no matter what someone will get hurt

a reminder

that theres nothing “neurotypical” about saying that “your mental illnesses are no excuse to be toxic and to abuse/manipulate your friends/partners”

and yes, this applies no matter your circumstances lmao you dont get a free out of jail card because your unhealthy behavior is caused by symptoms - if someone tells you that your behavior is hurting them or you YOURSELF realize that your relationships arent healthy on your part, its on YOU to

1) communicate with the other person to try to work around it, so that you can see whether your needs are compatible with what theyre capable of giving you in terms of friendship/partnership.
sometimes needs are incompatible, and sometimes relationships dont work out despite mutual (platonic or romantic) affection because there are too many factors that make the relationship more harmful than beneficial - even if its harmful only to one party.

in a relationship, it’s the responsibility of both people to make sure that there is enough communication and safety for people to establish boundaries and voice their needs so that theyre heard. voicing needs doesnt mean that they HAVE to fulfill them even at the cost of their own wellbeing; it means compromising and discussing what can be done so that the relationship isnt draining for either party.

2) apologize for hurting them, take accountability and look into resources to change your behavioral patterns (if it’s a persisting thing). google is your friend. talk with a school counselor/therapist/etc if you have one available for you.
go to a library, see if theres any books on mental health and relationships that might help you out. there ARE resources for mentally ill people and for people who need help at unlearning toxic behaviors caused by trauma or other similar factors. Use them.

trying to opt out of responsibility because your shitty behavioral patterns are caused by trauma/mental illness is you excusing your toxic and/or abusive behavior and at the least makes you an abuse apologist.
it should be obvious why that’s not something the ND tumblr should encourage.

we need to be better and STOP protecting abusers and excusing abusive/toxic behavior under the guise of “mental health positivity/acceptance”

It’s been 100 days since you kissed her,
And that doesn’t matter anymore or maybe the fact that I’m still counting means that it still matters all too much

I guess what I’m trying to say is that it doesn’t hurt like a knife anymore. I can see you without wanting to run as fast as I can (I still haven’t decided whether I wanted to run to you or away from you)

Somewhere during these 100 days my body got tired of being sad over someone who doesn’t deserve my tears, who never deserved me in the first place. So maybe it does still matter, but it doesn’t hurt as much and I guess that means I’m getting somewhere

What I’ve learned about love

1. Just like roses come in colours other than red, love comes in forms other than romantic.

2. The more you define love, the lesser you know about it.

3. Unrequited love is isn’t whole and something incomplete isn’t love.

4. Love is passion but love is not destruction.
Love never destroys - the lack of it does.

5. People love differently but no matter how they express themselves, if they love you, they will find a way to make sure you know it as well as you know your favourite poem.

6. If being in love is hurting you more than its making you happy, chances are, it’s probably not love.

7. Love isn’t what two people share on social media but rather what they don’t share on social media.

8. Love isn’t blind and love isn’t stupid. Love has the most beautiful eyes and love is wise. Don’t let ‘love’ be an excuse for someone’s unacceptable behaviour.

9. Love is like glitter. No matter how much you try, glitter is hard to completely get rid of. Love leaves but it always leaves behind a part of it. If you’ve loved someone truly, a part of you will always love them irrespective of what year it is or how things ended. And that’s not pathetic and that’s not sad.

10. Love is strong and pure. Love didn’t make you weak or bitter - people you are unlucky to know and feel what love is made you that way.

—  creatingnikki 
Zodiac Signs in general

(Check your sun sign [DOB] and/or ascendant/rising sign)

Aries: Very chill, impulsive in decision making, dislikes restrictions; whether in personal space, relationships/friendships, loves tomatoes and anything spicy, enjoys eating and being free, their vocal range is powerful, medium to large sized lips.

Taurus: Not agressive but forceful, has good taste in outfit picking and food dishes and everything else in aesthetic, dislikes people without common sense, loves material possesions, loves gifts, very nice voice or distinct tone of voice, does not learn at the pace of others, prefers their own rhythm of doing things, vocal range is second highest to that of Virgo, sensual lips and throat is prominent

Gemini: likes sparkly things, very vocal, can burn your ass with their word phrasing, likes to talk for hours, enjoys reading books, magazines and anything informative, likes to work or do something with their hands, needs mental stimulation instead of physical stimulation, adapts easily to immediate environment, hates being pinned down, has an instinct to detect bullshit, can easily deceive making it real, their vocal range is scattered, uncontrolled vibrato, hands/arms are prominent

Cancer: very sensitive people, likes to cook, they consider themselves chefs, LOVES music, full-round faces, talks about emotions, most likely to cry during sad or touching movie trailers, home is their secure base, attached or close to mother and women figures, soft but firm vocal range, chest is a prominent feature

Leo: Confident, leader in anything, hair and eyebrow are their prominent features, may have ‘Lion’ characteristics, very theatrical, loves to be praised and be the center of attention, other people are their ‘servants’, stands out immediately, strong vocal range

