no one messes with my food

I'm morbidly curious...

Context - We were looking through our inventories to see how much food we had left.

Druid: “Oh yeah, I forgot about these weird mushrooms I picked up forever ago.”

DM: “OH MY GAWD. Just EAT one already, I’ve been waiting forever for that.”

Druid: “But I still don’t know what THEY DO.”

DM: “If you don’t eat them soon, they’re going to HATCH.”

Entire Party: “….. W A I T.  W H A T????”

The Batkids at Wayne Parties

Dick: The charmer who’s definitely the most attractive person there and is always flirted with by the ladies  

Barbara: The only one who’s actually up for intelligent conversation and also kills it with Dick on the dance floor 

Jason: The ghost who Bruce said isn’t allowed to attend because he’s legally dead but who still sneaks downstairs to hide under tables and steal food 

Cass: The quiet one who is always flirted with by gross men and laughs when Bruce comes over and growls “that’s my daughter” before punching them 

Tim: The Teenage Mess™ who hides in corners and tries to look like he’s busy texting on his phone but is actually just typing gibberish on a notepad 

Steph: Tim’s date who’s really only there for the buffet and to gossip about the Waynes to the paparazzi 

Damian: The small evil chihuahua who has to deal with every single old lady in the vicinity pinching his cheeks  

Sticky fingers.

About 8 years back, when I was only 16 or so and working at McDonald’s for my first job, I had an irate customer come storming through the door.

They screamed at me about part of their order being messed up and it being cold after they’d driven 10 minutes to get home. After verbally degrading me and treating me like less than human, they demanded I replace the order (fine) and give them a free soft serve in a cone for all their trouble (not fine).

I do as he says, but I’m totally pissed about a 30 odd year old man enjoying a power trip over someone half their age when I hadn’t been the one who messed up their order and his food wouldn’t have been cold if he’d eaten it right away like you’re supposed to.

So I replace his food and grab his ice-cream. But when I turn my back to fill up the cone, I crush it ever so slightly so that the bottom part of the cone loses almost all its structural integrity, but it holds its shape. I also choose not to include any napkins in his bag.

I handed him his food and ice-cream and watched as he turned away. He wasn’t even out the door before I heard the cone smush fully in his hand and his noise of disgust as he quickly tries to stop the leaking ice-cream getting all over him. But it gets everywhere. As he left, I saw him toss his ice-cream in the bin and shake off the excess ice-cream. Since he thought it was his own fault, he couldn’t come back in and whinge at me.

Hope you enjoyed your sticky fingers, arse wipe. I certainly did.

So, our party (the same one with the 9 year old halfling wizard) is investigating a temple, and we find a table full of rotten food and goblets full of human blood that is still warm. After discovering that the goblets and an altar in the room are magical, we are trying to figure out how the magic works.

Me (half-orc cleric): I want to pick up the goblet from the ground a put a chicken leg in it.
DM: Okay.
Me: I want to put the goblet with the chicken leg in it on the altar. Is the chicken still rotten?
DM: There is now a chicken leg in a goblet on an altar. The chicken is still rotten.

valentine's date with yoongi

- almost missing your reservation bc the both of you were napping in his studio “do we have to get up” “I made a reservation for dinner” “ughghghhgh”

- holding you in his arms while pedaling the both of you to the restaurant “your bike is going to break I’m heavy” “nah you’re light” watching him laugh as his bed hair is blown around by the wind

- pulling twigs out of your hair before going into the restaurant “you can’t see them let me do it” him gently pulling them out and grinning at you

- staring at you fondly while eating dinner and missing his mouth with the fork “yoongi look at your food” “you look like a mess” “right right so do you” “you look like a really pretty mess”

- ending up walking home underneath the stars with one of yoongis arms around you and his jacket over your shoulders “im sleepy” “you’re always sleepy”

5

Prompto_overload (comic 8)

What do we learn today, kids? That’s right, do NOT mess with the moe one. MT!Prompto learnt it the hard way, bless.

