There’s a town of about 70 people in Michigan – an incorporated community – called Hell. For $100, you can temporarily become the mayor. So comedian Elijah Daniel did just that, and he used his powers to ban heterosexuality.
Daniel based his ban almost verbatim on Donald Trump’s “extreme vetting” policy outlawing Muslims. And he really thought through the details:
His mayoral proclamation explains that when he was growing up, he was often told that homosexuals would go to hell. But “now the heterosexuals are trying to take that from us too,” Daniel wrote.
So, as mayor of Hell, he would establish “new vetting measures to keep radical heterosexuals out of our town.”
To make sure his words reached as many people as possible, he posted the ban on Twitter.
Lest he seem bigoted, Daniel offered local heterosexuals a chance to stay in Hell for a price: Fork over $84,000, which they would get back after one year of abstinence from straight sex.
“Reparative therapy” to find one’s gay side was also to be strongly encouraged. The alternative: being forced to wear a scarlet H and cargo shorts in the town square every morning for some public straight-shaming.
He was impeached shortly after enacting the policy, because every mayor of Hell gets impeached, but also because that’s what should happen when you try to ban an entire group of people from your community. And yet.
I was talking to my mum once about why she thought homosexuality was wrong/a choice and she told me that it was partially because the bible says that “confusion comes from the devil” and that whenever she heard LGBTQ people talk about their experiences with figuring their sexuality out, they said they were confused at some point.
At the time, I didn’t know what to say to that. I had only recently come out to her, and I was still trying to find the best way to explain everything. But now I realize just how fucked up that statement is, because the confusion doesn’t come from liking someone of the same gender, it comes from adults demonizing that attraction.
If a kid grows up in a household where being gay/bi/pan/etc. is normalized, then if they ever feel attracted to the same gender, or more than one gender, there isn’t any reason to be confused, because they haven’t been told that it is wrong. When I figured out that I liked both boys and girls, I was confused because I had been lead to believe that only one of those attractions was valid and that I wasn’t supposed to feel the other one. And when the feelings wouldn’t go away, I felt lost because it was supposed to be a choice.
LGBTQ kids feeling confused has nothing to do with the devil, it has to do with society telling us that who we are is a mistake and that our feelings are possible to ignore/avoid.
I hate that there’s a limit to the Gay™ I can reasonably expect from modern media. Even though there are millions of books, movies, and tv shows with purely straight characters I could never hope for a show with more than a few or, god forbid, only queer characters. It’s like there’s an unspoken rule that I can’t hope for more than one, maybe two non-straight characters or relationships because any more would be ‘unrealistic’ or 'pandering’. Fucking pander to me man, to all the other queer people invested in the worlds you create, because it’s not fair that because there’s a lesbian couple there’s an invisible cap and now I’ll never see a bi main character, or that having a trans side character is “enough activism” and that trans character will never have another friend on the show like them. Why do you have to maroon all your gays in this heterosexual world? Why can’t you let us find each other??
So further to the big boycott list that we periodically reblog, someone wondered a couple of weeks ago whether all the Larries on the list were still active as we’ve seen such a drop in some of the big ones. I’ve found myself with a bit of time on my hands after meeting a deadline earlier in the month, so I thought I’d go through the list and see what I could find. Lucky me getting to click on all those toxic blogs!
16meets18 - this redirects to 16meets18.com, still active, has blogged today 2tiedships2 - active, has blogged today, is a prolific gifmaker but ~weirdly~ enough only makes gifs of Louis from nine hundred years ago aaronexplainsitall (was aaronbutterfield) - Aaron flounced off Tumblr soon after Louis’ promo started at the beginning of the summer, then wrote this post in August about how he wasn’t going to blog about 1D anymore, has actually blogged about 1D since then, but is pretty inactive. One of the London bloggers who all appear to have dropped off Tumblr aboutchopsuey - fairly inactive, the front page of the blog has posts dating back 2 months, dropped off when Louis’ promo started in July alw4ys-you (was summer5tars) - on permanent hiatus, last blog is dated 3 months ago. Says they’re on hiatus due to anon hate and needing a fresh start, may have got a new name anchoredlou - hasn’t blogged since the end of August annalarrie - is the artist for all those fucking rainbow bear drawings that pop up, so may be a sideblog for someone else? I’m not sure. The latest post has tags about how the Azoffs aren’t saving Louis or Harry and how Jeff’s friendship with Harry is a stunt, so that’s how they’re looking annulloamato (was thendowncamethelightning) - no longer at this URL, anyone know where they went? ashavahishta - hasn’t blogged in a month but that’s not that unusual for Asha, she may be back. Has been really inactive since like February. astolenchild - now afireforaheart, it