Virgo: very musical, loves analytical things, detail-oriented, very high vocal range, strives for perfection, fussy at home regarding cleaning, detective stuff is interesting, clean image, stomach is noticeable as their feature

Libra: wants to get along with others, since Libra and Taurus are both ruled by Venus, Libra too has a pleasing aesthetic, attractive, gives beauty to anything it touches, you can’t hate this sign no matter what they do ‘cause they do it well, anything fits this sign, dresses well, sexy but not vulgar, very artistic, likes fashion, makeup, needs a partner or wants to be with someone committed, face looks pleasing

Scorpio: magnetic personality, you hurt a scorpio and hell breaks loose and you get stung, powerful and demanding voice, prefers dark shades of color, sex is their thing, very passionate, demands the same attention it gives, penetrating stare, motherfucking sexy as f’, smells bullshit from a mile away, their sexual organs are a prominent feature

Sagittarius: ‘foot-in-the-mouth-disease, blunt, says things like they are, very nice legs or well-formed legs, likes to be physically and mentally stimulated to be happy, prominent smile, walks like a horse (or their walk is like a ‘trot’), red/orange, purple and other warm color hues are their thing, loves music, straightforward, very direct voice.

Capricorn - disciplined, endures good and bad shit, likes to stand out in public, fame is what they strive for, most likely to be in the public eye, there’s always something recognizable about the sign, thin appearance, the elderly are important to them, success is always sure for them, executive look, chiseled chins and knows what’s up, shins and knees are what they deal with the most

Aquarius: very fucking original, a feature always stands out, eccentric, electric, very strong personality, visionary, sets trends in anything you can think of, musical prodigy, technology is their thing, needs mental stimulation, intellectual, calf (leg) are their noticeable body part

Pisces: a very sensitive snowflake, is liked by everyone, green/blue colors fit them, ‘mermaid’ look, breathes music, any look fits them due to their ability to fit like water in a cup, extremely musical, possesses all the qualities from the rest of the zodiac signs since it’s the last sign, silky hair, well-shaped feet, big eyes

“but is it still abuse if the abuser doesn’t seem to realize he’s doing it?”

YES IT IS.
Abuse is defined by the pain and trauma victims go thru, your suffering and fear don’t go down one bit because “abuser may not be aware of what they’re doing”, actually, it goes up! Being tortured by someone who doesn’t care enough to even freaking realize they’re damaging you is much more dehumanizing and emotionally taxing than at least knowing the abuser’s intention clearly and that they’re achieving exactly what they want to achieve. Being lost about abuser’s intentions adds on to the trauma!

It doesn’t matter if they meant to do it or not (in most cases they absolutely meant it or didn’t actually give a shit if they’re hurting you or not as long as they get what they want). Staying safe from this person is important. Stopping the abuse and preventing any future abuse is important. Healing is important. Label the abuser with whatever you need that helps you to heal. Forget abuser’s side of the story and focus on yours. What they agree or disagree, what they’re aware or aren’t aware isn’t nearly as important as stopping that person from harming you, and preventing them from hurting you ever again.

So often we try to make other people feel better by minimizing their pain, by telling them that it will get better (which it will) or that there are worse things in the world (which there are). But that’s not what I actually needed. What I actually needed was for someone to tell me that it hurt because it mattered.
I have found this very useful to think about over the years, and I find that it is a lot easier and more bearable to be sad when you aren’t constantly berating yourself for being sad.
—  John Green
Zodiac Signs in general

Aries: Very chill, impulsive in decision making, dislikes restrictions; whether in personal space, relationships/friendships, loves tomatoes and anything spicy, enjoys eating and being free, their vocal range is powerful, medium to large sized lips.

Taurus: Not agressive but forceful, has good taste in outfit picking and food dishes and everything else in aesthetic, dislikes people without common sense, loves material possesions, loves gifts, very nice voice or distinct tone of voice, does not learn at the pace of others, prefers their own rhythm of doing things, vocal range is second highest to that of Virgo, sensual lips and throat is prominent

Keep reading

Hey, so

if you have been abusive to someone….

  • even if you don’t mean to be abusive
  • or even if your abusive behaviour is you reacting really badly to mental illness or old traumas
  • even if you’re making an honest and sincere effort to not be abusive anymore and not engage in controlling behaviours

if someone does not want to be around you they have the right to leave

nobody owes you extra chances, nobody owes you a nice sit down where you just explain, nobody owes you forgiveness or understanding or patience or the opportunity to hurt them again just so you can prove you won’t take advantage of that opportunity, this time

if you try to guilt or coax or bully them into staying, no matter how sad you are or how sure you are you can stop hurting them – you’re just doing the same damn thing all over again.

if you are truly committed to not being an abuser anymore, you have to do it specifically to stop being an abuser at all, not as a way to get someone to stay when they don’t want to.

you have to actually follow through with that commitment, and let people make decisions you don’t like without trying to punish, manipulate, or intimidate them into doing what you want.