This MT!Prompto design is created by @chocobaes. At this point, imma just send trucks loaded with kudos to you guys.  ❤ ❤ ❤

Read: comic guide (updated) || comic 0 || comic 1 || comic 2 || comic 3 || comic 4 || comic 5 || comic 6 || comic 7 || comic 8 

Keep reading

2

Gavin: Ryan can I borrow your mask for 6.30 minutes?

Ryan: I have an extra

Ryan: As long as it doesn’t mess up my reputation, I’ll lend it to you for however long you need.

Gavin: Thanks Rye-bread! I only need it for six and a half minutes to fix a minor problem in a security feed clip that I need to use for some bribery reasons

Ryan: I say you raise some hell afterwards, Gav.

Gavin: Is that…is that permission to use the mask

Gavin: can I wear it and rob the mask shop for more masks

Gavin: And then make a bomb that will blow up…something fun

Gavin: BLOW UP THE PIER NEAR THE HOTDOG STAND

Gavin: the one that gave me food poisoning

Ryan: Sounds like a party.

thesirennebula  asked:

Hello! I'm kind of a newer follower but I don't eat wheat stuff cause of unknown allergies and so for the past almost a year now one of my staple foods has been lentil pasta which is amazing and fast and has protein and is good with mushrooms, but the problem is it always boiled over and made a huge mess. I saw your posts about adding salt and a bit of oil to the water and yesterday when I made my lentil pasta--no mess!! Just yummy lunch!!! Thank you for sharing your info!!!! :) :) :) <3

Yay! I am so glad that worked for you :) I wish I could still eat lentils, they are very tasty, but alas they are one more thing that cause me some issues. Not as bad as other things mind you, but enough for me to think twice about eating them. Anyhoo, yes, good, excellent I am pleased to hear this :D

‘’Big’’ announcement

I am very fortunate to be in this loving community with all of you amazing human beings. You inspire me daily and I always learn something new or valuable. 

Lately I’ve been getting a lot of lovely messages about my blog and most are also related to my avatar, Tina Belcher. I love Tina, her views are ones that I’d love to live by, always strong, optimistic and so self aware.

But I need a change. I want this blog to represent more of me and the avatar is a great place to start. So today I will start ‘’fresh’’. You’ll see more of me, my journey and my self-growth. 

Since the beginning of 2017 I’ve been busy, unorganised and it has all been a big mess, with no goals in sight. My body has been going through different changes each week (from stress to junk food to health and fitness and then back to work, more junk food and so on…)

I will use tumblr to keep myself in check, to make some goals and most importantly, to become a better version of myself. I’ll call it Ana 2.0.

This post is a written promise to myself, that I will start being nicer to my body and my mind. 

I don’t know where I’m going with this, I just hope that when I get there, It’ll be pretty neat. Hope everyone is having a beautiful day, keep pushing forward and never give up  ♥

P.S I am so sorry for the pic change.. I do get kind of irritated when someone changes their dp..cause I don’t know who they are for some time then… ^^  I just really need to do it.

4

The Fox Returns.

A joke I made with my friends.:P 

It’s about Kylo saved fox!Hux once, so Hux want to express gratitude to him in return. He turned into human shape, found Kylo’s home and stay, ate up all the food and made the house a total mess. And he always return no matter how many times Kylo has thrown him away.
The idea comes from traditional fairies of Chinese and Japanese, however in thoses stories, foxes usually pay back with wealth or good fortune, even marry the ones who saved them.

