into our daily routine?” Alice asked as you three waited for
“I’m down as long as you have wine and pizza,”
“Sure, but I have to go somewhere before that.”
You rolled your eyes sarcastically, “I wonder…”
“Do you want us to go with you?” Olivia gave you a heartfelt
“No, this is something I need to do on my own,” you
said. “But thank you.”
“Anytime,” she winked.
The Uber ride to Alice’s was normal. You girls
quietly chatted until the car had arrived at her place.
“Alright, I’ll be back soon.” you said to the girls and
gave the Uber address Conor’s address. The nerves started to rise in your
stomach as you grew closer to the apartment. You had no idea what was to come.
You walked up the stairs to his floor and slowly
walked to his door. You knocked, and stepped back, heart beating faster than
The door opened and Jack Maynard stood there, a smile
quickly approaching his lips.
“So you’re the girl my brother went to America for,”
he chuckled, leaving against the door frame.
“Yeah, uh is he here?”
“Yep,” he said, opening the door and motioning for
you to come in.
“Conor!” he shouted. “Someone’s here for you!”
You followed him into the living room where Josh was
sat on the couch, controller in hand.
“Oh. My. God. You’re her?”
“Yeah…” you said slowly, who else knows about you
Literally everyone, you dumbass.
“Who could possibly be here to see me?” Conor
laughed from the hallway.
You and Jack turned around, watching his expression
It went from comical, to confusion, to sadness but then
settled on anger.
“What do you want?” he said coldly.
You were slightly taken aback, “I want to talk.”
“Why?” he crossed his arm.
“I think you know why,” you looked at him, your
heart breaking into a million pieces.
“Fine,” he said and led you to the balcony.
“What do you have to say?” he scolded.
“Okay. First of all, you can lose the attitude. And second
of all, I want you to explain.”
“Explain what?” he asked.
“I just want to hear your side of the story.”
“I don’t have one,” he said simply.
“So you can’t tell me why you did what you did? Why you
flew all the way to bloody America for me, but then left before actually apologizing?”
“No,” he sighed. “I was just confused. I was
jealous, but then I relished that I fucked up. But then I saw you with the
other dude. And I just got so angry.”
“What other dude? Clayton?” you asked.
“I don’t know how he is. He was on your Instagram,
and he was obviously into you. I just felt unwanted.”
“Really?!?! YOU felt unwanted? Are you fucking
kidding me???” you yelled at him. “You treated me like actual shit but got
pissed off when I wasn’t still hung up on you! You’re literally the epitome of
a fuckboy, yet I can’t help being in love with you! You piss me off more than
anything in the world yet you were the first person that I wanted to see when I
landed! So don’t you dare say that
you felt unwanted?”
“You gave me mixed signals! You would seem interested
but when you had picture of you kissing a guy! How was I supposed to know if
you were interested or not!!”
“What picture of me kissing someone?”
“The one with the balloon where you’re on his back!”
“Oh my god,” you laughed, yet you were far from
showing humor. “That’s my fucking brother, which you would know if you bothered
to get to know me!”
He stepped towards you, “I tried! You were the one
who got short with me!” he poked you in the chest.
Jack opened the door to the balcony, “Mate, back up.”
“Stay out of this Jack!” he yelled, yet his eyes
stayed looked with yours. “You said something. Say it again.” His features
“Which part?” you asked.
“The part where you say you love me,” he said,
turning his pointed finger into a flat palm, he wanted to feel your heartbeat.
“I am so incredibly in love with you Conor Maynard.”
“I’m in love with you too, Y/n.” he smiled. “Can I kiss
You giggled, “Of course.”
After you two awkwardly went back into his flat and
awkwardly said goodbye to Josh and Jack, you headed over to Alice’s.
You were all lounged around her living room, a
pointless show playing in the background.
Conor was deep into an awkward fan story when there
was a knock at the door.
“I’ll get it,” Olivia said.
“No! Alice should,” you smiled.
“Wow thanks.” She rolled her eyes but got up
you mouthed at Liv who gave you a questioning look. You two and Conor followed
the brunette to the door.
She opened the door and froze. Liv did the same, yet
you were smiling ear to ear.