2

DO NOT THROW ANYTHING ON AN IDOL!!
It doesn’t matter if it’s just a stuffed animal, a banner or anything else. Do not throw anything on them. It’s understandable that you want them to find and play with your stuff but don’t aim at them. Throw them on stage when no one is around.
Chanyeol might have brushed it off today and acted all cute, but you don’t know what might happen in the future. Someone might get hurt so please stop aiming the idols/ throwing stuff on stage.

T.O.P's life matters

Praying that TOP wakes up soon.🙏🏻praying that he gets well soon.


Now on to my post about this whole situation. People can you stop being Rude and saying hurtful things towards this human being. What’s with all the hate. And all the jokes!? How is it funny to make fun of someone who’s life is at stake??? Do you even have a heart??? No matter what your view is on a person never… Never make fun of them when their life might be lost or when they are at their lowest point. For all of those making those cruel jokes. You are heartless.
Another point.. all of those bringing their own bias into this situation and saying things like “oh I’m glad it wasn’t this person.” Or “this could’ve happened to this person.”
No. Just Don’t. This is not the time for that crap either. Don’t be bringing other people into this situation cause you know what they’re two different people! Everyone is different! Don’t compare. You don’t do that. Especially in situations like this.

Can’t everyone in K-Pop just stop the hate. Over fandoms and idols. Come together and be proud of the music that you listen to. The same way we come together when a group needs us for international promo.

Come together and pray for this person that needs our help. Have a heart.
I support TOP 100% and will stand by him.

What We Seem to Forget About the Signs
  • Aries: they're really fragile internally, and you really need to handle with care
  • Taurus: they're actually really good at reading people and are very smart, but they keep it in most of the time
  • Gemini: they support you no matter what you do, no matter how many times you change what you want to do, like your own personal cheerleader
  • Cancer: no matter how many times you hurt them, they stick around because they get it and they think they can help you and YOU DON'T DESERVE THEM
  • Leo: they're the type of people to put things back where they belong in the grocery store because they don't want to inconvenience someone
  • Virgo: they're very creative and make some of the best storytellers, and they're definitely not as rigid as people make them out to be
  • Libra: for an air sign, they're also extremely loyal, especially to the people they really care about
  • Scorpio: they just want to have fun and live in a romantic comedy and have a happily ever after but instead the world is a horror movie and it's safer for them to be tough and reserved and suspicious
  • Sagittarius: we seem to forget that you can't mess with them, because their minds are brutally honest and they're a scarily perceptive judge of character
  • Capricorn: they should be dubbed the sexual ones, more so than scorpio, because they're the ones more likely to search for intimacy without an emotional connection
  • Aquarius: they try really hard, all the time, in whatever they do, and they rarely get credit for it; their whole personality is just them trying really hard to hide who they are
  • Pisces: a lot meaner than they're made out to be; not that they're mean in general, but they're meaner than the sweet angels we sometimes see them as

Linkin Park, was a band that has had a huge impact on me and many others. Chester was a very talented and young artist, and it really hurts me that he wasn’t able to get the help he needed, and committed suicide.

It’s beyond heartbreaking and it’s really hitting me.

If any of you, are currently battling depression, please, please, please, seek help. I can’t stand to see people go in such a way like that.

It just goes to show, you never know what someone is truly going through, because no matter how happy they seem, or how creative and successful they are, you never know what’s going on with them.

I’m sorry for the long sad post, it’s just that Linkin Park has always been a band I really loved, and I hate saying goodbye to someone in a way like this.

17.01.29  fancafe - bts_Rap Monster

23:43
thoughts

are you guys having a happy holiday?

Nowadays, I’ve been thinking to what extent can thoughts run away. although it’s together with me the whole time, though my dreams are coming true, it brings me down too. I thought growing older was a process where you know more of when to let go of this friend but it’s still hard to control my mind and thoughts

I heard someone say that. To say “oo hurt me” is matter of fact an illusion. Whatever happens to me, I’ll decide whether how much damage is inflicted by it, whether I acknowledge the pain or not, whether or not I’m going to fall apart. I really think I know but I still don’t get it. Not everyone can know my heart. What about you guys, how does it touch you?

worrying about how to live. I believed that if you what you love, and accomplish things, you could see what’s next but I still don’t have an answer. maybe forever. each person would write their own book of their own ways right? how to live? how to be happy? If you read the books, very good people have firmly put down their own definition. It’s not just me with an idle repulsion. right? maybe because it’s their own books.

I didn’t want to be a twisted person but.
A few days ago, a taxi driver with a cool voice recommended me a book, he said “if you read this book you will know the reason as to why we read classic books of geniuses such as Edison, Einstein, Leonardo Da Vinci. People like me or young men like you are not geniuses. But if you read those books and feel a little, the wisdom of those geniuses will fall and settle into our minds like dew drops. Then it could become a big help in your life..” I nodded my head without realizing. That was a kind of rebellion. But because many phrases from books have come to my salvation, I had no choice but to agree.

