no one talks to susan like that

Rare Collection of 100 Introvert Quotes That Will Make You Feel Understood

Originally posted by water-aesthetics

Dear introverts, it’s difficult to understand you. Many people don’t comprehend that solitude and feeling alone are different things. As an introvert, you know that your solitude is a sacred space where you can recharge. We encourage you to have a look at these amazingly thoughtful and profound quotes, which will resonate with all introverts.

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Give Me Polyamorous Power Couple Hamliza Or Give Me Death

~Eliza growing up having constant crushes on both men and women and trying to articulate what she wanted to Angelica but never being able to explain it the way she wanted

~When she’s in a relationship: “I want her” “But you’re dating Peter” “I want him too” “But you have to choose” “Why do I have to choose?” When she’s not in a relationship: “Ooh, Liza’s got a crush! Spill it!” “Well, there’s Arthur and his girlfriend, and Sally and her girlfriend, and Jason, and Mary…” “Whoa whoa whoa, slow down, how many crushes can you have?” “Shush, I’m not done”

~When she meets Alexander and quickly falls into her most serious relationship ever she expects the multiple crush thing to stop (Spoiler alert: it doesn’t)

~Eliza feels like a horrible girlfriend because she’s so happy with Alex but then Susan from work will start up a conversation with her in the break room and she’s instantly all heart eyes

~Tearfully she admits it to Alex one night and he’s thrilled because “no there’s nothing wrong with you I promise!!!! You’re just polyamorous!!!!”

~They spend the rest of the night talking about it

~Eliza needs some time to adjust since she’s spent so much time trying to push it aside that she doesn’t really know what else to do but Alex is very helpful

~The first time she tells him about Susan he’s instantly chanting ask her out over and over until she’s laughing and blushing at his antics

~Half a year later and Eliza is subtly sending Alex updates from her dates while he sends her multiple thumbs up emojis and does the same with his own

~She also sets up him and Angelica and when Angelica gets confused about it she’s like you need to stop sacrificing yourself, let yourself be happy

~They share embarrassing stories about him with each other

~He meets John and them after Eliza in this one and it’s all separately

~Hercules comes first because Eliza’s father invited them to a fancy dinner party and Alex needs a suit and since he’s not well educated on these things yet she comes along to help

~Hercules is instantly smitten with Alex and Alex is instantly 😍 because “Eliza look at him!!! He looks like a damn quarterback but he’s so sweet and gentle!!!!” “Either you ask him out or I will”

~Hercules not-so-subtly likes guiding Alex around even though he thinks he’s being smooth

~“Alex there was really no point for him to put his hands on your waist like that, he could’ve told you to just move to the side one step” “… Yeah but did you see how well they fit there he could probably lift me up so easily” “Wow you’re so easy” “Do I need to bring up that cute barista the other day” “pLEASE DO WE HAVE A DATE THIS WEEKEND”

~By the end of the time there Alex is going out to lunch with a pleased but confused Hercules and Eliza is eagerly awaiting every cute picture and text

~From then on he has to deal with both Eliza and Alex stealing his clothes but he can’t really fight since they both look so cute in his sweaters

~The rest come really quickly after that

~Lafayette meets Hercules before the others because they come in requesting a special dress to be made and Hercules is Gone

~“You… You want a dress with a full skirt… But when you pick at a stitch on it the dress falls down into a ball gown?” “Yes, exactly!” “Can I ask why?” “Why? Well, chéri, it’s because I must ensure that I always am prepared for any eventuality and at the top of that list is a need to always look beautiful but entirely unattainable. Oh, that reminds me! It needs to be floor length with my being in eight-inch heels, I have a pair with me so you can measure accurately” “Oh holy shit”

~It takes them exactly one weekend to be brought into the relationship (Alex sees them and instantly is stunned into silence, Eliza flirts and within two minutes they’re already co-conspirators)

~John is next and he struggles with his sexuality and anything that comes from it so he’s very much in the closet when they meet

~John and Alex immediately are best friends and Alex tries asking him out but John very quickly refuses him and Alex takes a step back

~The combined power of the four of them helps to bring John out of his shell even though he’s very shy about it all so they’re respectful and let him suggest everything and move their relationship forward in his own time

~The first time he asks to spend the night with all of them there’s a little fight over who gets to sleep next to him

~Eliza and Hercules win, Lafayette and Alex pout

~Aaron and Theodosia Burr AKA Theo, Eliza, and Lafayette kill and the rest of them are literally powerless against them

~Dates are really fun with them because now there’s enough people to go on group dates and everyone can have a supposed other instead of it being just the mess of them (They still do it as the whole of them, its just more fun to have the people think they’re all separate couples then watch as they get more affectionate as the night goes on)

~Don’t think I’ve forgotten about the Washingtons

~George favors Alex and Laf, Martha favors Eliza, Angelica, and Theo, George is platonic with John, Hercules, Aaron, and the girls, Martha is platonic with everyone but her girls and sometimes Alex and Lafayette (She likes showing off that she’s perfectly capable of stealing them away from him but is graciously letting them stay with him. George jokes back and tries to rally Laf and Alex to joke too but they need time to come back to that plane of existence)


~Eliza and Alex get so many kisses and cuddles since they’re the heart of it all

~Alex dragging everyone outside to look at the stars

~Lots of hot chocolate when Alex drags them outside

~Lots of spiked hot chocolate when they think Martha isn’t looking

~She totally knows since John keeps giggling but she let’s them have fun


~Eliza starts flirting with him to bug Alex

~Eventually she starts flirting with him for Alex no matter what he says

~“Look at the tension good god” “Betsey I swear…”

~Eliza has a near constant stream of frustrated texts from George

~“Eliza I’m suffering” “What is it this time, dear?” “They’re arguing again and they look two seconds away from making out” “I’m working on it. Have patience” “I can’t have patience anymore I can’t have meetings because this happens in every one”

~All the hate sex

~All the Jeffmads+Alex hate sex (I would include Aaron but the frustrations are over Washington but Aaron knows why Alex is favored by him and has worked out his own balance with George so he’s not jealous)

~Alex pulls them into the dynamic and they finally understand

~George doesn’t mind them finding out, he’s just glad the tension is gone (Though he has cut more than a few work days short because he walked in on them fucking on his desk because Alex wanted to tease him and he can’t handle that so he just walks out)

~There’s multiple incidents where they try to tease Angelica but she is Not Having It and takes great joy in showing them why

~Angelica Schuyler is my queen she wouldn’t handle any bullshit from them


~Elizabeth “If you touch one hair on my girl’s head I will personally kick your ass from here to California don’t test me” Schuyler

~Obviously she moves in with them immediately and spends every night sleeping between Alex and Eliza

~When things become too much in the city Eliza and her take a trip down to Mount Vernon for a girls-only retreat

~Maria and John never start a romantic relationship but they hit it off very quickly since they’re both abuse survivors (Her with James, him with his father) and John is more healed than she is but there’s wounds he’s still licking and sometimes its nice to just spend the day in silence with someone who understands that company is more important than conversation

~Eliza and Alex creating a crazy huge family for themselves which has confusing interconnecting romantic and platonic relationships but they love it so much they can’t describe it

~Whenever anyone asks about it Alex shows them the graph he’s made for them all

~Everyone has a specific color and one poor soul asks why he chose those colors and spends the next 45 minutes listening to him talking about why each of his signifs was given that very color choice


So I got a bad thought. What do aliens think about our music? What do they think about the “try not to sing” challenges? I know that whenever I hear music I IMMEDIATELY try to sing along, and I know I’m not the only one. I’ve also seen posts about what they think about us talking or making noises to communicate and I can just picture their confusion at our singing. “Oh don’t you dare look back just keep your eyes on me. I said your holding back. She said shut up and dance with me….” “Human-Susan… what are you doing? What are those noises? Are you in pain?” “Hey my voice does not sound like I’m dying” *cue silent treatment (which also confuses the alien)*

All Night Long

Originally posted by iwishicouldfindthewords

Originally posted by locareprimidas2

Request: Imagine meeting Juice in a carpark at 3am and he’s worried about your safety and it makes you cry a bit because you feel like you have no one to call a friend anymore and Juice stays with you all day.



It wasn’t unusual for your best friend to turn up at your house unannounced. But usually you were home when she did.
You parked your car in the driveway and hopped out, slinging your bag over your shoulder and bumping the door shut with your hip.
Knowing her, she’d probably forgot to pay her power bill or buy groceries and was taking full advantage of your open door policy. You didn’t mind, because when your cupboards weren’t stocked, or your water was running cold you knew you could turn to her.
You only hoped that she hadn’t woken up George. Your fiancé had had a late night at work on the night shift and you had slipped out as silently as you could when you left for work this morning.
But the office had been quiet and your boss had decided to let you all go home early.
You walked quickly to the front door, humming to yourself as you went and you swung the door shut behind you before dropping your bag to the floor.
“You better not be eating my oreos!”
You kicked off your shoes and walked into the lounge.
No one was in there.
You headed for the kitchen and when you saw that it was empty too you frowned and put your hands on your hips.
And that was when you heard it.
A moan.
Coming from down the hall.
You gulped and almost instantly felt sick to your stomach.
With careful footsteps you crept down the hallway.
You took another step.
Another moan.
Two more steps.
“Fuck! Yes!”
One more step.
You stopped outside your bedroom door.
With a shaking hand you turned the door knob slowly, careful not to make any noise.
Another moan.
You took a deep breath and threw the door open.
It was almost comical, the way they jumped,  their eyes open wide like a deer caught in headlights.
Scrambling to grab at the sheets and cover their naked bodies.
Their mouths bobbing open like  fucking goldfish.
Your fiancé, in bed with your best friend. Your best friend, in bed with your fiancé.
Your fiancé.
Your best friend.

