no offense meant by this

The beginning of Persona 5 

Edit: Since people have been pointing it out despite my tags, yes I know they’re Japanese and yes I fixed it now

how the zodiac signs will die

(This is meant to be funny and by no means offensive)


Aries: from a heart attack because they got too angry and couldn’t calm down anymore


Taurus: their enormous wardrobe falls over and crushes them beneath it


Gemini: forgot to eat, drink and sleep for weeks because they were too caught up in other things


Cancer: gets overwhelmed by their own feelings and jumps off a bridge


Leo: dramatically pretends to die on stage, falls over and breaks their neck (they look so convincing in their role that everyone claps and thinks it’s part of the show)


Virgo: gets strangled by someone they criticized


Libra: heartbreak 💔


Scorpio: their soul gets taken by demons. fights ruthlessly until the end and kills a couple of them, but gets stabbed in the back by someone they trusted


Sagittarius: “hey, let’s go bungee jumping on this mountain that doesn’t look dangerous at all with these old ropes I found in the garbage yesterday”


Capricorn: one day, they just disappear. no one knows if they are actually dead but it’s obvious that they will never come back


Aquarius: dies heroically after leading a successful revolution. they gave their life for a peaceful coexistence of aliens and humans in the universe.


Pisces: Bakes pizza muffins and accidentally replaces the oregano with weed and the salt with crystal meth, eats them all at once and dies from an ovedose

So I am playing a human fighter who is lawful good and my friend is playing a lawful good cleric. Recently we saw the queen of the elf’s about to be killed by an assassin.

Me: *Realizing I could not get there in time* I throw my +5 bane undead greatsword at the attacker.

*Rolls a natural 20*

DM: you impale the attacker to the wall next to the queen. The queen shouts “the gods have granted us a boon!!” And proceeded to grab my greatsword and put it on a pedestal in their temple.

Me: My Queen, I am honored that you give my sword such praise as to place it in the temple, but may I have it back?

Queen: you dare claim that our gift from the gods is truly yours!

Me(ooc): I swear to god I will fucking kill her and her entire race if they don’t give me my sword!

Cleric(ooc): dude your lawful good

Me(ooc):FUCK!!

Me: I meant no offense my lady of course it was a gift from the gods, I was merely testing your faith.

At this point the DM is laughing uncontrollable and I am in the process of slowly banging my head against the table.

anonymous asked:

Heeey. Sorry if I disturb you by something or anything but could you maybe list some good shows? (It's not a must that LGBT couples are included) thanks a lot ❤️❤️💫

Hi, Anon! 

You’re not disturbing!

So I’m the type of person that watches a pretty random variety of shows so I’m not sure what your taste leans toward exactly. 

If you have any suggestions, make a comment or drop me a message with the show and why you like it! And if you want, make a suggestion on how to make this list better!

** Is for shows other people suggest to me. I’ll comment if I’ve heard of it or seen any of it. 

*I’ll try to put if it’s LGBT friendly. And also I want to put down if it’s diverse or not and a note if you suggest a show is diverse…I’m looking for either the main character that is a POC or more than 1-2 minor characters that show up often enough to make a difference to the plot. Don’t tell me a show is diverse if it’s 3 black characters are just window-dressing…👀

Let me see what I can remember and rec those and what I tried and didn’t like. 