Anyway…I think this has become to long. I couldn’t go to the studio over the past few weeks. we all need our own hiding place. I hope you guys too can get rid of your thoughts with no such answers, whether by replying to this post, through music like me, or by making your own posts, doing whatever work you do, or resting on your holiday break. I hope to spend this year a litter nicer. nevertheless. let’s smile more. your own burdens are the heaviest but lets share them with each other sometimes. Please have a happy new year.

(–)(__)(–)
heart’s new year bow

- RM

trans; @hobuing | do not repost or crop credit

50 Things To Remember In Life

Dear Friend,

There are 365 days in a year
And you and I both know from many unfortunate personal experiences,
That not all of those days will be good.
For some, the majority of those days will be a breeze
For others, each day will be a trial.
The world is a difficult place.
The world is an interesting place.
I am here to give you a few reminders
To keep up with this trying world we live in.

1. Follow your own heart and dreams. Don’t ever let anyone else tell you what you can or can’t do.

2. If you want something enough, you will find a way to make it happen.

3. You will meet people who hate you, and you will meet people who love you, and you will meet people who you think love you. Don’t be fooled. Some people are just passing by in your story called life. They’re there to teach you something, so always be aware.

4. Always remember that bad things and situations you don’t like will end. It may take minutes, hours, days, or years, but never forget that they will end eventually. You can get through anything.

5. You are your own person, not anyone else’s. Don’t let people take control of you and change your beautiful self.

6. The people in your life who make you giggle and smile in the darkest of times are ones you need to keep with you forever. There is always the potential for hard times, and you’ll need someone to cheer you on.

7. You do not have to live up to any standards or expectations. Family and peers and society are constantly telling us that we have to be a certain way, or else we aren’t good enough. Tune out of that thinking and just be yourself. That’s the best thing you can be.

8. Don’t be afraid to step outside of your comfort zone. Being out of the box can bring on so many amazing new opportunities you never even thought existed.

9. A lot is going to happen to you during your lifetime, so let yourself feel anything and everything. Always feel as much as you can. It makes you experience things at a higher level and you can say, “Yes I know this feeling. I’ve been here before.”

10. A good cry cleanses the heart and mind and soul.

11. Appreciate the small things. They can teach you to love and be at peace with everything around you.

12. It’s okay to take a break from everyday duties once in a while.

13. Travel whenever possible, it opens the mind. Go on adventures in new places and learn about the world. You will come back a new person.

14. Get up the courage to talk to strangers. That’s how you meet people. Who knows, the next person you meet could end up being your new best friend.

15. Stand in the rain and breathe in the wide open air and absorb everything you can about the earth.

16. Long walks are something that can clear the mind and resolve many issues.

17. It’s okay to lay in bed with a book all day.

18. Look out the window and watch the snow silently fall. It’s one of the most peaceful and relaxing things you can do.

19. Remember that everyone is living their very own life with their own problems, so always be kind and respect others.

20. Keep and open mind and listen to people’s thoughts. You might discover more than you think.

21. You are not defined by your weight or skin color or career or the number of friends you have or your grades in school or your decisions. You are so much more than that.

22. Everyone makes mistakes in life, so don’t judge a person based on their decisions.

23. Keep your own limits and morals. Don’t give them up for anyone.

24. Live a little. Be spontaneous and experience all that you possibly can.

25. Aim to live a life that you will be proud of and content with when you’re 90 years old.

26. Things in life will tear you down, but time heals everything.

27. Rumors don’t help anyone. Don’t start or spread them.

28. Your soulmate is out there in the world searching for you too. Don’t lose hope. You’ll find each other one day.

29. Treat yourself once in a while.

30. Random acts of kindness can make someone’s day and it can make you feel good too.

31. You’re going to have to work if you want to live a truly happy life. Don’t cheat or make someone else do the work for you. That will only make an unfulfilled and empty life for you in the end.

32. Be proud of everything you do.

33. Self love never hurt anyone.

34. Find things to look forward to. It will keep you excited and more hopeful for the bright future.

35. Leave a piece of you in every place you go and with every person you meet.

36. Always listen to people. Everyone just wants to be heard and understood and feel like they matter to someone.

37. Do what is best for you in the long run, even if it hurts at first.

38. Love with all your heart and soul at every opportunity.

39. Never settle for less. You deserve the best and whatever makes you truly happy.

40. Don’t feel bad if someone doesn’t like you. It’s their loss because they won’t get to experience your magnificent presence.

41. Never fear love. Love can make you grow and blossom and teach you so much. Don’t fear it, but proceed with caution. Broken hearts will heal with time, but they are never fun.

42. Dancing silly to your favorite songs will guarantee some giggles and smiles.

43. Always sing in the shower, and when you’re home alone, sing as loud as you can.

44. Put effort into everything you do. It makes it all worthwhile and you feel better about it in the end. You can reflect and say “Look at this. I’m proud.”

