no matter what someone will get hurt

anonymous asked:

So you're black or whatever, and work with cops and fire? Shouldn't you be protesting and standing with the rest of your BLM family lol

I will always support law enforcement. I do not condone the actions of individuals that have tainted the view of an organization dedicated to it’s community, this meaning the few law enforcement officers who were dumb and used power wrongly. That being said, if you put no thought into what those men and women go through, you’re one too many shades of sick for my liking. As someone has a gun out and is shooting at a cop, race, ethnicity, your mother FUCKING social justice bs is out window- it’s a matter of protecting civilians, the cop themselves and taking the criminal down so they can’t hurt others. If you’re so disconnected and can’t appreciate how these people help the community, visit your local sheriff’s office or police station and say hi. Get a taste of who they are as people, and maybe you can appreciate the work they do.

The color of my damn beautiful skin doesn’t matter to me or the sheriffs department, nor the fire department- but it does to you, and that’s the exact problem.

a reminder

that theres nothing “neurotypical” about saying that “your mental illnesses are no excuse to be toxic and to abuse/manipulate your friends/partners”

and yes, this applies no matter your circumstances lmao you dont get a free out of jail card because your unhealthy behavior is caused by symptoms - if someone tells you that your behavior is hurting them or you YOURSELF realize that your relationships arent healthy on your part, its on YOU to

1) communicate with the other person to try to work around it, so that you can see whether your needs are compatible with what theyre capable of giving you in terms of friendship/partnership.
sometimes needs are incompatible, and sometimes relationships dont work out despite mutual (platonic or romantic) affection because there are too many factors that make the relationship more harmful than beneficial - even if its harmful only to one party.

in a relationship, it’s the responsibility of both people to make sure that there is enough communication and safety for people to establish boundaries and voice their needs so that theyre heard. voicing needs doesnt mean that they HAVE to fulfill them even at the cost of their own wellbeing; it means compromising and discussing what can be done so that the relationship isnt draining for either party.

2) apologize for hurting them, take accountability and look into resources to change your behavioral patterns (if it’s a persisting thing). google is your friend. talk with a school counselor/therapist/etc if you have one available for you.
go to a library, see if theres any books on mental health and relationships that might help you out. there ARE resources for mentally ill people and for people who need help at unlearning toxic behaviors caused by trauma or other similar factors. Use them.

trying to opt out of responsibility because your shitty behavioral patterns are caused by trauma/mental illness is you excusing your toxic and/or abusive behavior and at the least makes you an abuse apologist.
it should be obvious why that’s not something the ND tumblr should encourage.

we need to be better and STOP protecting abusers and excusing abusive/toxic behavior under the guise of “mental health positivity/acceptance”

Zodiac Signs in general

(Check your sun sign [DOB] and/or ascendant/rising sign)

Aries: Very chill, impulsive in decision making, dislikes restrictions; whether in personal space, relationships/friendships, loves tomatoes and anything spicy, enjoys eating and being free, their vocal range is powerful, medium to large sized lips.

Taurus: Not agressive but forceful, has good taste in outfit picking and food dishes and everything else in aesthetic, dislikes people without common sense, loves material possesions, loves gifts, very nice voice or distinct tone of voice, does not learn at the pace of others, prefers their own rhythm of doing things, vocal range is second highest to that of Virgo, sensual lips and throat is prominent

Gemini: likes sparkly things, very vocal, can burn your ass with their word phrasing, likes to talk for hours, enjoys reading books, magazines and anything informative, likes to work or do something with their hands, needs mental stimulation instead of physical stimulation, adapts easily to immediate environment, hates being pinned down, has an instinct to detect bullshit, can easily deceive making it real, their vocal range is scattered, uncontrolled vibrato, hands/arms are prominent

Cancer: very sensitive people, likes to cook, they consider themselves chefs, LOVES music, full-round faces, talks about emotions, most likely to cry during sad or touching movie trailers, home is their secure base, attached or close to mother and women figures, soft but firm vocal range, chest is a prominent feature

Leo: Confident, leader in anything, hair and eyebrow are their prominent features, may have ‘Lion’ characteristics, very theatrical, loves to be praised and be the center of attention, other people are their ‘servants’, stands out immediately, strong vocal range

Virgo: very musical, loves analytical things, detail-oriented, very high vocal range, strives for perfection, fussy at home regarding cleaning, detective stuff is interesting, clean image, stomach is noticeable as their feature

Libra: wants to get along with others, since Libra and Taurus are both ruled by Venus, Libra too has a pleasing aesthetic, attractive, gives beauty to anything it touches, you can’t hate this sign no matter what they do ‘cause they do it well, anything fits this sign, dresses well, sexy but not vulgar, very artistic, likes fashion, makeup, needs a partner or wants to be with someone committed, face looks pleasing

Scorpio: magnetic personality, you hurt a scorpio and hell breaks loose and you get stung, powerful and demanding voice, prefers dark shades of color, sex is their thing, very passionate, demands the same attention it gives, penetrating stare, motherfucking sexy as f’, smells bullshit from a mile away, their sexual organs are a prominent feature

Sagittarius: ‘foot-in-the-mouth-disease, blunt, says things like they are, very nice legs or well-formed legs, likes to be physically and mentally stimulated to be happy, prominent smile, walks like a horse (or their walk is like a ‘trot’), red/orange, purple and other warm color hues are their thing, loves music, straightforward, very direct voice.

Capricorn - disciplined, endures good and bad shit, likes to stand out in public, fame is what they strive for, most likely to be in the public eye, there’s always something recognizable about the sign, thin appearance, the elderly are important to them, success is always sure for them, executive look, chiseled chins and knows what’s up, shins and knees are what they deal with the most

Aquarius: very fucking original, a feature always stands out, eccentric, electric, very strong personality, visionary, sets trends in anything you can think of, musical prodigy, technology is their thing, needs mental stimulation, intellectual, calf (leg) are their noticeable body part

Pisces: a very sensitive snowflake, is liked by everyone, green/blue colors fit them, ‘mermaid’ look, breathes music, any look fits them due to their ability to fit like water in a cup, extremely musical, possesses all the qualities from the rest of the zodiac signs since it’s the last sign, silky hair, well-shaped feet, big eyes

What I’ve learned about love

1. Just like roses come in colours other than red, love comes in forms other than romantic.

2. The more you define love, the lesser you know about it.

3. Unrequited love is isn’t whole and something incomplete isn’t love.

4. Love is passion but love is not destruction.
Love never destroys - the lack of it does.

5. People love differently but no matter how they express themselves, if they love you, they will find a way to make sure you know it as well as you know your favourite poem.

6. If being in love is hurting you more than its making you happy, chances are, it’s probably not love.

7. Love isn’t what two people share on social media but rather what they don’t share on social media.

8. Love isn’t blind and love isn’t stupid. Love has the most beautiful eyes and love is wise. Don’t let ‘love’ be an excuse for someone’s unacceptable behaviour.