  • -Shadowhunters: I love this trash show. It’s actually not all that great but it’s got some absolute gems of characters you end up watching it for anyway. I def recommend but S1 was watched with a ton of skip Clary/Jace scenes for me. This is LGBT friendly and diverse.  
  • -Riverdale: I tried man, I used to read Archie comics when I was younger but um, this show…I think it’s supposed to be ironically pretentious? It just falls flat for me tbh. It’s popular though so you can check a couple of episodes out to see if it’s your thing. There’s an openly gay character in this that should get more story than he does. Also, kind of LGBT baits too at times so not sure if I trust them completely. 
  • -The Expanse: My sci-fi pick. I love this show. It’s gorgeous, diverse, rich story, funny without trying too hard. I just get sucked into every character. It had one older married gay couple that was really minor characters but I don’t recall any current mains that are. But It’s an inclusive show so I don’t think it’s particularly averse to the idea. Based on books I haven’t read yet! 
  • -Veep: This is like a completely meant-to-be-offensive comedy show with the amazing Julia Louis-Dreyfus. While I wasn’t in love with the last 2 seasons, the first 4 are amazing. No clear cut character you root for in particular but it’s so close to politics you can’t help but laugh/cry. Watch it for the absolutely unapologetic legendary burns. Also, has a lesbian couple in it although it’s offensive comedy so prepare for that.
  • -Archer: Also another meant-to-be-offensive show that’s hilarious but so terrible and inappropriate. I don’t usually like that kind of comedy but I binge watched this when I was sick and got hooked. 
  • -Vikings: I love this show. If you like Game of Thrones, you’ll like this one only it’s got less nudity and more idgaf fight scenes. It’s got brilliant characters, beautiful battle scenes, really interesting storylines, and just good snarky humor. Watch it! Also, they’re not shy about same-sex couples even if they don’t explicitly say it. 
  • -Mr. Robot: Really good show, very different and…I actually don’t know how to describe it? The main has mental health issues. It’s a sociopolitical commentary type show. It’s about hacking and network security and corporation conglomerates in control of our everything and the fight against it. Also from @cherryrebel : mr robot has a shit ton of diversity in both race and lgbt, the lead is mixed race but the actor is egyptian, tyrell is bisexual, gideon is gay, angela, elliot and darlene are implied being lgbt+, i think i’m forgetting about someone but watch that show, it’s the shit 
  • -Legion: A superhero show that’s so incredibly NOT like the other superhero shows. You'll find yourself in a serious mind trip thinking you’re the one that’s crazy. But it’s really really good. Go watch. 
  • -Mozart in the Jungle: About a bunch of musicians and a crazy conductor you absolutely love. It’s really good. LGBT friendly! And diverse-ish.
  • -Luther: One of the best crime shows in my opinion. Idris Elba just does things and you will want to watch him do it. Anything he does is beautiful and brilliant. But the show actually IS brilliant and amazing and go watch!! 
  • -This is Us: one of those, where-the-hell-did-you-come-from?? shows. Really heartfelt stories that make you laugh, cry, and go aww a million times. 
  • -Killjoys: Another sci-fi show I love. It’s got diversity and great characters and great action and story. 
  • -True Detective: Crime detective show. It’s great, very gritty and serious but good stories and character-driven. 
  • -Humans: Sci-fi show about android robots that are part of normal life- they look human and are basically live in maids. Only five of these have consciousness. Really good UK show. Diverse AND LGBT friendly!
  • -Broadchurch: Another good UK crime show. Slow and gripping. @iamacolor mentioned a lesbian character in this one too. LGBT friendly.
  • -The Americans: Russian sleeper spies in America that lead normal lives, have American children, and are like totally Russians carrying out secret missions. 
  • -The Get Down: Great show that was recently canceled :( has about 1 season out. I’m not sure how to describe it and do proper justice. It’s lovely though with amazing characters. Also, LGBT friendly and clearly diverse!
  • -Stranger Things: Great show sci-fi mystery thriller type show. 
  • -Dear White People: Black college students from all kinds of backgrounds dropping truth bombs all around and being amazing. Also LGBT friendly. Go watch. It’s a balanced show with amazing characters. So both diverse AND LGBT friendly!
  • -Brooklyn Nine-Nine: an Amazing funny cop show that manages to be winsome, hilarious, endearing, quirky, diverse, balanced, and just amazing all around. V. LGBT friendly. 
  • -Fresh Off the Boat: Asian family comedy show that’s endearing and hilarious. (Also check out Jane the Virgin for crazy telenovela-esque antics that are hilarious and cute). 
  • -Orphan Black: Sci-fi show about clones. A really amazing show, LGBT friendly. Great story AMAZING characters…most of which is played by one woman. Diverse and LGBT friendly.
  • -Preacher: Great show based on the graphic novel…uhh not sure how to describe it but it’s good. Reth Negga is in it!! 
  • Also adding Sense8 for its LGBT and diversity. Good show but I’ve heard something about the directors/producers being racist? Not sure so I’m recommending with caution because the show itself esp s2 where the nonwhite characters got a better fleshed out plot is good. But since I don’t know what the producers/directors have done, I’m giving a heads up for someone else to fill me in.
  • Poldark: I just started this one 2 days ago. 2 episodes in I’m really enjoying it. It’s from PBS’s Masterpiece series. Aiden Turner as a Cornishman is delicious. So far I adore his wife and immensely enjoying yet another period show.  
  • Grantchester: Adding this to the list after I discovered it on my prime account. I’m only one season in and I love Sydney Chambers and his gruff buddy cop Geordie? This isn’t a show that is going to have you sitting on the edge of your seat. It’s totally a procedural type of show. But it’s characters are likeable, it’s story feels comfortable, and honestly, if it’s a shitty day for you and you just want something that’s easy? This is it. @iamacolor  :)