45. Exercise makes you feel good and you’ll feel accomplished too. Try it sometime.

46. You are beautiful exactly how you are. Don’t deny yourself of your own loveliness.

47. You may not be perfect, because no one is, but you’re hella radiant, which is near perfection.

48. To grow as a person and expand your mind and soul, learn at least one new thing everyday.

49. Don’t beat yourself up about things you have no control over.

50. Happiness is not a goal or a point on a map. It is a state of being that everyone deserves.

Now my friend, I hope you can carry these things with you in your heart
Because every time you are down
You can always get back up.
Every time you are afraid
The fear won’t last forever.
This world and the people in it may knock you down
But you need to keep getting back up.
You have to.
Live, live, live.
Live your dream life. Make things happen.
It will be hard and it may seem hopeless and pointless sometimes,
But just remember that things really do get better.
The world is a difficult place.
The world is a beautiful place.
But only if you believe it to be.

Don’t lose hope.
I love you.

Sincerely, Me.

—  s.h. (via evanescentbeings )

I’m sorry I’m just really angry at the antis in the voltron fandom right now.

I mean

You guys made a petition. A FUCKING petition.

I don’t even know why some of you are even still here. You clearly don’t give two iotas of shit about the show, its creators, or even other fans.

I mean have any of you, any of the people who signed that petition, actually THOUGHT about what you’re doing? You are essentially demanding that the showrunners, the people who made this wonderful series for us all to enjoy, to bend over backwards to cater to YOUR needs and YOUR wants and for what?

So you can have some ground to stand on the next time you decide to tell someone to kill themselves over a ship? So you can have a “canon” reason for why YOUR way of doing things is superior? Or is it so you can begin policing the fandom so you can pretend that you have some kind of power over your life and that your not just some child who has to deal with the world around them growing realer and realer as time goes on and you have no idea what to do because you have all these new feelings you cant explain and your powerless to stop them?

I’ve been in fandoms since I was 14 years old. And I’ve never seen a group of people so utterly dedicated to destroying a series they pretend to love.

Because you don’t love the series. Hell, I’m not even sure you LIKE it.

Otherwise you would have realized hwo pointless all this is because SHIPS DONT MATTER.

THEY’VE NEVER MATTERED

THEY DONT MATTER WHEN YOU GET HURT FOR THE FIRST TIME.

THEY DONT MATTER WHEN SOMEONE YOU LOVE DIES

THEY DONT MATTER WHEN SOMEONE BREAKS YOUR HEART FOR THE FIRST TIME

AND THEY CERTAINLY DONT MATTER WHEN YOUR ON THE INTERNET DRAWING FUCKING FANART OF TWO FICTIONAL CHARACTERS FUCKING.

Here’s a thought experiemnt.

You create a statue. It’s yours. You made it. It’s your baby, and you love it, and while you dont think it’s perfect its YOURS. It can’t belong to anyone else but YOU.

But other people don’t see that.

They start to tell you how your statue should look, start to argue about the color, the shapes, the very core of it’s being. And when you ask them why they keep trying to change the statue they claim its because they “love” it.

But they don’t love it.

They wanna possess it. Make it theirs. They wanna claim your statue as their own property despite not having spent any of the blood, sweat, and tears that went into making it.

And possessing something and controlling it and twisting it to what you want to be isn’t love. Not even close.

If none of you can see why it is this behavior is harmful, or why it is that most of the fandom isn’t behind you…

then go.

Just leave.

None of the voltron fans WANT you here. We all just wanna enjoy this great show with its great characters. And yeah, there’s probably a good portion of us who DONT like the idea of shiro being shipped with the other characters because we interpret them as being from different age groups. But the difference is that fans, REAL fans, know where the line in the sand is drawn and don’t cross it. THEY know and understand that while they love the series, it doesn’t belong to them. They gotta let it grow on its own and be its own thing.

There are PLENTY of voltron fans who dislike shaladin or it’s ilk for what it is. But they understand that its something that up to interpretation because it’s a SHOW. A show they LIKE and ENJOY for reasons outside of the fan shipping.

YOu think the fandom is behidn you?

Ha

ha

ha

Voltron is a 30 year franchise.

There are fans of the series with KIDS.

REAL adults who know what the REAL world is like.

And nearly all of them aren’t behind you.

The universe is a big place. Bigger than the world. Bigger than your house. Bigger than your room. Or your laptop. And it’s DEFINITELY bigger than tumblr.

And if you don’t want to be a part of that universe with the rest of us. I have three words for you.

There’s the door.

It takes the nicest people the longest to learn that someone can love you with everything and then can change their mind in the blink of an eye and never change their mind back and never have a single feeling about you again. Someone can go from loving you to hurting you and not give a single fuck. No matter how many times you tell yourself they have to feel at least a little bad about what they did, or they have to think about you at least a little bit, you can’t get it through your head that they don’t care at all even if you’ve had all the proof handed to you. Yeah, people can really just walk out on you without a thought, without an explanation, without closure. They’ll leave you there to be drowned in emotions. It’s not that they hate you, it’s that they do not care and that’s the worst part.
—  indifference makes a lot of difference
You. Do. Not. Owe. Sex. To. Anybody.

So it’s all good and well writing all of these positivity posts affirming things like “you’re not a bad person if you don’t want to have sex with your non-ace partner!” but unless we actually explain why, it can be pretty upsetting seeing posts claiming the contrary, so here goes:

Firstly, and finally, it is all about bodily autonomy.