You want to deny the nightmare before you; it just had to be a nightmare, right?
Not him. Not her.
You had always thought you’d known what you would do in a situation like this. You thought you’d fly into a rage, pummel his chest with your fists, drag her out of your bed by her hair, scream until your throat was raw.
But you didn’t do any of those things.
You stood, frozen with shock, only able to stare.
In the faint distance you hear George, stuttering his explanation.
The cliche ‘its not what it looks like’ as he stands, clutching the pillow to his crotch as if you’d never seen his dick before.
Now she was scrambling, wrapping the sheet around her naked body as she slid off the bed.
You saw her lips, mouthing ‘it just sort of happened’ and ‘it doesn’t mean anything’ but you didn’t hear her.
You didn’t hear him pleading with you.
Your mind was racing but you still stood, unmoving.
“We didn’t mean for this to happen!”
Something snapped inside you and you slid the ring off your finger, throwing it in his face before clenching your fist and swinging it into his jaw.
“Fuck you!” You screamed.
“Fuck both of you!”


“Come on, (y/n). Cheer up.”
“Cheer up?! Are you fucking kidding me Chelsea?”
Your sister rolled her eyes and slammed another shot before forcing a glass into your hand.
“I didn’t mean it like that. Just ya know, maybe its time to move on.”
“Jesus christ.” You took the shot and gestured to the bartender for another round. “You do realise I was engaged, right? To be married?”
“Look, I get its a shitty situation. He’s a scumbag and she’s a hoe. I get it. But you cant dwell on it forever.”
“Its been a week.”
“Thats six days too long, babe.”
You both took a shot.
“Plus, I never liked him anyway.” She shrugged.
“You didn’t?
“He wasn’t right for you. He wears crocs, (y/n). In public.”
You laughed and took another shot before spinning on your stool and looking around the bar.
“What am i gonna do?”
“Get drunk. Fuck a stranger.” Chelsea shrugged.
“Great advice, sis.” You rolled your eyes. “Really though, where do I go from here?”
Your sister sighed and turned in her seat too and she leant back against the abr.
“Honestly? I don’t know what you’re gonna do. But I know who Im gonna do.”
She winked at you and slinked off her chair, walking confidently to the table at the back of the room, where three guys sat.
You sighed and ordered another shot. For now, you were allowed to feel sorry for yourself.

“Your call has been redirected to a prerecorded voice messaging system. Please-“
You hit end and sighed.
Why was it that no one ever answered the phone when you needed them too.
It was the third number you’d tried. First, you’d tried Sarah, your friend. And then another friend, but she had sent you to voicemal. And then you’d tried Susan from work. God you didn’t even fucking like Susan, but you just needed someone to talk to.
As much as you loved your sister, and her coping methods, you just needed to voice your thoughts.
Nothing was making any sense anymore and no matter how much you drank you couldn’t wipe the memory of that day from replaying in your mind.
You didn’t know which betrayal was worse.
Absentmindedly you rubbed the spot on your finger where your ring used to sit. At least you hadn’t married him yet. Thats gotta be a positive, right? Silver lining or some shit.
“Hurry up!”
You looked up from your spot on the bathroom counter and sighed.
You couldn’t hide in the bathroom of a bar forever.
“Just a sec!”
You splashed some water on your face and dabbed it dry wiht a paper towel before you headed back to the table.
“(Y/n)! Where’d you go?!”
You slid back into the booth next to your drunk sister, who threw her arms around you.
The guys from earlier had been shouting drinks all night, and all though you didn’t mind their company, all you wanted was to hang out with your sister. Alone.
“So, (y/n), tell me about yourself.” The guy in front of you smiled. TIm, you think his name was.
“Id rather not.” You sighed.
Chelsea nudged your arm and you rolled your eyes.
“(Y/n) here just got out of a shitty relationship.”
You frowned and the guys looked at you curiously.
“He cheated on her.” Chelsea whispered, loudly. Vodka always did go straight to her head.
“With her best friend!”
You lifted the glass in front of you and downed it before slamming it down on the table.
“Well you know what they say,” Tim said, a smirk on his face.
You looked at him with raised eye brows, an unamused look on your face.
“The best way to get over someone is to get under someone else.”
You grimaced.
“Im going home.”
Chelsea grabbed your arm and tugged you back into your seat but you shook her off.
“Are you coming?”
Chelsea looked between you and the guys who were watching her expectantly.
“Im gonna stay, sis. You should too!”
“Suit yourself.”
You turned your back and headed out of the club, trying- but failing to ignore the laughter coming from the table and tears stung at your eyes.
For a moment you considered ordering another round of drinks and getting black out wasted.
But everything in this bar was becoming too much; the Bon Jovi blasting through the speakers, the clinking of glasses, the raised voices battling to be heard over each other.
You decided against it and headed for the door.
The night air hit you and you tugged your jacket tighter around yourself.
You walked to the carpark and sat down on the curb, pulling out your phone and dialled for a taxi.
The operator told you there’d be an hour wait, and after trying the only other cab company in the area and being told the same thing, you sighed and booked it anyway.
Why had your sister dragged you to the bar furthest from your motel?!
It was too far to walk, and you didn’t really have the energy.
Looks like you’d just have to wait.


You tried the lighter again, hoping desperately to see a flame but just like last time the lighter sparked before dying out.
“Need a light?”
You jumped and turned to look behind you.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you. I just um.. I have a lighter,” The guy said, holding out an old zippo lighter and a warm smile on his face.
You flashed him a smile and took the lighter. Your hand met his and you couldn’t help but notice how warm they were.
You lit your cigarette. It was your fifth smoke since you’d come outside but you always smoked like a prostitute when you were angry. or nervous. Or drunk, for that matter.
“Are you waiting for someone?” He asked.
You passed the lighter back to him and he shoved it deep into the pocket of his hoodie.
“Cab.” You answered and took a long drive. “They said it’d be an hour. But that was well over an hour ago.”
“Huh.” He sat down next to you.
You turned to him and raised an eyebrow.
“You shouldn’t be out here by yourself, I’ll wait with you.”
“Its okay. I’ll be fine, really.”
“I dont mind.” His smile was warm and he seemed genuine. You shrugged and he pulled his own pack of cigarettes out of his pockets.
You looked at him and this time you really took him in.
His mohawk, his tribal tattoos on either side, the plain black hoodie he wore. His warm brown eyes.
You both sat in silence as you smoked, but it wasn’t uncomfortable.
“Im (y/n).”
He smiled warmly at you. “Juan Carlos.”
You smiled back at him. “You really don’t need to wait with me, Im sure they wont be long.”
“Its fine, really. Pretty girl like you shouldn’t be on these streets alone.”
You blushed and looked away.
The streetlights shone down on you, illuminating your features and Juice studied you the best he could without staring.
Why did he even care? He didn’t know you. Why did some stranger seem to care more about you then your own friends and family.
The emotions you’d been fighting to hold in all week suddenly washed over you and you turned away as a tear rolled down your cheek.
Juice took once last drag of his cigarette before flicking the butt into the gutter. He heard a sniffle and noticed your shoulders slowly shaking.
For a second he was alarmed. What had he done?!
He didn’t want to make you uncomfortable but he couldn’t just ignore you crying.
Fuck it, he thought.
He didn’t speak. He just wrapped his arms around you and held you tightly.
Which only seemed to make you cry harder and he rocked you slowly.
“Fuck.” You laughed humourlessly and wiped your tears away.
“Im sorry.”
“Dont apologise.”
You turned to him. His brown eyes were filled with worry and a sad smile was on his lips.
He looked into your eyes. God, there was something so beautiful about eyes that have just cried. Glistening with unshed tears and wet lashes, like an open window into your soul.
He was overwhelmed by the emotion you held in your eyes. Your face was almost blank, but when he looked into your eyes he felt every emotion that had washed over you. Your eyes betrayed you, letting him see all the pain you’d been fighting so hard to hold in.
He rubbed your back gently before pulling away and rummaged through his pockets.
You looked away, cursing yourself for breaking down in front of the cute Puerto Rican boy.
When you looked back he had a joint in his hands and he gave you a sheepish grin.
You laughed and he lit it, taking a long drag before offering it to you.
“You smoke?”
“Yeah,” You shrugged and took it between your fingers.  “I mean, I haven’t in years. My fiancé hates it.”
“Your engaged?”
You blew out a long cloud before shaking your head.
“Not any more.”
He nodded slowly and silence fell between you once more, as you passed the joint back and forth.
“Everythings so fucked up.”
Juice stood, tossing the burnt out roach into the street.
He held out his hand and you looked up at him with raised eyebrows.
“Come on,” He smiled. “You can tell me everything over pancakes.”
You smiled and bit your lip, checking the street to make sure your cab hadn’t finally arrived. It hadn’t, and you were strangely relieved.
“Its 3am. Is anything even open?”
He nodded. “Theres an all-night diner in the next street. They do this thing called the Juan Carlos special. Some genius invented it, its world famous. You really should try it.”
You grinned and took hold of his warm hand and he pulled you up, that goddamned smile all over his face.


“Jesus.” You whispered under your breath as the waitress placed the food on your table.
Two plates each loaded with a four inch stack of pancakes, two waffles, a jug of maple syrup, banana, whipped cream, and a shit ton of bacon. The ‘Juan Carlos Special’.
Juice grinned and tucked in, stabbing into the pile of bacon with his fork.
“You not hungry?” He asked with a mouthful of pancake.
You laughed and shook your head. “I don’t know where to start.”
“Bacon. Always start with bacon.”
You picked up your fork and stabbed a piece of bacon, moaning when the flavour hit your tongue.
Juice grinned across the table.
“So, tell me everything.”
“You really wanna know?” You sighed.
He shrugged and lifted the jug or maple syrup and poured the whole thing onto his plate.
“Only if you want to.” He waved a forkful of pancake in the air. “Look, I’m shit at giving advice. But sometimes it helps, ya know. Talking to a stranger. Outside perspective and all that.”
“He fucked my best friend.” You blurted out.
He paused, forkful of pancake hallway to his mouth.
You nodded.
And just like that you opened up. You told him everything. You told him about your best friend and how you’d met in kindergarten. You told him about your teenage years where you and her would get up to all kinds of mischeif. You told him about the first time you met your fiancé, about your relationship, about the proposal and moving in together. Everything. Right down to when you opened that door and saw her riding his dick.
And he listened. Like, really listened. He hung off every word, asked you questions, interrupted you with mutters of ‘douchbag’ and ‘asshole’.
“So my sister dragged me out tonight to try cheer me up but she ditched me for some random guys. And no one else answered their phones.” You sighed. “I just feel like I have no one.. ya know? Like Ive lost everything.”
“Gimme your phone.” Juice said and pushed away his now empty plate.
You raised an eyebrow.
“You buy me pancakes and then rob me?”
He chuckled and held out his hand.
With a roll of your eyes you handed him your cell phone.
His fingers went to work and you watched him.
You didn’t even know this kid. And yet he was here for you; more than any of your friends had been. He had listened more than your own sister. He made you feel so.. comfortable.
You looked away from him and eyed the diner. Its checkered floors, shiny red booths, CocaCola posters from the fifties framed on the walls. Neon lights hung in the window and near the back was an old jukebox playing some Meatloaf balled.
He handed you back your phone and you glanced at the screen.
New Contact. Juice.
“My friends call me Juice.” He explained.
You hit edit on the screen. “I prefer Juan, if you don’t mind?”
His whole face lit up and he was thankful you were too busy looking at your screen to notice the blush creeping up his neck.
“Whenever you need anything. Talk, or pancakes. Call me.”
“Thank you, Juan. Really.” You smiled.
“Anytime. So tell me, how do you feel about revenge?”