9. Love is like glitter. No matter how much you try, glitter is hard to completely get rid of. Love leaves but it always leaves behind a part of it. If you’ve loved someone truly, a part of you will always love them irrespective of what year it is or how things ended. And that’s not pathetic and that’s not sad.

10. Love is strong and pure. Love didn’t make you weak or bitter - people you are unlucky to know and feel what love is made you that way.

—  creatingnikki 
Zodiac Signs in general

Aries: Very chill, impulsive in decision making, dislikes restrictions; whether in personal space, relationships/friendships, loves tomatoes and anything spicy, enjoys eating and being free, their vocal range is powerful, medium to large sized lips.

Taurus: Not agressive but forceful, has good taste in outfit picking and food dishes and everything else in aesthetic, dislikes people without common sense, loves material possesions, loves gifts, very nice voice or distinct tone of voice, does not learn at the pace of others, prefers their own rhythm of doing things, vocal range is second highest to that of Virgo, sensual lips and throat is prominent

Keep reading

“but is it still abuse if the abuser doesn’t seem to realize he’s doing it?”

YES IT IS.
Abuse is defined by the pain and trauma victims go thru, your suffering and fear don’t go down one bit because “abuser may not be aware of what they’re doing”, actually, it goes up! Being tortured by someone who doesn’t care enough to even freaking realize they’re damaging you is much more dehumanizing and emotionally taxing than at least knowing the abuser’s intention clearly and that they’re achieving exactly what they want to achieve. Being lost about abuser’s intentions adds on to the trauma!

It doesn’t matter if they meant to do it or not (in most cases they absolutely meant it or didn’t actually give a shit if they’re hurting you or not as long as they get what they want). Staying safe from this person is important. Stopping the abuse and preventing any future abuse is important. Healing is important. Label the abuser with whatever you need that helps you to heal. Forget abuser’s side of the story and focus on yours. What they agree or disagree, what they’re aware or aren’t aware isn’t nearly as important as stopping that person from harming you, and preventing them from hurting you ever again.

I’m sorry I’m just really angry at the antis in the voltron fandom right now.

I mean

You guys made a petition. A FUCKING petition.

I don’t even know why some of you are even still here. You clearly don’t give two iotas of shit about the show, its creators, or even other fans.

I mean have any of you, any of the people who signed that petition, actually THOUGHT about what you’re doing? You are essentially demanding that the showrunners, the people who made this wonderful series for us all to enjoy, to bend over backwards to cater to YOUR needs and YOUR wants and for what?

So you can have some ground to stand on the next time you decide to tell someone to kill themselves over a ship? So you can have a “canon” reason for why YOUR way of doing things is superior? Or is it so you can begin policing the fandom so you can pretend that you have some kind of power over your life and that your not just some child who has to deal with the world around them growing realer and realer as time goes on and you have no idea what to do because you have all these new feelings you cant explain and your powerless to stop them?

I’ve been in fandoms since I was 14 years old. And I’ve never seen a group of people so utterly dedicated to destroying a series they pretend to love.

Because you don’t love the series. Hell, I’m not even sure you LIKE it.

Otherwise you would have realized hwo pointless all this is because SHIPS DONT MATTER.

THEY’VE NEVER MATTERED

THEY DONT MATTER WHEN YOU GET HURT FOR THE FIRST TIME.

THEY DONT MATTER WHEN SOMEONE YOU LOVE DIES

THEY DONT MATTER WHEN SOMEONE BREAKS YOUR HEART FOR THE FIRST TIME

AND THEY CERTAINLY DONT MATTER WHEN YOUR ON THE INTERNET DRAWING FUCKING FANART OF TWO FICTIONAL CHARACTERS FUCKING.

Here’s a thought experiemnt.

You create a statue. It’s yours. You made it. It’s your baby, and you love it, and while you dont think it’s perfect its YOURS. It can’t belong to anyone else but YOU.

But other people don’t see that.

They start to tell you how your statue should look, start to argue about the color, the shapes, the very core of it’s being. And when you ask them why they keep trying to change the statue they claim its because they “love” it.

But they don’t love it.

They wanna possess it. Make it theirs. They wanna claim your statue as their own property despite not having spent any of the blood, sweat, and tears that went into making it.

And possessing something and controlling it and twisting it to what you want to be isn’t love. Not even close.

If none of you can see why it is this behavior is harmful, or why it is that most of the fandom isn’t behind you…

then go.

Just leave.

None of the voltron fans WANT you here. We all just wanna enjoy this great show with its great characters. And yeah, there’s probably a good portion of us who DONT like the idea of shiro being shipped with the other characters because we interpret them as being from different age groups. But the difference is that fans, REAL fans, know where the line in the sand is drawn and don’t cross it. THEY know and understand that while they love the series, it doesn’t belong to them. They gotta let it grow on its own and be its own thing.

There are PLENTY of voltron fans who dislike shaladin or it’s ilk for what it is. But they understand that its something that up to interpretation because it’s a SHOW. A show they LIKE and ENJOY for reasons outside of the fan shipping.

YOu think the fandom is behidn you?

Ha

ha

ha

Voltron is a 30 year franchise.

There are fans of the series with KIDS.

REAL adults who know what the REAL world is like.

And nearly all of them aren’t behind you.

The universe is a big place. Bigger than the world. Bigger than your house. Bigger than your room. Or your laptop. And it’s DEFINITELY bigger than tumblr.

And if you don’t want to be a part of that universe with the rest of us. I have three words for you.

There’s the door.

17.01.29  fancafe - bts_Rap Monster

23:43
thoughts

are you guys having a happy holiday?

Nowadays, I’ve been thinking to what extent can thoughts run away. although it’s together with me the whole time, though my dreams are coming true, it brings me down too. I thought growing older was a process where you know more of when to let go of this friend but it’s still hard to control my mind and thoughts

I heard someone say that. To say “oo hurt me” is matter of fact an illusion. Whatever happens to me, I’ll decide whether how much damage is inflicted by it, whether I acknowledge the pain or not, whether or not I’m going to fall apart. I really think I know but I still don’t get it. Not everyone can know my heart. What about you guys, how does it touch you?

worrying about how to live. I believed that if you what you love, and accomplish things, you could see what’s next but I still don’t have an answer. maybe forever. each person would write their own book of their own ways right? how to live? how to be happy? If you read the books, very good people have firmly put down their own definition. It’s not just me with an idle repulsion. right? maybe because it’s their own books.

I didn’t want to be a twisted person but.
A few days ago, a taxi driver with a cool voice recommended me a book, he said “if you read this book you will know the reason as to why we read classic books of geniuses such as Edison, Einstein, Leonardo Da Vinci. People like me or young men like you are not geniuses. But if you read those books and feel a little, the wisdom of those geniuses will fall and settle into our minds like dew drops. Then it could become a big help in your life..” I nodded my head without realizing. That was a kind of rebellion. But because many phrases from books have come to my salvation, I had no choice but to agree.

Anyway…I think this has become to long. I couldn’t go to the studio over the past few weeks. we all need our own hiding place. I hope you guys too can get rid of your thoughts with no such answers, whether by replying to this post, through music like me, or by making your own posts, doing whatever work you do, or resting on your holiday break. I hope to spend this year a litter nicer. nevertheless. let’s smile more. your own burdens are the heaviest but lets share them with each other sometimes. Please have a happy new year.