Bodily autonomy is a basic human right. Nobody has the right to touch you without your permission. Nobody has the right to give you a hug, to have sex with you, to perform a medical procedure, or do anything with or to your body, without your consent.

(Now, obviously there has to be room for some nuance here: for example, if you are unconscious and there are no next of kin available, medical professionals will perform any procedure they deem necessary for your wellbeing because to not do so would be a neglect of their duty of care; similarly, adults make medical decisions for children because they are deemed not to have the capacity to fully comprehend or consent to such procedures.)

But most importantly, where it concerns sex, nobody is entitled to your body, and nobody is entitled to sex. That includes your partner. You do not owe sex to them or to anyone else, and for them to demand it of you is unreasonable and totally unacceptable.

This is true, whether you are ace or not, whether your partner is ace or not. If somebody doesn’t want to have sex with you - no matter what the reason is - then tough luck, you don’t get to have sex. It is not your decision to make: it has to be a decision that’s made by all parties involved, where everyone involved gives consent.

Moreover, “consent” is not simply agreeing to something:

  • Consent has to be informed (meaning that you know what you are agreeing to and understand the potential consequences of your decision)
  • Consent has to be given freely (meaning that if you don’t feel pressured to do something, and don’t need to be ‘convinced’ or coerced)
  • Consent should be enthusiastic (meaning that you actively want to do this, rather than are agreeing to do something out of a sense of obligation, or even though you’re unsure)

This means that if you say that you don’t want to have sex, and your partner tries to convince you or coerce you or manipulate you into agreeing to it, you have not consented.

Now I fully appreciate that being in a relationship with no sex (if sex is important to you) can be incredibly difficult. But that’s nobody else’s fault. Ultimately, it is up to you to decide if it’s a deal-breaker or not. If you are happy to be in a relationship with no sex, then be in a relationship with no sex. If you are not happy being in a relationship with no sex, then - quite simply - don’t be. Don’t try and pressure your partner into having sex with you, or make them feel bad for not wanting to have sex, because that is a really shitty thing to do, and it is tantamount to rape.

Like every other part of your relationship, you should be open and communicative from the very beginning. If you know that you are not interested in sex, tell you partner or your potential partner, because sadly it might be a deal-breaker for them, and you will avoid further heartbreak down the line. If you know that sex is important to you and you cannot be in a relationship without it, then maybe don’t enter into a relationship with an ace partner, and just be open with them about it.

The same is true of any other issue in relationships, it shouldn’t be any different with sex. If you know that you desperately want kids, then a long-term relationship with somebody who is adamant they will never have kids, probably isn’t the best idea, and if you both are aware of this from the start, you both knew what you were getting into.

And I am very aware that none of this is easy - that being in a relationship with someone who loses interest in sex, or who doesn’t want to have sex when you do, can be painful and hard. Being on the other side - being in a relationship and knowing that you can’t provide a partner with something that is important to them, is also hurtful and difficult. But no matter how hurtful or complicated, you don’t owe sex to anybody, and nobody is entitled to it.

So don’t expect people to change. Getting into a relationship with an ace person and telling yourself that they’ll want sex eventually, or they’ll learn to love it, or they’ll learn to compromise, is really stupid. And it’s putting completely unfair expectations on them. It’s just all-round a really shitty thing to do, so maybe… don’t?

Finn rant

Okay, here goes. I wanted to take the time to summarize everything that I hate about the Star Wars fandom and it’s treatment of Finn. This is all stuff that has annoyed and in some cases offended me that I’ve had to look at for well over  a year since joining this fandom. This is also everything that I’ve felt like I had to keep my mouth shut about because it seems like most people in the Star Wars fandom have no problem whatsoever with.

If you disagree with me, that’s great, and feel free to message me why. If you feel offended, then unfollow me, because that’s what I’ve been trying to do for over a year.

SEXIST ONE-SHOT?

So the other day, a dear friend of mine told me that the finnreyfridays one-shot we were working on was sexist. Like actually sexist. Do you know why they told me it was sexist? Allow me to answer the question for you.



They told me it was sexist because the plot included Finn saving Rey. That’s why. I didn’t turn Rey into a helpless damsel-in-distress, I didn’t write Rey as a slutty scavenger who flirts with every guy she sees.


I wrote Rey as a skilled Jedi who was ambushed by Kylo Ren and the Knights of Ren on a mission, and simply needed help. That’s it. It’s not an unrealistic situation at all, and Rey still got the upper hand on Kylo Ren. She was in danger and outnumbered, and Finn showed up and helped her.



And it’s became very clear to me that it offended my friend for one reason. That reason was that by simply because my having Finn rescue Rey, I apparently shattered Rey’s character and turned her into a helpless damsel-in-distress….


A few weeks ago there was photoset made by @shropshiregirl79 for finnreyfridays. It was a daily planet au with Finn as superman and Rey as Lois Lane. One of the pictures showed Rey in danger and Finn rescuing her, carrying her in his arms. Someone got mad about that and said they made Rey into a damsel-in-distress. 