“Are you seriously breaking in?” You hissed.
He shushed you and you glanced around nervously while he hovered over the lock.
“Juan, seriously. Im not really keen on getting arrested.”
He sniggered and pushed the door open before reaching inside and flicking the light switch.
“Calm down, (y/n). You aint a crim just yet.”
He pulled you inside and shut the door behind you.
Your eyes widened as you took in the room; the pristine white walls, bob marley posters. Shelves stacked with different jars and bongs. And of course, that undeniable smell.
“So you work here or something?”
He shook his head and headed behind the counter.
“Nah, I own it.”
“Seriously? You own Clear Passages?”
“Sorta.” He shurgged. “Twenty percent anyway.”
You nodded and paced the store,your arms swinging by your sides as eyed the different strands on the shelves.
Juice rummaged under the counter.
“You sure you wanna do this?” He asked as he pulled out the container he had been searching for.
You bit your lip and nodded.
Juice searched your face for any uncertainty before nodding and sliding the container into his pocket.
He turned and grabbed a sachet of the shelf behind him before heading out from behind the counter.
“C’mon.” He grabbed your hand and pulled you towards the exit, flicking off the light as he went.
You entered the street and he locked the door behind the two of you.
“Its too far to walk, and I don’t have my car. The cabs-“
“I’ll take us.” Juice interrupted.
You walked in silence, Juice leading the way.
The streets were becoming quiet as the early hours of the morning rolled in and you shoved your hands deep into the pockets of your jacket.
You neared a gas station and Juice pointed into the car park next door.
“My rides the one in the corner, you can wait there if ya want?”
He headed inside and you nodded, stopping at a vending machine and pressing the button for a can of coke.
The can dropped and you reached inside and lifted it out. You cracked the lid open as you walked and took a sip.
The car park was nearly empty and Juice had pointed to the corner.
You lit a cigarette before perching on the hood of the sedan and leant back, studying the stars shining in the night sky.
A few minutes later Juice left the store, plastic bag in his hand and you propped yourself up on your elbows as he neared.
He sat on the hood next to you and took a sip of the coke you offered him.
“Get everything?”
He nodded.
“His house or hers first?”
“His. He works nights so he wont be home.”
Juice nodded and leant back against the car and you both looked up at the stars.
“Whose car is this?”
You turned to him, your brows furrowed together.
“You pointed to it.”
He shook his head, an amused look in his eyes.
“I pointed to that.”
You looked where he pointed to the carpark next to you. The carpark occupied with a Harley Davidson Dyna.
You slid off the car and glanced between the bike and Juice, who was now smirking at you.
You walked around the bike and immediately noticed the fuel tank. More accurately, you noticed the M16 with the Grim Reaper scythe on a pole, and the words that made you freeze. ‘Sons Of Anarchy’.
You turned back to him,  eyes slightly wide.
“Your in a gang?! Jesus, you don’t look like a biker.”
“Firstly, we’re a club, not a gang. And what does a biker look like, exactly?”
You shrugged. “I dunno. Your not even wearing any leather? And you don’t have a beard. Or a potbelly.”
He chuckled. “Sorry to disappoint. I can grow a pretty great moustache, though.”
You scrunched up your face and he laughed again before handing you his helmet.
“This really not a problem?” He asked you as he swung his leg over.
“Nope.” You answered as you bucked the strap beneath your chin.
“Have you ever been on a bike before?”
He grinned. “Hold on tight. And lean with me.”
You took a deep breath and nodded before holding onto his shoulder and swinging your leg over the bike.
You held onto his sides and he rolled his eyes before pulling your hands tighter around him.
He kicked up his kickstand and started the bike. The engine rumbled beneath you and you squeezed him tightly.
He turned and met your eye.
“You okay?”
You nodded.
Slowly the bike began to move, and once he entered the street he turned the throttle, gaining speed.
You gulped as he turned a corner but you leant with him like he had told you, despite wanting to lean in the opposite direction and he sped up, making your hair blow out beneath the helmet.
Gradually you relaxed, your grip around his waist becoming looser and you sat up straight.
The scenery rushed past you in a blur and a grin spread over your face.
You had never felt more alive.


He stopped walking and stood next to you, glancing in the direction you were glaring.
“Whats wrong?”
“Thats her car.”
He saw the pain in your eyes as you looked at your best friends car, parked where you used to park yours; in the drive way of the house you had shared with your fiance.
He grabbed your hand and gave it a squeeze.
“Come on.”
You nodded and moved forward, dropping his hand.
Juice couldn’t help but smirk as he watched you creep across the street, your body hunched and your head glancing from side to side and he snorted as you army rolled behind a bush.
He walked casually across the street and smirked as you hissed at him to hide.
He knelt down next to you and you turned to him with wild eyes.
“Do you want us to get caught?” You whispered angrily.
“Jesus christ, we’re not breaking the law.”
“Sorry, I forgot you were a gangster.” You rolled your eyes. “You probably don’t care if we go to jail.”
He fought a laugh. “Its a club, not a gang. And its your house, (y/n). You have a key.”
You nodded and pulled the hood of your jacket up and pulled it as low as it could go.
“So whats the plan, Chief?” Juice whispered.
“You start out here. I’ll head inside.”
Juice nodded and watched as you crept to the front door, silently fumbling with the keys.
Meanwhile he pulled the can of spray paint out of the bag and got to work.
You pushed the door shut behind you, careful not to make any noise.
You felt sick as you looked around the house. The moon was bright tonight and the room was dimly lit. After a while your eyes adjusted and you looked around the room.
The photos of you and your fiancé were still littered over the mantel piece and everything looked just as you’d left it. Except the heels scattered next to the door, and the coat draped over the back of the sofa.
You gulped and tip toed into the kitchen.
Every Wednesday afternoon you had baked. Brownies, cakes, cookies. You had always liked baking and George had always loved tasting whatever you had cooked up.
No matter what, there was always some fresh baking in your cupboards.
Which was perfect, because you knew when George got home he would head to the cupboard and eat whatever baking he could find, without a second thought.
You placed the container Juice had given you in the cupboard, smiling to yourself.
George wouldn’t even notice that these brownies were.. special.
Next you headed for the refrigerator.
Your best friend staying here meant that you didn’t need to make two stops tonight.
Every morning she had a big glass of orange juice.
You pulled the carton out of the fridge and opened it carefully before dumping the powder in and shaking it gently, making sure it dissolved.
It was only a laxative, completely natural, Juice had reassured you.
You knew she had a big meeting tomorrow, and you smirked. Its a shame she would be glued to the toilet.
You had just placed the carton back into the fridge when Juice entered the room.
“You ready?” He whispered.
“Almost.” You reached for the drawer and pulled out a large knife. You gave him a wink and grinned.
His eyes went wide as he saw the wild look in your eyes and the smirk on your face and he grabbed your wrist.
“Are you crazy?! Put it down.”
“What are you gonna do?! Stab her?!” He hissed at you.
You rolled your eyes and left the kitchen, Juice hot on your heels and you stopped when you reached the lounge.
“Hold this.” You passed him the knife.
“Why, you wanna get my prints on the murder weapon?!”
You scoffed and tip toed over to the mantelpiece.
Carefully you lifted the first frame. It was a photo of you and George on your first vacation together.
You pulled the sleeve of your jacket over your hand and pressed your palm against the frame, silently shattering the glass.
You placed the frame back on the mantel and repeated the process with the remaining frames.
Juice watched you and when you were finished you walked back to him and grabbed the knife.
He followed you through the front door and pulled it shut behind him.
You locked the door and shoved the keys back in your pocket.
“Whats the knife for?” He whispered.
You walked across the driveway and stabbed the knife into the front tire of her car.
The air hissed out and you pried the knife loose before stabbing each of the remaining three tires.
Juice had crossed the street and you walked over and stood next to him.
He draped an arm around your shoulder and you both looked at the house.
Juice  had done well with the spray paint and you smiled as you looked at the work he’d done.
‘Cheat’ was spray painted in large letters on the garage door. He’d written ‘homewrecker’ on the bonnet of your friends car and the walls of the house were littered with other profanities, and next to the front window of the house he had painted a large penis.
“Nice touch, Picasso.”
He bowed and you both laughed.
“So what now?”
“We wait a few hours and then I ring his work and make an anonymous tip about the staff using drugs. If he eats the brownies he’ll fail the drug test and lose his job.”
You smirked. Sure, a part of you felt bad for what you’d done. But it was only a very small part of you, and you pushed those thoughts to the back of your mind.
Slowly Juice pulled you away and you walked together in silence back to his bike were you’d left it further down your street.
He passed you the helmet  and you both hopped onto the bike.
You pressed your cheek to his back as he rode through the night, the crisp air brushing over you and you closed your eyes.
He smelled good, his cologne mixing with the faint smell of weed and the scent filled your lungs.
You clung to him tightly, his warm body pressed against yours.
You felt light, like all your baggage had finally been left behind you. Who knew all it would take was one night with a Puerto Rican biker boy.
The bike slowed and you finally took in your surroundings.
He had brought you to the water tower on the outskirts of town.
“Come on, we gotta hurry.”
He dragged you to the ladder and you shook your head.
“No way. I ain’t climbing up there!” You crossed your arms over your chest.
Juice rolled his eyes and tugged your elbow gently.
“Trust me, it’ll be worth it.”
His eyes were full of promise and pleading and you sighed.
“Fine. But if i fall to my death please make sure they dress me in something cute. I don’t wanna be buried in these jeans.”
And you started to climb.
He didn’t know why you disliked those jeans so much. From where he was looking, they looked great on you. Although he was climbing the ladder beneath you, and honestly it wouldnt matter what you were wearing, this view made your ass look great.
It only took a few minutes to reach the top and you stood shakily on the platform.
“Holy shit.” You whispered.
You could see everything from up here.
The shining lights of all the houses in Charming and even Lodi.
Everything was so small.
Juice sat down, swinging his legs off the edge and resting his arms against the lower railing.
You copied him and he pulled out another joint and lit it before offering it to you.
Together you shared the joint and together you watched as the large glowing sphere of the sun rose slowly into the dull morning sky. It cast sunbeams in every direction as it illuminated the small town, like an arsonist setting the sky on fire.
Below you in the trees birds began to chirp a background melody as the pure scattered light lit up every inch of the land below you.
Your breath paused in your lungs and you wished time would stop.
In this moment everything was forgotten. You forgot the heartbreak you’d endured, the betrayal. You forgot the boring motel room that was now your temporary home. You forgot that no one had been there for you when you needed them most.
But the one thing you didn’t forget was Him.
The first night you spent with Juan Carlos was a memory that would live on inside you forever.