Keep reading

Russian Superstitions

Omens/Protection

  • Knocking on wood is practiced in Russia as in other countries. However Russians tend to add a symbolic three spits over one’s left shoulder (or simply with the head turned to the left), and Russians will often knock three times as well. Traditionally one was spitting on the devil (who is always on the left).
  • Returning home for forgotten things is a bad omen. It is better to leave it behind, but if returning is necessary, one should look in the mirror before leaving the house again. Otherwise the journey will be bad.
  • If one feels that he or she may have been cursed by someone (the evil eye) or just has the feeling of a hostile presence, it is recommended to remove one’s coat and then put it back on starting with the hand opposing the usually used one. It is also recommended to pin a French Pin inside your clothing to avoid the curse of the evil eye in the first place.
  • Birds that land on a windowsill should be chased away. If they tap on the window, or fly into it (open or closed) it is considered a very bad omen (often of death).
  • A woman with empty water buckets coming towards you is considered a bad omen.
  • It is bad luck to use physical hand gestures to demonstrate something negative using oneself or someone else as the object. For example, when describing a scar you saw on someone’s face you should not gesture on your own face or someone else’s. If you must, you can demonstrate in mid-air. If one does it without realising, it can be countered by making a hand motion towards the body part used and then an abrupt motion away (as if to pick up the bad energy and throw it away) or by wiping the area with your hand and then blowing on your hand (as if to wipe off the bad energy and then blow it away).
  • Looking into a broken mirror almost certainly brings bad luck. The superstition says that if you look into a broken mirror, you break your inner world, and your soul becomes defenceless against the dark forces.

Love

  • Never give yellow flowers to your lover, as it implies that an argument will happen and your relationship will end.
  • Lucky in cards not lucky in love. This, however, is only a pre-marital superstition. The reason for the division is that marriage is a sacrament in the Russian Orthodox Church, and this sacrament, ordained by God, eviscerates the pre-marital superstition. Thus, when a man is bonded by divine sacrament to a single woman whom he loves the cause and effect is reversed: namely, his married love for a single woman, and her love for him, will bring him good fortune in all endeavors including cards.
  • During the wedding ceremony, the bride and groom carry candles. Whoever’s candle died first, was the one who would die first.
  • If a woman puts too much salt on the meals this means she is in love.
  • Do not take your wedding ring off to show it to someone else, or worse still to let them try it on. The wedding ring is worn on your fourth finger, which is the one under the influence of the sun, and is a sign of our heart’s true love. If you take it off to show to another, it means you are giving away your love and happiness to a stranger.
  • In Russian superstition if a couple sets a wedding date and doesn’t end up getting married on that date they can not set another date and should not get married as their union will be cursed.

