no ones online i should probably post this later but ugh oh well

Control Ch. 3

This chapter is lighter, no smut, nothing too dramatic, just Jumin and MC getting tense. I’ll be back a little later to post some slightly smutty scenarios. Hope you still enjoy this!


You turn your head to find Seven and a soft smirk. You scoff lightly.

“You know damn well what I’ve been up to, Seven.”

“Yeah… I just wanted to brag a little. Go on, tell everybody.”

“Tell what?” Jaehee asks, confused.

“I just started this internship at this publicity agency. Seven might have or might have not sent my résumé to them, since I don’t remember sending one myself.”

“You need to start eating food with omega 3 to stimulate your memory, MC, you’re too young to keep forgetting things.” He smiles teasingly, you just roll your eyes and smile, the first true smile of the day.

                                                   ***

“There’s something I’ve been wondering if you’d be willing to try.” He says, looking down, you swear he is even blushing a little.

“Go on, tell me.” You say, your hand grabs his in reassurance.

“Remember when you told me I should research things that can be of my interest in bed? I did a little one…”

“Okay. And?”

“Well, I’ve been interested in bondage, MC. Do you… do you know what bondage is?”

“I do, yeah… what about it?”

“I… right, just… know I don’t want to hurt you, MC. And it’s not about restraining you or… it’s just…”

“Having me under your control.”

He lets out a breathless chuckle. “Exactly. I… hope you don’t get me wrong on this, my love.”

“Jumin, honey… it’s fine. Don’t feel bad for taking interest in new things and wanting to try them. Stop repressing yourself, you did this for too long now…” now your both hands hold his. “So, uhm… what will you use to tie my wrists?”

This moment earned a new meaning to Jumin as months passed by. It used to be a sweet memory, the exact time when he knew that no matter what, he could be comfortable on his own skin when you were around, you made him feel comfortable, adequate, normal… happy for having someone who could understand him and support him.

Now, it’s a reminder of how stupid he was over you, it was a warning about who you really were, and he was so caught up under your spell he didn’t even notice. His lack of good sense hit exponential numbers when it concerned you, and maybe still does, since the first thing he did when you walked in that hall for that party was saying huskly “We need to talk”, dragging you to the closest empty room and… well, not talking at all.

But… what would he even talk about? He said it all that night you left, you probably said everything as well. You were scared of him, you lied and he couldn’t forgive you for lying. Neither of you could trust each other. Period.

So why is he still thinking about this? Why did his body claim yours so naturally in that room? Why watching you smile sweetly and laugh of Yoosung takes him back immediately back to that afternoon you showed up at his penthouse and introduced yourself as MC from the messenger?

“You missed this too, huh?” V comes behind him and rocks his shoulder playfully, waking him up from the trance. “RFA parties.” He explains, almost guessing Jumin was wondering if he was talking about something else.

“This isn’t a RFA party, it’s a C & R event.”

“Well, it’s a party, RFA is all here, so… no, but come to think of it, the guest list wasn’t in charge of the guest’s list coordinator, so yeah, it’s not a RFA party even though the whole RFA is here after a long time.”

“RFA and an intruder. Why did you invite her?”

“I told you. I wanted to call a meeting for RFA members. Last time I checked, MC is still a member.”

“Because Luciel didn’t delete her user from the server, even though she doesn’t log in for months.”

“Oh, so you noticed too?” he grins, and Jumin rolls his eyes. How couldn’t he notice, you were online in almost every chat before… all that.

“I don’t want her here, Jihyun. After everything she did, I…”

“Yes, but you see, you keep not telling me what she did that was so despicable, so… if I don’t know, I can’t judge, so she’s welcome here. And I’m not the only one who thinks that.”

Jumin watches as everybody in that table is laughing, even Jaehee, he rarely sees her smiling so genuinely, of course you are playing a role in this.

“Knowing you, you wouldn’t judge her even if I told you what she did.”

“Try me.”

“Nice try. I… I don’t even want to think of this again, so forget it.”

“I will. But then you can’t complain about having her here. Come on, let’s mingle.”

Jumin walks to that table as if his shoes are stuffed with iron, he’s almost dragging himself there, feeling completely inappropriate as your back is getting closer, the same back he had against his body some minutes ago… ugh… how can something so good at the moment make him feel so nauseous a little later?

“Finally! I was wondering if you guys left!” Zen greets them with a teasing tone.

“Of course not, we were just playing hosts, maybe you all should do the same. This is a RFA event, even though it doesn’t look like one.”

“We will, we will, after we catch up on MC’s life a little…” Yoosung shrugs and doesn’t even look at V. You chuckle, some things haven’t changed…

“I told you. There’s nothing much! I started at this internship. Yes, Seven, thank you.”

“My pleasure.” He raises his Dr. Pepper can.

“And uhm… well, I’m working on my term paper, as I’m about to graduate and… that’s pretty much it.”

“Yeah, yeah… we heard about this already. What about your love life, MC?” Seven gags on his Dr. Pepper, Yoosung and Jaehee stop breathing. You knew this was coming, Zen wouldn’t waste an opportunity to make Jumin uncomfortable, he doesn’t even know what happened, but he definitely took your side, and he probably waited for this moment in a while, you can even imagine him rehearsing this exact line.

“I see you’re still smooth, Zen. If you want to ask me out, just do so.” Zen gasps a little, then he blushes and looks away. You smile in satisfaction, and though you cannot see him, you’re pretty sure Jumin is smirking a little too… not that you care, you just can’t let Zen use you to affect Jumin.

“I’m glad you’re catching up, but I think we should take this moment that everybody is together to discus about the elephant in the room.” V says bluntly.

“Yes, RFA’s future.” Jaehee states, taking a sip of her wine.

“What future? We haven’t even discussed hosting parties after MC… left.” Seven says while typing on his phone.

“And now she’s here, that makes me assume she’s willing to… go back to her duty.”

You knew this subject would be brought up eventually, but you didn’t really prepare yourself for a definitive answer, which is probably what V wants.

“I would want to put this for a voting.” Jumin says looking at his wine.

“Put what for a voting?” you turn your head like your worst enemy is ready to stab you on your back.

“Your permanence as RFA guest list’s coordinator.” His eyes meet yours, all you see is coldness.