@i-want-to-be-watered-by-roger @danleto97

If you want to be added to the tag list for any, or all the Sons please let me know x

  • One: Master? Master who? I don't know him, have you met Susan, she's my granddaughter!?
  • Two: Where is Jamie? Sorry, what did you say? Master who? JAMIE?!
  • Three: Ah yes, the Master. I totally hate him and steal his sandwiches. (NopleasedontgoitsboringhereSTAY)
  • Four: I'd rather jump down a radio tower than talk to that evil fucker!!!
  • Five: No no, of course I believe you, Master. You're here to help me. See those Cyberman? Help me with them while I... run away. Also: Burn!
  • Seven: Care for a motorbike ride? This is Ace, btw. She likes cats, too!
  • Eight: Sorry, do I know you?
  • Nine: Iwishthemasterwashereiwishthemasterwashereiwish....
  • Oh, hello Rose, nice to meet you!
  • Eleven: Master who?
  • Twelve: I was totally in love with that dude, can't you tell?
Epic Movie (Re)Watch #189 - Spy

Spoilers Below

Have I seen it before: Yes

Did I like it then: Yes.

Do I remember it: Yes.

Did I see it in theaters: Yes.

Was it a movie I saw since August 22nd, 2009: Yes. #358

Format: Blu-ray

1) So the movie starts by introducing us to a sort of typical white guy spy. A James Bond type, but without the British accent (for some reason). It starts with the familiar, the usual tropes, before really fucking them over when Jude Law (who for some reason is trying to do an American accent and he’s not doing it well) sneezes and accidentally kills a guy.

Originally posted by foxmovies

Which is an excellent joke to introduce is into the film’s wonderfully strong sense of humor. If you think you know how a trope is going to play out, you’re probably wrong. In fact, the entire opening sequence is a strong representative of how the film blends quality action with quality humor which will be consistent throughout the film.

2) Melissa McCarthy as Susan Cooper.

Originally posted by replicants6

McCarthy is the foundation on which the rest of the film is built. From the very first minute we spend with her character she is established as not only good at her job but incredible at it. It is easy in spy spoofs for the main spy to be a bumbling idiot, but Susan’s continued competence is in fact one of the key factors which makes this film as incredible as it is. Especially considering the fact she does have some insecurities at the beginning, insecurities which are largely unfounded because she is fucking good at her job. McCarthy is able to have incredible warmth, heart, and vulnerability as Susan which she doesn’t always show in her film roles. But also when the script calls for it she can have this amazing brashness and humorous loudmouth/angry quality. Susan goes through an incredible transformation from the moment we meet her to the moment we leave her and McCarthy is able to play that absolutely perfectly. It’s HER story, it’s HER movie, and we are just along for the ride in an amazing way.

3) “Who Else Can You Trust?” is abbreviated in the film’s opening credits (I own the full version found on the album) but feels like a real Bond song with the opening credits feeling like a real Bond opening credits. This is part of the reason Spy is able to differentiate itself from other spy comedies like Austin Powers. It takes the genre, action, and stakes seriously throughout. This is real danger and true villains who are trying to get their hands on a nuke. It’s not like “oh, it’s funny because the spy is stupid and the bad guy’s want to kill all cats” or something like that. This sort of silly comedies can and have worked in the past, but Spy’s comedy is born out of its strong sense of characters and performances from the actor. Not by making fun of the genre, but embracing it in a wonderfully fun and funny way.

4) Jude Law’s Bradley Fine often times steps over the line which divides nice guy from Nice Guy™.

Susan: “Could you imagine me as a spy?”

[Fine, who has seen how badass she was in training, laughs at the idea.]

He’s an idiot and kind of a jackass. He may not actively be trying to belittle her but that’s what he does in pretty much 99% of their conversations. He’ll talk about how great she is but he gives her chores which she is overqualified for like picking up his laundry. It’s frustrating but then it’s supposed to be. It’s one of the key conflicts in the film that Susan is underestimated and belittled by all those around her because she’s not what a spy is “supposed” to be like.

Originally posted by summersroot

5) This film is pretty freaking great, but it could’ve used a little more Morena Baccarin.

Honestly, everything could use a little more Morena Baccarin.

6) What the fuck is this bullshit? He’s secretly SLEEPING with this bad guy and yet…

Fine [upon being caught by villainess Rayna with a gun]: “An awfully big gun for such a little girl.

Originally posted by mulder-scully-gifs

7) Allison Janney is someone who I love in literally everything I’ve seen her in. Even when she’s pretty much the straight man in this, the CIA director, I am just drawn to her. I just really fucking love Allison Janney.

8) Jason Statham as Ford.

Originally posted by gendrybaratheonn

Holy fucking shit. Somehow Jason Statham is in a movie with modern day comedic legend Melissa McCarthy and ends up being the funniest person in the film. He is totally committed to Ford’s arrogance, jackass qualities, intensity, and hyper masculinity in a way which is 100% hysterical! It’s a tricky business because Ford doesn’t think he’s funny. Ford doesn’t think he’s weird or an idiot, and Statham plays it like that knowing it will derive the most laughs. Ford is basically the super testosterone filled action hero in every movie ever and Statham doubles that while stealing every single fucking scene he’s in. And his chemistry with McCarthy is off the charts funny! Melissa McCarthy is the bedrock this film rests upon but Jason Statham is the fucking cherry on top (I think I’m mixing my metaphors but whatever), he is absolutely amazing.

9) I love this because it makes me angry.

CIA Director Elaine Crocker [about why Fine pressured Susan to stay out of the field]: “Yeah, he sniped you.”

Originally posted by simplybridal

THIS IS REAL! THIS IS FUCKING REAL! MEN IN CHARGE KEEPING WOMEN DOWN BECAUSE THEY’RE WOMEN, WHETHER THEY KNOW THAT’S WHAT THEY’RE DOING OR NOT! GAH! I mean, the film including it is fucking awesome and handled really fucking well but holy shit it pisses me off that this is even a thing.

10) I find it endlessly frustrating (and I think I’m supposed to) that all of Susan’s aliases and spy gear are not the “sexy” stuff but things which could be considered “frumpy”. Why can’t she be a gorgeous baroness with a super slick ride and men on her shoulders? Have you seen Melissa McCarthy? She’s fucking gorgeous.

11) Melissa McCarthy has a very strong chemistry with Miranda Hart, who plays Susan’s best friend Chummy in the film. Their relationship in many ways is much more important than the ones Susan has with any other character in the film, including Fine. And you understand how good friends they are with each other as the movie continues. It’s really great.

Originally posted by ludi-lin

12) Ugh.

Ford [after McCarthy points out he didn’t even like Fine]: “It’s called the rivalry of men!”

Originally posted by samisoffthewall

As a man I can say, “The rivalry of men,” is the equivalent of, “who’s dick is bigger,” because society has convinced us that we’re not a “real man” unless we’re the “biggest” man in the room. It’s fucking stupid.

13) One of the key things that makes Susan as strong a character as she is are her motivations. You understand what is driving her VERY clearly: her memory of Fine. It evolves into more than that as the film goes, it evolves into her just doing her job, but you understand why she does things which are outside of her norm. It’s because she is in pain over Fine’s (supposed) death and needs to make right by him. It’s clear and powerful and helps make the film as good as it is.

14) Aldo - as portrayed by Peter Serafinowicz (legendary character actor who can be found in Shaun of the Dead, Guardians of the Galaxy, the voice of Darth Maul in Star Wars: Episode I, and most recently “The Tick” on Amazon) is incredibly funny. Every overly sexualized moment with him & just his general chemistry with McCarthy makes him a worthy addition to the already stellar ensemble cast.

Originally posted by foxmovies

15) As I mentioned in note #10, I don’t understand why McCarthy is given all the frumpy gadgets and covers when she can pull this off:

She’s fucking gorgeous.

16) I’ve mentioned this with a few pairings before, but McCarthy and Statham have this intense/incredible comedic chemistry which is born out of their strong bickering. This is most plainly seen when they’re both at the hotel/casino arguing and I think the fact I’ve mentioned it so often is just a sign of how well put together this fucking cast is.

17) There is an incredible sense of tension that plays through most scenes (for example: when Chummy is trying to kill power to the casino) which ties into what I mentioned in note #3: it helps elevate the film over silly spy spoof into this engaging and riveting action comedy.

18) Rose Byrne as Rayna.

