Some people have abysmal dating luck, but me, I’ve got abysmal RP luck. I’ve searched high and low for a good RP partner and, man, I’ve seen some things.
People whose character is actually a real celebrity, but with certain details subtly changed. You’ve either got a dude from some obscure one-man grunge band, except he’s also a fire-manipulating demon with six wings and a dead wife, or its exactly Jon Bon Jovi but, like, as a genetically enhanced wolf-human? That’s the only difference.
People who share most of your interests and seem like an open, fun to talk to person– wait, no, they’re racist.
“I support The LGBT but I’m also uncomfortable with it/I don’t know how to write… *exaggerated whisper* the gays”
Straight girls who “love mxm” but will “only play the submissive/feminine role”.
The same people usually refuse to do fxf relationships “because I’m a girl and it’s weird”.
Some dude who just wants to RP smut? He’s got a thinly stretched plot that he’s trying really hard to maintain just to cover up the fact that all he wants to write about is two people bumping uglies. All his characters are obvious self-inserts.
Abuse for the sake of a tragic backstory. Often paired up with a ‘damaged’ character [aka An Edgy Ableist’s Take On Mental Health].
Katanas where they absolutely do not belong.
They reply to you a total of one  time and then drop off the face of the earth without so much as an ‘excuse me’. They’re logged in again some time later and posting in other threads. You never get a reply back.
The entirety of their search bio matches up to your preferences, but all they want to RP at this time are ponies.
Gothic lolita fashion in a 1680 pirate setting.
You gotta bring out the magnifying glass if you want to read any of their posts because they downsize the font so much that it’s practically microscopic.
“I can’t RP with a character I’m not attracted to, so could you please make your character look like these pictures I’ve provided.”
I wanted to make some photos with all the Xmas decorations, it’s always so pretty <3 <3 I’m just sad we couldn’t make more, but the glasses gave me a headache. Viktor : @miyukanotabi (kasen) And thanks to Saria for the photos!
I follow the nurse inside the busy hospital. My headache makes me ten times more sensitive, and the noise of her flat shoes feels like stabs in the head. She leads me to an examining room, and lets me sit on the examining table.
“Mr Tuan will see you in a minute.” She says and smiles to me, before closing the door. Mr Tuan? Mark Tuan? Horror an apprehension swell at my heart. It can’t be him, I thought he worked at the St Gretna hospital. Holy shit, I have to get out of here. The door opens and I have to refrain a gasp.
“Hell- Y/N?” Holy cow, Mark is standing in front of me white blouse and stethoscope hanging around his neck, tall and dark haired, better than I remember. “Mark.” I sigh. “You’re back in town?” He asks as he closes the door behind him, his brows furrowed, the confusion clear on his face.
“No, it’s an hologram.” I reply sarcastically and he smacks his tongue and rolls his eyes at me.
“How was that trip?” He asks in a sigh. He refers to the fact that I had moved to South Africa. He considers it as a trip because I’m back, but I didn’t choose to come back.
“It wasn’t a trip.” I’m exasperated. “Why are you back?” He asks, walking to the end of the examining table, where my medical record is. “I was homesick.” I say. “Homesick?” He repeats with a smirk. That mother fu-
“Don’t think a second I came back for you, Mark. My doctor prescribed exams for me, I don’t have a choice.” I argue back, starting to boil with frustration. This man is only fueling my headache. “It’s true that you don’t look good, I hope you didn’t come back with some Ebola shit or something.” He picks up my medical record and swipes through it. He lets out a professional frown as he reads.
“Headaches and vomiting,” He reads. “Must not be that serious. Your doctor us asking for an MRI, blood tests and X-rays, I think it’s a little bit too much.” He looks up at me once he’s finished talking and I’m outraged by his detachment and his lack of worry.
“It’s been 6 months.” I say and he frowns.“I’m not asking for comments, do those exams and find what’s wrong with me.” I growl through gritted teeth, and I think my tone makes him mad, he purses his lips.
“It’s good to see you again.” He mumbles sarcastically, his annoyance painted over his face as his eyes throw missiles at me. He leaves, and as if it was a liberating action, I fall onto the examining table. What did it have to happen to me? My ex boyfriend following my medical record.
After a trying series of exams, I’m back into the examining room. I’m exhausted, I didn’t eat, and I’ve had this long lasting headache the whole afternoon. Mark opens the door.“Your exams are done, you can go.” He says without stepping in, holding the door open for me. Thank god! I pick up my stuffs and step out of the room. Mark walks behind me as I head out. “Why are you following me?” I briefly turn to him.
