no one should be even a little bit surprised that this is a thing that i have made

Side to Side

Pairing: Tom Holland!Peter Parker x Stark!Reader

Prompts: None

Word Count: 2465

Warning(s): Some swear words, slight smut (Nothing crazy but it goes there)

Requests: I have like 10 followers so like none of you pay attention to me (jk jk you guys are cool)

Song: Side to Side  (duh) by Ariana Grande

Author’s Note: This is kinda crap but I’m totally obsessed with Tom Holland and Spider-Man Homecoming so come on this wild ride and be trash with me! Give me feedback please I promise I’ll get to it in like 10 years

Summary: Reader and Peter (slant rhyme woo) are friends and both on the Avengers. They’re training in the gym and things get s t e a m y…

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2

Producer Jeff Bhasker faced a daunting task several months ago. After having worked with Kanye West and winning Grammy Awards for producing Mark Ronson’s “Uptown Funk,” and Fun.’s 2012 album “Some Nights,” he had to decide whether to take on a new project: the debut solo album of One Direction member Harry Styles.

“I’d just had a baby, and I was kind of like, ‘Eh, I don’t know if I’ll jump into this,‘” Bhasker tells Variety. He agreed to have Styles come over to “just talk,” and proceeded to put him through the Bhasker home sniff test. “My dog tends to bite people, and he was kind of scoping Harry out,” Bhasker explains. Styles “did this move — like a little shoot the gun with his finger, and my dog walked over and started licking his finger. That’s when I was, like, ‘This guy has something special.'”

Once music came into the mix, Bhasker was sold. “He started playing references of what he wanted to do, which sounded like a cool rock band. I got it, and could see where if we pulled this off, it would be one of the coolest things ever. But he needed a buddy who plays guitar like he’s Keith Richards.” The insinuation being: Styles is the Mick Jagger in this scenario.

Adds Bhasker: “I’m so proud of the album itself, and also of Harry for being so brave, and committing 100%, and writing the kind of vulnerable lyrics that he wrote, and not pandering to what people thought he would do. People have no idea that this is what Harry Styles is like. Just like I didn’t know. He’s obviously very famous and beloved, but people don’t know the depths of what an amazing personality and artist he is.”

Variety spoke with Bhasker about the recording of “Harry Styles” ahead of the album’s May 12 release: 

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ask and you shall receive | pt 1 (m)

pairing: jung hoseok x reader, sugar daddy! hoseok
genre/warnings: smut, lots of oral, slow burn, dirty talk, dom! hoseok
words: 13,865
summary: your sugar daddy says you don’t have to sleep with him if you don’t want to…trouble is, you do want to. You’re just nervous and a little inexperienced, but he catches on quick and begins to teach you the true pleasures of sex, and boy, are they good…

» pt 1 | pt 2 |

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Submitted by @ lord-of-the-dark-realms 

Siblings

So, I had this thought after reading several stories about humans giving birth and not having eggs.  What if aliens do not have ‘family units’ the same way humans do, but instead raise children in more of a group setting.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Captain H'roll'ah was excited to have hired on not just 1 but 3 humans, all of whom were extremely qualified for space travel.  Even better, they were all from the same clan and so there would be no rivalry or refusal to work together because of old scores to settle.

“Captain! Three humans just came in a have taken over the dining area! WHAT SHOULD WE DO?!?” Ensign Khralhen was out of breath and panicked, but his species was notoriously afraid of humans after it became public knowledge how dangerous they were.  Not that his own was much better, but H'roll'ah knew that these humans should be here and it was probably near a meal time for them.  How could such an evolutionary advanced and apated species not figure out a way to avoid needing 3 or meals a day was beyond H'roll'ah.

“It is fine, Ensign Khralhen.  These are likely the Humans that I just signed on to the crew.  They are from the same clan, so they should work at peak efficiency,” the Captain answered, trying to put as much calm and soothing into his voice as possible, “Let us go introduce ourselves and welcome them so that the ‘pack-bonding’ can begin.”

~~

“Greetings, I am Captain H'roll'ah and this is Ensign Khralhen, our cook.”

“Nice ta meetcha! Cook, huh? Guess we best buddy up to you right quick then!” said the male.  He was average height for a human and perhaps a little on the heavy side, but H'roll'ah knew that it was likely muscle not fat.  After all, this human and one of his female companions were security personnel.

“Always thinking with you stomach, Thomas.  How about you buddy up to the Captain, so that we do not get kicked off this boat? Hmm?” said the smaller female, later identified as Samantha or “Sam” for ease.  "Small" being used only in comparison because she did not have the bulk of her clanmates.  She must be the medical officer.  H'roll'ah was worried that she would be distant from her clanmates but her body language suggested extreme comfort and trust, above what H'roll'ah felt for his own clanmates of different castes.  The third human, Laura if the captain remembered correctly, remained silent but was constantly looking around, as if expecting an attack at any moment, not that strange considering all that H'roll'ah had hear about Earth.

“Well then, please tell me what times that the three of you eat, and I will prepare food for you then.  Also, please tell me any dietary restrictions you have so that you do not have any medical incidents,” Khralhen said, realizing that the humans could be bribed with food as easily as a Con'valix could be bribed with fruits.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

(3 Months Later)

Captain H'roll'ah was surprised at how well the humans worked together.  He thought that they might exceed standard human operating efficiency by 10%, but regularly they were 20-25% better than the reported average.  They barely needed to vocalize to communicate, and they were able to remember each other’s needs and the needs of the crew extremely well.  Captain H'roll'ah decided to ask them how they did it, and if it was a clan trait, where he could hire more humans of clan “Walker.”

“Thomas clan Walker, do you have a few minutes to talk about personal matters?” The captain asked, assuming that Thomas would, since he was off shift and relaxing in the lounge.

