no one is going to think this is funny but i'm trying

Lapis Lazuli rant

The New Crystal gems kind of reminded me that I did use to like Lapis when she was first introduced. She just needs to be in episodes more often, because her character got boring for a while and it was really hard to get a read on what her intentions were (still is, they’re just making an effort now). 

For everyone who says they don’t get why Lapis and Peridot get along, I feel like they bonded over art(meep-morps) at the barn. And I suppose that they both have being trapped on earth in common lol. I don’t feel like they’re being fanservicey, it feels like Lapidot shippers have everyone paranoid.

My only complaint about Lapis is that there is such inconsistancy with how she’s drawn (Peridot too tbh) I  just think it’s funny how her eyes go back to normal in episodes where she talks a lot like the last one, but then the other 80% of the time she just makes this face

Sometimes I think about the kind of stuff Batman overhears at night...
  • Batman: *lurking somewhere as usual*
  • Harley: "Ow! How many times do I have to tell ya to take off those damn rings!"
  • Batman: "I think it's time for me to go home now..."
what your favorite fo4 companion says about you
  • Cait: you can and will get into a fight about anything. you probably like pineapple pizza, which is your favorite go-to fight topic. you're ideal death is being crushed between a woman's thighs.
  • Codsworth: you've always wanted your own personal butler, and now you've got one. it's better than you could have ever imagined, like getting back the family you watched die in front of you. you are so lonely. why would bethesda do that?? just? kill your spouse and steal your child? you don't understand. you need a hug. also you've got a surprisingly acerbic wit for someone who thinks codsworth calling you "mr fucker" is funny.
  • Curie: you're just trying to make a life in this horrible fallout wasteland, while simultaneously protecting your cute french girlfriend. you don't care about sin or kinkshaming, you just want to love and be loved in return. you're trying to beef up on your history knowledge so you can give curie tours around town. it's hard work impressing such a cute girl.
  • Danse: you love trash. dumpster-diving is your absolute all-time favorite hobby. sometimes you find old mementos that people have thrown away, and cry, because the meaningful side of junk has shown itself to you while you were surrounded by your pile of tin cans. also you were smart enough to figure out how to get danse out of his power armor and saw that rockin bod.
  • Dogmeat: honestly you're just playing this game for the dog. you have an entire storage of teddy bears just for him. do you even know the other companions's names? probably not. what's the point if they aren't dogmeat. you cried the first time he stood up on his hind legs.
  • Deacon: you love being kinkshamed. people can give it all they've got, it just makes you stronger. you have the fucking worst sense of humor, and will probably die because of a stupid idea that sounded cool or hilarious at the time. the most chill about your fave not being romanceable, people are often fooled into thinking you aren't heartbroken. but you are. you don't understand. why is deacon the only human who can't be romanced?? why god damn iT W--
  • Hancock: you are literally always sinning. you could stop if you wanted to, but, let's be honest, that's never gonna happen. conversations with you are mostly comprised of people typing your name in all caps, followed by the words "no" or "stop". you think bad jokes are hilarious, especially when you're the one telling them. there are no two words that bring you greater joy than "dank memes".
  • MacCready: all you wanted to do was steal things and shoot the shit with the fuckin fo3 easter egg. where did the emotions come from?? you don't know, but you've got a shotgun ready for the next person that hurts a hair on this man's head. every time you think about him for too long you cry. you'll punch any mungo who points that out, though.
  • Nick: you're high-key salty. it's okay, you deserve to be. everyone knows you got shafted. still, you've got a good imagination on you, and you're great at denial. sometimes in your dreams you actually succeed at romancing your beautiful noir detective. you always wake up, though. you always wake up. you enjoy lying in the shade. you don't need to be shady to people, they walk up to you and shade themselves. you're the physical manifestation of the sunglasses emoji.
  • Piper: in a world full of kinks, only you are brave enough to be their shamer. your shaming often includes both low-key and high-key shade, because some people don't just need to get out of the gutter, they need to be dragged out. and you love dragging people. you daydream constantly about living on that one lesbian island all the heteros keep talking about.
  • Preston: you're an honest-to-god good person. or, at least, you aspire to be. you know people have their kinks and their best-left-unsaid sins, but you love and appreciate them anyway, because you know everyone's just doing their best, and a little faith goes a long way. that's a lie. you send everyone to jail. you protect the peace and you're goddamned proud of it. still, you're trying to be a nicer person. for preston.
  • Strong: you have a size kink as big as all of massachusetts. just hearing that comparison turns you on. the thought of hulk/strong has crossed your mind at some point. don't lie.
  • X6-88: you had a thing for the matrix when you were younger, didn't you? it's come back to haunt you, now. you secretly wish x6 would call you "Mr. Anderson". You have a leather fetish.
Muggle Wonders

This wasn’t a request but I just had to write this one. I’ve been thinking about doing this for months and I’ve decided to because I just think this is damn funny. 