Hey y’all, my little doggo had dental surgery today and he came out of it just fine, with clean teeth minus one messed-up old pug tooth that they had to pull, and the vet said that he was “a very good boy” and a “charmer” for her and the techs so I am very pleased with my pal. :3

(I have been legit losing a lot of sleep over the thought of something happening to my Special Boy, so I wanted to relief-post. More dog pics coming soon when he’s feeling better and can be out and about and eating solid foods, and also when Tumblr lets me upload image posts(?????).)

anonymous asked:

I shared with you my husband's embarrassing line ("careful, this [tea] is almost as hot as you"). Today my best friend joins the list of "overly sweet things Victor would say to fluster/amuse Yuuri". We got tea and I needed sugar and she said she was tempted to go "here you go, sugar for my Sugar" and I just choked. Not laughed. Choked. We were drawing and she helpen me with a post-canon YOI comic and it was a great day even if I'm physically unwell. I hope you're having a good day, too!

AKSLDJFSADFAFDS VICTOR TOTALLY WOULD SAY THAT. It’d be so cringe though that even he would wince and be like…. Okay…. I don’t think I’ll use that one again. Yuuri groans too but he really finds it super cute and then they throw food at each other and make a mess

Aww too bad you’re unwell but the comic sounds cool ;o ;o ;o I hope you have an awesome day!

tbh this is my favorite jack kelly/katherine plumber exchange i've written and i had to make an entire newsies as lilo and stitch characters au just to write it and that post won't go far but i need the dialogue to get the attention it deserves
  • Katherine (walks in, everything is a mess, Jack is holding Race under one arm while multiple pots boil over and drip food on the counter): What are you doing?!!?
  • Jack (breathing heavily): MY DAMN BEST!!!

There are toys on the floor, little socks and shirts on the sofa and the high chair is dirty from baby food. “What on earth?” You say out loud, confused by the mess. “Harry?” No answer. You drop your bag and keys on the floor and head upstairs to your and Harry’s bedroom, where you find him and your lovely daughter, her small hands wrapped around Harry’s torso. Quiet snores are leaving their lips and she snuggles her face on Harry’s soft cotton shirt. “My babies”.

Fellow Maul fans, it’s been one heckuva ride (so far..) And no matter what happens by the end of season 3 I just want to take a look at Maul through the years because…. feels.

TPM Maul:
-silent
-badass
-hot
-and strangely seductive???
-horrible dental hygiene
-murders your baes and steals your heart
-#SITH

Spider-Maul:
-messed up
-I mean wtf
-broken in every sense of the word
-needs help
-and food
-you just want to hold him

Galactic Domination Maul:
-still hot
-(hot damn)
-v-neck shirt 👌
-has dreams to monologue about
-literally is 100% aesthetic
-murders your baes but you’re too far gone to hate him

Destroy the Sith™ Maul:
-sass grandpa
-no legs no shirt no problems
-finally seen the light??? Hahaha no
-magically perfect teeth
-smartass
-still hot like how even
-Lady Tano

Destroy the Sith™ (more like Kenobi) Maul 2.0:
-polo shirt
-literally never shuts up
-seriously he has no filter
-still doesn’t succeed at anything
-tries so hard
-can’t take a hint
-you think he just needs a hug

[Ficlet] Happy Secrets

You never know anyone fully. Prompto figured that went double if your best friend’s the crown prince of a doomed kingdom. But secrets are hard to keep hidden when they spend day in and day out in close quarters. Prompto fiddled with the bandana around his wrist. He, if anyone, should know. Gladio sat on the other side of the fire, patching up a shirt that couldn’t have cost him more than a 100 gil. Waste not, want not, he’d say, and sure, what they saved on clothing they could spend on food and shelter. Noctis had flopped down by the tent and sighed when he pulled his boots off to see his wet blue socks specked with blood.

“What’s wrong?” Gladio asked.

“My feet are a mess.” Noctis peeled off one sock and winced.

Gladio looked up at him. He had told Noctis to get another pair of shoes at their last stop, warned him about the pains of walking through wetlands in boots with no give. Prompto turned his attention back to Ignis and the Leiden potatoes when a sermon was imminent.

“Come here,” Gladio said and put his shirt aside.

Prompto saw him dig around in his bag for a first aid kit while Noctis scooted himself closer to Gladio. Prompto could not read the two. There were times when they squabbled on principle alone and then there were other times when they were in harmonious sync for no apparent reason.