redirects though. Still active, reblogging foetus gifs a lot bakagamieru - still active, is also a Ziam and has a hilarious post on the front page making some leaps of logic between Liam saying he likes the song Englishman in New York and shading/hinting at his true sexuality bananastagram - still Larrying beautlouis - is now thelovejandles, hasn’t posted in three weeks but one of her tags says “hospital queue” so may well be in hospital (and if so, I hope she’s okay) beccasafan - still Larrying, still active betterstllbemywindingwheel - still active birdonahotdog - still active bitofbanter - was active earlier in the week blouehjob - now at deepindeniall, still active bluemetgreen - still active boyfriendsofficial - is no longer at this url britishhusbands - still active bromanceshmomance - still active, although I think she had a bit of a hiatus? bulletproofhalo - we discovered this week that BPH has links to Rolling Stone and can make them write articles about the covers Harry plays, but can’t make them investigate Hollywood’s Baby Faking scandl! Gosh. bunboyfriend - still Larrying buscandoelparaiso - still Larrying, being particularly gross about Briana deleting photos business-direction - still pretending to be nice, still a gross Larrie underneath certainthingshappened - not there anymore claudiyah - hasn’t blogged since August so possibly gone claudiyah-art - ah, the above blogger’s fanart tumblr. Hasn’t posted anything 1D related since the beginning of August, may have moved on cliffordnlouis - not there conscious–ramblings (yeah, 2 hyphens, fam) - had a hiatus for about six weeks I think, just after Louis’ promo started, pleading mental health issues. Has posted a bit, but isn’t completely back. I feel like her powers are diminished since Aaron and Verily went AWOL. coolbreeeze - was actively Larrying this week curlyhairedcuntandboobear - still has the mantra “THERE IS NO BABY” in their header, where very clearly there is now A baby, regardless of who he belongs to dailydoseofziam - still Larrying, still Ziaming daysundercover - still Larrying, also reblogging foetus pictures from 900 years ago diggingandfluff - Fluff bowed out a few weeks ago didn’t she? Iftheresnolove made sure to post a message from her that said she was still a Larrie, but I’m not altogether convinced. Fluff always seemed the most likely to actually have music industry connections, I wonder if she finally saw the light directionereg - still Larrying droppedmyburrito - hasn’t been active for a couple of weeks, but was still Larrying then droppingtheveilofmaya - oh, still one of the most disgusting humans I’ve ever come across. Tends to get very angry when anyone casts doubt upon all her industry connections dunkirknews - now appears to be a spam blog? elceeu2morrow - still Larrying evenstarsinthesky - still active everythingstylinson - still Larrying, posting manips of Louis being on stage with Harry cos that’s not creepy at all felicitetomlinsondaily - Fizzy update blog so generally stays away from Larry stuff but I’m sure bigger brains than mine can say why they’re on this list? ferninism - is still friends with a lot of Larries, but hasn’t actually posted anything Larry related in quite a while. Still one to blacklist though. fireprooof - still active, still Larrying fluffyyorkshirepudding - are you kidding me that this woman is 49 years old. Still Larrying, has a wild story in her tags today about Harry glaring at Briana at a show two years ago freddieismyqueen - hasn’t posted on Tumblr in almost a year, since November 2016, but I’m sure I saw some Larrie this week talking about a new YouTube video from her, so she’s still out there fuckyeahlouis - gone, no longer there gaynkles (was lcighade) - no overtly Larry posts that I can see, but, well, they’ve still got that URL gaysilk - still Larrying gemma-daily - like the Fizzy update blog, I don’t know how they’re a Larrie, but yeah they’re still updating on Gemma genderneutralsongs - hasn’t posted since May geneticistlarrie - still active gigglelou - still Larrying goodmorningtoyouuniverse - still active happy1days - still active happytinylou - still active haroldslovebites - still active harryandlouisarehappilystrong - still Larrying harrysdimplesarethedeathofme - doesn’t appear to have posted about Louis in a while, although I can’t be bothered going back overly far. Is still friends with Larries as proven by the blogroll linked. heterophobiclouis (was worththewhiletweet) - still a Larrie iamlouistomlinson - still Larrying idareyoutotakealook - still Larrying iftheresnolove - still gross and disgusting, not even going to say anymore. Still updating her spreadsheets of lies intenselouis - still active investigatewsrm - redirects to investigaterainbows, still a Larrie itsastorm - still Larrying itwilltoteshappen - still active, can’t be bothered going far enough back to find any Louis content though jhoappreciationblog - is now password protected jimmytfallon - still active justinjaymie - one of the absolute worst Larries, I hate even going on this blog just-kind-of-happened - hasn’t posted in a week but that might be normal kindofsharethat - still Larrying knightchanges - still gross lads-laddylads - still terrible, although she seems to be an outlier in the fandom now. She’s had some harassment recently about being straight and writing gay fanfic, and just seems to have some unpopular opinions. I wouldn’t be surprised if she ducks out soon
lapelosa - has been missing for a lot of the year. Looks like Angela finally gave up fighting the Big Gay War!