“Sure thing, hoss.  What can I do for you?  And I hope this isn’t about my or Laura’s tattoo’s, because we had to settle a bet on that a few days ago,” Thomas answered easily.  He was a bit flippant for the captain’s taste, but his results were impeccable and the other humans followed his lead, which spoke volumes for the man.  

“I was hoping that you could explain how you and your clanmates have achieved such a high efficiency rate.  You perform well above average, even for clanmates who grew up together.”

“Clanmates? Oh, that’s right! Sam mentioned that your species, and most species on this ship raise their young in a group setting and the kids hatch from eggs, right?”

“That is correct, and please do not remind me that human females carry their young in their bodies like a parasite.  The last time Sam explained that, it was enough to make all of us wonder how humans have managed to reproduce at all.” H'roll'ah still shuddered when he thought of it, and Khralhen wasn’t able to cook for 3 days after Sam had explained human reproduction.

“Fair enough, I think we reproduce more by accident that anything else, but yeah.  Me, Laura, and Sam are not clanmates like you think,” Thomas chuckled and shook his head, “We are siblings.”

“I do not know this word,” H'roll'ah answered uneasily.  In his experience, an unknown term from a human meant that something painful, gross, horrifying, or all 3 was about to be revealed.

“Sam could explain it better, and having Laura here only seems fair…” Thomas trailed off as he reached for his comm.  "Hey, brats (again with the casual disrespect), can you both get up to the lounge? Captain wants to know about siblings.“ H'roll'ah was always surprised that Thomas clan Walker could be disrespectful when asking for others to do something.

“Sure, be right up,” Sam responded.  She was likely a floor up in the medical facilities and wanted to take a break.

“Grrhhrhhgg.” Laura clan Walker had been sleeping, then, and did not want to come.

