no one who can take that fury and violence and drain it out of you and allow you to be you again

dean/cas fic: stars to fill my dream (1.2k)

stars to fill my dream; episode tag, spoilers for 10x22

[AO3]

It’s easier to just remain on the floor.

The depth of the bunker and the constant drone of its machinery make it difficult to gauge time without a clock; Cas doesn’t know how long he lies there, a chill seeping into his sore shoulders as he stares up at the dusty ceiling. The pain ebbs and flows – pain he could banish in an instant. He could heal himself with half a thought; instead, he grits his teeth against the throbs and aches of his vessel trying to right itself, the blood siphoning away from his bruises, the tears in his skin slowly knitting smooth.

He knows that he’s wallowing. It’s a stupid thing to do, stupid and human, and it will achieve nothing, but there is something oddly comforting about it – about allowing himself to dwell on his sorrow, about allowing himself to feel wronged. Rowena had laughed at the idea of him rejecting heaven, and again when he had confessed his lapses, but the truth is he grows more human every day. His emotions have become a maelstrom his grace can barely contain; sooner or later he will drown in them.

Keep reading