Cause And Effect

  • If your ears or cheeks are hot, someone is thinking or talking about you (usually speaking ill).
  • If your right eye itches, you’re going to be happy soon. If your left eye itches, you’ll be sad.
  • If you have hiccups, someone is remembering you at this moment.
  • If an eyelash falls out you’ll receive a gift. If someone finds an eyelash on someone he or she will sometimes let the person blow it away and make a wish.
  • If a fork or spoon falls on the ground, expect a female guest. If a knife falls, expect a male guest.
  • If someone sneezes while telling something, it means he or she is telling the truth.

Miscellaneous

  • Russians will typically avoid talking about pending successes. They believe that it is bad luck to talk about upcoming success before it actually occurs.
  • Never greet, or say goodbye to someone in a doorway. The threshold divides people, and in traditional Russian folklore, the house spirit resides here, so this superstition says that your greetings and gifts will not bring fortune or good luck.
  • It is best to cut your hair or nails during a full moon.
  • When someone is talking about something very undesirable or bad, the listener should say in Russian “Типун тебе на язык!” (tipun tebe na yazyk), which is generally translated as “Curse that tongue of yours!”. This expression is not meant to be offensive at all but is rather used as a spell for prevention of evil and bad luck.
  • Moving to the new house one must first let a cat go in first to assure harmony in the household.
  • If you sing on an empty stomach, you will chase your money away.
  • Do not pick up coins from the road. The popular belief is that such coins carry negative energy if they were thrown by a bad person and cause sickness.
Bird Squad

Request:

Requests are open? Yay! Could we get one where reader has real feathery wings and her and Sam get into a argument about whose wings are better? Meanwhile Clint is freaking out that the Bird Squad is arguing (him, y/n, and Sam) and the rest of the team gets dragged into the argument.


Sam has created a chatroom: Birds Assemble

Sam has added Y/N, Clint.

Clint: Caw caw?

You: Caw, caw caw?

Sam: Omg guys stop.

Clint: You did name the chat “Birds Assemble.”

You: You have no one else but yourself to blame.

Clint: Why are we assembling?

Sam: I need you to finally decide who has the best wings.

You: Clint doesn’t need to decide because he knows my wings are the best. RIGHT, CLINT?

Clint: Let’s not argue. You both have beautiful wings.

Sam:

Sam: Majestic wings, equally majestic booty.

Clint: Did you have a photoshoot just for your wings?

Sam:

Sam: Here’s Y/N, and her wings. I think this speaks for itself. Spotted next to her is Clint. Too afraid to agree with me.

You: BECKY MEANS WELL, DON’T BRING HER INTO THIS.

You: Your wings are basically a glorified jetpack.

Sam: Excuse me, BECKY?

Sam: JETPACK?

You: IT’S A JETPACK, SAM, WITH RETRACTABLE WINGS.

Clint: C'mon, man, leave Y/N alone. And Y/N, don’t you know you shouldn’t call his wings a jetpack!

You: Yeah, leave my MORE MAJESTIC WINGS ALONE. I won’t listen to HIS LIES.

Sam: Talking LIKE THIS won’t help your DENIAL about MY WINGS.

You: It’s for EMPHASIS. I have ACTUAL wings. With feathers! Not some metal contraption!

Sam: Look at how SLEEK and ELEGANT mine are. One gust of wind and all your feathers are ruffled. Not to mention you’re always dropping a few around the base.

Keep reading

An Extensive Guide on How to Care for Your Junker!

First you must know what species your Junker is!
Is it a Junkeous Rattus? Or is it a Roddicus Sus?
If you said yes to the Junkeous Rattus, please refer to part one of this simple hand guide! If you have a Roddicus Sus, refer to part two! If you plan on trying to mate your Junkeous Rattus and your Roddicus Sus refer to part three of the hand guide!