“Thanks, ladies, you can both explain family better than me.”  Now the captain was worried again because there was a second new word being bandied around.

~~~

“So, captain, a family unit for humans is very small compared to yours of Ensign Khralhen’s,” Sam explained, “A family is usually made up of the mother and/or father or a surrogate who has assumed that role and the children.  It usually numbers no more than 4-7 individuals.”

“But…But…how do you grow or develop? And to place all that burden on only one or two adults, how do they do anything else?” spluttered K'roll'ah.  He was shocked to find out that humans in the region called ‘America’ did not have an open community.

“Well, children who share 1 or both parents are called “siblings”, and they develop together.  The adults are called “parents”, and yeah, there is a definite loss of freedom involved.“

“So then, you three are…siblings?” H'roll'ah asked.

“Yes, Thomas is the oldest, and Laura is the youngest, with me in the middle,” answered Sam, “and our father bailed on us after Laura was 3 years old, so Tom became the ‘man of the house’ at 7 years old.”

THAT explained Thomas clan Walker’s attitude! Captain H'roll'ah realized that Thomas clan Walker had been in a command position and not had a commander from a young age!

“So that is why you both follow him? He is the new leader”

“Kind of, he is just the best at leading.  He knows what to do and does it well.” Laura answered, which was rare; she was the most quiet of the three.

“And the reason for your peak efficiency?” Captain H'roll'ah asked, determined to get an answer to his question.

“Well, we have known each other all our lives and spent most of those lives in close proximity to each other.  We just understand each other from the long familiarity and exposure.”

“Ah, the same way a pilot becomes better from being on the same ship, just with a person instead.”

“Exactly! And if you are interested in hiring others we are familiar with, we have some cousins, children of our parents’ siblings, who we know very well and want to get into space.”

“Then I will look them up, thank you for answering my questions." 

Humans were a strange species.  Instead of focusing on a large community, they developed close bonds with only a few people who share familial ties with them.  Captain H'roll'ah did hire the 'cousins’ and they worked out very well.  The human guidebook was updated to notify captains that humans sharing close blood ties have the potential to perform at higher than normal efficiency.  

~~

Now somebody write a story about a captain hiring siblings who hate/cannot stand each other!

Why People Fall In Love

Muses: Jeon Jungkook.
Words: 4.7k words of cringe worthy fluff.
Type: fwb!au + fake dating!au
Note: This is another my ‘to be posted’ scenarios, posted.  Yay. :D

+ An agreement to become Jungkook’s fake girlfriend and a trip back to his hometown lets you see more of the Jeon Jungkook who you think is only made of Friday hookups and boyish charms.

Originally posted by sweaterpawsjimin


“So let me get this straight, your brother’s bringing his girlfriend home for dinner this weekend and you ‘sorta’ blurted out that you have a girlfriend too just because you want to prove that he’s wrong about you not being able to keep a girl?”

Sheepishly, Jungkook smiles and rubs the back of his neck. “Yeah, sorta.”

At his nonchalance, you lightly smack his chest; it’s not like he’s going to feel anything if you straight out punch him anyway. “He’s totally right!”

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Bts reaction to their crush saying “if I could lose my virginity to anyone it would be you”

Wow that’s a long ass title

Seokjin: You two were best friends who had a hell load of tension going on. You were over at Jin’s place to just hang out. He always thought that his feelings were one sited so he never even considered confessing to you. All of the sudden you asked him about his sex life, being afraid that the answer would hurt you since you have a crush on him too. Being confused he’d answer honestly: “Lately there’s not much going on. I’d feel uncomfortable doing it with someone who isn’t you.” he confessed by mistake. He’d feel really embarrassed as he realizes what happened. You said: “I didn’t thought you feel like this. Well, if I could lose my virginity to anyone it would be you”. Jin would be soooo happy saying: “I’d really be honored to take your virginity. I like you, y/n.” He’d approach you slightly giving you a soft kiss which leads to a heavy make out session. Being the gentleman he is, he wouldn’t let it come too far without dating you. 

Jin on the inside:

Originally posted by mscleaningfairy

Namjoon: You two were chilling alone at a house party together. Because you already drank a bit Namjoon felt confident enough to start asking private questions. Technically it wasn’t your idea to tell him you’re just the most honest person after only one shot of tequila. Without him having to ask you just went for it and said: “if I could lose my virginity to anyone it would be you” Namjoom had his facial expression under control only a dirty smile covered his face. “I knew that! You like me and I like you..” He’d immediately start acting all cocky and flirty with you which leaded to making out in a spare room. He was grinding on you making you horny and kissing your neck until he left hickeys. But Namjoon wouldn’t want you to regret anything the next morning so he delayed your first time to when you’d be sober. “You don’t want to be drunk on your first time, just call me when you want. Or should I call you?” 

Originally posted by seokkuk

Yoongi: Yoongi and you were these kind of best friends who spend all of their time together. Once the two of you were taking a nap over at his place. Having a light sleep Yoongi cuddled with you. He always acted like you were his girlfriend. You thought he was still awake and told him “if I could lose my virginity to anyone it would be you”. Yoongi would wake up totally confused and look at you. He’d hug you tight from the back and kiss your neck saying: “Y/n, is it that obvious that I have a crush on you?” Still being sleepy he’d unhook your bra under the shirt of him that you wore. Rolling you over he kissed you multiple times. Astonishing your now fully naked body he kissed you again. “It won’t hurt, I promise”

Yoongi when he wakes up confused:

Originally posted by amayskpoparchive

Hoseok: You and Hobi were at a club going crazy and dancing like there’s no tomorrow. That was the moment you fell for him, his cheerful and happy personality and -we’re not gonna ignore this- of course his handsome looks. When a sexy R’n’B song played you decided to dance seductively. Hobi was left with surprise as he joined you and the tension started to grow until he kissed you in the middle of the dancefloor. Hobi started to giggle like a little kid deciding to go home with you. As you made out on his bed you said. “If I could lose my virginity to anyone it would be you.” He’d smile really brightly feeling honored to take your virginity as he slowly unclothed you.

Hoseok seeing you dance:

Originally posted by sugabeats

Taehyung: You guys were friends but had secretly feelings for each other. You were totally in love with him but your lack of experience made you self-conscious. One day Tae was bragging about fucking this girl just to make you jealous. Your reaction to it had him SHOOK. You just said “if I could lose my virginity to anyone it would be you” as a response. Tae would need several moment to realize what just happened but once he did he’d confess.”I’m sorry for being such an cocky asshole but that was my way to make you jealous. I actually have a crush on you and it’ll make me really happy to fuck yo- I mean take your virginity.” You just laughed and kissed him. He’d pick you up like a bride and carried you to his bed.

Tae being shook because of your response:

Originally posted by cutae-hyungie

Jimin: All the other member knew about you being Jimin’s crush and tried to set you up. They invited you over to a house party. Everything went fine, you talked with Jimin the whole time, until Jungkook suddenly shouted:”LET’S PLAY TRUTH OR DARE”.. Namjoon called your name and you chose truth. “Who out of all the people here would you have sex with?”. You answered honestly with “if I could lose my virginity to anyone it would be you, Jimin” looking at him. He was blushing and smiling happy. Next Hobi dared Jimin to spend 30 minutes with you in his room. Arriving there he confessed to you. “I’m so sorry it had to happen like this. The other’s tried really hard.” he said. “Well it worked and by the way we have still 20 minutes left.” you smiled sheepishly. Being confident he kissed you slowing unclothing your body.

Jimin when you said you still have 20 minutes:

Originally posted by bwipsul

Jungkook: Kookie asked you out on a date after crushing over you for a long time. You were out walking around the city after having a drink. He was leading you to his favorite spot on a hill where you could see the stars and the whole city shining. You were sitting on a blanket his arm around you. You talked about so many different things until he asked you if you’ve ever been in a serious relationship. You answered with yes but admitted being a virgin. He was surprised because you seemed quite mature.“But actually if I could lose my virginity to anyone it would be you” you said. Jungkook would turn into JungSHOOK before acting really cocky. “I mean if you’re up to it..” You’d kiss. First slow but then it turned into a real make out session. He slid his hand up your skirt grabbing your ass. “We probably have to do this an other time unless you want to lose your virginity in a place were people could easily see us.”

Jungkook being cocky:

Originally posted by theking-or-thekid

So this took quite a long time hope u enjoyed it!

FUTURE HEARTS | PT.6 [M]

pt1 | pt2 | pt3 | pt4 | pt5 | pt6 | (6/?)

pairing: jimin x reader, jungkook x reader

genre: smut, angst / punk!jikook

word count: 17,335

note: inspired by the anime/manga “Nana” / music playlist

description: It was everything, from his tattoos, to his touches, to the way sweat rolled down his neck as he strummed into his guitar on stage; everything about him completely enthralled you. So why are you now, two and a half years later, on a train to Seoul, telling a complete stranger the recollection of how you became fated to forever have scars on all of your future hearts due to the happiness, but most of all the pain, that came along with falling in love with Jeon Jungkook.

cr.


The slight tremble in Jimin’s fingertips developed into a full-blown tremor as he closed the door to his studio, effectively leaving you behind — but it wasn’t that simple. It wasn’t that simple because he wasn’t just leaving you behind. He was leaving you behind with a guy that you were completely in love with… Which kind of blowed considering he was starting to fall for you himself.

The music from the party was reverberating inside of his chest and he knew that his ears should be ringing with anger, but instead he just felt numb. It was like he couldn’t hear anything; no music, no crowd, nothing. It was all one giant blur that didn’t seem to make sense to him, and all because his mind was screaming that nothing else mattered right now — nothing except for you.

Jimin knew very well what leaving you in that room with Jungkook meant. It meant every single feeling that the two of you had ever had for each other would inevitably rekindle, and compared to what Jimin had with you, even if he did consider it one of most amazing stints of time of his entire life, it didn’t hold a candle to what you and Jungkook had, and probably always would have.

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A brazen challenge

Synopsis: Imagine admitting to Loki that you never manage to orgasm when are with men, making him smirk mischievously in response.

“Is that a challenge, my dear?”

So for the next couple of hours, he magically locks the two of you in your room and makes it a challenge as to how many times he can make you cum in a row. He pleasures you with his soft hands, his skilled and long fingers and his silver tongue before he fucks you roughly.

Pairing: Loki x Reader
Rating: M
Chapter: 1/1 (Oneshot)
Words: 4040
Warnings: smut. a lot of smut.

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brighter than fire (m)

Summary: There’s quite possibly nothing you hate more than Min Yoongi and his stupid, stupid face—and the stupid, stupid way he makes you feel.
Pairing: Yoongi | Reader
Genre: Fluff/Smut, Camp Counselor AU
Word Count: 11,371
Author’s Note: What better way to celebrate the summer than to mix Min Yoongi and camp counseling? Also, this is my first time getting to write really sarcastic Yoongi and I was really living. And to @minsvga – hEY thanks for encouraging sarcastic Yoongi in the first place, and lots of sinning; this is all your fault. 

.

As soon as you step off the bus at the top of the mountain, surrounded by trees and forest and the fresh smell of pine, miles and miles away from your family and the troubles of everyday life—there is without a doubt in your mind that you’re reached your home. The sun is bright, hitting your eyes as soon as you depart from the vehicle, which only serves as a benchmark for what the next few weeks would consist of. And for the most part, you cannot wait to bask in the freedom and the responsibility and the adventure of resuming your counselor position at Camp Bulletproof for the fourth year in a row.

There’s an endearing aspect of being a regular at Camp Bulletproof, one that comes with smiles and waves exchanged with counselors who share the same experience as you, ones you’ve known for many years and have a friendship that can transcend the fact that you all didn’t see each other a lot more than you actually saw each other but that doesn’t stop any of you from spending hours on end supplying backstories for stories or sharing tales from school. It’s a gesture that is done very willingly given that some of these people have plagued your childhood and some of your most fond memories. For the most part, you can’t wait until after hours so the counselors could all have some time to catch up.