Fierrochase week, day six: alternative fandoms au (Voltron)
Summary: When Team Voltron visits an alien planet to talk negotiations, Alex and Magnus decide to go for a little walk, nothing dangerous, just a walk. … except Alex gets hit by an alien flower that makes her fall for the first person she sees. And who might that be? Magnus. Of-fucking-course.
Don’t complain about the title, please, I know it’s cheesy as hell but it was either that or Alien Flower Love Drugs so I flipped a coin and this is the title you get. Anyway, Lovebug (or flower) au, because I love writing Alex as a shameless flirt and Magnus almost having a heart attack because his crush is flirting with him. I hope you like this!
It all started with that fucking flower.
Team Voltron was currently staying at one of the planets that had decided to join them in their fight against the Garla. The planet was the most forest-y place Magnus had ever seen, it was like an ecologist’s paradise, just plants and trees and flowers as far as the eye could see (which wasn’t that far considering the thick foliage, but still.) Sam, Blitzen and Hearthstone were talking with the planet’s Elder Council about battle plans and politics and things Magnus or the rest of the team didn’t have the patience for, so they decided to leave the politics to the Black Paladin and the last Alteans and explore the planet’s capitol. You say they’re lazy, Magnus says they’re connecting with their new allies (and being lazy).
Magnus and the other Paladins walked around the city’s central square. They were looking up so much their necks were cranking up, but it was worth it. Every single building in the city was a tree, as thick as a skyscraper and as tall as two of them stacked on top of each other. Their orange, purple, pink and green leaves cast beautiful shadows on the ground and the monkey-like people that walked around them. Houses and shops were somehow sculpted inside the trees without stopping them from growing and stairwells, ladders and ridges led to all the different doors and balconies dotting the trees’ trunks. Ladders and walkways connected the trees with the platforms floating above their heads, reminding Magnus of mystical treehouse cities from movies on steroids.
Soon, the group found themselves walking on those same platforms, several feet above the ground. T.J dragged the Green and Blue Paladins to a food cart selling whatever food people here ate and Halfborn was examining the food with interest while Mallory was trying her best to sneak away before they made her try it. That left Magnus with Alex, the Red Lion’s Paladin looking at the vines climbing the sides of the trees like she wanted to grab one and Tarzan her way around the city. Magnus wouldn’t be surprised if she did that.
“I wonder what’s at the top of these trees,” Alex mumbled out loud. Her eyes were trained on the foliage of a pink-leafed tree and Magnus had to remind himself once more not to stare because they’ve already had that conversation and he doesn’t need his crush asking him again why he was staring. It’s because she’s beautiful and he’s weak, that’s why.
“I dunno,” the Yellow Paladin said. “Maybe more shops? Or maybe there’s nothing up there because it’s so high.”
“I want to find out! Come on!” Alex exclaimed as she grabbed his hand and dragged him along, her eyes sparkling in that familiar way that let Magnus know something was about to go surprisingly well or horribly wrong.
Charlie shifted from his position lying on Matteusz’s chest, they like to lie like that on Charlie’s bed sometimes, not talking just sitting in comfortable silence.
“What do you mean?” He blinked up at Matteusz. He hated not understanding all of the things that came so easily to all of the others, he normally would have googled it but he thought it might be a bit odd to abandon the conversation to go on his phone.
“Your birthday. The day you were born. Don’t tell me they didn’t celebrate birthdays on Rhodia”
“No of course we did, but our calendar is- was completely different to earths, for one thing our year was much longer. And plus I imagine they are different here on earth”
“Oh.” Matteusz has adjusted to their differences but it was still a bit jarring when things that seemed fundamentally universal were different on Rhodia. “What were birthdays celebrated on your planet then?”
“I wouldn’t really call it a celebration, for us birthdays were merely a reminder of our own mortality”
“That sounds cheery.” Matteusz didn’t quite know what to say, the way Charlie talks about Rhodia makes the place seem like a paradise but the little details like this makes it obvious that Charlie is seeing the planet through rose tinted glasses. Matteusz isn’t proud of it but he can’t help but be kind of glad Charlie isn’t there anymore, obviously he’s not happy they all died but he knows that Charlie wasn’t happy there. “Well on earth people have parties, eat cake, and people give them presents. It’s a happy occasion.”