(–)(__)(–)
heart’s new year bow

- RM

trans; @hobuing | do not repost or crop credit

Finn rant

Okay, here goes. I wanted to take the time to summarize everything that I hate about the Star Wars fandom and it’s treatment of Finn. This is all stuff that has annoyed and in some cases offended me that I’ve had to look at for well over  a year since joining this fandom. This is also everything that I’ve felt like I had to keep my mouth shut about because it seems like most people in the Star Wars fandom have no problem whatsoever with.

If you disagree with me, that’s great, and feel free to message me why. If you feel offended, then unfollow me, because that’s what I’ve been trying to do for over a year.

SEXIST ONE-SHOT?

So the other day, a dear friend of mine told me that the finnreyfridays one-shot we were working on was sexist. Like actually sexist. Do you know why they told me it was sexist? Allow me to answer the question for you.



They told me it was sexist because the plot included Finn saving Rey. That’s why. I didn’t turn Rey into a helpless damsel-in-distress, I didn’t write Rey as a slutty scavenger who flirts with every guy she sees.


I wrote Rey as a skilled Jedi who was ambushed by Kylo Ren and the Knights of Ren on a mission, and simply needed help. That’s it. It’s not an unrealistic situation at all, and Rey still got the upper hand on Kylo Ren. She was in danger and outnumbered, and Finn showed up and helped her.



And it’s became very clear to me that it offended my friend for one reason. That reason was that by simply because my having Finn rescue Rey, I apparently shattered Rey’s character and turned her into a helpless damsel-in-distress….


A few weeks ago there was photoset made by @shropshiregirl79 for finnreyfridays. It was a daily planet au with Finn as superman and Rey as Lois Lane. One of the pictures showed Rey in danger and Finn rescuing her, carrying her in his arms. Someone got mad about that and said they made Rey into a damsel-in-distress. 

Another situation arose where someone posted artwork of Finn and Rey as an old-style movie, with Finn a detective pointing a gun at someone while Rey clung to him. Once again, someone got mad and said it turned Rey into a damsel-in-distress. 

It’s become so taboo in this fandom just to have Finn saving, or even protecting Rey without people (probably white feminists) getting mad at it. Why is that? Is Finn’s only role only to be put in peril for Rey to rescue?

And if you’re one of the people who gets mad about that, let me ask you a question.
Would you be mad if it was Finn?



TROOPER IN DISTRESS

Here’s the deal. I joined the fandom well over a year ago. I can safely say I’ve read about

thirty to forty fics

where at some point,

Finn is inevitably captured or put in peril, and rescued by Rey or Poe.

I’ve seen

finnrey shippers

who supposedly love and appreciate Finn, joke around and call

Finn a damsel-in-distress (or trooper-in-distress)

and talk about how Rey does nothing but save him over and over, and everyone laughs and jokes about it.



I’ve read fics where on the off-chance that Finn does risk his life to save Rey, he gets criticized for it because he was being

RECKLESS and Rey HAD IT UNDER CONTROL. Seriously? Finn can’t even save Rey without it involving him being stupid or catching hell or it? 

It’s always, “Finn why did you do that?! You could’ve died!” instead of “Wow Finn thank you for saving me, I’m glad you’re okay. That was pretty brave.”

But nope. Can’t even have that. 

I’ve read fics where Finn is flat out tied up and gagged.

I’ve read a fics where Finn is captured, beaten, stripped down and hosed and left in a cell shivering in the corner helpless, wishing that Rey or Poe was there to save him (but it’s okay because ta-da they come to his rescue).

I’ve read a fic where the entire thing was just worshiping Rey. Literally. It’s Poe’s pov during a battle, and Finn is basically getting beat up and dragged away by stormtroopers, by the way that’s his entire role in the fic, just to get his ass kicked. He doesn’t do anything else.
So Finn’s getting beat up, and the rest of the fic is Poe being completely ENAMORED left in AWE by Rey’s amazing flawless skills fighting through the stormtroopers and kicking ass left and right and looking SOOO beautiful and graceful with her lightsaber and she rescues Finn and Poe thanks her and thanks her over and over again. 

That’s the entire fic. Kissing Rey’s ass and kicking Finn’s. And guess what? The readers ate that shit up. They loved it. 

So let me sum it up again. Finn can get beat up by stormtroopers, captured thousands of times, stripped, tortured, hosed down, and left shivering in a corner basically crying for Poe and Rey like bait, and people say that they appreciate Finn’s character for this? This is okay to everyone?

Yet if I write a one shot where Rey is outnumbered, defeats Kylo Ren but is then outnumbered and Finn comes to save her, then I’m destroying Rey’s character? Then I don’t appreciate her character? Then the entire one-shot is sexist garbage based on turning Rey into a damsel in distress?


Apparently so. Thanks fandom. 

Again, I’ve been putting up with this for over a year, and it took a lot of time for me to actually muster up the courage to rant about it. If this offends you, you’re probably apart of the problem.



Finnamon Roll?


Okay, another major trend I’m sick of is the constant EMASCULATION OF FINN. 
Let me sum up Finn’s character.  He suffers from trauma. He was taken away as a baby and raised to be a ruthless killing machine. He endured 20+ years of brainwashing, propaganda, and conditioning. He had no friends whatsoever (SLIP WAS NOT HIS FRIEND). He was the best stormtrooper cadet in his unit. He almost never missed a shot with a blaster. He was an outcast, and constantly criticized for having a heart.

In TFA, he suffers from trauma, is still an expert shot with a blaster, rescues Poe, keeps Rey from getting shot by stormtroopers, makes a tough decision to leave Rey because he knows what the First Order is capable of, and even begs her to come with him. He comes right back into the fight after seeing Hosnian Prime get destroyed, and is witnesses Rey get kidnapped by his worst nightmare. 
What does he do? He decides to help the Resistance, gives them vital information that only HE knew, volunteers to go to SKB. Captures Phasma and forces her at gunpoint to lower the shields, helps Rey escape from SKB, witnesses Han’s murder, watches Rey get slammed into a tree, before making the final decision to stand up to his worst nightmare, knowing he might die just to protect Rey. His last line in the entire movie is “Come get it.”


After summarizing his character, how come all I see on tumblr is “awwwwww look at my cute smol wittle Finny. He’s so harmless and adorable!!!” Like…excuse me? Is that all tumblr was able to get from that movie? So let me get this straight. Because Finn isn’t a cold-blooded murderer, he’s suddenly nothing but a squishy pile of hearts and flowers and sugar  who couldn’t hurt a fly? Really?

How come in most highschool aus, Finn’s portrayed as an overly-meek or powerless nerd? If anything, Finn would probably be a pretty strong guy who gets straight As and stands up for his friends no matter what. But that doesn’t mean he’s a bully either. 