Originally posted by spiderliliez

Rayna was apparently originally written as a 19 year old girl (this according to IMDb’s trivia section), which makes a LOT of sense considering how much of a BRAT she is. Don’t get me wrong, Byrne is absolutely excellent at giving of the appearance of this elegant and sophisticated socialite. But that’s where the humor is from. The juxtaposition between what you expect from her (a refined Bond villainess) and what she actually is: a moronic spoiled brat. Byrne plays the humor and juxtaposition perfectly. The key part is that - like Statham - she’s not actively going for laughs. She’s not hyping up the stupidity or the silliness, acting like Rayna knows she’s stupid, but instead trusting the script and playing it in a way where Rayna takes herself seriously. And THAT’S the gag! And it’s great!

19) At this point Rayna has called Susan a child multiple times, compared her to a depress homeless clown, and insulted her ability to address herself.

Susan [to Rayna]: “Why are you being so nice to me?”

Originally posted by yourreactiongifs

20) I’m starting to sound like a broken record but McCarthy’s ability to hold her own against how Byrne plays Rayna’s horridness is a testament to her talents as an actress and the chemistry between the pair. God, this movie is just so fucking funny.

21) I mentioned earlier that McCarthy gets the chance to play Susan as both more reserved and brash. It is when McCarthy is acting like “Amber Valentine” (the cover Susan uses to make Rayna trust her) that she gets to show off this aggression WONDERFULLY. It’s also wildly cathartic because a lot of people - including Rayna - have just been consistently putting Susan down for the ENTIRE film. Now she gets to go off on them and it’s amazing.

Originally posted by myawesomeblog99

22) I’d like to point out that very few women die or get “fridged” in this film, not when compared to the men. I think during the entire movie only one woman dies but that’s a nice proportion swap to most male dominated action films. (How many women have died on Bond movies versus the men?)

(GIF source unknown [if this is your GIF please let me know].)

23) The Budapest car chase scene is one of the strongest action set pieces in the film. It’s filled with this intense and enjoyable action, sprinkled with just enough jokes to make it hysterical, it’s well choreographed, and just altogether a fun ride.

Originally posted by spy-it

24) But even the Budapest car chase can’t compare with the kitchen fight.

Originally posted by fuckyeahnargisfakhri

The action is INCREDIBLY well done. The fight choreography and energy throughout is just truly kinetic and it just grabs your attention and NEVER lets go. It’s just insanely well done and by far the best scene of the film.

25) I would like to point out - similarly as I did in note #4 - that Fine is kind of a jerk to Susan. He attributes her continued success to Rayna’s inexperience just casually, like it’s no big deal, not realizing he just undermined all the amazing things she just did in this film. Meanwhile the creepy sexpot of Aldo supports Susan and reminds her she’s been doing an incredible job in this film.

Originally posted by findreactions

26) When Susan learns that Fine is alive, her entire initial motivation for going the distance of being a spy is gone. But that doesn’t matter because she’s not doing this for any man anymore. She’s doing this because it’s the right thing to do and because she knows she CAN do it. I love that. And when Susan embraces this and kicks some serious ass, Fine sees her for who she is.

27) Wait…I just realized that Ford didn’t actually DO anything in this film. He just kept getting caught and screwing up.

Originally posted by spymovie

I love that! It’s so much funnier for me that way! :D

28) I love that it’s Chummy who saves Susan in the end. Not Fine, not Ford, but her best gal pal. Friendship over romance/sexual attraction is something I really appreciate.

29) And by the time the film ends, all three of the main guys - Aldo, Fine, and Ford - want Susan now. But she doesn’t chose a guy, she choses Chummy. She choses a night out with her girls instead of even Fine, the guy she’s been pining over FOREVER. I love that.

Originally posted by my-harry-potter-generation

Spy is an incredibly funny and heartfelt film with a powerful message about competence/self worth. Melissa McCarthy gives an absolutely stellar performance and is surrounded by a just as strong supporting cast, with Jason Statham being a particular stand out. The action is crazy, the humor is spot on, the characters are well developed, and the relationships are pure. All in all, it’s just a really freaking good movie I think everyone should see.

Bonnibel Bubblegum (Adventure Time)

And so here is the last of the first 4 episodes of Season 9 and this one in particular is a huge lore bomb and raises many questions about what’s to come with Uncle Gumbald and the rest of the series!

I’m glad that PB has an episode named after her, similar to Finn the Human, Jake the Dog and Marceline the Vampire Queen, which all have to deal with huge backstory and Bonnibel Bubblegum is indeed a ton of lore from PB’s character and the Candy Kingdom.

While swimming in a lake, Finn gives PB the silver cup that BMO & Ice King got from Uncle Gumbald in Always BMO Closing.

Princess Bubblegum gets reminded of how her uncle used that cup and decides to tell Finn, Jake and Marceline some of her history, like 800 years ago.

We see a young Bonnibel traveling in an abandoned house, finding a family photo which makes her create a gum family with Neddy.

She creates a cousin named Chicle, an aunt named Lolly and of course, Uncle Gumbald!

They help farm the area, however Bonnie’s family turns against her due to wanting to brand their family and turn the farm into apartments. Gumbald ends up cutting down taffy trees, building a cabin and creating a family crest symbol.

Bonnie ends up creating a lake, which becomes Lake Butterscotch, as well as creating the gummy fish, which appeared in The Comet. Gumbald gets angry that she micro-managed her and plots to re-brand her.

The family gives Bonnie a car with a boyfriend, being Mr. Cream Puff and while she comes back, Gumbald makes a juice that turns people into candy people, but also makes poison cupcakes that changes Chicle to be a cookie named Crunchy and Lolly into a talking piñata named Manfried.

Bonnie is shocked to see Gumbald turn against her and ends up pea shooting the juice, which changes Gumbald to be a Punch Bowl.

Bonnie titles herself as a princess to the candy people and back in the present, BMO reveals where he got the cup was from Gumbald, ending on a suspenseful cliffhanger.

This episode was filled so much continuity, depth and backstory that I did not expect to see make consequences in Adventure Time!

First of all, it seems that LSP’s anti-elemental effect from the end of Skyhooks II in Elements, made Crunchy, Lolly and Punchy change back into their original forms, which is why Uncle Gumbald is back and plotting revenge against Finn.

We even got to see a cameo of PB’s ex-boyfriend, Mr. Cream Puff, which was also created by Gumbald.

I even noticed how they were in the shot of that episode and was amazed they put them in the background on purpose and now it makes sense why there was missing Crunchy posters in the past 2 episodes.

I liked how we got to see more of Neddy and how PB herself created a family and had to fix her own mistakes.

Bonnie is a very flawed character, but she is one of my favourites and the writers for this episode, Aleks Sennwald & Hanna K. Nystrom gave her one of the best episodes, being Jelly Beans Have Power and this is another fantastic episode showing her flaws and what she had to overcome of her past.

As a young girl, she’s really smart and quite fun to watch.

Hanna & Aleks are some of the favourite storyboarders that came on the show and I can’t wait to see their last remaining episodes.

The continuity was incredible, as we got to see Gumbald chop down the taffy trees in a single night, which PB explained in Susan Strong all the way back from Season 2 and the cabin that Gumbald built that PB explained she used to stay in Hot Diggity Doom from Season 6.

Originally posted by burritodetodo

Even the beginning of the episode was pretty laid-back and it’s cool to see Finn, Jake, Marceline and Bonnie all chilling. More Bubbline too!

I liked the slight nod that Bonnie mentions that family is tricky and how both Finn and Marcy can relate, but Jake couldn’t, which makes sense as Jake doesn’t like to talk about his past.

Aside from The Wild Hunt, this episode was one of my favourites from Season 9, so far. I love episodes that give further detail and lore about the world and characters of Ooo and recognizing characters’ problems with past and what they had to do to get to where they are in the present.

I’m sad there’s such little time left of the show and I really want to know what exactly Gumbald’s plans are and what he hopes to achieve.

I’m hoping for the return of GOLB, as well as what’s happening with Betty and Normal Man on Mars, but it’s probably best to wait and see what the Adventure Time crew has planned for the end.

I cannot wait for more! These were a fun string of episodes.

Telltale Pt 1: A Peter Pevensie Fic

A/N: So this is my first Narnia fic, and I just want to warn that although it’s not explicit, it is a bit racy. Feedback is great if you like it and have the time :)

Peter Pevensie was absolutely insufferable sometimes. He knew all too well how to treat others the right way. Ever so careful to mind his manners and to patiently and sound-mindedly solve whatever problems were thrown at him during the day. The throne truly fit him well. When something irked him, he quickly covered it with a well-practiced smile. He didn’t fake that smile most of the time. Oh, no: he was disgustingly authentic with his delight of talking to people. As an introvert, it frustrated and awestruck me simultaneously. I wished it all came as easily for me. I cared, deeply. But I was awful at showing it in a crowd setting. He excelled at it. Politeness and patience were traits he had learned to possess.

But I knew the man beneath the crown.