larrienation - used to be kaylornation, so it looks like they’ve got form in other tinhat fandoms too. Lovely
larryalbum - still a Larrie
larryappreciation - not a lot of Larry content but still has the URL so
larryftdua (was vansandburberry) - still Larrying
larryownsthisass - empty tumblr now
- still Larrying, writing posts about how Harry will be “MIA” when Louis is doing pro, they just know it!
lawyerlarrie - still Larrying, still pretending to be a feminist
laynefaire - still Larrying
legohousedea - still Larrying, insisting Louis is wearing a nod to Freddie Mercury when wearing a shirt with a lighhtning bolt on
lesbianslovelouis - of course she’s still active, the day she gives up I’m throwing a fucking party. Got EVEN CREEPIER in the last few months and has Barbie dolls to act out her creepy fantasies
lhrry - still Larrying
lhrryart - fanart blog of above blog, not particularly active this year
loneozner - still Larrying
lornasaurusrex - still Larrying
lostjams - still active
lottiesource (was lottie-source) - like the other updates accounts for the girls, I don’t know about this one being a Larrie blog, but it is still active
louisandthedagger - still using the tag “my gay son” to refer to Louis so you know
louisbravado - still active
louisea - calling Camilla a trash bag so you know still Larrying
(was veteranlarrie) - still a Larrie
loumos (was anchoredlou) - has been to a meet up of several Larries mentioned here (bulletproofhalo, srslycris, anchoredlou, firstmatesheera, olieolieoxnfree, too-old-for-this-ship) recently
lsanchor - sideblog of janree, appears active
lucystarkid - currently convinced it’s not Harry’s decision to play the Victoria’s Secret show, so yeah, still Larrying
lululawrence - still active
m3llybaby - hasn’t been active since Harry’s Dunkirk promo a couple of months ago
mellygrant - somewhat active, second post says that she’s been on and off. Appears to be a Ziam tinhat too
miss-you-sweetcheeks - not very active but sidebar still says they’re a Larrie
nerds4life - still active
nsfwtomlinson - still active, says Harry is a gay icon so I’m going to say still a Larrie
oiiiioiiii - still active
onmykneesforlarry - sideblog for nauticallyrics, apparently. Hasn’t been active since last December (NB nauticallyrics is definitely still a Larrie)
oopstatt - still active
organictm - …interestingly, has this post calling out Big Larries…. still definitely a Larrie though
ot5alwaysinmyheart - still Larrying
otpwhatever - still active, can’t be bothered to find any Larry on there as it’s not recent
pass-the-pencil - still active
paynespider - still a Larrie, also hates Taylor Swift
paynoisbatman - still active
perfectionlouis - still Larrying
proudoflou - still active, nothing overtly Larry on the front page currently
quietasides - still active
quirkyharry - nothing at this URL
rainbowbears - nothing here either
saracha33 - still active, still gross
seahorseharry - still a Larrie
seasurfacefullofclouds - still a Larrie
sexatoxbridge - extremely sadly still Larrying
shadyshit91 - one of the worst of the current crop. I feel like she slid into a power vacuum left by Verily, Aaron, Lapelosa etc, and is revelling in it. Also the author of the masterpost about how much Freddie looks like Brett and “is a Clark”. Totally disgusting human
since-he-was-eighteen - now at pinkhalo, still a Larrie
srslycris - lol of course she’s still here she likes the power
sslarrybullship - using the tag “Harry is an LGBT icon” so
sslarrysettingsail - flounced two months ago during Louis’ promo
stephaniesoteriou - hasn’t been on Tumblr since last December, but this is th woman who writes for Yahoo, right? I dunno how recently she’s done that
straightguysdont2 - still active
stylinsin (was m-rmaid) - still Larrying, thinks the Victoria’s Secret show is a cover for something else
suitsdirection - still active
tdoj - nothing here now
tellmethisisnotlove - of course Gabi is still active, she’s another one I’ll throw a party for when she leaves
that-regular-chick - flounced in th middle of August
thetommmo - still active
theirstoryofevents - still a Larrie
thembutterflies (was areyougoodwithyourhands/nelligans/handslows) - still active
thetomlinsondaily - still active
thesparkleboots - now at styles2017, but that says it’s a saved account with no posts
thestylinsoncrew - password protected
thisiskatsblog - is part of Rainbow Direction
thispigeonisntgivingup - still a Larrie
thosedamnbears - still active
tmlinsons - inactive most of the year, not been seen since April
tmlnsn - still a Larrie
tomlinsins - not found at this URL
tomlinsoz - redirects to louistomlivson, but that blog is on hiatus
tommosgun - still active, reblogging foetus gifs
tommosloueh - posted recently but before that hadn’t been active in a while
tommosmiddlefinger - may have flounced today! Gosh
tommosnips - nothing at this URL
twopoppies - still Larrying
unintentionalarry - flounced at the end of June, has a new URL which isn’t given
urfookinjob - still active
verily-i-say - Vee flounced at the beginning of the summer, but was back briefly in the middle of September. Not been seen since then so let’s hope she’s fucked off again. One of the worst; Vee is the originator of the “let’s make out like Briana had sex with her stepdad” grossness
wankingloueh - now thegayankle, which is active
waitingforthatday - still active
watchyourattitude - still Larrying
wellingtontat - is now theageofhaquarius, still a Larry
whimsicule - hasn’t posted anything Larry in aaaages
whisperedlouis - still active
whiteknightonasteed - still active
withoutacuppateaaa - thankfully, this horrendously disgusting Larrie hasn’t posted since December 2016
yeezydoodles - still active
youfuckingloosah - status: dark Larrie
zenlikejen - still active, still gross
zourry - still, most definitely, a Larrie
Phew! And don’t worry haters, I still had time today to paint my kitchen, do som washing, watch a film, make a shepherd’s pie, AND spend time with my significant other!