This is what the fandom does with his character, instead of exploring the endless possibilities with his backstory and trauma. AND on the off-chance that someone writes an actual Finn-centric fic based on his backstory, it’s always just Finn and his stormtrooper buddies having a romance or exploring sex for some reason. We can’t even have a Finn story without it circulating around people he knows. It’s always about someone else at the end of the day.

What’s heartbreaking is that most of the things I’m complaining about happens in the stormpilot and finnrey ships (this is where I expect people to unfollow me). Like come on guys. I could see r/eylos doing this, but not you guys. You’re so much better than that. 


Space Prince Finn (More Emasculation)


Look, when I first heard the idea of Finn being a lost Prince, I was stoked. I was blown away. My reaction was,”Finally! This fandom’s actually given Finn something of his own! He could be royalty! How dope would that be!”

But…of course, this fandom has to take that amazing concept and uh…

Well, we ruined that too. We basically turn Finn into a jewelry stand, and a makeup model. Of course, I’m not saying men can’t wear what they want. If a man wants to wear makeup or wear jewelry, that’s completely fine and I encourage that. But here’s the issue. 

We constantly idolize Princess Leia and Queen/Senator Amidala because they are figures of royalty who can fight and take care of themselves, as well as look badass while they do it. 

So why is it that when we have Prince Finn, he’s once again, emasculated, put in dresses and given nail polish, lipstick, doused in glitter, and turned into a damsel-in-distress who not only needs constant rescue once again, but this time needs Rey/Poe as a bodyguard to protect him?

It’s a double standard. I’m sorry but you can’t praise Leia and Padme for being badass royals who don’t need protection, and turn around and make Finn the opposite. 

And again, it’s something that the fandom eats up for some reason. We’ll shun the Hutt-Slayer bikini (rightfully so. it’s disgusting), make it a point to make fun of the hutt-slayer bikini and constantly criticize it, yet draw Finn in it and everyone thinks it’s cute and hilarious. This is the shit that I’m sick of. 

Look at T’Challa, otherwise known as Black Panther. He is royalty, but he’s also very powerful, knows how to fight, is an amazing fighter, and is taken seriously. Very seriously. He is strong, brave, serious, and intimidating, yet he’s not a bully or a stereotype. 

THIS. THIS is what I expected Prince Finn to be. This is what Prince Finn would be if it were canon. He’d be a strong leader, handsome, noble, powerful, and intimidating. And he wouldn’t need constant protection from Rey and/or Poe. Especially not this constant emasculation and woobifying. 

We live in a day and age where Princesses are being portrayed as stronger and stronger, and are told that they can rescue themselves. So why is Finn being treated the opposite? Why is Finn being treated like he’s just there to look pretty for commissions and make out with Poe? Why does he need all-powerful Rey to always protect him? Why can’t he be taken more seriously?

I want you to think about this.



Deactivating

Okay. This was a lot to cover, and it’s something that’s been nagging at me for a while now. Look. I look up to Finn. I really do. He’s my hero. He’s the first main black lead in Star Wars, and that means the world to me. I want to see him grow and be appreciate and given an epic role moving forward, and I feel like the Star Wars fandom isn’t the place I’m going to find any of that. 



Not a day goes by where I’m not tempted to deactivate and walk away from the fandom entirely. There’s just too much shit Finn is put through that drives me insane. There’s too many things that I look at or read that make me feel like this fandom will never actually appreciate Finn the way the he deserves to be appreciated. Even the people who say that they love Finn tend to do this.



So I wanted to write this rant in case I ever deactivate because of this fandom. Just so you, the readers, can know why.


Thanks for reading. Means a lot. If you’re still wondering when the One-Shot is coming out, probably next week. I have to finish it on my own. 



~Storm



@luminousfinn

@force-2187

@finn-storm-jedi

@lj-writes

@finn-is-a-jedi

@boyega-john

@errrbodylovesfinn 

@finnsajedi​

@diversehighfantasy

@starwarsfandomh8speopleofcolor

@imaswan

To The Wonder

Pairing: Y/N/Michael

Rating: All

Request: No

Words: 1.600+

Summary: A fight between Y/N and Michael leaves her devastated as he has left for tour without a proper goodbye and that leaves her in wonder and sadness of how to get over his actions.

Keep reading

What We Seem to Forget About the Signs
  • Aries: they're really fragile internally, and you really need to handle with care
  • Taurus: they're actually really good at reading people and are very smart, but they keep it in most of the time
  • Gemini: they support you no matter what you do, no matter how many times you change what you want to do, like your own personal cheerleader
  • Cancer: no matter how many times you hurt them, they stick around because they get it and they think they can help you and YOU DON'T DESERVE THEM
  • Leo: they're the type of people to put things back where they belong in the grocery store because they don't want to inconvenience someone
  • Virgo: they're very creative and make some of the best storytellers, and they're definitely not as rigid as people make them out to be
  • Libra: for an air sign, they're also extremely loyal, especially to the people they really care about
  • Scorpio: they just want to have fun and live in a romantic comedy and have a happily ever after but instead the world is a horror movie and it's safer for them to be tough and reserved and suspicious
  • Sagittarius: we seem to forget that you can't mess with them, because their minds are brutally honest and they're a scarily perceptive judge of character
  • Capricorn: they should be dubbed the sexual ones, more so than scorpio, because they're the ones more likely to search for intimacy without an emotional connection
  • Aquarius: they try really hard, all the time, in whatever they do, and they rarely get credit for it; their whole personality is just them trying really hard to hide who they are
  • Pisces: a lot meaner than they're made out to be; not that they're mean in general, but they're meaner than the sweet angels we sometimes see them as
a concept: iron woman!lena au

(feat. amazing art by @msluthor 💕)

  • lena gets abducted on the third tuesday of march, just as the sun begins to slip behind the peaks of the national city skyline. she hears the footsteps coming toward her office, assumes it is jess; it is not, oh, it is not, and the masked figures drag her away before she can so much as gasp in a desperate breath
  • they do not want ransom. they do not want supergirl. no, she is the target. she–the sister of lex–is all they want. (he hurt our families, they say, and she wants to say he hurt mine too)
  • kara saves her. of course kara saves her, always will. but this time, she does not arrive soon enough. this time, lena’s head is bowed, dripping blood from a cut somewhere on her scalp, when kara’s boots crash against the ground
  • lena spends four days in the hospital and then twelve in the l-corp labs. in that time, she builds the suit
  • (kara is worried, she knows. it is not subtle, the way kara looks at her with that crinkled brow, that lip tugged taut between teeth. there is no way to assuage her fears, though, not yet. not when lena feels the same fears too. just wait, she says. i’ll fix it. i’ll fix it)
  • the suit is green, hints of white rimming the edges. thrusters in the soles of the boots and palms of the gloves. reinforced. safe
  • that’s what matters: safe. she’ll be safe. she can keep kara safe

Keep reading

If you think you’re worthless, stop scrolling right now and read.

I’m writing this for a specific mutual, but it isn’t only true for one person, so read on.

You know those inspirational posts you see people reblog every day?