Could you imagine getting George Weasley high?

Pairing: George Weasley/Reader
Warning(s): lol weed #woke 
Words: 2436

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Let’s 👏 be 👏 real 👏 here 👏

Lucio is all cute and sweet and just a literal ray of sunshine. But that doesn’t mean he’s going to let people walk all over him tho. Like if someone says some shit to him, his smile just drops. And he’s just like,“Hold on… Let me get my phone, so I can call 1-800-WHO-THE-FUCK-YOU-THINK-YOU-TALKIN-TO because I KNOW it ain’t me bitch.” And he goes the fuck off and ever since no one tried to get on his bad side.

What’s funny is [that] I’m 37, and when you start playing music, night after night, from decades ago, you start to reflect on who you were when you were younger and the things you wrote music about. A lot of what we write music about is the uncertainty of being young, and trying to figure out who you are in the world, and what it’s going to be like when you grow older, and who it is you’re going to find, right? That’s what all of these songs are about—that’s what this song is about. It’s really hard when you’re young and you’re like, ‘This is never gonna work; I’m never gonna figure this out.’ And then one day you just do. And for me, I did when I got married. My wife helped me through everything. So now, when I play these songs—and she’s six months pregnant, by the way—all I think about is, ‘I’m so glad I don’t have to feel this way anymore.’ It’s a really great feeling. I never have to worry about finding someone to date ever again in my entire life. So here is to all of you finding that person in your life, and never having to worry about your life being an analogy for dying in a shipwreck, like this song is.
—  Jesse Lacey on the song Play Crack The Sky 

What’s going on with the picture frame behind them…? :/

I love Rhett being so offended by the word “moist.”

“You still haven’t gotten back at me.” That’s true, Rhett. I don’t think Link throwing his phone away counts as revenge though. The fans need to see it happen for it to count. XD

Is it just me, or is Rhett giving Link some really thirsty looks today. o_o

They ain’t slick for trying to plug GMC already. :P

Another thing I love: Rhett wandering around in VR in the background like a lost child.

The computer voice in this game kinda sounds like the voice at the beginning of Portal 2, only not as funny.

“Why is no one else working at this facility?” Because the developers didn’t have the patience or skill to add NPCs and wanted to make some quick cash with a game using the word “simulator” in the title, probably. >.>

Why does the perspective keep changing XD

“I’m gonna hire everybody. Why not?” I WISH I could catch a hiring manager in that kind of mood. T_T

angelandfaith  asked:

I FEEL U SO MUCH wrt feeling things so strongly & feeling obnoxious & attention-seeking whenever you mention being upset. this is 100% something that no one else is thinking about u, though! you come across (here, at least!) as someone who is intelligent & funny (also punny) & passionate etc and that's what people are gonna notice about you! not to be cheesy but like, you're one of my fave bloggers and i wanted to say somethin. anyway - im glad to hear you're gonna eat some food. ily <3

!!!! lydia i’m so bad at articulating Emotions about people and things and just…in general…because i tend to bottle things up, but this means really a lot to me and i’m going to try and remember it next time i’m feeling Bad. i really really appreciate you <333

so i went to the scholastic art show for my sister cause she won a silver key, and there were free cookies and drinks- so i took two lemonades instead of one and told my sister and she thought it was funny- it turned into a game on how many lemonades and lemon iced teas i could fit in my pockets and sneak out with cause like- free shit. I ended up taking 9 cans and now that it’s over i actually feel really really bad about it and want to give all the cans back but i can’t now- it’s over. and i’m a terrible person

you know i’m not big fan of empress cirilla ending but 

empress of nilfgaard going to peace negotiations to skellige, to meet with its queen who’s had enough of war and wants her country to grow, to change 

they both take their roles very seriously and spend so much time discussing these matters that they bore out even the advisors, both of them slightly trying to impress the other one with power and knowledge 

cerys inviting cirilla to feast to celebrate the treaty, with tons of ale and food, people laughing and singing around the tables, telling her “you probably don’t know fun in your land, empress, so i will have to show you" 

both of them laughing about old times, even though they didn’t really like each other back then (which is exactly why it’s so funny. especially when it comes to ciri’s crush on hjalmar. "i mean no offense, ciri - she calls her by the name because after certain amount of ale, titles no longer matter - but what, for the love of gods, have you seen in my brother?”. to which ciri laughs, saying that she has no idea either). 

later, after the feast, when cirilla is escorted to her room, perhaps a bit tipsy (empresses don’t get drunk, cirilla, she hears in emhyr’s voice in her head) and starts getting ready for the bed, she gets a surprise visit from the queen, wearing a thin shift. “why so surprised?” she asks, golden eyes gleaming with mischief in the firelight. “you know that we, islanders, aren’t exactly known for subtlety. when we want something, we take it, empress." 

in the end, being the empress of nilfgaard didn’t turn out to be that bad.