For the most part.

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Good Girl (M)

Plot: Good girls always had a bad side to them, and some people just brought that out – whether it be a shitty dorm mate or her boyfriend.

Pairing: Jeon Jungkook x Reader

Genre: Smut, slight angst(?), highschool au!

Warnings: Being blessed by the Jungcock, cheating, oral (giving), praising, implied masturbation

Notes: I hope this smut will make up how slow I’m becoming. I can’t help it because exams. And I can’t believe It hit 140+ followers???? What the heck???? How?? Thank you so much. I feel so great about that. 2,042 Words

Originally posted by jeonify

You were probably one of the most angelic people in your year. You were always kind, got good grades, did your homework – it was a shame you were stuck with a bitch as a roommate. Kim Jenna was always out partying, high-key manipulative, and just got around a lot. 

It was a surprise people actually liked her more than you.

Maybe it was because she was prettier, You pondered sometimes. Maybe it was because she actually talked to everyone, and didn’t just sit alone during lunch. Insecurity was probably the bane of your existence when you were around Jenna, especially since she teased you.

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anonymous asked:

“You bake when you’re stressed and sometimes you give me cookies, but recently you’re giving me whole baskets each day, now I’m not complaining but are you okay?” au sterek? <3

OK, I wrote you a quick little thing. :)

now also on ao3

*

When Derek shows up at Stiles’ back door that morning with a basket full of about three dozen cookies, all carefully iced to look like Batman and Spider-Man, Stiles doesn’t say anything. He just gets up from the kitchen table and opens the screen door, and then he looks down at the basket for a long, long moment, and then he rubs the heels of his hands into his eyes and groans.

He looks kind of… unkempt. He’s wearing the same sweatpants and lacrosse hoodie he’d had on two days ago when Derek saw him at his mailbox, and his hair is sticking up everywhere, and it’s obvious he hasn’t shaved in a while because there’s some actual stubble there. Derek didn’t think Stiles was even capable of facial hair. It only adds to his attractiveness, but still, Derek can’t help but be concerned.

Derek doesn’t usually start conversations, but today he feels like making an exception. “Are you okay? This is a lot more baking than usual, even for you.”

“What? What do you mean?” Stiles says, dropping his hands to his sides. His face cycles through about five or six different expressions before settling on something that’s probably trying to say “innocent and oblivious,” but… well. Derek might not know Stiles that well, but he knows Stiles is definitely not either of those things, ever.

“The cookies,” Derek says slowly. “That you leave on my doorstep a few times a week while I’m out on my morning run.”

Stiles glares down at the cookies Derek’s holding like they’ve betrayed him.

“We don’t talk about it,” Derek says slowly, unsure, “but I thought you knew that I knew it was you. I mean, no one else in the neighborhood even talks to me.”

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2

Hello

At last, the first in a series of interconnecting one shots about my Victuri Merman AU!

I had so much fun drawing these, I hope you guys like them! These two drawings are based on the last scene in this one shot :D

This first one shot is bit short and possibly a bit slow but you need to know how they met first :) Then it’s just going to be fluff for days~

I haven’t written fanfiction in about 6 years. Please have mercy X’D

This is the only place this fic is posted at the moment since I don’t have an AO3 account. Anyone wanna help a fan out and send me an invite so I don’t have to go on a waiting list? X’D

Relatively short introductory one shot under the cut.

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Japan is an island by the sea filled with volcanoes and it’s ♪♫ beautiful ♫♪.
In the year negative a billion, Japan might not have been here. In the year negative forty thousand, it was here, and you could walk to it, and some people walked to it. Then it got warmer, some icebergs melted, it became an island, and now there’s lots of ♫ trees ♫. Because it’s warmer.
So now there’s people on the island; they’re basically sort of hanging out in between the mountains eating nuts off trees and using the latest technology. Like stones, and bowls.
Ding dong, it’s the outside world, and they have technology from the future. Like really good metal, and ♪ crazy rice farms ♪. Now you can make a lot of rice really really quickly. That means if you own the farm, then you own a lot of food, which is something everybody needs to survvvvive. So that makes you king.
Rice farming and rice kingdoms spread all across the land, all the way to here. The most important kingdoms were here (Hi), here (Chikushi), here (Izumo), here (Kibi), here (Yamato), here (Koshi), and here (Kenu). But this one (Yamato) was the most most important, ruled by a heavenly superperson, or emperor for short.
Knock knock, get the door, it’s religion. The new prince wants everyone to try this hot new religion 🎺🎺🎺 (Buddhism) from Baekje.
“Please try this religion,” he said.
“No,” said everybody.
“Try iiiiit,” he said.
“no,” said everybody again, quieter this time.
And so the religion was put into place and all the rules that came with it.
Then, the government was taken over by another clique (Taika). And they made some reforms , like making the government govern more, and making the government more like China’s government, which is a government that governs more.
“Hi China,” they said.
“Hi dipshit (wa, dwarf),” said China.
“Can you call us something else, other than dipshit?” said Japan.
“Like what?” said China.
♫♪"How about sunrise laaand?“♪♫ said Japan.
And they stole China’s alphabet and wrote a book. About themselves! And then they made lots of poetry and art and another book about themselves.
Then they stopped moving the capital every time the emperor died and kept it in one place for a while, right here (Kyoto, Heian Palace). And they conquered the north finally, get that squared away.
A rich hipster named Kūkai is bored with modern Buddhism and visits China, learns a better version which is more ♫♪ spiritual ♪♫, comes back, reinvents the alphabet, and causes art and literature to be ♫♪ great ♪♫ for a long time. And the royal palace turned into such a dreamworld of art that they really didn’t give a shit about running the country.
So if you live outside the palace, how are you supposed to protect your shit, from criminals? ♫♪ Hire a samurai. ♪♫ Everyone started hiring samurai. Rich important people hired samurai. Poor people who could not afford to hire samurai did not hire samurai. The samurai became organized and powerful, more powerful than the government. So they made their own military government, right here. They let the emperor still be emperor, but the shogun was actually in control.
Breaking news, the Mongols have invaded China.