Stuff about people all throughout history who failed and went bankrupt and were depressed and were told they weren’t good enough - and yet somehow they rose above it and defied all those notions to become heroes and legends and history makers and culture movers. And the post always ends with “so don’t be hard on yourself when you mess up” and it’s all nice and sweet and pretty. Maybe you scroll past them. Maybe you hardly ever see them on your dash at all.

Maybe you’re among those who reblogs these posts.

But maybe every time you hit the reblog or the like button, your brain is whispering “this isn’t about you” and “yes people can do amazing things, but not you” and “ah yes amazing stories, too bad it will never happen to you” and you listen to these whisperings and you laugh and shake your head…

Because you know exactly where you stand: worthless. irredeemable. a loser. a lost cause.

Please.

Please.

Listen to me.

As your friend.

As a stranger who doesn’t know you. Who doesn’t have to know you, or your failings, or your depression, or your anxiety, or your embarrassments, or your deepest darkest most heinous crimes.

Stop.

Just stop.

Look up. Look around you. Open. Your. Eyes. Are they open? Good. Keep them open. Don’t ever close them again. See the world. See you: a human being, valid, flawed, journeying, changing, growing, scraping, failing, rising, a masterpiece that will never be made again.

You are beautiful. You who think you are overweight and lazy. You are beautiful. You who think you are stupid and uneducated. You are beautiful. You who think you are a loser, and amount to nothing. You are beautiful. You who bleed and ache and never rest. You are beautiful.

You have worth.

Want to know a secret? If you wake up in the morning and tell yourself you’re not going to amount to anything that day, then you aren’t going to. If you go to bed at night thinking nothing will change tomorrow, then you are going to change nothing.

Because you’ve resigned yourself to that lie. And it is a lie, friend. A straight-out, soul-condemning, out-of-the-pit, self-deprecating, self-pitying lie. A lie you don’t have to believe. A lie you should not believe.

If you stand in the corner and bow your head and stare at the ground, you’ve already lost the battle without fighting. This is a surrender in which there is no honor, and in it there is no hope.

Life isn’t easy, friend. Life isn’t fair. It’s hard. And getting things done is hard. Some days, just getting up out of bed is hard. Just breathing. Just doing homework. Just going to work. Just trying to keep the dishes and trash from overflowing.

But we do it anyway.

Why? Because there’s life to live. There are choices to be made. Jokes to laugh at. Awkward conversations to be had. Art to mess up and start over on. Jobs to work. Pizza to be eaten.

We do it anyway.

So guess what?

You do it anyway too.

Why? Because of this:

You are special.

Right now, this second, turn off the voice that hears these Disney-fied words and scoffs and ignores them. Listen.

There is not a human being who has ever lived or ever will live on this planet that is not important, that is not here for a reason. No life is worthless, and most certainly not yours. My God doesn’t make worthless things, and he doesn’t make mistakes. There are no extra pieces in this universe, no spare parts. He made you. And he made you for a purpose, and that purpose is not to sit in your room, afraid to try, afraid to love, afraid to hope, afraid to climb and fall and hurt and get back up again.

Want to know another secret? You aren’t alone. Every single human being in the history of everything has struggled with feeling worthless at some point in their life. Every single one. That is not a lie. Your feelings of worthlessness are not what is special about you. You are what is special about you. The God who created you is what is special about you.

No matter what you’re going through, no matter what you’ve done, no matter what you have failed to do, someone else has gone through worse. Sometimes, a lot worse.

Oh, now you feel invalidated. “Why can’t I just believe in myself? Other people have it worse, I shouldn’t complain, I should just try harder, but I know trying harder isn’t going to help, so what’s the point.”

Guess what?

Stop that too.

Stop it dead in its tracks.

Kill that thought. Every day. Every morning. Every minute it shows its ugly lying face. Kill it and put it to rest. Stack headstones on top of it and move away, far far way, friend.

Don’t tell me I don’t know what I’m talking about. I don’t know where you’ve been, but you don’t know where I’ve been either. Don’t ignore hope because you think it’s for other people. Don’t keep yourself from making an effort, and pushing yourself forward. Bury the lie. You have worth. You are loved. You are important. God does not make worthless things.

One of my favorite lyrics says “How does it end when the war that you’re in is just you against you against you? You’ve got to learn to love, learn to love your enemies too.”

Learn to love.

Your enemy.

Yourself.

Start learning to see you the way God sees you.

See you the way I see you.

Perfect.

Worthwhile.

Amazing.

Just at the very beginning.

Every single day you wake up is a brand new start.

A bright new chance. Every. Single. One. You will never stop getting chances for as long as you are here, so why dismiss them? Isn’t that the most beautiful thing there is? You get to keep trying. Every single day. You have the gift to go again, try again, start again, live again, breathe again, hope again.

Guess what. When the morning is wasted, the afternoon is still there. When the afternoon is wasted, the evening is still there. When the evening is wasted, the night is still there. And then morning comes again.

So the next time you see a motivational post, an inspiring reblog, a story about how someone overcame something horrible, and turned it into something amazing, look long and hard and take courage, find hope in that. Stop dismissing it as being from a universe you have no part in. Stop putting yourself to that measuring stick and turning away because you’re not there yet.

You’re looking at the end result. At some point, they were standing in your shoes. They couldn’t see the end. They couldn’t see what they might or might not amount to. They had no idea, just like you now. Just exactly like you.

Hope, my friend. Every time you start to think “I can/will never” do this or that or amount to anything or accomplish anything… Hope. Stop those thoughts immediately. Kill them. Bury them. Never stop burying them. They are lies and you are better than them.

Drive them out. Open your eyes. Look around. Pick yourself up. Brush away the tears. “I will try. My God doesn’t make worthless things, so I am not worthless. My God does not create without meaning, so I have meaning. I am here for a reason. Today I will live to find out what that reason is for today. And tomorrow I will hope again.”

Life is hard, my friend. Stop beating yourself up. You are worth more and capable of more than you can ever imagine or hope or dream. Don’t let your past or present failures stop you or beat you down. Keep going, keep hoping, keep killing the lies. You are bigger than them, you go beyond them. And God is greater, and he knows your heart. Trust him. Wake up. Open your eyes. Move forward. Keep your eyes open.



“You’ve got all that emotion that’s heaving like an ocean
And you’re drowning in a deep, dark well
I can hear it in your voice that if you only had a choice
You would rather be anyone else

I love you just the way that you are
I love the way He made your precious heart

Be kind to yourself
Be kind to yourself

I know it’s hard to hear it when that anger in your spirit
Is pointed like an arrow at your chest
When the voices in your mind are anything but kind
And you can’t believe your Father knows best

I love you just the way that you are
I love the way He’s shaping your heart

Be kind to yourself
Be kind to yourself

Well how does it end when the war that you’re in
Is just you against you against you
Gotta learn to love, learn to love
Learn to love your enemies too

You can’t expect to be perfect
It’s a fight you’ve gotta forfeit
You belong to me whatever you do
So lay down your weapon, darling
Take a deep breath and believe that I love you

Be kind to yourself
Be kind to yourself
Be kind to yourself

Gotta learn to love, learn to love
Learn to love your enemies
Gotta learn to love, learn to love
Learn to love your enemies too

Your Color

Word Count: 5701

Summary: Bucky thought he finally found the one but it turned out to be your sister. And being the big sister you are, you went to talk the bastard who played with your sister’s feelings. Unbeknownst to him, you are his superior in the army and is more than prepared in giving him a hard time. 