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Dresden Files Books Rated By The Opening Line
  • Storm Front: "I heard the mailman approach my office door, half an hour earlier than usual. He didn't sound right. His footsteps fell more heavily, jauntily, and he whistled. A new guy. He whistled his way to my office door, then fell silent for a moment. Then he laughed."
  • Easily one of the weakest in the series. 3/10.
  • Fool Moon: "I never used to keep close track of the phases of the moon. So I didn't know that it was one night shy of being full when a young woman sat down across from me in McAnally's pub and asked me to tell her all about something that could get her killed."
  • Nicely ominous. Thanks to this book, I also keep track of the phases of the moon. Helped me catch a local werewombat. You have no idea how hard it is to put one of them down. 8/10.
  • Grave Peril: "There are reasons I hate to drive fast. For one, the Blue Beetle, the mismatched Volkswagen bug that I putter around in, rattles and groans dangerously at anything above sixty miles an hour. For another, I don't get along so well with technology. Anything manufactured after about World War II seems to be susceptible to abrupt malfunction when I get close to it. As a rule, when I drive, I drive very carefully and sensibly. // Tonight was an exception to the rule."
  • Not bad, per se, but not all that good. It takes too long to get to its point, which makes it not as good of a hook. 6/10.
  • Summer Knight: "It rained toads the day the White Council came to town."
  • This one makes me giggle. 8/10. Good job.
  • Death Masks: "Some things just aren't meant to go together. Things like oil and water. Orange juice and toothpaste. // Wizards and television."
  • Very relatable. I, too, am no fan of toothpaste in my orange juice. I used to put toothpaste in my orange juice all the time and had no clue why my orange juice tasted so bad. I mean, who knew? 9/10.
  • Blood Rites: "The building was on fire, and it wasn't my fault."
  • There is no need to explain perfection. 15/10.
  • Dead Beat: "On the whole, we're a murderous race. According to Genesis, it took as few as four people to make the planet too crowded to stand, and the first murder was a fratricide. Genesis says that in a fit of jealous rage, the very first child born to mortal parents, Cain, snapped and popped the first metaphorical cap in another human being. The attack was a bloody, brutal, violent, reprehensible killing. Cain's brother Abel probably never saw it coming. // As I opened the door to my apartment, I was filled with a sense of empathic sympathy and intuitive understanding. // For freaking Cain."
  • One of the all time greats of this series. Lovely illustration of how Dresden feels and catches people up on his relationship with his brother really quick. 10/10.
  • Proven Guilty: "Blood leaves no stain on a Warden's grey cloak. I didn't know that until the day I watched Morgan, second in command of the White Council's Wardens, lift his sword over the kneeling form of a young man guilty of the practice of black magic. The boy, sixteen years old at the most, screamed and ranted in Korean underneath his black hood, his mouth spilling hatred and rage, convinced by his youth and power of his own immortality. He never knew it when the blade came down."
  • Dark. Really sets the tone for the book. Also, I'm, like, totally jealous. Blood stains are the worst. 8/10.
  • White Night: "Many things are not as they seem: The worst things in life never are."
  • I know, right? It's, like, I thought this guy who came into work would be just a normal customer and get his stuff and leave, but, instead, he rants about conspiracy theories and shit when I can't tell him to fuck off. 9/10. Good job.
  • Small Favor: "Winter came early that year; it should have been a tip-off."
  • Not bad, but kinda weak. I mean, did he even consider that maybe winter came early because Global Warming is actually a hoax? I mean, it isn't, but couldn't he at least consider the possibility? 6/10.
  • Turn Coat: "The summer sun was busy broiling the asphalt from Chicago 's streets, the agony in my head had kept me horizontal for half a day, and some idiot was pounding on my apartment door. // I answered it and Morgan, half his face covered in blood, gasped, 'The Wardens are coming. Hide me. Please.'"
  • It's just, like, whaaaaaat? Why's Morgan here? How'd he get all bloody? And, like, he even snuck in some nice foreshadowing with the headache. Really well done. 8/10.
  • Changes: "I answered the phone, and Susan Rodriguez said, 'They've taken our daughter.'"
  • Nice and shocking, making you want to read more, but the last book did a similar shocking opening better. 5/10.
  • Ghost Story: "Life is hard. // Dying's easy."
  • Totally relatable. I, like many others, wish for death because life is too hard. Thanks for making me feel better, Harry. 8/10.
  • Cold Days: "Mab, the Queen of Air and Darkness, monarch of the Winter Court of the Sidhe, has unique ideas regarding physical therapy."
  • One would imagine. I mean, did you hear her TED talk on it? Fascinating stuff. She's an innovator in the field. 7/10.
  • Skin Game: "There was a ticking time bomb inside my head and the one person I trusted to go in and get it out hadn't shown up or spoken to me for more than a year."
  • Don't you just hate it when you have a time bomb in your head? I know I do. But not all of us know bomb defusal experts. We're not all as lucky as you are, Dresden. I had to defuse my time bomb myself. Dick. 4/10.

Prompt:  “Can you write a Grayson imagine where he gets migraines a lot and he’s got one of his migraines on your date and he’s feeling really bad and he gets really upset and asks to go home and you guys go back to their apartment so that he can rest and you can take care of him?”

Requested by an anon! 

 A/N: I apologize that I’m just now getting around to do this. I’ve been very busy with school and I just now checked my inbox out of curious, but I hope you all enjoy♡ 

 Tonight was date night for you and Grayson and you were beyond excited. You been looking forward to this night ever since Grayson dropped the idea about two weeks ago while the two of you were hanging out. But, you hadn’t prepared yourself for the mental breakdown you were currently having.

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phibixm  asked:

I have a question! More of a ponderance, but: I'm wondering how well-received and/or in which circles it would be well-received if dancers did romantic same-sex duets. Does that happen? Are there any famous ones I could watch on youtube? Women or men

Hi there!

I have known and worked with many LGBT dancers, but as far as I know, ballets featuring same sex relationships are a minority, even though they are usually positively received: from my experience, dancers are starving for novelty and challenges and they appreciate a break from the traditional modes of ballet, so even a break from the heteronormative. Same sex pas de deux have always been common, but they seldom implied anything romantic or sexual, contrary to male-female pas de deux. While ballet has remained attached to heteronormativity, contemporary and modern dance has been more progressive.

If I am not mistaken, there should be a pas de deux in Mark Morris’ Dido and Aeneas in which two male dancers are romantically involved with each other. The whole ballet is actually a statement about gender roles, for example Morris (a man) danced both in the role of Dido and a Sorceress and played along with gender in many other works of him, he is also quite the character. 

Dido and Aeneas is actually a very interesting piece of contemporary dance, almost a danced opera, and it’s incredibly remarkable if you think that it was created in 1989

I’ve found a good article about it, you can read it here while here’s an interview with Morris. Here you can also take a look at Mark Morri’s Dance Group’s official page on Dido and Aeneas while here are some other interviews with the dancers.

Sadly I couldn’t find the whole ballet online but there are a few extracts on youtube if you search for them, like this one (which I think could be from the original 1989 representation, but don’t quote me on that).

The male duet in Lubovitch’s Concerto 622 (1986) is also often quoted when talking about gay representation in dance. Susan Broili from The Herald Sun wrote about it that:

“the duet conveys a caring, loving relationship between two men and communicates a deep sadness as they face the loss of that relationship… Lubovitch created the dance during the height of the AIDS crisis in the 1980s in New York as his response to the courage and love that people showed as they dealt with the disease… But the duet transcends time and place because it captures a commitment between two people that runs deep and does not falter in the face of devastating circumstances.” 

You can read more about it here and click here to watch the complete duet.

There are other same sex relationships in Proust ou Les Intermittences du Coeur by Roland Petit (2007). In a scene called Le combat des anges”, the devil seduces an angel and they become lovers, while a big chunk of the ballet follows the love story of Monsieur de Charlus and his beloved Morel, a young violinist who keeps betraying him.

More recently, gay choreographer Joshua Beamish has featured and explored same sex relationships in his ballet burrow which is a partially autobiographic love story between two men. You can read more about the project here but sadly I couldn’t find any video of it, just a few photos like the one below.

I’m sure there are other examples, most of Morris’ works actually involve same sex duets and so do a few of Balanchine’s ballets. As you can see, though, these are all relationships involving men. 

The only thing resembling a relationship between women that I could find is that in Les Biches (a ballet from 1923) but I’m not sure if you could refer to it as a real relationship: the ballet is about erotic pleasure and the two women also have liaisons with the other men in it and are never displayed as if they were in an actual relationship with each other: they are just playing around. The truth is that pas de deux between women are rarer and also that modern choreographers tend to focus more on men than women, maybe because women have been the stars of classical ballet for a long time and now choreographers want to explore the possibilities of male dance too. 

I hope this post has been somehow helpful anyway, please let me know if you need anything more specific.

Script Ballerina

anonymous asked:

Recommendation for a good book that you've read recently?

This is literally my favourite question and I hope you’re all sitting comfortably.

Every year, I do a series of book awards called The Random Yet Incredibly Specific Book Awards. While some of the categories repeat (i.e. The Empire Strikes Back Award For Achievements in the Second Book In A Trilogy), most are made up on the spot to fit a book I liked particularly (i.e. The So Long And Thanks For All The Fish Award For Creative Apocalypse).

This year’s list is can be found here.

Highlights Include:

Long Way To A Small Angry Planet, by Becky Chambers. I loved the pacing and how this was a sci-fi book that was going to turn sci-fi gently upside down and shake it, but only until it giggles, as opposed to emptying its pockets and running off with its lunch money. You don’t have to destroy a problematic genre to write better stories in it, and Chambers is perfect in every respect of putting this wonderful story together.

The Girl Who Drank The Moon, by Kelly Barnhill. This won the Newbery a couple weeks ago, which basically fulfilled all of my dreams for what Kelly accomplished here. It’s a MASTERFUL book, weaving together politics, social structures, sorrow, parenting, legacy, corruption, bog monsters, Simply Enormous Dragons, and magic in such a way that it’s still really, really appealing to children. I love this book so much.

And I Darken, by Kiersten White. An alternate history where Lada Dracul is hostaged to the Ottoman Empire (along with her brother, Radu), this trilogy kicked off to a STUNNING beginning. I actually got to blurb it, so I’ll quote myself: Girls with teeth and priorities. I would read this book forever.

The Fixer, by Jennifer Lynne Barnes. The pitch for this is “Scandal, but in a DC prep school”, and Barnes absolutely nails it. We don’t talk about world building in contemporary books very often, but The Fixer really highlights why it’s necessary and how it can be used. Barnes sells a far-out premise, but the world supports it so thoroughly that it never once feels weird. It’s amazing. Also, no one structures books like JLB. She literally has a doctorate in it.

Behold the Bones, by Natalie C. Parker. The follow up to my favourite book of 2014 (Beware the Wild), BONES is a wonderful book about friendship, love, small towns, history, legacy, murder and swamps that eat people. So, so good.

I just finished Windwitch, Susan Dennard’s new book, and it was EXCELLENT. And I am always, ALWAYS here for Diana Peterfreund’s Across A Star-Swept Sea, which is a gender-flipped re-telling of The Scarlet Pimpernel, set in post-apocalyptic Polynesia.

The Afterwards

Susan Headcanons

for @quecksilvereyes

There are all these stories. Countless stories. About Susan after the railway accident. Sincerely, not one of us can feel completely the overwhelming grief she felt. To have your entire family just disappear. Or I hope no one can truly relate to those events. For Susan never wished such upon anyone ever.