“I see. Putting it for a vote implies you have grounds on why I shouldn’t stay.”

“I was about to get there. Yes, I do. My grounds are that you were absent from your duty for half a year, which makes you unqualified for this job.”

“I logged in to that chatroom almost every day. There was nothing about a party, so I decided to focus on college.”

“And on work?” he asks bluntly, but only you can sense the judgmental tone.

“Yes. You got a problem with that?”

“What you do with your life is none of my concerns, MC.”

“Thank you, so you do admit putting it for a vote is pathetic.” You turn your back on him. What is this taste rising in your mouth? Victory?

“I don’t think putting it for a vote is pathetic.” Seven says, his eyes finally look away from his phone. What the fuck? “I think it would be interesting, somehow.”

“Seriously? Why?”

“Well, V wants her to stay, and though V is our so called leader, decisions concerning RFA’s future should be decided for all RFA members. But that’s just what I think.” And he goes back to his phone. Oh… so this is not about you, this is about V. Everything has been about V with Seven ever since your first RFA party.

“Couldn’t agree more, Luciel.” V says, Seven doesn’t answer.

“Well… I think we have a good fair of members who want this voting…” Jaehee says carefully, but when she says “great amount” you know she means “V”, sometimes you think she respects him more than her own boss. “I won’t oppose.”

“Fair enough. Let’s put it for a vote, then.Oh, and since I’m in trial here, apparently, I’ll abstain my voting.” You say, you didn’t want to come off so salty, but it’s impossible.

“I think MC should stay.”

“Me too.” Zen and Yoosung don’t even think, they just answer. Gogh, you missed Yoosung so much! And Zen… is obviously trying to make it up for trying to use you before. You know his intentions are always good, but if Jumin is in the way, he lacks a little bit of good sense… hum, funny, you could be easily describing yourself  right now.

“I’ll… abstain myself.” Jaehee says looking down, then she throws a quick glance to you. And, with that, you know you have her loyalty, but… she can’t really compromise herself with her boss like this. You glance back and smile at her in reassurance. No words need to be exchanged between you.

“I vote for her to leave, as I explained my reason before.”

“Reasons would imply that you’re being reasonable, Jumin. Which is not the case.” You mutter.

“I… also vote for MC to leave.” V says. What? Oh… you might have his assistant’s loyalty, but of course you wouldn’t have his best friend’s. And V probably knows all Jumin’s side on this. Ugh… that’s so stupid.

“Okay, so It’s a tie. Seven has the deciding vote.” Zen says, all the eyes in the table go straight to him.

Seven keeps typing without any expression in his face. At this point, you don’t even care what he decides, you have no clue on what he’s thinking! Even Jumin is easier to read for you.

Do you want to stay? Do you want to leave? Is it worth staying in a group where two people don’t consider you welcome? But is it right that you leave just because one of these people is your childish scared of conflicts ex-fiancée? You… honestly don’t know.

“Luciel… what’s your vote?” Jaehee asks impatiently.

“Hmmm… what do you think I should vote for, MC?”


Chapter 4 will be out next week!  

Chapter 2 | Chapter 4 

INSIDE by Playdead

I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS GAME FOR SO LONG.

Plot-

Much like Limbo, INSIDE is just as mysterious from the start, though while playing, you get a lot more insight to what may be going on, but you don’t get any definitive explanations. It all starts when you press your first button. A boy with a red shirt, no face, and black pants slides down some rocks into what seems to be a wooded area. As you move through this place it quickly becomes apparent that there’s something really fucked up going on as the boy starts to hide from the men in masks that are seen around this place. It also becomes quickly apparent that the light is not your friend. It’s always comforting knowing that you are forced to be in the dark or you’ll die. Fun fun. But nothing in this game can make you fear the light more than you’ll fear the water.



As you are forced to escape these men in the masks, you slowly begin to realize that there are few things found alive other than these men and maybe a few feathered friends. The first dead creatures you encounter are on the outskirts of a farm where several dead pigs lay about in the streets or piled up on a cart that you so excitedly get to jump into at one point.


Weeee!


As you traverse this farm, trying to find your way through on a linear path, you realize what may have killed all the swine. In a small garden plot and sticking out of several orifices of the pigs laying around, you’ll see squirmy little parasites that, for some reason, don’t seem to have any interest in you whatsoever.



The deeper you go into this town the more fucked up things become. Not even just in the puzzle sense or the death sense, you come to realize that a whole lot more is going on and these government-like people are easily behind it all. Could this be a take on Area 51? Possibly. That would be insanely amazing actually. One can only imagine as there isn’t much to go on as you try and penetrate these vague secrets.


From mind control of a dead vessel to the marching of corpses through the streets of an abandoned town… all the way to horrific scientific experimentation. While I love me some scary games and fucked up happenings, this game made my stomach hurt and I loved every twinge of pain. This game grabs at your emotions and not in a way you would expect. You feel a sense of love and fear while playing this game. You feel a mixture of emotions FOR this game that make you feel like a terrible person. The reason being… Most of those emotions are super positive.


Controls-

I can’t have much to say here. I bought INSIDE on steam and I changed the controls to suit me.

As far as smoothness… this is a mediocre gamer’s wet dream. They take real physics to an extreme in this game.


Graphics and Gameplay-

No game will probably ever feel like this. You don’t normally get a feeling of dread or real fright from a game like you do this one. I bring to your attention again the phrase I just used: This is a gamer’s wet dream. While the graphics are very minimalist, the fluidity of movement in this game is incredible. One thing I would like to touch on… all over. I will touch on this point until it is deflowered completely. The fact that Playdead could make a faceless child have so much emotion packed into his tiny body is just incredible to me. The way he looks over at things and the way you can hear his scared shitless breathing and the way he hides… It is really incredible.


No game will probably ever feel like this. You don’t normally get a feeling of dread or real fright from a game like you do this one.


The underwater shots are incredible as well. Just look at that.


The physics in this game are probably the best I’ve ever seen. Not one time will you see evidence of anything non-realistic as far as weight distribution or falling/jumping animations. It is just… UGH I CAN’T GUSH ENOUGH OVER THIS GAME. IT. IS. INCREDIBLE.