“I’m taking you to your car.” He says and know he’s walking next to me.“I don’t have a car.” I reply as we step out if the glass doors, it’s dark now.“You sell that junker?” He snorts. That ‘junker’, like he says, was a Beetle, a jewel, a work of art. I remain silent. “I’m done working for today, do you want to grab something to eat? I just have to pack my stuff.” He says and and stop in my tracks. What the actual fuck? I turn to face him.
“You want me back?” I ask, and give him a chance to get the fuck out of my life again. His eyes soften a little as he sighs, and he give me a sympathetic look.“I’m worried about you.” He mumbles quietly almost as if he didn’t want me to hear him. My scalp prickles.
“Why? What did my exams say?” I ask. “No, it’s not that. I’ll call you when your results come. You just look different.” He says, and I’m a little relieved. “I’m okay.” I say before walking off again, and Mark follows me. “Can I at least take you home?” He asks.
“Why?” He asks. Is he serious? “Why?” I repeat, incredulously, turning around once more. Why? Because you can’t grab something to eat with your ex, because you can’t take you ex home, because you can’t talk to your ex, here’s why. “Mark, do you want to start all over again?” I ask, and he shrugs. “I just want to talk.” He murmurs.
My headache has completely faded away, and I don’t know if its because of Mark or because of the shots of Vodka, but I sure like it. Mark hasn’t changed in two years, which is kind of fortunate, and comforting. It must be ten pm now, or later. I stagger out of the bar Mark took me to, the air is cool, and I feel good.
“Come, I’m taking you home.” Mark says, taking my hand and pulling me to his Audi.“No.” I giggle incoherently. “Y/N, you’re drunk. I’m not letting you walk alone.” He laughs, leaning against his car. He shakes his head, his eyes softened with affection. “You’re smart, Mark. Getting me drunk so you can get what you want.” I press my body against his.
“And what do I want?” He seems truly amused.“Me.” I run my hands up his torso, and it’s like a homerun. His body is as firm as before, his muscles as defined as in my deepest memories.“You?” His hands come down to my waist as he gives me a flirtatious smirk.
“Naked.” I tease, feeling him up some more, and his hands slide down my body to cup my backside, pulling me closer.
“Naked.” He repeats and his lips come down to mine in a kiss that sends sparks throughout my body. Mark deepens the kiss, and his tongue invades my mouth, and I’m at his mercy, and it’s electrifying, the thrill of meeting the familiar for the first time, the sweet taste of homecoming intoxicating me.
My hands move from his torso to his hair, and he he accelerate the rhythm of his lips, more aggressive, more rushed, more rough, and it’s not feeding my carvings, it’s fueling my desire, I want him. He groans into my mouth, a short, low groan, the vocal expression of his carnal desire for me, it vibrates throughout my whole body, and I moan.
When he pulls away, I’m breathless, and he looks like he’s ran a marathon. He holds my face between his hands and gazes down at me with a smug look. “I knew you wanted me.” I breathe, cracking up a smug smile. “You started feeling me up.” He smirks and I but my lip flirtatiously. “Climb in.” He says before opening the passenger door of his car, and I obey. He walks around the car and sits down at the wheel.
“Where do you live now?” He asks, closing his door. I think of my new apartment, and I try to find parade. “Why don’t we go to your place?” I lean in a pepper kisses along his jaw line, my hand running up and down his thigh, and he shudders under my touch.“We could do it on the backseat.” He turns his head and kisses me. What is bothering him? I know his place, I used to live there, why doesn’t he want me to come? I pull away instantly.
“You have a girlfriend.” I state-ask, and he snorts. “No. I don’t have a girlfriend.” He shakes his head, bemused. “Then what’s your problem?” I frown.“What’s yours?” He replies. “You’re completely ruining the moment.” The rush of lust and desire in my body starts to fade away. Now I’m sober again, and I don’t want this anymore. I’m tired, I want to go home. I sink into my seat and reach for my seatbelt. “Let’s just forget about this. I’m tired. I live in Carterwood.”
Mark parks in front of the building I live in and leans towards the wheel to get a better view of the facade. “You live there?” At first, his face shows he’s truly confused, his eyebrows are knotted together. “Y/N, what happened to you?” His brows part as he lets out a mocking smirk that has an unexpected effect on me. I storm out of the car.
“Y/N, wait!” Mark calls as I slam the passenger door closed before leaping out of his car.