“That sounds fun.” Charlie looked down at his lap, part of him felt broken when his friends told him about thing that were different on earth, everything seems so free and joyful here, and he’s still programmed with the harsh, cold sensibilities of his people. Sensing his boyfriends sadness, Matteusz moved closer to Charlie and wrapped his arms arounds him pulling him back into his chest.
“Well how about we choose a birthday for you then? You shouldn’t have to miss out.” He mumbled into Charlie’s hair.
“I can just choose my own birthday?”
“Well nobody is going to stop you. So when do you want to have your birthday?”
That’s Charlie’s favourite thing about Matteusz he always lets Charlie make decisions for himself, and after years of everyone telling him where to go, what to say and what to where that’s exactly what he needs.
“How about September 17th”
“What’s so special about September 17th?” He sat up surprised at Charlie’s answer.
“That’s was my first day at Coalhill, the first day I met you.” He looked away from Matteusz, embarrassed. Matteusz leaned forward and kissed him on the forehead.
“I think that’s a great idea.”
I’m still ill so you still get to deal with my terrible writing. Suffer. Again set sometime before the lost because I don’t want to deal with the angst fest that comes with post ep 8 Charlie and Matteusz.
Double suns and moons show up everyday, their appearance once alarming but now normal. No one really gave a second thought about it when it showed up for the 5th time in a month.
The suns scorch the ground, not allowing anything to grow except in a greenhouse. Temperatures rose greatly, making some places like California unbearable to live in. Antarctica melted, creating a cool paradise for people to live in. Most people moved there, the place thriving because of the cool conditions.
However, in the city of Brighton, an Irish YouTuber had problems…
“I can’t do this.” The loud green haired Irish man paced around in his kitchen, his hands trembling. All the knifes had blood on them, but there was no blood shed from himself. He didn’t remember doing anything, and he certainly didn’t get drunk. What did he do…? He shook his head, throwing on a white lab coat on top of his black jeans and blue top. He rushed out the door, pinning a name tag on his pocket.
“Sean- Lab Researcher.”
He continued to his garage, sliding in his silver car. The car door slammed shut, turning the key to start the car. He gripped the steering wheel, his knuckles turning a ghostly pale. His entire face was a ghostly pale color.
He knew what he had to do, and it wasn’t going to be pretty.
He parked his car, running towards the lab. He pushed open the large doors, putting a PIN Code in. The lock beeped, unlocking a set of doors. He continued towards an elevator, co-workers staring as he ran through the building. He pushed the ‘Down’ arrow repeatedly, hoping it’ll come sooner.
The elevator doors opened, the small lift empty. He walked in, pushing a few buttons inside. The lift closed, speeding down the lab. He held onto the railings, in fear of falling down.
The doors opened to reveal a dark lab, lit by testing chambers that glowed a green hue. He rushed out, looking for a bottle and a syringe. He pushed a few papers around, knocking a few files down. He continued on his search to find the bottle, as he found a syringe.
“Perfect,” His face lit up as he started putting the syringe in a green florescent liquid. “I-I’m sorry, Signe..” He muttered to himself as he closed his eyes, pushing the needle in his arm. He let out a high pitched scream, his entire body shutting down. He hit the floor, a loud thud like thunder sounded.
A weekend jaunt. In pictures…and a bit of fanfic too…
We spent Good Friday on a driving tour of the Western Cape wine region. There is a lovely mapped out “Wine Route” that takes you to some of the loveliest locations in a convertible that was kindly put on loan to us though AudiUK. Driving through such beautiful countryside in that open car with the warm sun and wind in our faces was sooo relaxing. And the wine wasn’t too bad either in the little, out of the way winery we stopped in for a late lunch. Just as the sun set we stopped in the pass overlooking Franschhoek and snapped a pic of the hubby standing in front of the car and then got back on the road right quick to get on to our destination for the rest of the long weekend: Grootbos Nature Preserve.