My take on things-


This is a game everyone should play. I don’t care if you don’t like scary games or sidescrollers or you just plain don’t play games. This game needs to be appreciated by all. I am actually considering writing a fan fiction… I have to really obsess over something to write a fanfic about it. I may never write it but you can bet I’ll make sweet brain love to the idea.

I’m honestly surprised I didn’t get as mad at this game as I thought I would. I was more nervous to the point where I needed to take a break or I was going to barf. This game… it’s just messed up. If it wasn’t for the Game Grumps playthrough I probably wouldn’t have made it through this game.


If I had to give any hints or tips about this game here is what I would tell you…

  1. The light is bad. Avoid the light. If there is another way you can go to avoid the light, do it.
  2. Don’t be too hasty. It may torture you the entire time but you need to take your time a lot in this game. Sometimes… you won’t find the answer until you wait a few seconds.
  3. Sometimes… you have to be caught.


After playing through this game, I would have to say that I love going online to discussions and seeing what other people’s theories for this game are. I have found one that I am particularly fond of. I may even post a few good theories I’ve found a little later on. 


I highly recommend this game to everyone, everyone’s mother, grandmother, newborn babies, and pets.

This game is just… incredible. Oh… and don’t forget about the secret alternate ending. Winkity wink wink.

wherecanilowerthestupidity  asked:

Um, if you feel comfortable and have the time, could you write one where how the RFA + Saeran and V react to MC coming out as ftm trans? I understand if it's outside of your comfort zone and it's totally fine if you don't want to do it. Thank you.

Just so you all know: I will most likely never turn down a LGBTQ+ request, because I am proudly a pansexual, and I’m maybe 96% sure that I’m not cisgender. Requests like this don’t make me uncomfortable whatsoever, and I’m happy to write things like it! These will also be in different situations like MC coming out after they’ve been dating and MC coming out to them before they transition outwardly. I’m also going to give warnings for one slur, a panic attack, and dysphoria. Stay safe, nerds.

Also! I promise that I’ll V and Saeran later, but they’re not in this post for the time being. Soon, though!



Yoosung: (Set at the party, no eye issues, though)


  • Okay, yeah, he would probably know someone in person that wasn’t cisgender in real life
  • If he left the dorm outside of classes
  • But internet friends were much easier to talk to for him so he probably knew someone that was trans
  • You were trying to convince yourself that it was all going to be fine while getting ready
  • Even if you couldn’t properly come out, he most likely wouldn’t question your choice of suit over dress to the party
  • While the chat room was under the impression that you were a girl, including Seven because you weren’t properly out yet, you were going to present yourself as who you are now, not who you were born as
  • You had just arrived when Jaehee and Zen greeted you, and they were slightly surprised that you were MC, but you were just using this as fuel
  • “Could either of you tell me where Yoosung is?” “Right here!” he said as he practically popped up in between the other two hosts, “Who might you be?”
  • Wiping your palms on your slacks before holding out a hand to shake, you spoke determinedly “I’m MC, Yoosung, hope this isn’t that surprising, me being a guy and all”
  • You flashed a quick smile, partially out of greeting and partially for how your name sounded rolling off your tongue
  • “O-oh? No, it’s not surprising. Wait, no! I didn’t mean that in a bad way, of course. I just, yeah, okay, I’ll stop talking” “It’s alright, I know what you mean. I wasn’t exactly open about everything in the chat room”
  • By this point, Zen had already been whisked off by a guest and Jaehee was attending to some problem that came up
  • Yoosung just nodded a bit trying to figure out what to say
  • “I’m really sorry that everyone kept referring to you as a girl and misgendering you. I promise I won’t in the future! Is he/him alright?”
  • You brightened up instantly and nodded while letting out a breath you weren’t aware of holding
  • “So is this,” you gestured to yourself, “Alright? I just don’t know since I’m not a girl and you’re probably not int-“ “I don’t care about that, MC. Well, I care about how you feel about yourself, but I don’t care how you dress or what name you use. Wait! O-obviously, it more than that, but you know what I mean. It doesn’t matter to me what gender you are, ‘cause I fell for MC, the person, not MC, the strictly-a-girl.”
  • This was far more than you could ask for and you kept saying thank to which he just replied with “It’s all okay. You don’t need to thank me for not being a jerk”
  • The two of you went around the party together with you introducing yourself as the coordinator and him as your boyfriend
  • When you went off to talk to others, he would tell everyone who you were if they asked
  • “Yoosung, who did you greet at the door?” “Jumin, that’s MC, my boyfriend” “MC is a-?” “Yep, and I’ll fight you if you say anything bad” “I was not going to, and I have my guards anyways. I was only confused, not being a douche” “Oh, okay! Could you maybe have some of your guards kick any guests that act homophobic or transphobic out?” “Most definitely. Yoosung, you should go by MC. They look quite bored”
  • Yoosung was already walking away before he gave a “Thanks, Jumin!”
  • The both of you continued walking around the party before you had to leave for the day with Yoosung making threats to anyone and everyone that gave the two of you odd looks
  • Later in your relationship, Yoosung started taking you to GSA meetings that his campus held if you wanted to go
  • Would also go to pride with you if you wanted
  • Introduced you to some of his online friends that were also trans
  • Forever introduced you as his boyfriend or later, his husband as long as you were okay with it

Zen: (Set already in a relationship and transitioned. Warning for a censored slur in the sixth bullet point)