"W̛e҉’ve i͟nv̕aded ̵Chi͠na̸,” said the Mongols, “Pl͘e̶a̷se̵ ͝res͢p̛ȩc̷t u͢s҉,͜ or͜ el̕se w͞e ͟m̛igh͟t ͠i͝nvade͡ ̕y͜o̕u̕ ͡a͡s̕ ̡well̀.̢”
“Okay,” said Japan.
So the Mongols came over, ready for war, and died in a tornadotyphoon. But they tried again, and had a nice time fighting with the Japanese, but then died in a tornadotyphoon.
Then the emperor overthrows the shogunate, then the shogunate overthrows him back and moves to Kyoto, and makes a new shogunate. And the emperor can still dress like an emperor if he wants, that’s fine.
♫♪ Now there’s more art. ♪♫
Like painting with less colors, collaborative poetry, plays, monkey fun, tea parties, gardening, architecture, flowers.
It’s time for who’s going to be the next shogun. Usually it’s the shogun’s kid, but the shogun doesn’t have a kid. So he tries to get his brother to quit being a monk and be the next shogun. He says okay. But then the shogun has a kid. So now who’s it gonna be? Vote now on your phones. And everyone voted so hard that the palace caught on fire and burned down. The shogun actually didn’t care, he was off somewhere doing poetry. And the whole country broke into pieces. Everyone is fighting with each other for local power, and it’s anybody’s game.
Knock knock, it’s Europe. No, they’re not here to take over, they just wanna sell some shit. Like clocks, and guns, and ♫♪ Jesus ♪♫. So that’s cool. But everyone’s still fighting each other for control. Now with guns! And wouldn’t it be nice to control the capital, which right now is puppets, with no one controlling them? This clan (Imagawa) is ready to make a run for it, but first they have to trample this smaller clan (Oda) which is in the way. Surprise, smaller clan wins! And the leader of that clan (Oda Nobunaga) steals the idea of invading the capital, and invades the capital. And it goes very well.
He’s about halfway through conquering Japan when someone who works for him kills him, then someone else who works for him (Toyotomi Hideyoshi) kills them, and that guy finishes conquering Japan. And then he confiscated everybody’s swords. And he made some rules.
“Ąnd͟ n͟ow I'̛m̶ goińg̡ to ͘inva͞d̨e ͝Kor͟e͡a,̵ an͝d͢ ̶the̴n h͜op̷ef̕ull͏y ̵Chin͢a̛,” he said, and failed, and also died.
But before he died, he told these five guys to take care of his five year old son until he’s old enough to be the next ruler of Japan. And the five guys said yeah right, it’s not gonna be this kid, it’s gonna be one of us. ‘Cause we’re grownups. And it’s probably gonna be this guy (Tokugawa Ieyasu) who happens to be way more rich and powerful than the others.
A lot of people support him, but a lot of people (Ishida Mitsunari) support not supporting him. They have a fight, and he wins. And starts a new government, right here. ♫♪ Edo ♫♪ And he still lets the emperor dress like an emperor, and have very nice things. But don’t get confused, this (Tokugawa family) is the new government. And they are very strict, so strict they close the country. No one can leave, and no one can come in. Except for the Dutch, if they wanna buy and sell shit, but they have to do it right here (Dejima).
Now that the entire country was not at war with itself, the population increased a lot. Business increased, schools were built, roads were built, everyone learned to read, books were published. There was poetry (haiku), plays (kabuki), sexytimes, puppet shows (bunraku), and Dutch studies. People started to study European science from books they bought from the Dutch. We’re talking geography, skeletons, physics, chemistry, astronomy, and maybe even electricity.
Over time, the economic and cultural prosperity began to gradually slow do-
*impending doom music*
Knock knock. It’s the United States. With huge boats. With guns. Gunboats.
“O͜pe͡ņ,̨ t͡he͏ ͘c̷o̷ưntry. ͠S̛t͜o̡p̛,̵ ҉ha͠v̀in͜g̷ i͝t̀ ͝be̴ ́clo͞sed.̢” said the United States.
*music ends*
There was really nothing they could do, so they signed a contract that lets United States, Britain, and Russia visit Japan anytime they want.
Chōshu and Satsuma hated this. “That sucks!” they said. “This sucks!!!”
And with almost very little outside help, (from Britain) they overthrew the shogunate. And somehow made the emperor the emperor again, and moved him to Edo, which they renamed eastern capital (Tokyo). They made a new government, which was a lot more Western. And they made a new constitution, which was.. pretty Western. And a military that was… pretty Western (large).
And do you know what else is Western? That’s right, it’s conquering stuff. So what can we conquer? Korea! They conquer Korea, taking it from its previous owner, China, and then go a little bit further (Liaodong Peninsula).
And Russia rushes in out of nowhere and says, “Stop no you can’t do that we were gonna build a railroad through here to try to get some warm water.” And Russia builds their railroad, supervised by a shitton of soldiers. Then, when the railroad was done, they downgraded to a fuckton. Did I say downgrade? I meant upgrade.
And Japan says, “Can you maybe chill?”
And Russia says, “How 'bout maybe you chill?”
Japan is kind of scared of Russia. You’ll never guess who's alsokind of scared of Russia. Great Britain! So Japan and Great Britain make an alliance together so they can be a little less scared of Russia. Feeling confident, Japan goes to war against Russia, but just for a moment, and then they both get tired and stop.
♫♪ It’s time for World War I ♪♫
The world is about to have a war. Because it’s the 1900s, and weapons are getting crazy, and all these empires are excited to try them out on each other. Meanwhile, Japan has been enjoying conquering stuff and wants m̵͡͝͝o͏̨̨̢͢o͏͏̵̧̕ơ̢̢͜͜o͠͏͢ó͘o̶̢̧ó̷͝͠o͝͡o̧͘r̨̢̕ȩ̸ and the next thing on their list is this part of China (Qingdao) and lots of tiny islands.
All that stuff belongs to Germany, which just had war declared on by Britain, because Britain was friends with Belgium, who was being trespassed by Germany in order to get to France to kick France’s ass because France was friends with Russia who was getting ready to kick Austria’s ass because Austria was getting ready to kick Serbia’s ass because someone from Serbia shot the leader of Austria’s ass. Err, actually, he shot him in the head. And Britain is currently friends with Japan. So you know what that means, duhhh.
♫♪ Japan should take the islands. ♪♫ Which they wanted to do anyway. So they sort of called Britain on the tele(gram) to sort of let them know, and then they did it! And they also helped Britain here and there with some errands and stuff. *bell rings*
Now the war is over, and congratulations Japan, you technically fought in the war which means you get to sit at the negotiating table (Paris Peace Conference), with the big dudes, where they decided who owns what. And yes, Japan gets to keep all that shit they stole from Germany. And you also get to join the post-war mega alliance ♫♪ the League of Nations ♪♫ whose mission statement is to try not to take over the world.
The Great Depression is bad, and Japan’s economy is now crappy. But the military is doing just fine, and it invades Manchuria. And the League of Nations is like ♪"No don’t do that if you’re in the League of Nations you’re not supposed to try to take over the world.“♪