Let’s talk about how Susan finally made it to Narnia.

  • Susan Pevensie was eighty-seven years old when she finally did
  • She had no children and she never married
  • Susan during her life was a woman of many trades
  • She was a nurse for years, but eventually found a knack for antiques and historical research
  • She journeyed all across Europe, and even Morocco, Turkey, and the Americas
  • Susan was a friend of so many, but there was one dear person in her life since she was twenty
  • It was her that reluctantly and with great pain asked for Susan to be institutionalized
  • Susan was losing her way down paths that were taken for decades before
  • The longest she had been missing was three days which caused a police search
  • When she was placed in a rest home she brought few belongings
  • Her friend insisted more, but it seemed that she only held value to four things
  • A lion bookend that was missing its match
  • A marble knight chess piece
  • A worn copy of Alice in Wonderland, and inside countless pressed flowers
  • A photo of her family
  • The entire uprooting of her life and the adjustment did not bother her much
  • For she was poised when it came to change
  • She had to be
  • After about a year, Susan was getting worse
  • The doctors called them delusions related to the nature of dementia that could possibly be Alzheimer’s disease
  • It was the logical explanation
  • She would be wondering the halls in the flowing nightgown she always choose to wear
  • There was one particular nurse she often come to every night she worked
  • She would just sit down and ask about her day
  • The nurse often helped Susan take care of her long-flowing and now silver hair
  • Susan often gave advice about suitors
  • One of other the nurses discovered the reason behind how Susan exclusively sought for her
  • She looked like Lucy
  • This tore at the nurse for she knew that Susan’s family all died in a train crash many years ago
  • The nurse spoke with her often and Susan gave very elaborate stories about life in a castle, her brothers were kings, and all of the journeys with creatures and talking animals
  • About the places she has been and especially about a rather exotic city called Tashbaan and her certain predicament about a suitor
  • The nurse thought it was about Morocco
  • “No, Calormen. Quite similar to Morocco in terms of style of buildings, but still very different. More hostile and tense.”
  • As the nurse listen to the stories she realized that this was much more that delusions
  • They were too elaborate and sincere
  • These had to be memories
  • Once that struck her, she marched in outside of the time of her shift to a care planning meeting with the doctors
  • She insisted on keeping her off medications for Susan was never harming anything
  • “Let her reminisce her memories because they feel like coming home to her.”
  • They listened to the night-shift nurse, until the falls started
  • One fall caused her to stay in the hospital for week
  • When she returned, the nurse notice the hospice orders
  • A few months later she was bedbound, but still smiling, always talking, always nurturing
  • Finally the nurse asked about Narnia
  • And Susan told her about finding a new world in a wardrobe
  • And the brave journey to defeat a Witch
  • And becoming a queen
  • When Susan spoke about this land, it was the only time she could be fully understood by others
  • The nurse had a vacation planned and that first night off she would herself in one vivid dream
  • About a Lion
  • Her small trip to France was mostly spent at many cafes where she wrote journals until her hand became numb
  • When she returned to work Susan had declined to a point there was a vigil
  • Susan friend stopped by many of times during the day, but that one night she was compelled to just stay
  • Surrounded only by her friend and the nurse Susan finally made it to Narnia
  • Her last words to the nurse where slow and broken, but the nurse understood
  • “There are more to life than only of this world. Keep your mind and heart open dear. Further up and further in.”
The Cat Lady: Why You Should Play It

The Cat Lady is a game that follows our main character, Susan Ashworth, a depressed woman.  After attempting suicide, she is told by the Queen of Maggots (who is essencially death) that she must get rid of five Parasites, who are terrible people that the Queen of Maggots wants to punish for all of the evil things they have done.  Until she does this, she is immortal.

1.  ALL of the main characters are women, AND NONE OF THEM ARE SEXUALIZED

(this is susan who is a fucking QUEEN)

That’s right folks, a video game.  With female characters.  Who are treated like people.  And not items.  HOLY FUCK.  AND THEY’RE ALL BADASSES


(queen of maggots, a literal queen, and mitzi, a beautiful lil lady everyone loves her she’s my lovely girlfriend)

2.   Accurately talks about depression!!!!! 

WOW OKAY so this game is so good with depression like some games with characters with mental disorders are so painfully inaccurate but this game doesn’t fuck around 

this is by Harvester Games.  same people who did Downfall, another game that i would totally recommend

yeah that game that slayed at talking about eating disorders? yeah that.  harvester games doesn’t fuck around.


okay this is a psychological horror game and it does a damn good job at doing it with the villains

now i don’t want to go too deep into them because i don’t want to spoil shit but wow.  the first and last are particularly disturbing

4.  Susan in general is my queen

okay now i already talked briefly about susan but ohmygoddd 

so susan is a quite extraordinary lady k so she is incredibly strong physically and mentally and very smart and very lovely and so talented and like please be my mother

also very sad backstory some of which you get to decide, as far as her younger years, and then her young adulthood OH MY GOD i’m not going to spoil because tears

she’s a real salty person at first and she just becomes such a kind person because of mitzi she really just needed a friend and character arks

and throughout the game she learns how to deal with her depression and that life is worth living and she ends up helping people who struggle like she did at the end and she’s just wow


can we just talk about mitzi hunt for a moment here

so mitzi is a very smart girl and very much the reason susan is alive (for more reasons than one)

so she also has a very sad backstory which i will not spoil but she’s just a little ball of sunshine and susan and her are just what each other needed and they are 

(i’m sorry i had to put a history of japan reference in here somewhere)

so yeah she is my wife and you cannot do anything about it


very unique art style that you can see in above pictures that takes a while to get used to but is just real nice once you do and very kickass music and damn if i could go on i would but wow it’s just too good to put into words

in conclusion





I always loved that about you. How you could laugh even though everything was shit.


The Chronicles of Narnia // Ben Cocks

And I’m just left alone to cry

(inspiration for this comes from these two posts)

(Feel free to delete my rambling if you’d like! I just have a lot of Susan feelings that I thought I’d try and put into words, especially after having read those two posts while listening to that song!) I find myself agreeing a lot with those two posts. “Susan is not seeking forgiveness”. It hurts to say but I can see Susan being unforgiving, not to her family, but to Aslan who took them and her parents all away from her in one moment. He who took them away from her just as much as he kept them away from her. She didn’t just bury one member of her family that horrific day. She buried them all. Her father, mother, brothers, and baby sister. But the betrayal she feels for Aslan goes beyond that. 

The first time he breaks her heart she doesn’t understand why. He took her, a grown woman, from the home she had painstakingly built through blood and tears with her siblings and sent her back, in a child’s body. Maybe he did have his reasons but she never fully understood why. First comes the ever growing impatience for the return that Susan is so sure will be just around the corner. ‘Today’s it! I can feel it!’ she repeats to herself, a mantra as she gazes back at the girl in the mirror, head held high and mind strong in her belief. She finds herself wandering the house looking for Narnia pretending she doesn’t see as her siblings do the same. As days fly past the self blame hits. ‘Did I do something wrong? Maybe we all did.’ she thinks. She finds herself awake late into night, the questions swirling around and around in her restless mind. Lucy sleeps soundly in her bed, already having accepted her situation yet unaware the extent of the heartbreak her sister goes through night after night, trying and failing to find the logic in the situation. Her mother grows worried as the bags start to grow more prominent under her eldest daughter’s eyes. She seeks her other children out in a bid to figure out what has got into Susan. Lucy shrugs, not uncaring but unaware of how to explain it to her mother. ‘She misses home,’ Lucy finds herself almost saying but biting her lip back at the last second. How can she say that when to her mother this is home. Her mother never went to Narnia so she can’t possibly understand. Instead of answering, Lucy distracts her by jumping from topic to topic until Helen can hardly be blamed for not remembering what prompted this entire confusing conversation that she can hardly keep up with. Next thing she knows she turns her back on her youngest child for one second, just one, and Lucy’s gone having already seized the opportunity to find her escape. When Helen does remember, she stands alone in a room just barely able to hear Lucy’s steps the further they get from her. Helen, although hesitant, tries speaking to Edmund next. She still thinks of him as the impatient and angry young boy he was before he had boarded the train. Instead, Edmund gives her a look of understanding and compassion having carefully witnessed the affect that being back is having on his older sister. The look he gives her leaves Helen Pevensie reeling because ‘When did my little boy grow so much?’. ‘I’ll talk to her.’ he promises with a hug he reserves just for his mother, small arms wrapped tight around her waist. She’s surprised by the hug because he used to barely even let her pat his arm before fleeing but now he’s relaxing into the hug letting it linger in a way that brings tears to her eyes. His mother doesn’t realize he hasn’t answered her question until he’s already half way out of her sight on his way to find Susan. Peter is angry. He doesn’t seem to be able to pay attention long enough to hear his mother’s growing growing concerns. ‘Susan’s fine.’ he says impatiently waving the matter away. He stalks out the room before she can elaborate on how no, Susan is not “fine”. He’s grown so bitter and she finds herself unpleasantly surprised to find that it is Peter not Edmund that starts the fights in and out of the house now. Speaking to Susan gets her nowhere. ‘I’m fine mother. Just a bit under the weather.’ Susan responds even though it can’t be that’s she’s just sick. Susan has, after all, been like this for weeks now. She can’t seem to comprehend the toll this everlasting waiting and blame is taking on her body. Sunken eyes and hollowed cheeks greet her when she looks in the mirror now. Third comes the pleading. ‘Please Aslan. You said you would always hear us.’ she finds herself saying quietly as a lone tear escapes. ‘Please can we-can we come home now?’ she asks, her voice breaking as Lucy sleeps on, looking at the bright moon until it blurs. Lucy awakes the next morning to find her leaning against the window, another sleepless night evident from the slowness when Lucy gets her to move away. Then she breaks. All the tears she’s kept in, all the fears that had been so craftily left in the back of her mind arise in wave after wave of crushing defeat. She’s locked the door of her room now and collapses in the center crying out as she feels her heart break into a thousand pieces that she’s not sure will ever be fixed. When she’s finally comes to, she feels a piercing relief strike through the very core of her heart. She finds that the weight that’s been smothering her day after day has finally, finally somewhat slightly eased away. She finds herself by the window again, this time looking at the setting sun with tired weary eyes. She takes a breath as the acceptance settles in. She can do this. She can be strong. Her feet carry her to the door and her hand unlocks it only to find her younger brother tumbling in as soon as the knob is turned. ‘Edmund!’ she gasps out in a raspy surprised voice. He looks up at her somewhat sheepishly as he responds ‘Hello.’ from where he is on the ground. She finds her mouth quirking up somewhat as she looks down at him. ‘What were you doing?’ she questions, though she finds herself already knowing his answer. ‘I heard you.’ he says quietly looking her in the eyes. And again she finds her face crumpling when she realization of what he’s done for her hits her. He stayed with her until she was finally ready. Just like he jumped in when Peter was in another fight. Just like he listened again and again as Lucy would speak on and on of Narnia. Just as he’s done even though he’s been grieving along with them. He’s up in an instant, arms around her holding her tight as she clutches him, understanding why. When she’s got herself back in control again, she presses a kiss to the side of his head before letting him go with a small smile. ‘Where’s Lu?’ she finally asks. ‘Distracting mom,’ he responds quietly. And Susan is almost overwhelmed again by the affection that surges up for her baby sister. Edmund’s soft knowing smile becomes slightly blurred to her as her eyes fill with unshed tears. She smiles in return before following him out of the room. She and Edmund find Lucy in the kitchen with their mother and, judging from the sounds that arise, she’s talking their mother’s ear off again. Susan smiles a full smile when she enters even if her heart breaks a bit on the realization that the only one missing is their stubborn and hurt older brother. Peter who gave everything he had for Aslan and Narnia only to be sent home like them. It’s different for Peter, she muses to herself as she finds herself seated along with Edmund at the table with a cup of tea her mother sets down in front of her with a warm smile as the concern for Susan ebbs slightly away from her mother’s eyes. He’s the oldest and thus got it in his head that he has to protect them from any pain. But, she thinks, he’s feeling so helpless now because he knows he can’t protect them from this. Maybe he’s not okay now, Susan thinks as she recalls her days of heartbreak, but he will be. Helen Pevensie turns around and flounders as she finds Queen Susan staring back sitting regally in her chair, even though it’s not her throne, with her head held high and a familiar gleam in her eyes that causes Lucy and Edmund to share a knowing look as they find themselves subconsciously straightening in her presence until Queen Lucy and King Edmund look to her. ‘I can do this,’ she thinks as she looks back at them with a small gentle smile. This isn’t home yet but it will be she decides as she looks around.