  • When you had first came to his home when he got hurt, Zen had no clue that you weren’t a girl, but he didn’t care
  • He honestly thought it was Seven just playing a joke when you first came onto the messenger
  • Flash forward to the two of you now, sitting on the couch eating popcorn while yelling at the idiots in a horror movie he was in a while ago
  • “Okay, but that dialogue was written horribly, Zen” “You should’ve seen the set directions, that was worse” “How do you top ‘I really hope that Ouija board wasn’t real, because I dropped my knife’ while you were alone? Your character was just speaking in the third person! And then they got fucking mangled, and that was just poor foreshadowing” “Yeah, true”
  • The conversation went on until it switched over to gossip about the actors working on his current set
  • “Has anyone gotten fired yet?” “Yeah, there was this PA that called the costume designer a t****y, and she was out of there faster than light. Ugh, that disgusted me. Delgado, the designer, is a really good person, and he sure as hell didn’t deserve that”
  • You bristled slightly at that word, and it made you uncomfortable that it came from his mouth
  • “I know you were just quoting, but could you please not say that word?”
  • Zen looked slightly confused and went on to speak “Yes, of course. Is there a particular reason? Not, not that I need one; I’m just curious”
  • Leaning back into the couch, you thought a bit about what you were going to say
  • You hadn’t told him for fear of rejection, but he just spoke well of a colleague that he implied was trans, so it couldn’t be too bad
  • Sitting back up to properly look at him, you spoke with a note of uncertainty, “Yes, actually. I’m transgender, female to male. It’s why Seven thought I was a girl, since he only looked at my medical records. I haven’t legally changed anything yet, since I didn’t have the money to” “MC! I’m so so sorry for saying that word! I didn’t mean to make you feel uncomfortable at all. I should’ve known not to in front of my own boyfriend”
  • Perking up a bit at ‘boyfriend’, you exclaimed, “Really? You’re completely fine with it?” “Yes, of course, I am. There’s no reason for me to not be. I work in the entertainment industry, and I’ve been acquainted with people of all sorts. It doesn’t bug me if your driver’s license has an F instead of an M as long as it doesn’t bug you”
  • You could have thanked him a whole bunch, you just rushed to hug him instead
  • When you pulled back after a minute or two, you looked at him questioningly
  • “Do you think the press will talk about it a lot if I out myself?” “They always talk, but I’ll make sure that it’s not negative” “Thank you, maybe I can say something next time you have an event I get to attend” “That sounds great, MC. You’re an amazing boyfriend that’s incredibly brave!” “Zen, I’m just existing” “Which can be really hard”
  • In the future, he started advocating for trans positive organizations and donating as much money as he could to any shelters
  • Would have you help him make sure everything was worded correctly and speak with him
  • “There’s no reason for me to speak over you, MC, but I sure as hell will speak with you”
  • Surprised you with the forms and money to change everything you could legally on your anniversary
  • Started saving up money for you to get any surgeries or start T if you wanted to

Jaehee: (set in a relationship where MC hasn’t come out yet, but has been passing as male)

  • She came home from work ranting about an incident that happened with an intern earlier that day
  • “I can’t believe how they could say something like that, MC!” “Who, where, and what. I wanna hear this now” “There was this new kid starting his internship today, and he walked into my office as if we were friends, and started talking bad about another coworker. It wasn’t just ‘Oh, she eats loudly’ or ‘She taps her desk a lot’. No, he called her, and I quote, ‘a pedophile just waiting to happen’ since she ‘looks like a transgender pig.’ How do you have the audacity to say things like that when you’re working for such a prestigious company?”
  • Jaehee was still going off while your head was buzzing with second-hand anger
  • You fumed without thinking if you were cutting her off “What the actual fuck? Did you report them? Please tell me you decked that dickhead. I want to personally file a complaint, and get them so screwed that they won’t be able to go home without wanting to cut out their tongue”
  • She stopped to listen to you, staying quiet because she hasn’t seen you this fired up about her work issues in a while
  • “MC? MC, is everything alright? If you’d like to know, I already told Mr. Han directly, and they’ve been fired and most likely expelled from the school they were attending. I was going to slap him, but someone from HR was walking by the door”
  • You stopped short, starting to go over what she said in your head
  • “What do you mean if I’m alright? You should be asking your coworker!” “You just seem like this is affecting you greatly” “Well, yes, its showing me that I can’t be respected in a workplace” “What do you mean? You can always be respe-oh”
  • oh
  • “Wait, did I never tell you?” “If we’re thinking the same thing, no” “I could’ve sworn that I told you” “Well, I don’t care about it, so don’t worry about it” “Alright” “Alright”
  • Now you felt like an idiot
  • You were sure that you came out to her a while ago
  • She never really brought it up much after that
  • If you chose to bind, she’d always make sure you were doing it safely
  • Jaehee would send you articles about laws getting passed and about pride events that were near you
  • Would also send you lists of foods that lowered estrogen and increased testosterone
  • Definitely would not hesitate to slap the next person that made a remark
  • She may’ve would up sitting in a meeting with Jumin on how you can’t hit people and to tell him first to take care of it nonviolently
  • dAMMIT, JAEHEE

Jumin: (route spoilers, set when MC is staying with him along with the party and hasn’t come out to anyone yet or transitioned)