* we have no idea how the team reacts to losing shiro, this scene is never shown
* despite all keith and red went thru last season he still becomes the black paladin, red lion who???? Don’t know her
* allura has to Learn to Respect Keith’s Leadership Skills because Not All Galra ™. She probably has to apologize to him too and even though she’s obviously a more experienced and capable leader than he is she takes a backseat while Keith leads the team
* hunk saves the day by eating in one episode
* lance flirts with every Girl in the show (none of these girls have names or speaking lines except the one who kisses him)
* they each get like 2 minutes of development in the whole season
* staff makes it seem as if they’re a way bigger deal than they actually are, getting us all hyped up for the new season and then… it’s season 2 again
* Keith’s mom shows up in a flashback, turns out she’s dead. Her whole personality is being beautiful and dead that’s it that’s all we’re given
* but Keith’s dad is still alive !!!1 and he’s a fully fledged character with a detailed backstory and interesting motivations
(* Fandom ships him with everyone)
* speaking of
* he’s there
* he’s fuckin horrible. Murders someone every episode. Fandom uses the “you’re doing amazing sweetie” reaction pic endlessly for each of these. Everyone thinks he’s gay because he has long hair, is evil, and is (god help me) Hot
* he’s also shipped with Everyone
* naturally he gets more development and screen time than hunk and lance put together I mean like that’s even a question
* turns out he was betrothed to allura before Altea fell and he Never Got Over It
* it’s creepy as shit but we have no idea how allura takes it because this is used to further Keith’s character development not hers
* pidge finds Matt, this either takes a single episode or half the season, and now the two of them have to find their father. He’s probably wherever lance and hunks characterization went.
* there’s a couple in the background of one scene and it’s implied they’re a Gay. This is the LGBT rep they were talking about. They pat themselves on the back for this and never bring up LGBT rep again.
* allura has to keep dealing with the not all galra storyline, she has to learn to accept them and love them ™ because all hate is Bad… live and let live… imagine all the people living life in peace…
* the last episode is a cliffhanger but this time it’s shiro who has returned, only when he opens his eyes they’re yellow like in that vision he had with Hagar back in s1
Honestly I’m so happy they discussed Alec being inexperienced though because like it’s so hard now to find early twenty-something year old characters in the media that are romantically and sexually inexperienced. Never mind young adult male virgins (who are gay). It honestly is such a stigma in our society, to be a virgin is to be a prude or to be “innocent” as Magnus says and I’m glad they addressed Alec’s insecurity because it is one I, and many other young adults, face and it is something I almost never see represented in media (and when it is it’s used to turn on men, like a woman who is a virgin is sexualized because she’s “pure”).
“I can bind as much as I like, I’m having top surgery soon so that’ll just get rid of any problems it causes-” nope. NOPE NOPE NOPE. Not only does soft tissue damage make surgery both more difficult and risky, binding too much, for too long, over even just a year or two can weaken muscles supporting your ribcage so when you stop binding after surgery, you’re at risk of things like hairline fractures- and worse, up to and including a couple horror stories that include punctured lungs. Do not use “but top surgery!” as an excuse to bind while sleeping, for more than 8-10 hours a day maximum, or 365 days a year without one single break. Not binding sucks- but we all gotta do things that suck for our health sometimes, grit your teeth and do not fuck up your lungs and ribcage.
Nonetheless, your risk assessment needs to be different if your timescale is less “five years til top surgery” and more “binding for the rest of my life”. I understand some women bind for reasons of gender presentation and such without plans to get surgey, plus of course there’s some AFAB trans people who either don’t want or can’t get top surgery who plan to bind indefinitely. Understand that this means you need to plan ahead for a lot of possible risks and complications that are less prominent for people using binding as a short-term gap, that the effects of very long-term binding are barely known and potentially severe, and that thirty years on, if you are still doing it, there are going to have been consequences for your body. This is NOT to say, “don’t do it”. Do it with a full, informed, adult understanding of what the risks are or might be, and be prepared to take those on. Keep a sharp eye on your body’s well being. Do it carefully. Be prepared for the risks, because yes, they exist. You can take them, that’s fine, but don’t pretend they aren’t real and serious.