They find themselves back in Narnia again, suddenly, as if they never left. Peter’s joy is tremendous as his face breaks out into a full blown out grin that she has rarely seen since they were sent back. Edmund grins because the brother he knew and missed has finally returned. Lucy is overjoyed but not surprised because she always knew, hoped, they’d come back. Susan grins as she breaths in the fresh Narnian air. Despite the fact that she was finally starting to feel at home in England being back was like greeting a long lost friend who she always remembered fondly and missed. ‘But this isn’t home,’ she thinks, horrified at discovering what has happened her home. It’s not her Narnia anymore. Her heart breaks when she finds that the trees remain silent to her queries until she finally trails off into silence. The animals don’t speak anymore either. They are vicious and cruel, not lively and happy as the ones she knew. There’s no Mr. Tumnus, Mr. Beaver, or Mrs. Beaver to greet her from a long journey home. No Cair Paravel to greet her eyes, only dust and ruins remain, an echo of a memory. She fights for this Narnia, though, because it was still home whether it remembered or not. She would not be so easily forgotten. When the story of the Telmarines is finally revealed she finds her gentle heart starting to pound fast and hard. Rage courses through her because they took her home and ruined it until it was barely recognizable. When they win and the Telmaries are pushed back from her Narnia and Aslan greets her, she can feel her heart drop as she looks at him. She knows, don’t ask her how but she just does, that they won’t be able to stay anymore. Her eyes seek her siblings out. Peter is at peace with a easy relaxed grin, Edmund is quiet but the corner of his mouth quirks up, and Lucy, brave ever-faithful Lucy, is smiling the biggest beautiful smile she’s seen in a while as she looks up at Aslan. Susan’s heart starts to beat quicker as she realizes that they can’t possibly know. Except, somehow, Peter does. He finds her eyes looking over them all and sends a small shrug and smile her way as in ‘What can we do when it’s already decided?’. Caspian’s coronation goes off without a problem and she finds herself relaxing in the joy and love she feels around her. ‘One last time,’ she thinks to herself as she finds herself pulled into an enthusiastic dance by her younger sister. Then Aslan comes and her and Peter find themselves walking with him. Peter’s the most relaxed as she’s ever seen. ‘He needed this,’ she thinks as she finds herself watching him from the corner of her eyes. ‘One last win.’ When her eyes turn back to Aslan, the protector, she finds his solemn gaze looking back. They speak at length, her and Peter, with Aslan. They have to go back. Narnia doesn’t need them anymore. He makes sure to stress that this will be their last visit and she feels her heart breaking all over again because now she won’t even have the flicker of hope to keep her going that someday she and Peter will come back for more adventures. She doesn’t let it show though. She won’t. She tilts her head higher and gives a single nod to Aslan in understanding. His head lowers a fraction in return. She won’t break from this, she decides firmly, as she watches Lucy ask Aslan why she and Peter can’t come back. ‘Did they do something wrong?’ No, she thinks, they did everything right and more. She feels herself finally feeling at peace as she takes one last lingering look before marching through the portal without a backwards glance. ‘Move forward,’ she thinks as she steps through, ‘No more lingering.’ she decides. 

She’s back in England now and she’s thriving. She can’t go back to Narnia, not when this world needs her. This is her home now, actually, she corrects herself, this has always been her home too. She just hadn’t realized it yet. She’s doing the same as she once did for Narnia and fixing the world, fixing this world. Even as Peter looks at her now with judgement shining in his eyes when she goes out in skirts and dresses of the latest fashion, the armour of modern days, brandishing her lipstick like her old bow (though he doesn’t realize). He doesn’t understand and maybe he feels betrayed that she seems to be forgetting. But she’s not, not really. She’s just taking what she learnt and applying it to the new situation. Lucy’s confused, hurt, and disappointed all the time when Susan doesn’t listen or contribute to the talks of Narnia and Aslan. ‘What happened to Su?’ Lucy asks Peter quietly one night, not knowing Susan can hear them speaking. Edmund does though and he glances sharply at her to see if she’s okay. ‘She’s forgotten Narnia, she’s forgotten Aslan, and she’s forgotten herself.’ comes Peter’s brash response and Edmund wonders just why his older brother never could learn to be more subtle and observant because Susan’s right there,  just as she’s always been. Edmund finds himself going in defense mode because this is Susan. Susan who worried whenever one of them got sick and stayed with them the whole time even though more often than not she’d catch it too. Susan who laughed and teased them with a smile on her face. ‘She’s still Susan!!’ he wants to yell at their obtuse older brother and disheartened little sister. But he stops because she just smiles when his eyes land on her, a small smile she reserves just for him. ‘They don’t want to understand.’ she says one night to Edmund when he wants to blow up at them for their judgement while she sits reading the latest happenings in the world. ‘It’s not fair,’ he bites out with hunched shoulders. She just smiles to him in response.

Then her world shatters into a million pieces to never be okay again. She’s running before she knows it, shoving people aside without apologies. She wants to get away from everyone. From anyone. She wants to scream until her voice grows hoarse, until her heart stops breaking, until the onslaught of memory after memory just stops. Brave and protecting Peter, the Magnificent. Gone. Clever and silent Edmund, the Just. Gone. And small tiny vibrant Lucy, the Valiant. Gone. Her mother, warm and loving. Gone. Her father, intelligent and stern. Gone. Gone. Gone. Ripped away before they even finished living. Gone in all ways but body. And that will be gone too one day. And she collapses. ‘This is it,’ she thinks to herself, as her body curls in on itself trying to shield her from the pain, ‘There’s no way past this.’. When she finally moves, it’s late. She doesn’t know how late and she can’t find it in herself to care. The pain fades in the face of her growing unyielding rage, lighting a fire in her and warming her in ways that she didn’t know could. Fueling her and getting her to finally move. ‘You did this,’ she thinks. Not at herself, no, because she knows without a doubt who it was who took them. ‘You did this,’ she repeats out loud, saying it once and finding her shoulders slump downwards at the crushing realization that she’s right. Once isn’t enough though, she repeats it over and over again until she’s yelling, screaming, angry tears streaming down her face. ‘YOU DID THIS!” she shouts at the top of her lungs, uncaring who else hears but the one who is to blame, as she snatches a vase from the table near her and flings it against the wall until it’s in a million pieces. Just. Like. Her. Heart. She’s doing it again and again, picking up any and every object she finds and throwing it with deadly accuracy, hitting walls and mirrors, until her chest is heaving and her breath comes out in pants while she stands with broken jagged pieces all around her. ‘You did this.’ she repeats one last time slowly, her voice ringing out deadly in the quiet that comes in the aftermath of her reaction. The walls hold their breath, the quiet that follows is all-consuming, loud in the wake of her statement. She knows He can hear and see her. He always could. ‘I’m done,’ she states abruptly, disturbing the quiet. She won’t forgive, no, not for this. Not Him. Maybe Queen Susan could find it in her gentle heart to forgive, once upon a time. But that girl is gone just like her family. He did this. ‘I won’t forgive you.’ she says out loud again, clearly, in a hardened voice laced with steel. Queen Susan isn’t here anymore. She won’t forgive him unless he apologizes, she decides.  ‘And until you do,’ she states as a sharp knowing realization pierces through her heart, ‘They won’t either, not fully.’ she finishes, her thoughts revolving to her family once again. While they may be happy to be in Narnia, they won’t be at peace. Not when they aren’t complete. Not until Susan’s there. Not until she forgives Aslan, not the other way around. 

Queen Susan the Gentle, she thinks mockingly of her title, is gone like the rest of her family and Susan is all that’s left to take her place.