  • Jumin had left you a dress to wear to the party and you were still pacing around the room
  • You were trying to convince yourself that you only needed to play the role of MC The Woman for a little bit longer
  • It helped to think of it as you playing someone else than having worse dysphoria, but you just wanted to be seen as MC
  • Thinking back to when you first talked on the messenger, you winced at the memory of everyone insisting you were a girl even when you said you weren’t
  • It wasn’t necessarily Seven’s fault, you just weren’t out and couldn’t pass as male or change anything legally
  • Turning back to the dress, you got the courage to change into it, thinking that it was only a few hours
  • While you couldn’t wear a hat to tuck in your hair, you could still pin it up to make it look shorter, so you spent some time in front of a mirror and used a bunch of bobby pins to get all of your hair as close to what you had pictured
  • You were trying your best to still feel masculine even if you had to wear a sports bra instead of a proper binder if you chose to bind
  • Once you arrived at the party and found Jumin, you tried to hide your discomfort as best as possible until he called you his princess
  • While it was sweet and he just didn’t know, your throat still felt dry and you excused yourself to go to the restroom
  • You winced again when you walked past the sign for the women’s washroom and tried to stifle a panic attack that was rapidly getting worse after you locked the door behind you
  • A few minutes later, there was a soft knock at the door, not like one of someone that actually needed the restroom, so you opened it just expecting to see a cleaning staff member or something
  • Jumin was standing there trying to play off how worried he was
  • “MC, I came to check on you, since you’ve been here for nearly half an hour. Is everything alright? You look panicked when I was talking with you, and I assumed that I said something wrong” “To be honest, I’m not okay at the moment, and yes, it was something you said. Don’t worry, tho-“ “MC, I have to worry if you’re not okay, especially so if it’s my fault. Could you please explain what’s going on, so that I can help?” “You didn’t know anything about it’s alright” “It’s not alright. It was ignorance, so could you please tell me what it was so that I can fix it?”
  • You nodded but asked if you could go sit at a table instead of standing in the bathroom and he laughed just a bit before sitting you down and then sat himself across from you
  • “I haven’t been completely honest in the chat room about myself, since it seemed impossible to change any of your views of me. To be flat out about it, I’m not female, but I can’t change anything about it right now” “Could you elaborate?”
  • Jumin looked slightly confused but you could still see how sincerely he wanted to listen to you and help but you kept your head down when you spoke
  • “I’m trans, Jumin. Transgender. I haven’t been able to come out because of my family, so everything Seven reported was about the MC that’s not quite MC. I can’t really present myself as male yet, but anything that’s put together with femininity makes me feel dysphoric” Dysphoria, that’s the uneasiness that accompanies when you don’t identify with your assigned physical characteristics, yes?”
  • Jumin wasn’t a dumbass, he just didn’t have lots of real life experience with transgender people
  • He’s read lots of studies and put rules in place to protect employees, but he’s never had someone close to him trust him with their own experience with it
  • You looked up and nodded to say yes and were going to speak again when his eyes widened slightly
  • “MC, I give you my sincerest apologies for making you wear that dress. I had no idea, and I thought you would look good in it. My intentions were not to make you feel bad, and I can-“ “Jumin, it’s okay” “No, it’s not, MC. You’ll have to go around this party for the next seven hours feeling uncomfortable. We can go back to my home if you’d like so you can change” “Jumin, it’s-actually, yeah, that sounds good. Are you sure it’s alright, though?” “Of course, my prince”
  • That one word made all the difference and you looked at him ecstatically and he gave a small smile to your reaction
    While you were in the car, he started asking you about your transition
  • He didn’t know that it would’ve been rude to just ask someone, but you answered all of them so that he could understand as much as possible
  • “I haven’t been able to change my name yet” “How come?” “Haven’t had the money” “…MC” “Yes?” “Would you like to get it fixed?” “Well, yeah, but-“ “We can take care of it tomorrow” “Al-alright”
  • He tried to ask in a roundabout way if you had had any surgery but you understood what he meant and told him you didn’t
  • If you wanted to, he called his doctor then and there to recommend someone so that you could schedule it
  • “I don’t mean to be lewd, and please forgive me if this is out of line, but is that why you’re wearing a sports bra? I feel like that would be very uncomfortable”
  • His question made your face feel a little hot but you nodded instead of answering verbally
  • Once you had gotten to your room, you were trying to go through your things to find something that looked formal enough
  • Jumin walked by the doorway holding a garment bag while you were trying to organize everything
  • “MC? Is a suit alright? I’m sorry that it’s one of mine, but it didn’t seem like you had much”
  • Thank any deity right now
  • However, since it was one of Jumin’s suits, you know what that means?
  • Matching boyfriends
  • Once you had gotten back to the party, all eyes were on the two of you
  • Especially since the other RFA members hadn’t seen either of you at all since you had both stayed out of public spaces as best you could at the beginning
  • When you were walking around together, he was introducing you to everyone as his boyfriend
  • Oh, right, that press conference
  • He had honestly forgot when he was worrying about you, but he was still prepared to answer all the questions
  • After he had announced that the two of you were involved romantically, he stopped answering the rest of the questions about you and walked over
  • Jumin had continued to propose to you that evening and Seven tried to yell “Does Jumin Han is gay?”
  • All he got was a glare and an answer from Jumin of “Grow up. For your information, Jumin Han does MC.”
  • And with that, you were leaving red-faced
  • Once you had gotten into the car for the umpteenth time that day, Jumin burst out laughing
  • You were slightly surprised at the outburst but laughter was taking you too
  • “Okay, but you realize that that’s what’s going to be everywhere in the chatroom tonight, right?” “I don’t care” “Okay, but you also lied” “How so?” “Because we haven’t, y’know, done anything yet” “Key word: yet” “Okay, bu-wait, what?” “Shit, I didn’t mean to say that aloud” “So would you like to?” “I mean, only if you’re comfortable with it, my prince”
  • The sight of a red-faced Jumin was something to cherish
  • Scratch that, Jumin later that evening was something to cherish

Seven: (set where he still comes to the apartment but not under the circumstances of his route , MC that can pass but isn’t completely out)