And Japan said, ♫♪ How bout I do, anyway? ♪♫ And Japan invaded more and more and more of China, and was planning to invade the entire East.
You’ve got mail.
It’s from Germany, the new leader of Germany, he has a cool mustache and is trying to take over the world and needs friends. This also got forwarded to Italy. They all decided to be friends because they had so much in common.
♫♪ It’s time for World War II ♪♫
Germany is invading the neighbors, then they invade the neighbors’ neighbors, then, the neighbor’s neighbors’ neighbors, who happen to be Britain, said "Holy shiiit” and the United States started helping Britain because they are ♫♪ good friends ♪♫ and started not helping Japan because ♫♪" Their friends and our friends are not friends. Plus they’re planning on invaaading the entire ocean.“♪♫
The United States is also working on a large, very huge bomb. Bigger than any other bomb, ever. Just in case (Germany). But they still haven’t joined the war, war looks bad on TV, and the United States is really starting to care about their image.
But then Japan spits on them, in Hawai'i, and challenges them to war. And they say yes! And then Germany, as a symbol of friendship, declares war on the United States also. And they help the gang chase Germany back into Germany. And they also chase Japan back into Japan. And they haven’t used the bomb yet, and are curious to see if it works, so they drop it on Japan.
They actually drop two.
(You win.)
The United States installed a new government, inspired by the United States government, with just the right ingredients for a ♫♪ post-war economic miracle ♪♫ and Japan starts making TVs, VCRs, automobiles, and camcorders as fast as they can. And also better than everybody else. They get rich, and the economy goes wild. But then the miracle wears off, but everything’s still pretty cool I guess. ♪♫ Bye. ♫♪

You Deserve Punishment (M)

Description: You never wanted to see them again, you couldn’t bare facing them in the eyes. Not after what you witnessed. It would forever haunt you. Why? Because you discovered their dirty little secret; Park Jimin was the lover of Min Yoonji, who was actually a man.

Pairing: Jimin x Reader x Yoongi

Genre: Smut (M), angst, university!au

Word Count: 6,350

A/N: Extreme vulgar language use. Name calling, and heavy dom/sub undertones. There is also a lot of yaoi (boyxboy) action. Graphic descriptions of sex (oral, etc…) This is a mature read! You have been warned!

Originally posted by bellahasjams

Never in a million years, would you have expected to walk into a full 500 student lecture, only to easily spot the two people you never wanted to see again. There was a big lump held in your throat, as you quickly ducked your head down to find an empty seat. Unfortunately for you, the only empty seat you found was exactly a row behind these certain individuals. Trying to sit down as quietly as possible, you mentally screamed, You’ve got to be fucking kidding me! Since when did they come here?!? How could I not have known?!?

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MORNING AFTER WITH EXO || Friends version

waking up next to your best friend after a drunk one night stand can’t be good… right?

Minseok:

★when he first wakes to see your sleeping naked form next to him he’s sit upright in horror
★after finding the condom wrapper on the floor next to his clothes he’d chill out
★he’d wash, dress then go out to the kitchen
★when you wake to an empty bed, you think the small flashes of memory from last night were just part of your dream
★but after a few minutes, coffee begins to spread it’s delightful aroma around your room
★you wrap yourself in your dressing gown and follow the scent to it’s source
★and looky here
★a minseok
★upon hearing your footsteps, he turns to offer you a small smile
★'morning’
★'hi’
★'i raided your cupboards to make breakfast’
★you’d laugh at how cute and chill he was
★moving to sit on the counter next to him
★he’d give you a mug of coffee and offer a plate of pancakes
★'so about last night…’ you looked over his face
★'from what i remember it was good. and it’s nice not waking up to chaos like at the dorm’
★you finished your coffee and set your mug down for him to refill
★'i’m surprised your still here’
★'you’re my best friend and you think it’d hit and run?’ he’d pout as he sat opposite you
★'isn’t that how one night stands work? you hit it and run?’
★oh boy you’ve set him off laughing
★'i’m more of a hit and make sure the lovely victim has my details. just in case’ he’d wink
★you two would spend the morning drinking coffee and talking about everything hes done while off on tour


Junmyeon:

★upset bub p.1
★you’d left after waking up
★only leaving a note for him
★so many questions would run through his mind
★would you ever want to talk to him
★should he call you?
★send you flowers?
★diddly darn he was stuck
★he ended up calling you
★'hi, i’m sorry if you’re upset with me’
★'myeon, i wanted to stay, but i had work’ you’d laugh
★'i thought you’d left because you were upset!’
★'not at all, i had fun last night’
★'oh’
★'yeah’
★'i can pick you up after work and take you for lunch’
★'that sounds great’
★WOW WEE
★he would dress up nice and take you to a fancy ass place
★he’d treat you like a goddamn prince/princess


Yixing:

★baby boy would be so god damn fluffy
★like he’d just explode with warmth and love and giggles when he sees you sleeping next to him
★he’ll move his hand to your hair and play with the strands lovingly until you wake up
★'good morning, baobei’
★your little sleepy grunt in reply would make him giggle
★he’s pet your hair and hold you close until you’re fully awake to talk
★'should we wash and then go for breakfast?’
★'can’t we stay here longer?’
★'we can do whatever you want’
★cuddles upon cuddles upon cuddles
★and mindless chit chat
★how could cuddles in bed with this precious lamb be bad?


Baekhyun:

★you’d wake up before him
★you kinda just laid there for a bit debating what to do
★do you wake him
★or just leave??
★you decided to have a shower first
★and if he wasn’t awake when you were out, you’d write a note to him and leave
★so off you went
★halfway through washing your hair, the curtain was pulled back
★and this pup was just stood watching you
★you tried your best to cover yourself
★he just laughed and shook his head
★'you weren’t doing that last night. in fact, you couldn’t get your clothes off any quicker’
★'shut up baek’
★he’d just tease your mercilessly
★you turned the shower head to wet him
★which shut him up
★he kinda just stared
★which made you think he was mad
★but he suddenly just pushed into the shower with you
★'that wasn’t nice’ he’d pout, pushing you back against the wall
★'neither was leaving me bed on my own’
★'not my fault you wouldn’t wake up’
★'i worked hard last night i deserve a lay in’
★it would just be none stop giggles, kisses and cuddles for the day


Jongdae:

★upset bub p.2
★he’d watch you sleep for a few minutes before dressing and going to eat
★he felt bad that your first time together was when you were both out of your mind