Pairing: 40s!Bucky Barnes x bamf!reader

Warning: Language that Cap doesn’t approve of. Extremely long. Probably going to have a part 2. 40s!Bucky is not my specialty. Tell me if you want more oneshots or not please. This is a Soulmate Au where everyone has two different eye colors, one of their own and one is their soulmate’s. Once they meet each other, the eyes revert back to their own color. (bucky has brown eyes in this fic) ([Y/N/N] means your nickname)

PART TWO

Masterlist

Originally posted by stallingdemons

“You know, Buck. When my Ma and Pa first met, their eyes changed instantly.” Steve shrugged as he murmured his words. 

“I know that, Steve. It’s kind of hard to forget when you mention it every single time I’m with Nancy.” Bucky sassed as he leaned back to his seat in the booth. It was the same diner where he and Nancy first met. It became their agreed on place to meet. The first time they saw each other, it was a sight. They both had one brown and one [Y/E/C]; it was a perfect match.

“You’ve been together for more than a week, Buck. And your eyes hasn’t change a single shade.” Steve tried to knock some sense into Bucky’s head. He has been trying to for a while now. He was there when Nancy and Bucky met. 

“I’m aware. But my folks, it took 2 days, Steve. Two whole days.” Bucky, unlike his friends, still held on to the slither of hope that Steve was just being impatient.

“It’s been 10 days, Bucky. I don’t think she’s the one,” Steve lowly murmured. Bucky opened his mouth to answer but whatever he was supposed to say faded away. He took a deep breath. He knew, deep down, that Steve had a point. “You think I haven’t been counting?“ 

“You’re going to be drafted in a few days.“ 

“Are you really going to let her think you’re soulmates and make her wait for you until you come back to tell her the truth?” That sentence made his chest tighten. 

“No.” Bucky knew exactly what he had to do, no matter how hard it was, he had to do it. It was unfair to Nancy and he knew that. All he wanted was to meet his soulmate before he gets shipped to England. That was his only wish and that was enough to blind him on obvious facts. That Nancy [Y/L/N] isn’t his soulmate. He had to set things straight, even if he had to hurt the woman who has done nothing but want to meet her soulmate but met someone like him instead.


“Oh, you should meet him, [Y/N]!“ 

Nancy twirled around in her dress as she removed the curlers in her hair. There were clear happiness in her eyes and [Y/N] couldn’t help but smile at her sister. Nancy was such a hopeless romantic, the state of the war not affecting her carefree personality one bit. [Y/N] sat on the bed and grinned at her little sister. Nancy sat beside [Y/N] then placed her head on her older sister’s shoulder. “He’s amazing! He’s funny! He so gentlemanly and very suitable for the war! He has a rank too!“ 

Keep reading

When someone cries so hard that it hurts their throat, it is out of frustration or knowing that no matter what you can do or attempt to do can change the situation. When you feel like you need to cry, when you want to just get it out, relieve some of the pressure from the inside - that is true pain. Because no matter how hard you try or how bad you want to, you can’t. That pain just stays in place. Then, if you are lucky, one small tear may escape from those eyes that water constantly. That one tear, that tiny, salty, droplet of moisture is a means of escape. Although it’s just a small tear, it is the heaviest thing in the world. And it doesn’t do a damn thing to fix anything.
—  Chase Brooks, Hello, My Love 2: First Love Deserves a Second Chance

Honestly I don’t want to sound dramatic but staring at disabled people in public can be a form of violence.

Hear me out. When we realize that you’re staring at us we suddenly become very self conscious or we become hyper aware of what we’re doing and end up over thinking simple things like staying upright

So, for instance, a walker user might get distracted and lose their balance. They might fall down because someone is staring at them.

When I was still walking, I fell and hurt myself more than once because people distracted me with their unapologetic staring. They might as well have pushed me over.

Basically, if you notice yourself staring at a disabled person, stop. You might not realize it, but you’re putting them at risk. It doesn’t matter how good your intentions are.

BTS Reaction to: You Avoiding Them After Sympathy Sex

@rosalinecarlton:  Can i request for a BTS reaction: When you avoid them after having sympathy sex(after your break up)? Thnx in advance😊😊😊


Jin: Knew that you had just ended your relationship but thought that you coming to him, out of everyone else in your life, really meant something. He would give you space for a week or so before confronting you, asking why you were avoiding him:

“Did that night mean nothing to you? Were you just using me?”

Originally posted by beagletae

Suga: Would have taken the longest to convince into sex, after your breakup. Logic told him he was just a rebound but his heart yearned for your touch, even if it was only one night, and even if it meant nothing to you. Although he had prepared himself for the aftermath, having you avoid him hurt more than he was expecting.

“Yah! Where are you going? You can’t look at me now but a month ago you had no issue sucking my dick?”

Originally posted by jeonbase

J-Hope: Took the least convincing to get into bed tbh. That night of passion was led by his dick and not his head. When you showed up, wanting to have sex, he had dragged you into bed before he could think about the consequences. Being avoided hurt him so bad. He was hopeful, that night, that you returned his feelings but instead he now sees himself as your regret. Takes the longest to confront you, since he’s hopeful you’ll somehow realize you love him. But even hope runs out.

“So that’s it, huh? You use me for one night and now you can’t even look at me? Does the memory of that night disgust you? Am I just dirt beneath your shoe?”

Originally posted by bangtannoonas

Rap Monster: We all know he’s got a big brain but we can’t forget about how pure and loving his heart is. When you show up, recently single, at his door, his brain tells him not to sleep with you. He knows he’s a rebound. But his heart doesn’t listen. And his heart convinces his brain that there might be a chance of love here. So when you start avoiding him, he’ll laugh, knowing all along that he knew but didn’t want to believe it. He wastes no time in confronting you, wanting answers:

“Did you want to hurt me? Did you know how much I cared for you or was I just the only fool who opened the door for you that night?”

Originally posted by hopeatuuli

Jimin: Will be the most hurt out of all the boys. He has a heart bigger than life and when you hurt him, that really leaves a scar. He trusts so easily but earning back that trust is a lot harder. He’s so upset and disappointed when you start avoiding him. If you regretted the night, then why not say so? Why avoid him and make him feel like shit instead? It will take the others to push you two together, before he’ll confront you.

“I understand that you don’t return my feelings. And that you’ve recently broken up. I was just used to fill a hole in your heart for a night, right? I mustn’t have filled it well. But I hope you find someone that does and who makes you happy, even if that person is not me.”

Originally posted by whyparkjimin

V: Gets really mad. Although he can be childish, he would never play with someones emotions like you had. When you spent the night with him, he thought that was you moving on, with him. It takes a few days of you avoiding him before he’ll understand what that night really meant for you. When he confronts you, he’ll downplay how much you hurt him and focus more on your actions.