“I’m sorry!” He says as I pace towards the front door. He catches up with me and grabs my arm, stopping me in my tracks. “I’m sorry, okay?” His tone is pleading, I yank my arm away from him, and as I turn, we both realize I’m crying.
“It’s been 6 months I don’t sleep anymore, I’m afraid to eat because I hate throwing up, I faint, I can’t even lift a grocery bag anymore since I have the strength of a newborn, I lost my job, my apartment, I don’t need your stupid comments, Mark. Thank you for the ride, now leave me alone.” I tell him all the things I’ve been keeping inside of me, but that I’ve been secretly dying to yell out ever since I saw him again, but I don’t expect his sympathy, I want him to shut the hell up and stop with his low sarcasm.
And when I’m done talking, pain starts to radiate in my head, and everything becomes blurry, the sounds, my vision, it hurts.“Why didn’t you tell me?” Mark asks as I turn away from him. Well, that’s what I think he says, my ears feel stuffed. Then I start to feel dizzy, and I miss a stair and sink into the floor. Ah, headache. “Y/N.” I feel Mark’s hands on me as I painfully get up. He helps me up and like magic my headache is gone, but then my stomach twists, and I vomit spectacularly on the floor.
“Shit!” Mark swears and pulls my hair behind my face as I force the meal he offered me out of my body, and then I’m afraid to get back up and meet his eyes. I force myself up and wipe my mouth though I didn’t get any shit on my lips. “Come, let’s go up.” Mark urges me inside my building, and I’m too weak to push him away, I have to admit that I need his help.
“Do you want to lie down?” Marks asks as I pace towards my oh small fridge and get some water. In the stairs the aftereffects of my seizure started to fade away, and now I’m just a little dizzy. “No. No, I’m fine.” I say before gulping down my holy water, puffing my cheeks and washing my mouth.
Now Mark has seen the slum I live in, and it’s really embarrassing. He’s the last person I want to see here, and now I can’t dare turn around to face him, I cling to the sink in my kitchenette, and I know he’s right behind me. “Listen, I’m sorry for today. I didn’t know.” I feel his hands on me, and weirdly, I feel instantly better, good even. I’m still drunk.
“It’s okay, you can leave now. Thank you for the ride, it was kind of you.” I finally turn to face him and before I know it, the corners of my mouth curl up in what I think is a smile. “You’re okay?” His eyes are still worried, but he seems more relaxed. I nod.
A brief light flashes in his eyes, and he smirks down at me.
“I still didn’t get what I wanted though.” He says, and I seem to be really drunk because I really don’t understand. “What?” I frown. He takes a step closer to me, and his eyes darken with a carnal attempt.
“You. Naked. Remember?” I stop breathing. His words bring me back to the moment we left hanging in front of his car, and I start to heat up.“I just threw up.” I stutter as he stands inches away from me, and something radiates from him, something that takes my breath away. “And you washed your mouth.” He says and something unexpected happens to me, I flush. “I thought you wouldn’t want this anymore after-”
“Shut up.” It’s almost a growl. He takes my head between his hands and slams his mouth on mine, and he kisses me, hard.
Mark and I lay on my bed, clothes strewn all over the place, enjoying the night’s silence as we both come down from our states of ecstasy, I rub circles between his pecs and watch the slow rise and fall of his chest as he breathes next to me “You were afraid I would run away?” He takes my hand and lift it from his chest, and then he starts playing with my fingers, caressing them gently.
“I guess.” I reply, and his chest flexes itself.“Why are you smiling?” I frown.“You still care about me.” I can sense his smirk. I flush. It’s true, I still care about him. I shouldn’t, but I do.
“Stop blushing, baby. I still care about you too.” He kisses my knuckles and I smile. “How do you pay your rent?” He asks after a brief moment of silence.
“I don’t, it’s been 2 months.”
“All because of those headaches?” I nod weakly. “I promise I’ll find what’s wrong with you, and I’ll heal you.” He kisses my hair and I close my eyes. My life would be so much better without those headaches and vomiting, I imagine a former more peaceful life in South Africa.
Something starts to vibrate and Mark moves beneath me, reaching for his pants on the floor right next to the bed. Mark lets me go and swings his legs over the edge if the bed as the vibration stops, and I guess it was just a text.“Who’s harassing you?” I sit up and kiss his shoulder, remembering his phone vibrated a lot while we were busy. Mark doesn’t reply.
“I hope they’re not patients you’re letting die because of me.” I kneel on mattress and stroke his shoulder sweetly as he turns his head towards me.