Part 1: Caring for you and identifying your Junkeous Rattus!
The Junkeous Rattus is the smaller of the two Junkers, much smellier, and much more wild than it’s larger counterpart! It’s eating habits include: bugs, most food types, meats, and sometimes metal! To be sure you Junkeous Rattus is fed well, you must divide the meals up by weeks!
You will learn quickly Junkeous Rattus does like bathing very much, unless it is a dirt bath! To coax your Junkeous Rattus to bathe, we suggest you give it a plush of, or an actual,Roddicus Sus to bathe with! He will be subdued thoroughly!
Be sure to stimulate your Junkeous Rattus! They are smart creatures who can grow pent up if they don’t use there thinking skills, or become physically active on an almost daily basis! You’re Junkeous Rattus needs at least three to fours hours a day of puzzles, running, and other mental an physical exercises!
The Junkeous Rattus is a social creature, so if you plan on getting one we suggest you have other pets to play with! A Lucious Anura, or a D.Ivenus Cuniculus! But, you will find it’s best companion in a Roddicus Sus, and it’s worst in a Zenious Omnicus! Be weary of the Meious Marimatious, these two fight often, and never get along well!

Part 2: Caring for, and Identifying your Roddicus Sus!
The larger, and more pig like, of the Junkers is known as the Roddicus Sus! The Roddicus Sus is much more possessive of it’s objects, but over all much calmer. That doesn’t mean it doesn’t have a mean streak! Roddicus Sus’ are generally quite, spend a lot of time thinking,and they can get grumpy when not treated with the right amount of love and affection! The Roddicus Sus will eat most anything vegetarian, and most meats, but avoid pork at all costs! The Roddicus Sus may go wild if prok is placed on it’s plate!
Roddicus Sus enjoys baths and grooming very much so, and though it may not openly ask for bathing, it will never turn down the chance to be clean! It’s a good bathing companion for a Junkeous Rattus!
Roddicus Sus may be much calmer than it’s smaller counterpart, but it still needs time to be fun, free, and go a little wild! It’s important for a Roddicus Sus to get a little activity in, but watch closely for many of it’s kind have asthmatic issues!
Unlike the Junkeous Rattus, the Roddicus Sus is not quite as social, but will never turn down a friend who proves there worth! Slow to open up, but loyal to the end, the Roddicus Sus will go as far as murder for it’s friends! Don’t be afraid to put it with your Reinicus Hardtious, or your Zaryaious Tigris!

Part 3: Breeding your Junkers!
Though it is possible for the Junkers to mate with other species, they find them selves happiest with other Junkers! Breeding your Junkeous Rattus and Roddicus Sus isn’t to hard! But you must be sure your Junkers are compatible, as not all Junkers get a long well. It is entirely possible to end up with two Junkeous Rattus mating, or two Roddicus Sus, as there are many sub species of both, though this is not as common or as successful as many other breeding pares!
To mate your Junkers, you must first let them bond, over time the two will learn to adjust to each-others personalities! You will find the Junkeous Rattus is very exceptional at reading Roddicus Sus’ mood, be sure to pay attention to how your Junkeous Rattus acts, as it can indicate if your Roddicus Sus is in a good mood for mating!
Once the Junkers are ready, they will mate for life! Though live offspring are rare, you might just get lucky!

  • <p> <b>Others:</b> I only ship Batjokes in the Legoverse.<p/><b>Me:</b> *has just jumped abroad the good ship Batjokes two days ago*<p/><b>Me:</b> *has dozens of tabs now open with fics for Comicsverse, Nolanverse, Arkhamverse, and even a couple for BTAS*<p/><b>Me:</b> *laments that no Batjokes has been written for Telltale’s verse... yet*<p/><b>Me:</b> Go big or go home.<p/></p>

The hiatus is so long it feels like the fandom is just a bunch of siblings crammed into a van in the 18th hour of a road trip and like-

The promo team are the ones with the snacks but we’re at the point where we can’t eat one more Skittle, we need real food or SOMETHING.