I need to ask something of the phandom right now. I hate to do this because everyone will say I worry too much or I’m too overprotective, but IDC, I’m gonna say it anyway because hell, that’s who I am:

PLEASE, for the love of God, DON’T bother Dan about this anymore! He clearly doesn’t want to talk about it anymore after these last replies. I don’t think he’s gonna do a liveshow this tuesday because of his well deserved break with friends, but when he does another one, don’t go all: “what were the tweets all about??” on him.

Let me explain why: I don’t think he’s telling the whole truth. No, he’s not just lying because he wants to, he’s telling half truths like he usually does whenever things bother him. He’s always ‘trying to be funny’ to a certain extent when he tweets. This is something very different. He’s trying to calm us down because he doesn’t want people to worry and question him. But I feel like it’s more than that.

Look, humor and self-depreciation are Dan’s coping mechanisms. It’s clearly so. His channel is basically a therapy thing (hence the internet support group) where he can let his problems out through humor and entertain people. We can see both attempts at humor and self-depreciation in the tweets from last night and the new tweets today. He’s still striving to make it seem funny because that’s the way he deals with things.

The thing with coping mechanisms is people NEED them. You have to let him have it, ok? He needs the reassurance that he can say those things, that he can be open. I wish he wouldn’t close himself off and laugh it off again, but we’re just strangers on the internet, no matter how much we love him, ok? You gotta remember that.

So PLEASE whenever he does another liveshow, don’t force him to talk about it. Don’t force him to make up an elaborate story to explain why he thought the tweets would be funny. He doesn’t owe us anything else, ok? Let him be, plz, he doesn’t need the kind of stress of having to come up with an explanation to his tweets just for people to laugh at him again and call him a liar.

I will never be over Eremin and how their desire to see the world outside has influenced them.

  • When Armin was about to get eaten, thinking about their dream to see the outside world gave a semi-lethargic Eren, enough strengh to jump in the titan mouth in save Armin.  
  • When Eren was inside the beard titan’s stomach, his last thoughts before his transformation were about titans taking everything away from him, his life and his dream to see the outside world with Armin.
  • When Eren had lost complete control over his titan form an had secluded himself inside his mind, Armin was the one who brought him back to his senses. Not by mentioning his drive to kill the titans and exact revenge, rather by reminding him their dream to see the world outside.
  • When titan Eren was attempting to close the hole in the wall Rose, all he was thinking about was fight to see through that dream to see the world outside, the real freedom.
  • When Eren lost complete hope after he regained his memories of what happened with his dad, he was in tears while talking about what his father’s actions had resulted. But he started to cry when he thought about his dream to see the world outside, how he deserved none of that and wasn’t necessary.

Seeing the outside world is so important to him Eren even talked about it in front of the 104th squad the night of their graduation. It’s such a “primordial desire” for Eren that the author still bring it back at different point in time in the story. 

And I’m forever crying because Armin gave that dream to Eren, his all important drive in the story.

I’m forever crying because Eren and Armin have pretty much associated that dream to each other, to the point where hearing the other talk about it influence them both. (Armin decides to join the Scouting Legion too after he hears Eren talk about their dream.)

I’m forever crying over Eremin. more like forever emotionally compromised with this ship

everyone is always like “shove it up my ass” when they read a good fanfic but what if you actually did. and you died. So they’re doing the autopsy and the examiner is like “I found hundreds of pages up in their colon.” and the detective assigned to your death, because you just died for NO REASON and they think it might be murder, is like “Why? Why would someone shove paper up their ass? Were they a spy? Is it a transcript? Does it unlock the secrets to the universe???” No, its not, it’s your favorite fanfic of your OTP. They clean off the pages, spend time making the words legible again, spend thousands of dollars trying to figure out why these pages are so important just to be like “It was a story, there were two men and one of them was pretending to be a fake boyfriend but they fell in love. The whole thing was rather romantic really, they even fucked in one of the guys parents kitchen at one point and then baked muffins after.” The examiner now ships your OTP. The detective is confused, their whole career means nothing now. Everything they worked for. Your death makes no sense. The detective looses everything, their family, friends, significant other. They start drinking, they reread your favorite fanfic a thousand times. Think that there must be a code in it. Travels the world talking to cryptographers. Even contacts Dan Brown who then puts a restraining order on the detective. The police chief suspends them, takes their badge. “Let it go! It’s over! You can’t bring them back!” The detective feels their heart break, all of their goals and aspirations attached to that one piece of metal. Their life spirals out of control all because you shoved a fanfic up your ass. 