Don’t wear a binder that is a size too small because the correctly sized one “shows too much”. Lung capacity is fucking important and you will crack a damn rib one of these days if you’re not careful. Do not overexert yourself in any binder; if it hurts or you feel faint or whatever then STOP, IMMEDIATELY. If you exercise in one, wear one at least a size up and throw baggy shirts on over it. Wear a velcro one if you can for working out so you can undo that shit ASAP if there’s an issue. If you go swimming in a binder, have someone spotting for you, make sure there’s a lifeguard at the pool, etc. You aren’t going to enjoy your wonderful transition very much if you, god forbid, wind up being in a serious accident because you’re suffocating yourself slowly.
You can bind safely. That is to say, you can bind while minimizing the risks as much as possible, til you reach a point where it’s reasonable for a well-informed, sensible person to weigh them up and take said risks. You cannot bind 100% consequence free. That’s all.
And look, just to get a bit tough-love for a second: “but if I don’t do all those things, my dysphoria is so bad I can’t cope” is something I fully, entirely sympathize with. It also means you gotta start working on management techniques so that ceases to be the case, NOT that you should just accept totally batshit levels of risk for the sake of your mental health. The solution to “my dysphoria is so bad that it destroys my life if I don’t bind in my sleep and wear it two sizes too tight” is not and should never be, “so I do it because it’s all right if I know accept the risk”. That’s not responsible, mature behaviour. It’s fully, entirely understandable. But you need, NEED to instead take the longer, more difficult path to finding healthy management techniques to improve your mental health and wellbeing so this is no longer the case, or else it’s going to bite you in the arse. You want to reach the end of your transition with the body you deserve, so you can finally feel right in it? Then look after it. Transition doesn’t give you a new body, it makes the one you’re in right now fit better, so look after the one you’re in.
When I was 8 I was obsessed with Disney’s Aladdin. Not just the original movie, but both of it’s poorly made sequels too. I watched them everyday after school while I drew pictures in our basement TV room, simultaneously fixated on their adventures and creating my own on paper.
I remember being absolutely in awe of how handsome Aladdin was, but also of the beauty of Princess Jasmine. They were the most attractive people I could ever imagine existing.
When I was 10 my mom gave me an American Girl book all about puberty and the female body. I only read through the whole thing once, but I left it close to my bed because of the one page I looked at nearly everyday.
It was one of the sections of the book on bodily changes throughout puberty– body hair, periods, etc. At the bottom of was a picture of several girls in front of a mirror, completely naked, to illustrate the different sizes and shapes of breasts. I was absolutely fascinated by these girls: the soft curves of their hips, their round and full breasts, the way their thighs came together. Despite their cartoonish nature, this was the closest I’d come to seeing a grown girl’s body. It was foreign and beautiful to me.
Somehow, I knew this wasn’t normal, so I always hid the book after I was done in case mom asked why I still had it.
When I was 12 I found my self distracted in classroom discussion circles looking at girls chests and lips and thighs. Every time I caught myself I’d immediately look down at my lap and blush. I’d learned by now that it wasn’t normal for girls to look at other girls like that, what it meant to be gay. But I’d eventually find my eyes wandering again, my thoughts focused on how beautiful one of my female classmates was.
I remember walking down the hallway one day mentally reciting “you can’t be a lesbian, you like boys… every girl must look at each other like this.”
When I was 13 one of the girls that I clung to during PE (because they were just as repulsed by physical exertion as I was) told us she was bisexual. This was the first time I’d been told someone could be attracted to boys and girls at the same time. It was confusing and enlightening at the same time.
I remember she put her arms around my shoulders once, during badminton week, her face inches from mine. It made me nervous, but in a way that I’d never felt before. My stomach had dropped, and I didn’t know why. It wasn’t like the fear I’d felt from scary movies and my dad yelling at me, but it wasn’t quite like when I felt exhilarated from riding a rollercoaster or binging on sugar with my friends… it was something in between, and entirely new.
I’d told my mom about it and she immediately wanted to call the principal and make sure the girl didn’t touch me like that again. That scared me, her reacting like that. I started acting repulsed by the girl afterwards, telling my friends she had flirted with me even though I wasn’t entirely sure she had, how weird it was and how weird she was.
Looking back, I probably wish that she had been flirting with me.
When I was 14 I was acquainted with the first queer couple I’d ever met. They were in theatre with me, and I’d been wanting them to start dating for months. At this point I’d stopped acting weirded out by gay people and claiming that bisexual people were “selfish and should just pick a side already.” I openly showed my support for gay people, citing my theatre friends of examples of how “normal” they could be.
I walked in on the couple in the dressing room one rehearsal, shocked to see them making out. I stood in the doorway a moment, then walked out without either of them seeing me.
