no one cares about the shire these days


SO ANYONE who is my friend and has had to deal with me has heard this so bear with me guys I APOLOGIZE.

-Thorin left Ered Luin with no warning, years before the quest. He just up and took off in a fit of “THEY’RE BETTER WITHOUT ME ANYWAY” and the rule went to Dis.

-Everyone assumes he “went mad” like his father and grandfather and died in the wilds somewhere. It’s like this whispered tragedy of the lost line of Durin sort of thing. He didn’t leave any note or anything he just took off in a fit of drama.

-Meanwhile Thorin Assholeshield has started working as a blacksmith in Bree. Close enough to home but also far enough that no dwarves that could easily recognize him will run into him. He’s ended up with a pretty stable set up there and has his own blacksmith shop where he wiles away the time brooding metal into submission and hammering away as if it’ll solve his emotional problems.

-It is here that one day a Hobbiton resident comes to his shop. Thorin’s used to the Bree hobbits so is a little intrigued since the Shire residents tend to be huge friggin snobs (ESPECIALLY about dwarves). But overall he doesn’t care that much. It’s an odd fussy hobbit though who stammered something about this fire grate that his mother got from some dwarves and he heard there was a dwarf in Bree and he figured well that’s be the best fix though he supposes anyone could fix is but JUST DONT MESS IT UP…

-Thorin is trying not to let his eyes roll out of his head at this nervous well to do little thing. Typical hobbits acting terrified of a single dwarf ugh.

-it should be noted. Thorin is shirtless and sweaty. He is lit by the forge fire and has been just staring intensely at Bilbo with his best smouldering scowl.

-Bilbo aint scared. He has just had a sexual awakening in the form of buff, filthy, angry beefcake dwarf. His poor gay hobbit heart just can not handle this.

-So this odd little fussy hobbit keeps coming back to his forge. Thorin doesn’t get it because that is not a short trip. (Bilbo is continually like “goddamn godDAMN”) but over time they start chatting as Thorin works, then bantering. And honestly they’re both thinking these are the best chats either of them have had in YEARS (bilbo since his parents died and Thorin since he left Ered Luin)

-Bilbo starts making and bringing Thorin lunches (“I’ve seen what you consider food and do not even TELL me how old that bread loaf you have is. Now shush and eat your stew.”). Bantering turns into flirting, lunches at the shop turn into dinners at Bag End. They talk about their families

(“They were into politics” Thorin shrugs awkwardly, when he finally, softly tells the tale of Erebor’s fall. He could trust Bilbo. There’s no reason not to tell him anything. But this whole time Bilbo has been liking him for just Thorin, the blacksmith who has no legend and no royal history of grandeur and madness. Thorin could tell him, but finds himself reluctant.)

Bilbo starts asking about Thorin’s travels. He takes in stories of other lands with a wide eyes wonder, sometimes stopping and puttering excitedly around the hole until he finds some book or map about a city or land Thorin mentions. The questions don’t stop, and Bilbo laughs and talks about how he always wanted to travel the world as a child. The smile is still there when his fingers trace over part of the map, but it’s sadder when he says life and expectations got a bit in the way of things.

-It happens months, perhaps even a couple years later. When Thorin wakes up and realizes he has no real obligations. He is free. He can give into a wild glorious whim.

So at the crack of dawn he shows up at Bag End with two packed ponies, a hobbit sized dwarvish sword he made, and a blinding grin. The first words out of his mouth when a groggy Bilbo opens the door are “Do you want to see the Gray Mountains???”

Of course, there are a lot of sputtering protests at first. Protests that grow weaker and weaker as Bilbo starts feeling something foolish and irresponsible start to wake up in the face of those bright eyes and brilliant smile and the promise of a nonsense adventure with this dwarf.

Eventually he gives in and rushes to pack a few things, arguing over necessities though they both can’t stop smiling and laughing the whole time. As they leave, Thorin doesn’t think twice about pausing to kiss Bilbo in the doorway. And Bilbo doesn’t think twice about kissing him back.