  • You had taped over some of the cameras in the apartment when you noticed them the first few days you were there
  • Yes, it was for your safety, but it made you wildly uncomfortable
  • So when Seven asked about it in the messenger, you just said that and he said he’d just stay with you then if he couldn’t watch you
  • Not bothering to force yourself to be feminine, you had changed and picked up the apartment for when he was to get there
  • Hey, if someone was to be a dick about it out of the members, it wasn’t going to be Seven
  • You were kicking your clothes under your bed as Seven let himself in so you yelled out
  • “Wow, didn’t even knock,” you walked into the main room and saw a Seven staring at you, “Everything alright?” “Yeah, yes, your pictures just don’t do you justice”
  • Smirking in reply, you moved some stuff on a desk to the side when you noticed he had a few laptops with him
  • “Can I put my shit there?” “What else would I put there?” “Fair point, but I’m going to ditch work for a bit” “Can you do that?” “Why not?” “I wouldn’t want you to get killed by some company that assigned you something” “I just want to watch shitty movies with you right now if that’s alright” “Blanket fort?” “Blanket fort.”
  • Seven was wrapped up in a random throw blanket and talking trash about the effects or acting every other minute
  • You made him shut up when a male character was having a flashback and it showed them as a girl when they were younger
  • Even though the movie was trash, this one scene of representation had you nearly crying
  • “MC? Is everything alright? I didn’t see a cat or dog die?” “No, no, it’s just-did you even watch that bit?” “Well, um, I was paying more attention to you to be honest” “Dork” “True” “Anyways, it was showing that the character was transgender, and it just, it just really meant a lot to me” “Wait, really?” “Mhmm”
  • Seven looked almost as excited as you now and he asked you to replay it, and this time, you were watching him rather than the film
  • “Okay, I know the special effects look like they’re from 2006, but that’s one of the only characters I’ve ever seen that were loudly and proudly trans!”
  • He was now rambling about how amazing this was and you ending up zoning out his words and just looking at him
  • His words died down and he started to apologize
  • “No! Seven, it’s alright. You’re allowed to get excited. I was just thinking about something” “And that would beeee?” “Well, I’m just glad that you’re accepting” “Why wouldn’t I be? You’ve seen that I enjoy to cross-dress. It’d be shitty of me to be transphobic.” “Well that’s good” “Why would you say that?” “ ‘Cause I’m a guy, but you knew me as a girl” “Coolio, do you want popcorn, MC?”
  • Wait what
  • “Uh, yeah, thanks, Seven!” “Not what you were expecting?” “Not quite” “Well, I never cared about it, but-oh, fuck” “What’s wrong?” “MC, I am so sorry. I can’t believe that I-“ “Seven, explain” “I told you that you were a girl that first night you messaged us even though you said you weren’t, and I’m an idiot” “It’s alright, but can you get popcorn now?” “Yeah, I just feel really bad about it”
  • You were still sitting wrapped in your duvet while he was still talking to you from the kitchen thinking about how considerate and calm he was about it
  • He came back with the bowl and you spoke seemingly randomly, “Hey, Seven, do you wanna date?”
  • Error: Seven just dropped the bowl and now popcorn’s everywhere
  • “S-sorry! I’ll pick it up!” you grabbed the bowl and started getting as much of the mess cleaned up as you could, “That was idiotic to ask, Seven. I’m sorry, too. You can leave it made you uncomfortable”
  • Seven dropped down beside you to clean it up and that’s when you realized he was almost as red as his hair
  • “Don’t apologize. I was just taken aback. However, I quite would like to have you as my boyfriend” “Wait, really?” “Yeah, I bet you’d be a great boyfriend” “But?” “But my job has me kind of screwed. After I get out of it, could we maybe go out then? I just don’t want my boyfriend getting hurt, because he’s connected to me”
  • Now you were the one to be surprised and as red as a tomato
  • “Yeah, that’d be good, Seven. I’m willing to wait as long as you need” “Thank you, MC! Wait, can I still use that name?” “Yeah, it’s fine” “You’re sure?” “Mhm” “Alright, future boyfriend, MC”
  • You were both smiling dorks leaning on each other continuing to watch the movie and make remarks
  • When the credits rolled, he turned to you after grabbing his phone
  • “Hey, MC?” “Yeah?” “Can we take a picture?” “Sure”
  • Seven flipped the camera then put his arm around you to bring you closer
    While the flash was going off, he kissed your cheek and were startled slightly but just smiled more
  • You were, once again, bright red as he was grinning and setting it as his profile picture in the messenger
  • “Can I send it to the chat?” “Sure, you dork, but it’s your fault if Zen starts ranting” “That’s the best part, though” “True, make sure you send it, though, so that I can keep it” “Sure thing”
  • You both fell asleep sprawled in the blanket fort and woke up to several missed calls and a bunch of unread texts
  • In the future, Seven finally left his job and was able to actually date
  • He never failed to use your pronouns and always said my boyfriend whenever he could

Alrighty! If there’s anything inaccurate, make sure to tell me, and I’ll change it. I hope that you liked this, but I know that I probably made a few mistakes. Keep in mind that I’m going to write V’s and Saeran’s soon, too! Sometimes I just cant come up with seven different scenarios, but I’ll try my best to get the other two up when I can. Again, please tell me if there’s anything I should add or delete. (Including warnings!) I hope you all have the days you deserve; much love, nerds!

anonymous asked:

What I want: an epic for the modern age about journeys through treacherous warfare and morally corrupt societies at odds with each other... But what I'm really getting at is: what happened to epic poetry, are people still writing it? Can there be modern epics, or would a modern epic be something else altogether? I guess i just didn't really know who to ask and you seem to know a bunch so?? Like is there an Iliad or a Ramayana for the 20th century?? Also you're wonderful and your blog is <3

oh my gosh okay this is a very big and absolutely fascinating question, anon! thank you for asking it this is so interesting to think about

okay so on a technical level, epic poetry survived. the tradition which most people look at when it comes to modern epic is the south slavic epic tradition, which was studied extensively by a couple of researchers called milman parry and albert lord in the early 20th century. this stuff was written in the “south slavic” area of europe, which has undergone a lot of political changes over time but is roughly around where modern serbia, bits of albania, bosnia and herzegovina are, and is mostly concerned with the great events of serbian history, the battle of kosovo in 1398 and the area’s incorporation into the ottoman empire. 

now, this poetry is quite often quite surprising to readers used to the iliad and so on, because many of the most famous poems are much, much shorter than anything we’re used to thinking of as “epic” - often maybe a hundred or so lines long (in comparison, the iliad is i think around 16,000 lines long?). some people argue that because these poems can be roughly collected into epic “cycles” - most prominently the kosovo cycle, focusing on the events of the battle of kosovo, and the marko cycle, focusing on the adventures of the semi-mythic hero prince marko kraljevic under the ottoman empire - they can be considered larger works and therefore ‘epic’ in terms of length, but i’m much more convinced by the idea put forward by an academic called john foley, who believed that ‘epics’ did not have to be long poems, but rather (sorry i’m paraphrasing a bit here, idk what happened to my notes) poems which had ‘historical and socio-political significance in the formation of ethnic identity’, which is a definition that not only includes the big stuff like the iliad and the ramayana and the epic of gilgamesh so so on, but also stuff like the slavic poems. (he had other qualifiers too, but that’s the bit i think is most important.) so in that sense, it would be perfectly possible for a poem, under the right conditions, to be considered “epic” in the modern era, if it was important enough.

(i feel like i should note at this point that my perspective is extremely eurocentric - like, the farthest afield that i’m even vaguely confident in talking about is mesopotamia, but i’m very much aware that there was - and for all i know still is - a strong tradition of epic poetry throughout asia, which i know literally nothing about. if any of my followers know anything about this and what it looks like in the modern age, or any other epic traditions, i would be super super interested to hear about it!)

another point of interest about the south slavic poems is that they really were composed and performed well into the modern age. like, parry and lord made recordings of the performances - which you can listen to online! admittedly, the rate of composition went into sharp decline towards the turn of the 20th century - someone, i think foley again or possible johannes haubold? theorised that this was because oral epic poetry was being used as a form of historical record as well as an entertainment and ethnic identity thing, which was then rendered superfluous by the advent of written history and mass literacy - but we have examples of south slavic epic poetry being performed and composed during world war two (known as partisan songs), during the period in which parry & lord worked (a singer they met apparently composed a new epic on the spot called “the song of milman parry”) and right up to very recently with an epic called “smrt u dallasu” about the assassination of john f kennedy. so in that literal sense, yes, epic poetry did and does exist in the modern age!