I thought about their kiss for the whole day, wondering how their relationship worked, what it was like to date someone of the same gender as you. I was dating a boy at the time, my first boyfriend and the one that would create fear and an inability to trust for my entire high school career when he started abusing me. I wondered if this couple’s relationship could be anything like ours.
When I was 15 I joined Tumblr. I’d just moved from Michigan to Alabama, had my heart broken by my abusive boyfriend furthering the pain he was inflicting by cheating on me, and was just beginning to realize that I had an eating disorder with no idea how to feel about it or whether or not I wanted it to go away.Tumblr became a place for me to escape all this into “fandoms” and “fitblrs” and personal posts from strangers I didn’t know but whose lives intrigued me. It was on Tumblr that I first encountered the word “pansexual.” I was 16.
I was intrigued and slightly obsessed with the concept of it, pansexuality. I’d only just begun to learn about transgender and heard rumors of other genders outside of men and women, and being attracted to all of them or being “genderblind” seemed impossible, but incredible. I spent months randomly researching sexual orientation and transgender people before finally adopting the term as my own.
Though, it was only in my head that I claimed pansexuality as my own. I didn’t want to tell anyone… not because I was ashamed so much, I’d forgotten that stigma several years ago, but more because I was afraid that I only wanted to be pansexual, not that I actually was.
After all, if only ever been in relationships with boys at that point. How could I know if I was actually attracted to other genders if I’d never dated them?
When I was 17 I got my first crush on a girl. I didn’t recognize that that was my motive at the time, but I was constantly staring at her in the two classes we shared, payed special attention when she spoke, and the day she announced that she had a Tumblr I made it my goal to be a part of her life.
By winter we were best friends. By summer I’d begun to realize the extent of my feelings for her. The first time I got drunk at 19 I blurted out that I thought about making out with her all the time. I told her how I felt at 20, 3 years of pining later.
She told me she didn’t feel the same.
When I was 18 and in my first year of college, I binge watched all of Laci Green’s videos on YouTube, deciding that it was time I figured out how my body and how sex worked. Through her I found not only the courage to masturbate for the first time, but my first confrontation with “third genders.”
I obsessively studied nonbinary genders, claiming to just be interested in them, giving speeches and presentations on them for class, messaging nonbinary people to ask about their experiences. I came to accept that I identified with this term the summer of my sophomore year of college.
When I was 18 I also came out to my dad. I’d already come out to my close friends, sisters, and mother at this point– all giving me generally positive responses. This was not the case with my dad.
We were fighting in the kitchen, something that had become a regular thing since I’d started expressing my feminist and liberal beliefs. He was making homophobic comments and I guess I must of have been very clearly upset by this, because he asked, “do you have a problem with that?”
To which I responded, “Yeah, because I like girls, dad!”
My outburst led to two and a half years of him telling me that my identity was fake, a scheme to get attention, that all I believed was a result of my being brainwashed at college and my own self delusion. The full force my panic, bipolar disorder, and depression came out during this time. The first time I thought of killing myself was when he threatened to kick me out and cut me off from my sisters if I didn’t stop with this “feminazi LGBT bullshit.”
When I was 19 I started dating one of my best friend from high school– a boy, but pansexual like myself, I felt like this was the first queer relationship I’d been in.
He told me he didn’t want a monogamous relationship, that he identified as polyamorous– which I knew because this was one of the reasons his last relationships hadn’t worked out. Thinking I wouldn’t fall as desperately in love with him as I did, I agreed to an open relationship.
Two months into the relationship and much research and self reflection later, I’d come to accept that I was also polyamorous and I never wanted a monogamous relationship again.
When I was 20 a girl on Tumblr reblogged a set of selfies that I’d posted, exclaiming in the tags about how handsome I was. I took one look at her blog, saw the profile picture of her staring directly at the camera with intense blue eyes and an expression impossible to read, and immediately followed and messaged her my thanks.
We started messaging frequently, talking about such expansive and random things, things I’d never talked about with anyone. Soon we were messaging everyday and I began to realize how hard I was falling. I wanted her, I wanted her so badly.
I hadn’t had a crush on a girl that’d worked out in my favor and I was constantly pining for a girlfriend. I loved my boyfriend, I was still attracted to men and non-feminine genders, but I felt not only “too straight” to be queer at that point, but also like I was missing some sort of affection in my life that only a feminine partner could fill. And I was beginning to wonder if this girl was the person who could finally end my wanting.
The only problem with this girl was that she lived an ocean away from me, in Denmark to be specific. But my feelings became so strong that I couldn’t just be silent anymore: I told her I liked her.
She said she felt the same.
Today, March 2nd, 2017, Hayley Kiyoko released the music video for her single “Sleepover.” It wrecked me.
Hayley has become someone that I not only admire, but someone who makes me feel so validated in who I am. A mixed, Japanese American, queer girl in love with art and comfy clothing. Before Hayley, I’d never felt like there was anyone in the media who was even remotely like me. With great music and a connection I’d never felt in any other celebrity before, I became an avid fan. So naturally, when the video for “Sleepover” was released it only took me minutes to find it on YouTube and watch.