★as he was drinking his milk, he’d hear your foot steps
★he went full !!!!!! mode
★when you came into the room, he’d do his best to hide
★and by hide i mean he’s stood behind the curtains
★'i see you dae,’
★'dae? who’s dae? i know no dae’
★it would make you laugh
★which then caused him to grin
★'you’re not mad at me?’
★'what’s done is done’
★'i’m mad at me for not remembering. maybe we should have a repeat’ he’d wink
★'shut up’
★'yes captain’


Chanyeol:

★this poor guy
★he had it all planned out on what to do when the two of you woke up
★he’ll run you a bath, let you raid his wardrobe so you’re comfy then make you breakfast
★he’d straight up just have a stroke when he doesn’t hear you snoring
★are you deaD???////????
★HOLY SHIT HE’D KILLED YOU?!
★it was supposed to be romantic and now he’d killed you
★shit
★oh no
★nevermind
★bless, his face would all be screwed up as he let his thoughts went mad
★you’re now staring at him with a confused look on your face
★'what are you thinking about?’ you’d ask with a laugh
★'how to bury your body’
★'oh’
★'nO SHIT I MEANT WHAT I’M GOING TO COOK YOU FOR BREAKFAST’
★his little cheeks would be bright red
★his plans were blown
★'breakfast sounds really good, actually’
★his famous grin would sprout on his face before he leans in and kisses your head
★'eggs and bacon coming your way’
★he’d jump out of the bed in such a rush to cook
★that he ended up tripping
★and now he’s just curled up naked on your floor
★real good going, chanyeol
★'just come back to bed for a while. i’ll cook when i get up’
★he’ll dive right back in and nuzzle his face into your neck
★'it was supposed to go better’
★'i know, chan’


Kyungsoo:

★soft
★v gentle
★11/10 would recommend
★but for real
★the most important thing is that you’re happy and that you’re comfortable
★you two could talk about what happened last night later on
★a shower and breakfast is more important
★so he kinda just shoves you to the bathroom to wash
★while he goes and works his magic in the kitchen
★probably cooks enough to feed the entire city because he’s nervous
★and actually doesn’t even know what your favourite breakfast food is
★when you enter the kitchen you just see all this food
★which you thank him for
★the two of you will eat
★then after your both full, the talk will come
★'how much of it do you remember?’
★'i remember seeing your stomach after all the teasing you did’
★'yeah?’
★'you buff up good’
★to which he’ll laugh 
★you’ll probably just turn the whole situation into a joke
★which always makes the others confused


Jongin:

★let’s be honest here
★this bub ain’t waking up
★so you’ll just grab your stuff and leave
★when he does wake up he’ll probably see your watch you left on the nightstand
★panicccccccccccc
★he’ll rush to your place to talk to you
★'you should’ve woken me up’
★'i could’ve walked you home’
★'did you leave because you were embarrassed?’
★so many questions
★he’d be so worried that it ruined your relationship
★you’d calm him down by patting his shoulder
★if you wanted to talk about it, you two would
★but if you wanted to put it behind you, you two would also do that


Sehun:

★would wake before you
★and just stare
★he’s in awe
★but he’s also really pissed off
★in awe because wow he just had really good sex with the person he holds most dear to his heart
★but WHAT THE FUCK HE BARELY REMEMBERS ANYTHING
★DID YOU ENJOY IT?
★DID YOU MOAN HIS NAME?
★DID HE MOAN YOUR NAME
★WHO WAS IN CHARGE????
★DID HE CUM BEFORE OR AFTER YOU?!
★his thoughts were cut off by you groaning and stretching out
★you turned your head to see him and offered a sleepy smile before sitting up
★when you reached for your clothes, he’ll pull you back down
★and wrap his long limbs around you
★'stay for a bit’
★'we can go out for breakfast’
★it’ll be so nice????
★probs leads to you two blooming into the hottest couple around
★bc how could he not wake up to you every morning?????

Bygones of the Sun | 03 (M)

Originally posted by hobismole

Genre: Angst/fluff/(future)smut || dance captain!hoseok, bad boy!au, uni!au

Pairing: Reader x Hoseok

Length: 7.8k

Summary: Jung Hoseok was once the sweetheart of the school, the dance captain whom every girl, including you, can’t help but fall head over heels for. But like the force of the ever-glowing sun, everything that rises must also set. A year of inactivity later and he’s now the school’s resident bad boy. You’re a firm believer of allowing the past be the past, and yet you can’t help but wonder where the risen sun has gone into hiding—because perhaps its shadows have out-shined its own radiance.

01 | 02 | 03 | 04

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Kiwi, Though.

A/N: this is a bit of an extension of the birthday bows/valentine woes world, but certainly functions as a stand alone piece.  thank you for the request*, nonny 😘

this is a very, very smutty, dirty piece about anal so if that’s not your thing, turn back now. there’s a lot of movement in this, so please offer me a bit of suspension of disbelief and just know that harry and his missus did everything they needed to in order to be clean and safe in this encounter.

*requests are currently closed


He didn’t mean it. Really, he didn’t. Well, he did, but he didn’t. And he certainly didn’t mean it anymore. Not now. Not now that you were hanging it over his head and torturing him with it.

It had been just another nightly FaceTime before bed from miles and miles apart; well bedtime for you, the night had only just started in Jamaica. And it was just typical banter to hide the sour feeling due to return once you hung up. And it was just a sly comment to rile you up, get you excited to join him in Jamaica in a few days.

“Yeh not gonna be able to keep yeh hands off me, love.” And that would have been enough, but Harry often struggled when it came to shutting his big, stupid mouth. “Not even if yeh wanted.”

Your eyes went wide in surprise, mouth ajar with incredulity. “Excuse me?” you scoffed. “I can keep my hands to myself much better than you can, H.”

“Right.” A cocky smirk crossed his lips. “Always got yeh hands all over me, kitten, ’specially when we’re reunited. S’never enough with you. Keep me up all night–satisfy your every need–but then yeh right back on me in the mornin’. Insatiable, you are.”

“If I’m insatiable, what’s that make you?!” Sure, he was right; you liked a few sleepless nights upon reunion, enjoyed testing the limits of your bodies, but it’s not like he protested. It’s not like he didn’t want to explore your body, relearn your inner workings mind, body and soul and try a few new things, too.

“Sex slave. At your every beck and call, kitten.” He was pleased with himself, grinning ear-to-ear as he teased you.

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2

A/N: Part II of this Imagine. I also put a request from @dreamwalker08 in there. It just worked together perfectly. Enjoy!

Words: 1958
Warnings: violence, smut (on the battlefield)

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His || Jungkook || 0.17

Member: Jungkook x Reader

Type: Angst, Fluff, Smut.

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