Gladio placed Noctis feet on his lap and swabbed the shallow wounds with disinfectant. Noctis hissed at the pain and laid down to cover his face.

“Does it hurt anywhere else?”

“Yeah, the back of the foot. The foot curve. By the toes.” Noctis wiggled his toes until Gladio laughed and pinched his calf.

“Don’t be cheeky.”

“I thought you were into feet.”

Gladio pinched his calf with his whole hand then, sending Noctis into a fit of giggles as he tried to pull his leg back. “Gladio! It tickles!” Whatever else he tried to say faded into laughter.

Prompto considered nudging Ignis to see if he was as surprised, but Ignis seemed to be unraveling a secret of the world in the potato he was chopping into fine cubes. He didn’t bat an eye until Noctis managed to wrestle Gladio down onto the ground. Gladio let out a yell of surprise, but that, too, was submerged in laughter.

“Mind the tent, please,” Ignis said and glanced their way for a brief second. “Prompto, are you done with the carrots?”

Prompto looked down at the potato he was holding and then at Ignis, “I thought you wanted more of these. I’ll get to the carrots right away!” Prompto reached for the carrots. “So, uh, are we just gonna pretend that’s not happening right now?” Prompto asked and pointed at Gladio who currently had a struggling Noctis in an armlock.

Ignis put Prompto’s hand down, “We never point with a knife, unless…”

“Unless there’s a Magitek on the other end of it,” Prompto finished.

The laughter had simmered down into chuckles. Gladio had won their short-lived wrestle match, and yet, Noctis didn’t seem to mind. He placed his hand on Gladio’s cheek for a playful shove, smiling. Gladio grabbed Noctis’ wrist mid-shove and turned his head to place a soft kiss at the base of his hand. It was a blink-and-miss. When Gladio sat back down, he placed his hands around Noctis’ knees in a gentle grasp and pulled him in close. The touching wasn’t new. Out of the three, Gladio was the one to touch Noctis the most. What was new was Noctis’ amused and encouraging reactions to it, the coy smiles and subtle touching of Gladio’s legs when he was pulled in close enough. It was too intimate, like Prompto wasn’t meant to be sneaking glances at them. But then again, they were out in the open, in company, acting like the leading couple of last summer’s blockbuster movie, Finding Juliet.

“I’ve got something for you,” Gladio said and dug into his bag again.

“I’m not wearing those,” Noctis said in the same tone he used to talk about beans.

Gladio held up a pair of the most unfashionable boots to ever exist. Mid-calf boots, band-aid colored, round toe, visible seams, and obvious woolly insides; Prompto could only conclude Gladio had made them himself from scraps of old leather vests and the insides of long lost pillows. Waste not, want not to the extreme. Despite Noctis’ half-hearted protests, Gladio carefully put the brand new shoes on.

“Nice, huh?” Gladio beamed at Noctis’ surprised expression.

“Like feet hugs. Where’d you get them?”

“The lady at the last farm we went to overheard me talking to you about shoes. Said your feet would look like Meldacio cheese after a walk out here. She promised me three other pairs if we go back with a Mighty Barramundi, so that’ll be your time to shine.”

“I always shine, like that song on the radio. How’d it go?” Noctis hummed for a few seconds before he found the melody, much to Gladio’s dismay.

Prompto smiled to himself as he, too, hummed along and chopped the carrots. There were probably a lot of things Noctis kept from him, but as long as those things were happy secrets, Prompto didn’t mind.

Food for Noodle: a variety of fresh/frozen, raw seafood enhanced with multivitamins for nutrition
Food for damsels: alternating between an expensive, high quality flake food, frozen brine/mysis shrimp, and a meat/vege variety blend with multivitamins.
Food for me: one (1) entire box of marshmallow peeps. Fifteen (15) peeps into my mouth all of them i ate all the peep