ok this is gonna sound fake because idk what the hell was going on at my gradeschool but I promise u this actually happened

so my third grade classroom was divided into all these different “clubs” that we had made, but the two main ones were the bubble club (of which I was a proud member) and the corn club which was made up of soon-to-be fuckboys and just generally obnoxious 9 year olds

our two clubs had some weird kind of rivalry and we would try to annoy each other and sabotage the other club a lot (the clubs didn’t even do anything??? I don’t know what we were “sabotaging” but anyway…)

the corn club had this little chant that they did about worshipping the “Corn King” ???? idk why they let that slide at our tiny suburban catholic school, but yeah they would yell out “CORN” during a teachers lecture and dance around u doing their corn chant at recess, it was a mixture of “random” humor and just pure hell basically

and I had had ENOUGH

one day I went home and devised a master plan to get rid of the corn club once and for all. I took a little baby corn from our freezer, made it a tiny paper crown, a tiny paper cape, and drew on tiny xs for the eyes. then I got some construction paper and made a card that depicted a corn cob burning and basically wrote “WHERES UR CORN KING NOW????”

the next morning, I got to school early and slipped the package into the club leader’s desk while no one else was in the room. then I just went back outside to wait with the other kids

as soon as we all sat down for homeroom and the club leader found the package, all hell broke loose. it was a shit storm. 25 nine year olds crowding around each other screaming “what the fudge????!!” Everyone started yelling conspiracy theories, I heard more than one mention of “ghosts” and even “the corn gods,” my teacher was oblivious to our classroom rivalry and was just trying to figure out what was going on. more than one girl started crying. I don’t know what was happening

but as soon as kids started getting falsely accused I knew I had to give it up. there was a momentary silence in our room, followed by a series of cheers. my teacher just laid her head down on her desk. I got high fives from more than half the class (the highest honor for a 9 year old)

and that is the amazing story of how I destroyed the infamous corn club and probably peaked in third grade

         First off,  excuse this graphic, because honestly i haven’t done one of these types of graphics before ( i don’t think ). plus, i wanted to try && make something funny for it since this is going to honestly get somewhat emotional for me. Okay, now moving on. 

          i can’t believe that it’s been a WHOLE YEAR since i made liam. i’ve met so many nice && sweet people on here. I also made a ton of amazingly talented friends who i love a ton. it honestly means so much to me that i’ve been able to keep up with a muse like liam for so long. he’s actually been my very first permanent canon muse. i’ve never felt more connected with a muse then i have with him, && i just wanted to thank everyone who has ever roleplayed with me in helping me develop whether they have been in a canon thread, au thread or a group verse, thank you all. if it wasn’t for all of you kind people i don’t know what i would’ve done with this kid.

           i hope to keep roleplaying this guy for a long ass time, because i’m SO ATTACHED to him && all of you guys. i really can’t express how grateful i am to everyone who follows me && roleplays with me, but i’m going to try with a GIVEAWAY. i haven’t done one in months && honestly within those few months i like to think i got a tad bit better with my graphics && icons. if you’re interested in that i’ll be posting the details about it later tonight.

           anyways, below the cut is my bias list && in advance i want to apologize if i missed anyone, because honestly i’m really horrible with remembering some urls, especially if you’ve archived or changed urls. so please forgive me, know it wasn’t on purpose. i love you guys!!! thank you so much once again.

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People better stop calling Walter stupid.

You are all rude af. He’s having a breakdown and it’s not like it isn’t justified. No one was trying to hurt him, but they don’t understand how he works. He doesn’t understand how he works. All of he repressed emotions flooded out at once. All of them. His love for Paige and Ralph and Cabe. The pain from Baghdad. All of his anger. The fact two more people died right in front of him for something he felt was his fault. There’s no doubt that he probably thinks the team is going to fall apart without the other three. And again, he’ll probably blame himself. It must’ve been beyond overwhelming. None of us would be doing any better than him.

I know he is a fictional character but he is my child and I will defend him until the end of the earth. Or the edge of the cliff. That’s not funny. I’m sorry.

I’m not fond of controversy so I was afraid to make this post, but when something doesn’t sit right with you sometimes you need to express your opinion….

This tweet here is not okay or funny, because it is taking quite a serious matter and turning it into a joke. I get what they were going for, but trying to defend Islam turned into being nasty towards a human being and in a way comparing him to a major terrorist group. People are losing their lives, being separated from loved ones, having to flee their homes, this going on is not an opportunity for you to trash a person that you dislike. 

I’m sure some will think I am overreacting but consider the nature of this tweet, what it implies, and the times in which it was posted, and you should agree that’s it’s very inappropriate, actually flat out disgusting.

You can hate Arbeloa if you choose this is not about him, this is about the situation happening with ISIS, there are many analogies this person could have made that would have worked, given that they’re a Madridista and chose this one about Arbeloa, they were looking for laughs and this is no laughing matter!