Another situation arose where someone posted artwork of Finn and Rey as an old-style movie, with Finn a detective pointing a gun at someone while Rey clung to him. Once again, someone got mad and said it turned Rey into a damsel-in-distress. 

It’s become so taboo in this fandom just to have Finn saving, or even protecting Rey without people (probably white feminists) getting mad at it. Why is that? Is Finn’s only role only to be put in peril for Rey to rescue?

And if you’re one of the people who gets mad about that, let me ask you a question.
Would you be mad if it was Finn?



TROOPER IN DISTRESS

Here’s the deal. I joined the fandom well over a year ago. I can safely say I’ve read about

thirty to forty fics

where at some point,

Finn is inevitably captured or put in peril, and rescued by Rey or Poe.

I’ve seen

finnrey shippers

who supposedly love and appreciate Finn, joke around and call

Finn a damsel-in-distress (or trooper-in-distress)

and talk about how Rey does nothing but save him over and over, and everyone laughs and jokes about it.



I’ve read fics where on the off-chance that Finn does risk his life to save Rey, he gets criticized for it because he was being

RECKLESS and Rey HAD IT UNDER CONTROL. Seriously? Finn can’t even save Rey without it involving him being stupid or catching hell or it? 

It’s always, “Finn why did you do that?! You could’ve died!” instead of “Wow Finn thank you for saving me, I’m glad you’re okay. That was pretty brave.”

But nope. Can’t even have that. 

I’ve read fics where Finn is flat out tied up and gagged.

I’ve read a fics where Finn is captured, beaten, stripped down and hosed and left in a cell shivering in the corner helpless, wishing that Rey or Poe was there to save him (but it’s okay because ta-da they come to his rescue).

I’ve read a fic where the entire thing was just worshiping Rey. Literally. It’s Poe’s pov during a battle, and Finn is basically getting beat up and dragged away by stormtroopers, by the way that’s his entire role in the fic, just to get his ass kicked. He doesn’t do anything else.
So Finn’s getting beat up, and the rest of the fic is Poe being completely ENAMORED left in AWE by Rey’s amazing flawless skills fighting through the stormtroopers and kicking ass left and right and looking SOOO beautiful and graceful with her lightsaber and she rescues Finn and Poe thanks her and thanks her over and over again. 

That’s the entire fic. Kissing Rey’s ass and kicking Finn’s. And guess what? The readers ate that shit up. They loved it. 

So let me sum it up again. Finn can get beat up by stormtroopers, captured thousands of times, stripped, tortured, hosed down, and left shivering in a corner basically crying for Poe and Rey like bait, and people say that they appreciate Finn’s character for this? This is okay to everyone?

Yet if I write a one shot where Rey is outnumbered, defeats Kylo Ren but is then outnumbered and Finn comes to save her, then I’m destroying Rey’s character? Then I don’t appreciate her character? Then the entire one-shot is sexist garbage based on turning Rey into a damsel in distress?


Apparently so. Thanks fandom. 

Again, I’ve been putting up with this for over a year, and it took a lot of time for me to actually muster up the courage to rant about it. If this offends you, you’re probably apart of the problem.



Finnamon Roll?


Okay, another major trend I’m sick of is the constant EMASCULATION OF FINN. 
Let me sum up Finn’s character.  He suffers from trauma. He was taken away as a baby and raised to be a ruthless killing machine. He endured 20+ years of brainwashing, propaganda, and conditioning. He had no friends whatsoever (SLIP WAS NOT HIS FRIEND). He was the best stormtrooper cadet in his unit. He almost never missed a shot with a blaster. He was an outcast, and constantly criticized for having a heart.

In TFA, he suffers from trauma, is still an expert shot with a blaster, rescues Poe, keeps Rey from getting shot by stormtroopers, makes a tough decision to leave Rey because he knows what the First Order is capable of, and even begs her to come with him. He comes right back into the fight after seeing Hosnian Prime get destroyed, and is witnesses Rey get kidnapped by his worst nightmare. 
What does he do? He decides to help the Resistance, gives them vital information that only HE knew, volunteers to go to SKB. Captures Phasma and forces her at gunpoint to lower the shields, helps Rey escape from SKB, witnesses Han’s murder, watches Rey get slammed into a tree, before making the final decision to stand up to his worst nightmare, knowing he might die just to protect Rey. His last line in the entire movie is “Come get it.”


After summarizing his character, how come all I see on tumblr is “awwwwww look at my cute smol wittle Finny. He’s so harmless and adorable!!!” Like…excuse me? Is that all tumblr was able to get from that movie? So let me get this straight. Because Finn isn’t a cold-blooded murderer, he’s suddenly nothing but a squishy pile of hearts and flowers and sugar  who couldn’t hurt a fly? Really?

How come in most highschool aus, Finn’s portrayed as an overly-meek or powerless nerd? If anything, Finn would probably be a pretty strong guy who gets straight As and stands up for his friends no matter what. But that doesn’t mean he’s a bully either. 