The music video was so much more than I could have anticipated, actualizing all my experiences as a queer feminine person, admiring from a far, living in my head with my fantasies and no hope of ever being able to experience them in reality. With this video I was thrown back into all the years I spent confused and afraid of how I felt and who I was, all the girls I wanted to be with but knew they couldn’t work out, or didn’t work out even when I tried. And as melancholy as these thoughts were at first, it pushed me to the realization:
I love who I’ve become. I love that I’m queer.
And despite how grueling the process of it all has been, I wouldn’t trade all that heartache for a normal life if I could. I wouldn’t give it all up to be the straight girl with no struggles or worries about who she loved as I once believed I would. Even with the pain that it had brought, becoming queer has made me the person I am today.
And I love that person, even if there are still rough edges to be smoothed, I am finally unafraid of who I am.
I don’t want to find poetic words to tell you how they aren’t that terrible - because I know that’d be a lie. They feel that terrible and well-meant phrases like “You’ll get over them” or “There are plenty of fish in the sea” don’t really help.
Yes, you’ll get over it, certainly you will but that changes nothing about the fact that it hurts right now and yes, there are other fish out there but you don’t want some random fish, you want this one.
There’s the one typical gay unrequited crush story that the media (and straight people) seem to assume is the one and only: The unrequited crush on a straight friend.
That is a heartbreaking situation and if you’re currently going through that, you have my deepest sympathy - it really sucks!
But, and I believe this is important, it’s a myth that this is the only story or even that it is the most hurtful one. Unrequited crushes on someone you know is attracted to your gender hurt just as bad.
Depending on the person and the situation, you may even experience them as more hurtful than crushes on straight people (”She likes girls but she just doesn’t like me..”).
It doesn’t help that in media written by straight people it often seems to work just like that: Person A is gay, Person B is gay, obviously they’ll end up together. Life isn’t as easy as that - Person B may be taken, may currently not be interested in dating, may like A as a friend but nothing more, may simply not be into A.
That doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with Person A, and there’s nothing wrong with you either.
A unrequited crush hurts but it doesn’t mean anything, except for “They don’t like you back”. It doesn’t mean you’re unlovable, it doesn’t mean you’re ugly, it doesn’t mean you’re annoying, it doesn’t mean nobody will ever like you, it doesn’t mean your identity is too complicated , it doesn’t mean that you’re not “gay enough”. It says nothing about you.
Making Sherlock himself appear as a stand-in for the busts,
Alluding to the idea that he (as a person) or he (as a historical figure) has a secret inside somewhere and through the breaking down of layers will we finally find what’s been hiding there all along,
BUT THEN you remember there are six busts that are owned by only five people, the fourth victim owned TWO,
And the fourth victim is the only one who was murdered
And now we’re shown that the person hiding the information in the busts was desperate, so desperate they would kill the holder of the busts to keep their secret from escaping, they would kill the fourth owner who had two busts
So here we are noticing this doesn’t follow The Nix Napoleons, Harker didn’t own two busts in that one but this Harker does, and she is the fourth
It makes no sense for Ajay who’s looking for the busts to wait until the second-to-last person to attempt to smash two busts at once. Harker should have been his very first stop, since there was a higher probability that she had the flashdrive. She was the fourth stop. Changing the order doesn’t affect the show at all, Harker could have been first, Welsborough second, Hassan third, and so on to make the episode still make sense. But why include a character that owned two busts at all? Why add that detail? For time, perhaps, but they didn’t need to do that, they could have had six people own six busts and follow the trail the same way.
They gave the fourth owner two busts, then killed her.
Julia: I don’t think that you have ownership of horror of this crime.
Owen: Can I just say, I find this, I find this astonishing.
Julia: I’m not Jewish and I’m not gay, I’m not French, but I still am equally horrified by these crimes.
Owen: This was a – I’m being yelled at, which is incredible.
Julia: Stop talking so [we hadn’t do].
Mark: That’s the headline: ‘Isil wages war on gays in west’. Now you share that view, that basically this was deliberately targeted on one part of the community rather than the freedom to enjoy yourself no matter what your sexual orientation is.
Owen: What are you talking about?!?
Mark: I’m talking about the coverage in the newspapers.
Owen: It’s not some abstract, kind of, he just picked a random club out of nowhere. He picked a club because it was full of people he regarded as deviants. That’s why he attacked the club.
Julia: It’s a hate crime, this is an act of terrorism, it was an attack on gay people, absolutely, it was horrific. However, my mind guesses this man probably would be as horrified by me as a gobby woman as he would – genuinely, genuinely – this is the thing. We don’t know right now. We can speculate, but we don’t know how much of this is motivated by just his homophobia.