After a late breakfast together at Grootbos, I spent Saturday lounging in the room and reading whilst the hubs went on a 4x4 safari in the nature preserve that surrounds this lovely spa like setting. After a leisurely dinner together, as we got ready for bed on Saturday we decided to share a bit of our weekend with the fans. I posted a shot of the beautiful view outside our bedroom window I took that afternoon, and hubs chose the Audi pic from yesterday; it wouldn’t do to have both from exactly the same place- we are supposed to be only friends after all lol! And the hubs said that he made sure to tag his pic as being from the one town in wine country we didn’t visit. Let them all look for that car, and those license numbers, all over Stellensbosch- both the car, and us, are long gone to the coast by now.
Grootbos was amazing. It was a great choice as we each got the chance to do what we wanted- me to rest, and hubs to be active- in the same place. And the food, oh the food, it was excellent. And the scenery, well, it speaks for itself, the place is like paradise. And very discreet too, I felt completely comfortable posting that pic knowing that the security here would prevent any who did identify that view; and there would be many who did- it’s well published on previous guest’s IG’s after all- from interrupting the rest of our stay here until Monday in any way.
It was truly a lovely weekend! And now, it’s back to work!!
I’m gonna change the format for this a bit and go for a line-by-line analysis instead because I feel like that’s what would work the most when dealing with that Baam-Rachel scene. Also, lots of references to their Train City reunion.
“Karaka is coming soon!! He’ll take away the piece of the thorn if he captures you!!”
From the get-go, we see Rachel’s motivation for heading towards Baam. For a long time, Rachel has wanted Baam to stop chasing after her. But then, in Hell Train, there was a shift in her actions that it seemed like she wants Baam to continue chasing. And now we see it was because they needed Baam in order to fulfill their plan. They wanted to let Baam find the piece of the thorn for them and then swoop in to steal it at the last moment.
“Rachel.. the reason you’re telling me to run away isn’t because you’re worried about me. But because you’re concerned that Karaka might take away the piece of the Thorn”
Baam, unlike when they met at the end of Train City, is now in a calmer state of mind to process everything. Instead of deluding himself that Rachel still has good reasons for doing all of these, Baam decides to look at her head on. A lot of time has passed since Train City which also gave Baam time to think about him and Rachel. Before the Train City reunion, Baam must’ve been deluding himself that Rachel couldn’t have betrayed him just like that. That she must have a valid reason like, say, being controlled by FUG the same way he was being used as a Slayer candidate. However, during the mess that was Train City, he finally realized the gravity of Rachel’s ambition is to her. He can see how much it means to her to the point of doing all of these and he can now accept that he will never be as important to her as she is to him.
“If I listen to you and give up everything like this, will we return to the old days? I would be happy enough if I could. But would you, Rachel?”
Baam saying he would be happy enough if they could go back to the old days but then questioning if the same would be true for Rachel is such a nice contrast to Train City’s “We were happy back there… just being you and me / let’s go back to that place where we were happy”. Even when they’ve been in the cave for so long, Baam has never understood Rachel’s desire for the stars. But what’s worse is that he ended up projecting on her the things he values, expecting her to value the same things he does. To Baam, nothing is more important to Rachel that he expected her to be the same way to him. But now, he thinks of her separately from him and takes into consideration what Rachel wants and how she feels.
“I.. have a reason to go”
And then Rachel glares. For a long time, Baam’s reason has always involved Rachel. But now, Baam is starting to separate himself from her. And something must’ve triggered this sudden change in him.
<image of Baam riding the Blue Oar>
THE PARALLELS WITH TRAIN CITY IS JUST!!! Baam riding his Blue Oar and Rachel riding the Navigator as they leave the other
Rachel knows the clue about the princess was about the thorn. But she also knows that the thorn is related to Arlen. That must be why she wants to know Baam’s reason so much, if it really was related to Arlen. If Baam now knows about Rachel’s relation to her and how, all his life, how could Rachel never even once mentioned her to him?
“That place where we lived wasn’t like a paradise, wasn’t it? [..] I know you despised that place. But because you were there, that place was paradise for me..”
Again, just to reinforce what I have written above. Rachel’s presence alone makes any place paradise to Baam. But that wasn’t the case for Rachel and him realizing this is what enables him to let go (even if it hurts)
“That’s why I’m going to find it so that everyone in this place can become truly happy. A real paradise!”