“I’d have no qualm.” He gives me a wicked smile and kisses me, and I smile. Suddenly, the bell rings. Who could it be?
“Don’t move.” I kiss his cheek and rill out of bed.
As I walk to the door I pick up Mark’s shirt in the corridor and cover my nakedness. I peek through the hole of the door and a tall, sophisticated young woman is waiting on the other side. She as long, wavy dark hair, she’s wearing a black blazer with a yellow top, and I can’t see her lower body but she sure knows how to dress herself. Who the fuck is she? I open the door, forgetting my outrageous attire.
“Good evening?” I say, and the girls eyes widen in horror. She refrains a gasp, but her mouth remains wide open.“Where is Mark?” She growls at me and I flinch. “Mark?” I arch my brow, why is she looking for Mark? “Where is my boyfriend, you whore?” She takes a step closer to me. Oh no you didn’t.
“Irene?” Mark appears behind me, in his undershirt and pants. “You told me you didn’t have a girlfriend.” I say to him. “You asshole.” Irene speaks at the same time. “I know, I’m sorry.” He says, to me. “You lied to me, Mark!” I’m boiling with anger. “I didn’t want you to freak out.” He says. “That’s not a reason!” I reply. “You’re unbelievable! I can’t believe you cheated on me, with this,-” Irene waves his hands towards me in disgust.
“Fuck you!” I spit back. “Hey! You don’t have the right to insult her.” Mark butts in and speaks to Irene. “I can’t believe you defending her!” She stomps her foot. “How did you even find me?” Mark asks. “Your phone!” She says. She tracked him? “Are you crazy?!” He asks. She’s a psychopath. “Me? Crazy? Look who you’re sleeping with.” She says. I’ve been nice with her she’s the beginning, now she’s really crossing the line, my inner bitch cracks her neck.
“You better shut that big mouth of yours before I lose it because insulting me won’t change the fact that HE consented to sleep with me.” Irene remains speechless after my outburst. My inner bitch back flips to her bed. Mark is the first one to break the silence.“I’m sorry, Irene.” He mumbles, and her shocked eyes move from to Mark, but again, she is speechless. Marj turns to me.
“Baby, look, I’m sorry I-”
“Don’t baby me!” I spit back.
“You’re babying her in front if me? Mark do you even have a little bit of scruple?” Irene says, and it’s almost a sob. Mark smacks his tongue. “Listen Irene, she is my ex-” “Your ex?!” Tears pool at her eyes, and I start to feel bad. None of us two asked to be in this situation.
Her anger let place to pain, and my heart sinks a little. As bitchy as she is, she’s brokenhearted. “No, I mean my my current- well, still ex but-” “I’m your ex, Mark, forever.” I cut him off and leave the scene, looking for some privacy to take his shirt off. “Y/N, no.” Mark follows me in my bedroom. “Y/N, if you didn’t notice, I was breaking up with her in front of you.” He says as I take his shirt off. I look inside my wardrobe and take out an oversized sweatshirt and shorts that I quickly throw on.
“Leave.” I throw his shirt at his face and he catches it. “Y/N, I’m choosing you.” He follows me out of my bedroom. “That’s the thing, I don’t want to be an option.” I pick up his shoes. “You’re choosing me as if you had to chose between two cool toys,” I grab his jacket. “ you’re objectifying me, it’s humiliating.” I snatch his car keys in the kitchenette.
“Get out of my apartment.” I give him his stuff. “Y/N.” He pleads as I walk him to the door, Irene has left, an I don’t want to imagine her pain. “Please, Y/N, don’t do this. I’m really sorry.” Mark pleads again, as I throw him out of my apartment, barely dressed. As an answer, I slam the door closed
i want to be love drunk, stumbling up the stairs to see you and holding your hand like it is thunder. i want to be lightning right before you speak. i want to stay up all night and then wake up early because my head hurts and i want you to make it better, i want you to kiss it just right. you always do. i want to do stupid things and blame it on the liquor, like leave the door unlocked and the back gate open just a crack and my bedroom light on. i want it so bad.
hangovers have never been more than a slight headache to me, i don’t throw up easy. i keep it in my throat. but sleeping in on sundays next to you doesn’t sound too bad, even if it comes with a migraine. don’t let me drink alone. take shots with me until we forget where the backyard is. reach behind your passenger seat and take my hand so i know it’s not just me. we will never be sober, we will be love drunk till we throw it all up.