“Do you think that’s okay? To sleep around randomly and then ignore that person? Being hurt from your breakup doesn’t matter. That’s really selfish - Grow up, Y/N.”

Originally posted by bangtannoonas

Jungkook: With no experience with a situation like this, he’s really lost and confused. He didn’t understand how he could be just a booty call to you. Did the fact that you went to him, in your moment of need, really mean nothing to you? Although he can’t stop thinking about that night, about happy he was with you in his arms, he’ll act nonchalant when confronting you.

“You get a taste of this and yet walk away so easily? Fine, that’s your loss. Call me when you realize your stupidity.”

Originally posted by nnochu

Baekhyun - Play (X)

Originally posted by dazzlingkai

Playone, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, ?

; it has always been you. 

A/N: after more than a month of waiting, here it is! the next few parts have already been planned out, hope you’ll enjoy play till the end and after.

meet the heartbreaker himself.

masterlist // get to know me

    Eternity wouldn’t be enough to heal this agony, this heartbreak. You’ve realized that the moment his lips first touched yours, and when heaven felt like his body. It would never leave your head, it will never be erased. The familiarity of his body against yours was too strong to be forgotten, too strong to be undone. Your heart ached for him each and every night. Each night was spent by your window, staring at the bare sky, wondering why did it have to be like this, wondering why did you have to fall for him.

    At first, it seemed more like a dream. His body was a source of warmth during those cold nights where you couldn’t find the strength to fall asleep. His hands were a source of light, guiding you through the darkness you were trapped in. His lips were a source of safety as he kissed you softly, knowing that there would be someone to catch you when you fall. But that was then.

     Your heart turned blind to the truth of your relationship, your deal, your play. To never fall in love with each other, that was the first and only rule. The rule you had disgracefully broken, but he was just too much to handle. He was carved to look like an angel, but inside him was a devil. Sometimes, his touching words and tender actions took you off guard. You weren’t used to him being like this, you weren’t used to him opening his heart.

   And slowly, he did. He turned more human by the day, and he soon did become one. Inside of him was a soul that laughed and sang, lively and in love with music that drowned him. His eyes opened up for once, and his lips became softer than ever. His heart has been unlocked, and you were the one who held the key. But he was Baekhyun.

    Flaws like every other human inhabited in him. His was specifically made to destroy you; he was made to make you love him, make your heart swell at the thought of him, make your dizzy head clear when you see him, then leave you. And that’s exactly what he did.

    He played you, he played you well. His hands held your heart with a strong grip, ever so slowly crushing it, allowing you to feel the excruciatingly painful ache as he kissed you, lips so soft unlike his grip.

    And all you could do was to watch him do so, allow him to squeeze the life out of you, believing that it was pleasure, satisfaction, and bliss as he drained your blood with his kiss. You were a fool to love him, you were a fool to let him do so, you were a fool to let him continue.

    It’s been a few days since you’ve seen him. Your bedroom has contained you in its four claustrophobic walls, keeping you away from him. It hurt more than it should have. No matter how many times you’ve walked away after he had left you, you only found yourself walking back to where he left you behind, waiting and hoping that somehow in his heart, he would find a reason to come back, to stay. But he was Byun Baekhyun, and you were just part of his half time heart, his intended play.

    Sometimes, when the pain was too unbearable, Junmyeon would come by, a bouquet of flowers in one hand, while the other went in to immediately hug you, hoping that his arms could replace those of Baekhyun, but deep inside, no matter how hard both you and Junmyeon believed in it, it could never happen. Baekhyun has left his mark, and it was indelible, unforgettable, and forever.

    Junmyeon would lay down beside you in your bed, eyes closed as he sighed. He didn’t understand how foolish and gullible your heart was, he just couldn’t understand how you managed to still love Baekhyun no matter what.

    But no matter how hard he tried to understand, he couldn’t. Not when you were hurting, not when you were suffering, not when you were still in love with him. Junmyeon allowed you to go on though. He was patient with you, his heart still willing to wait for yours to get over that of someone who didn’t deserve a speck of your attention, much less, your love.

    He never tried to stop you whenever you tried to seek after Baekhyun, he never said anything against it, he never went against you. Junmyeon’s heart was caged, and he could not find the key. It wanted to make you happy, make your heart leap and live, so he didn’t try to stop you when you’ve decided to go to rehearsals today. He allowed you to leave your home with your “healed” heart, but he knew the truth, and the truth is you could never forget Baekhyun, not when you knew each line and dip of his body, the curves of his lips and muscles, the sharp bone of his jaw, and the long and smooth expanse of his back and fingers.

    He couldn’t do anything, not when your heart longed to be with another man. He couldn’t do anything at all.


     As usual, the sky was gray, and the sun was hidden behind a series of flat dispersed clouds. A terrible sense of foreboding that you ignored so naively washed over you, but you continued on. Not just in the sense of walking towards the big theater, but the foolishness you were trapped in, this dangerous play with Baekhy- you can’t say his name, you have forgotten, you truly did.

     Lies, what horrible lies you tried to convince yourself into, trying persuade your heart and mind that he was nonexistent, and those moments where his lips fit perfectly into your own were merely tiny fragments of a forgotten dream. The truth was something you could not accept, not when it had hurt your heart whenever it turned blind to the verity of your relationship, just like it was now as you walked closer and closer to the theater, until you had entered the building, its warmth distracting you from the true coldness that surround it.

    One after the other, you ignored those signs of a brewing storm coming your way. You didn’t know of them, you didn’t notice them, believing they were just what the gloomy day brought with it.

    Oblivious to everything else, you spaced out as you walked to your dressing room to get ready for rehearsals. The white walls of your room made you feel lonelier as its colors made the corners invisible, extending the empty room to infinity.

    A tear then another fell before you were sobbing, and the sobbing turned into your ‘healed’ heart breaking once more. Just thinking of him was enough to break you, to crush you into tiny unimportant pieces of porcelain that nobody wanted.

    But all you ever did was love him… at the wrong time, the wrong place, the wrong lifetime. You only gave him your whole heart and soul, and he only rejected it. He only broke it again and again, until it was gone and unfixable.

    Your soul was relentlessly screaming at the sight of the void that filled your heart, unable to accept this type of pain any longer, unable to feel anything other than deep regret, deep sorrow, and deep adoration for him. It had forgotten all other things but him and only him.

“Rehearsals start in five minutes, please be on stage now.” You heard someone say from behind the door along with the knock before the person said anything.

    It was time to see him. It was time to show how utterly devastated you are and how badly you needed him in your life. It was time to show how much he left you bare and how much power he had over you. You were in his hands, and he knew that very well. Despite knowing that you fooled yourself into thinking that you could get over him, you continued on, taking a step out of your room and towards the stage; the stage that brought you two together, the stage where it all started, the stage where this play had began.