Owen: We heard from his own father about his revulsion – why are we trying to deflect? Why are you both pick-
Mark: We are not trying to deflect. We are trying to reflect what is being said by the authorities here and –
Owen: Can I ask, what argument are you trying to pick here?
Mark: I’m now going to quote from what The Telegraph is saying…’his father said…[he] may have targeted the gay community after becoming angry when he saw two men–’
Owen: ‘May have’? He did! Why are you saying this?
Julia: ‘After seeing two men kissing in Miami some months ago’ – he may have been angered by many other things since then!
Owen: I’m sorry. I just find this the most astonishing thing I’ve ever been involved with on television. If he’d walked into a synagogue, and massacred dozens of Jewish people, you wouldn’t be saying what you’re saying now.
Owen: This bizarre attempt to deflect from this –
Mark: We are trying to draw parallels in terrorist attacks on people who are being attacked whether they are enjoying rock music in Paris, whether they are gay people in Florida enjoying a night out.
Julia: I completely accept it, as [Mark] does, that it was a homophobic attack, but for me the issue is there are going to be homophobic people, there’ll be people who hate black people, or who hate gay people, or hate Jewish people. There are going to be people, who are lunatics, who are fanatics –
Owen: Who are “lunatics”! Stop using these words, Julia!
Julia: Is it possible for me to finish one sentence?
Owen: If you stop using words like “lunatic” to talk about homophobic terrorist attacks!
Julia: Well thank you. Whoever these people are, and whatever their motivations are, the key thing is we’re always going to have mad and bad people in the world.
Owen: Mad and bad people. Okay.
Julia: And the key issue is, that they can’t do too much or any harm. When you have free access to assault weapons in a country like America, then they’re able to put their hatred of other people –
Owen: Yes! Obviously!
Julia: – into effect, and do damage. That’s the issue for me.
(discussion between Mark and Julia on gun control and the U.S. …Julia: It is absolutely absurd, if America were not going to do something about gun control after Sandy Hook in 2012, if you’re going to watch six- and seven-year-olds being massacred and you don’t think you need to act, they are never going to act.)
Mark: There’s something else here in The Telegraph coverage, which I think we need to bring up, Owen, in relation to your point. And that is, I think that we’ve got at least a call from a spokesman for Stonewall saying that people would be feeling vulnerable, and basically indicating –
Owen: Oh, you’re going to have an LGBT voice talking about it. Interesting.
Owen: Nothing, carry on. Go on.
Julia: Owen, seriously.
Owen: I’ve had enough of this. I’m going home. Sorry. No way.
Julia: Owen, genuinely, we’re trying to have a civilized conversation.
Owen: I know you’re having it, I don’t want it!
Julia: I know you’re upset, you’re very upset –
Owen: Yeah, I am, I’m very upset. I’m very upset.
Julia: Everyone’s upset and angry about this, but storming off a TV set –
Owen Jones, Mark Longhurst, and Julia Hartley-Brewer discuss the Pulse nightclub shootings, 12 June 2016
so like no offense, but what’s with some magical girl fans deciding that ragging on sailor moon is the new cool thing… yeah that series had plenty of flaws and even as a fan there are entire chunks of it i’d chuck out without hesitation, sure. but it shaped so many girls’ childhoods, and it continues to do so even now in how it’s impacted the magical girl genre. it was so important to girls growing up in the nineties all over the world, and doubly so for gay and bi girls. to date it’s still got one of the largest female casts in the history of ever, with such a strong emphasis on female friendships and accomplishments, and you’ll be hard pressed to find another depiction of a lesbian relationship (where one partner is even butch! holy shit!) that’s as positive, nuanced, and explicitly stated without ever being questioned or objectified. all this in a mainstream series! in a cartoon for little girls, from over twenty years ago! that’s a huge deal!!!!!
i mean if you didn’t enjoy it that’s fair but what’s the point in acting like it’s got no value as a series & pop culture landmark just because you personally did not like the ten episodes you bothered watching
This can never be said enough: there is no timeframe for discovering your sexuality.
Some people have know their whole lives; others find out after marrying with children.
If you were a lesbian last week but decided you are bisexual this week: that’s great, now you have a whole other gender to love.
If you’ve been straight your whole life and now you realize that you’re gay: this community is here for you.
If you thought you were bisexual when you were 12, then pansexual when you were 20, and asexual when you were 30: you are still valid.
Labels are only what you make of them and how you utilize them: do what feels right. Cycle through as many as you need until you find one that feels good, and then toss that one as well when you find something even better.
Your past actions and thoughts/feelings have nothing to do with how you identify right now, and there is no right time to know or be sure.
Sexuality is fluid. Your life will be fluid. And regardless of when you discover yourself, or if you’ve changed your mind, or if you still aren’t sure enough to even put a label on it: there is nothing wrong with you. You will do this on your own time. No one else can work this out for you. There is no deadline, only you and what you decide works for you at the moment, whenever you decide.