This is what the fandom does with his character, instead of exploring the endless possibilities with his backstory and trauma. AND on the off-chance that someone writes an actual Finn-centric fic based on his backstory, it’s always just Finn and his stormtrooper buddies having a romance or exploring sex for some reason. We can’t even have a Finn story without it circulating around people he knows. It’s always about someone else at the end of the day.

What’s heartbreaking is that most of the things I’m complaining about happens in the stormpilot and finnrey ships (this is where I expect people to unfollow me). Like come on guys. I could see r/eylos doing this, but not you guys. You’re so much better than that. 


Space Prince Finn (More Emasculation)


Look, when I first heard the idea of Finn being a lost Prince, I was stoked. I was blown away. My reaction was,”Finally! This fandom’s actually given Finn something of his own! He could be royalty! How dope would that be!”

But…of course, this fandom has to take that amazing concept and uh…

Well, we ruined that too. We basically turn Finn into a jewelry stand, and a makeup model. Of course, I’m not saying men can’t wear what they want. If a man wants to wear makeup or wear jewelry, that’s completely fine and I encourage that. But here’s the issue. 

We constantly idolize Princess Leia and Queen/Senator Amidala because they are figures of royalty who can fight and take care of themselves, as well as look badass while they do it. 

So why is it that when we have Prince Finn, he’s once again, emasculated, put in dresses and given nail polish, lipstick, doused in glitter, and turned into a damsel-in-distress who not only needs constant rescue once again, but this time needs Rey/Poe as a bodyguard to protect him?

It’s a double standard. I’m sorry but you can’t praise Leia and Padme for being badass royals who don’t need protection, and turn around and make Finn the opposite. 

And again, it’s something that the fandom eats up for some reason. We’ll shun the Hutt-Slayer bikini (rightfully so. it’s disgusting), make it a point to make fun of the hutt-slayer bikini and constantly criticize it, yet draw Finn in it and everyone thinks it’s cute and hilarious. This is the shit that I’m sick of. 

Look at T’Challa, otherwise known as Black Panther. He is royalty, but he’s also very powerful, knows how to fight, is an amazing fighter, and is taken seriously. Very seriously. He is strong, brave, serious, and intimidating, yet he’s not a bully or a stereotype. 

THIS. THIS is what I expected Prince Finn to be. This is what Prince Finn would be if it were canon. He’d be a strong leader, handsome, noble, powerful, and intimidating. And he wouldn’t need constant protection from Rey and/or Poe. Especially not this constant emasculation and woobifying. 

We live in a day and age where Princesses are being portrayed as stronger and stronger, and are told that they can rescue themselves. So why is Finn being treated the opposite? Why is Finn being treated like he’s just there to look pretty for commissions and make out with Poe? Why does he need all-powerful Rey to always protect him? Why can’t he be taken more seriously?

I want you to think about this.



Deactivating

Okay. This was a lot to cover, and it’s something that’s been nagging at me for a while now. Look. I look up to Finn. I really do. He’s my hero. He’s the first main black lead in Star Wars, and that means the world to me. I want to see him grow and be appreciate and given an epic role moving forward, and I feel like the Star Wars fandom isn’t the place I’m going to find any of that. 



Not a day goes by where I’m not tempted to deactivate and walk away from the fandom entirely. There’s just too much shit Finn is put through that drives me insane. There’s too many things that I look at or read that make me feel like this fandom will never actually appreciate Finn the way the he deserves to be appreciated. Even the people who say that they love Finn tend to do this.



So I wanted to write this rant in case I ever deactivate because of this fandom. Just so you, the readers, can know why.


Thanks for reading. Means a lot. If you’re still wondering when the One-Shot is coming out, probably next week. I have to finish it on my own. 



~Storm



@luminousfinn

@force-2187

@finn-storm-jedi

@lj-writes

@finn-is-a-jedi

@boyega-john

@errrbodylovesfinn 

@finnsajedi​

@diversehighfantasy

@starwarsfandomh8speopleofcolor

@imaswan

02:15 ; chpt. 1

→ pairing: park jimin x reader


→ genre: angst and questionable fluff??


→ words: 2,035 


→ warnings: cheating


→ summary: 02:15 that’s when he’d always go to her and when she would loose her happiness

prologue ; chapter 01

Originally posted by mvssmedia

Keep reading

Some key points:
1. Love comes from Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala so if you are looking for love (halal love offcourse) then turn to him.
2. Expect less from Creation. No one is perfect. The more you expect from people; the more you will be hurt.
3. Don’t rely on your efforts. Try your best and leave the rest to Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala. He knows what’s best for you.
4. If someone is meant for you then you will eventually get in halal way. You don’t have to chase him/her.
5. Their will be ups and down in life so don’t get attach to the moment. This shall too pass.
6. Life will test you but always remember the key point is to be grateful to your Lord. No matter what happen say Alhamdulillah. He will turn your sorrow into blessing in shaa Allah.
7. Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala love you and He won’t burden you with something that you can’t handle. Trust Him and ask for His help