Baam says this as he breaks Rachel’s barrier. As he severs his ties with Rachel. As he goes after a purpose that is entirely separate from her. Symbolically, it’s similar to Rachel’s push(es) but also fundamentally different.
During the first push, Rachel wanted Baam to have nothing to do with her journey anymore. A complete severing of ties. During the second push, Baam wanted Rachel to give him reasons. However, Rachel just kept on going “this is not a place for you to go up” not giving Baam any concrete answers (aside from telling him that the stars mean more to her than he could ever be) to keep him going. If she had any choice, Rachel wouldn’t want anything to do anymore with Baam but she needed him for her goals and so she must have Baam keep on climbing.
Finally, we get to this scene which I fondly call the reverse “push”. Baam is “pushing” himself away from Rachel but he says “everyone in this place” and everyone still includes her. He may be severing ties with Rachel but he still truly wants her to be happy. Even if her happiness means he can’t be with her anymore.
(Not related to Rachel and I know Baam’s idea of paradise is where everyone is happy and him together with them but damn do I feel really apprehensive when he said that)
Thank you, Christina, for making my life full of you. I know I will never again meet anyone like you.
But you have left behind so many buddies who have been influenced by you, and you have shaped their hearts. You were a role model for so many. I will look for you in them.
I will also find you in moments of humility, when I see someone great detract attention from themselves, because they view pride as their darkest enemy.
I will find you in moments of pure bliss and laughter, when a laugh is so infectious, that everyone else around them needs to smile, too. When someone truly loves life.
I will find you in the girls who don’t peak in high school, the girls who see beyond peer pressure and what’s “cool,” and decide for themselves what is cool. The girls who go on to be stars.
With that being said, I will find you in people who are “truly” cool, but want to spend time with a kind of nerd at heart like me. You’re a nerd too, but of course, you are an exceptionally cool one.
I will find you in people who for some reason decide to stay by my side for well over a decade.
I will find you when I feel someone cheering me on. Who, while watching Shark Tank with me, without me even saying anything, will look at me, and tell me that you’ll go on with me one day to be the spokesperson of whatever I create. Not an if, but a when.
I will find you in pure, natural, awe-inspiring talent. I will find you in extremely hard workers, as well.
I will find you in people who seek truth relentlessly, who are not willing to accept an easy answer, but want to know what God truly says about life.
I will find you in a Dairy Queen ice-cream while walking along the boardwalk, feeling like the breeze has placed you in temporary paradise.
I will find you in people who miss you, and decide that a very important meeting needed to be brushed aside in order to take advantage of a long-wanted, long-distance phone call.
I will find you when I feel like I matter. When I feel like I’m special. The way you made me feel.
I will find you in every leaf on a tree (seriously), every Nintendo game, Japanese reference, ice farm, every belt in a song, every vocal run, every musician who decides to go outside the box and crushes it, in cool shoes, in relentless and steady love, in every baby (seriously), in most colors, in ice cream, in a song from an early 2000’s vocal powerhouse, at the beach, in beautiful effects lighting up a room, in corny kids movies, in being quiet with a friend, doing our own thing, but together, in all things cute and small. In the light of someone’s eyes when they are extremely passionate about what they’re doing. In helping a friend. In a big hug after a long separation.
You are the greatest friend I could’ve ever asked for, and the greatest example of what a friend should be. You had love written all over every move you made. It hurts how much I miss you.
I often find myself frustrated with the amount I miss you, with what I want to share with you. I know it is because the friendship that I shared with you was far from the usual. My heart aches, but I know that I am beyond blessed, so, so gifted, with you. I sit back, and I can’t believe it, that I had the chance to have you in my life. I cannot put this strongly enough, that I cannot wait to see you again. I want to keep cheering you on and supporting you, so I always will.
Don’t let go of good times and let the bad ones know// wear your heart out on your sleeve. Love is all you need.
(At 2:45 in this video [ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-XFBT5iAA44 ], Christina made a face that she had made since we were young. It captures the essence of her: joyful, while a lil shy. Also, the first photo of Christina: I held on to this one from our “photoshoot” years ago, as she was just rising on YouTube. I thought this photo was also extremely “Christina.”)