    A step forward then another, there was only the clicking of your heels against the floor that rang through your head along with forbidden memories of you, Baekhyun, and a broken bed, memories of the night sky and the feel of his chest rising and falling underneath your hand, memories of the hazy sunlight peering through your window and the small smiles he held as he was asleep, memories of how badly he shook your heart (good and bad).

    Nothing was disrupting the quietness your mind has fallen into when you noticed someone in a pair of Gucci high heels leaning against the left wall of the hallway and the familiarity of your heart cracking at the sight of her.

“When will you finally learn that he doesn’t love you? He never has, he never will, Y/N.” How nice, she knew the truth better than you did. Nana, no matter how badly you didn’t want to say it, looked gorgeous as she leaned against the wall, looking at your like a piece of dirt in her way. You were drained of emotions, unable to walk away the thirsty woman who begged for attention she could never have.

    Coldness crept up your arm as you stood in that hallway, being eaten by the inevitable truth of her words. You could not oppose what she has just say, no counter argument nor proof to show that you haven’t lost everything because the truth is… you did, and it didn’t matter if you could face her and spit at her the same exact vileness she had treated you with. Not when winning over her didn’t mean winning over him. Winning back Baekhyun.

“I’m glad this play is ending soon. Baekhyun’s been doing better without you, and once you’re gone, he’ll be back to normal. I’ll- We’ll finally be able to get rid of you, Y/N.” Inside her eyes, her true darkness swelled and spiraled within her pupils. You watched those eyes of her as she walked closer and closer towards you, heels clicking with the marble floor of the long hallway. The coldness of the theater has finally reached your heart, numbing it from the pain, the heartbreak, the foolishness.

“I couldn’t care less, Nana.” Lies. Lies once again to show false strength you could not have without Baekhyun by your side. “I couldn’t care less if Baekhyun loved you or not. I’m over him. I’m over his lies and cowardice.” For a second, you heart believed in your words. For once, it felt hope; hope that it could move on, it could live. Your mouth, however, took it too far. “I can’t wait for this play to end, so that I don’t have to deal with you and Baekhyun anymore.”

     Your legs suddenly woke up, moving your feet forward and away from Nana. An unknown force helped you carry yourself away from her and her malicious soul lacking that of a heart. Although in front of her, you wore a brave mask and spoke brave words, the moment you could feel her gaze burning through your back, tears once again wet the skin of your cheeks. The pain has once again come back because the truth is no matter how many times you’ve tried to forget him, no matter how many times you’ve walked away from him, you would always come running back because the truth is… you loved him. You loved Byun Baekhyun, and love was a powerful thing that could move oceans, create storms, and much more, touch people whether to heal or destroy them, and for you, loving Baekhyun was a poison you needed to stay alive; a healing and deadly concoction you would gladly overdose on.

     You continued on walking till you were at the main stage, awaiting for the director’s instructions, but most of all, awaiting for Baekhyun and his tender touches which never came. It never came because they were left behind the slightly opened door on a long and lonely hallway where two familiar voices spoke against each other. One who he regretted, one who he loved deeply.

     As Baekhyun waited by that ajar door, waiting for the right time to come out, to protect you from Nana, to show you that he loved you, that he always loved you, he heard your wounding words, and he closed the door silently.

“I couldn’t care less, Nana. I couldn’t care less if Baekhyun loved you or not. I’m over him. I’m over his lies and cowardice. I can’t wait for this play to end, so that I don’t have to deal with you and Baekhyun anymore.” His heart was in agony and remorse. He had lost you. He had been blind for too long, he had been ignorant for too long, he had been foolish for too long. Baekhyun hit himself in the chest, right at the heart when the physical pain of the punch was drowned by that of the affliction it felt.

     Why had he been playing you for so long? Why did he not confess to you from the start? Why could he not treat you right? Why did he have to bring in Nana? Why did he have to be like this? Why couldn’t he just love you right? Why?

     Because he was a fool, a terrible person, and Byun Baekhyun. He was blind and deaf to the sight and sound of love, and now, he was suffering the consequences of his ignorance and arrogance. He was losing you, or perhaps… he already did.

     Baekhyun sank into his chair, elbows on his knees and hands grabbed his hair as he looked down at the floor. He could see his tears gathering at the floor, and he wished his mind and heart had done the same when he felt his heart beat faster at the thought of you, wishing he had thought things through and treated you right, wishing he had shown his love instead of his cowardice. His usually melodic voice was deep and croaky as he spoke, desperate for an answer, desperate for a miracle, desperate to have his heart beating and loving with yours.

“What have I done? What am I going to do now?”

Unsaid

People say
Words are what causes us pain
That what we say,
Hurts
It’s very true
Words hurt
But what hurts even more,
Is the words left unsaid
The words we never got to say
They float around
In our mind,
Haunting us
Making us feel regret
For not saying them
Though we can’t take back words
We can still say them
The guilt gets to us
We have to say something
To someone,
Anyone
But if we aren’t careful,
We can say them at the wrong time
We could push someone away
Hurt them,
Then no matter how much the words
Haunted us,
Some say they would be better left
Unsaid
But if we don’t say them,
The unsaid,
Could hurt someone
Just as much
As us saying them

My thoughts on on Jimin's "Change" and the Death Threats

So like shipping is for fun and I don’t take any of it seriously but sometimes I feel like Jimin really is gay. I feel like in the beginning of bangtan he tried to hide it by his actions and stuff but by now he’s over that and much more comfortable with who he is (as he should be). Or maybe he is and always has been straight he just went through a phase where he thought he should prove it and now he’s confident enough with his own masculinity that he doesn’t need to (He’s in bangtan after all he has like a google fan girls). Or maybe it’s a combination of both? I know when I started to show interest in other girls it majorly affected me. I never tried to hide that I liked girls and I never felt that there was something wrong with me for it (I have very open minded parents and even my Grandma had no Problem). I just thought I had to show everyone that even though I could like a girl I was still very cute and feminine and prissy. I still deal with these issues and it keeps me from being happy in relationships sometimes. But I think realizing this is the first step haha.

Jimin is my bias in BTS and I’ll always support him no matter what. My little theory above is probs far from the truth as I don’t actually know Jimin personally but it does make me feel closer to Jimin if it is true. I think he’s my bias cuz I see some of myself in him and it hurts when people judge him. Obviously there’s going to be haters. Some people’s personalities just don’t mix and I get that. But sending death threats to someone who works hard for his fans and tries his best and deep down is really just a self conscious human being like the rest of us isn’t right.

I think it’s important not just for Kpop fans but for everybody to remember to have empathy even for people you may hate.

Not to brag but I’m proud that everyday before I say or start anything I try to think of how this thought would effect that person or animal.

Sorry to rant like a first grade teacher for so long but I take care of my younger sister everyday who I love more than anything in the world and I’m constantly trying to teach her how to be a good person like my dad taught me. She by the way also adores Jimin.

This originally wasn’t supposed be about the death threats but it’s been bothering me a lot lately so I had to mention it.

Anyway if you wanna come scream at me about Park Jimin or any of his ships (especially jikook) you’re welcome💛💛💛💕💕💕🐰🐰🐰🎷🎷🎷🍩🍩🍩