(shit gets awkward when theyre married years later and Gandalf shows up)

In Defense of Frodo

We’ve seen a few Tumblr posts by people who don’t like Frodo as a character, which is fine, we respect all opinions. But then someone called him useless and said that Sam could’ve just done everything himself. What! We got super defensive of Frodo and ranted over coffee, so here are all the reasons we came up with that prove why Frodo is the opposite of useless: 

- no one else in the Fellowship could’ve taken the Ring to Mordor

- no one else would’ve agreed to do it for totally unselfish reasons

- he would’ve done it even on his own

- able to speak Elvish

- under hella pressure (the fate of the entire world) and handles it pretty well considering most people can’t even handle the fate of themselves

- had one job to do and did it and was not supposed to do anyone else’s job (you didn’t bring him along to fight/protect people/be a leader, that’s why you had the rest of the Fellowship)

- managed to not get corrupted by the MOST HORRIBLE EVIL-EXTRUDING OBJECT IN THE WORLD he carried that thing across Middle-earth and did not become its fish eating slave

- literally he’s the only reason any of the other hobbits were ever anywhere doing anything because they only came along to be with him (ESPECIALLY Sam)

- the Shire wasn’t saved for him and that’s the most heartbreaking thing ever

- he is a victim who endures and no one else could’ve endured what he did

- most hobbits don’t really care about the larger scope of Middle-earth beyond the Shire and he does from the beginning

- hella empathy for Gollum which is what saves the day in his moment of weakness


- movie version bonus:




Chapter One: Leah

Three things of note happened in the year I was sixteen: Wizard Winterdene came back to live at Winterdene Hall, my father took on Michael Kelly as an apprentice, and old Mother Whittle was hanged for witchcraft. I have hesitated over where to begin my history, but ultimately I think it best to deal with these events in the order in which they occurred, and hence make clear to you, Reader, the path which led to my downfall.

Keep reading

Early Rumors About Bilbo

First off, for those who haven’t read The Unfinished Tales, let’s explain the rumors themselves. Gandalf explains that he was traveling through The Shire when he got the idea of bringing Bilbo along on Thorin’s quest. He got the idea because, when asking for news about Bilbo (who he’d know as a child), he learned “He was already growing a bit queer, they said, and went off for days by himself. He could be seen talking to strangers, even Dwarves.” And Bilbo’s gardner adds:

He’ll go right off one of these days, if he isn’t careful. Why, I asked him where he was going, and when he would be back, and I don’t know he says; and then he looks at me queerly. It depends if I meet any, Holman, he says. It’s the Elves New Year tomorrow!

These rumors where not only what gave Gandalf the idea to bring Bilbo along, but also what convinced him that it would be in any way wise to bring Bilbo along. But when he finally gets a chance to talk to Bilbo, after already summoning Thorin, Gandalf realized: 

Bilbo had changed, of course. At least, he was getting rather greedy and fat, and his old desires had dwindled down to a sort of private dream. Nothing could have been more dismaying than to find it actually in danger of coming true!

So, where the rumors about Bilbo true? Or where they false? Personally, I think the rumors were true in essence, if exaggerated (by the cultural aversion to strangeness and adventures among the Shire hobbits) in ways that Gandalf wasn’t prepared for. One of the central themes of The Hobbit is Bilbo’s conflict between his “Baggins side” and his “Took side” (comfort vs. adventure), and the very existence of a “Took side” convinces me that the rumors were founded on some truth. I do believe that Bilbo went off on “mini adventures” about the Shire, and that he talked to elves or dwarves that travelled through the Shire itself. But that’s a far cry from agreeing to travel outside the Shire - and so very far outside the Shire, not to even mention the dragon.

Basically, I think that Bilbo was quite adventurous (for a hobbit), though he’d “outgrown” some parts of this quality, and balked a bit at the extremes of the quest Gandalf introduced him to.

SOURCES: The Hobbit, The Unfinished Tales (“The Quest of Erebor”)