however, it’s a lot harder to pin down the kind of thing which i think both you and foley might be talking about, something of massive cultural and sociopolitical importance. there’s certainly been self-conscious attempts to recreate something like this - i mean, i suppose you could even class the aeneid as one of those attempts, just a very successful one. then you have other poets who self-consciously tried to work in the homeric tradition, and even people who tried to incorporate the ethnic-identity element; the first example i can think of off the top of my head is “ossian”, which was an attempt by a scottish poet in the 1700s (not long after scotland came under english rule) to pass off a collection of poems he’d written as the work of “ossian”, a sort of gaelic homer, but i’m sure there are others! in terms of poetry there’s certainly poets who still try to write epic-length poetry; one example might be derek walcott’s omeros, which as you can probably gather from the title is a sort of homeric-style epic poem for the caribbean island of st. lucia, which is very much concerned with self-identity.

but honestly i think you have something in the idea that a modern epic might well not be a poem, but something else altogether; i think that certainly any work which would reach the massive cultural/political/social significance - at least in the western world - of the iliad or the ramayana or gilgamesh would almost certainly not be a poem, but maybe a book or a film or even a tv show. it seems quite odd to say that, i suppose, because we don’t think of those things on the same “level” as homer et al., but homer was a rhapsode, a singer, a performer who entertained people for a few hours after they finished work, and i don’t see why our modern equivalents shouldn’t be included alongside that. i mean, south slavic epic is considered “epic” by academic standards and it includes hundred-line poems performed in coffee-shops with titles like “prince marko drinks wine in ramadan” and “king vukasin caught a fairy and married her” and i’m fairly sure i read about one called something along the lines of “mina the innkeeper’s wife hits marko kraljevic with a stick” or something, soooo 

anyway sorry this all extremely inconclusive and off-the-cuff so i’m sorry if there’s any massive inaccuracies, as always if anyone spots any please do let me know so i can correct this post! i’m on mobile so i can’t put links in but i’ll reblog this later with some links to the milman parry stuff etc. oh! also, for a book which asks this exact kind of question but perhaps doesn’t offer many answers, i would suggest ismail kadare’s the file on h., which is both amazing and spectacularly nerdy in that the two main characters are very thinly-veiled versions of parry and lord. anyway, i hope that helps a bit and sorry for being so waffly

Things that I want to happen in Peridot’s redemption arc:

  • She befriends Connie first, before encountering the Crystal Gems again. She kind of breaks down when they first meet, talking about how she has no idea what to do, she’s stranded on this alien planet and she’s all alone, she has no friends or allies here, and Connie just says “well, maybe I could be your friend?”
  • Peridot is very skeptical about this but she goes along with it because what else can she do, and this small human might be useful, but she slowly becomes very attached to Connie.
  • She helps Connie with her homework and gets into all of Connie’s favorite books and repairs electronics for the Maheswarans (and probably upgrades their electronics as well, because ugh, this human technology is so awful, how do they even live like this?) and she becomes like the cool genderless alien rock older sister that Connie never had.
  • Connie convinces the Crystal Gems to give Peridot a second chance by talking about how, in her books, there are sometimes characters who start off as villains and then become one of the heroes’ closest friends, and maybe Peridot is like that.
  • She’s a bit wary of waffles because of that sticker, and Steven has to explain to her that they’re harmless. Then Amethyst brings up that time when Steven tried to make a together breakfast for the group and the stack of waffles was possessed by an evil spirit and tried to kill them all.
  • She plays video games with Steven all the time, and Steven is ecstatic to finally have a friend to play video games with. She’s very competitive, and at one point she ends up playing video games with Steven for twelve hours straight. Pearl walks in and sees this and flips out, because oh my god, have you two been playing video games this whole time, Peridot don’t you understand that Steven is a human and he needs to eat and sleep, are you trying to kill him again???
  • If you think that Peridot is competitive when playing against Steven, just wait until she plays on the same team as Steven. She may or may not have gotten into legal trouble for hacking into the game in order to completely destroy the opposing team.
  • Steven and Amethyst are working on some sort of secret prank when Peridot discovers them. She immediately goes off about how oh my god, what are they thinking, they can’t do this, how could they think they could do this! Steven and Amethyst are both like oh, great, she’s going to ruin it, but then Peridot sits down and starts explaining how they should actually pull off this prank, don’t they realize that what they’ve planned has a 34% of failing and doing nothing, and they all work together to pull off the ultimate prank. Garnet thinks that this is hilarious, but Pearl is significantly less amused.
  • There’s an online poll asking which discontinued dessert should be brought back, and Cookie Cats are one of things on the poll. Steven is ecstatic, but then he sees that Cookie Cats are losing. So he creates this huge elaborate campaign to get everyone in Beach City to vote for Cookie Cats, and it does work, but it’s just not enough. Steven is devastated, but Pearl comforts him and tells him that he did his best and she’s proud of him, and hey, want to go on lighthearted mission to cheer up? So Steven goes and then he returns several days later to find Peridot, who hadn’t gone on the mission, sitting in the kitchen with her feet up on the table, eating Cookie Cats. She tosses a few to Steven, who’s completely shocked, and explains that she hacked into the system somehow to make sure that Cookie Cats won. 
  • Peridot and Steven both train together in combat and on how to summon their weapons, since Peridot never had to learn these things as part of her job. Steven is happy that he’s no longer the only one who has to learn all these things.
  • Onion steals one of Peridot’s fingers and runs off, and she is furious. Steven and the Crystal Gems have to figure out how to resolve this situation and prevent their newest member from murdering this strange, slightly terrifying child. After everything is worked out, Pearl lectures Peridot on how she needs to stop trying to murder small children, seriously, what is her problem.
  • While Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl are away on an important and dangerous mission, a gem monster attacks Beach City. Steven, Connie, and Peridot have to figure out how to defeat it when none of them know how to fight these things.
2

It may be three weeks later, but I’m still stuck in this moment.