The gif makers are the ones pointing out the window and going “cows”

The trailer was the stop at McDonalds where everyone wolfed down a burger and fries and yelled when we didn’t get a McFlurry

The inactive blogs have fallen asleep in the back seat and no one wants to wake them up for fear of being annoying and knowing they need to rest

The Instagram fandom has eaten too many Skittles and you can hear them talking through your headphones even when the volume is all the way up.

The people that treat controversial head canons like canon when they aren’t somehow got the aux chord around hour 14 and it’s been brutal ever since

And every once in a while the people sitting in the middle decide to start a fight for just about no reason

The Stranger Things Twitter admins keep trying to get people to play the Alphabet Game and we’re NOT HAVIN IT

The fanfic authors brought their own snacks and THANK GOODNESS they are sharing

The people that like to hate on the cast members were by the ac unit and for no reason at all turned it up to 80 degrees

The Ched shippers farted and now the entire van smells awful

But guess what?  It’s a big fandom and people are going to be annoying but at the end of the day, the second season is only (in the car analogy) a few hours away and all the times when we’re asking “are we there yet?” and the duffer brothers responded with “we’ll get there when we get there!!” are going to be worth it because soon we will get there and we’re all going to remember why we got in this van to begin with.

  • tyler: hey my best friend josh dun is really awesome and talented
  • josh: aw shucks well my best friend tyler joseph is even MORE awesome and talented
  • tyler:
  • josh:
  • tyler: tru
  • tyler: that's probably why i'm lead singer

thelxcaldreamer  asked:

Hey, so I've got a comment for the whole "black Hermione" conversation. I'm totally down for headcanon/opinion/whatever, so no offense meant, but it occurred to me that if this was reversed people would have a different reaction. Like, if a character everyone knew to be black was reimagined as white in the interest of increasing diversity. I'm kinda playing devils advocate with this, but what do you think? Would people still think it's an okay thing to do? My guess is no, but what do you think?

see here’s the thing

something like 95% of all characters in popular movies, books, tv shows, videogames, comicbooks, etc etc etc… are white. there is no way there could be a “reimagining of a black character as white in the interest of increasing diversity”. in the current state of the world, that’s actually impossible.

also, reimagining a person of colour as white in fiction happens all the time, and most of the general public doesn’t give a single shit about it. for example, katniss everdeen (portrayed by jennifer lawrence in the movies) was specifically described as non-white. tilda swinton, a white actress, played the ancient one in doctor strange, despite that the character is decidedly non-white in the comicbooks! ghost in the shell. prince of persia. stonewall. pretty much any hollywood movie base on an anime!

furthermore, hermione granger being perceived as black isn’t a “reimagining”. JK Rowling herself has said that hermione can 100% be read as black. this isn’t people taking a white character and changing her race - hermione does not have a canon race. fuck, if anything, she’s canonically black because the cursed child is a direct sequel to the last Harry Potter book, whilst the movies are mere adaptations.

even if hermione was originally white in the books, are we (white people) really losing anything by her being “““reimagined”“” as black? we already have almost every other fictional character, why can’t black people have a few of ours?

Ship-ping/ get off my ship
  • Me: *see's someone has gone overboard and helps them aboard*
  • Person: Thank you, I was on another ship and found some content I hated.
  • Me: Well I hope your not scared. Anyway welcome to our ship! Everyones pretty nice here and would be happy to show you around.
  • Person: *Looks around and see's *enter ship/OTP* and looks disgusted.* WHAT THE HELL IS THIS.....(Says angry and hateful stuff about how our ship is wrong and gross.)
  • Me: *Stares at the hater for a long time and calmly says*
  • Get off my ship.