I originally was planning on flying into the city Wednesday night in order to get in the standby ticket line for Jimmy Fallon; however due to horrid weather, all planes to New York were cancelled for the night. I ended up purchasing several Florida postcards to write down my favorite films on to pass by time. I eventually flew out Thursday morning and ended up not making it in time for standby tickets, but ended up spending the day walking down the streets of the Lower East Side to try and find the shop and walking around NBC Studios with the hopes of running into them, which is when I met @georgestaniel and about died because of how perfect her Sandro+Reebok sweatshirt was. A few of my friends and I ended up eating dinner in Rockefeller’s Plaza and while discussing the topic of the pop up shop I saw my friends phone light up and I immediately looked at mine. All five of us immediately rushed out of the area within minutes and began to travel downtown. Once we ended up getting there, there was around ten to fifteen other people outside in line. My group of friends ended up splitting up and two of us, including myself went to my hotel to pick up our sleeping bags to use for the night. On the way back to the shop I recieved a phone call from one of my friends saying that the boys had walked into the shop and were upstairs. We immediately rushed back and put down all of our items in our spot. I decided to walk past the glass door in hopes of seeing one of them and saw George walking down the stairs and looking at him phone. I immediately walked back to my friends, as I truly was in shock and did not know what to do. We waited for around thirty minutes and was told by Matty that we were all going to be let inside shortly. After a little more time passing, we were all let inside to have the time to purchase the items. One of the staff members informed us that we had to get into three groups of ten and we would be allowed to go upstairs in our groups and meet the boys. I first started talking to Adam about his guitar solos and he was extremely kind and formal. Matty ran over and we talked about the necklaces as I told him that I loved him and he seemed extremely happy about them. I knew that I had to talk to George, but I was very unsure of what I was going to say, as I didn’t plan on meeting him this night. I got the courage to walk up to him and we hugged and I asked him how he was doing and he did the same. Shortly after I told him how I met him back in December at a book store and he stated “Seattle, right?” and I confirmed that it was there and I showed him how I got the Kobra Kai Never Dies tattoo and he asked something along the line of “We haven’t met since Seattle right?” and I told him that we haven’t and he explained that he saw the photo of my tattoo online and I immediately murmured “Oh god.” and he just chuckled. I told him how I admired him recent thumb tattoo and he told me a little bit about it. I asked him if he ever got around to watching the Back to the Future trilogy that I gave to him in Portland in December and he told me that he hadn’t but he has it at his home and he told me that he feels like people think that he is stupid for not seeing it, which is very similar to what he said back in Seattle to me, but he told me that when they have some time back home he plans to watch all three of them. We began to discuss the new album and how I adored listening to the title track and The 1975 track at the Portland listening party and couldn’t wait to hear the rest later that night and I asked him what song should I listen to first and he immediately stated that If I Believe You was his favorite, but he pointed to the Ugh! picture behind it and said that he really liked that one as well. We talked about SNL and how I was going to see them at Jimmy Fallon, but my plane got delayed and he told me “Our plane got delayed several times too, it was fucking horrible.”, which honestly made me go silent because he just sounded so annoyed in the most angelic way possible. I told him how while I waited at the airport I bought some postcards and wrote down my favorite films on them and he told me his thoughts on some of them and told me which ones he hasn’t seen and he put them in his coat pocket. I figured we only had a little bit of time left in the pop up shop, so I asked if we could get a photo so he asked if he could take it, which I allowed as my hands tends to be quite shaky around him and he pressed the home button and immediately saw several twitter notifications all from Jamie and he began to chuckle and I was like “Lol sorry I have Jamie on notifications” and he said something along the lines of “Oh Jamie.” We took the photo and I immediately remembered that I wanted to get a photo that looked as if he was writing out my tattoo along my arm and I asked him if we could and he stated “If it makes you happy, of course”, which reminded me of how he responded when I first asked him about writing out my tattoo in December. While my friend was taking the photo George was making obscure faces and was saying phrases like “Hmmm, interesting” and “I’m an artist” and I couldn’t help but smile at him. He then told me that he was going to draw on the tattoo and ended on scribbling over the “on” part of my tattoo. We then said our goodbyes and I talked to Matty a bit more and ended up having to leave. It was absolutely incredible and I couldn’t have asked for anything better.

The next day my friends and I got back in line for the pop up shop, as we wanted to try and say hello again and I really just wanted to tell them how much I admired the new songs off of the album. We waited from around eight in the morning till around four in the afternoon and I ended up being the first person to not be let in for the last group, as the boys had to leave for the airport; however my wonderful friend @fanohann was the person in front of me and got to meet them again and she ended up getting me a video of George saying hello after telling him that I wasn’t able to get in and how I brought him banana pudding, as I was afraid that he wouldn’t get the chance to eat today, which for those that may have also been concerned, they got pizza shortly after noon. My friend told me to check my phone and I look and saw that she had sent me a video of George and I immediately started tearing up. I am an extremely emotional person and honestly I cry at everything George does, but it was just incredibly sweet of her to do that for me and the video is just the cutest. I don’t think that I am going to post the video, as I feel like it’s like this little part of my heart and I just want to keep it kind of sentimental which I hope that you all can understand; however in the video he states “Hi Gabriella, I’ve heard that you can’t get in and I’m sorry. It’s too bad. I love you. I am actually sorry, but we’ve got to go and get a flight.” and then he waves to the camera. I’ll probably post screenshots and maybe an audio clip or two from it, because honestly he looks really cute in it. It is honestly the cutest thing and I couldn’t be happier with my experience at the pop up shop. If any of you ever get the chance to meet George, I promise you that it will be the best experience. He truly is the most kind and adorable human to ever exist and I hope that you all get to be graced by his presence at some point in each of your lives! 

London Luck | Dan Howell Imagine

Prompt:

Word Count: 5,200 (i dont know what happened)

Genre: some fluff(?) with smut

Warnings: swear words

a/n: I felt I should show the two POVs for some parts. it was so hard to keep it general because I know you all look different and live all over the place, but still as detailed as I could make it. unlikely event but hey it’s a fantasy, it’s allowed. (more notes at the end)

You had just moved to London. The idea was daunting but you felt it was the right move to make with your life. Initially you weren’t moving until mid-September, but you decided that being settled in to your flat just in time to attend Summer in the City would suit better. After unpacking the little stuff you brought with you and making the flat seem more ‘homely’, you’d gone job hunting for a few hours.

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